Hey Arnold! 1x34

Directed by Steve Socki • Chris Savino

Anndi McAfee as Phoebe Heyerdahl (voice) • Justin Shenkarow as Harold Berman (voice) • Christopher Walberg as Stinky Peterson (voice) • Sam Gifaldi as Sid (voice) • Adam Wylie as Curly Gammelthorpe (voice)

Eugene is accused of pulling the fire alarm. In the school court, the jury thinks Eugene is guilty except for Arnold, who believes there is a shadow of a doubt.

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1. (all) Arnold!

2. Hey, Arnold!

3. Arnold.

4. Arnold!

5. Arnold!

6. Arnold!

7. Move it, football head!

8. (all) Hey, Arnold!

9. Fire!

10. Fire!

11. Stop, stop!

12. It's a false alarm!

13. Wait 'til I get my hands on the kid who pulled that alarm.

14. Eugene Horowitz,

15. you have been caught red-handed in the pulling

16. of the fire alarm— a most serious offense.

17. But I didn't do it.

18. What my client is trying to say is

19. he didn't do it, Your Honor.

20. Now, according to the bylaws of this school district,

21. you can only be expelled

22. after being found guilty by a jury of your student peers.

23. Face it, Eugene, you're gonna fry.

24. I didn't do it!

25. Bye, Eagle Scouts.

26. Guilty.

27. Guilty.

28. Guilty.

29. Guilty.

30. Fudgy Nut Nut Bar?

31. It's on the back, Madam Fortress Mommy.

32. Oh, guilty.

33. And not guilty?

34. Come on, get this stuff out of the way. Not guilty?

35. All right, who's the bonehead?

36. Helga, our votes are supposed to be secret.

37. Yeah, right, Phoebe.

38. Quit kidding around and change your vote

39. so we can get out of here.

40. I've got tickets to WrestleMania.

41. And I'm hungry! Yeah, come on, let's get this over with!

42. Peanut butter smeared on the fire alarm.

43. Phoebe didn't vote not guilty.

44. I did.

45. You? Why?

46. Why'd you do it?

47. Well, I'm not convinced.

48. He could be innocent.

49. Yeah, and little green aliens could be

50. building an advanced civilization

51. inside my nose.

52. Come on, Arnold.

53. No, really, I think there's reasonable doubt

54. that Eugene pulled the fire alarm.

55. What?

56. You've gotta be kidding me.

57. I'll never get out of here on time.

58. Come on.

59. What's more important?

60. Our petty little pleasures or making sure that our

61. classmate gets a fair trial?

62. Vote guilty!

63. Yeah, come on, let's go, let's go!

64. Look, the least we can do is go over the evidence again.

65. We owe it to Eugene.

66. Oh!

67. Fine.

68. If the football head wants to go through the evidence

69. again, then we'll go through the evidence...

70. again.

71. But if I miss WrestleMania,

72. it's gonna be your butt.

73. Harold, you start.

74. But I'm hungry!

75. Here's a banana.

76. Get started.

77. Okay, well, here's why it had to have been Eugene.

78. It was just after lunch

79. and we was all coming out of the cafeteria.

80. I remember 'cause I had just finished

81. my third pudding pack,

82. and so I wasn't as hungry as I usually am.

83. Get on with it, pink boy.

84. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, right, okay.

85. Anyways, according to the "testifaction" of

86. Squeaky Peterson,

87. just before the fire alarm was pulled,

88. she "observified" Eugene

89. walking right by the fire alarm.

90. It was at that moment...

91. that someone... unknown to the rest of us,

92. but definitely not me, you guys,

93. pulled Squeaky's right pigtail hard,

94. detracting her.

95. While Squeaky was detracted,

96. someone pulled the fire alarm!

97. And who was right there?

98. Who?

99. Who?

100. No one else but...

101. Out of the way, I'm a certified CPU.

102. Ah, that's better.

103. What monkey boy here is trying to say

104. is that Eugene had the opportunity.

105. So Eugene had the opportunity, Helga.

106. So what?

107. There were lots of kids there.

108. They all had the same opportunity.

109. Well, how many kids had peanut butter

110. smeared all over 'em?

111. His hands were covered with it.

112. So was the fire alarm.

113. Peanut butter is no proof of anything.

114. What about the glasses?

115. The footprints? Slow down.

116. Let's look at all the evidence, one thing at a time.

117. Fine.

118. Who wants to talk about the evidence?

119. I believe I took good notes on that, Helga.

120. Then spill it, sister, and make it snappy.

121. It's not every day that Bloated Bill

122. wrestles Haystack Calhoun

123. and I'm not gonna miss it.

