Harley Quinn 3x9

Directed by Juan Jose Meza-Leon

Diedrich Bader as Batman (voice) • J.B. Smoove as Frank the Plant (voice) • Ron Funches as King Shark (voice) • Harvey Guillén as Nightwing (voice) • James Adomian as Bane (voice) • Briana Cuoco as Batgirl (voice) • James Adomian as Bane/Vincent Edge/Animal Control Officer (voice)

When an inadvertent plant zombie apocalypse breaks out in Gotham, Harley fights to save the city, while Ivy embraces her inner supervillain.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Okay? He's outside doing something awful with Frank.

2. Bruce sees 10 steps ahead of everything he does.

3. Whatever he's doing, he knows it'll be safe.

4. You know how depressed Selina breaking it off has made him.

5. Oh, please. He broke up with her.

6. Jesus! He's never gonna say that he loves you, dude.

7. I'm slightly worried that

8. my extremely realistic portrayal

9. of his murdered father

10. may have played a small part in this.

11. Oh, wow. Is your next role Sherlock Fucking Holmes?

12. Look, he's been down in the dumps,

13. but Bruce would never do anything

14. to put others in danger.

15. Well... I can't believe I'm about to say this.

16. I'd love for you all to meet...

17. my parents.

18. I see how this looks.

19. But it's just temporary.

20. A few more experiments and I'm positive

21. I'll turn my zombie parents

22. back into my beloved, very much alive parents.

23. Oh, I've got to get him on the pod.

24. Let's get you down to the lab

25. to see if we can extract that plant growth hormone

26. so you don't become another one of Alfred's topiaries.

27. - You did this. - Bullshit.

28. Frank was only supposed to resurrect

29. dead plants, not humans.

30. Billionaire bitch boy obviously altered Frank

31. to bring back his dead parents

32. instead of just, you know, dealing with his emotions.

33. Whoa! And I thought I was the psychiatrist in this relationship.

34. If you untie us, I won't kill Bruce

35. in front of his dead parents for what he did. Deal?

36. What she meant is we need to figure out how far reaching

37. what Bruce did goes.

38. Free us so we can figure out how to stop it.

39. We're not letting you go. We can deal with it ourselves.

40. Oh, nards!

41. Ah, my wrists can breathe.

42. What the hell are you doing?

43. I know it's hard to hear, but I think Bruce messed up.

44. No, that, that can't be.

45. There's a freaking zombie horde outside.

46. Well, how many are there?

47. Hmm. I'd say five, 10, maybe 20 football fields' worth.

48. Oh, my God. Frank is out there.

49. Hey, man. Dude to dude,

50. I'm not in this crew. They basically tricked me.

51. So leave me out of whatever justice

52. you're bringing them. All right?

53. Oh, my God.

54. They turned Frank into a zombie.

55. No. No, I was just pretending to be one to get here safe.

56. - Never seen a fucking zombie movie?

57. Yeah, she's still making her way through

58. the fourth season of that pottery competition.

59. - You like it too. - Yeah. Okay. True.

60. We might want to do something about Frank's friends here.

61. Frank, what happened?

62. That walking definition of white privilege

63. planted me directly into the root system

64. surrounding this house.

65. Roots reach out like sperms.

66. My shit went everywhere

67. bringing back all kinds of dead assholes.

68. Well, how can we stop them?

69. All I know is stay the fuck away from their puke.

70. Oh, shit. Okay, hypothetically speaking,

71. if, say, a friend happened

72. to come in contact with said vomit,

73. what side effects are we looking at here?

74. Psycho, are you trying to tell us

75. that someone vomited on you?

76. What? No.

77. Like I said, hypothetical about a... Oh, fuck!

78. Oh, bit on the nose, even for me.

79. Okay. I might have gotten a little vomit on...

80. Fuck me in the nasal urethra!

81. Okay. We gotta figure out how to reverse this

82. before people we actually care about

83. are turned into that.

