1. Last season
on Harley Quinn,
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2. my bestie Ivy
was engaged to this lame-o,
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3. but I was in love
with her, too.
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4. Joker got a second acid bath.
I kicked Psycho's ass.
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5. Hard passed Darkseid.
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6. Saved Ivy from her
own wedding and we
drove off into the sunset.
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7. What do you think
we did next, hmm?
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8. Now let's shed those leaves.
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9. Uh, yeah,
I'm Ivy, ooh, yea...
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10. I don't even wear leaves.
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11. Still, ya gotta
respect the hustle.
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12. I mean, they wrote, shot,
and edited this in two weeks
since Psycho blew up our spot.
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13. Was that only two weeks ago?
It feels like so much longer.
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14. I know, right?
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15. - The sign says
"no girls allowed"
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16. Superman's dead dad?
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17. Harlivy? What are you
doing here?
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18. Ooh! Is that our official
celeb couple name?
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19. Ugh, I would have
just gone with "Hivey".
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20. I hadn't said it out loud
before, it looks better
in writing.
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21. Now surrender, fugitives!
Wait, are you watching
a dirty movie?
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22. This is the
Fortress of Solitude!
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23. L-O-L a "dirty movie"?
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24. Uh, relax, we just dropped in
to chill for a bit and eat
all your chips
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25. while Gordon's
looking for us, okay?
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26. Your big, dumb son
says it's okay.
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27. Oh, did he now?
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28. Perhaps we should call him.
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29. - You really don't
have to do that.
- Yeah, don't do that.
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30. Ladies, your honeymoon is over.
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31. Wrong again!
It's just beginning!
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32. C'mon, Hivey, let's bounce.
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33. - Come back here
and face justice!
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34. Wait, did you sign up
for HBO Max?
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35. I already used my free trial!
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36. Shit, shit, shit,
where'd we park? God!
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37. - How does Wonder Woman
keep track of this damn jet?
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38. - Oh! It's right
over there. Yay!
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39. So, what do we do now?
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40. Let the "Eat Bang Kill"
tour begin.
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41. - Come here.
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42. To us, together at last.
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43. Harley and Ivy take over
the fucking world!
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44. - Hello? Hello?
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45. - This is Commissioner Gordon.
Oh, he's on!
He's on! You, you!
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46. This is the IRS
calling, sir,
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47. you have a $90,000 lien
on your house.
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48. How in the he—
is this about my ex-wife?
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49. We're gonna need to confirm
your identity. What's your
credit card number again?
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50. - Oh, life saver!
So, any credit card?
- Gimme, gimme, gimme!
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51. The one with the highest limit.
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52. Okay, let's see.
You ready for the number?
Four-six...
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53. - Charge it to the room.
- Missus and Missus Gordon.
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54. - Ugh.
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55. - Send our regards to whatever
shitty tabloid you work for!
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56. And tell Ben Affleck
I upper-decked his
fancy soda stream!
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57. - Champagne, my queen?
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58. Harls, I gotta tell ya,
this trip you have
planned for us—
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59. Call her by her name.
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60. Right, the "Eat Bang
Kill Tour," is just so sweet,
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61. it's so fun,
and then raunchy...
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62. and then a little scary.
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63. I know, it's going to be
hard to top
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64. punching a bunch of
Buckingham guards
in the dick though.
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65. Oh, oh,
tell me your favorite part.
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66. Um, I really liked walking
through the Queen's
rose garden.
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67. Each rose totally blooming
to her full potential.
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68. I'm like what is
this woman's secret...
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69. It's all about
the sprinkler schedule.
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70. Who said that?
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71. - Queen Elizabeth the second?
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72. - How did she get in here?
- She shoved me in a bag.
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73. Happy two-week anniversary!
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74. Oh, wow, wow, Harls.
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75. - What you... You don't like it?
- No, I do. I do.
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76. I like it.
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77. - It's so pleasurable
to meet you, your majesty.
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78. Aren't people going to be,
like, looking for her?
I just took my bra off.
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79. I gotcha, Ive.
We'll wrap this thing up quick!
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80. Let's commemorate
with an emergency photo shoot.
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81. - Kiss under the missile
for good luck, Ive!
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82. Okay, okay,
I think we got the shot!
Time to lose our tail.
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83. It's been real,
your majesty! Later!
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84. - Watch the— Harley, no!
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85. Yeah, she's got
an invisible parachute.
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86. I am gonna choose
not to question that.
