1. (all)
Arnold!Copy !req
2. Hey, Arnold!Copy !req
3. Arnold.Copy !req
4. Arnold!Copy !req
5. Arnold!Copy !req
6. Arnold!Copy !req
7. Move it,
football head!Copy !req
8. (all)
Hey, Arnold!Copy !req
9. Fire!Copy !req
10. Fire!Copy !req
11. Stop, stop!Copy !req
12. It's a false alarm!Copy !req
13. Wait 'til I get my hands on
the kid who pulled that alarm.Copy !req
14. Eugene Horowitz,Copy !req
15. you have been caught
red-handed in the pullingCopy !req
16. of the fire alarm—
a most serious offense.Copy !req
17. But I didn't do it.Copy !req
18. What my client
is trying to say isCopy !req
19. he didn't do it,
Your Honor.Copy !req
20. Now, according to the bylaws
of this school district,Copy !req
21. you can only be expelledCopy !req
22. after being found guilty by
a jury of your student peers.Copy !req
23. Face it, Eugene,
you're gonna fry.Copy !req
24. I didn't do it!Copy !req
25. Bye, Eagle Scouts.Copy !req
26. Guilty.Copy !req
27. Guilty.Copy !req
28. Guilty.Copy !req
29. Guilty.Copy !req
30. Fudgy Nut Nut Bar?Copy !req
31. It's on the back,
Madam Fortress Mommy.Copy !req
32. Oh, guilty.Copy !req
33. And not guilty?Copy !req
34. Come on, get this
stuff out of the way.
Not guilty?Copy !req
35. All right,
who's the bonehead?Copy !req
36. Helga, our votes are
supposed to be secret.Copy !req
37. Yeah, right, Phoebe.Copy !req
38. Quit kidding around
and change your voteCopy !req
39. so we can get
out of here.Copy !req
40. I've got tickets
to WrestleMania.Copy !req
41. And I'm hungry!
Yeah, come on,
let's get this over with!Copy !req
42. Peanut butter smeared
on the fire alarm.Copy !req
43. Phoebe didn't vote
not guilty.Copy !req
44. I did.Copy !req
45. You?
Why?Copy !req
46. Why'd you do it?Copy !req
47. Well, I'm not convinced.Copy !req
48. He could be innocent.Copy !req
49. Yeah, and little
green aliens could beCopy !req
50. building an advanced
civilizationCopy !req
51. inside my nose.Copy !req
52. Come on, Arnold.Copy !req
53. No, really, I think there's
reasonable doubtCopy !req
54. that Eugene
pulled the fire alarm.Copy !req
55. What?Copy !req
56. You've gotta be
kidding me.Copy !req
57. I'll never get
out of here on time.Copy !req
58. Come on.Copy !req
59. What's more important?Copy !req
60. Our petty little pleasures or
making sure that ourCopy !req
61. classmate gets
a fair trial?Copy !req
62. Vote guilty!Copy !req
63. Yeah, come on,
let's go, let's go!Copy !req
64. Look, the least we can do is
go over the evidence again.Copy !req
65. We owe it to Eugene.Copy !req
66. Oh!Copy !req
67. Fine.Copy !req
68. If the football head
wants to go through the evidenceCopy !req
69. again, then we'll
go through the evidence...Copy !req
70. again.Copy !req
71. But if I miss
WrestleMania,Copy !req
72. it's gonna
be your butt.Copy !req
73. Harold, you start.Copy !req
74. But I'm hungry!Copy !req
75. Here's a banana.Copy !req
76. Get started.Copy !req
77. Okay, well, here's why
it had to have been Eugene.Copy !req
78. It was just after lunchCopy !req
79. and we was all coming
out of the cafeteria.Copy !req
80. I remember 'cause
I had just finishedCopy !req
81. my third pudding pack,Copy !req
82. and so I wasn't as hungry
as I usually am.Copy !req
83. Get on with it,
pink boy.Copy !req
84. Oh yeah, yeah,
yeah, right, okay.Copy !req
85. Anyways, according to
the "testifaction" ofCopy !req
86. Squeaky Peterson,Copy !req
87. just before
the fire alarm was pulled,Copy !req
88. she "observified" EugeneCopy !req
89. walking right by
the fire alarm.Copy !req
90. It was at that moment...Copy !req
91. that someone...
