Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law 3x5

Directed by Richard Ferguson-Hull

Turner Classic Movies’ Robert Osborne introduces a “recently discovered” episode of the “classic” Birdman series. In this episode, a pre-law Harvey encounters a few of his future courtroom adversaries who try to kill him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. HI. I'M ROBERT OSBORNE.

2. YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF THE ANIMATED SHOW "HARVEY BIRDMAN,

3. ATTORNEY AT LAW."

4. IN FACT, IF YOU'RE PERSISTENT, YOU CAN SOMETIMES STILL CATCH IT

5. LATE AT NIGHT ON CABLE, BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT BIRDMAN HAD A

6. CAREER BEFORE HE WAS A LAWYER?

7. THAT'S RIGHT.

8. BIRDMAN'S FIRST CAREER CAME NEARLY 40 YEARS EARLIER AS—GET

9. THIS—A SUPERHERO IN A SATURDAY MORNING ANIMATED SERIES CALLED

10. "BIRDMAN AND THE GALAXY TRIO."

11. WELL, TONIGHT WE HAVE A REAL TREAT FOR YOU.

12. WE HAVE A RARELY SEEN SHORT WITH BIRDMAN TANGLING WITH NOT JUST

13. ONE, BUT WITH SEVERAL VILLAINS, ALL OF WHOM LATER MAKE

14. APPEARANCES IN THE SERIES "HARVEY BIRDMAN, ATTORNEY AT

15. LAW."

16. HERE'S 1967's AWARD-WINNING SHORT "BUSY DAY FOR BIRDMAN."

17. BIRDMAN!

18. THEY EVACUATED THE PENTAGON.

19. THERE MUST BE A MADMAN WHO HAS THREATENED TO SHRINK IT TO A

20. VERY SMALL SIZE.

21. ICED CREAMS.

22. ICED CREAMS FOR SALE.

23. QUIESCENTLY FROZEN CONFECTIONS.

24. ALL RIGHT.

25. WHO'S READY FOR SOME SOFT SERVE?

26. I HAVE CHOCOLATE, VANILLA, COFFEE, STRAWBERRY, MAPLE

27. WALNUT, PISTACHIO NUT, BUTTER PECAN, CHOCOLATE CHIP, MINT

28. CHOCOLATE CHIP, MOCHA CHIP, CHERRY VANILLA, MUD BOG, PEANUT

29. BUTTER CUP, CHOCOLATE DECADENCE, BLACK RASPBERRY, FRENCH VANILLA,

30. GERMAN CHOCOLATE, AND PINA COLADA BUT ONLY AVAILABLE IN ONE

31. SIZE—SMALL.

32. BACK OFF.

33. HE SHRUNK THE PENTAGON.

34. I BET THAT GUN DOESN'T DISPATCH ANY KIND OF ICE CREAM AT ALL...

35. OR IF IT DOES, ONLY ONE FLAVOR.

36. BACK UP. FORM A LINE.

37. NO CUTTING.

38. PLEASE HAVE YOUR MONEY READY.

39. I SHALL NOW RETURN THE PENTAGON TO ITS ORIGINAL SIZE.

40. I WANT MINE WITH SPRINKLES.

41. WHICH LOOKS BETTER TO YOU— THIS OR THIS?

42. THIS OR THIS?

43. I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE.

44. I'M ALL MIXED UP.

45. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT?

46. WHAT I DESIRE IS POWER, JUST A TINY BIT OF IT, THOUGH, NOT A

47. LOT, BUT I MUST HAVE BIRDMAN OUT OF THE WAY.

48. YOU WILL SEND HIM TO ME.

49. BIRDMAN, WE NEED YOUR HELP.

50. REDUCTO THREATENS THE ENTIRE POPULACE AND DEMANDS TO SEE YOU.

51. I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GO TO HIM.

52. ACTUALLY, BEFORE YOU GO THERE, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU

53. COULD SWING BY HERE FIRST.

54. WHY? WHAT IS IT?

55. WELL, I CAN'T MOVE MY RIGHT ARM.

56. OH, GOD. OHH! UGH!

57. GAH... OOH... G-GOD.

58. NOPE. COULD BE LOCKJAW.

59. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, FALCON 7, AFTER I DEAL WITH

