Grandfathered 1x9

1. Bruce? Oh, hey. Good news.

2. A certain dead possum will no longer

3. be terrorizing your house with its stench.

4. You got it out? Yes.

5. Oh, my hero. Mm.

6. Hey, what'd you think of that, uh, sexy photo I texted you?

7. I think my "wowzers" text spoke for itself.

8. Well, uh, would you ever consider...

9. sending one back?

10. Uh, yeah.

11. You're gonna get one, baby. Oh.

12. And then you and some guy at the NSA are going to be quite happy.

13. Okay.

14. Hey, I parked on the street.

15. What's the gang situation in Pasadena? Whoa.

16. Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. Sorry.

17. No. Not at all. No, I've actually been holding in

18. a number one for as long as this racehorse can.

19. So giddyup!

20. To the bathroom.

21. He seems great.

22. He is great.

23. Harmless, pale,

24. apparently has a weak stream. What?

25. I'm here. I hear nothing. I haven't started yet!

26. He hasn't started yet. Jimmy, why are you here?

27. I'm employing our son. A job opened up at the restaurant.

28. It was a happy accident. Well, not really happy.

29. Javier took a champagne cork to the eye.

30. At close range. It was a total bloodbath.

31. Okay. I'm-I'm in the middle of something here right now.

32. The point is, it hit me like a...

33. well, like, a champagne cork that if I employ Gerald,

34. he'll have some dough and he'll finally be able

35. to step outside of that guesthouse.

36. He's hardly ever in the guesthouse.

37. All right, well, I need to talk to him. Where is he?

38. Uh, he could be anywhere.

39. Where? He's in the guesthouse.

40. Hmm.

41. What's the best boarding method to load passengers

42. on the plane fastest, Edie?

43. Is it, uh, back to front?

44. Window seats first? Zones?

45. Zones. Zones.

46. You're funny when you try to be, Edie.

47. Hey, kids.

48. Son, big day for you. Hey.

49. Stand up.

50. Oh, God. Sit back down.

51. Your-your thing's coming out of the thing.

52. Oh, sorry. Guess what.

53. A job opened up at the restaurant.

54. That's great. And it's all yours.

55. No, thanks. What do you mean "no, thanks"?

56. What, you got something better going on?

57. Oh, yeah. Uh, today I've been working

58. on an airplane boarding simulator to figure out

59. the fastest way to load in passengers. It's for Boeing.

60. More like "boring." Right, Edie?

61. Go play, Mama. Go play.

62. Well, that's-that's good news. When did Boeing hire you?

63. Oh, they didn't. Yeah, it's an Internet contest.

64. Winner gets a trophy. Well, not a real trophy.

65. A icon of a trophy that goes right by your username.

66. But it dances. Gerald, I haven't complained

67. about your lifestyle the whole time I've known you.

68. You've only known me two months.

69. Also, you've complained the whole time.

70. Don't you want a real job?

71. Your definition of a real job is outdated.

72. I mean, what's a real job?

73. For starters, a-a job that requires you to wear pants

74. where your doo-dah isn't falling out.

75. I like having my days free for Edie.

76. And, you know, I got a couple apps that might take off.

77. And in the meantime, I make enough money selling my DNA

78. to really loving lesbian couples.

79. You think you have enough money

80. 'cause you live in your mom's guesthouse.

81. Don't you want to live in the real world?

82. Come on, son, come to work with me and-and see

83. what it's like to make an honest $9.75. No, thanks.

84. $10.50. It's not about that.

85. $11. I'm not bargaining.

86. Name your price. $16.

87. $16. Fine. No, thanks.

88. That was fun though. Is that what people do in the real job world?

89. Just think about it, will you?

90. And for God's sake, sit back down.

91. Oh.

92. Hey, where are the condoms? I'm not seeing them.

93. Second drawer! Behind the allergy medicine.

94. Found 'em! Ooh! New brand!

95. This'll be fun!

96. Yep, I got to move out of here.

97. All right, team, our parking lot recently got split

98. with Bistro 6. How's that working out, Annelise?

99. It's bad. Valet service is taking forever.

100. Last night, a couple broke up and got back together

101. before their car pulled up.

102. You need to do something. Mm. All right,

103. I'll put my best man on it. Annelise, take care of it.

104. All right, so, on a brighter note,

105. we have a new host. Chip, come on up here.

