1. I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD!Copy !req
2. WE HAVE A CASE!Copy !req
3. A CASE!Copy !req
4. BUT IT'S...Copy !req
5. 4:30 IN THE MORNING!Copy !req
6. CAN'T IT WAIT?Copy !req
7. I GUESS.Copy !req
8. MAYBE A COUPLE HOURS.Copy !req
9. GOOD, BECAUSE I REALLY
NEED MY SLEE—Copy !req
10. ALL RIGHT, FELLAS.Copy !req
11. LET'S TAKE IT OUT TO THE
BREAKFAST NOOK.Copy !req
12. THESE WOULD BE THE CLIENTS.Copy !req
13. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MR.
BERGMAN.Copy !req
14. "HOW TO PLEASE A...Copy !req
15. MAN..."Copy !req
16. UH, I'M FAMISHED!Copy !req
17. WHO WANTS GRUB?Copy !req
18. WHO IS THE MAN IN THE SUIT?Copy !req
19. WHO IS THE CAT WITH THE BEAK?Copy !req
20. FOR 20 YEARS, RACE AND DR.
QUEST...Copy !req
21. HAM IN YOURS, HARVEY?Copy !req
22. NO CREAM.Copy !req
23. JUST BLACK.Copy !req
24. NOT A PROBLEM!Copy !req
25. HAVE WORKED TOGETHER,
BEEN ROOMMATES...Copy !req
26. AND RAISED TWO BOYS TOGETHER.Copy !req
27. TWO BOYS?Copy !req
28. I THOUGHT WE HAD JUST THE ONE.Copy !req
29. YOU KNOW, GOES BY THE NAME OF...Copy !req
30. WAIT. DON'T TELL ME.Copy !req
31. ANYWAY, MAINE, WHERE QUEST
LABS IS INCORPORATED, HAS JUSTCopy !req
32. LEGALIZED, UH, UNIQUE
PARTNERSHIPS SUCH AS THEIRS.Copy !req
33. WE'RE AN S-CORP.Copy !req
34. ORDER UP!Copy !req
35. BUT, FOR THE STATE TO
RECOGNIZE RACE AS THE BOYS'Copy !req
36. FATHER SHOULD, HEAVEN FORBID,
ANYTHING HAPPEN TO DR. QUESTCopy !req
37. OR ALLOW RACE TO BE
COVERED UNDER THE DOCTOR'SCopy !req
38. INSURANCE...Copy !req
39. THEY NEED TO GET MARRIED!Copy !req
40. JUST AS A MATTER OF
CONVENIENCE, MR.Copy !req
41. BERGDORF.Copy !req
42. WITH BENEFITS!Copy !req
43. BUT AREN'T YOU ALSO SAYING
THAT YOU AND MR. BANNON ARE...Copy !req
44. HOW TO PUT THIS—
A COUPLE?Copy !req
45. OF COURSE WE'RE A COUPLE!Copy !req
46. A COUPLE...Copy !req
47. OF GUYS!Copy !req
48. HA HA HA!Copy !req
49. I'M NOT SURE I SEE THE
PROBLEM.Copy !req
50. PEOPLE ARE CALLING FOR A
CONSTITUTIONAL BAN ON THESECopy !req
51. PARTNERSHIPS.Copy !req
52. WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING NOW!Copy !req
53. TO THE BIRDLAIR!Copy !req
54. BIRDLAIR?Copy !req
55. WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CAR?Copy !req
56. NOW IT'S THE BIRDMOBILE!Copy !req
57. GET IN!Copy !req
58. I'VE TOLD YOU, THAT'S RECIRC.Copy !req
59. IS THERE A GAS STATION
NEARBY?Copy !req
60. NOPE.Copy !req
61. BIRDMAN, HAVE YOU—OH.Copy !req
62. HELLO, BIRDGIRL.Copy !req
63. HI, DADDY.Copy !req
64. I MEAN, MR. SEBBEN.Copy !req
65. WHAT'S THE
POINT OF BEING YOUR BOSS' BOSSCopy !req
66. IF I CAN'T FORCE YOU TO GO OUT
