Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law 2x5

Directed by Richard Ferguson-Hull

After years of getting his powers from the sun, Harvey notices a suspicious spot on his skin. When his dermatoligist insists he stay out of the sun and use sunblock, the now droopy Birdman turns to a self-tanning cream for a pick me up. It isn't long before he's addicted to the stuff, using more and more to stay awake. All the while, he attempts to help out Ding-A-Ling in his case against the porn industry.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

2. THAT WAS A GOOD ONE—

3. IS IT HARD WITH THE—

4. HE'S IN MY SPOT AGAIN.

5. SEE, THAT'S PASSING.

6. HE'S IN MY SPOT AGAIN!

7. WHO, HARVEY?

8. WHO IS IN YOUR SPOT, PRAY?

9. POTAMUS! WHO ELSE?

10. EVERY MORNING HE PARKS THAT DAMN BLIMP-ARC

11. DIAGONALLY ACROSS TWO SPOTS.

12. HIPPO!

13. IS THAT A MOLE?

14. AVENGER! GET THE MOLE! GET THE MOLE!

15. YEP, THAT'S A MOLE.

16. LOOKS LIKE FRIDA KAHLO.

17. HAS A LITTLE MUSTACHE AND EVERYTHING.

18. YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE THAT LOOKED AT.

19. WHY?

20. 'CAUSE SHE'S WINKING AT ME.