106. Chip, everybody.

107. He's part of the family now,

108. so let's treat him right, huh?

109. Hey. Uh, sorry to interrupt.

110. I was just wondering, is that job still available?

111. Yes. Chip, we gave it a try. It just wasn't a good fit.

112. Everybody, Chip.

113. Hey, what made you change your mind?

114. Oh, you did, you know?

115. You made a lot of good points.

116. And then Mom and Bruce sort of...

117. hammered it home. Great.

118. I love this! You're following in my footsteps. Yeah.

119. I always wanted to call the place Jimmy & Son,

120. but I just never wanted a son. All right, come on.

121. Let's talk about what it means to be a host.

122. Well, yeah, I'm not really sure if hosting is my thing.

123. But I made a little mind map of all my talents and passions.

124. Thought we could look at it

125. and really see where I could soar.

126. "Gerald Kingsley." Visual diagram

127. that relates to your skills and your experiences.

128. Son, hosting is in your blood.

129. I mean, I made it as a front-of-the-house guy,

130. and so could you; you're half of me.

131. At the end of the day, it's just about schmoozing.

132. Watch. Hey, Shelby,

133. you look beautiful tonight.

134. Hey, uh, Black Tie, I like how bald you are.

135. We'll get there.

136. What is this?

137. Oh. Well, you've never seen the Pre-Shift Shuffle?

138. It's how I rally the troops.

139. I do a little dance, some comedy.

140. Lately, I've been flavoring it with a little bit

141. of light magic. Oh, excuse me,

142. I got a little... quarter...

143. Wait, where the hell did it go?

144. Ravi, a word. Yeah.

145. Have some dignity, man.

146. This is how I roll, okay? You might think I'm a degenerate...

147. I'm not saying you're a degenerate.

148. No, I'm sorry, can you let me finish?

149. You might think I'm a degenerate,

150. but I'm more like Ellen DeGeneres.

151. That was not worth it. Yeah.

152. You're the head chef, Ravi.

153. Your own staff thinks you're a fool.

154. Get it together.

155. Why are you eating

156. your sandwich so weird?

157. Uh... weird?

158. Or erotic and mysterious?

159. Oh, honey, no.

160. You're trying to take a sexy photo for your man?

161. Yes. He asked for one, and I want to do it.

162. He never asks me for anything.

163. But I-I am clueless.

164. The sexiest picture I have is a caricature

165. of me from the Venice Boardwalk.

166. And I'm eating a tuna sandwich in that, too.

167. Okay. Um, Don't worry.

168. Mama's here. Let me see what you got.

169. This is what my life has come to,

170. showing my breasts to my granddaughter's mother

171. to impress my boyfriend.

172. I meant let me see the photo.

173. Right, right, right.

174. Huh?

175. I'll put on a pot of coffee.

176. What?

177. Aw! That bad?

178. I'd like to personally thank you all

179. for coming to this meeting today.

180. We had to. Victor.

181. It's a very special day here at the restaurant.

182. Are we getting health insurance? Even better!

183. Today is Gerald's first day as host.

184. Who is Gerald? Victor.

185. I even sent Gerald to my personal tailor, Enzo,

186. for his own bespoke suit.

187. What is that? That... Enzo didn't make that suit.

188. Yeah. I went to Bob's Suit Outlet instead.

189. Similar quality at a price that makes Enzo look like a crook.

190. You'll never guess how cheap it was.

191. No, I-I think I would. Guess.

192. $37.50.

193. You're a good guesser.

194. Wasn't that funny.

195. You sure you want to give the most visible

196. front-of-house job to Gerald?

