Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law 4x6

Lewis Black as The Deadly Duplicator (voice)

Harvey suffers a mental breakdown in court, leading to the loss of a juror. At the same time, he's summoned to serve as a juror. On the same trial. But problem solved when Duplicator creates a 2nd Harvey to perform his civic duty. Can two Harveys win over a jury, when it's relatively clear that just one Harvey who tries really, really hard barely makes any substantial impact whatsoever? Meanwhile, Potamus claims sexual harassment at the hands of Judy Ken Sebben. Emotionally scarred, he finds comfort in support groups and hot interns.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. BUT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF

2. WHY WAS MY CLIENT FIRED FROM HIS POSITION

3. IN A FOOD SERVICE JOB WHEN HE WAS, IN FACT, WEARING

4. A HAIR NET?

5. HARVEY, APPROACH PLEASE.

6. THAT WASN'T THE PROBLEM.

7. IT WASN'T?

8. NO.

9. I THINK PEOPLE MORE HAD AN ISSUE WITH THE FACT THAT HE MAULED THE

10. ENTIRE WAIT STAFF AND SOME FOLKS WAITING IN THE DRIVE-THRU...

11. AND THE WEENSY BURGER INTERCOM.

12. HOW COULD I MISS THAT?

13. MAULING!

14. I HAVE NOTHING ON MAULING.

15. I THOUGHT THE WHOLE THING HINGED ON THE HAIR NET.

16. HE'S HAIRY.

17. GOTTA FIND SOME WAY TO STALL.

18. THE GUY WITH THE CREVICE ON HIS HEAD.

19. I'LL POINT IT OUT AND EVERYONE WILL LAUGH.

20. WAIT!

21. WAIT, I'VE SEEN HIM SOMEWHERE BEFORE.

22. AH.

23. YOUR HONOR, I DEMAND WE POSTPONE THESE PROCEEDINGS UNTIL WE

24. REPLACE THIS JUROR, WHOM, I BELIEVE, HAS SERVED ON EVERY

25. SINGLE ONE OF MY TRIALS, AND THEREFORE IS TAINTED.

26. AND IT ONLY TOOK YOU...

27. 38 CASES TO FIGURE IT OUT.

28. RIGHT.

29. WELL, WE'LL CALL FOR A NEW JUROR AND POSTPONE PROCEEDINGS UNTIL

30. SUCH TIME.

31. HA.

32. HA HA!

33. SO, I SAID, "YOUR HONOR, WE NEED ANOTHER JUROR," JUST TO

34. STALL FOR TIME.

35. AND HE FELL FOR IT!

36. HA HA HA!

37. OY.

38. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO FEEL HIM?

