1. Ratcatcher has spent
most of his life in the sewers
catching rats.
Copy !req
2. But the last thing he expected
to catch there was feelings.
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3. Our exclusive interview
with Gotham's
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4. controversial couple
right after this break.
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5. Wait, is he screwin' a rat?
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6. Sick!
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7. No!
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8. Let me out!
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9. Ah! Frank!
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10. Are you okay?
Maybe you should chill
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11. on going that deep
into the Green.
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12. You know, Swamp Thing did say
it's gonna take some time
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13. for your body
to get used to it.
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14. I gotta assume, at some point,
your boobs will stop sweatin'.
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15. I don't care how sick I get.
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16. I have to find out
where Frank is.
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17. Bruce Wayne's got him.
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18. He... It's just too dark to see
where he is.
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19. I mean,
it's like all that money
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20. and he can't buy a light bulb,
for Christ's sake.
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21. If only we knew someone
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22. who could help us draw him out.
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23. Don't look at me.
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24. We broke up.
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25. Bruce is so clingy.
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26. Even for
an eccentric billionaire,
he's got baggage.
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27. Workaholic, obsessed
with clean eating,
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28. and, you know, those
major abandonment issues
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29. from seeing his parents
murdered as a child.
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30. Well, congrats
on freeing yourself
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31. from the chains of hetero hell.
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32. But can't you just pretend
you want to see him?
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33. You know, maybe lure him
over here and we'll handle
the rest?
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34. No. When I break up
with someone,
I cut them off completely.
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35. He's determined
to get me back.
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36. Won't stop
sending me gifts, flowers,
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37. this canary diamond
encrusted tiara.
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38. That is one sparkly meatball.
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39. Oh, that looks
incredible on you.
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40. It's all right.
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41. Mm. He wants me to wear it
to a gala he's hosting tonight.
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42. It's a clunky name.
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43. Did your RSVP?
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44. I'm not going anywhere
near that mess.
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45. Didn't you hear my whole
no-communication thing?
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46. - Yeah, Harls, pay attention.
- Okay.
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47. My point is, if Bruce thinks
there's a chance
you might come,
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48. he will definitely be there.
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49. True, he is
desperate to see me.
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50. Ugh. That better not be
more flowers.
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51. Okay. We're gonna go
to that gala,
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52. grab Bruce, and we're going
to torture him
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53. until he tells us where
Frank is.
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54. No— Yeah, it's happening.
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55. - Or, I have an idea.
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56. You'll stay here, rest,
read some mags,
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57. hydrate, get your strength
back up to torture levels.
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58. And I will go kidnap
Bruce Wayne.
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59. - So, I know it's been
a tough week.
- Mm.
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60. Respectfully,
Selina's being a total B.
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61. Appreciate the solidarity,
but don't talk about her
like that.
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62. You know what always makes me
feel better?
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63. A hug.
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64. But that's not
really our thing,
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65. so, how about focusing on work?
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66. Are you looking at Selina's
Waynestagram stories?
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67. She can tell If you are.
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68. She can? I mean, I'm not.
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69. Obviously.
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70. If no one else
has any new leads,
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71. I'd like to discuss
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72. the CowNews BoyBoy Hat.
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73. By now, I'm sure you've seen
the ads.
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74. According to my source
at the docks,
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75. there's a shipment
coming in tonight.
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76. I'm thinking we intercept it
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77. and see what's really going on
with these hats.
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78. A new hat fad doesn't equal
criminal activity.
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79. Lots of people wear hats.
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80. Am I a criminal?
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81. No, but you look like
you're ready to steal
some kisses.
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82. No? All right.
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83. They're not just hats.
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84. They've got a smart device
that can read your mind
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85. and become your own
personal assistant.
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86. - Cool.
- That doesn't sound fishy
to you?
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87. Hats and neurotech?
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88. That can only be the work
of one man.
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89. - Mad Hatter.
- Mad Hatter.
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90. Impossible. I ran Mad Hatter
out of town years ago.
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91. You're making connections
that just aren't there.
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92. Now, if that's all,
I have a gala to get to.
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93. Selina, it's Bruce.
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94. Uh, Bruce Wayne,
your boyfriend.
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95. Ex-boyfriend, lover.
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96. Hey, is this a two rolls
of duct tape kidnapping?
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97. Harley, honey, I don't want you
to go alone, okay?