197. Yes. He's following in his father's footsteps.

198. He'll be fine. He'll learn.

199. Best way to learn is to throw him into the deep end.

200. Remember your first day on the job?

201. You showed up wearing that red...

202. I don't even know what it was.

203. It was a pantsuit, and I'm wearing it right now.

204. Ahead of its time is what it was.

205. And how are we this evening?

206. Hosting is in his DNA. Watch.

207. Wonderful. How are you?

208. Marvelous, thank you.

209. Actually,

210. I'm a little bummed, I guess.

211. Oh? What-what happened?

212. Nothing. Nothing, really.

213. It's actually a really good day.

214. Just sometimes, I get a little blue, no reason at all.

215. It'll pass. Or not.

216. What do you recommend between the lamb chops and foie gras?

217. Ooh. Well, I mean, one's a murdered baby.

218. The other one's a tortured adult, but...

219. I'm sure they're both delicious.

220. This is coming from a place of love.

221. That bra is a disaster. Lose it.

222. This is a Sassy and Sensible. No, I'm not taking my bra off.

223. Would it help if I take mine off?

224. For the third time, no, it will not help.

225. CJ, can you check on that broccoli soufflé?

226. I can. For Jerry Seinfeld.

227. Yeah, man, do it! Do it, man!

228. What's the deal with soufflé?

229. Why do we have to order it a day in advance?

230. Does it have other plans?

231. It's not accurate, but it is so funny.

232. Okay. All right, guys, all right. We've had our fun.

233. Seriously, can you check on that soufflé?

234. Is that Chef Ravi talking? Or is it Seth Rogen?

235. Enough, okay? All right, back to work.

236. Seth. Seth. Seth. Seth. Seth.

237. Guys, enough. All right, okay.

238. All right, let's...

239. Hey, cut the crap! All right?

240. This isn't a comedy club. This is a restaurant.

241. I'm not a puppet, I'm your boss.

242. You guys are here to cook,

243. and most of you aren't even halfway good at it.

244. So maybe

245. if you focus on your cooking,

246. you will get halfway decent at it.

247. Oh, my God, are we making Ravi do Gordon Ramsay?

248. That's hilar...

249. No? Okay, no.

250. Suck in your neck.

251. Slight duck face.

252. Lift your arm like you're waving.

253. Don't wave.

254. Arch your back. Tighten your nose.

255. Ugh, hold on a second.

256. This isn't gonna work. You got to lose the bra.

257. Sara,

258. you are an intelligent, strong woman.

259. You put yourself through night school

260. so you can become a successful professional.

261. You have earned the right to feel sexy in this body.

262. Now,

263. flip the clasp

264. and show me those knockers.

265. Ugh, screw it.

266. Damn, you are fine!

267. Okay, send this. I can't look.

268. I can't look. Okay, I sent it. I sent it.

269. Yeah, you probably should've looked.

270. You just sent that to Jimmy.

271. What? No!

272. I don't get it. The apple didn't just fall far from the tree.

273. It fell far, rolled down a hill, onto a freeway,

274. and got hit by a truck full of nerds.

275. Is he cutting that person's steak?

276. I got it.

277. Stop it.

278. I think I have a solution

279. to the parking situation.

280. We flip this whole thing on its head.

281. They don't drive here, we wrap up the food in containers,

282. then we drive it to them... Okay, I hear it now.

283. That's just delivery.

284. Holy crap.

285. Holy crap.

286. Why would she send me this?

287. Why would she cover those things up?

288. Hi, customer service.

289. I need to cancel a text message.

290. Uh, yeah, I already sent it.

291. Yes, it says "delivered."

292. No,

293. I didn't send someone a photo I'm ashamed of.

294. So what are you gonna do?

295. The only thing I can do.

296. Holy crap.

297. Holy crap! Hello!

298. Oh! That's Bruce.

299. Hey. How's it going?

300. What's with the million questions?

301. You're right. I'm sorry.

302. Well, anyway, uh, you just about ready

303. to go see Gerald kicking ass at his new job?

304. Uh... yes. Oh, that's right.

305. We're going to Jimmy's. That's perfect.

306. Love is a gamble, right?

307. We're just two gamblers, rolling the dice, you know?

308. Yeah.

309. You got to roll the dice, right?

310. You have to. You do.

311. Excuse me one second, please.

312. Be right back. What are you doing?

313. There are people that are waiting to be seated.

314. She's upset. I mean, she just broke up

315. with her boyfriend of three years.

316. That's none of your business.

317. Well, I'm the one that convinced her to do it.

318. I'm so sorry that that happened.

319. Drink on the house.

320. Tequila, two limes, please.

321. Now, that's how you handle this.

322. Come on. Learn from the master.

323. This is your office?

324. I would've expected...

325. Yeah, this.

326. Welcome to the inner sanctum.

327. Only a chosen few know that it exists.

328. Hey!

329. Sorry, boss.

330. You have the soft toilet paper.

331. You, out. Come on, we got work to do.

332. Hosting is about making our guests feel like

333. the most important people in the world

334. while we have our way with them.

