1. Hello, ladies of BooFinder.
Uh, I'm new to the app.Copy !req
2. Love the concept,
though eight secondsCopy !req
3. does seem a little quick
to fully captureCopy !req
4. all the splendor
that is Gerald Ed...Copy !req
5. (clears throat)
Hi, I'm Gerald.Copy !req
6. I'm looking for my soul mate,Copy !req
7. so BooFinder seems like
the right app for me.Copy !req
8. I'm recently out
of a relationship—Copy !req
9. not really a relationship.Copy !req
10. More of just a progressive
physical thingCopy !req
11. with the mother of my chi...Copy !req
12. Hi, Gerald, single man,
looking for a woman.Copy !req
13. Uh, father of child,
live with mother.Copy !req
14. In between jobs. Hillary 2016.
Yes.Copy !req
15. Hi, I'm Jimmy.Copy !req
16. I'm Gerald's father,
and I find it disgustingCopy !req
17. that you're all looking
for love on the Internet.Copy !req
18. Internet's only good for sex,
and in my experience,Copy !req
19. just okay for that.Copy !req
20. I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
21. Can an app really help me
find true love?Copy !req
22. Well, Wired Magazine thinks so.Copy !req
23. Gerald, I told you, I don't want
you reading that trash.Copy !req
24. I'm sorry, why are
you still here?Copy !req
25. (phone whooshes)