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87. The potholes, the sinkholes,
toxic puddles, super squirrels,
exploding sewers,
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88. haunted crosswalks,
we've got children
driving busses,
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89. pregnant rats on every corner,
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90. it costs $38 to mail a letter—
Personally, I loaded up on
forever stamps in high school,
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91. but not everyone's
smart like that.
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92. - So is that a question or?
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93. If you're elected mayor,
how the hell you gonna
fix all this, Gordon?
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94. Cheryl, you're my lieutenant!
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95. I've got step-kids to feed
and you're blowing
our tax money
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96. on tanks, robocops,
and GCPD branded water bottles.
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97. Eh, we paid for it with
the library tax.
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98. Most people are only in there
to use the bathroom, anyway.
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99. - Why's everybody mad at me?
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100. The biggest existential threat
to Gotham is criminals
like Harley Quinn
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101. and Poison Ivy,
who continue to wreak havoc.
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102. I'll do whatever it takes
to bring them to justice.
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103. Mayor, you have 30 seconds
to respond.
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104. Your police budget
is out of control.
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105. - You're the mayor!
You approved my budget!
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106. - Lame!
- Boo yourself!
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107. Hold on! I've dedicated my life
to trying to keep this
piece of shit city safe!
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108. - You stink!
- Nuh-uh!
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109. Hashtag team Harlivy!
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110. - You suck!
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111. I'll bring Harley and Ivy
to justice, and then
you'll change your tune!
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112. Everyone's gonna be
whistlin' Jimmy Gordon baby!
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113. - Fuck you!
- No, fuck you!
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114. I think that went pretty well.
What do you think?
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115. Can you believe it's been
16 whole days since we've
been together?
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116. I'm sorry,
who's flying this plane?
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117. - It's on autopilot.
Oh, shit, wait, hold on.
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118. - Okay, now it's on autopilot.
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119. I know I've been showering you
with super thoughtful gifts
to an almost exhausting degree,
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120. but get ready 'cause this
next one's gonna
blow your skirt up.
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121. But it's also very chill.
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122. We've been doing all this
intense bad guy fighting,
which you do often enjoy,
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123. but there's this whole other
side to you which is like,
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124. plants! And I love that, too.
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125. Surprise!
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126. Ugh! No! I thought I smelled
stone-age pollen.
Why did you bring me here?
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127. Uh, what?
You built this beautiful place.
It's your baby.
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128. I thought you'd get excited
and maybe we'd mess around
a little bit.
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129. Come on,
let's have sex in your baby!
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130. I— I brought you here
because I thought
it would inspire you.
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131. Harley, it's not inspiring,
it's— It's a total failure.
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132. I... I had this dumb idea
to terraform Earth using
prehistoric plants.
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133. Ah!
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134. You know and then
I called it Edin
with an "I" for Ivy.
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135. That's so cute!
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136. Okay, the name's not great.
But the— But the idea is!
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137. I worked on it for like way
too long, and then I could only
grow this one shitty acre—
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138. Of the most beautiful jungle
anyone's ever seen! My girl!
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139. No, I failed over
and over again.
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140. I designed it, like, ten years
ago, the colors are so dated.
Oh, my God!
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141. I feel like I'm in, like,
an Urban Outfitters
sale section.
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142. Hey. Neon is back!
Some people say
it never went away.
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143. Ivy, you spent the last
two years helping me
with my stupid bullshit
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144. and making chili with your ex.
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145. Yeah. I also died
and was resurrected.
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146. Yes, exactly.
You are a badass evil villain.
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147. You should mold the world
to your vision.
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148. It's time to focus on
what you want.
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149. Since we're here,
it's at least worth
looking around, right?
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150. I mean, the root system
does look pretty strong.
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151. I used to be so into that.
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152. - Okay. Fine.
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153. - We can look around.
But let's make it quick.
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154. - Oh, my God! Babe!
- What? What?
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155. Did the queen find us?
Do we need to finish her off?
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156. Start an
international incident?
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157. I just negotiated
the correct pH in
the groundwater!
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158. Oh, cool, I'm loving
how inspired you are.
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159. Bee-tee-dubs, in case
other people ask me,
what's the wi-fi here?
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160. There's no wi-fi in Edin—
That's like the whole point.
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161. A paradise that reverses
all the damage humans
have done to the environment.
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162. Where ancient plants
can finally bloom
to their full potential!
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163. Totally!
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164. Reclaiming every inch
from toxic factories,
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165. fast food chains.
Bravolebrities!
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166. But not the ones that make
their own wine, right?
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167. I cannot go back to buying
based on the label.
