Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law 3x12

Directed by Richard Ferguson-Hull

Lewis Black as The Deadly Duplicator (voice)

Harvey runs into an old nemesis, The Deadly Duplicator, who unintentionally creates an army of Harveys.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. BIRDMAN, WHERE ARE THE LEGAL PADS?

2. WE'RE DANGEROUSLY LOW...

3. ON LEGAL PADS.

4. AND MAXI-PADS.

5. DOES ANYONE EVER GO IN THE WOMEN'S ROO—

6. YAKKY DOODLE.

7. CHEMICAL CASTRATION.

8. OOH, SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

9. THAT'S MY NEW NAME, REMEMBER?

10. OH, RIGHT.

11. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, LITTLE, UM, CASTRATION?

12. I WANT MY OLD NAME BACK.

13. REVERSE NAME CHANGE. GOT IT.

14. THERE'S A LOT OF PAPERWORK INVOLVED—THIS IN DUPLICATE,

15. THIS IN TRIPLICATE, THIS IN GOOGLEPLEXICATE.

16. HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE ALL THESE COPIES?

17. I'M NOT A COPY MACHINE, BUT I HAVE THIS WHIP...

18. OH, AND THIS BROCHURE.

19. LOOK OUT!

20. OOF!

21. MORNING.

22. CAN I REALLY GET THIS IN AN HOUR?

23. YES, SIR.

24. WE'LL HAVE IT DONE IN TWO HOURS.

25. UH, OK. GREAT. TWO HOURS.

26. COME ON BACK IN 4 HOURS, AND WE'LL HAVE IT ALL READY FOR YOU.

27. OK. GREAT.

28. I'LL SEE YOU THEN, ELIOT.

29. ELLIOTT. ELL-I-OTT.

30. TWO Is, TWO Ts.

31. THEY MADE A MISTAKE ON THE TAG, AND I HAD TO SEND OUT FOR A NEW

32. ONE.

33. WAIT. ISN'T THAT THE SORT OF THING YOU DO RIGHT—

34. SILENCE.

35. ALL RIGHTY.

36. I'LL BE BACK IN 4— 8.

37. 8 HOURS.

38. HARVEY BIRDMAN.

39. HARVEY BIRDMAN.

40. BFFFACH! BFFFACH!

41. JUST THE LATEST IN A LONG SERIES OF DUPLICATION SLIGHTS.

42. FIRST, THERE WAS HIS RIDICULOUS REFUSAL TO ACCEPT THE SECOND SET

43. OF PHOTO PRINTS.

44. WANT TWIN SHOTS?

45. NAH. ONE PRINT IS FINE.

46. UHH!

47. THEN...

48. DO YOU HAVE "DOUBLE INDEMNITY"?

49. THAT GUY HAS GOT IT.

50. THEN HIS DATING OF NOT JUST ONE, BUT BOTH OF THE DOUBLEMINT

51. TWINS.

52. BFFFACH!

53. NOW HIS FINAL CRIME, THE CRIME FOR WHICH I WILL EXACT REVENGE—

54. GETTING MY NAME WRONG.

55. EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S ELLIOT.

56. TWO Is AND TWO Ts.

57. I HAVE TWO OF EVERYTHING, FOR I AM THE DEADLY DUPLICATOR.

58. UM, CAN I GET THESE BOUND?

59. HOW LONG DOES THAT TAKE?

60. TWO HOURS.

61. HUH!

62. UH!

63. WHO IS THE CAT WITH THE BEAK?

64. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO FEEL HIM?