Oh, hello there,Copy !req
26. HelenOfGoy, 36,Copy !req
27. two miles away,
loves chilaquiles.Copy !req
28. Check, check and check.Copy !req
29. And by the blouse
she's wearing,Copy !req
30. I am getting
a very maternal vibe here.Copy !req
31. She could be Edie's type.Copy !req
32. Gerald, what are you doing?Copy !req
33. You've been hung up on
Vanessa for four years.Copy !req
34. Now I feel you're finally
starting to get over her.Copy !req
35. It's time to go out
and date a little.Copy !req
36. Get a little "naughtay."Copy !req
37. No. What are you doing?Copy !req
38. He's 25. He doesn't
need his daddyCopy !req
39. getting involved
in his dating life.Copy !req
40. Look, I-I may be his father,
but I'm nobody's daddy.Copy !req
41. I'm more like a cool, carefree,
still-in-his-prime...Copy !req
42. What's a good term for me?Copy !req
43. Aging narcissist?Copy !req
44. Sexy guardian angel.
That's it, Gerald.Copy !req
45. I'm your sexy guardian angel.Copy !req
46. And you know what,Copy !req
47. I'm gonna take you
out tomorrow nightCopy !req
48. and make you forget about
this soul mate stuff.Copy !req
49. We're gonna meet some chicks.Copy !req
50. Not women, but chicks.Copy !req
51. This angel's gonna be
your wing man.Copy !req
52. See what I did there?
Angel, wing man.Copy !req
53. For the last time, Jimmy,
we don't get your wordplay.Copy !req
54. Dumb it down for us.Copy !req
55. I could go out tomorrow.Copy !req
56. Good. Now this is the
portion of the dayCopy !req
57. where-where Sara chastises me
for corrupting our son.Copy !req
58. Go ahead, Sara.
Nope, Gerald's an adult.Copy !req
59. He can do whatever he wants.
And you may thinkCopy !req
60. you're a sexy guardian angel,
but I'm LL Cool Mom.Copy !req
61. Would you like some cereal?Copy !req
62. No, I'm good.Copy !req
63. Thank you.Copy !req
64. You and Gerald are on the list
at Lunaris.Copy !req
65. Perfect.
Lunaris?Copy !req
66. I thought that place was over.Copy !req
67. It's hot again— Justin Bieber
peed himself there last weekend.Copy !req
68. Oh, cool. Throw me on the list.Copy !req
69. Hi, Jimmy!Copy !req
70. Hey.Copy !req
71. Why is she here?Copy !req
72. Am I supposed
to be watching the baby?Copy !req
73. She asked if she could give you
a sales pitch, and you said yes.Copy !req
74. That doesn't sound like me.Copy !req
75. Jimmy,Copy !req
76. before we get started,Copy !req
77. I'd like to order
a Donkey-tini, please.Copy !req
78. I don't know what that is.Copy !req
79. Oh, no.Copy !req
80. My friends and I love those.Copy !req
81. I guess we'll have to go
to another establishmentCopy !req
82. that does carryCopy !req
83. Donkey-tinis or
one of Donkey TonicCopy !req
84. Energy Drink's many other
delicious signature cocktailsCopy !req
85. and give them our money.Copy !req
86. This is part of
the presentation.Copy !req
87. No.
Yeah.Copy !req
88. I think you get my point, but...Copy !req
89. Nothing makes the case
for Donkey TonicCopy !req
90. like the taste.Copy !req
91. Try that.
Hmm, looks yummy.Copy !req
92. Annelise.Copy !req
93. (gags)