84. So this is where I do my actual job.

85. I'm basically the last line of defense

86. Gotham has against total chaos.

87. I got my own spotlight.

88. I mean, whatever.

89. Mother, Father, this is your grandson.

90. Damian, say hello to your soon to be completely alive

91. grandmama and grandpapa.

92. Teens, right?

93. Oh, right. You died when I was eight.

94. Well, they're a handful.

95. Uh, do I want to know what's going on down there?

96. Nope? Okay, great.

97. That's great.

98. The zombies are headed for Gotham Central Park.

99. Jazzapajizza!

100. What? Jazz Fest got canceled three years ago,

101. so they rebranded it to a three day event.

102. And you know what? I love jazz.

103. Okay? Get over it.

104. Wait, Frank.

105. Are you saying that every dead person in Gotham

106. may have been brought back to life?

107. - It's possible. - Ah-ha!

108. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have some errands to run.

109. I mean, it's clear the zombies share DNA with the plants,

110. so there's reason to believe

111. that they're connected to the green.

112. Maybe if I just go in there,

113. I can find a way to control them.

114. No. No, no way.

115. The last time you went there, you almost died.

116. What other choice do we have?

117. I hate saying this, but the Bludhaven boner's right.

118. Plus, I know what to expect now.

119. I've got this, peanut.

120. Who knew confidence was my kink?

121. Okay, while I'm in there, you and the bat freaks try to stall them off.

122. And you're delegating. Oh. I'm gonna need to change my shorts.

123. Oh. God, I love you.

124. I know. Now, go!

125. All right. Which way to the Batcave?

126. What? What's this Batcave you speak of?

127. Yeah, it sounds, um, scary.

128. Not someplace I'd like to go.

129. Guys, I know Bruce is Batman.

130. Bruce Vilanch is Batman?

131. Oh. Wow. Jokes and crime fighting.

132. What a guy!

133. Oh. For fuck's sake. I was just in his head.

134. He literally told me.

135. So you can either keep this shit up

136. or we can go and save Gotham.

137. Fine, this way.

138. Remember, Harley, you're in the Batwing,

139. which means you're representing—

140. This is awesome.

141. Now let's go stop these undead dickheads.

142. We got this, Ive.

143. All right. You got this.

144. You know, I'm psyched for Jazzapajizza too.

145. If these zombies

146. stop me from seeing a jazz legend

147. go off on his flugelhorn, I'll lose my shit.

148. You better hurry your ass up, Ivy.

149. Whoo!

150. Pamela, wait.

151. Alec, I'm kind of in the middle of something.

152. So if you need to talk, maybe Nora is available.

153. I'm here for you.

154. You know what? I appreciate the support on that. Thank you.

155. I can feel your conflict inside.

156. I'm sorry. What are you talking about?

157. The conflict of who the real you is. Good versus evil.

158. Which are you?

159. The green can give you immense power.

160. Power that would make it easy for you to help

161. or hurt this world,

162. to complete any plan you can imagine.

163. I implore you to use it for good.

164. Even a plan that was ruined by a selfish billionaire?

165. Um, yeah.

166. Oh, boy, I biffed that speech.

167. I think now would be a great time to figure your shit out.

168. We are seeing that flugelhorn phenom!

169. Okay. That's not that many zombies.

170. Oh, shit.

171. Hey, Harley, wait a second.

172. Are you in the Batwing?

173. Yeah. Long story.

174. Are you in the middle of some ceremonial crap or something?

175. Yeah. Long story. What's up?

176. Gotham's swarming with zombies.

177. Ivy's in Wayne Manor, stuck in the green,

178. I need you to make sure she's okay.

179. Oh, you can count on me.

180. All right, let's see what this bad boy can do.

181. Hey, where the hell are the missiles

182. or machine guns on this?

183. - There are none. - And why is that?