WITH ME?Copy !req
67. OH, NO!Copy !req
68. HE'S GOING TO ASK ME OUT AGAIN!Copy !req
69. IF I CONTINUE TO SPURN HIS
ADVANCES, HE MAY GUESS AT MYCopy !req
70. SECRET IDENTITY, AND
ACCORDING TO MY SUPERHEROCopy !req
71. SIDEKICK HANDBOOK...Copy !req
72. A SECRET IDENTITY MUST BE
MAINTAINED AT ALL COSTS,Copy !req
73. WHICH PUTS ME IN A PREDICAMENT,
BECAUSE IRONY OF IRONIES, I AMCopy !req
74. HIS DAUGHTER!Copy !req
75. YOU THINKING WHAT I'M
THINKING?Copy !req
76. OH, I HAVE A PRETTY
GOOD IDEA OF WHAT SHE'S THINKINGCopy !req
77. RIGHT HERE.Copy !req
78. A MOVIE!Copy !req
79. SOUNDS GREAT.Copy !req
80. LET'S GO!Copy !req
81. DID YOU SEE THAT?Copy !req
82. IT LEAPT RIGHT OUT AT US!Copy !req
83. YOU KNOW, I USED TO TAKE MY
DAUGHTER TO MOVIES LIKE THIS ANDCopy !req
84. WHEN SHE GOT SCARED, I'D PUT MY
ARM AROUND HER, LIKE THIS.Copy !req
85. I NEED SOME POPCORN!Copy !req
86. DON'T FORGET THE LICORICE
WHIPS!Copy !req
87. HA HA HA.Copy !req
88. WHI—ACTUALLY, MAKE THAT
RAISINETTES.Copy !req
89. THAT I AM ALL WISE AND ALL
POWERFUL BECAUSE I'M MENTOKCopy !req
90. THE MIND—I DON'T NEED TO GO
INTO IT.Copy !req
91. WE BOTH KNOW THE DRILL.Copy !req
92. BUT LISTEN, TECHNICALLY,
LEGALLY, THERE ARE PEOPLE MORECopy !req
93. POWERFUL THAN ME.Copy !req
94. OH, SURE, THEY CAN'T DO THIS:
BUT THEY CAN RULE ON YOUR CASECopy !req
95. WHEREAS I, I CANNOT.Copy !req
96. IT'S A CONSTITUTIONAL ISSUE,
IT'S NOT A...Copy !req
97. ISSUE AT ALL.Copy !req
98. HEY, LOOK!Copy !req
99. HE'S DOING A FLIP!Copy !req
100. SO I HAVE TO TAKE THE CASE?Copy !req
101. TO A HIGHER COURT!Copy !req
102. WHOOPS!Copy !req
103. HIGHEST COURT, HIGHEST COURT.Copy !req
104. THIS IS EVERY LAWYER'S DREAM!Copy !req
105. THE BIG LEAGUES!Copy !req
106. OH, GOD.Copy !req
107. BIRDMAN'S DROWNIN'!Copy !req
108. BIRDMAN'S DROWNIN'!Copy !req
109. ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO I DO?Copy !req
110. WHAT DO I DO?Copy !req
111. UH!Copy !req
112. WHAT ARE YOU—
ONE ONE THOUSAND,Copy !req
113. TWO ONE THOUSAND.Copy !req
114. OOF. OOF.Copy !req
115. I WAS NOT DROWNING!Copy !req
116. HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING
UP?Copy !req
117. LOOK, I WAS JUST TRYING TO
COLLECT MYSELF.Copy !req
118. UH-HUH.Copy !req
119. SEE, I HAVE THIS CASE, AND IT
HAS TO GO TO...Copy !req
120. THE HIGHEST COURT.Copy !req
121. SHH, SHH.Copy !req
122. BIRDMAN.Copy !req
123. SHH—
SHH-ENTCHA.Copy !req
124. SHH.Copy !req
125. BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOING!Copy !req
126. NONSENSE.Copy !req
127. LOOK AT ME.Copy !req
128. LOOK AT ME.Copy !req
129. NOW LISTEN VERY CLOSELY TO
WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU.Copy !req
130. OH, OK.Copy !req
131. PROMISE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO
LISTEN TO THESE WORDS WITH ALLCopy !req
132. YOUR HEART.Copy !req
133. OK.Copy !req
134. DO YOU HAVE, INSIDE YOU,
HERE...Copy !req
135. YES?Copy !req
136. DEEP, DEEP INSIDE YOU, DO YOU
HAVE THE ONE TRUE THING THATCopy !req
137. YOU NEED IN LIFE THAT WILL
GUIDE YOU THROUGH IT ALL—Copy !req
138. YES?Copy !req
139. DO YOU HAVE THAT ONE THING...Copy !req
140. WHAT THING?Copy !req
141. TELL ME.Copy !req
142. WHAT IS IT?Copy !req
143. IT IS THAT THING THAT I SENT
TO YOU?Copy !req
144. YOU'RE OUT OF TALC!Copy !req
145. THAT HELD A REFERENDUM,
THE MAJORITY VOTEDCopy !req
146. FOR A CONSTITUTIONAL BAN
ON SAME SEX UNIONS.Copy !req
147. UM... UH...Copy !req
148. "YOUR HONORS, IF THE MAJORITY
ALWAYS DICTATED THE LAW, WE'D BECopy !req
149. IN A DANGEROUS PLACE.Copy !req
150. KAPOW.Copy !req
151. IF NOT FOR THE COURTS, AFRICAN
AMERICANS WOULDN'T HAVE THECopy !req
152. RIGHT TO VOTE.Copy !req
153. WHAM!Copy !req
154. WOMEN WOULD NOT HAVE THE RIGHT
TO VOTE.Copy !req
155. BAM!Copy !req
156. THANK YOU, MA'AM."Copy !req
157. JUSTICE LEAGUE!Copy !req
158. JUSTICE LEAGUE, WE NEED YOUR
HELP!Copy !req
159. I'M SORRY.Copy !req
160. THIS IS THE JUSTICES LEAGUE.Copy !req
161. AAH! GIANT WHITE APE!Copy !req
162. MORON.Copy !req
163. WELL, I HAVE TO SAY I THINK
I DID PRETTY WELL UP THERECopy !req
164. TODAY.Copy !req
165. A LITTLE NERVOUS MAYBE...Copy !req
166. BIRDGIRL, WHAT DO YOU SAY?Copy !req
167. WILL YOU GO ON ANOTHER DATE WITH
ME?Copy !req
168. SAY YES!Copy !req
169. SAY YES!Copy !req
170. WHY DON'T YOU TAKE HIM OUT
ON A DATE?Copy !req
171. I CAN'T SAY NO WITH ALL THOSE
PEOPLE WATCHING.Copy !req
172. THEY'D GROW SUSPICIOUS, DISCOVER
MY SECRET!Copy !req
173. OK! I'LL...Copy !req
174. GO OUT WITH YOU AGAIN.Copy !req
175. GREAT!Copy !req
176. HOW ABOUT ANOTHER DATE THAT
REQUIRES THE USE OF TWO WORKINGCopy !req
177. EYES?Copy !req
178. BIRDCALL!Copy !req
179. THERE!Copy !req
180. I DON'T SEE ANYTHI—
NOT THERE!Copy !req
181. THERE!Copy !req
182. NOPE.Copy !req
183. RIGHT THERE!Copy !req
184. A PAIR OF NORTHERN SPOTTED
GROUSEACOCKATEILAKEETS!Copy !req
185. YOU KNOW, THEY MATE FOR LIFE.Copy !req
186. WHAT?Copy !req
187. OH, I KNOW!Copy !req
188. OLD-FASHIONED GIRL.Copy !req
189. NOT SURE OF MY INTENTIONS.Copy !req
190. I ASSURE YOU...Copy !req
191. THEY'RE HONORABLE.Copy !req
192. GREAT!Copy !req
193. FROM YOUR REACTION, IT'S
ALMOST LIKE I'VE GIVEN IT TOCopy !req
194. SOMEBODY WHO'S VERY CLOSELY
RELATED TO ME, LIKE A NIECECopy !req
195. OR SOMETHING.Copy !req
