Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law 4x5

Directed by Richard Ferguson-Hull

X attempts to take charge of his life and transform into his best evil self, hiring Perfectionist the Life Coach to help him to become more evil in just 4 easy steps. Meanwhile, Devlin blazes in on his hog, forcing Harvey to defend him (again). This time, a kid sues him for being injured from one of Devlin's toys.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. MAYBE I'LL JUST LIE DOWN AND

2. CLOSE MY EYES FOR 5 MINUTES.

3. OH, BE MY GUEST.

4. TARGET SIGHTED?

5. PREPARE TO DROP...

6. IN 3, TWO, ONE.

7. RELEASE IT!

8. HUH?

9. CLEARLY THE NAP IS OVER.

10. NEVER TOUCH MY HOG.

11. THAT'S ALL I GOT!

12. THIS HOG AND THAT ONE.

13. THAT ONE?

14. I BELIEVE HE'S REFERRING TO...

15. YEAH, THE OLD SECOND HOG!

16. MMM!

17. HOG.

18. YOU, SHUT IT!

19. ONLY BONE IN MY BODY I AIN'T BROKEN YET.

20. HA HA HA HA.

21. WHAT CAN I, UH...

22. DO FOR YOU?

23. WHAT?

24. HE CAN'T HEAR YOU.

25. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT.

26. UM, I DON'T KNOW.

27. JUST A GUESS REALLY.

28. SOME KID'S SUING ME.

29. CUT HIS FINGER ON ONE OF MY TOYS OR CHOKED.

30. I CAN'T REMEMBER.

31. KIDS!

32. FIRST SIGN OF BLOODY MUCUS AND, "MOMMY, CALL THE AMBULANCE!"

33. MOMMY!

34. HA HA HA HA.

35. THEY'RE CLAIMING THE TOY WAS

36. DEFECTIVE.

37. IT WOULDN'T BE THIS ONE, WOULD IT.

38. IT SAYS HE CHOKED ON IT.

39. ASS BUTTER!

40. THAT TOY'S AS TIGHT AS MY OLD LADY'S PANTY BUNCH.

41. UM...

42. AND HE CLAIMS YOU GAVE IT TO HIM.

43. THEY HAVE AN OPEN-AND-SHUT CASE.

44. WHAT?

45. HE'LL TAKE THE CASE!

46. DAMN RIGHT HE DAMN WILL, DAMN IT.

47. WOULD HAVE STOOK THE LAST UNBROKEN BONE IN MY—

48. GRENADE!

49. BROKE IT.

50. DAMN MAILMAN.

51. WHERE IS HE?

52. OH.

53. I GOTTA CARRY THIS HEAVY BAG ALL DAY LONG.

54. OH.

55. JUNK, JUNK, JUNK.

56. KNOWLEDGE CENTER?

57. HMM YOU'VE IDENTIFIED YOUR ENEMY—

58. BIRDMAN.

59. YOU SEE THE GOAL— ELIMINATING BIRDMAN.

60. NOW, GET THAT FINAL PUSH TOWARDS MAXIMUM EVIL WITH OUR ACCREDITED

61. LIFE COACH WHO DRAWS ON MORE THAN 20 YEARS OF NEFARIOUS

62. EXPERIENCE TO YOU HOW TO AWAKEN THE EVIL WITHIN?

63. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

64. HI.

65. I'VE CHANGED MY MENU OPTIONS, SO PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY.

66. FOR LANDSCAPING, PRESS ONE.

67. DOG-WALKING, PRESS TWO.

68. NUDE HOUSECLEANING, PRESS ANY KEY...

69. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

70. IF YOU NEED AN EVIL LIFE COACH, PRESS 4.

71. HI!

72. UH, HA HA.

73. WELL, I SAW YOUR AD, AND UH...

74. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS.

75. PLEASE HELP ME!

76. I'M NOT EVIL ENOUGH!

77. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!

