Hey Arnold! 4x7

1. Here we go. Arnold.

2. Hey, Arnold!

3. Hey, Arnold!

4. Arnold.

5. Arnold.

6. (SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

7. Arnold.

8. Move it, football head!

9. Hey, Arnold!

10. Hey, Gerald.

11. You know, the cheese festival is this Saturday night.

12. Yeah, I know. I was thinking maybe I'd go.

13. Good for you. And I was thinking maybe I'd invite Lila to go with me.

14. Lila? Arnold, are you forgetting something?

15. She doesn't like you, like you.

16. She just likes you.

17. But, if I invite her to the cheese festival

18. and we have a really good time together,

19. maybe, she'll start to like me, like me.

20. Yeah, sure. Nothing brings people closer together than cheese.

21. That's it, Gerald. I'm going to ask her.

22. Tomorrow at lunch.

23. Whatever you say, Arnold.

24. There goes a sick boy.

25. So, Lila,

26. would you like to go to the cheese festival with me?

27. No. Oh, Lila,

28. so Saturday's the cheese festival, you going?

29. (LOVINGLY) Arnold. (RUDELY) I mean,

30. watch where you're going, football head.

31. Sorry, Helga. I'm just in a hurry

32. because... Because why?

33. Because there's something really important that I have to do,

34. and I'm just a little nervous. I gotta go.

35. (SCOFFS) Arnold, what a dope.

36. What a dimwit.

37. What a deluded little do-goody dreamer.

38. How I despise him.

39. And yet, I love him.

40. The way he's always thinking of others before himself.

41. The way he feels and cares so deeply.

42. The way those adorably unruly yellow tufts of hair

43. stick out all willy-nilly from that wise and wonderfully weird football head of his.

44. (SIGHS) He was probably

45. rushing off to help some poor unfortunate soul in need.

46. Someone in pain. Someone in distress.

47. Someone who... (LILA GIGGLING)

48. Lila. (GROWL)

49. So, anyway this Saturday it's

50. the uh... The cheese festival?

51. Yeah, the cheese festival.

52. (STAMMERING) And it should be a lot of...

53. Fun? Yeah, fun.

54. And I was wondering maybe, if...

55. If maybe you'd like to... If you wanted to...

56. Arnold, are you trying to ask me

57. to go to the cheese festival with you on Saturday?

58. Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to ask you.

59. I suppose it might be fun. I've never been to a real cheese festival before.

60. So, you'll go? I'd love to go.

61. I'd love to just ever so much.

62. You'll have a really fun time.

63. I promise. That little jerk.

64. How dare he ask Lila to the cheese festival.

65. Just because she's so pretty and smart

66. and funny, and he has a big stupid la-di-da crush on her.

67. He probably thinks he's going to impress her

68. and then she'll start to like him, like him,

69. instead of just liking him.

70. Well, fat chance,

71. because I'm going to be at the cheese festival too.

72. And by the time I get through,

73. Lila is going to hate Arnold.

74. My gosh, it's beautiful, Arnold.

75. I've never seen so much cheese.

76. I know. This should be a lot of fun.

77. Not if I can help it.

78. Hey, want to go on the bumper cars?

79. Gosh, Arnold, sure. Is it fun?

80. It's a blast. You're going to love it.

81. The object is to ram the other cars as hard as you can.

82. Oh, but that seems ever so mean.

83. It's not mean, it's just fun.

84. I couldn't possibly have any fun doing that.

85. But Lila, ramming the other cars is the whole point of the ride.

86. Couldn't we just drive along and enjoy the view?

87. But, we'll be sitting ducks.

88. See, Arnold, isn't this nice?

89. Say good night, Lila.

90. Sorry, Lila,

91. that wasn't exactly fun.

92. Oh, it's just fine, Arnold.

93. But, we got slammed.

94. But the important thing is, you didn't give into violent temptation

95. like all the other children.