21. HUH!

22. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

23. SO, WOULD YOU SAY

24. YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN THE SUN?

25. UH... WELL...

26. THE SUN'S ENERGIZING POWERS ARE REPLENISHING MY STRENGTH.

27. CLOSER. CLOSER! OH, GOD, YES!

28. THAT'S NOT GOOD.

29. SUNBLOCK?

30. SO, IF I USE THIS, I'LL BE ALL RIGHT?

31. OH, YOU'RE GONNA DIE.

32. MAYBE NOT NOW OR OF THAT,

33. BUT EVENTUALLY YOU'LL DIE.

34. PROBABLY PAINFULLY, TOO.

35. THE SUN CAN KILL YOU!

36. UGH!

37. SUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE.

38. PEOPLE WITH SONS KILL PEOPLE.

39. OK, OW.

40. RUB THIS ON MY BACK.

41. OOH. COLD. COLD. COLD. COLD.

42. OOH. YEAH.

43. WAIT. DOESN'T HE GET HIS ENERGY FROM THE SUN?

44. I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW.

45. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, YOU CAN ADDRESS IT TO—

46. A MR. DING-A-LING HERE TO SEE YOU.

47. MR. DING-A-LING!

48. HA HA HA. DE-DEL-LI-DEL-LI.

49. GEE WHIZES, MR. BIRDMAN.

50. SOMETHING AWFUL'S HAPPENED.

51. I WENT TO REGISTER MY NAME,

52. BECAUSE I WANT TO DO A WEB SITE

53. FOR ALL MY FANS—

54. AND THIS IS WHAT CAME UP.

55. IT'S PICTURES.

56. DIRTY PICTURES.

57. YOU THINK YOU GOT IT BAD?

58. YEAH. DA DA DA PUDDY TAT.

59. JEFE, WAKE UP. TENEMOS UN PEPE.

60. I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL.

61. NURSE, GET ME THAT BAG.

62. NOT THAT BAG, THAT ONE.

63. THAT'S RIGHT.

64. DR. PEANUT'S GONNA MAKE ALL THE BAD-BAD

65. GO WAY-WAY.

66. WHAT'S THIS?

67. TANNING CREAM... OH, I'M SORRY.

68. CREME.

69. NO, NO, MY FRIEND.

70. FIRST TASTE IS ALWAYS FREE WITH "P" TO THE "N-U-T".

71. I'LL TAKE THE CASE!

72. AND THAT ONE! AND THAT ONE!

73. AND THAT ONE! HA HA HA HA HA!

74. HMM. dingaling.biz.

75. HUH. IT SAYS I NEED A CREDIT CARD NUMBER TO GET IN.

76. UH, TRY THIS.

77. UM... 011563,

78. STANDARD FRANKLIN OSMOND.

79. EXPENSIVE AND THE BEAUTIFUL SILK PANTY GARMENTS

80. FOR EVERYONE!

81. THAT WORKED!

82. OH, HOW 'BOUT THAT?

83. I SEE. OH, MY.

84. INTERESTING.

85. OH, PEANUT, DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE

86. OF THIS TANNING CREME?

87. OH, YEAH, YEAH.

88. I THINK I HAVE SOME...

89. BUT IT WILL COST YOU.

90. HOW MUCH?

91. OH, LET'S SEE. PURPLE EAGLE.

92. PLEATHER CHAIR. I DON'T THINK SO.

93. INDUSTRIAL LATHE. OH, THE BIRD BOOKENDS.

94. OH, THOSE WERE A GRADUATION PRESENT—

95. AND YOU'RE FI—!

96. ALLEY-OOP!

97. WOO-HOO!

98. HE HE HE! THE COLORS!

99. THE COLORS!

100. A MANS' GOOD NAME, WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE,

101. ISN'T THAT ALL HE HAS?

102. MY CLIENT, DING-A-LING...

103. WHAT?

104. OH. OOH!

105. YOU WERE EXPECTING A JOKE THERE.

106. TOO EASY. NO.

107. IF HE'D BEEN PETER PECKER- PICKLE-VON-PINI,

108. NAY, PETER PINI-PECKER-PICKLE,

109. WALDO LANG-SCHNIZEL-DONG,

110. OR SARAH PLAIN-AND-TALL,

111. ANY OF THOSE, THEN WE GOT SOMETHING.

112. OH-WHOO- OH-WEE... NIE.

113. AND NOW, THIS ENTERTAINMENT ICON

114. HAS HIS HIGHLY VALUED...

115. PARDON ME. HIS HIGHLY VALUED NAME

116. STOLEN AND USED BY THIS...

117. MR. HARRY TWIDDLES, TO LURE UNSUSPECTING...

118. PEOPLE... TO A WEB SITE FEATURING...

119. ADULT-ORIENTED... MMM... EXCUSE ME.

120. CANDY MAN.

121. I NEED MORE.

122. WELL, I'D BE SO HONORED,

123. MR. PRESIDENT!

124. WAIT 10 MINUTES,

125. THEN LOOK UNDER THE THIRD JUROR FROM THE LEFT.

126. WOO-HOO!

127. OH, LOOK AT ME, EVERYBODY.

128. I CAN FLY! I CAN FLY!

129. D'OH!

130. YOUR NAME WAS HIJACKED BY A WEB SITE AS WELL?

131. YES. YES, IT WAS.

132. TELL US THE NAME OF THAT SITE.

133. hi-riser.com.