335. Well, that sounds terrible.

336. I mean, there's only one

337. best table in the house.

338. So we put the important, beautiful people there

339. and the schlubby tourists we put behind the pillar

340. and we make 'em feel like they're at the best table.

341. Behind the pillar? That's where you always put me and Mom.

342. I-I thought that was the best table in the house.

343. Precisely.

344. No, seriously, I'm really hurt right now.

345. Could you look forward, please?

346. Ah. Ah.

347. All right, we have three dozen scallops that expire

348. in two days. I'm a customer. What should I order?

349. Anything but the scallops. No. No.

350. A good host listens to what the customer's hungry for,

351. then he gets them to order the scallops.

352. See? Good. Got it.

353. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. No. No. No. No.

354. The scallops are mwah. The scallops are mwah.

355. Use your fingers. Kiss the tips. Mwah.

356. Don't lick the tips, kiss the tips. The scallops are mwah.

357. The scallops are mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

358. Mwah! Yeah.

359. It's showtime!

360. Did you rehearse that? Did it sound rehearsed?

361. I feel like I stepped on "show." Want to do it one more time? Try it again.

362. It's... It's showtime.

363. Ah, God! One more time. It's fast.

364. I think we're good with the "showtime."

365. Right? Yeah. Okay.

366. Showtime.

367. This is my favorite table, right in front.

368. This is my favorite table, right behind the pillar.

369. Ladies, we have one order of fresh scallops left,

370. and they are mwah.

371. So sorry that happened to you.

372. Have a drink on the house.

373. What's going on in here?

374. It's like a morgue.

375. No, n-nobody's dead.

376. This is how we do things around here now.

377. Unless you prefer the old way.

378. Can I actually talk to you now?

379. Uh, talk to Annelise.

380. She'll-she'll tell you what to do.

381. Can you not...

382. not with the whimsical stirring?

383. Ooh, well, well, well.

384. Oh, hi, Bruce. Boy, that valet took forever, huh?

385. But thankfully the car in front of us

386. was blasting some reggae.

387. It felt like we were in Jamaica.

388. Hey. Jamaica, man.

389. What's that?

390. Does he not...

391. Okay. Oh.

392. I'm gonna go say hi to Gerald.

393. Um, I need to talk to you for a second.

394. Yes?

395. That photo I sent you— that was meant for Bruce, not for you.

396. Classic Freudian nip-slip.

397. Ugh. Oh, come on, that was funny.

398. Jimmy, I'm serious.

399. And why did you send a picture back?

400. Someone sends me a nude picture, I send them one back.

401. It's called manners. There's more to it than that.

402. It's a big deal to send someone a nude photo of yourself.

403. It means something.

404. Not to my generation. You know how us millennials are.

405. But you know what, if it means something to you,

406. that must mean that you care about Bruce.

407. Maybe I do.

408. What'd he think of the picture you sent him?

409. Oh, well, you know, he loved it.

410. He... he was all, "Hubba, hubba."

411. You didn't send it.

412. What does that mean?

413. That's "mind your business."

414. What are you doing here?

415. Oh, sometimes I come in here to crush a word search.

416. Mm. "Frankfurter."

417. Don't tell Jimmy you saw me.

418. You okay?

419. Oh, totally.

420. And, yeah, I hate this.

421. You hate what?

422. This, man. The suit, the schmoozing,

423. you know, hiding full-bodied Midwesterners behind pillars.

424. I deserve to be happy at my job, right?

425. No, totally. I mean, nobody should have to change

426. their essence— it's who we are.

427. Exactly. My dad doesn't get my essence.

428. Annelise doesn't get my essence.

429. And Jimmy doesn't care. I just want to be me!

430. I just want to be Ellen!

431. What? Hey, Ravi, what are you doing in here?

432. Does everyone just come back here?

433. Won't happen again, boss.

434. Good. Because I quit.

435. What?

436. Hey, Ravi.

437. What are you doing? Why are you quitting?

438. Did you find out we have a softball team?

439. Really?

440. Play softball?

441. No, you know, Gerald opened my eyes.

442. Okay? If I have to be someone I'm not to work here,

443. then maybe this place isn't for me.

444. Maybe I need to do something fun,

445. like go cook at Chuck E. Cheese.

446. Or buy a food truck.

447. No matter what, keep your eyes peeled

448. on social media, 'cause it is gonna be a wild ride.