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98. I'll be fine. Yes, each time
I go into the Green,
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99. it feels like every one
of my cells
is being ripped apart,
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100. but maybe this tea will help.
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101. It's lemon ginger.
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102. Oh, King Shark will come
with me.
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103. What do you say, buddy?
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104. You up for a classic
Shark-Ley adventure?
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105. Kidnap a sad billionaire?
Huh? Huh?
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106. Rain check.
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107. I have to return home
due to the death of my father.
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108. - Sorry, dude.
- Fucking fuck.
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109. Thank you.
This is actually a relief.
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110. He was a terrible shark
and an even worse man.
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111. Oh, so... Congrats?
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112. Not quite there yet.
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113. The good news is
I get to see my little brother,
Prince Shark.
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114. I mean, we're pretty tight.
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115. He's the brother I didn't eat.
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116. So, does this mean you're like
an actual king now?
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117. No, Prince will be King
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118. once I officially pass
on the position at the funeral.
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119. We have confusing
traditions under the sea.
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120. No worries,
I'll just go with...
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121. Clayface!
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122. Oh, ho, ho!
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123. Clayface would love to, but...
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124. Billy Bob Thornton
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125. is manning the dunk tank
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126. at the glorious St. Louis
Professional Baseballer's
Charity Circus.
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127. Go, team! I'll look up the name
on the way...
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128. Well, I should get going, too.
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129. Have fun storming
the castle, Harley!
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130. Okay, screw it,
I'm going with you.
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131. I'm gonna... Oh, wow.
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132. Okay, no more going
into the Green for now.
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133. You've gotta rest.
I got this, NBD.
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134. Okay, Bruce Wayne is just
some dude, okay?
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135. It's not like he's Superman
or something.
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136. I know, it's just...
It's been a while
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137. since you've done a job alone.
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138. She's trying to say
that you're extremely
codependent.
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139. - For the love of nuts,
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140. - who is texting you?
- Ugh.
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141. It's that nerd, Batgirl.
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142. Since the escape room,
I've thrown her a couple LOLs
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143. but she just keeps texting.
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144. Babe, you don't
have to be defensive.
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145. It's sweet,
you like to take in strays.
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146. Listen, I'm locked
and loaded, baby.
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147. I got rope, double duct tape,
binoculars, glass cutter,
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148. person cutter and a granola bar
in case I get peckish.
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149. Now, call me
if there are any problems.
Swearsies?
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150. When has anything
I've attempted to do
gone wrong?
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151. But... You're sick,
you save your energy.
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152. Listen, while I'm gone,
you take care of Ivy.
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153. That means you sit with her,
you stream that lubed-up dildo
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154. disguised as a TV show,
Bridgerton,
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155. or whatever people
are horny for
these days,
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156. and make sure
she wants for nothing.
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157. And why would I do that?
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158. Because if you don't,
when I kidnap Bruce,
I'm gonna tell him
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159. you've been saying his name
in your sleep.
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160. Be quick, will you?
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161. And try not to
make a spectacle.
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162. I don't need the hotel
tightening up security.
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163. It's one of my favorite
places to steal from.
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164. It's where I got my Picasso.
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165. - Hey, Bruce! Bruce!
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166. Hey. Where's Selina
tonight, huh?
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167. Has she arrived yet?
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168. Hi-yah! Come here,
you little old—
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169. Still takes her vitamins.
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170. Where are all the octopuses
and finned aquatic dignitaries?
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171. Shark ceremony only.
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172. It was in Dad's will.
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173. You know how he was.
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174. A snob to the bitter end.
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175. Your father was a great shark.
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176. - So kind of you to say.
- Wasn't he?
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177. Hey. That "great shark"
had relations with his wife.
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178. And his sister.
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179. Dad looks good on you,
by the way.
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180. Thanks, man.
That means a lot.
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181. We're gathered here today
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182. to coronate your new king
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183. and celebrate the legacy
of King Daddy,
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184. who most famously saved us
from our arch enemies,
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185. the sinful Atlanteans.
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186. If they only knew,
during that battle,
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187. Dad was turnt up
on bunk abalone venom.
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188. I'm glad you're here.
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189. Me too.
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190. Now, King Daddy's
firstborn son, Nanaue,
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191. and his brother Kamea
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192. will join me at the altar
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193. for the official passing
of duty.
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194. Your father's royal scepter
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195. is only to be touched by kings.
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196. Whoo! Powerful.
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197. I kinda like it.
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198. Oh, I'm just kidding.