134. AND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY,

135. THERE ARE MORE. MANY MORE.

136. I GIVE YOU BIG DUKE, BIGGER DUKE,

137. QUICKIE, SCHNOOKER,

138. THE MAGIC RABBIT, FLUID MAN...

139. THAT WOULD BE EWW.

140. DIRTY DOG, MOTHER LOAD, AND GALTAR.

141. HUH? HUH?

142. AND HIS GOLDEN LANCE.

143. I WOULD LIKE TO CALL

144. A MR. HARRY TWIDDLES TO THE STAND.

145. YEAH!

146. DEAL WITH IT, AMERICA!

147. DEAL WITH IT! YEAH!

148. STATE YOUR NAME FOR THE RECORD.

149. HARRY—

150. EXCUSE ME.

151. BLING-BLING. WHO'S THERE?

152. OH, IT'S PEANUT'S MONEY.

153. IT DIDN'T LAST AS LONG THIS TIME.

154. YEAH, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO STEP YOU UP

155. TO THE GOOD STUFF, HARV.

156. THE FRENCH STUFF.

157. GIVE ME THE FRENCH STUFF.

158. OH, YOU GOTTA PAY MORE FOR THE STUFF

159. EN FRANCAIS, PLAYA.

160. OOLAY POOPOO CHEZ NON-STREAKY.

161. OK. OK. OK. HOW MUCH?

162. YOU KNOW, FUNNY THING, HARV.

163. I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED THE VIEW FROM YOUR APARTMENT.

164. ENJOY. AND LUNCH MONEY.

165. BUT I'M OUT OF MONEY!

166. AVENGER WANTED A CHEESEBURGER, AND—

167. YEAH, I KNOW THIS 39-YEAR-OLD BODYBUILDER.

168. STILL AMATEUR.

169. HE'S GOT A POWERFUL TASTE FOR THE FRENCH STUFF.

170. I COULD GIVE HIM A LITTLE RING-RING.

171. MONEY. MONEY. I'LL GET THE MONEY.

172. EWW!

173. KEEP DRIVING, SLICK. KEEP DRIVING.

174. AND YOUR NAME?

175. HARRY TWIDDLES,

176. A PROUD CITIZEN SOLDIER

177. FOR THE UNITED STATES OF INDECENCY.

178. TELL US WHAT WE'RE LOOKING AT.

179. THAT'S MY STORE.

180. LOOKS INNOCENT FROM THE OUTSIDE,

181. BUT INSIDE... SMUT! AND THIS?

182. THAT'S OUR HEADQUARTERS.

183. BLACK AND GOLD, JUST LIKE TRUMP.

184. THIS? OUR MAGAZINE!

185. THIS? OUR VIDEO SERIES.

186. THIS?

187. I'M... NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THAT IS.

188. IT'S A LAWN AERATOR!

189. NO, IT'S NOT A LAWN—

190. YEAH! WITH A GIANT ROTATING...

191. I NEED MORE.

192. MAN, YOU'VE GOT SUCH NEAT PARENTS.

193. YOU'RE A LUCKY, LUCKY—

194. HERE!

195. OH, NO SOAP.

196. JUST SOLD THE LAST BATCH TO HIM...

197. GEORGE HAMILTON.

198. LISTEN, HARVEY,

199. MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO SLOW DOWN A LITTLE.

200. AH! GOD SAKE.

201. MY MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME?

202. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

203. TANNING CREME, HURRY!

204. YOU FORGOT YOUR GIFT WITH PURCHASE!

205. AND THIS?

206. THAT'S OUR WEB SITE.

207. WHAT'S THIS?

208. SURPRISE! IT'S YOUR INTERVENTION.

209. HARVEY, WE THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

210. ACTUALLY, WE KNOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

211. BECAUSE I'M MENTOK THE MIND-TAKER.

212. OOH-WEE-OOH.

213. WHO'S STRONGER, BIRD MAN? THE ADDICTION OR YOU?

214. HA HA! DID THAT ONE GO OUT? THE ONE ON THE EDGE?

215. YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF, HARVEY.

216. THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

217. GIVE ME A LOW! HA!

218. WE HAVE WRITTEN A LETTER TO YOU, MY FRIEND.

219. HOLD THIS.

220. I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW I HAVE A PROBLEM.

221. I'LL... I'LL JUST GO GET MY THINGS.

222. DON'T WORRY. I HAVE US COVERED.

223. ONE FOR THE ROAD. ONE FOR THE ROAD.

224. THIS IS GOOD CRAP.

225. WELL, EVERY—

226. EVERYBODY, THANKS TO A VERY STRONG

227. BUT NURTURING COUNSELOR...

228. MY SUN PATCH...

229. AND A LITTLE MINOR SURGERY...

230. OLD HARV MIGHT JUST BE BACK IN THE SADDLE.

231. WAIT A MINUTE.

232. THAT'S NOT A MOLE. IT'S GRAVY.

233. NO, IT'S CHOCOLATE. NO, IT'S GRAVY.

234. UGH!

235. HI. WE TOUCHED ON A LOT OF ISSUES

236. IN TONIGHT'S EPISODE...

237. AND EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A COMEDY SHOW...

238. WE WANT YOU TO KNOW

239. WE'D NEVER MAKE LIGHT OF THESE THINGS.

240. SO, WE'D LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT

241. TO DISCUSS THEM WITH YOU.

242. FIRST, AND MOST IMPORTANT, THERE'S...

243. UNFORTUNATELY TOO LATE FOR SUNBLOCK.

244. SERIOUS ISSUE, AND MOST DEFINITELY NOT FUNNY.

245. HA HA!

246. SERIOUS.

247. NEXT, OF COURSE, THERE'S...

248. NOT FUNNY.

249. SO, REMEMBER, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE STARS...

250. DOESN'T MEAN WE CARE. DON'T!

251. AND THERE ISN'T A PROBLEM AROUND

252. THAT WON'T GET BETTER WHEN YOU...

253. TALK MORE ABOUT IT.

254. ONE ANOTHER.

255. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

256. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—