449. What did you do?

450. I'm sorry that happened to you.

451. Can I get you a drink on the house?

452. Ravi's not even answering the phone. It looks like

453. he started a blog— A Chef's Journey.

454. How do you turn this music off?

455. You see what you've done? All I said was that we

456. all deserve to be happy in our jobs.

457. I mean, who can argue with that?

458. Me. I can. Why does everybody think

459. every job has to be incredibly amazing?

460. You know, when I was your age, I was, I was lugging ice

461. as a bar-back. You think I was happy? I wasn't.

462. You have to earn happiness, Gerald.

463. All right, but I'm not gonna compromise and be miserable now

464. just so I can, like, maybe afford a boat when I'm 50.

465. Fine. You know what, sit around, work on your projects

466. and your apps and all. I'll buy you some pajamas,

467. 'cause I'm assuming you can't afford your own.

468. Y-You think I'm such a loser

469. just 'cause I'm not exactly like you.

470. Okay, if you want someone who worships you

471. that you can dress up, get a dog.

472. Hey, how'd you get that to...

473. Ah.

474. So I just decided I don't need to live the life

475. that he dictates for me, right?

476. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

477. I know. Yeah, you get me.

478. You know, it's like, why does he always

479. have to try to mold me into who he is, you know?

480. I'm a cool guy, I have cool interests.

481. Like, you know, binary code and space shuttles

482. and my first recycling plant.

483. All the things I'm trying to force on you.

484. How the tables have turned, Edie.

485. Thank you, Edie.

486. This was a very helpful conversation.

487. Horses pee-pee.

488. Yes, sometimes a horse does go pee-pee.

489. Ravi? You're still here?

490. I've been waiting forever for my car.

491. It's impossible to storm out of this place.

492. You should know that there's a text chain going around.

493. Everyone wants to take you out for surprise drinks.

494. Well, then why did you tell me? You know I love surprises.

495. Sad thing is, I wasn't on the text chain.

496. I saw it on someone's phone.

497. Your crew loves you.

498. Maybe you do get respect.

499. The kind people give to... a clown.

500. Or a guy that can fit a lot of marshmallows in his mouth.

501. That means a lot to me.

502. Will you come back?

503. I could.

504. For Jerry Seinfeld.

505. What's the deal with Ravi?

506. Is he a great chef?

507. Yeah. Yeah, you're pretty terrible at that.

508. All the more reason why I should stay.

509. All right, let's get back in my kitchen, huh?

510. I wouldn't say "terrible."

511. No, not that one!

512. M-Move that one and then get mine in this way.

513. Kenny, look, I need my car. Dad.

514. Gerald.

515. Listen, I'm sorry...

516. You love me. What?

517. You think what's best for you is best for me,

518. and I do the same thing with Edie.

519. You know, forcing our kids to be as ridiculous as we are—

520. it's how we show love.

521. You love me.

522. Aw.

523. You're all still waiting for your cars? What a mess.

524. Kenny, did Annelise talk to you about this? What is this?

525. Hey, maybe I can help. Hey! Would you get off my car, please?

526. No, Dad, your lot's not too small.

527. It's just disorganized.

528. It's like my airplane boarding simulator.

529. Uh, Kenny, divorce your entry-exit points,

530. try a cross-access lane concept.

531. Park the cars on an angle.

532. You can do it, Kenny!

533. Hey, I feel weird for making such a big deal

534. about that naughty picture.

535. Just forget about it.

536. Oh.

537. I hadn't even thought about that.

538. Oh, okay, yeah, well, just forget about it.

539. 'Cause I don't need a picture. I got you.

540. Sexiest grandma in the world.

541. Oh.

542. No, I-I did need the picture.

543. Yeah, no, I needed that.

544. You're good. Good, guys.

545. Now remember, when in doubt,

546. always get the car closest to the center. Got it?

547. Check out my nerdy kid.

548. Yeah, he was standing on my car earlier.

549. Hey. Hey.

550. I could use a mind like yours around here.

551. How would you like the job of valet consultant?

552. Deal.

553. May not be enough money for you to move out right away.

554. It's all right. I'll get there.

555. Oh, uh, that reminds me.

556. Can I get an advance on my first paycheck?

557. There's something I got to buy.

558. Would you believe we're already on our last condom?

559. Look at us go!

560. Couple of bunny rabbits over here!

561. Noise-canceling.