124. I believe that we've already established that

125. the peanut butter smeared on the fire alarm

126. was of the same style— creamy—

127. as Eugene usually eats.

128. Although he testified he has also enjoyed chunky on occasion,

129. usually when his mom was out of creamy,

130. well, we all know that— Phoebe!

131. While we're young, please!

132. I'm surrounded. Hurrying.

133. Um, in addition to the peanut butter evidence,

134. a pair of eyeglasses were found a few feet

135. from the scene of the crime.

136. A few minutes after the fire alarm,

137. the students were allowed to reenter the building.

138. It was at this point, the eyeglasses in question

139. were discovered by our classmate Sid.

140. Hey, these appear to be Eugene's.

141. Look, everybody, Eugene's glasses.

142. Boy howdy, Eugene is gonna fry.

143. Hmm.

144. These are Eugene's glasses.

145. Hmm.

146. Since the eyeglasses, which have been positively

147. identified as belonging to Eugene—

148. were discovered next to the fire alarm

149. and since it was a Tuesday and on Tuesdays,

150. Eugene has to wear his glasses because—

151. Get to the footprints, brainiac!

152. Footprints were found leading up to the fire alarm

153. and then into a nearby broom closet.

154. They were of the same size and unusual make of

155. Eugene's distinctive sandals.

156. And finally, a pencil stub

157. with the word Winkyland was found

158. outside the broom closet.

159. Hmm, whose Winkyland...

160. Therefore, in conclusion, it—

161. Appears that Eugene is as guilty as sin.

162. Come on, Arnold.

163. Peanut butter on the fire alarm,

164. glasses on the floor,

165. footprints from some fancy sandals.

166. Criminy!

167. What more evidence do you need?

168. Hey, Arnold, Helga's right, man.

169. I mean, face it.

170. Eugene was hiding in the broom closet.

171. Exactly.

172. What Geraldo here is trying to say

173. is that Eugene was caught

174. in the act of fleeing from the scene of the crime.

175. Helga, baby, put your feet up.

176. I'll tell it.

177. Now, I think admittedly the above mentioned

178. heinous crime... Eugene must have figured that

179. he could hide in the broom closet,

180. so all the kids ran past.

181. But he accidentally locked himself in.

182. Hello?

183. Could someone please let me out?

184. And that's where the principal found him,

185. about a minute later.

186. So therefore, Arnold, we can conclude

187. that Eugene is not exactly a criminal mastermind,

188. but that he did get caught fleeing from the scene.

189. He's guilty, man.

190. So he was in a closet.

191. We've found Eugene locked in closets before.

192. Look, you guys, I'm not saying Eugene couldn't have done it.

193. I'm just saying that I still have reasonable doubt.

194. What?

195. Oh, come on, Arnold.

196. Eugene's guilty three ways to Sunday.

197. You know it, I know it,

198. the American people know it.

199. How can you possibly have any doubts?

200. Hey, it makes just as much sense as anything else.

201. Okay.

202. Here's my version.

203. Maybe when he was eating lunch, someone distracted him

204. from his peanut butter sandwich.

205. (boy) Hey, Melvin.

206. Who, me?

207. Later, when Eugene was going to class,

208. he could have tripped,

209. just like he does every day for one reason or another.

210. I'm fine.

211. Here, I'll help you.

212. Thanks.

213. Must be the bump in the hallway there.

214. I lost my balance.

215. I can't see a thing without my glasses, of course.

216. No problem.

217. You see what I mean?

218. Every single piece of evidence could have been set up

219. and there's even one piece of evidence

220. that couldn't possibly have come from Eugene.

221. And what evidence is that, head boy?

222. The Winkyland pencil!

223. Everyone knows Eugene.

224. He's been in more accidents this year alone

225. than all of us combined

226. and everyone knows that Eugene was banned last fall

227. from Winkyland when he tripped off the bandstand and caused

228. the whole Thanksgiving Day parade to crash.

229. Anyway, even though he loves Winkyland,

230. it's not likely that he'd have one of their pencils,

231. since he hasn't been near there since.

232. So why would Eugene have a Winkyland pencil?

233. Because someone planted it outside the broom closet

234. with a motive to frame him, that's why.

235. And who has that motive?

236. Someone who hates Eugene.

237. Someone who has reason to harm him.

238. Someone, someone, someone, someone, someone...

239. Okay, okay, I did it!

240. I confess.

241. I planted the peanut butter.

242. I made the shoeprints.

243. I left the glasses at the scene of the crime!

244. But why, Curly?

245. Because three months, two weeks and four days ago,

246. Eugene borrowed my favorite pencil—

247. the pencil I got last summer

248. at Winkyland—

249. and then when he finally returned it,

250. it had chew marks all over it

251. and he sharpened it down to the metal part!