184. We decided, as a family, we don't believe in killing.

185. What, anyone?

186. What if it's Gwyneth Paltrow and she's, like, eating a baby?

187. You know, or like a massive asshole.

188. Not even massive... butt holes.

189. Saying butt hole's so much worse.

190. It paints a gross picture.

191. Whoa! Ivy, you dramatic motherfucker!

192. What the hell happened in there?

193. I found this energy, this power and I entered it.

194. I became a part of it and it became a part of me,

195. and it felt amazing,

196. like getting a massage on mushrooms,

197. and also I realized I can pull off a kitten heel.

198. Okay. Okay, but what's with all the zombies?

199. I can control them.

200. Make them do Beyonce's sick dance from homecoming.

201. I want to see these fools pantomime all the horns.

202. I think that's maybe like too much to ask.

203. But how about this?

204. God damn, you need to get out.

205. All right. Let's stop the rest.

206. No. This is still my plan.

207. It's not exactly how I saw it going,

208. but they're out creating Eden with their vomit.

209. I can remake the city exactly as I envisioned it.

210. That's not what you told Harley.

211. Maybe check with her first.

212. Oh, she's gonna understand. She wants this as much as I do.

213. Now, let's go

214. - terraform this motherfucker.

215. No. Stop it, zombies. Stop tickling.

216. Get away from me! Oh, that was too much.

217. Ivy? Ivy!

218. I told you guys to wait downstairs.

219. I'm just grabbing a snack.

220. What are you doing in my house?

221. Wait, watch out.

222. There are two zombies right behind you.

223. Those are my parents.

224. Well, they're zombies, but they won't be much longer.

225. I know how this looks, but I'm not crazy.

226. I just want to bring my zombie parents back to life.

227. And what are you doing in my house?

228. I was in here to help.

229. Do you know what's going on out there?

230. - Jazzapajizza. - Zombie apocalypse.

231. Wait. There are more undead than just my parents?

232. Oh, yeah. Look, I'm not judging.

233. We all handle grief differently.

234. I mean, I've been off this whole year

235. since my dad died, and we weren't even that close.

236. I can't concentrate.

237. I've barely been journaling

238. and I killed another one of my brothers.

239. Anyway, look, it takes time to process these things.

240. Although, didn't your parents die like a while ago?

241. Is 30 years a while?

242. Okay. Now I am judging.

243. It feels like you should be much further along than this.

244. I mean, you're obsessed about the past

245. and missing out on the present

246. and also starting a zombie apocalypse.

247. Is it that bad?

248. Oh, my God, it's the end of the world.

249. Gotham's falling. We're all gonna die.

250. Give me your pen. I wanna slit my throat.

251. - What have I done?

252. I think your dad just ate your cat.

253. And that cat looked expensive.

254. Hey, look at me out here

255. with you two just saving the world like a big old nerd.

256. As soon as Ivy has control of those zombies

257. we'll have Gotham cleaner than ever. Whoo!

258. So how many of these do we need?

259. All of them.

260. What the hell?

261. Harley, what's going on?

262. It's like they found a purpose.

263. They're destroying everything.

264. Wait, not everything.

265. Mama Macaroni's?

266. Ivy?

267. Thank you.

268. How are we doing tonight?

269. All right. Yeah. All right.

270. Our next act was booked last year.

271. But then some crazy clown went a bit extreme

272. and got Jazzapajizza cancelled.

273. My bad.

274. Anyway, it's my pleasure to introduce Joey Q and Centri-Flugel Force.

275. Jeez, that's tortured.

276. Musicians can get folks to scream in a way

277. I always tried to achieve but I never could.

278. Hey, nobody touches Joey Q and the Centri-Flugel Force.

279. Zombies and plants, ghouls and greens,

280. it is my pleasure to introduce to you

281. the Vine Vixen, the Lady of Leaves, your one and only queen,

282. Dr. Pamela Ivy.

283. Hello, Gotham. Thank you. Thank you.

284. Yes. Looking sexy tonight.

285. Look, for too long, humans have killed us for their convenience.

286. Cutting us down to build their homes

287. or so they can feed their unhealthy lust for meat

288. or taking a passing interest in greening up their homes,

289. only to lose that interest, letting us die

290. unloved in a corner.

