Haha, You Clowns 1x1

Directed by

Dax Flame as Will /Gentle Sir /Officer #1 (voice) • Jeanette Lee as Black Widow (voice) • Kirsten Cappa as Katie (voice) • Kent Reed as Captain, Sarge, Executive Officer (voice) • June Squibb as Dory, Ruth (voice)

The boys try to figure out why Dad can't stay awake during movie night.

Request examples:

!req Haha, You Clowns 1x1 [02:32]
!req Haha, You Clowns 1x1 [Haha, You Clowns 1x1]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Haha, You Clowns 1x1 [10-11]; !req Haha, You Clowns 1x1 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. You sure you want to stay?

2. My home is here now.

3. Aw!

4. Never forget what happened here today.

5. - Today is all we have. - Today is all we have.

6. Oh, and Will.

7. - Yep. - One last thing.

8. No more wamituktuk. Okay?

9. - Wamituktuk. - Wamituktuk.

10. Yes, Dad loves the movie.

11. It's just amazing what they can do

12. with special effects these days.

13. How you doing on pop, Dad? Pretzel?

14. - Uh, it's a long story. - Shut up and kiss me.

15. Okay, I'm turning in.

16. Very funny, Dad.

17. Dad, there's, like, five minutes.

18. Uh. The weather waits for no one.

19. Popcorn, what can I get you?

20. Uh, gotta be in the news station bright and early tomorrow.

21. - Have fun, kids. - Dad!

22. Good movie.

23. Dad seriously hasn't been the same since Mom passed away.

24. And if you look right here,

25. we got sunshine all the way through the weekend into Monday.

26. This is gonna be my workout for today.

27. Yeah, remember to stay hydrated, guys.

28. Duncan, are those Mom's prized petunias?

29. I know she liked them in those planters,

30. but I thought they might do better over on this side.

31. The western sun can pack a punch,

32. but fortune favors the bold.

33. Just please remember to water them, Duncan.

34. I think Mom will be tickled.

35. The Black Widow strikes again.

36. Oh, hi, boys.

37. I'm just recreating my gold-medal-winning run

38. at the 2001 World Games in Japan.

39. Aw, kudos, Jeanette. Good on you for sticking at it.

40. A shark never sleeps.

41. I wish our Dad was a shark.

42. Yeah, Dad's been super zonked, lately.

43. He just never stays up for movie nights anymore.

44. You know who gets super zonked watching movies?

45. - No. - Sean Penn.

46. Wait, you know Sean Penn?

47. Very well. I'm reminded of a pool tournament

48. in Dubai, actually.

49. Sean was hiding from the paparazzi in my hotel room.

50. Okay, so what is the paparazzi exactly?

51. They were trying to snap a salacious photo

52. of the two of us for the tabloids, but we were just really close friends.

53. - Okay. - All night we waited

54. for the precise moment Sean could sneak out of my room.

55. Of course, the longer we waited, the worse it looked.

56. Oh, my God.

57. Now, Sean was notorious for zonking out.

58. Just like Dad.

59. And we only had Dubai TV channels to entertain us.

60. This is just getting better and better.

61. Just when Sean was about to zonk out,

62. his all-time favorite movie came on the TV,

63. Lawrence of Arabia.

64. I just got goose pimples.

65. Long story even longer, Sean finished his film,

66. evaded the tabloids, and stayed happily married to Robin Wright

67. for another seven years, who I'm also friends with.

68. We still laugh about it to this day.

69. Long story even longer.

70. So, if we play Dad's favorite movie—

71. He'll stay up with us.

72. It's worth a shot.

73. All right, Jeanette!

74. Enemy fleet, fast approaching.

75. Down, Periscope.

76. Good, Periscope.

77. They sure don't make 'em like they used to.

78. - Right, Dad? - A classic.

79. The Captain can't seem to catch a break, huh, Dad?

80. Yeah, I think I read

81. he passed away not too long ago, actually.

82. But, uh...

83. But he's funny as hell in this movie, I can tell you that right now.

84. My dearest wife.

85. A man is not meant for these cold, dark waters.

86. How I miss thee.

87. How I long for your warm embrace,

88. your soft lips, your supple melons.

89. Melons, Christ.

90. All right, I'm not sure if I wanna stick around

91. - for this. - What? No, Dad, he was referring

92. - to actual melons. - Uh-huh.

93. It's not sex, Dad. She's literally holding melons.

94. - It's not intercourse, Dad. - Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

95. Okay, all right.

96. Can someone please explain to me what just happened?

97. I don't know, but I'm gonna make this right.

98. You can bet your bottom dollar on that.

99. Whoa!

100. I'm sure he wants to stay up.

101. Sometimes us wrinkly fuddy-duddies

102. have trouble finishing movies.