252. I couldn't sleep!

253. I couldn't eat!

254. All I could think about was Eugene

255. writing with my pencil,

256. Eugene chewing on my eraser

257. and Eugene sharpening, sharpening, sharpening!

258. And then when he finally gives it back to me, he says...

259. Here, Curly.

260. Like it was no big deal!

261. Well, I couldn't just take that lying down.

262. I had to do something.

263. So I got this plan, see?

264. The fire alarm.

265. I'd pull it and then I'd frame Eugene for the crime.

266. All I needed to do was plant the right clues:

267. the peanut butter,

268. the glasses and, to top it all off,

269. the pencil!

270. Bingo, he'd be branded for life!

271. In light of recent evidence

272. and at the request of the student jury,

273. the court finds Eugene innocent.

274. I never lost faith in you, Eugene.

275. You know, Arnold,

276. not too many kids would have stood up to the whole jury

277. like you did.

278. I had to do it, Gerald.

279. You're a bold kid.

280. So you admit you pulled the fire alarm.

281. That's right!

282. I did it!

283. I pulled the fire alarm!

284. And I'd do it again too!

285. See?

286. Stop that!

287. Deepest hole.

288. 7,265 feet?

289. Wow!

290. Most kites on a single 11,284!

291. Most chocolate chips in a single cookie: 2,684.6!

292. All right, chocolate!

293. Most pogos on a pogo stick.

294. Fattest worm!

295. Most bones broken in a single bicycle accident!

296. What you dorkwads doing now?

297. We're just reading this book of world records.

298. It's great.

299. Let me see that thing.

300. Most fingertip pushups?

301. Most consecutive nights sleeping with scorpions?

302. Criminy.

303. What a bunch of geeks and weirdoes.

304. This isn't a book of records; it's a book of morons.

305. Come on, Helga.

306. I mean, sure, there's lots of weird stuff in here,

307. but there's lots of cool stuff too.

308. Like this.

309. "The largest bubblegum bubble was blown by Phyllis Sorenson

310. "of Moosejaw, Saskatchewan.

311. "It was 33 inches across

312. and took 46 pieces of gum to make."

313. Yeah, big deal.

314. Does it say how long it took her

315. to pull all the gum off her face?

316. No.

317. You know why?

318. 'Cause it's dumb.

319. I mean, who cares how many pogos some guy did in Timbuktu?

320. Nobody.

321. If you dweebs want to sit there reading that dumb book,

322. fine, but I've got more important things to do.

323. Come on, Phoebe.

324. Let's go down to the river and throw rocks.

325. And by the way, it's Saskatchewan.

326. A province in Canada.

327. Our neighbor to the north, football brain?

328. Helga's wrong about this book.

329. I don't know.

330. She made a couple of good points.

331. I mean, who really cares

332. how many sardines a guy can clean in an hour?

333. Gerald, the people in this book

334. are the best in the world.

335. They're at the forefront of human achievement.

336. To be listed in the book of world records

337. is to get a little piece of immortality.

338. Uh-huh.

339. You wanna go down to the river and throw rocks?

340. Gerald, don't you see what I'm trying to say?

341. If you and I broke a world record,

342. we'd be listed in this book forever.

343. Yeah.

344. That'd be pretty cool.

345. But come on, Arnold,

346. what world record could we break?

347. I don't know.

348. But if we break one, we'll be the most famous kids

349. in the whole city.

350. Walking backwards.

351. Wait a minute, tell me again.

352. Now, why did we pick walking backwards?

353. It's a classic. Oh, yeah.

354. So how far do you think we've gone?

355. About a mile.

356. What's the record?

357. Let me check.

358. "Franny Kodzell walked backwards from Santa Monica, California

359. "to Istanbul.

360. 8,773 miles."

361. Let's try something else.

362. Uh...

363. How about flaming limbo dancing?

364. Are you kidding?

365. I don't want to burn my belly. Okay.

366. What about chainsaw juggling?

367. Skip on down.

368. Mantle of bees?

369. Forget it, Arnold.

370. We're never gonna find a world record we can break.

371. You guys still trying to break a world record?

372. Yeah. Yeah.

373. You don't have to do that kind of stuff.

374. You should do stuff you already know you can do.

375. Stuff that doesn't take any real talent.

376. You know, kid stuff.

377. Like, uh...

378. Most days without taking a bath!

379. Yeah!

380. (man) Here they come!

381. Oh, yay!

382. (man) Got ya!

