Haha, You Clowns 1x8

Directed by

Cheri Oteri as Brianne (voice)

The boys try to set Dad up on a date to find love.

Request examples:

!req Haha, You Clowns 1x8 [02:32]
!req Haha, You Clowns 1x8 [Haha, You Clowns 1x8]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Haha, You Clowns 1x8 [10-11]; !req Haha, You Clowns 1x8 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. My Lord and Savior

2. Let us prepare our hearts and extend peace to one another.

3. Please greet your neighbor.

4. - Peace be with you. - Peace be with you.

5. Peace be with you.

6. May the blessing of Almighty God,

7. the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit

8. come upon you all and remain with you forever.

9. Amen.

10. Enemy spotted, nine o'clock.

11. My nine o'clock, my nine o'clock.

12. Setting alarm for nine o'clock.

13. Lexi, off.

14. Lexi must have heard Mom's spirit whispering again.

15. Help, I'm pinned, dudes, pinned.

16. Darshan, we need your coordinates.

17. Help, Jesus, help. I— Help!

18. Darshan's village has the worst internet provider.

19. Darshan's a sitting duck.

20. I got eyes, I got eyes.

21. - Who is this? - Target down.

22. - What's going on over there? - Another down.

23. Save some of the action for us, BriBri0054—

24. You boys might want to fall back.

25. Holy moly, it's the Fourth of July.

26. I've got Darshan here, but he's barely holding on.

27. Duncan, med kit, stat.

28. Save yours, sweetheart. I'm a registered nurse.

29. A nurse who knows her way around a sniper rifle.

30. Okay, I've officially seen it all now.

31. Well, I guess you could say I've had a lot of time on my hands lately.

32. So, are you retired, or...?

33. I'm on disability.

34. Like in a wheelchair?

35. Shit, you boys are a riot.

36. So then BriBri picked off this guy on the water tower

37. and saved Darshan's butt once again.

38. She was like...

39. Sounds like the D-Man will live to fight another day.

40. Yeah, all thanks to BriBri.

41. BriBri's so funny.

42. With a laugh that could make the world sing, Dad.

43. I see.

44. There's something special about this one, Dad.

45. I can feel it.

46. I know it's been hard on you boys

47. ever since Mom passed away.

48. We just want the best for you, Dad.

49. We got Dad's date all planned out.

50. Picture this, Jeanette.

51. A romantic candlelit dinner.

52. All the fixings.

53. And we're making Dad's favorite dish.

54. Beef minestrone.

55. Mom's signature dish.

56. Dad's gonna cry so hard.

57. How did you meet this woman again?

58. Call to the Battalion.

59. I'm reminded of the time when I won the 2004

60. World Trick Shot Championship.

61. Wow, that's huge, Jeanette.

62. Before I knew it, all of Hollywood's leading men

63. were banging down my door for a date.

64. - No way. - I need names.

65. Taye Diggs.

66. You went on a date with Taye Diggs?

67. He said he was a pool enthusiast, so I figured, why not?

68. Why not, she says.

69. And I must say he was an absolute gentleman.

70. He even took a salsa class because he knew I liked to dance.

71. Taye making us all look bad.

72. And let me tell you, you haven't danced

73. until you've danced on the rooftop of Taye Diggs' penthouse.

74. The views were breathtaking.

75. That's incredible.

76. So where's the rock?

77. Turns out pool was the only thing we had in common.

78. - Jeanette, I'm so sorry. - I was fine.

79. I had other men lined up around the block.

80. Anthony LaPaglia...

81. The point is,

82. people might seem like a good fit in the beginning,

83. but just be careful.

84. Well, I think the fellas and I are a pretty good judge of character.

85. I mean, she's a nurse.

86. And BriBri, we're thinking tres leches for dessert.

87. - So come hungry. - Lower level secured.

88. - Heading to the stairwell. - BriBri, do you have any food allergies

89. we should know about before your date?

90. Oh God, you know what?

91. The world needs more boys like you three, you know that?

92. Well, we aim to please, BriBri.

93. I too am very, very excited for your date.

94. Darshan, floor two is clear, correct?

95. I will send you my mother's chutney recipe.

96. It is very, very good.

97. BriBri!

98. God damn it, Darshan! You said you cleared the second floor!

99. - Duncan, med kit! - You're a filthy liar, Darshan!

100. I mean, his internet's kind of laggy, BriBri.

101. He didn't mean to hurt you.

102. Boys, there are bad people in this world.

103. Dangerous people.

104. Promise me you'll never lie to me. Promise.

105. We will never lie to you, BriBri.

106. We must protect BriBri at all costs.

107. Looks like a couple more minutes.

108. Knife and fork on the right?

109. Wait, no, on the left.

110. Crap, she's here!

111. Is it right or left, guys?

112. Duncan, look at me.

113. She's going to love it.

114. I just want everything to be perfect for BriBri.

115. Well, mission accomplished then, because this spread looks amazing.

116. Places, everyone.

117. Hey, did somebody call for backup?

118. Why, hello.

119. Nice to meet you, Brianne.

120. - The boys have told me so much about you. - Please,

121. call me BriBri.

122. Okay, then. BriBri.

123. Where are our manners?

124. Please, won't you come inside?

125. Well, I feel underdressed.

126. Long story short, enemy fire from all directions, right?

127. And here I am lugging around a howitzer at crawl speed.

128. - I'm like, what? - Oh, God, I remember that.