No fucking way.
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168. Just imagine, you and me,
sitting in the sun,
living off the nectars.
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169. We don't have to run from
anybody or bash any heads in.
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170. Um, yeah,
yeah, that is so cool.
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171. You know, I don't need to
bash people's heads in
or have wi-fi.
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172. I can just sit here.
Maybe I'll learn to
talk to flowers or something.
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173. And this mind control device?
Who needs it!
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174. Oh, look at this soil!
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175. The Staghorn fern
is self-propagating,
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176. so if I can get the right
acidity levels...
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177. And then, who knows,
Terraforming could be possible!
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178. Ooh! An unknown number,
maybe it's a telemarketer,
I'd better answer it!
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179. Hello, outside world!
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180. Oh, hey, girl! It's King Shark.
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181. OMG K.S. Bang Bang!
What's happening in Gotham?
Tell me all the hot goss!
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182. Well, funny you should ask,
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183. we're being tortured.
So, how are things with you?
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184. Wait— You're being tortured?
By who?
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185. Oh, I hate to be a spoilsport
but me and Clayface
are incarcerated.
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186. Gordon nabbed us
at the wedding.
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187. He's holding us in Arkham.
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188. But if you're too busy
to rescue us, we understand—
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189. No! We'll be right there!
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190. Ivy! I've got
some terrible news!
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191. So, let's just in and out,
no extra drama.
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192. My seedlings are just
in a crucial stage
and I want to get back ASAP.
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193. Oh, yeah, me, too, can't miss
the crucial seedling stage.
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194. You know, as soon as we make
Gordon pay for messing
with our crew!
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195. Let's skip Arkham
and crash this jet
right into Gordon's house
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196. and slaughter
his entire family!
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197. Honey, I know you haven't
punched anyone in the dick
in two days,
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198. but we have to be
smart about this.
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199. Actually, yesterday there was
a fox that tried to take
a shit too close to me. So...
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200. Gordon could be
using him as bait.
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201. A shark as bait? Ha!
That is so fucked up.
God, you're smart!
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202. This is why we make
a great team.
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203. You with your brilliantly
thought out strategies
and plant goddess superpowers,
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204. and me with...
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205. - You gonna fill that part in?
- What?
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206. Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry.
I was just...
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207. - Your hair looks
really good today.
- I know, right?
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208. The shark found the phone
we planted and called Harley
just like we thought he would.
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209. I bring down Harley and Ivy,
no one's gonna be complaining
about the potholes,
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210. the sinkholes, toxic puddles,
exploding sewers, haunted...
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211. This is torture!
Let me out of here!
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212. Chin up, buddy!
Before you know it,
Harley is going to bust us out.
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213. She better do it soon.
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214. I have an audition in six hours
for the new Thomas Wayne
biographical picture!
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215. "A Hard Wayne's Gonna Fall."
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216. Another movie about
a bipedal billionaire.
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217. And a trashy reboot at that.
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218. Stop it! That puckish auteur
James Gunn,
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219. is spreading his wings
into the horizons of
award season drama!
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220. If you can't make the audition,
why don't you just
submit a tape?
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221. We could just use the phone
that suspiciously showed up
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222. in my French bread
pizza at lunch.
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223. Oh, like now?
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224. Hello. Clayface. Arkham Asylum.
Five to seven feet tall,
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225. or whatever suits the role
of "Thug Number Three."
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226. Willing to shave. Anywhere.
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227. Is this gonna be much longer?
I gotta go pick up
a prescription for my lizard.
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228. Pay dirt!
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229. - Freeze!
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230. I'm getting nervous about
Britney and Kylie's
improv skills with Gordon.
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231. They're trained professionals.
I'm sure they're gonna buy us
at least another five minutes.
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232. Oh, no!
Have we been bad?
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233. Ooh, we need
someone to punish us.
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234. Not Commissioner Gordon!
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235. Ooh, we respect
and fear him so much.
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236. Something about this
doesn't seem right.
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237. Hold on, let's hear them out.
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238. What the? Adult film actresses
Kylie Kryptonite
and Britney Bionic?
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239. - I'm a huge fan!
- Loved you in
the "Drilling Joke."
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240. - Sign my gun?
- Can I get an autograph?
It's for my husband.
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241. Wait. This is where you drugged
and kidnapped me to help me
escape an abusive relationship.
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242. Harlivy!
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243. - Shark face!
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244. You look radiant!
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245. Oh, thanks! We've been doing
a ton of fucking.
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246. To the jet! Quick!