39. HARVEY ATTORNEY HABEAS CORPUS

40. MARVEY ATTORNEY HARVEY BIRDMAN

41. ATTORNEY AT LAW ♪ MY ASSOCIATES AND I WOULD

42. LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO YOUR INTERNSHIPS HERE WITH US.

43. CAREER GROWTH!

44. I'LL MAKE HER REAR GROW.

45. HA HA.

46. I DON'T GET IT.

47. CAREER GROW.

48. RE?

49. HUH?

50. FOR MOST, THE ENTRY LEVEL POSITION—

51. ENTRY LEVEL POSITION.

52. HA HA.

53. LIKE THE COWGIRL?

54. IS PARALEGAL.

55. VERY NICE PAIR OF LEGALS.

56. HA HA HA HA.

57. YOU DO KNOW THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

58. MR. POTAMUS?

59. YEP?

60. I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU GREW UP.

61. OH.

62. I'LL GROW UP, ALL RIGHT.

63. HA HA HA.

64. THAT'S IT!

65. IN MY OFFICE IN AN HOUR!

66. TROUBLE.

67. SHE JUST WANTS TO GET ME ALONE.

68. THAT'S ALL IT IS, RIGHT?

69. OH.

70. YEAH.

71. I'M SURE THAT'S ALL IT IS.

72. HA HA.

73. HA HA HA HA!

74. I HAVE TO CALL THIS NUMBER AFTER 5 P.M. TO SEE IF IT IS

75. NECESSARY TO REPORT FOR JURY DUTY.

76. WHO AM I TALKING TO?

77. PLEASE SAY NO.

78. PLEASE SAY NO.

79. IF YOUR NUMBER IS BELOW 2,358...

80. YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPORT TOMORROW.

81. DAMN!

82. I'M NOT FINISHED.

83. OH.

84. IF YOUR NUMBER IS DIVISIBLE BY 14, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPORT.

85. DAMN.

86. IF TWO TRAINS LEFT YOUR NUMBER AT THE SAME TIME HEADED

87. IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPORT.

88. DAMN.

89. IF YOUR NUMBER IS 2,359 OR ABOVE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPORT.

90. YES!

91. UNLESS IT IS 2,359, AND THEN YOU DO.

92. WE'LL SEE YOU AT 5:45 A.M., SUCKER!

93. OH, GOD!

94. WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE'S GONNA DO?

95. UM...

96. I THINK SHE'S GONNA FIRE YOU.

97. FIRE ME?

98. WHO DIED AND MADE HER BOSS?

99. MM-MMM.

100. OOH.

101. HER DAD ACTUALLY.

102. WHAT WOULD I DO IF I LOST MY JOB?

103. IT AIN'T LIKE I CAN STAY HOME AND DO THE ACROSTIC OR EMBROIDER

104. OR TWIDDLE MY THUMBS.

105. NOTHING WITHOUT MY JOB!

106. NOTHING!

107. HIPPO, GET IN HERE!

108. SIT.

109. AAGH!

110. MR. POTAMUS, WHILE CERTAIN BEHAVIOR WAS

111. TOLERATED UNDER MY FATHER— DADDY!

112. IT WILL IN NO WAY BE TOLERATED UNDER ME.

113. I COULD TOLERATE BEING UNDER YOU.

114. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

115. I COULD...

116. TOLERATE...

117. BEING UNDER YOU.

118. THAT IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!

119. YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO

120. INCLUDE THIS WRITTEN WARNING THAT CLEARLY STATES THAT

121. CONTINUED BEHAVIOR LIKE THIS WILL RESULT IN DISCIPLINARY

122. ACTION UP TO AND INCLUDING TERMINATION!

123. I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING.

124. DISCIPLINARY...

125. ACTION.

126. SHE'S COMING ON TO ME.

127. HAVE I MADE MY INTENTIONS CLEAR?

128. MORE THAN CLEAR.

129. I THINK I BEST BE GOING.

130. I FEEL SO VIOLATATED.

131. I'M UP.

132. I'M UP!

133. OH!

134. JURY DUTY.

135. OH, WAIT.

136. WHO AM I TALKING TO?

137. I'M AFRAID FOR MY CAREER IF I DO

138. ANYTHING.

139. BRENDA, YOUR TURN.

140. WELL, IT STARTED WHEN MY BOSS

141. WOULD ACCIDENTALLY BRUSH UP AGAINST MY CHEST.

142. THAT'S HOT.

143. KEEP GOING.

144. WELL, THIS GROUP IS LUCKY.

145. WE NEED ONLY ONE JUROR AS A REPLACEMENT.

146. SO, THE ODDS ARE STAGGERINGLY HIGH IN EVERYONE'S FAVOR THAT

147. YOU WILL NOT BE CHOSEN AND CAN GO HOME.

148. AND THE JUROR IS...

149. HARVEY BIRDMAN.

150. BUT, JUDGE, IT CAN'T BE ME!

151. OH, WAIT.

152. LET ME LOOK AGAIN.

153. HARVEY BIRDMAN.

154. YES, THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS RIGHT HERE.

155. HARVEY BIR—H-A-R-V— BUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE

156. CASE I'M TRYING.

157. HOW CAN I SIT ON THE JURY AND TRY MY CASE?

158. BWEEOO.

159. WHAT?

160. MAKE A COPY OF HARVEY, WOULD YOU, PLEASE?

161. I HATE HARVEY BIRDMAN.

162. WHY WOULD I WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF HIM?

163. SO HE CAN SERVE JURY DUTY.

164. OH, OK— OH, I GOT IT—OH, OK.

165. AND SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, THE QUESTION IS,

166. DID THE WAIT STAFF DESERVE TO BE MAULED?

167. I ASK YOU?

168. OH, THIS IS GOOD!

169. MS. SEBBEN, BECAUSE OF THE COMPLAINTS THAT A CERTAIN

170. EMPLOYEE HAS LODGED— IT'S POTAMUS, ISN'T IT?

171. WELL, HA HA HA HA.

172. WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIVULGE THAT.

173. THE COMPANY HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE SOME ACTION SO THAT WE

174. AT LEAST LOOK LIKE WE'RE PROACTIVELY HANDLING THE

175. SITUATION.

176. FULL STOP.

177. WELL, FIRST, YOU CAN'T HAVE A MEETING WITH A MALE

178. EMPLOYEE WITHOUT AN H.R. WITNESS-SLASH-CHAPERONE

179. PRESENT.

180. HA HA HA HA.

181. SECOND, MS. SEBBEN, WE THINK IT BEST IF YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTIRE.

182. WHAT?

183. WE'D PREFER IT IF YOU WORE THIS.

184. OH!

185. THAT'S NOT SO BAD.

186. NO.

187. THERE'S ALSO THIS.

188. HOW DARE THEY TELL ME WHAT TO WEAR.

189. I RUN THIS FIRM.

190. WOULD THEY BE DOING THIS TO ME IF I WERE A MAN?

191. NO.

192. WHAT CAN I DO?

193. WAIT!

194. I KNOW.

195. I'LL CATCH POTAMUS IN HIS LIE, MAKE HIM DROP THE CHARGES, AND I

196. WILL DO IT AS BIRDGIRL!

197. 27.90?