383. Okay, let's scrub!

384. Face the facts, football face,

385. there's no way you two lame-os

386. are ever gonna break a world record.

387. You're right, Helga. I am?

388. The two of us can't.

389. What we need is more kids!

390. Highest pyramid of kids.

391. Longest game of crack the whip.

392. Whee!

393. This is not safe.

394. Most kids riding on a single bike.

395. No!

396. Ahh!

397. I'm fine.

398. Hey, I'm not having any fun.

399. This isn't fun.

400. You guys stink.

401. I'm getting out of here

402. and making my own world record.

403. Yeah!

404. Who's with me?

405. Uh... I'm in.

406. This really bites.

407. I'm not sure how many more records we can try to break.

408. I'm game.

409. Come on, you guys.

410. We can't give up.

411. There's plenty of records we haven't tried yet.

412. Look, Arnold, wake up, okay?

413. I mean, come on.

414. How many things do you have to fail at?

415. How many windmills have to knock you on your butt

416. before you realize you're just an average kid

417. with a bunch of average friends

418. and you can't do anything better than anybody else?

419. That's not true, Helga.

420. There's plenty of things we can do

421. better than anyone else.

422. Stinky, nobody else can roll a sleeping bag

423. as tight as you, right?

424. Well, uh...

425. And, Phoebe, who else has your encyclopedic knowledge

426. of Italian sauces? Mm-hmm.

427. Gerald, who else can chop up a zucchini with his

428. mom's car keys?

429. Come on, you guys.

430. Think.

431. All we've got to do is figure out how to combine these

432. seemingly useless talents into one idea,

433. to make something so great,

434. so unique, so incredibly cool

435. that no one else could possibly pull off the same thing!

436. Great.

437. So Stinky can roll something, Phoebe knows sauces

438. and Geraldo's a human Veg-o-matic.

439. So what?

440. So— so, we'll cook something!

441. Yeah, right.

442. What?

443. Like the world's biggest casserole?

444. Biggest doughnut!

445. (all) Yeah!

446. Biggest sundae!

447. (all) Yeah!

448. Biggest crawdad!

449. (all) Yeah!

450. No, the world's biggest pizza puff!

451. Stinky can roll the crust.

452. Phoebe, you can create the sauce.

453. Gerald, you can lead us with the vegetable chopping.

454. Yeah!

455. Good idea, Arnold.

456. It'll be huge!

457. We'll get Mr. Green to donate salami.

458. Mrs. Johanssen for the sacks of flour!

459. There is a rosemary oregano sauce

460. I've been experimenting with.

461. What's a pizza puff?

462. Biggest pizza puff?

463. Oh, brother, Arnold.

464. What a stupid idea!

465. Where do you come up with this stuff?

466. My love is such a visionary.

467. All right, here's the plan, Brainy.

468. You go get the quarters from the very nice people,

469. okay, and then I'm going to sit on this pony

470. until I can break a world record.

471. Yeah, are you with me? Uh-huh.

472. Yeah!

473. This time, I think we really did it.

474. I hope we put enough baking soda.

475. 150 teaspoons should be plenty.

476. Teaspoons?

477. I didn't know it was teaspoons.

478. What did you think "TSP" stood for?

479. Uh, ten square pounds?

480. Uh-oh.

481. Look out, she's gonna blow!

482. (all) Oh...

483. Well, that's it.

484. We've tried to break just about every record in the book

485. and we haven't even gotten close.

486. I guess that just means one thing.

487. What's that, Gerald?

488. Maybe we're not special.

489. Maybe we're not unique.

490. And maybe we'll never break a world record.

491. Yeah, Gerald.

492. Maybe you're right.

493. Unless...

494. Unless what?

495. No time to talk, Gerald!

496. I've got a letter to write.

497. I'll see you!

498. Poor boy.

499. He just can't face the facts.

500. We did it, we did it!

501. I'll say you did it.

502. And we're still cleaning it up, too.

503. Arnold, what in the world is that?

504. What is it, Arnold? What have you got?

505. Ha, now what, football head?

506. It's from the people at the book of world records.

507. They say they're gonna put us in the book!

508. What? What?

509. Huh, why are they gonna do that?

510. We didn't break any records.

511. Oh, yes we did.

512. We broke the record for most attempts to get in

513. the book of world records!

514. They saw we're the most determined neighborhood

515. they've ever heard of!

516. We're famous, we're famous!

517. My love has done it again!

518. We're special, we're unique!

519. We're one-of-a-kind!

520. Oh, joy.

521. Oh, rapture.

522. Oh, ecstasy.

523. Oh, I knew it all along.