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247. God, I can't believe
I just said that,
that was so lame.
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248. Should I try that again?
You know what, nevermind,
let's just go.
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249. Watch where
you're going, Karen!
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250. Excuse you, bitch!
You just bumped
into Poison Ivy.
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251. One of the premier
supervillains in this world,
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252. newly inspired for some really
cool shit she's working on.
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253. And my BFF GFF slash—
Hottest woman alive.
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254. Supervillain? Ha!
She hasn't done anything
evil in years!
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255. Where the fuck
do you get off? You—
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256. - Come on, Harley, let's go.
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257. - Yeah.
- You're not coming with?
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258. We're gonna jet back to
Edin and continue the important
work we were doing
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259. with the leaves
and measuring them...
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260. Probably having lunch
at some point...
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261. Then maybe,
maybe more leaf inspections...
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262. And you're enjoying that?
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263. Oh, yeah! I love chaos
but I also love plants.
Just like my lady.
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264. Harley, I mean, if you
want to hang with them,
you don't have to come...
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265. Are you kidding?
There's nothing I'd rather do
than listen to bae
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266. talk about chlorophyll
for a couple of weeks.
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267. So I won't be needing these...
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268. The nuclear codes expire
on Tuesday. Miss ya, mean it!
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269. Stop by whenever and also
call me if anything
cool happens
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270. and even anything uncool
happens I don't want
to miss out. Bye!
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271. - Huh?
- Mmm-mmm.
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272. You're what the French
call "Les Incompetents."
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273. - That's a little—
- Losing Harley and Ivy again,
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274. and now half the GCPD
is suspended for the shit
they posted on social media
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275. with pornstars.
I should have your badge!
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276. We'll let the people decide
who's gonna take whose job
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277. when I kick your butt
in the election.
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278. You don't stand
a chance.
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279. Just ask my campaign manager.
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280. - What? How could you
do this to me?
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281. - Do you know what my name is?
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282. - Harvey Dent.
- Right, but my moniker?
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283. Oh!
I still don't get it.
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284. Ooh! Big whoops. Whatevs.
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285. Enjoy your seventh term,
Mr. Mayor!
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286. Just know this open sewer
of a city and its shit problems
are all yours
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287. and I hope you
choke on 'em.
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288. - Stupid squirrel!
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289. Ah, damn kid bus drivers!
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290. Live by the polls,
die by the polls. Poetic.
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291. Good news is
I just became available again.
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292. No!
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293. I just put the tea kettle on,
do you want chamomile
or jasmine?
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294. - What?
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295. - Nothing.
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296. - What is that noise?
- Well, I mean, it is our 18th
day anniversary.
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297. I'll give it to you later.
Actually no,
I'll give it to you now.
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298. - So what is it with you
and, like, bags of people?
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299. Surprise!
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300. Oh, my gosh. Harley!
Do you know who this is?
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301. Yeah, it's the munch
who said you weren't evil!
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302. Let's feed her to a plant
or something!
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303. Give her an unflattering
haircut for her face shape!
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304. Show her you are
the baddest bitch
on the planet!
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305. She's head
of the Suicide Squad.
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306. Oh, so you're Amanda Waller?
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307. Oh, whoa, we need to make
a Gotham yearbook or something.
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308. I know the names but not
the faces, but sometimes
the faces and not the names.
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309. - Harls.
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310. You never returned my emails.
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311. Yeah, thanks for the t-shirts
and all, but the only squad
I'm joining is Cobb.
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312. Yet you still refuse
to get the tattoo.
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313. What's your damage, Waller?
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314. Always perving on supervillains
and putting bombs
in their heads.
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315. You think you're hot shit
but no one's above being
rude to my bae! Now apologize.
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316. You think you can kidnap me
without repercussions?
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317. I eat repercussions
for breakfast!
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318. Harley, why are you stirring up
drama right now?
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319. We are supposed to be checking
mitochondrial reactions.
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320. - This is not drama, okay?
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321. What's she gonna do?
She's wearing a pencil skirt.
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322. You dance with me, you dance
with the entirety of a team
of renegades
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323. who take on the dirty jobs
the U.S. Government
won't even do.
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324. Captain Boomerang.
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325. Killer Croc.
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326. Enchantress.
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327. Deadshot.
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328. Katana.
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329. Together they are,
The Suicide Squad.
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330. Some of the meanest psychos
who are alerted whenever
Amanda Waller
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331. sends out the signal.
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332. Which you did
about two hours ago.
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333. That's pretty cool, eh?
P.R. put it together.