65. WELL, CHEMICAL CASTRATION, SHOULDN'T TAKE TOO LONG.

66. ELIOT...

67. ELLIOTT. TWO Is, TWO Ts.

68. DOWN AT DUPLICATION SERVICES IS ON IT.

69. SEND IN THE NEXT CLIENT.

70. MISTER...

71. CLAMHEAD.

72. AH, MR. CLAMHEAD.

73. HARVEY BIRDMAN.

74. CLAMHEAD, CHEMICAL CASTRATION.

75. CHEMICAL CASTRATION, CLAMHEAD.

76. SO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME.

77. NO. IT'S MY IDENTITY.

78. IT'S BEEN STOLEN.

79. OH. RIGHT.

80. SOMEONE HAS YOUR CREDIT INFORMATION AND BANK NUMBERS

81. AND WHATNOT.

82. NO! MY IDENTITY—MY SHAGGY HAIR, MY BIG NOSE, MY "SILLY

83. COMIC-RELIEF GUY WHO SOLVES MYSTERIES AND HANGS OUT WITH A

84. TALKING SOMETHING THAT HAS NO BUSINESS TALKING" IDENTITY.

85. THAT CAR? IT TALKS.

86. THIS ISN'T GOOD.

87. I'LL TAKE THE CASE... WHILE, OF COURSE, DEVOTING FULL ATTENTION

88. TO YOUR, UM, CASE.

89. AS YOU CAN SEE, MY CLIENT, MR. CLAMHEAD, AND MR. TINKER HERE

90. SHARE THE SAME IDENTITY.

91. BOTH HAVE LONG HAIR.

92. BOTH SOLVE MYSTERIES.

93. BOTH WEAR GARMENTS OF INDETERMINATE, YET UNMISTAKABLY

94. CHEAP, MATERIAL.

95. CAN ANY OF US IMAGINE HOW UNNERVING IT WOULD BE, HOW

96. MADDENING, TO HAVE ANOTHER PERSON WALKING AROUND LOOKING

97. LIKE YOU, ACTING LIKE YOU, DOING THE THINGS YOU DO?

98. OBJECTION.

99. YOUR HONOR, I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO THIS IMPOSTER IS.

100. HOW CAN WE BE SURE THAT YOU AREN'T THE IMPOSTER?

101. BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS HARVEY BIRDMAN ISN'T SMART ENOUGH TO

102. ASK THE QUESTION YOU JUST ASKED.

103. WAIT.

104. WELL, THE REAL HARVEY ISN'T SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT THE

105. REAL HARVEY ISN'T SMART ENOUGH TO ASK THAT QUESTION.

106. WAIT.

107. I CALL A RECESS UNTIL SUCH TIME YON DOS HARVEYS CAN SORT

108. THIS OUT.

109. FINE.

110. I'M GOING BACK TO MY OFFICE.

111. FINE.

112. I'M GOING BACK TO MY OFFICE.

113. MINE!

114. YES?

115. A NEW CLIENT TO SEE YOU...

116. SEND THEM IN.

117. AND STILL NO MOVEMENT IN THE MAXI-PA—

118. MR. BIRDPEOPLES?

119. SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY IDENTITY.

120. UM... HA HA HA!

121. UM...

122. OH.

123. SO YOU TWO'S WORKED THINGS OUT, HAVE YOU?

124. WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR.

125. GLAD TO HEAR IT. PROCEED.

126. I WOULD LIKE TO CALL— I WOULD LIKE TO CALL—

127. LOOK. I THOUGHT WE DECIDED WE'D ALTERNATE.

128. WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT I'D GO FIRST.

129. HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS YOU?

130. WE LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE.

131. MAYBE IF YOU CHANGED TO A DIFFERENT COLORED TIE, WE

132. WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS PROBLEM.

133. I'VE ALWAYS WORN THIS.

134. TELL YOU WHAT.

135. I KNOW WHO THEY WERE GOING TO CALL TO THE STAND ANYWAY VIA MY

136. MIND-TAKERY.

137. SO—AHEM—THEY WOULD LIKE TO CALL NORVELL "SHAGGY" ROGERS.

138. BWEEOO.

139. LIKE, WOW, MAN.

140. LOOK AT THAT GUY.

141. HE'S ME, MAN, TOTALLY ME, AND, LIKE, AND THERE'S ANOTHER ONE,

142. MAN.

143. ZOINKS.

144. NOW THERE'S LIKE A G-G-GLOWING SKULL DUDE OVER THERE.

145. HA HA HA!

146. FINE. YOU GO FIRST.

147. THANK YOU.

148. WAIT. WHAT ABOUT ME?

149. UHH...

150. LOOK OUT!

151. OH, YOU STUPID CHAMOIS, YOU LEAVE STREAKS EVERYWHERE.

152. HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

153. BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT? HA!

154. HEY, HAVE YOU GOT ANY TURTLE WA—

155. AREN'T YOU CRANKY.

156. EVERY TIME I CREATE A DUPLICATE BIRDMAN, HE SIMPLY

157. JOINS FORCES WITH THE ORIGINAL.

158. THEREFORE, I MUST ALSO DUPLICATE SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE WHO WILL

159. MAKE BIRDMAN'S LIFE MISERADOUBLE.

160. HA HA HA!

161. AW, CRAP.

162. LOOK OUT!

163. HARVEYS, 3 RANGER SMITHS HERE TO SEE YOU.

164. I'LL, UH— I'LL BE WITH THEM IN A SECOND.

165. BIRDMAN GET IN HERE.

166. BIRDMAN GET IN HERE.

167. BIRDMAN GET IN HERE.

168. AH, GOOD. BIRDMAN.

169. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

170. YOU CALLED ME HERE.

171. NO, I DIDN'T.

172. WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE, I'M GONNA HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO.