78. MAKE ME EVIL!

79. UM...

80. MAN.

81. I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

82. NEIGHBORS HAD SOME HEDGE WORK.

83. SO, YOU NEED A LIFE COACH?

84. IT WILL TAKE EFFORT.

85. I'M STRONG.

86. AND MONEY.

87. IT'S A 14-STEP PROGRAM.

88. IF IT MEANS CHANGING THE OLD LIFE AROUND FOR THE EVILER,

89. HA HA, I'LL SPEND WHATEVER IT TAK—

90. WOW!

91. THAT IS NOT ECONOMICAL.

92. YOU GOT ANYTHING WITH SAY, I DON'T KNOW, 3 STEPS?

93. TWO MAYBE?

94. ERNIE!

95. YOU GOT A TIME-RELEASE DOWNER ON YOUR—

96. LITTLE BOBBY?

97. AW!

98. IT'S BOBBY, THE KID WHO ALREADY SUED YOU

99. ONCE AND WON!

100. GOT THE CROTCH ITCH AND CAN'T SCRATCH NOTHING.

101. YOUR OUTFIT.

102. WHAT ABOUT IT?

103. NOTHING...

104. IF YOUR NAME WAS X THE YAM SACK.

105. LOOK, I MEAN THE BUNCHING HERE, THE CUFFS.

106. IT'S THAT BAD, EH?

107. I CAN SEE YOUR NIPPLES.

108. YOU KNOW WHAT?

109. NOW THAT WE'RE ON THE TOPIC, I'VE BEEN KIND OF MEANING TO ASK

110. YOU.

111. PERFECTI?

112. OH.

113. BELIEVE ME, LOTS OF EMOTIONAL HOUSECLEANING CAME TO TERMS WITH

114. JUST THAT.

115. FOOL!

116. I SHOULD DESTROY YOU!

117. BUT I SHALL LET YOU LIVE IF ONLY THAT YOU MAY TELL YOUR

118. CHILDREN OF THIS DAY— THE DAY THAT A PERFECTLY

119. EXECUTED PLAN LED TO THE PERFECT CRIME.

120. REMEMBER MY NAME!

121. PERFECTI?

122. PERFECTIONIST!

123. PERFECTIONIST!

124. IT CONTINUES ON THE BACK!

125. SINCE MY CLIENT IS UNABLE TO SPEAK, WE'VE ARRANGED FOR A

126. DEVICE TO ALLOW HIM TO TESTIFY.

127. TELL US, BOBBY, OF THE DREADFUL DAY YOU PURCHASED THE DEVLIN

128. TOY.

129. KID SAYS HE BOUGHT IT AT A FLEA MARKET.

130. CAN I SEE THAT ONE?

131. NO, THE MOTORCYCLE!

132. ONCE YOU GOT THE TOY HOME...

133. HEY, BUD, WATCH THE BALL SACK.

134. I DON'T SWING THAT WAY, SHIRLEY.

135. BUT THAT IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY.

136. AND...

137. BE EVIL.

138. WELL, I CAN'T JUST BE EVIL.

139. I MEAN, IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

140. I NEED MOTIVATION.

141. WAIT HERE.

142. AND, GO.

143. OWIE!

144. YOU HAVE AWAKENED MY WRATH, YOUNGSTER!

145. MORE SHRILL!

146. ONE DAY VERY SOON, YOU WILL REGRET HAVING CROSSED

147. SWORDS WITH X THE ELIMINATOR!

148. UH, PARDON ME.

149. IS THIS YOUR KID?

150. WHAT?

151. OH, NO!

152. NO, WE'RE JUST PRACTICING SOME EVIL PATTER.

153. YEAH.

154. JUST PRACTICING— KIND OF LIKE A LITTLE GAME.

155. OH.

156. BONE'S HEALED.

157. TANGY, MOUNT HER UP!

158. OOF!

159. THE JURY HATES US!

160. PEOPLE ARE GLARING.

161. YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING.

162. HOT MEAT SPREAD.

163. BRING IT.

164. AND NOW, TOMMY, JUST FOR YOU, I'M GONNA RAM MY TATER CLEAN

165. THROUGH THAT JURY BOX!

166. WE'RE GONNA NEED TO CREATE A

167. STORY FOR YOU.

168. YOU MEAN LIKE AN ORIGIN STORY?

169. YES!

170. I ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THOSE.

171. YES, RIGHT.

172. THERE WAS A LAB EXPERIMENT THAT WENT HORRIBLY AWRY.

173. NOW, A BIRD—DON'T INTERRUPT ME.

174. AND THIS IS WHY YOU HATE BIRDMAN...

175. BIRD FLEW IN THROUGH WINDOW AND KNOCKED A VIAL OUT OF YOUR

176. HANDS INTO A TANK, AND— WHA-PAMMO!

177. YOUR LIPS WERE BLOWN OFF.

178. BUT THEY WEREN'T.

179. I MEAN, WON'T PEOPLE KNOW THAT I'M LYING?

180. YOU'RE WEARING A MASK.

181. OH, OK, RIGHT, YEAH.

182. WELL, I'LL HAVE TO PRACTICE TALKING WITHOUT MY LIPS,

183. WON'T I?

184. HA HA.

185. I AB AX THE ELIBIBABADATOR.

186. DARN, THAT'S REALLY HARD.

187. CAN—WHAT—CAN I JUST SAY I LOST MY EYEBROWS?

188. MR. FREEZOID, YOUR WITNESS.

189. AAGH!

190. DO YOU RECOGNIZE THIS?

191. IT'S MY ACTION FIGURE.

192. CYCLE TRACK AND KEROSENE SOLD SEPARATELY.

193. CAN YOU READ THIS FOR US?

194. "SMALL PARTS.