unknown to the rest of us,Copy !req
92. but definitely not me,
you guys,Copy !req
93. pulled Squeaky's
right pigtail hard,Copy !req
94. detracting her.Copy !req
95. While Squeaky was detracted,Copy !req
96. someone pulled
the fire alarm!Copy !req
97. And who was right there?Copy !req
98. Who?Copy !req
99. Who?Copy !req
100. No one else but...Copy !req
101. Out of the way,
I'm a certified CPU.Copy !req
102. Ah, that's better.Copy !req
103. What monkey boy here
is trying to sayCopy !req
104. is that Eugene
had the opportunity.Copy !req
105. So Eugene had
the opportunity, Helga.Copy !req
106. So what?Copy !req
107. There were lots
of kids there.Copy !req
108. They all had
the same opportunity.Copy !req
109. Well, how many kids had
peanut butterCopy !req
110. smeared all over 'em?Copy !req
111. His hands were
covered with it.Copy !req
112. So was the fire alarm.Copy !req
113. Peanut butter
is no proof of anything.Copy !req
114. What about
the glasses?Copy !req
115. The footprints?
Slow down.Copy !req
116. Let's look at all the evidence,
one thing at a time.Copy !req
117. Fine.Copy !req
118. Who wants to talk about
the evidence?Copy !req
119. I believe I took
good notes on that, Helga.Copy !req
120. Then spill it, sister,
and make it snappy.Copy !req
121. It's not every day
that Bloated BillCopy !req
122. wrestles Haystack CalhounCopy !req
123. and I'm not
gonna miss it.Copy !req
124. I believe that we've already
established thatCopy !req
125. the peanut butter
smeared on the fire alarmCopy !req
126. was of the same style—
creamy—Copy !req
127. as Eugene usually eats.Copy !req
128. Although he testified he has
also enjoyed chunky on occasion,Copy !req
129. usually when his mom was
out of creamy,Copy !req
130. well, we all know that—
Phoebe!Copy !req
131. While we're young,
please!Copy !req
132. I'm surrounded.
Hurrying.Copy !req
133. Um, in addition to
the peanut butter evidence,Copy !req
134. a pair of eyeglasses were
found a few feetCopy !req
135. from the scene of the crime.Copy !req
136. A few minutes
after the fire alarm,Copy !req
137. the students were allowed
to reenter the building.Copy !req
138. It was at this point,
the eyeglasses in questionCopy !req
139. were discovered by our
classmate Sid.Copy !req
140. Hey, these appear
to be Eugene's.Copy !req
141. Look, everybody,
Eugene's glasses.Copy !req
142. Boy howdy,
Eugene is gonna fry.Copy !req
143. Hmm.Copy !req
144. These are Eugene's glasses.Copy !req
145. Hmm.Copy !req
146. Since the eyeglasses,
which have been positivelyCopy !req
147. identified as belonging
to Eugene—Copy !req
148. were discovered
next to the fire alarmCopy !req
149. and since it was a Tuesday
and on Tuesdays,Copy !req
150. Eugene has to wear
his glasses because—Copy !req
151. Get to the footprints,
brainiac!Copy !req
152. Footprints were found
leading up to the fire alarmCopy !req
153. and then into a nearby
broom closet.Copy !req
154. They were of the same
size and unusual make ofCopy !req
155. Eugene's distinctive
sandals.Copy !req
156. And finally, a pencil stubCopy !req
157. with the word Winkyland
was foundCopy !req
158. outside the broom closet.Copy !req
159. Hmm, whose Winkyland...Copy !req
160. Therefore,
in conclusion, it—Copy !req
161. Appears that Eugene
is as guilty as sin.Copy !req
162. Come on, Arnold.Copy !req
163. Peanut butter
on the fire alarm,Copy !req
164. glasses on the floor,Copy !req
165. footprints from
some fancy sandals.Copy !req
166. Criminy!Copy !req
167. What more evidence
do you need?Copy !req
168. Hey, Arnold,
Helga's right, man.Copy !req
169. I mean, face it.Copy !req
170. Eugene was hiding in
the broom closet.Copy !req
171. Exactly.Copy !req
172. What Geraldo here
is trying to sayCopy !req
173. is that Eugene was caughtCopy !req
174. in the act of fleeing
from the scene of the crime.Copy !req
175. Helga, baby,
put your feet up.Copy !req
176. I'll tell it.Copy !req
177. Now, I think admittedly
the above mentionedCopy !req
178. heinous crime...
