Haha, You Clowns 1x5

Directed by

Sean Astin as Sean Astin (voice)

Duncan struggles to hide his fear of holding babies.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. So, who do you think Valerie is gonna give the award for best smile to this time?

2. Well, I've been flossing twice a day, so it should be me.

3. Yeah, but I've been using the toothbrush she recommended.

4. Okay, what are we getting into today? Just a clean?

5. - You're not our dental hygienist. - Where's Valerie?

6. Actually, Valerie's gone into labor.

7. - We're all very happy for her. - Excuse us.

8. You've been very sweet, but please move.

9. Valerie had a baby. Come on, Dad. We're moving out.

10. It's the Campbell boys. Come on in.

11. - You know the Campbell boys. - We come bearing gifts.

12. Oh my God! You all are too much.

13. Funny, usually I'm the one in the chair.

14. Yeah, think I could squeeze in a quick teeth clean while I'm here?

15. This is the only patient I plan on seeing today, boys.

16. Oh my God. What a little sweetheart. He's got a good latch.

17. Y'all plan on introducing formula at any point?

18. - Handsome little guy. - Yeah, you sure he's yours, Jeff?

19. Goddamn. Nothing like that new baby smell, right?

20. Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.

21. He's gonna have a good set of teeth, I can tell you that.

22. But for real, God broke the mold when he made you.

23. You all look like naturals.

24. You know what? I had a small breakfast this morning.

25. Anybody else need anything from the vending machine?

26. Your Gardetto's can wait, Duncan.

27. - Jeff? - Here, Duncan.

28. - Just watch the head. - The head?

29. - Just prop up the head. - Right, the head.

30. Slippery little fella, huh?

31. Yeah, nothing like that new baby smell. Oh, yeah. It's kind of sour.

32. You just don't wanna be away from mommy too long, huh?

33. He's got more hair than you, Jeff.

34. Can you believe that, though?

35. So we said, "If you're not gonna throw a baby welcoming party...

36. then we are."

37. I wanna meet your dental hygienist's baby.

38. Yeah, well, I mean, you don't know her like we do, so...

39. He's gonna have a good set of teeth, I can tell you that.

40. That's so adorable.

41. What's your favorite thing about him, Duncan?

42. I like his...

43. bloody...

44. chopped-off umbilical cord.

45. Oh, I got it.

46. - Shark in the water. - Shark! Shark!

47. - And so, it's like that, huh? - What can I say? I'm a busy guy.

48. - Can I help you, Duncan? - Hey, Jeanette. Hey, Sean Astin.

49. Yeah, so I've got this friend, and he gets really nervous around babies.

50. Like, he'll start shaking and everything.

51. I think he's just really scared he might drop it or something.

52. Sounds like you've got a case of the yips.

53. - That obvious, huh? - Can't out-act an actor, kid.

54. You know, I'm reminded of the time I played my first Calgary Invitational.

55. - Oh God, when was that, '02? - '02.

56. I mean, I've got the eight ball perfectly lined up.

57. What could go wrong, right?

58. Well, as I'm about to take my shot, I look up,

59. and I see Sean standing right behind the corner pocket.

60. I guess you were in town shooting a film?

61. Yeah, Canada offers some great tax incentives

62. - to shoot up there. - Oh, nice.

63. I could barely focus. I was lost in those deep green eyes.

64. I knew then and there, I had met my soulmate.

65. Our spirits eternally interwoven.

66. Well, anyway, when you're a top athlete, you train for moments like those.

67. You learn to visualize the outcome.

68. You didn't drop it.

69. That's just because it's a beach ball, Jeanette.

70. Precisely. It's all about how you see it. That's visualization.

71. Just a beach ball.

72. That's good, that's good,

73. 'cause then that frees up space for the baby gifts.

74. Cool, I'm down with that.

75. I can run to Party Planet if you wanna grab

76. that box of decorations from the attic, Duncan.

77. Oh, yeah, sure thing, fellas.

78. Yeah, this is good. This is gonna work.

79. Yeah, you're not so tough.

80. There you go. Uncle Duncan's got you.

81. Yeah, you like that?

82. Yeah, you are hungry. Straight from the tap.

83. - Hey, Duncan, you need help up there? - No, I got it. Thanks.

84. - Right behind you. - How we looking on those sliders, Tristan?

85. Just waiting on the garnish.

86. I think that's good, Duncan. Thank you.

87. All right, these puppies are ready.

88. - Hello, everyone. - There he is, the man of the hour.

89. Look, Ava, a baby.

90. Thought you'd appreciate the theme.

91. Oh my God. Pin the tooth on the baby. That is too cute.

92. Oh, how wonderful.

93. We had the same monitor for Ava, and we absolutely loved it.

94. And look, Jeff, we can stream to our phones.

95. Might need that monitor for Jeff.

96. Make sure he's not blowing all your money playing online poker again.

97. There are 52 cards in a deck, but with jokers, it's 54.

98. Wow, she's so advanced.

99. - Oh, gosh, who's this one from? - Oh, wow.

100. I think that's gonna take two people to open.

101. Duncan, could you be a doll and hold Jonah for me?

102. Had one too many mimosas there, Jeff? Jesus Christ!

103. Just two seconds, Duncan.

104. Thanks.

105. It's all about how you see it. That's visualization.

106. Upsy-daisy.

107. Upsy-daisy.

108. Just a beach ball.

109. Upsy-daisy.

110. Canada offers great tax incentives.

111. Duncan, the head!

112. - I'm so sorry. - Duncan!

113. - Baby Jonah was just checking in on you. - What happened?

114. You just fainted. And don't worry, Jonah is fine.

115. Jeff actually stepped in, and saved the day.

116. I'll let you boys talk. I should get back to the party.

117. - Love you, babe. - Love you.

118. You know, Duncan, holding babies for the first time

119. - can be a scary thing. - It was that obvious, huh?

120. Hey, it happens to the best of us. Look at me.

121. I've done two tours in Afghanistan, I've seen my buddies lose limbs,

122. but nothing could have prepared me for dad life.

123. - Hey, we got laughs in here? - A hat inside?

124. What, were you raised in a barn, Jeff?

125. How you feeling, Duncan?

126. - You feeling okay? - I'm fine.

127. But I feel like a complete failure.

128. I mean, I look at you guys, and you're so great with kids.

129. What's wrong with me?

130. Duncan, if we're great with kids, then it's all thanks to you.

131. Me?

132. I remember the first time we laid eyes on you.

133. - You were so tiny. - You looked like a little cherry tomato.

134. You were in the ICU.

135. We had to wait a whole two days to hold you.

136. - Really? - Longest two days of my life.

137. But the moment Mom placed you in our arms,

138. and you flashed us with those big baby blues,

139. it was love at first sight.

140. Yeah, we told the doc, "Okay, we'll keep this one."

141. Oh, God.

142. Ava, Ava, come here.

143. Ava's been working super hard on a little drawing

144. to make you feel better.

145. You wanna show Duncan your drawing, Ava?

146. Oh, wow. This is incredible. Good job, Ava.

147. Kids are incredible, aren't they? They never cease to amaze me.

148. Sounds like the welcoming party's a success.

149. Yeah, we should all probably head down there.

150. Who's ready to play pin the tooth on the baby?

151. What? That doesn't go there. That doesn't go there, does it?

152. - All right. Scooch in just a tad bit more. - Okay.

153. - That's perfect. - This is gonna be great.

154. Now, Duncan, make your head go super limp.

155. - How's this? - Oh my God. That's great.

156. The timer's starting now.