103. Ain't that the truth?

104. Wrinkly fuddy-duddies?

105. If I look half as good as you two ladies at your age,

106. I'm gonna be thanking my lucky stars.

107. Here we go.

108. Why can't young men be more like you, Preston?

109. Something tells me this gentleman has a story to tell, ladies.

110. Jalapeño popper?

111. Wow, that's quite a shirt you have on.

112. - Oh, thank you. - And look at that, Dory.

113. The design wraps all the way around.

114. Ruth, you sew! What— How do they even do that?

115. Oh, they must have printed on the fabric first.

116. Then they sew the garment together after.

117. So what's the "Terror Within?"

118. Terror Within?

119. Oh, it's like the grand daddy of horror movies.

120. First time I saw Terror Within, I didn't sleep for like a week.

121. Very interesting.

122. Didn't sleep for a whole week, you say?

123. They're on sale for 7.99.

124. "The Terror Within. Agatha, a convict on the run,

125. seeks out her reclusive mother

126. in hopes of tracking down her missing daughter.

127. Journeying into the mouth of hell,

128. Agatha will stop at nothing,

129. even if that means confronting her terrifying past."

130. Dad's gonna be too scared to sleep for a whole month.

131. And it says here, "It's a horrifying examination

132. - of intergenerational trauma." - That's amazing.

133. And The San Francisco Times says,

134. "It's a modern-day retelling of Little Red Riding Hood."

135. Penny for your thoughts, Duncan.

136. Or do you just have petunias in there?

137. We could always try another one of Dad's favorite movies.

138. Duncan, if you're too scared, we can totally watch something else.

139. - No, I'm— I'm not scared. - Seriously, Duncan.

140. - Seriously, I'm not scared. - Hold up.

141. Duncan is scared of watching Terror Within.

142. - True or false? - False.

143. Duncan's not scared. False alarm.

144. And come hungry,

145. I got everyone's favorite ice cream for tonight.

146. Peanut butter swirl for Tristan.

147. Chocolate macadamia crunch for Duncan.

148. Did you get Dad's cookies 'n' cream? He'll only eat cookies 'n' cream.

149. It's all under control, Duncan.

150. The last thing I want you guys to do is worry.

151. That's my job.

152. Here, take this if you get too scared.

153. The truth is, Tristan, I am scared.

154. I'm scared of this family falling apart.

155. It's the only way.

156. Honey?

157. Who are you? What— Where am I?

158. Wow.

159. Was last night that forgettable?

160. I like Nabeela.

161. She's just what Agatha needs right now.

162. So, is that Agatha's friend?

163. Dang, Dad. You cleaned your bowl.

164. Mm. You'll have to give me the recipe.

165. Yum, yum, yum. Mm.

166. You're not making any sense, Agatha.

167. Where are you?

168. - I have to go. - Agatha!

169. Think fast.

170. - Dad's firing torpedoes tonight. - Down, Periscope.

171. Give me a doggy treat.

172. Pass the pig skin. I'm open.

173. Don't you mean pass the melon?

174. Interception by Preston!

175. Mom, is that you?

176. Preston Hail Marys to Dad!

177. Wamituktuk, wamituktuk!

178. Dad!

179. Eat shit!

180. - Boys, I'm so sorry. - No, Dad, we need to apologize.

181. Oh, my God, Dad, you did nothing wrong.

182. We're the ones that made you stay up.

183. - Huh? - I'll take the heat, fellas.

184. The scary movie was my brilliant idea.

185. As for the ice cream,

186. I secretly laced Dad's bowl with pre-workout powder.

187. For an extra boost of energy.

188. It's like I need a movie night to work so badly

189. that I'll stop at nothing.

190. But I'm the eldest.

191. And I should have been leading by example.

192. - I killed Mom's petunias. - Killed Mom's petunias?

193. You bonked your head, Duncan? I've never seen 'em so hearty.

194. Those are fakes. I over-watered the real ones.

195. I wanted to make you guys proud.

196. But I'm as phony as those silk petunias out back.

197. The worst part is, I made Mom upset.

198. Hogwash. If your mother was still alive,

199. she'd be proud of all you boys. I know I am.

200. Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I can tell you that.

201. The truth is, I miss your mom so much it hurts.

202. But I'm reminded of her every day when I look into each one of your faces.

203. I've made a real mess of movie night, haven't I?

204. I don't know.

205. The green blob kind of enhances the movie, actually.

206. We find out the green blob is actually zombie blood or something.

207. They should rename the movie "Dad, the Zombie Killer."

208. Back in Mom's good graces, I see.

209. Congratulations. For accomplishing your mission,

210. you've been promoted to Chief Corporal Officer.

211. The insectoids are attacking our base.

212. Will you fight with us?

213. Today is all we have.

214. Oh, he's gone past this way!

215. Shoot him! Shoot him for me!

216. - Fall back! Fall back! - Don't let him escape!

217. Come on, get 'em! Get 'em.