Eugene must have figured thatCopy !req
179. he could hide in
the broom closet,Copy !req
180. so all the kids ran past.Copy !req
181. But he accidentally
locked himself in.Copy !req
182. Hello?Copy !req
183. Could someone
please let me out?Copy !req
184. And that's where the principal
found him,Copy !req
185. about a minute later.Copy !req
186. So therefore, Arnold,
we can concludeCopy !req
187. that Eugene is not
exactly a criminal mastermind,Copy !req
188. but that he did get caught
fleeing from the scene.Copy !req
189. He's guilty, man.Copy !req
190. So he was in a closet.Copy !req
191. We've found Eugene
locked in closets before.Copy !req
192. Look, you guys, I'm not saying
Eugene couldn't have done it.Copy !req
193. I'm just saying that
I still have reasonable doubt.Copy !req
194. What?Copy !req
195. Oh, come on, Arnold.Copy !req
196. Eugene's guilty
three ways to Sunday.Copy !req
197. You know it, I know it,Copy !req
198. the American
people know it.Copy !req
199. How can you possibly
have any doubts?Copy !req
200. Hey, it makes just as much
sense as anything else.Copy !req
201. Okay.Copy !req
202. Here's my version.Copy !req
203. Maybe when he was eating lunch,
someone distracted himCopy !req
204. from his peanut butter sandwich.Copy !req
205. (boy)
Hey, Melvin.Copy !req
206. Who, me?Copy !req
207. Later, when Eugene
was going to class,Copy !req
208. he could have tripped,Copy !req
209. just like he does every day
for one reason or another.Copy !req
210. I'm fine.Copy !req
211. Here, I'll help you.Copy !req
212. Thanks.Copy !req
213. Must be the bump
in the hallway there.Copy !req
214. I lost my balance.Copy !req
215. I can't see a thing without
my glasses, of course.Copy !req
216. No problem.Copy !req
217. You see what I mean?Copy !req
218. Every single piece of evidence
could have been set upCopy !req
219. and there's even
one piece of evidenceCopy !req
220. that couldn't possibly
have come from Eugene.Copy !req
221. And what evidence
is that, head boy?Copy !req
222. The Winkyland pencil!Copy !req
223. Everyone knows Eugene.Copy !req
224. He's been in more accidents
this year aloneCopy !req
225. than all of us combinedCopy !req
226. and everyone knows that
Eugene was banned last fallCopy !req
227. from Winkyland when he tripped
off the bandstand and causedCopy !req
228. the whole Thanksgiving Day
parade to crash.Copy !req
229. Anyway, even though
he loves Winkyland,Copy !req
230. it's not likely that he'd
have one of their pencils,Copy !req
231. since he hasn't been
near there since.Copy !req
232. So why would Eugene
have a Winkyland pencil?Copy !req
233. Because someone planted it
outside the broom closetCopy !req
234. with a motive to
frame him, that's why.Copy !req
235. And who has that
motive?Copy !req
236. Someone who hates Eugene.Copy !req
237. Someone who has
reason to harm him.Copy !req
238. Someone, someone, someone,
someone, someone...Copy !req
239. Okay, okay,
I did it!Copy !req
240. I confess.Copy !req
241. I planted
the peanut butter.Copy !req
242. I made the shoeprints.Copy !req
243. I left the glasses at
the scene of the crime!Copy !req
244. But why, Curly?Copy !req
245. Because three months,
two weeks and four days ago,Copy !req
246. Eugene borrowed my favorite
pencil—Copy !req
247. the pencil I got last summerCopy !req
248. at Winkyland—Copy !req
249. and then when he finally
returned it,Copy !req
250. it had
chew marks all over itCopy !req
251. and he sharpened it down
to the metal part!Copy !req
252. I couldn't sleep!Copy !req
253. I couldn't eat!Copy !req
254. All I could think about
was EugeneCopy !req
255. writing with my pencil,Copy !req
256. Eugene chewing
on my eraserCopy !req
257. and Eugene sharpening,
sharpening, sharpening!Copy !req
258. And then when he finally
gives it back to me, he says...Copy !req
259. Here, Curly.Copy !req
260. Like it was no big deal!Copy !req
261. Well, I couldn't just take that
lying down.Copy !req
262. I had to do something.Copy !req
263. So I got
this plan, see?Copy !req
264. The fire alarm.Copy !req
265. I'd pull it and then I'd frame
Eugene for the crime.Copy !req
266. All I needed to
do was plant the right clues:Copy !req
267. the peanut butter,Copy !req