291. They spit on us and piss on us.

292. It's time for us to spit back.

293. For today, we announce to the world

294. that Gotham City is going green.

295. Get somewhere safe, Bats.

296. Oh. What the hell are you doing, Ive?

297. What the hell is going on?

298. It's Ivy.

299. Oh, shit.

300. - We have to take her out. - By any means necessary.

301. What happened to no killing things?

302. Sometimes we're forced to make exceptions.

303. All right, let's do this.

304. Wait, wait. Please, just let me talk to Ivy.

305. Harley, I know you love her, but I think we're past talking.

306. She will listen to me.

307. I know it. Please give me 10 minutes

308. and this will all be figured out.

309. Fine, but hurry the hell up.

310. - Hey, hey, she's good. She's with me.

311. Holy shit, Ive, you look hot as hell!

312. And I was so wrong about the kitten heel.

313. Right? I know. I was like, "What?"

314. It took me by surprise, too.

315. So, um, how you doing?

316. Honestly. Amazing.

317. I just have never felt better about myself

318. than I do right now. I mean, Harley, we're doing it.

319. Uh-huh. And what exactly is "it"?

320. Our plan.

321. Look. We're turning Gotham into Eden.

322. Mmm. I don't know if this was,

323. like, totally what the plan was.

324. No, I mean, it's not exactly what we talked about.

325. Bruce fucked that up.

326. But then I realized I can salvage it,

327. call an audible and still basically

328. get the end result that we wanted.

329. Look, the old me would have given up,

330. but, Harls, you, you helped me awaken the real me.

331. I mean, don't you see?

332. You, no matter what, believed in me

333. and finally showed me how to believe in myself.

334. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me on every level.

335. I love you so much.

336. And after this, everything will be perfect.

337. Ivy, I'm...

338. I am so happy you found that confidence

339. I always knew was inside of you

340. and it makes me happier than anything.

341. But this, this is wrong.

342. It is not what we talked about.

343. Wait, what? What do you mean?

344. Like, this is Eden. This is our plan.

345. - Our dream. - Innocent people are dying.

346. That was not part of the plan.

347. Well, Harley, plans change.

348. You know, like, that's what I'm doing.

349. This is what I want.

350. I'm sorry that you can't get on board,

351. but I'm following through.

352. Something I always thought that you wanted me to do.

353. Dear God! Why?

354. I thought I was over this.

355. Calm down.

356. Call Cherise.

357. She said to do this for any therapy emergency.

358. Cherise, I know you said not to approach you outside of sessions.

359. But I am having a therapy emergency.

360. Ivy, I love you and this might be your Eden,

361. but it's not mine.

362. Harley, you sacrificed yourself for me?

363. I can finally forgive you and move on.

364. Forget the stupid pasta maker.

365. - Harley!

366. It's just Selina breaking it off

367. and that movie about my dad.

368. I'm usually so good at pushing my emotions down,

369. but this left me with an excruciating emptiness.

370. Oh. It sounds like a tough couple of weeks.

371. Sure has been.

372. I just missed my parents so much and thought bringing them back

373. would give me the closure I needed.

374. I didn't think it would lead to a zombie apocalypse.

375. It's an honest mistake.

376. But as much as I wish it wasn't true,

377. my parents are dead.

378. I can't change that.

379. But I can fix this.

380. Wait. You don't have to.

381. No, I do.

382. I brought all this upon the city.

383. It's my cross to bear.

384. Ironic, isn't it?

385. I spent the last 30 years

386. mourning the loss of my parents,

387. and I'll spend the next 30

388. grieving their second death at my hands.

389. Are you sure? Because I'll do it for you.

390. Seriously?

391. You know, I'd really appreciate that.

392. Uh, you're going to want to look away and cover your ears.

393. Harley, why did you do this?

394. I can't, I can't change you back without...

395. Without undoing everything.

396. Oh. Thank God I was...

397. I was hoping that was how it worked,

398. but I didn't know exactly what the plant magic rules were.

399. - Harley!

400. Shit.

401. Are you okay?

402. Good.

403. Fuck!