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199. Ah, the Prince is become King.
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200. Are you sure
you don't want to be king?
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201. You are the oldest.
It's your right.
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202. No, you deserve this.
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203. You stayed here and took care
of the kingdom
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204. and the family.
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205. Even for Dad's diaper stuff.
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206. Yeah, man. Soon enough,
the kingdom will be no more
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207. and I'll be free
of all this bullshit.
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208. I am psyched.
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209. Totally. Yeah.
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210. I mean, wait. What?
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211. Oh, damn. That was
actually beautiful.
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212. Freeze, scumbag!
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213. Oh. Hey, girl. 'Sup?
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214. Harley? What the hell?
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215. I thought you were just
staying in tonight.
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216. Eh. Changed my mind.
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217. Are you stalking me?
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218. Ugh, as if.
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219. I'm working gala security.
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220. Cool story. Outta my way.
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221. Not unless
you have an invite.
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222. Ugh.
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223. Ow.
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224. God, you are so clingy.
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225. I don't want to fight you.
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226. Oh, you don't?
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227. Of course not.
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228. We're friends.
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229. Ow.
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230. Hey, how's my prickly
little pear feeling?
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231. Do you miss me?
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232. Did you take my tiara?
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233. Screw your tiara. How's Ivy?
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234. She's fine.
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235. Ugh. Gotta go.
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236. So you do answer your phone.
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237. Ow! Shit, that hurts.
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238. Did I do something wrong?
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239. I thought we were
becoming friends.
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240. - I have enough friends!
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241. Oh, really? Let's see,
there's Ivy... end of list!
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242. Oh! So the kitty
does have claws.
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243. I knew you weren't as
"I'm so innocent,
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244. I follow the rules.
I'm Gotham's hall monitor"
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245. as you pretend to be.
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246. I don't sound like that,
you stupid... clown!
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247. - Oh! Good one.
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248. You know what?
Maybe I do want
people to like me,
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249. but at least I'm honest
about who I am.
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250. You want a merit badge
for admittin'
you're a fuckin' dork?
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251. Maybe take the next one.
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252. Can you please get the next—
What the...
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253. Ugh!
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254. I miss these heart-to-hearts.
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255. Yeah, me too.
Copy !req
256. Hey, while we're chatting,
sipping 'gria,
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257. can we circle back
to that thing you said
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258. about "the kingdom
will be no more?"
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259. Oh, yeah, that.
I mean, I'm selling it.
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260. An offer came in.
The numbers are right.
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261. Gonna cash out.
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262. Focus on me for a change.
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263. Ah, maybe do
some print modeling work.
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264. Well, who's the buyer?
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265. Would you believe
it's Ocean Master?
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266. Isn't that a trip?
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267. Look, I know
I'm coming to this late,
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268. so no disrespect,
but Ocean Master is,
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269. like, a longstanding enemy
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270. who famously hates
the shark kingdom.
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271. Well, his money
spends as good
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272. as the next guy-slash-fish-
slash-bivalve.
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273. Did you run this by anyone?
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274. Nope. That's the great thing
about being a king,
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275. I don't have to answer
to no one.
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276. He's going to
develop an outlet mall
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277. and a multiplex theater,
food court.
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278. Hey, what's "fast casual?"
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279. 'Cause he said that a lot.
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280. Have you considered
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281. maybe not selling
our ancestral homeland?
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282. "Our"? Oh, oh, that's rich.
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283. Now Dad's dead,
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284. you show up swinging
your double dick around
Copy !req
285. like you have a say.
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286. You chose to go live on land
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287. and I was stuck here
to deal with Dad.
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288. I had to be the good son,
the one who followed the rules,
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289. the one dealing
with those diapers, ugh!
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290. And you know
we all just shit in the water.
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291. So if you got to wear
a diaper down here,
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292. you know things are messed up.
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293. You're right. I should have
been here to help more.
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294. Yeah, well, you weren't.
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295. But now it's my time
to be selfish.
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296. And if you have a problem,
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297. why don't you do
what you're good at and leave?
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298. Where are we?
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299. Oh, God! Is this
immersive theater? Ugh!
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300. We demand to know
who you're working for!
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301. The name's Tetch. Jervis Tetch.
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302. More lamely known as
the Mad Hatter.
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303. Well, I didn't take you
for a "mad hater,"
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304. considering how much
you've been snooping
around my shipments.
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305. You won't get away with this.