268. the glasses and,
to top it all off,Copy !req
269. the pencil!Copy !req
270. Bingo,
he'd be branded for life!Copy !req
271. In light of recent evidenceCopy !req
272. and at the request
of the student jury,Copy !req
273. the court finds Eugene
innocent.Copy !req
274. I never lost faith
in you, Eugene.Copy !req
275. You know, Arnold,Copy !req
276. not too many kids would have
stood up to the whole juryCopy !req
277. like you did.Copy !req
278. I had to do it,
Gerald.Copy !req
279. You're a bold kid.Copy !req
280. So you admit you
pulled the fire alarm.Copy !req
281. That's right!Copy !req
282. I did it!Copy !req
283. I pulled
the fire alarm!Copy !req
284. And I'd do it
again too!Copy !req
285. See?Copy !req
286. Stop that!Copy !req
287. Deepest hole.Copy !req
288. 7,265 feet?Copy !req
289. Wow!Copy !req
290. Most kites on a single
11,284!Copy !req
291. Most chocolate chips in
a single cookie: 2,684.6!Copy !req
292. All right, chocolate!Copy !req
293. Most pogos
on a pogo stick.Copy !req
294. Fattest worm!Copy !req
295. Most bones broken in
a single bicycle accident!Copy !req
296. What you dorkwads
doing now?Copy !req
297. We're just reading this
book of world records.Copy !req
298. It's great.Copy !req
299. Let me see
that thing.Copy !req
300. Most fingertip pushups?Copy !req
301. Most consecutive nights
sleeping with scorpions?Copy !req
302. Criminy.Copy !req
303. What a bunch of
geeks and weirdoes.Copy !req
304. This isn't a book of records;
it's a book of morons.Copy !req
305. Come on, Helga.Copy !req
306. I mean, sure, there's lots of
weird stuff in here,Copy !req
307. but there's
lots of cool stuff too.Copy !req
308. Like this.Copy !req
309. "The largest bubblegum bubble
was blown by Phyllis SorensonCopy !req
310. "of Moosejaw, Saskatchewan.Copy !req
311. "It was 33 inches
acrossCopy !req
312. and took 46
pieces of gum to make."Copy !req
313. Yeah, big deal.Copy !req
314. Does it say
how long it took herCopy !req
315. to pull all the gum
off her face?Copy !req
316. No.Copy !req
317. You know why?Copy !req
318. 'Cause it's dumb.Copy !req
319. I mean, who cares how many pogos
some guy did in Timbuktu?Copy !req
320. Nobody.Copy !req
321. If you dweebs want to sit
there reading that dumb book,Copy !req
322. fine, but I've got more
important things to do.Copy !req
323. Come on, Phoebe.Copy !req
324. Let's go down to
the river and throw rocks.Copy !req
325. And by the way,
it's Saskatchewan.Copy !req
326. A province in Canada.Copy !req
327. Our neighbor to the north,
football brain?Copy !req
328. Helga's wrong
about this book.Copy !req
329. I don't know.Copy !req
330. She made a couple
of good points.Copy !req
331. I mean, who really caresCopy !req
332. how many sardines a guy
can clean in an hour?Copy !req
333. Gerald, the people
in this bookCopy !req
334. are the best in the world.Copy !req
335. They're at the forefront
of human achievement.Copy !req
336. To be listed in
the book of world recordsCopy !req
337. is to get a little piece
of immortality.Copy !req
338. Uh-huh.Copy !req
339. You wanna go down to
the river and throw rocks?Copy !req
340. Gerald, don't you see
what I'm trying to say?Copy !req
341. If you and I broke
a world record,Copy !req
342. we'd be listed in
this book forever.Copy !req
343. Yeah.Copy !req
344. That'd be pretty cool.Copy !req
345. But come on,
Arnold,Copy !req
346. what world record
could we break?Copy !req
347. I don't know.Copy !req
348. But if we break one,
we'll be the most famous kidsCopy !req
349. in the whole city.Copy !req
350. Walking backwards.Copy !req
351. Wait a minute,
tell me again.Copy !req
352. Now, why did we pick
walking backwards?Copy !req
353. It's a classic.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
354. So how far do you
think we've gone?Copy !req
355. About a mile.Copy !req
356. What's the record?Copy !req
357. Let me check.Copy !req
358. "Franny Kodzell walked backwards
from Santa Monica, CaliforniaCopy !req
359. "to Istanbul.Copy !req
360. 8,773 miles."Copy !req
361. Let's try
something else.Copy !req
362. Uh...Copy !req
363. How about
flaming limbo dancing?Copy !req
364. Are you kidding?Copy !req
365. I don't want to
burn my belly.
