Hey Arnold! 4x3

1. Here we go. Arnold.

2. Hey, Arnold!

3. Hey, Arnold!

4. Arnold.

5. Arnold.

6. (SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

7. Arnold.

8. Move it, football head!

9. Hey, Arnold!

10. And all of my friends will be there.

11. And after I open my presents we'll all eat a huge chocolate cake.

12. Sounds like fun, Eugene.

13. Of course, it won't be a perfect party.

14. It won't?

15. See, I've always wanted a surprise party.

16. I sure love surprises, Arno... Whoa!

17. I'm okay.

18. Anyway, it's going to be on Saturday, Arnold, can you make it?

19. Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss your birthday, Eugene.

20. Great, Arnold, I'm inviting the whole class and I...

21. Eugene, pick them up. Sorry about the oranges, Mr. Felt.

22. Put them on my bill, okay? Go on, go.

23. There's only one last detail to take care of, Arnold.

24. I've got to mail the invitations and I've got them right...

25. Whoa! Eugene.

26. (SPLASHES) I'm okay.

27. Take these, would you, Arnold?

28. Thanks. Good thing I didn't drop them.

29. You know, why don't I keep these invitations, Eugene?

30. Yeah, I could mail 'em for you.

31. Gee, what for, Arnold?

32. Well, Eugene, it just might be better if... I did it.

33. There's a mailbox right by my house.

34. Okay, then.

35. I guess I'll see you Saturday. Bye, Eugene.

36. Bye, Arnold.

37. What a guy.

38. (THUDS) Ow!

39. Thanks for the cold cuts, Marty, see you tomorrow.

40. Oof!

41. Sorry, Harvey.

42. Whoa, Arnold, where's the fire, bud?

43. I, uh, was just in a hurry to mail something.

44. Yeah, right.

45. Listen, next time, get me to do it, I'm the mailman.

46. It's safer that way.

47. Right, see ya, Harvey.

48. Okay, bud, catch ya later.

49. Hey Arnold, hey, Arnold.

50. Hey, Gerald, ready to go to Eugene's?

51. Eugene's? Yeah, Eugene's.

52. You know, his birthday party? What birthday party?

53. You didn't get your invitation?

54. But you'll still come, right?

55. Well, I can't, I gotta go to a bris.

56. I'm sure everybody else is going, relax, man.

57. Hello. Sid, it's Arnold.

58. Did you get an invitation to Eugene's party?

59. Your cooking class?

60. Okay, bye.

61. (TELEPHONE RINGING) Hello.

62. Helga?

63. Phoebe?

64. Man, what could've happened to the invitations?

65. What the... Eugene's having a birthday?

66. What am I gonna wear?

67. (HORN BLOWING) Arnold.

68. You're the first to arrive.

69. Uh, some people aren't going to make it today, Eugene.

70. Really, who?

71. Everybody.

72. See, I called everyone about the party this morning

73. and no one got an invitation.

74. I think it's kind of my fault.

75. Oh, that's nonsense, Arnold.

76. Somebody's bound to show up, meanwhile let's just enjoy the party.

77. We could play Musical Chairs.

78. You better eat this ice cream up, before it melts, Arnold.

79. Eugene, I'm really, really sorry.

80. Don't be sorry, Arnold, it was a great birthday party.

81. We had cake, ice cream and look at all these presents.

82. You gave me one, my mom and dad gave me one.

83. That makes two presents.

84. I must be the luckiest kid in the world.

85. But why?

86. Why do you want to throw him another birthday party?

87. You have got to stop trying to fix Eugene.

88. He's the unluckiest kid in the world.

89. Yeah, why bother, Arnold? He'd probably just jinx up that party too.

90. Like the roof would cave in and crush everybody.

91. Or the cake would probably explode or something.

92. Eugene is an all-fire jinx after all.

93. He's a jinx. Yeah, yeah.

94. Look, you guys.

95. It's just something I have to do, okay?

96. He's my friend and I can't let him down.

97. Now help me think of a really good place for a party.

98. The arcade?

99. The roller rink?

100. How about the aquarium?

101. Eugene loves the aquarium.

102. That's perfect. Okay, Sid,

103. Stinky, you guys tell everyone to meet me and Gerald there

104. at 4:00, okay?

105. Four o'clock. Got it.

106. It sure was a good idea throwing a surprise party

107. for Eugene at the roller rink.

108. I know, I'm glad I thought of it.

109. Yeah, just one little detail, brainiacs.

110. Where's football head and birthday boy?

111. I told you, he said the arcade.

112. Hi, Angel, remember me?

113. Your old pal, Eugene.

114. Yoo-hoo.

115. See, Arnold? He waved at me.

116. Uh, Eugene, I think I blew it again.

117. What are you talking about, Arnold?

118. Well, this was supposed to be a surprise party.

119. Only no one showed up except for me and Gerald

120. and it's been hours.