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306. It's only a matter of time
until people know
the truth about your hats.
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307. Wait, so you're the guy
behind those weird hats?
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308. They aren't "weird hats"!
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309. You see, there's a reason
for the unconventional design.
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310. The newsboy brim
Copy !req
311. focuses the mind control
of the frontal lobe,
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312. while the cowboy crown
provides ample room
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313. for the processor
and transmitter.
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314. And soon,
I will have an army of puppets!
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315. You fooled around
with my plans,
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316. and now I'm going to
fool around with you!
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317. Ugh! Great! Like we need
another run-of-the-mill perv
in Gotham.
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318. I'm not a perv.
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319. I... I torture and murder.
Copy !req
320. Nothing gross. Is it the hat?
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321. It's the hat, isn't it?
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322. Ew!
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323. Oh, okay,
so now you have a problem
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324. with my incredibly long
pinky nail.
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325. Look, I don't have time to list
all the reasons why
you're pervy.
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326. So I'll leave ya
to your business
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327. and just be on my merry way.
Copy !req
328. What you two aren't together?
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329. Us? She wishes.
She screwed up my plans too.
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330. Oh, well, now,
you seemed like friends.
Copy !req
331. Nope. Nope. Nope.
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332. I am not like her!
Copy !req
333. I am like you. In the...
In the broadest of senses.
Copy !req
334. I am Harley Quinn.
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335. The Harley Quinn?
Copy !req
336. Get the heck out of here!
Copy !req
337. I should have recognized
that beautiful hair.
Copy !req
338. Okay, it wasn't pervy,
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339. but I could see
how it would seem pervy.
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340. Rabbits, rabbits,
untie this one.
Copy !req
341. 'Kay. Cool. Great.
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342. Harley!
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343. You're just gonna, like,
mind control her
for a bit, right?
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344. Have her do your evil bidding
or something?
Copy !req
345. I was actually thinking
more along the lines
Copy !req
346. of Chapter 6 of
Through the Looking Glass.
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347. - That's the one where—
- I haven't seen
the movie yet.
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348. Uh, just text me later?
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349. Huh?
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350. Guilt makes you look very old.
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351. I look great,
and I am in a hurry, okay?
Copy !req
352. I have to kidnap Bruce Wayne.
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353. For our girlfriend.
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354. It doesn't matter
how many times you push it,
Copy !req
355. it won't go any faster.
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356. Ugh! Leave it to Batgirl
to make a simple kidnappin'
Copy !req
357. so much harder
than it needs to be!
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358. So does she deserve
to be tortured
Copy !req
359. by a creepy asshole
like Jervis?
Copy !req
360. Yes!
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361. Maybe? Ugh. I don't know.
Copy !req
362. And who names
their kid Jervis anyway?
Copy !req
363. - Right?
- Jervis.
Copy !req
364. Jervis.
Copy !req
365. Would it be so bad
to help Batgirl out?
Copy !req
366. She's a member
of the Bat Family.
Copy !req
367. Hello? I shouldn't have to
explain this to you!
Copy !req
368. All right, jeez. All I'm saying
is it would be a lot easier
Copy !req
369. if she had a friend there
to help her.
Copy !req
370. I am not her friend!
Copy !req
371. Who are you trying to convince?
Copy !req
372. I should go
back there, huh?
Copy !req
373. I'm not telling you what to do.
Copy !req
374. I am simply talking it through
with you.
Copy !req
375. Helping you
track your feelings.
Copy !req
376. You know, this is why
people hate therapy.
Copy !req
377. Let's get this
show on the road.
Copy !req
378. Just sign pages two, three
and nine.
Copy !req
379. The lawyers will do the rest.
Copy !req
380. Limited edish.
Feather-bound tip.
Copy !req
381. - Platinum-embossed barrel.
Copy !req
382. She drives real nice.
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383. Damn!
Copy !req
384. I might have to get myself
one of these after this deal.
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385. I like where
your head's at.
Copy !req
386. God. The hell?
Should I call security?
Copy !req
387. No, it's just
my dumb-ass brother.
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388. I get it.
My brother's a dick too.
Copy !req
389. - It's Aquaman.
- Yeah, I know.
Copy !req
390. Total dick.
Copy !req
391. - There's a door, like,
three feet away from you.
Copy !req
392. Why are you always so dramatic?
Copy !req
393. You can't sell!
Copy !req
394. This kingdom has been
our family home
Copy !req
395. for thousands of years.