Okay.Copy !req
366. What about
chainsaw juggling?Copy !req
367. Skip on down.Copy !req
368. Mantle of bees?Copy !req
369. Forget it, Arnold.Copy !req
370. We're never gonna find
a world record we can break.Copy !req
371. You guys still trying
to break a world record?Copy !req
372. Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
373. You don't have to
do that kind of stuff.Copy !req
374. You should do stuff you
already know you can do.Copy !req
375. Stuff that doesn't take
any real talent.Copy !req
376. You know, kid stuff.Copy !req
377. Like, uh...Copy !req
378. Most days without
taking a bath!Copy !req
379. Yeah!Copy !req
380. (man)
Here they come!Copy !req
381. Oh, yay!Copy !req
382. (man)
Got ya!Copy !req
383. Okay, let's scrub!Copy !req
384. Face the facts,
football face,Copy !req
385. there's no way
you two lame-osCopy !req
386. are ever gonna break
a world record.Copy !req
387. You're right, Helga.
I am?Copy !req
388. The two of us can't.Copy !req
389. What we need
is more kids!Copy !req
390. Highest pyramid of kids.Copy !req
391. Longest game of
crack the whip.Copy !req
392. Whee!Copy !req
393. This is not safe.Copy !req
394. Most kids riding on
a single bike.Copy !req
395. No!Copy !req
396. Ahh!Copy !req
397. I'm fine.Copy !req
398. Hey, I'm not
having any fun.Copy !req
399. This isn't fun.Copy !req
400. You guys stink.Copy !req
401. I'm getting out of hereCopy !req
402. and making
my own world record.Copy !req
403. Yeah!Copy !req
404. Who's with me?Copy !req
405. Uh... I'm in.Copy !req
406. This really bites.Copy !req
407. I'm not sure how many more
records we can try to break.Copy !req
408. I'm game.Copy !req
409. Come on, you guys.Copy !req
410. We can't give up.Copy !req
411. There's plenty of records
we haven't tried yet.Copy !req
412. Look, Arnold,
wake up, okay?Copy !req
413. I mean, come on.Copy !req
414. How many things
do you have to fail at?Copy !req
415. How many windmills have to
knock you on your buttCopy !req
416. before you realize
you're just an average kidCopy !req
417. with a bunch of average
friendsCopy !req
418. and you can't do anything
better than anybody else?Copy !req
419. That's not true, Helga.Copy !req
420. There's plenty of
things we can doCopy !req
421. better than anyone else.Copy !req
422. Stinky, nobody else
can roll a sleeping bagCopy !req
423. as tight as you, right?Copy !req
424. Well, uh...Copy !req
425. And, Phoebe, who else has your
encyclopedic knowledgeCopy !req
426. of Italian sauces?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
427. Gerald, who else can chop up
a zucchini with hisCopy !req
428. mom's car keys?Copy !req
429. Come on, you guys.Copy !req
430. Think.Copy !req
431. All we've got to do is
figure out how to combine theseCopy !req
432. seemingly useless talents into
one idea,Copy !req
433. to make something so great,Copy !req
434. so unique,
so incredibly coolCopy !req
435. that no one else could possibly
pull off the same thing!Copy !req
436. Great.Copy !req
437. So Stinky can roll something,
Phoebe knows saucesCopy !req
438. and Geraldo's
a human Veg-o-matic.Copy !req
439. So what?Copy !req
440. So— so,
we'll cook something!Copy !req
441. Yeah, right.Copy !req
442. What?Copy !req
443. Like the world's biggest