121. You were gonna throw me a surprise party?

122. Oh, that's so nice of you, Arnold.

123. Eugene, don't you understand?

124. No one showed up.

125. This party is a total bust.

126. Don't be silly, Arnold, this is even better than my other birthday party.

127. This time I even got to look at the fish while we waited for someone

128. to show up. I must be the luckiest kid in the world.

129. So, kid, it's your birthday?

130. Yeah. Let's go, we're closing in five minutes, beat it.

131. Eugene, I am so sorry.

132. For what, Arnold? For everything.

133. Every bad thing I've somehow done to you.

134. You know, the goldfish I killed, the bike I wrecked,

135. the paint, the glue, the crab, the car door.

136. Both birthday parties.

137. I never stopped and counted.

138. That is a lot of things, Arnold.

139. So, I'll throw a third foolproof birthday party for you.

140. The best party ever, in my backyard tomorrow.

141. I'll invite everybody

142. and I'll personally deliver the invitations to every single kid,

143. so nothing goes wrong, okay?

144. You know, come to think of it, all those bad things

145. that happened to me, did happen when I was around you.

146. When my bike fell apart.

147. When you killed my goldfish.

148. When we both got stuck on that roller coaster.

149. You know, Arnold, I hate to say this, but...

150. I'm coming to the conclusion that perhaps, you're some kind of a jinx.

151. What?

152. And the more I think about it, the more I think you throwing me

153. another party would be a big mistake.

154. You think I'm a jinx?

155. You shouldn't do it, Arnold,

156. I mean, what with you being a jinx and all.

157. Look, Eugene, I'm not a jinx.

158. And I'm throwing you a birthday party whether you like it or not.

159. In fact, it's going to be a surprise party.

160. Gee, how can it be a surprise...

161. Look! You're going to show up and you're going to be surprised.

162. Got it? Tomorrow, in my backyard.

163. It's going to be perfect.

164. And nothing is going to go wrong.

165. Uh-huh, sure, Arnold, sounds like a good plan.

166. Well, I've gotta go, be careful on the way home.

167. I am not a jinx.

168. You better be there, tomorrow, my backyard.

169. Oh, man.

170. This is unbelievable.

171. He thinks you're the jinx? (LAUGHING)

172. It's not funny, Gerald.

173. No, of course not. It's not funny at all.

174. I mean it, Gerald.

175. I am not a jinx

176. and tomorrow is going to be perfect.

177. Whatever you say, Arnold.

178. (LAUGHING) Whatever you say.

179. I reckon it was right decent of you to throw Eugene

180. a third surprise birthday party, Arnold.

181. Yeah, except for one little thing.

182. Where's Eugene? Oh, he's coming.

183. This party is going to be perfect.

184. I made this whole backyard jinx-proof.

185. Is that why you taped bubble wrap on all the tables and chairs?

186. Yeah, no sharp objects, no way to trip or fall or slip or anything.

187. Nothing can go wrong, everything is gonna be perfect.

188. Yeah, perfect, football head.

189. Grrr.

190. (SIGHS) Poor Arnold, it's raining on his party.

191. It must be hard to be such a jinx.

192. A surprise party, yeah, chocolate cake, yeah, big chocolate cake.

193. Chocolate, are you going?

194. I don't know, I'm supposed to, the party's for me.

195. But I just know something's bad gonna happen.

196. I think maybe I should just go home.

197. What do you think?

198. I think it's a chocolate cake, yeah, big chocolate cake, yeah, chocolate.

199. Hey, could I have one of those?

200. No, I, uh, I need these.

201. Maybe we should call the whole thing off on account of the rain, Arnold.

202. No, we are not calling it off.

203. Eugene is coming and I am giving him a surprise party.

204. (SCOFFS) Oh, yeah? Well I am giving him until the count of three

205. to show up before I start into that cake.

206. You're too late. Sid, give me that.

207. Nobody eats cake until Eugene gets here.

208. And Eugene is coming.

209. That's it, I'm definitely not going,

210. I know something bad's gonna happen.

211. But on the other hand, Arnold did go to an awful lot of trouble.

212. Inviting everyone, making decorations.

213. Chocolate cake.

214. You know, even if he is a jinx, he's my friend

215. and I can't let him down, I've gotta go to that party.

216. Come on, Chocolate Boy.

217. Yeah, yeah, cake, chocolate cake.

218. That's it, I'm not hanging around another minute.

219. See you in the funny papers, Arnoldo.

220. No, nobody is leaving, until Eugene gets here.

221. Hello, everyone.

222. Eugene, you're here...

223. Oh, I mean, surprise!

224. Everything looks perfect.

225. The sun is shining, all my friends are here,

226. there is a beautiful birthday cake.