Bravo.Copy !req
94. We'll take three cases.Copy !req
95. I could do that, or...Copy !req
96. since this is
a pyramid scheme,Copy !req
97. you could become a
distributor like me,Copy !req
98. and that's when the real money
starts pouring in.Copy !req
99. Okay, not for you.Copy !req
100. Got it. Now, let me tell you
about another schemeCopy !req
101. I'm really excited about.Copy !req
102. What if I told you that,
in three short weeks,Copy !req
103. I could have youCopy !req
104. dunking a basketball?Copy !req
105. So how do you want me
to get rid of her?Copy !req
106. Yeah, this is bad.Copy !req
107. But she's family.Copy !req
108. I mean, she's got hustle.Copy !req
109. She just never learned
from anyoneCopy !req
110. who's been around
real success before.Copy !req
111. Oh.Copy !req
112. You're gonna teach her?Copy !req
113. I'm impressed, Jimmy.Copy !req
114. You normally only help
famous peopleCopy !req
115. or people you think
might become fam...Copy !req
116. Wait, you're gonna
make me do it.Copy !req
117. Thank you.
Well, hello again.Copy !req
118. Let's try these on.Copy !req
119. Oh, do you have socks?Copy !req
120. If not, I got
cling wrap. Here.Copy !req
121. Vanessa, thank you, I
don't need these shoes.Copy !req
122. I can already dunk.Copy !req
123. You got fire, kid.Copy !req
124. You ever thought
of a mentorship?Copy !req
125. Whoa, that's crazy.Copy !req
126. I-I've always thought
I'd be perfect for that.Copy !req
127. Very good. I'll set
you up with Annelise.Copy !req
128. Thank you for believing
in me, Jimmy.Copy !req
129. Hmm.Copy !req
130. Business journal entry 62.Copy !req
131. I just got hired as a mentor.Copy !req
132. Looks... Oh.Copy !req
133. Looks like I got to update
my business card.Copy !req
134. All right,
here's the game plan.Copy !req
135. Meet a girl, hit it off,
take her home,Copy !req
136. keep it safe and spring for
the good Uber in the morning.Copy !req
137. I don't know, I mean,
the idea of using womenCopy !req
138. seems kind of sexist to me.Copy !req
139. It's sexist to assume
you're using her.Copy !req
140. Do you ever think
that she may be using you? Huh?Copy !req
141. Come on.
Hi.Copy !req
142. Hey.Copy !req
143. Yeah, sound logic, I'm in.Copy !req
144. Oh!
Move that thing.Copy !req
145. Come in.
Come in, come in.Copy !req
146. All right, cheers.
Cheers.Copy !req
147. Oopsie, I spilled vodka
in my belly button.Copy !req
148. Looks like someone
needs help.Copy !req
149. Oh, uh, here's some napkins,Copy !req
150. and please stop spilling
our vodka.Copy !req
151. Okay, okay.Copy !req
152. I'm Frankie.
Do you have a name?Copy !req
153. Yeah, uh, I'm Gerald.Copy !req
154. Hey, we both have boy names.Copy !req
155. You're cute!Copy !req
156. What do you do
when you're not being so cute?Copy !req
157. I'm kind of a stay-at-home...Copy !req
158. I develop apps.Copy !req
159. Wow, like Zuckerberg?Copy !req
160. No, not like Zuckerberg...Copy !req
161. Uh, yeah, exactly like
Zuckerberg.Copy !req
162. Wow.Copy !req
163. Yes.Copy !req
164. I'm bored!Copy !req
165. This place is dumb.Copy !req
166. Let's go home.Copy !req
167. Oh.Copy !req
168. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
169. Before you leave, I
just wanted to say hi.Copy !req
170. I'm Jimmy Martino.Copy !req
171. You look very
pretty tonight.Copy !req
172. Priya. So, what do you do?Copy !req
173. I'm, uh, I'm a restaurateur.Copy !req
174. Shutters!
Yeah.Copy !req
175. I'm such a foodie.
"Shutters" is how I say shut up.Copy !req
176. I have a fun way
of saying lots of words.Copy !req
177. Here, tell me the first word
that pops into your head.Copy !req
178. Uh, annoying.Copy !req
179. Easy, noy-noy.Copy !req
180. Nexters. That means next.Copy !req
181. Yeah?
Yeah.Copy !req
182. Mmm.Copy !req
183. Morning, sexy.Copy !req
184. Take those clothes off
and get back in here.Copy !req
185. Wait.Copy !req
186. Did we not hook up last night?Copy !req
187. No, you passed out
in the UberCopy !req
188. before you could tell him
where you live.Copy !req
189. (phone rings)