196. OR A DAUGHTER!Copy !req
197. NOW THAT'S JUST SICK.Copy !req
198. GOD, THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.Copy !req
199. TOOK A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT AND
TURNED IT INTO JUST PORNO.Copy !req
200. I LOVE IT.Copy !req
201. IT'S GREAT.Copy !req
202. MEANWHILE, AT THE HALL OF
JUSTICES...Copy !req
203. YOUR HONORS, IF I MAY.Copy !req
204. WHO ARE YOU?Copy !req
205. JUST A NORMAL CITIZEN ABOUT
TO ENTER INTO THE INSTITUTION OFCopy !req
206. MARRIAGE.Copy !req
207. AND I, FOR ONE, DON'T WANT
NATURAL, NORMAL MARRIAGES LIKECopy !req
208. THE ONE I'M ABOUT TO ENJOY WITH
THIS WOMAN HERE—TOTALLYCopy !req
209. NATURAL AND RIGHT IN THE EYES OF
BOTH THE LAWS OF NATURE AND OFCopy !req
210. MEN—TO BE DENIGRATED BY THIS
BASE AND ABJECT PERVERSION!Copy !req
211. JUNIOR LEAGUE!Copy !req
212. JUNIOR LEAGUE!Copy !req
213. WE NEED YOUR HELP WITH A POTLUCK
DINNER!Copy !req
214. MORON.Copy !req
215. I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO
CONVINCE DADDY NOT TO MARRY ME.Copy !req
216. BUT HOW?Copy !req
217. I KNOW!Copy !req
218. IF MEN CAN MARRY MEN AND
WOMEN MARRY WOMEN, WHERE WILL ITCopy !req
219. STOP?Copy !req
220. DADDY?Copy !req
221. JUDY, DAUGHTER,
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGESCopy !req
222. THAT I KNOW ABOUT.Copy !req
223. WHAT'S UP?Copy !req
224. THIS GIRL YOU'RE GOING TO
MARRY, THERE'SCopy !req
225. SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.Copy !req
226. YOU'RE JEALOUS, AREN'T YOU?Copy !req
227. THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT!Copy !req
228. YOU DON'T WANT TO COMPETE WITH
SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE WHO'SCopy !req
229. TOTALLY SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOU
IN EVERY WAY, AN ENTITY THAT ISCopy !req
230. OTHER THAN YOURSELF, WHO IS NOT
YOU, BUT SOMEONE ELSE, NOTCopy !req
231. SHARING MY BLOODLINE FOR MY
AFFECTION!Copy !req
232. SIGH.Copy !req
233. ALL RIGHT, DADDY, I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE TO SAY THIS.Copy !req
234. BUT BIRDGIRL'S NOT INTERESTED IN
YOU.Copy !req
235. SHE'S INTERESTED IN BIRDMAN.Copy !req
236. WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW?Copy !req
237. WHO TOLD YOU?Copy !req
238. WHO TOLD ME?Copy !req
239. WHO TOLD ME?Copy !req
240. YEAH.Copy !req
241. THAT'S SOMETHING YOU COULDN'T
HAVE KNOWN YOURSELF BECAUSECopy !req
242. YOU'RE NOT BIRDGIRL.Copy !req
243. SO WHO TOLD YOU?Copy !req
244. BUT I AM BIRDGIRL!Copy !req
245. UM... BIRDMAN?Copy !req
246. HIYA, PHIL!Copy !req
247. HIT, UPPERCUT, UPPERCUT.Copy !req