227. And to top it off,

228. we all chipped in and purchased you this brand-new scooter.

229. (GASPS) A scooter.

230. (EXCLAIMS) You shouldn't have.

231. You guys are the greatest.

232. See, Eugene? I told you this was going to be a perfect party.

233. Nothing bad happened.

234. Hey, cake, chocolate cake.

235. I don't know about the rest of you clods,

236. but I'm gonna spend what's left of my weekend as far away

237. from these two losers as possible.

238. (HAIR DRYER BLOWING) Eugene, I am so...

239. No, Arnold, don't say you're sorry.

240. But that makes three parties

241. now that goofed up.

242. "Goofed up"? Arnold, this party had everything I wanted.

243. A cake, all my friends, and there was even a surprise.

244. I never expected all that water to pour on me.

245. I nearly drowned! (LAUGHS) What a gag.

246. You threw me a great birthday party especially considering that well,

247. you're a jinx.

248. (SIGHS) Sure, Eugene, I'm the jinx.

249. Whatever you say.

250. Well, I had a wonderful time. I'm gonna try out my new scooter right now.

251. Whee!

252. Great party, Arnold. I am not a jinx.

253. Yeah, buddy, sure thing.

254. Gerald, you're bugging me, stop it.

255. Look, I'm king of the world.

256. I'm okay.

257. I'm telling you, Arnold, I'm not good at nothin'.

258. I always fail.

259. Don't you think you're overreacting, Stinky?

260. I mean, it's just one bad grade on one book report.

261. No sir, no how, I ain't the overreacting type.

262. It's a plain-as-day fact.

263. I've got no natural abilities towards doing anything that stands out from

264. the crowd.

265. Come on, everybody's good at something.

266. Remember the time...

267. Don't try your cheering-up speech on me, Arnold.

268. I just know that I ain't good at nothing.

269. Howdy, Pa. Hey, Uncle Stinky.

270. Your uncle's named Stinky too?

271. Yup, my family is full of Stinkies.

272. Every which way you turn, there's a Stinky coming at you.

273. Look, son, we done finish stuffing the goat.

274. Pa and Uncle Stinky are an expert at what they do,

275. it's called "taxidermy."

276. I tried my hand at stuffing the squirrel once.

277. But I weren't no good at that neither.

278. Squirrels got to be dead first, boy, I told you.

279. Your Aunt Stinky mixed up a fresh batch of lemon fish juice.

280. Why don't you offer your friend a cup?

281. There ain't no actual fish in it, Arnold, it's simple old lemonade.

282. But you gotta fish the bits of lemon out of it.

283. That's why we call it "lemon fish juice."

284. It's actually pretty good.

285. Hey, is that you?

286. No, that's my pa as a young 'un.

287. He's with his family pet.

288. Lurkey the turkey.

289. And this here's the whole family at Thanksgiving dinner that year.

290. They had Lurkey with all the trimmings.

291. They "had" Lurkey?

292. That's's right, Arnold. Lurkey the turkey.

293. That's my pa, he's on their big, old farm in Arkansas.

294. Times were good then.

295. My grandpa and grandma were mighty good farmers.

296. They had 40 acres with all kind of animals

297. and a real money-making produce business.

298. Snap peas, rhubarbs, tomatoes

299. and lettuce as big as your head.

300. Then times got bad, the farm commenced to fail.

301. So they decided to move the family to this here Northern city

302. and that's the story of how come we live here.

303. So your family gave up farming?

304. Yep, I reckon it'd be pretty near impossible to farm here

305. surrounded by all this concrete, and cinder block and city.

306. Hey, Arnold, hey, Stinky,

307. what do you think of my new wrecking ball, eh?

308. Check out the action on this baby.

309. You didn't see nothing.

310. Well, class, it's officially spring

311. and you know what that means? Love is in the air.

312. Uh, no, Harold.

313. It means that it's time to plant something for the City Farming Fair.

314. There are three prizes for the three largest locally grown vegetables.

315. I encourage all of you to plant something

316. and enter the competition.

317. Maybe you should enter, Stinky.

318. (SIGHS) I sure would love to, Arnold.

319. But you got the wrong customer.

320. I'm a city boy, born and bred.

321. Plus remember, I ain't no good at nothing.

322. It ain't worth it.

323. Nothing will ever grow in this forsaken place.

324. Only thing that'll grow is us growing older and poorer

325. till we wither away.