Copy !req
396. Oh, wait, hold on a minute.
We talkin' shark years
or human years?
Copy !req
397. Hah! Just doing the math.
Copy !req
398. Sure, the kingdom
has drawbacks,
Copy !req
399. but think about the good times.
Copy !req
400. Think about all the hijinks,
the games,
Copy !req
401. the blood-crazed
feeding frenzies.
Copy !req
402. We'll always have
those memories.
Copy !req
403. Sharks don't get
Alzheimer's, baby!
Copy !req
404. I mean, that's actually
the only thing they got right
in Deep Blue Sea.
Copy !req
405. I don't get why they deviated
so much from the novel.
Copy !req
406. Wait, stop. I know
what you're doing
Copy !req
407. and it won't work.
Copy !req
408. I am selling
and I'm moving up-current.
Copy !req
409. Now, fuck off back to land.
Copy !req
410. Now, I can't let this sale
go through.
Copy !req
411. And how do you plan to stop it?
Copy !req
412. I just need your signature,
Copy !req
413. and one initial here before—
Copy !req
414. This evening's entertainment!
Copy !req
415. Each of you
has a cup filled with tea,
Copy !req
416. but some of you,
or maybe all of you,
Copy !req
417. have a spoonful of cyanide.
Copy !req
418. I'll give the pot a spin
Copy !req
419. and whomever the spout lands on
must drink.
Copy !req
420. No, that's good.
Copy !req
421. Yeah, for a moment there
I thought you were
gonna kill me
Copy !req
422. because, you know,
that's what you do.
Copy !req
423. But, yeah, this is regular tea.
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424. I mean, you know,
got a bit of a kick to it,
but, uh...
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425. Oh, God!
That burns so bad...
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426. - "Earl Grey," she said.
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427. She said, "Earl Grey
will make you dead."
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428. - This is going to be fun,
don't you think?
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429. This isn't creepy.
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430. My mom used to do this to me
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431. all the time
while I was tied up.
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432. Round and round,
I spin the wheel.
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433. When it stops,
what pain you'll feel.
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434. Your turn. Drink up.
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435. No way!
I'm not one of your goons.
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436. You can't make me do anything.
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437. Are you sure?
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438. Ouch!
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439. Hey, hat humper...
We're not done!
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440. Well, well, well. Tea for two!
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441. Take her down! Kill the clown!
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442. And bring me their heads!
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443. Harley, please!
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444. Where is the honor
amongst villains?
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445. Hey, don't look at me.
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446. Look at her.
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447. Why are you smiling?
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448. You were seconds away
from being puppeted
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449. by a leprechaun in a funky hat.
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450. I knew you'd come back.
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451. You may not be
a bona fide hero,
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452. but you're not
as ruthless as you think.
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453. - You were sayin'?
- Yeesh.
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454. Did you really just kill him
to contradict me?
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455. I like killing assholes.
Don't read into it.
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456. Whatever you say... friend.
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457. We are
in the area of friendship.
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458. We're not making bracelets yet.
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459. We're not!
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460. Oh, and FYI,
when someone texts LOL period,
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461. the conversation is over!
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462. Got it. Where you goin'?
Off to do another good deed?
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463. LOL period!
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464. Ugh!
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465. Bruce!
Oh, Bruce.
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466. Selena!
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467. Hiya, Brucey!
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468. Ah! I knew it was two-roll job.
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469. Ow! Oh!
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470. Whoa!
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471. What are you gonna do, huh?
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472. Eat me like you did
our other brothers?
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473. Oh, you know
that was a mistake.
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474. I suffer from
hypoglycemic-induced blackouts!
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475. All 13 times?
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476. My beautiful helmet!
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477. You don't have to
do this alone.
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478. We could work this out,
make our own rules.
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479. Maybe figure out a system
where we alternate duties,
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480. you know, give us both time
to pursue our passions.
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481. There's a lot of great
scheduling apps out there.
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482. Oh, God, Jesus!
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483. - I don't want the helmet back.
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484. I didn't want this.
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485. So, did we leave room
for dessert?
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486. Shit, I just did this
then minutes ago.
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487. Ah! Harls?
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488. Who has two thumbs to break
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489. and a full set of
teeth to yank out...
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490. This guy!
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491. Mommy, come back.
I'll be a good boy.
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492. Oh, shit. Okay,
so there's that baggage
you were talking about.
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493. I cannot be here
when he wakes up.
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