248. JAB, JAB.Copy !req
249. WAS HE DROWNING AGAIN?Copy !req
250. IN CONCLUSION, WHEREVER THESE
UNIONS ARE LEGAL, NORMALCopy !req
251. MARRIAGES AREN'T THREATENED.Copy !req
252. AND—Copy !req
253. JUSTICES LEAGUE!Copy !req
254. JUSTICES LEAGUE!Copy !req
255. SOMEONE HAS MADE AN APPEAL TO
THE DOCTRINE OF PRECEDENT INCopy !req
256. FAVOR OF—AHH!Copy !req
257. GIANT APE!Copy !req
258. WE'RE ON OUR WAY!Copy !req
259. BUT WAIT.Copy !req
260. ABOUT MY CASE.Copy !req
261. AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO SAY
SO, IT'S NOT A CONSTITUTIONALCopy !req
262. ISSUE.Copy !req
263. I WON, I THINK.Copy !req
264. TWO SHOULD NOT ENTER INTO THIS
UNION, SPEAK NOW.Copy !req
265. OK, JUST A SECOND.Copy !req
266. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES THAT
SHE'S HIS...Copy !req
267. UH, I'M—I'M GOOD!Copy !req
268. I—I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!Copy !req
269. NO! DON'T!Copy !req
270. IF BIRDMAN TELLS THEM WHY I
CAN'T MARRY DADDY, HE'LL EXPOSECopy !req
271. MY SECRET IDENTITY!Copy !req
272. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!Copy !req
273. HE'S JUST JEALOUS!Copy !req
274. HE WANTS TO MARRY MY DAUGHTER!Copy !req
275. WAIT.Copy !req
276. I'M SORRY!Copy !req
277. FREUDIAN SLIP.Copy !req
278. HE JUST WANTS TO MARRY MY
FIANCEE!Copy !req
279. PHIL, BIRDGIRL IS YOUR
DAUGHTER!Copy !req
280. OH, GOD.Copy !req
281. OH, GOD.Copy !req
282. I'M SO DISGUSTED!Copy !req
283. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!Copy !req
284. THAT I'M YOUR DAUGHTER?Copy !req
285. NO. THAT BIRDMAN WOULD LIE
LIKE THAT OUT OF JEALOUSY!Copy !req
286. LET'S PICK IT BACK UP, PADRE.Copy !req
287. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU—
I CAN'T DO IT!Copy !req
288. I'M, UH, I'M INTO GIRLS?Copy !req
289. SO AM I!Copy !req
290. HAVE BEEN ALL MY LIFE!Copy !req
291. WE'LL HAVE A GAY MARRIAGE!Copy !req
292. TELL YA WHAT, I'LL BE THE GUY IN
THE RELATIONSHIP.Copy !req
293. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU...Copy !req
294. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING,
RACE, OR THAT MAN THERE—ICopy !req
295. FORGET HIS NAME—IS GOING TO
MARRY HIS DAUGHTER.Copy !req
296. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU—
YOU CAN'T RUIN WHAT'S RIGHT,Copy !req
297. YOU SODOMITE!Copy !req
298. HOLD ON.Copy !req
299. I'M SORRY.Copy !req
300. THERE'S SOMEONE,
SOMEONE ELSE I MAY HAVE BEENCopy !req
301. MEANT TO BE WITH...Copy !req
302. PHEW!Copy !req
303. WAIT.Copy !req
304. AUNT PHYLLIS?Copy !req
305. [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTECopy !req
306. —www.ncicap.org—]Copy !req