96. I'm so impressed. Oh, man.

97. Look Arnold, what a cute teddy bear.

98. He's adorable, isn't he?

99. Maybe I could win it for you.

100. Do you think you could, really? Three tries, please.

101. Sorry, Lila.

102. You did your best.

103. But, his best wasn't good enough.

104. She probably thinks he's a real chump.

105. But, I wanted to win you something.

106. Here, kid. What's this for?

107. I don't know. I feel sorry for you.

108. Oh Arnold, it's a turtle.

109. Turtles are my absolute favorite.

110. It's much better than a big teddy bear.

111. I'm allergic to stuffed animals anyway.

112. And it's even hecho in Mexico.

113. Mexico is my absolute favorite country.

114. I just can't stop eating cheese.

115. Gosh, I suppose I've practically eaten cheese from every single continent.

116. Hey, you want to ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl?

117. To be perfectly honest,

118. I sometimes get a little queasy on the big rides.

119. Don't worry. I've been on this ride before.

120. It's not that bad. You'll be fine.

121. Okay Arnold, if you say so.

122. So she gets queasy on the big rides. (LAUGHS)

123. I know you'll love this, Lila. It goes really slow and easy.

124. Hey, mister, some of the kids

125. are complaining the ride's too slow.

126. They say you should crank the speed up

127. to really high. I told them it was too slow.

128. I'll crank it up.

129. Arnold, I don't feel so good.

130. The ride never used to go that fast.

131. I don't know what happened.

132. It's so nice of you not to be bothered that I threw up on you.

133. It's okay, Lila.

134. Really. And the second time,

135. you even held my hair back.

136. It was the least I could do.

137. It was sweet of you, Arnold, just ever so sweet.

138. All right, no more Mr. Nice Guy.

139. Oh look Arnold, it's a boat ride.

140. Yeah, it's the Tunnel of Love.

141. I've heard everyone talking about it at school.

142. Everyone. Can we go? If you really want to.

143. But, are you sure you're feeling well enough?

144. Oh, yes Arnold. Thanks to you.

145. This'll be fun. Oh, yeah.

146. This will be fun.

147. This'll be ever so much fun.

148. I'll turn your Tunnel of Love into a tunnel of disaster.

149. I just love boat rides, just ever so much.

150. I suppose it's because it's the only way

151. I can ever go near the water.

152. On account of, I never did learn how to swim.

153. Don't worry, Lila. You're perfectly safe with me.

154. Gosh Arnold, do you promise?

155. I promise.

156. This is going to be sweet.

157. Oh, Arnold, isn't it romantic?

158. Just look at all the stars.

159. Lila? Yes, Arnold.

160. Don't be scared. Everything is so wonderful,

161. why would I be scared? Because our boat is sinking.

162. Who's having fun now?

163. Arnold, what will we do?

164. Don't worry. Take my arm and hold on. You'll be all right.

165. I won't let go. I know.

166. Lila!

167. This is getting pretty good.

168. Arnold!

169. Arnold? Are you all right?

170. Gosh, I think so.

171. I think we can stand up.

172. Oh, Arnold.

173. Perfect. Why do none of my evil plans ever work out?

174. What am I doing wrong?

175. (BREATHING HEAVILY) Maybe I'm just trying too hard.

176. Thank you for saving me, Arnold.

177. You were so brave.

178. Just ever so brave.

179. Are you trying to tell me that maybe you're starting

180. to like me, like me?

181. I guess what I'm saying is that

182. before tonight, I just liked you.

183. But after what happened,

184. I really, really like you.

185. So, you still don't like me, like me.

186. To be just perfectly honest...

187. No.

188. But, there's hope, right?

189. Oh yes Arnold, just ever so much.

190. Come on, I'll walk you home.

191. One more to go.

192. There's no way he can do it. Nobody can eat 50 Mr. Fudgies.

193. Give it to me.

194. Unbelievable. Told ya I could do it.

195. Now pay me.

196. Hey, Tubby. Who, me?

197. "Who, me?" Yeah, you, Tubby.

198. I wish I had 100 customers like you.

199. I could retire and move to Florida.

200. Oh boy, I'll tell ya. Fifty Mr. Fudgies!

201. You can pack it away, can't you? (LAUGHING)

202. See you tomorrow, Tubby.

203. (LAUGHING) My name's not "Tubby."

204. It's Harold.

205. Can you believe it? What an idiot.

206. It only cost us a quarter to see him eat all those Mr. Fudgies.

207. And I bet it cost Harold six weeks of his allowance

208. just to buy them. He sure is fat, ain't he?