60. REDUCTO.

61. WAIT, BIRDMAN.

62. I SAID COME HERE FIRST.

63. COME ON, AVENGER.

64. NO HANDLE OR DOORBELL TO SPEAK OF.

65. THAT LEAVES ME WITH JUST ONE CHOICE.

66. HMM, ALMOST THERE.

67. JUST A FEW MORE SECONDS.

68. SHOULD MELT ANY MINUTE NOW.

69. THAT WAS AN AUTOMATIC DOOR.

70. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STEP IN FRONT OF IT, AND IT WOULD HAVE

71. SLID OPEN.

72. LOOK BEHIND YOU.

73. IF I LOOK, HE MIGHT BLAST ME, BUT THERE COULD REALLY BE

74. SOMETHING BEHIND ME.

75. OH, GOD, THERE'S SOMETHING BEHIND ME, ISN'T THERE?

76. IS THERE? AAH! SHRINKIE DINK.

77. NOW, HOW DID THAT HIT MY SHRINKPACK, AND NOT ME?

78. WHAT'S THIS? ANTS.

79. IT APPEARS THEY CAN ONLY MOVE THEIR ANTENNAE, BUT JUST TO BE

80. SAFE...

81. NOW TO RECHARGE MY POWERS BY

82. GETTING TO THE SUN.

83. OH, NO.

84. YES?

85. BIRDMAN.

86. LITTLE BUSY, FALCON 7.

87. OH.

88. THOUGHT YOU'D BE DONE BY NOW.

89. NOPE, AND NOW I'M TRAPPED IN A SPIDER WEB.

90. STOP DAWDLING, BIRDMAN.

91. A WINGED MADMAN NAMED VULTURO HAS HIDDEN A HYDROGEN BOMB IN

92. THE OBSERVATORY.

93. HERE COMES A SPIDER...

94. WITH ONLY 6 LEGS.

95. SO I SHOULD FINISH UP HERE FIRST AND THEN—

96. LET ME SEE HERE—HYDROGEN BOMB OR GIMP SPIDER?

97. HYDROGEN BOMB OR GIMP— I'D SAY HYDROGEN BOMB.

98. I'M ON MY WAY.

99. THE MIGHTY BIRDMAN.

100. ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHERE YOU'VE HIDDEN THE

101. HYDROGEN BOMB, VULTURO?

102. HA HA HA!

103. DRAT. I SHALL TRY AGAIN.

104. DO HOLD STILL.

105. OH, DEAR.

106. I'VE BEEN STRUCK IN THE PACK.

107. NOW TELL ME WHERE YOU HID THE HYDROGEN BOMB.

108. IT IS HIDDEN IN THE HEAD OF THE RIGHT NEXT TO

109. THE.

110. UH, I'M SORRY.

111. DIDN'T CATCH THAT LAST PART.

112. IT'S IN THE HEAD OF THE

113. NEXT TO THE

114. ONE MORE TIME.

115. NOW BACK TO REDUCTO'S TO ENLARGE MYSELF.

116. MY, BUT THAT TOOK A LONG TIME TO FIX, ALL THOSE TEENSY SCREWS

117. AND TINY GEARS, BUT THANKFULLY, NOTHING CAN HURT IT NOW.

118. I THINK I SHALL JUST HOLD IT UP HERE IN THE AIR SO I CAN ADMIRE

119. IT.

120. OH, GREAT. SURE.

121. FLY AWAY SO I CAN'T SMASH YOU LIKE A WASP.

122. AAH! GIANT EAGLE.

123. WAS I THIS SIZE OF A LITTLE BIGGER?

124. I CAN'T REMEMBER.

125. I BELIEVE YOU WERE WEE.

126. OH, SWEET TEENSY BLISS.

127. GOOD-BYE, LARGE WORLD.

128. I DON'T SEE REDUCTO ANYWHERE.

129. DO YOU?

130. WAIT. THERE HE IS.

131. NO. THAT'S A PIECE OF LICORICE.

132. ALL RIGHT.

133. WELL, NOW TIME FOR SOME WELL-DESERVED R&R.

134. LOWER. LOWER, OLD FRIEND.

135. AHH, THAT'S IT.

136. BIRDMAN, SOME FIEND IS USING A CONTRO-RAY TO TAKE THE MINDS