casserole?Copy !req
444. Biggest doughnut!Copy !req
445. (all)
Yeah!Copy !req
446. Biggest sundae!Copy !req
447. (all)
Yeah!Copy !req
448. Biggest crawdad!Copy !req
449. (all)
Yeah!Copy !req
450. No, the world's
biggest pizza puff!Copy !req
451. Stinky
can roll the crust.Copy !req
452. Phoebe, you can create
the sauce.Copy !req
453. Gerald, you can lead us
with the vegetable chopping.Copy !req
454. Yeah!Copy !req
455. Good idea, Arnold.Copy !req
456. It'll be huge!Copy !req
457. We'll get Mr. Green
to donate salami.Copy !req
458. Mrs. Johanssen for
the sacks of flour!Copy !req
459. There is a rosemary
oregano sauceCopy !req
460. I've been
experimenting with.Copy !req
461. What's a pizza puff?Copy !req
462. Biggest pizza puff?Copy !req
463. Oh, brother, Arnold.Copy !req
464. What a stupid idea!Copy !req
465. Where do you
come up with this stuff?Copy !req
466. My love is such
a visionary.Copy !req
467. All right,
here's the plan, Brainy.Copy !req
468. You go get the quarters from
the very nice people,Copy !req
469. okay, and then
I'm going to sit on this ponyCopy !req
470. until I can break
a world record.Copy !req
471. Yeah,
are you with me?
Uh-huh.Copy !req
472. Yeah!Copy !req
473. This time,
I think we really did it.Copy !req
474. I hope we put
enough baking soda.Copy !req
475. 150 teaspoons should
be plenty.Copy !req
476. Teaspoons?Copy !req
477. I didn't know it was teaspoons.Copy !req
478. What did you think
"TSP" stood for?Copy !req
479. Uh, ten square pounds?Copy !req
480. Uh-oh.Copy !req
481. Look out,
she's gonna blow!Copy !req
482. (all)
Oh...Copy !req
483. Well, that's it.Copy !req
484. We've tried to break just about
every record in the bookCopy !req
485. and we haven't
even gotten close.Copy !req
486. I guess that just means
one thing.Copy !req
487. What's that, Gerald?Copy !req
488. Maybe we're not
special.Copy !req
489. Maybe we're
not unique.Copy !req
490. And maybe we'll never break
a world record.Copy !req
491. Yeah, Gerald.Copy !req
492. Maybe you're right.Copy !req
493. Unless...Copy !req
494. Unless what?Copy !req
495. No time to talk, Gerald!Copy !req
496. I've got
a letter to write.Copy !req
497. I'll see you!Copy !req
498. Poor boy.Copy !req
499. He just can't
face the facts.Copy !req
500. We did it, we did it!Copy !req
501. I'll say
you did it.Copy !req
502. And we're still cleaning
it up, too.Copy !req
503. Arnold, what in
the world is that?Copy !req
504. What is it, Arnold?
What have you got?Copy !req
505. Ha, now what,
football head?Copy !req
506. It's from the people at
the book of world records.Copy !req
507. They say they're gonna put us
in the book!Copy !req
508. What?
What?Copy !req
509. Huh, why are they
gonna do that?Copy !req
510. We didn't break any records.Copy !req
511. Oh, yes we did.Copy !req
512. We broke the record for
most attempts to get inCopy !req
513. the book of world records!Copy !req
514. They saw we're the most
determined neighborhoodCopy !req
515. they've ever heard of!Copy !req
516. We're famous,
we're famous!Copy !req
517. My love has done it again!Copy !req
518. We're special,
we're unique!Copy !req
519. We're one-of-a-kind!Copy !req
520. Oh, joy.Copy !req
521. Oh, rapture.Copy !req
522. Oh, ecstasy.Copy !req
523. Oh, I knew it
all along.Copy !req