129. Keep in mind, we forgot the bullets in the busted-up T-34.

130. Christ, that's right.

131. Well, that's why I was dragging the freaking thing in the first place.

132. Oh, gosh.

133. God, that's hilarious.

134. Dad, what was that joke you said on air the other day?

135. - That's good, that's good. - You know what's a joke?

136. Me hauling a one-ton artillery weapon up a hillside.

137. I'm sure it was, BriBri.

138. Dad, what was that joke? It's killing me.

139. Dad's the weatherman.

140. This guy can rattle off sidesplitters like no one else.

141. God, it's killing me now.

142. Well, we'd been getting a lot of humidity,

143. so one day I just said,

144. "I've been in swimming pools drier than this."

145. I don't believe in weathermen.

146. So, BriBri, the boys tell me you used to be a nurse.

147. I'm still a nurse, like I told you.

148. - I think what our dad's trying to say is— - I don't want to hear about the weather.

149. Everyone's always lying about the weather.

150. The weather is partly cloudy.

151. Turn it off! Those things are tracking me!

152. Oh, Lexi? Nah.

153. She probably just heard our mom whispering again.

154. Your mom whispering?

155. I'm not sure if we mentioned this to you before, BriBri.

156. Our mom passed away not too long ago.

157. So the fellas and I use humor as a way of coping.

158. Just a silly little joke.

159. BriBri, tres leches, are you in?

160. I knew I felt a presence the minute I stepped foot in this house.

161. - Wait, seriously? - Yes.

162. I can detect her spirit hovering right in this area here.

163. Hey, she must really like your cooking, am I right, boys?

164. We're eating one of Mom's favorite dishes right now.

165. It's okay, Dad.

166. Let it out.

167. Angels talk to me all the time.

168. I would have said something earlier, but most people think I'm crazy.

169. We would never think you're crazy, BriBri.

170. On a happier note,

171. I think that's your mom telling us to play some Call to the Battalion.

172. I've got to admit, you're one hell of a woman, BriBri.

173. Whoa, let's move out, fellas.

174. Hey, BriBri, can you scooch over a smidge?

175. It's a little tough to see back here.

176. Here, BriBri, take a seat.

177. - I can't sit. Your TV sucks dick. - What was that?

178. I got eyes! I got eyes! I'm taking the shot!

179. Yeah! You like that, dude?

180. All right! Darshan with the headshot!

181. D-Man! My dog!

182. God damn it! I said I had the shot! Are you deaf, Darshan?

183. BriBri says, "Drop and give me 20, soldier."

184. Take a fucking English class, Darshan! Fuck!

185. Enemy fire! Enemy fire!

186. BriBri, Darshan is on our team!

187. Here comes Mama!

188. Darshan, take a power step! Quickly! She's right behind you!

189. Whoa, whoa, BriBri! BriBri!

190. We're on your team! We're on your team!

191. - A team of liars! - All right, pack your bags.

192. Why do you insist everyone is lying?

193. No one is lying to you, BriBri.

194. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

195. You have a visitor at the front entrance.

196. - Don't let him in! Don't let him in! - Don't let who in, BriBri?

197. Boys, boys, boys! Don't let him in!

198. Duncan, secure the game room!

199. - I'll secure the foyer! - Protect me!

200. You promised to protect me!

201. - You promised! - I got eyes! I got eyes!

202. Can I help you?

203. Hey, I'm here to pick up my wife.

204. God damn it!

205. I just want to say again, you've done nothing wrong.

206. I mean, the woman is clearly detached from reality.

207. - Yeah, we noticed something was off. - You noticed something was off?

208. No, I believe you. Trust me, I believe you.

209. The woman is a complete fabricator of lies, you know?

210. She enters a relationship with the mindset of, you know,

211. - "What can I gain from this person?" - That's unfortunate.

212. You know, "How can I exploit this person?"

213. - Right. - She's a master manipulator.

214. I liken her to the evil psychic from Puppet Master,

215. you know, played by Jimmie Skaggs.

216. You guys familiar with that franchise?

217. The late Jimmie Skaggs, I should say.

218. Jimmie Skaggs plays this evil psychic who uses his ability to control people.

219. Kind of like a puppet master.

220. Abuses his power, I should say.

221. Okay, yeah, we'll definitely check it out.

222. It's good. It's interesting.

223. Well, is there anything else we can do?

224. Just keep the authorities out of this.

225. I think she just really wanted to game with you guys.

226. You know, she's a little crazy, but she means well.

227. You know, her heart's in the right place.

228. Hey, her brain may not be all there, but her heart's in the right place.

229. - Dad, we had no idea that she was— - Listen, I get it.

230. I think we all miss Mom.

231. And I admit, this household has felt a little out of step

232. since she passed away.

233. But we still have each other,

234. and that's the most important thing.

235. She may be gone, but she still lives on...

236. in here and here.

237. I can feel her, Dad.

238. It's warm like Mom's beef minestrone.

239. I think you boys have some bad guys to kill.

240. I'll clean up.

241. I think we've played enough Call to the Battalion for one night.

242. Unless...

243. Lexi, play American Sniper official soundtrack!

244. Playing American Sniper official soundtrack.