173. STAFF IS GETTING TOO BIG, LOTS OF REDUNDANCIES.

174. BUT, PHIL, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL WHICH IS ME AND WHICH IS

175. A COPY?

176. WE'RE NOT EVEN SURE.

177. OH, DON'T WORRY.

178. GOT A GOOD EYE FOR DETAIL.

179. EXAMPLE—HE SCRATCHED HIS NOSE.

180. IN ALL THE TIME I'VE KNOWN BIRDMAN, I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM DO

181. THAT.

182. YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE, UNLESS, OF COURSE, IT'S IN THIS

183. GENERAL AREA OVER HERE.

184. BLIND SPOT.

185. LOOK OUT!

186. ELIOT.

187. SAY, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BE DONE WITH MY COPIES, WOULD YOU?

188. HIS BOSS DIDN'T MANAGE TO RID THE WORLD OF THE SCOURGE OF

189. BIRDMAN.

190. I MUST MAKE MORE COPIES FOR HIM TO SHOOT, AND THIS TIME, HE WILL

191. ELIMINATE THE REAL BIRDMAN.

192. CHOOSE ANOTHER VERB, BUDDY.

193. OH. SORRY.

194. HE WILL KILL THE REAL BIRDMAN.

195. BETTER.

196. OH, MY.

197. I'VE DROPPED A PIECE OF PAPER.

198. LOOK OUT!

199. OK. NICE AND CLEAN NOW, AND GO.

200. 1, 2...

201. CREST.

202. CRESTS.

203. CRESTS!

204. 4...

205. HELLO?

206. ARE WE DOING NEGATIVES, MAN?

207. OH, MY GOSH.

208. X?

209. LOOK OUT!

210. PEANUT, CAN YOU MAKE A COPY OF—

211. PEANUT?

212. WELL, WE GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO DO IT OURSELVES.

213. TIME TO CULL THE HERD.

214. LOOK OUT!

215. WHAT IS GOING ON?

216. I HAVE NO IDEA.

217. EVERY TIME WE TURN AROUND, THERE'S MORE OF US.

218. AND THEN PHIL JUST WANTS TO SHOOT US ALL.

219. AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE ANYMORE WHICH OF US IS THE ORIGINAL.

220. I AM.

221. I AM.

222. ALL RIGHT. WE'RE HERE.

223. WHO'S GOT THE DOCUMENT?

224. HUH? NOT ME.

225. NOT ME.

226. SIGH.

227. SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

228. THERE'S TWO OF YOU?

229. GET THE PAPER.

230. GET THE PAPER.

231. THIN THE BEASTIES.

232. LOOK OUT!

233. WHAT'S THE LINE FOR?

234. MACHINES ARE OUT OF TONER.

235. HEY, WHERE'S THAT GUY ELLIOTT?

236. WAIT. DID YOU SAY ELLIOTT?

237. I'LL SEE YOU THEN, ELIOT.

238. I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

239. BUY MORE TONER?

240. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME, LIKE, ALL YOU DUDES ARE NAMED RANGER

241. SMITH AND, LIKE, WORK AT THE SAME PARK?

242. I-SLASH-WE KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO, ELLIOTT, OR SHOULD I

243. SAY THE DEADLY DUPLICATOR?

244. YOUR REPRODUCTIVE DAYS ARE OVER.

245. DEEDLE DEEDLE DEE.

246. WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, BIRDMAN...

247. AND BIRDMAN AND BIRDMAN AND BIRDMAN AND BIRDMAN AND

248. BIRDMAN.

249. OVER HERE.

250. OVER HERE.

251. OVER HERE.

252. NOPE. NOPE. OVER HERE.

253. HELLO?

254. OVER HERE.

255. HERE I AM.

256. AAH! ANOTHER MINTYCHIP-SKINNED MAN.

257. BACK OFF.

258. OH, THANKS KINDLY.

259. FINALLY.

260. YOU BET, I DO WELL, I BELIEVE

261. IN KISSIN', HONEY WHEN THE MOON IS NEW

262. NO! HELP ME!

263. OUT OF TONER!

264. ANYBODY? TAKERS? ♪ WELL, EVERYBODY, I THINK

265. WE'RE ALL GLAD TO SEE THE DEADLY DUPLICATOR OUT OF ORDER, BUT HOW

266. ARE WE GOING TO GET RID OF ALL THESE COPIES?

267. I'VE SEEN THINGS YOU PEOPLE WOULDN'T BELIEVE...

268. AND FROM THIS SIDE ONLY— THE FLIGHT OF A HALF MAN, HALF

269. BIRD; DINOSAURS NUZZLING THEIR YOUNG IN PASTURES WHERE A STRIP

270. MALL SHOULD BE; COOKIES ON DOWELS—ALL THOSE MOMENTS LOST

271. IN TIME, GONE LIKE EGGS OFF A HOOKER'S STOMACH.

272. TIME TO DIE.

273. AND EVERYTHING IS BACK TO NORMAL.

274. EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD—

275. MR. BIRDMAN?

276. A MR. HAWKMAN HERE TO SEE YOU.

277. OY.

278. [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

279. TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

280. CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—]