137. OF WORLD LEADERS.

138. WE'VE TRACED THE SOURCE TO SOMEWHERE IN THESE VOLCANOES.

139. SEE IF YOU CAN PINPOINT WHICH ONE AND PUT AN END TO THIS

140. TREACHERY.

141. I DON'T KNOW, AVENGER.

142. SOMETHING TELLS ME IT MIGHT BE THAT ONE THERE.

143. BIRDMAN, AS I EXPECTED, FOR I AM MENTOK THE MINDTAKER.

144. CAN YOU STEP A COUPLE OF INCHES OVER TO THE LEFT?

145. UH, NO, THE OTHER LEFT.

146. THERE YOU GO. OK.

147. IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND HOLDING STILL...

148. YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

149. THANKS A LOT.

150. JUST STAY RIGHT THERE, BIRDMAN.

151. YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL OF YOUR MIND, AND YOUR WINGS ARE

152. MISSING, TOO.

153. I AM NO LONGER IN CONTROL OF MY MIND, AND MY WINGS ARE

154. MISSING, TOO.

155. UH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPEAT WHAT I'M SAYING.

156. I DON'T HAVE TO REPEAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

157. UH, I MEAN IT. STOP IT.

158. I MEAN IT. STOP IT.

159. YOU MEAN IT. STOP IT.

160. OK. LET'S TRY THIS.

161. YOU ONLY DO IT WHEN I SAY, "MENTOK SAYS," OK?

162. OK. GOOD.

163. OK. GOOD.

164. I DIDN'T SAY, "MENTOK SAYS."

165. YOU DIDN'T SAY— ALL RIGHT.

166. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

167. MENTOK SAYS GO TO THE CAPITAL AND PRESENT MY LIST OF DEMANDS.

168. "LIFETIME SUPPLY OF TAB, MENTOK'S FACE ON THE DOLLAR,

169. DINNER WITH MAMIE VAN DOREN..."

170. BIRDMAN IS UNDER SOME KIND OF SPELL.

171. THAT'S WHY I DON'T HAVE TO FULLY COVER MY MOUTH AS I TALK IN

172. FRONT OF HIM.

173. TELL MENTOK WE CAN DO THAT ALL FOR HIM EXCEPT THE TAB PART.

174. NO TAB. DIET RITE. NO TAB.

175. FOLLOWING BIRD.

176. FOLLOWING PRETTY BIRDIE.

177. HUH? WHAT?

178. WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

179. WHY AM I NOT WEARING ANY UNDERPANTS?

180. THE SUN'S RAY MUST HAVE HELPED ME BREAK MENTOK'S HOLD OVER MY

181. MIND.

182. THANK YOU, OLD FRIEND.

183. NOW TO FINISH A SCORE WITH MENTOK.

184. BREAKER 1-9, BREAKER 1-9.

185. BIG BIRD, DID YOU GET MY DIET SODA, OVER?

186. NO, I DIDN'T, MENTOK.

187. OOPS.

188. SOMEBODY GOT HIS MIND BACK.

189. WELL, DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK, THEN.

190. BUT I AM, TO DESTROY YOUR CONTRA-RAY.

191. HEY, AS OF YET UNSEEN SCIENTIST PERSON, YOU, FIRE THE

192. MISSILE.

193. I NEED MORE POWER, MORE SOLAR POWER.

194. JUST ABOUT ALL CHARGED UP.

195. THAT SHOULD BE THE LAST WE HEAR OF MENTOK.

196. BIRDMAN, A MADMAN HAS STOLEN A SENSITIVE MILITARY TEST

197. ROCKET.

198. BUT, FALCON 7, I'M DECOUPAGING.