Oh...Copy !req
190. Hold on, I got
to take this.Copy !req
191. I made you a hangover
smoothie downstairs.Copy !req
192. It's in a to-go cup, so why
don't you get it and to-go.Copy !req
193. Hey, Ger,
how'd it go last night?Copy !req
194. I just left Frankie's.Copy !req
195. Attaboy.Copy !req
196. Yup, doing the old
bus-of-shame.Copy !req
197. How's it feel to have a
one-night stand under your belt?Copy !req
198. Uh, does it count
as a one-night standCopy !req
199. if you've already made plans
for a picnic the following day?Copy !req
200. Ger, what...Copy !req
201. We were supposed to go out
and get all up into trouble,Copy !req
202. not fall in love with trouble.Copy !req
203. Hey, slow down.
Who said love?Copy !req
204. Let's see how the post-picnic
tandem bike ride goes.Copy !req
205. Oh, uh, this is my stop.Copy !req
206. Got to go.
Thanks again, wing man.Copy !req
207. No, Ger, think...Copy !req
208. Mmm.Copy !req
209. So, you and Frankie
are pretty close, right?Copy !req
210. Pretty close?Copy !req
211. Try we live in
the same building,Copy !req
212. we work at the same
payroll company,Copy !req
213. and when I got my DUI,
she drove me everywhere.Copy !req
214. Hmm.Copy !req
215. Would you say
she's relationship material?Copy !req
216. Don't get me wrong.Copy !req
217. I love Frankie,
but she's horrible.Copy !req
218. She literally cheats
on everyone she dates.Copy !req
219. We call her
Frank the Skank.Copy !req
220. I made it up.
It's hilarious.Copy !req
221. Oh, yeah, he's screwed.Copy !req
222. Edie, look, Jimmy's here.
I wonder why Jimmy's here.Copy !req
223. What does Jimmy want?Copy !req
224. Hi.Copy !req
225. Hey, listen,
have you talked to GeraldCopy !req
226. about that nightmare girl
he's dating? It's been a week.Copy !req
227. Wait, what do you mean, talk?Copy !req
228. I texted you
all that awful stuffCopy !req
229. that her friend
said about her.Copy !req
230. I figured by now
you-you'd give himCopy !req
231. one of your
nagging mom talks.Copy !req
232. No, because I'm
not a nagging mom.Copy !req
233. I'm a cool mom.Copy !req
234. I just found out
when Burning Man is.Copy !req
235. I can't make it.Copy !req
236. And I don't care what
anyone's friend says—Copy !req
237. I'm not getting between
Gerald and a girl.Copy !req
238. Apparently you don't realize
the severity of this situation.Copy !req
239. All right, I'm gonna
tell you something.Copy !req
240. But you have to promiseCopy !req
241. that you'll never tell
another living soul. Swear?Copy !req
242. Yes, fine, whatever.
All right.Copy !req
243. Summer of 2008,
I briefly dated Tila Tequila.Copy !req
244. I'll spare you the details,
but it did not end well.Copy !req
245. What does this have
to do with anything?Copy !req
246. The moral of this story is:Copy !req
247. do not fall in love
with a party girl.Copy !req
248. And I guarantee you, Gerald's
doing that right as I speak.Copy !req
249. Okay, look, I know
that you're new to this,Copy !req
250. so I'm gonna
boil this down for you.Copy !req
251. Do not meddle
in your son's love life.Copy !req
252. It will backfire.Copy !req
253. He will end up liking her more.Copy !req
254. You've just got to be
cool, man, like me.Copy !req
255. Cool like you, huh?Copy !req
256. Edie, I hate to
put you on the spot.Copy !req
257. Who's cooler,
Grandma or Jimmy?Copy !req
258. Who's cooler, me or her?Copy !req
259. Me?Copy !req
260. Yeah.Copy !req
261. Thank you.Copy !req
262. The kid said yeah.Copy !req
263. I rest my case.Copy !req
264. (whispers):
I know you were lying.Copy !req
265. What is this?Copy !req
266. Oh, uh, it's an
Armenian folk song.Copy !req
267. Frankie's a
quarter Armenian.Copy !req
268. You seem to know
a lot about this girlCopy !req
269. after dating her only a week.
(printer hums)Copy !req
270. Oh, my printer's done
printing the printer.Copy !req
271. Ooh.Copy !req
272. It looks just like a 3D printer.Copy !req
273. This is how
I'll remember you, Printy.Copy !req
274. What are you doing?Copy !req
275. Oh.
(chuckles.Copy !req
276. Selling the old girl.Copy !req
277. Yeah, need a little extra cash
for a little lover's weekendCopy !req
278. with Frankie in Vegas.Copy !req
279. (grunts)
Oh, question.Copy !req
280. Do you get a discount
if you clean your own room?Copy !req
281. (phone chimes)
What if you, like, sleep
on top of the comforter?Copy !req
282. Uh, like, in
sleeping bags.Copy !req
283. What about if you
don't turn on the TV?Copy !req
284. What about if you don't
use the soap?Copy !req
285. Jimmy?Copy !req
286. Hi.Copy !req
287. Oh, my God.Copy !req
288. You did not bring me sushi.Copy !req
289. You love me, stalker.Copy !req
290. Guilty.Copy !req
291. Is Frankie around?Copy !req
292. Why?Copy !req
293. Threesome much? Ha.Copy !req
294. I'm gonna go get
some teriyaki sauce.Copy !req
295. Okay.Copy !req
296. "Aunt eater"-- A-U-N-T.