209. He must weigh over 200 pounds. (LAUGHING)

210. I bet by the time he's in the sixth grade,

211. he'll weigh over 300 pounds.

212. He sure is fat, ain't he?

213. Look, Mommy, there's a fat man.

214. Oh no, Johnny, don't say that.

215. He's not a fat man.

216. He's a fat boy.

217. Mm. It's a very good pot roast, Marilyn.

218. Thank you very much, Jerry.

219. Would like some more, Harold?

220. Huh? No thanks.

221. You've barely touched your food.

222. Is something bothering you, son? No, nothing's bothering me.

223. I don't want to talk about it.

224. He doesn't want to talk about it.

225. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then he doesn't have to.

226. He doesn't have to talk about it?

227. I mean, we're only his parents.

228. Why should he tell us if something is bothering him?

229. He doesn't want to talk about it.

230. Am I asking him to talk about it?

231. You're hinting. I am not hinting.

232. I just want to know what's bothering our son.

233. Marilyn. Am I fat?

234. Harold, please,

235. your father and I are discussing.

236. Is that a crime now? What do you mean, son?

237. Am I fat? Of course not, Harold.

238. Is that what's been bothering you? Oh!

239. That is ridiculous.

240. Why would you ever think that you were fat?

241. Some of the kids were saying... You're just big-boned.

242. Actually, he could stand to lose a couple of pounds.

243. Jerry! I'm just saying that he could...

244. Don't... You're just husky and that's perfectly normal.

245. When I was your age, I was just exactly like you.

246. And look at me, I turned out to be a perfectly normal-sized person.

247. (ON TV) Are you fat and between the ages of eight and 14?

248. Do kids call you "tubby, lardo, wide-load

249. "whale-boy," or "the fattest person I've seen in my life"?

250. Wouldn't you like to change all that and be fit again?

251. Well, now you can, when you sign up for Kids Cruise to Lose.

252. A five-week sea vacation

253. for kids who want to lose weight. You'll enjoy swimming, diving,

254. jogging, and an all-you-can-eat salad bar.

255. All under the supervision of our caring health counselors.

256. Hi, I'm Counselor Skip.

257. And I care. Help! Help!

258. So, if you're between the ages of eight and 14

259. and you want to get thin the fun way,

260. call us now, at 1-800-I-M-HUGE.

261. That's 1-800-I-M-HUGE.

262. Bye, son. Have a good time.

263. My little boy. You listen to the caring health counselors.

264. I will, Ma. So long, Harold.

265. I hope you lose a couple of pounds.

266. (LAUGHING) I'm going to lose more than a couple of pounds, Stinky.

267. When I come back, I'm going to be skinny, you'll see.

268. I know you can do it, Harold.

269. Bye!

270. I wonder how skinny he'll be.

271. He's probably so skinny,

272. we won't even recognize him. There he is.

273. Bye, Captain. I had a great time.

274. Hey, you guys, what's new?

275. (WHISPERING) Don't say anything.

276. Don't worry, Arnold.

277. We know how to be discreet.

278. Harold, what happened?

279. You're as big as a house.

280. What do you mean? Have you looked in the mirror lately?

281. That just shows what you know.

282. They don't allow mirrors on the ship.

283. Well, you might want to take a gander at one,

284. on account that you're as big as a house.

285. What are they talking about, Arnold? (SIGHS)

286. Who's that guy?

287. That's you. That's me?

288. I guess you put on a couple of pounds.

289. Here we are with our Harold home.

290. Enjoying a nice dinner. Everything's back to normal.

291. Right. Everything's back to normal.

292. Family together again.

293. Nothing's changed. I'm gigantic, aren't I?

294. (NERVOUS LAUGH) Oh, Harold, don't be ridiculous.

295. Where'd you get that? You're perfectly normal.

296. You can take the extra weight off in no time.

297. What "extra weight"? I just said, he's perfectly normal.

298. Who's disagreeing? Did I say he wasn't normal?

299. You're perfectly normal, son.

300. Of course, he is. What's wrong with him?

301. Nothing. Nothing's wrong with him.

302. I'm a gigantic freak. Harold...

303. Harold, please, your father and I are discussing. A couple of pounds,

304. that's all I'm saying.