198. BUT THIS MEAL VOUCHER THEY GAVE US IS ONLY GOOD FOR $3.00.

199. AHA HA HA HA HA HA!

200. YES!

201. YES!

202. THE MIGHTY BIRDMAN HUMBLED BY A CHIMICHANGA.

203. WAIT.

204. THAT THING IS 27.90?

205. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

206. THAT'S!

207. HE DIDN'T EVEN GET A FOUNTAIN DRINK.

208. GIVE ME THAT.

209. THERE.

210. NOW YOU OWE HIM 8.10.

211. WHO'S THAT FEEL, HUH?

212. AND WHAT THE IS CHIPOTLE ANYWAY?

213. WE'RE TAKING CHARGE OF OUR WORKPLACE, LADIES.

214. WE'RE GONNA SHOW THEM WE'RE NOT OBJECTS.

215. OH.

216. I FEEL SO VULNERABLE, SO ALONE.

217. I JUST NEED SOME SUPPORT— LIKE A HUG—

218. A HUG FROM TWO HOT INTERNS.

219. NOT A SIDE-HUG, A FRONT-ON HUG...

220. ON THE COPIER.

221. FULL-FRONTAL INTERNS.

222. WHAT THE?

223. SO...

224. HOW WAS YOUR DAY TODAY?

225. I'M UNDER ORDERS NOT TO TALK ABOUT THE TRIAL.

226. OH.

227. OH, RIGHT.

228. NOT EVEN A LITTLE?

229. NO, NOT EVEN A LITTLE.

230. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME HOW I DID!

231. OH, OH.

232. THEY'RE GETTING UP TO DELIBERATE.

233. UH, YOO-HOO!

234. GOOD LUCK, ME.

235. SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT...

236. US.

237. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY, HARRY WHATEVER.

238. HE WAS ALL...

239. "SURE, HE MAULED 'EM, BUT AT NO TIME WAS HE NOT

240. WEARING A HAIR NET."

241. "I'M USING MY SERIOUS VOICE TO IMPRESS YOU."

242. DO THEY ALWAYS COME BACK HERE

243. AND DO THIS?

244. "HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M WEARING YELLOW WINGTIPS

245. AND MY FLY IS UNDONE."

246. YEAH, AND HE WAS ALL, "I OBJECT.

247. WOULDN'T YOU GET IN A BLIND RAGE IF 14 ENTREES WERE BROUGHT BACK

248. TO YOU?" HA HA HA HA.

249. EH, EH?

250. WAIT.

251. STUMPY'S HERE.

252. GIVE ME A MINUTE.

253. COME ON!

254. ALMOST THERE.

255. SEND HIM IN.

256. MR. POTAMUS, THIS IS TOM FROM H.R.

257. OH, NO!

258. HOW AM I GONNA BLACKMAIL POTAMUS WITH THE H.R. GUY SITTING TWO

259. FEET AWAY?

260. WANT MY PAPER MATE?

261. HERE!

262. A WRITTEN APOLOGY FOR ANY MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN US.

263. THANK...

264. YOU.

265. OPEN IT.

266. HEY, HEY!

267. OPEN IT!

268. I HOPE IT AIN'T A FILTHY NOVELTY CARD.

269. I'VE BEEN DAMAGED!

270. OPEN IT!

271. SHE GOT ME.

272. WAIT!

273. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD SHOT OF KIMBERLY'S—

274. UH.

275. APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

276. HEY, H.R., I DROP ALL MY

277. CHARGES.

278. WE CAN SIGN WHATEVER PAPERS YOU WANT OVER BLOOMIN' PORK RINDS AT

279. BOOBIES.

280. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

281. HAS THE JURY REACHED A VERDICT?

282. OH, BOY!

283. AHEM.

284. I'M SORRY.

285. WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR.

286. WE THE JURY FIND IN FAVOR OF...

287. THE DEFENSE.

288. THE PROSECUTION.

289. WAIT.

290. I WON?

291. I WON!

292. NO, YOU DIDN'T.

293. I DID.

294. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DID?

295. I WAS THE LAWYER IN THIS CASE.

296. YEAH, BUT THEY HATED YOU.

297. I KNOW.

298. I WAS BACK THERE.

299. WAIT A MINUTE.

300. WAIT A MINUTE.

301. WAIT A MINUTE.

302. DO I KNOW YOU?

303. JUDGE, YOU MADE ME SIT ON THE JURY, REMEMBER?

304. NO, NO, NO.

305. NOT YOU.

306. THAT OTHER GUY.

307. AND YOU.

308. AND YOU.

309. WAIT, I'VE SEEN THIS JURY BEFORE.

310. WAIT!

311. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

312. HARVEY, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR LAST 37 CASES DON'T COUNT.

313. THEY NEED TO BE RETRIED BEFORE NEW JURIES.

314. I DECLARE A DO-OVER.

315. 38 CASES?

316. OH!

317. MY ENTIRE CAREER AS A LAWYER!

318. MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE FOR THE PAST 6 YEARS UNDONE!

319. YEAH, PRETTY MUCH.

320. BWEEOO.

321. OY.

322. OY.

323. [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

324. —www.ncicap.org—] ♪ HARVEY BIRDMAN

325. IS OVER ♪ OPEN IT!