(chuckles)Copy !req
297. Does anyone else know
about this Far Side?Copy !req
298. Funny.Copy !req
299. Hey, lover.Copy !req
300. Hi. Ow.
(giggles)Copy !req
301. Loud.Copy !req
302. Um, well, you know,
it was good seeing you.Copy !req
303. Can you point me
to Frankie's, um, work pen?Copy !req
304. Uh, I want to talk to her.Copy !req
305. Well, she's with Roger, our
CEO, at a business lunchCopy !req
306. they were supposed to be
back from an hour ago,Copy !req
307. aka, they're
totally boning.Copy !req
308. She's cheating
on Gerald with her boss?Copy !req
309. Did I hear
"cheating"?Copy !req
310. Are we talking
about the PatriotsCopy !req
311. or are we talking about
Roger and Frankie?Copy !req
312. Guys, come on.Copy !req
313. Roger's a married man.Copy !req
314. I'm sure they're
just having lunch...Copy !req
315. delivered by
room service.Copy !req
316. That's my boyfriend.Copy !req
317. He's my new boyfriend.Copy !req
318. And this is the dream factory.Copy !req
319. This is where I shoot
my makeup tutorials,Copy !req
320. I run my businesses, and I come
up with ideas for new ones.Copy !req
321. "Miniature elephants"?Copy !req
322. Super-small.Copy !req
323. Why don't we
just get started.Copy !req
324. What are your
long-term goals?Copy !req
325. Ooh, good question...
for me to ask you.Copy !req
326. What are your long-term goals?Copy !req
327. My goals don't matter.Copy !req
328. Wrong, they do matter.Copy !req
329. You matter.Copy !req
330. Please just
say your goals.Copy !req
331. I wanted to look at patio
furniture before work.Copy !req
332. (chuckles) I think we zeroed
in on what the problem is.Copy !req
333. Bad attitude.
(chuckles)Copy !req
334. Wait, what do you think
is happening here?Copy !req
335. Oh, God, you think
you're mentoring me?Copy !req
336. Yes. No?Copy !req
337. Why on earth would
I need your advice?
Excuse me?Copy !req
338. No offense, but you're the most
scattered person I've ever met.Copy !req
339. If you're going
to be successful,Copy !req
340. you've got to
pick one thing.Copy !req
341. Well, I'm sorry
for having dreams,Copy !req
342. for wanting to be more than
just "Jimmy's assistant."Copy !req
343. Everybody has dreams.Copy !req
344. I was gonna be
a soul singer.Copy !req
345. But, like most people,
I grew up and found a real job.Copy !req
346. So first and
last lesson:Copy !req
347. grow the hell up.Copy !req
348. Hey, you're in my house.Copy !req
349. No, I'm in your parents' house.Copy !req
350. Business journal entry 63.Copy !req
351. Had to kick a girl's ass today.Copy !req
352. Guess again.
Oh, we can do this.Copy !req
353. Do you want to
call your mommy?
Sister,
these guns are gonna...Copy !req
354. Peekaboo!Copy !req
355. Oh, hi, monkey-pie.Copy !req
356. Oh, how was your nap?Copy !req
357. Come here.Copy !req
358. Oh, look at you.Copy !req
359. And then Elaine in accounting
said that she heardCopy !req
360. noises coming
from Roger's office,Copy !req
361. and then... and then
Jerry from I.T.,Copy !req
362. he said he definitely
heard noises,Copy !req
363. and they were sex noises.Copy !req
364. Wait, I-I thought
Jerry was from HR.Copy !req
365. No, Gary is from HR.
Gary from HR.Copy !req
366. Pay attention,
Victor.Copy !req
367. So I should do something
about this, right?Copy !req
368. No.
Uh-uh, no.Copy !req
369. Absolutely do nothing.
Nada, nada.Copy !req
370. Got it. So you guys
are on the fence.Copy !req
371. No, we're
really not.