305. What couple of pounds?

306. I don't know what you're talking about.

307. He's a growing boy, for crying in a bucket.

308. Granted, But, there's growing, and then there's growing.

309. Jerry!

310. I'm telling you, guys, he's enormous.

311. I reckon he gained pretty near 100 pounds.

312. At least. Oh, please,

313. nobody could gain 100 pounds

314. in five weeks. Hey.

315. There he is.

316. Oh, my word.

317. Well, there he is.

318. My favorite customer. Where have you been, Tubby?

319. I was on vacation to lose weight.

320. Oh! I see that went well. (LAUGHING)

321. I suppose you want the usual,

322. six Mr. Fudgies. (LAUGHING)

323. Not today.

324. I was wondering if you had any Mr. Fudgies that were low-fat?

325. Yeah sure, I got low-fat Mr. Fudgies.

326. Half the calories and half the taste.

327. (LAUGHING) Great. I'll take 12 of them.

328. Twelve low-fat Mr. Fudgies

329. is the same as six regular Mr. Fudgies.

330. Just leave me alone.

331. It's none of your business.

332. But, Harold... Leave me alone, Arnold.

333. (CRYING) Just leave me alone.

334. Nobody's even seen him in over a week.

335. I heard he went and holed up in his room and ain't coming out.

336. He's probably too busy eating to come out.

337. And he's probably too big to fit out the door anyway.

338. Nice of you to visit our Harold.

339. I thought maybe I could cheer him up.

340. Harold, someone's here to see you.

341. Go away!

342. It's the pizza man.

343. Forget it, Arnold.

344. I'm fat and I'm always going to be fat.

345. There's nothing you or anybody else can do about it.

346. That's ridiculous.

347. There's ways to lose weight.

348. Ha! Like that cruise I went on?

349. I mean, other ways.

350. You could exercise, start eating healthier.

351. I can't do that stuff. Look at me.

352. I'm a big fat slob and I haven't moved in weeks.

353. I can barely lift my arms.

354. I could help you, Harold.

355. I don't want anyone to see me

356. and laugh at me.

357. We can do it at night. We can do it somewhere where no one will see us.

358. Come on. What have you got to lose?

359. I told you Arnold, I can't do it.

360. You can do it, Harold. I know you can.

361. Forget it, Arnold. I can't lose weight.

362. I tried and I tried, and I can't, okay?

363. The Jolly Olly Man was right.

364. He said, if he had more customers like me,

365. then he could retire to Florida.

366. And Sid and Stinky were laughing about me

367. because I was so fat.

368. And then some little kid told his mommy

369. I was a fat man.

370. And then she said, "No, Johnny,

371. "no, he's not a fat man,

372. "he's a fat boy."

373. And so, I went on the cruise to get skinny

374. but I was so worried about people thinking I was fat,

375. that I ate more and more.

376. And then I just got really, really fat.

377. And I'm just a big, dumb, giant, fat freak.

378. This all happened because people were making fun of you

379. and telling you, you were fat?

380. That's what I just said. Weren't you listening?

381. But, did you think you were fat?

382. Huh? Did you think you were fat?

383. Of course not. I liked the way I was.

384. Well, there's your answer.

385. What are you talking about?

386. All you have to do is lose enough weight to get back to the way you were.

387. You know, back to the old Harold.

388. You mean, back to my old fat self?

389. Hey, that wouldn't be so hard.

390. Maybe it would even be fun.

391. Okay Arnold, I think I can do it now.

392. Then, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it.

393. But, can we eat first? I'm starving.

394. What's going on?

395. Harold's finally coming out in the daylight.

396. How fat is he now?

397. I for one think it's just gruesome

398. to parade poor Harold in front of the whole neighborhood,

399. just so we can be shocked at how fat he's gotten.

400. I should've brought my camera.

401. But Arnold, what if they still think I'm fat?

402. The important thing is what you think.

403. Right, right. What I think, okay.

404. I'm ready.

405. I can't believe it.

406. Harold, you look fantastic.

407. It's like you're wasting away.

408. It's a complete transformation.

409. Hey, it's the Jolly Olly Man.

410. Let's celebrate!

411. Hey, Harold, bet you a quarter you can't eat 50 Mr. Fudgies.

412. You're on. (LAUGHING)