326. If you plant them, they will grow.

327. Come again?

328. If you plant them, they will grow.

329. What's "them"? And who's "they"?

330. Ugh, fetch a pencil and a piece of paper.

331. I'll go slow.

332. If you plant seeds, they'll grow into vegetables.

333. Vegetables?

334. Is there an echo in here? Yes, vegetables.

335. Vegetables, vegetables.

336. Plant them, they will grow.

337. How do you know?

338. (SIGHS) Because I am a mystical disembodied voice.

339. Trust me.

340. Plant them and they will grow.

341. Okie-dokie.

342. Hey, Stinky.

343. Wanna go play some ball?

344. I'm possessed at the moment, I had a vision that came to me in a dream.

345. A vision?

346. Yep, I'm gonna get my hands dirty.

347. (GRUNTS) Just like my forefathers before me.

348. I'm gonna plant me a garden and see what comes up.

349. (GRUNTS) 'Course I don't know what the...

350. The heck I'm doing farming-wise.

351. Well, good luck.

352. Stinky.

353. Yeah, Pa? I've been watching you out here all day, son,

354. and I just wanna say.

355. That you're proud of me, Pa?

356. No, that I think you're a dang fool for trying to grow something

357. in this here forsaken old patch of dirt.

358. Aw.

359. "Rid the area of planting of all weeds and foreign-like matter."

360. I done that.

361. "Break up the clogs of dirt and old soil."

362. Hot dog, I did that too.

363. "Add mulch and manure to the dirt."

364. Whoops, I ain't done that.

365. (SNIFFS) Pee-yew.

366. Uh, Stinky.

367. I know I said you was a dang fool

368. trying to grow something in this here forsaken old patch of dirt.

369. And I'm still against it.

370. Since you're so dang set on doing it,

371. well, here.

372. What are they, Pa?

373. They're the family pumpkin seeds, son.

374. Passed down to me from my pa.

375. From the farm back in Arkansas.

376. I doubt if they got any life in them, but I guess,

377. you could give them a try

378. plant them and water them good.

379. It's called cultivating, son.

380. "Cultivating."

381. That's a two-dollar word.

382. Pa, you're smart.

383. One day, I hope to be as smart as you.

384. Reach for the stars, son.

385. Wake up, son.

386. Come on out and see what all your hard work has done.

387. (GASPS) You mean...

388. My pumpkin, how big is it?

389. Aw, but it's just a tiny little leaf.

390. But it's your tiny, little leaf, son.

391. You defied the odds and proved me wrong.

392. You made something grow in this old yard.

393. This here's magical time, the commencement of the life of your vegetable.

394. Grandpa's magic hoe.

395. He worked wonders with it.

396. Now, you can have it, son.

397. Pa.

398. Why didn't you give it to me when I was plowing the whole backyard

399. with a dang soup ladle?

400. I needed it to prop up the kitchen table.

401. Oh.

402. Strange weather we're having.

403. Rain and drought and snow.

404. And all in the same dang week.

405. Now, that's what I call a pumpkin, son.

406. Now all's I gotta do is figure out how to move it

407. to tomorrow's farming fair competition.

408. Yep, good luck, son.

409. Well, we tried just about everything.

410. I guess we're not gonna get my pumpkin to that fair.

411. I'm sorry, Stinky.

412. I reckon it's like everything else I try to do, Arnold.

413. Nothing ever works out.

414. Wait a minute, Stinky, what time is it?

415. Sundial says 20 minutes to 5:00.

416. I've got an idea, don't move.

417. I'll be right back.

418. Ladies and gentlemen.

419. Having seen all the entries in the Largest Vegetable category,

420. I'm prepared to hand out the ribbons.

421. First prize goes to... Wait!

422. There's one more entry.

423. I'm sorry, young man, but the deadline is past

424. and you're too late.

425. Oh, I got your largest vegetable, baby.

426. Right here.

427. My word, that is the largest vegetable I've ever seen.

428. First prize goes to...

429. Stinky Petersen, ma'am.

430. Thank you, your mayorship.

431. I couldn't have done it without my pa,

432. my crazy, prophetic dreams

433. and of course, the encouragement of my friend Arnold.

434. Thanks, again for believing in me, Arnold.

435. I've finally found something I've got natural abilities toward.

436. Something I'm good at.

437. Hot dang, I won again.

438. Aw, you've won every hand.

439. That's on account of I've become a winner, Harold.

440. Name of the game is Seven Cards Stud, gentlemen.

441. I wanted to play Old Maid.

442. My pumpkin, my rules.

443. Stinky, I don't think we should play cards in here anymore.

444. It's starting to rot.

445. Oh, and it stinks.

446. I don't care, it's my lucky card-playing pumpkin clubhouse.

447. Now, ante up.