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334. Oh, they want your notes
by end of day. No rush.
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335. Uh, hey! Can I see it?
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336. Oh, sure, yeah,
I'll send you the link.
Right after I kill ya.
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337. You kill us? You didn't even
make the montage!
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338. Where's everybody else?
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339. Oh, uh, P.R. has the A-team
overthrowing a dictator
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340. in Central America. But...
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341. I am Plastique.
And I'm "the bomb."
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342. Oh, fuck me.
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343. Oh, I've got butterflies
of excitement!
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344. Oh, no, I'm going to faint.
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345. Pull yourself together, man!
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346. Do you want to get cast
as Thug Number Three or not?
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347. Yes! Playing a minor character
in a billion-dollar franchise
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348. is every actor's dream!
Copy !req
349. - There we go.
Warm up that instrument.
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350. Keep going. Oh, you definitely
couldn't have done this
alone in the car.
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351. "Quit ya yappin'
or the tooth fairy is gonna
need to do a little, uh...
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352. She's gonna come
and collect her—
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353. Uh, tooth, uh, fee."
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354. I'm sorry,
can I try it a different way?
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355. That was great! No notes!
Thanks so much!
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356. Please, I have
incredible range!
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357. I'm perfect for this role,
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358. but if not,
I can be anyone else.
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359. A shocked bystander?
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360. A lost tourist?
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361. An uncredited limo driver?
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362. I need this job.
I'll lose my SAG insurance
and the screeners!
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363. I use the elaborate boxes
they send them to store
my leftovers.
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364. How will I keep
my egg salad fresh?
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365. That sounds like a you problem.
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366. Thanks for coming out.
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367. You already said that...
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368. Ugh, God.
This chair is killing me.
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369. Can you get me one that doesn't
make my ass fall asleep?
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370. One with lumbar
support perhaps?
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371. Please, James Gunn, sit on me!
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372. Oh. Ooh!
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373. Well, Mister Face,
what would you say to a job
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374. on set as the director's chair?
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375. God, you look like a pile
of shit but you feel like
a pile of clouds!
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376. Bombs away!
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377. Too slow, eh?
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378. - Ivy!
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379. We really shouldn't have given
away all our weapons.
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380. We could use those
nuclear codes about now!
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381. - Here!
- Aww, but I gave that to you
for our three-day anniversary!
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382. Well, eat scepter,
Plastique!
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383. Ouch! God damn it.
Now we get serious!
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384. - Oh, I think I've
heard of Plastique.
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385. She's like a failed Canadian
political terrorist, right?
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386. I didn't know Canada
made terrorists.
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387. Chirp away, hosers!
I almost blew up
a super-soldier lab!
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388. Oh, is that before or after you
stole Carmen Sandiego's coat.
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389. God, you know
I meant that as an insult,
but I do love her.
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390. - Eat ash!
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391. - My ranunculus!
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392. I hope you're ready to be
in a new montage. In Memoriam!
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393. I was born for it!
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394. Oh, hang on, it's gotta, yeah,
it does this little blinkie
thing before it explo—
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395. It's gone.
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396. It's all gone.
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397. I'm so sorry.
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398. Wait! Look, look!
It's not all dead.
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399. Ew!
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400. If I hadn't kidnapped
Amanda Waller none of this
would've happened.
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401. I'm addicted to drama!
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402. It's fine, it's fine, Harley.
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403. Edin was doomed to fail.
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404. No! I saw how happy you were,
tinkering with your shiny trees
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405. and the wet hunks of grass.
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406. And all the green stuff.
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407. Oh. Wow, please never
describe nature again.
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408. Look, there's nothing
I want more than
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409. to terraform the world.
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410. To take it back
from humans, but...
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411. It just can't be done.
At least not by me.
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412. That is bullshit. You can do it
because now... You have me.
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413. Harley, I saw
how bored you were.
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414. It's okay if we don't
do everything together.
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415. Disagree! These last
19-and-a-half days
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416. have been the most
emotionally dope of my life.
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417. I know the Eat Bang Kill Tour
can't go on forever.
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418. So let's get serious.
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419. I am all in!
I want what you want.
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420. Please let me help you
see your beautiful evil
plot through.
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421. Please, let's plant
some shit, please?
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422. You really think
I can do this, peanut?
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423. Yes! Totally! Partners in crime
in every sense of the word.
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424. - BFFs GFFs, right?
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425. Harley and Ivy
take over the fucking world!
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426. I'll put on the tea kettle.
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427. Happy 19th-day anniversary.
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