199. IF I LEAVE NOW, IT MAY BUBBLE.

200. WE NEED YOU, BIRDMAN.

201. OHH!

202. OH, LOOK. HERE HE COMES.

203. I'LL OPEN THE DOOR FOR HIM.

204. OR HE CAN USE THE CEILING.

205. I WANT ANSWERS, MR. "X."

206. WHY HAVE YOU DESTROYED THE CARGO ROCKET?

207. UM, TO GET YOU HERE?

208. HOLD STILL.

209. WITH MY VICE RAY, I'VE— OK. HOLD ON. LITTLE STUCK HERE.

210. WITH MY VICE—UGH!

211. IT WON'T BUDGE. I GUESS IT— I GUESS IT RUSTED WHILE I WAS

212. SITTING AROUND WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP, MR. TARDY.

213. SAY, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE ANY WD-40.

214. OH. NO, NO. HERE WE GO.

215. WITH MY VICE RAY, I SHALL HOLD YOU POWERLESS WHILST I GRAB THE

216. CREST.

217. GOT TO RUN.

218. THREEPIO, THREEPIO.

219. SHUT DOWN ALL TRASH COMPACTORS ON THE DETENTION LEVEL, WILL

220. YOU?

221. SHUT DOWN ALL TRASH COMPACTORS ON THE DETENTION LEVEL.

222. ANY LONGER, AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT THINNER, OLD FRIEND.

223. HEY, YOU DROPPED THE ROPE.

224. WHAT'S THIS?

225. OOH, I THINK I JUST WET MYSELF.

226. WELL, AT LEAST I CAN AIR-DRY.

227. THE COAST GUARD WILL TAKE CARE OF "X" THE ELIMINATOR.

228. HEY, BIRDMAN! HI!

229. I'M ON A POOP DECK.

230. LITTLE HELP. GLUB!

231. TAKING ON WATER. TAKING IT ON.

232. BIRDMAN, A MADMAN IS CAUSING EARTHQUAKES.

233. OHH!

234. BIRDMAN, A PIRATE IS LOOTING SOME BOOTY.

235. ARGH.

236. A NEANDERTHAL IS LEAVING DOODY.

237. UGG. OOH!

238. A DRAG QUEEN IS SINGING SOME JUDY.

239. A MAD SCIENTIST IS FREEZE— AAH!

240. HA HA HA! ING.

241. THAT'S IT, FALCON 7. I QUIT.

242. QUIT? AND DO WHAT?

243. I DON'T KNOW, A REGULAR JOB LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE HAVE, A DESK

244. JOB WITH NORMAL CLOTHES AND REGULAR WORK, WORK YOU GET PAID

245. FOR.

246. BIRDMAN, GET IN HERE.

247. A MR. PEEBLES IS SUING MR. DIBBLE.

248. SIGH.

249. AND THAT WAS 1944's "DOUBLE INDEMNITY" WITH FRED MacMURRAY

250. AND, OF COURSE, THE GLORIOUS BARBARA STANWYCK.

251. NOW, LATER, FRANK CAPRA WOULD CONFESS IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY

252. THAT HE FELL IN LOVE WITH STANWYCK AND—HAD HE NOT BEEN

253. MORE IN LOVE WITH LUCILLE REYBURN, WHOM HE EVENTUALLY DID

254. MARRY—HE WOULD HAVE ASKED BARBARA STANWYCK TO MARRY HIM

255. AFTER SHE CALLED IT QUITS WITH FRANK FAY AND BEFORE SHE MARRIED

256. ROBERT TAYLOR.

257. WELL, THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT.

258. THANKS FOR WATCHING, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

259. [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

260. —www.ncicap.org—] BIRDMAN!