195. NOT TO BE SOLD TO CHILDREN— AND SOME ADULTS."

196. I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

197. IT DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE MY HANDWRITING.

198. NOTHING FURTHER.

199. YOUR HONOR, WE'D LIKE TO PLEAD GUILTY

200. AND THROW OURSELVES ON THE MERCY OF THE—

201. I GOT IT!

202. A BENEFIT JUMP!

203. COME AGAIN.

204. I'LL DO A CHARITY JUMP.

205. AND ALL THE MONEY— AFTER COSTS—GOES TO THE KID.

206. TELL ME, IS THERE AN EXCELLENT CHANCE

207. THAT YOU WON'T BE WALKING AWAY FROM THIS ONE?

208. IT'S ME, AIN'T IT?

209. OOH!

210. TOMORROW IT IS!

211. AH HA HA!

212. WHAT'S THE STUNT?

213. THE SCUNGY RIVER.

214. I'M GONNA JUMP YOU, YOU BITCH!

215. YOU ALREADY TRIED THAT ONE...

216. UNSUCCESSFULLY!

217. I'M GONNA DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.

218. AND I'M GONNA KEEP DOING IT TILL THESE LEGS WON'T LET ME MOUNT

219. NOTHING OR NOBODY NO MORE.

220. OH, NO!

221. STEP THE FINAL.

222. YOU WRITE LETTERS TO YOUR ENEMIES AND APOLOGIZE TO THEM.

223. THEN YOU PROMISE THEM YOU'LL BE TWICE AS HATEFUL TO THEM IN THE

224. FUTURE AS YOU WERE IN THE PAST.

225. READY?

226. I...

227. I AM.

228. "DEAR BIRDMAN...

229. DEAR BIRDGIRL...

230. DEAR ZARDO..."

231. TODAY IS ALL MINE!

232. OWN IT OUTRIGHT!

233. FROM ME ♪ YES, THAT'S GOOD!

234. NOW, THIS FEELING YOU'VE GOT RIGHT NOW,

235. HOLD ONTO IT.

236. WAIT.

237. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

238. DOG-WALKING GIG.

239. I'M NOT EXCLUSIVE TO YOU.

240. YOU, HALT!

241. I HAVE LETTERS TO POST.

242. FAST LIKE!

243. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

244. SURE.

245. PERFECT!

246. DARLING, A LITTLE LESS TRILL!

247. BRING IT DOWN A BIT.

248. WAIT!

249. ISN'T THIS JUDY'S OFFICE?

250. OH, NEVER MIND.

251. YOU—THE OBJECT OF MY HATRED— STAND AND PREPARE TO MEET THY

252. FATE!

253. DID YOU GET MY LETTER?

254. I WAS JUST READING IT.

255. SO?

256. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!

257. STUNNING, EVEN.

258. AND IS IT EVIL?

259. SURE, I GUESS.

260. YOU'VE BARED YOUR SOUL.

261. YOU'VE OWNED UP TO PAST MISTAKES—AND THAT'S JUST ON

262. PAGE ONE!

263. AND WHAT ABOUT THIS PART WHERE I, AND ONLY I, GET TO

264. DECIDE WHO HEARS MY WRETCHED STORY?

265. LOVED IT!

266. OH, THANK YOU!

267. SO, YOU THINK IT WILL HELP ME REACH MY GOAL?

268. WHAT GOAL?

269. ELIMINATING BIRDMAN, OF COURSE.

270. AW, I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.

271. WAIT?

272. ELIMINATING BIRDMAN?

273. THAT'S THE THINKING.

274. YOU MUST BE STOPPED!

275. BOY, JUDY HAS A NIFTY LASER

276. CONSOLE, DOESN'T SHE?

277. 3 STUN SETTING.

278. AND, BOY, THAT SWIVELING SEAT IS A NICE IDEA!

279. BIRD-RAY IS GO!

280. HEY, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

281. OH.

282. OK, UNDERSTOOD.

283. WHORES ARE FOR HEROES!

284. THAT'S NOT A MOTORCYCLE!

285. IT'S A ROCKET.

286. GYP.

287. WHAT DID HE SAY?

288. SO, WHAT DID YOU THINK?

289. OF WHAT?

290. THE LETTER!

291. HARVEY BIRDMAN?

292. TYPICAL.

293. HE'S OK!

294. THE PARACHUTE DEPLOYED.

295. OH!

296. WELL, EVERYBODY, BETWEEN TICKET SALES AND ERNIE'S

297. INSURANCE SETTLEMENT, BOBBY'S HOSPITAL BILLS ARE ALL TAKEN

298. CARE OF.

299. AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA HAVE A ROOMMATE.

300. OOH!

301. WHAT?

302. A FOLLOW-UP 5-STEP PROGRAM?

303. QUACK!

304. I WAS HAPPIER BEING UNHAPPY.

305. [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

306. TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

307. CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—]