Actually, it's...Copy !req
372. What if I told you
there was a wayCopy !req
373. to expose Frankie
for the cheater she isCopy !req
374. without having to lift a finger?Copy !req
375. If this is your stupid
"Ryan's Roses" knockoff,Copy !req
376. I'm not interested.Copy !req
377. Um, "knockoff"?Copy !req
378. No, this is
completely different.Copy !req
379. "Ravi's Rezzies"Copy !req
380. offers the
suspected cheaterCopy !req
381. a romantic dinner
for two at Jimmy's.Copy !req
382. If he shows up with his wife,
then we're down a dinner,Copy !req
383. but if he shows up
with his mistress,Copy !req
384. then he, sir,
has been "Rezzied."Copy !req
385. No... All right,
I'm not interested.Copy !req
386. And how is this any different
than "Ryan's Roses"?Copy !req
387. Seacrest does it on the radio.Copy !req
388. No, uh, you know what,
I'm just gonna call Gerald.Copy !req
389. I'm gonna tell him
this girl's cheating on him.Copy !req
390. Or you can tell
him in person.Copy !req
391. He just sat down.Copy !req
392. Dad, you remember Frankie.Copy !req
393. Of course!
Try the calamari.Copy !req
394. Can I speak with you
real fast, please?Copy !req
395. What's going on here?Copy !req
396. Gerald thought
it would be niceCopy !req
397. if we had dinner
with his girlfriend.Copy !req
398. She's his
girlfriend now?Copy !req
399. Frankie is cheating
on Gerald with her boss.Copy !req
400. They hooked up at lunch today.Copy !req
401. If you would have heard Mark
from accounting do the noises,Copy !req
402. (scoffs) you'd be just
as pissed as I am.Copy !req
403. What the hell are
you talking about?Copy !req
404. Did you go to her office?Copy !req
405. No. Y-Yes.Copy !req
406. Wow, I thought you were
the cool detached guy.Copy !req
407. When did you become
a Jewish mother?Copy !req
408. Okay, we are gonna go
back to that table,Copy !req
409. and you are not gonna
do anything stupidCopy !req
410. while we get to know
our son's girlfriend,Copy !req
411. who he really likes,
which is all that matters.Copy !req
412. Oh, apparently you don't
care about cheating.Copy !req
413. What, are you a Patriots fan?
(chuckles)Copy !req
414. It's a sports... thing.Copy !req
415. Hi. May I join you?
Hey.Copy !req
416. Yeah. I'm so glad
you can eat with us.Copy !req
417. I can't promise
how much I'll eat,Copy !req
418. 'cause I had a "late
working lunch" today.Copy !req
419. Anyone else hereCopy !req
420. have a "working lunch"Copy !req
421. that went "late"?Copy !req
422. Going pretty hard
on those air quotes.Copy !req
423. So, Frankie, we've heard so many
great things about you.Copy !req
424. Oh, my gosh, that's
such a reliefCopy !req
425. considering the first
impression I made at the club.Copy !req
426. Jimmy, I asked Gerald
to set up this dinnerCopy !req
427. because I wanted you to know
that was not me.Copy !req
428. I'm not a club person,
but some coworkers wantedCopy !req
429. to take me out to
celebrate a promotion,Copy !req
430. and what was supposed to
be one glass of proseccoCopy !req
431. turned into me force-feeding
your son vodkaCopy !req
432. off of my stomach.
Yeah.Copy !req
433. But the real reason that
I wanted to meet you:Copy !req
434. free dinner.
(laughter)Copy !req
435. She's funny. I feel like
I'm in The Far Side.Copy !req
436. I love free meals.
Who bought you lunch?Copy !req
437. Oh, gosh, don't get me
started on that.Copy !req
438. I have this really
creepy bossCopy !req
439. who drags me to so-called
business lunchesCopy !req
440. and hits on me the entire
time— it's the worst.Copy !req
441. Well, that is a horrible
and very believable reasonCopy !req
442. for you to have a late lunch
with your boss.Copy !req
443. Gerald...Copy !req
444. Are you sure?
Uh...Copy !req
445. I thought we were
cutting back on the carbs.Copy !req
446. Yes. Sorry.Copy !req
447. Well, don't put it back
after you touched it!Copy !req
448. Oop. Now there's
olive oil on your shirt.Copy !req
449. Great. Okay.
Up. Come on.Copy !req
450. Sorry. Yeah.Copy !req
451. Oh, I can't take
him anywhere.Copy !req
452. That's my son.Copy !req
453. That bitch has got to go.Copy !req
454. You forgot this.Copy !req
455. Thanks.Copy !req
456. So you think
I'm a mess, huh?Copy !req
457. (scoffs) Yeah.
You're a mess,Copy !req
458. your ideas suck, and
you sell an energy drinkCopy !req
459. that exploded
a cow heart in testing.Copy !req
460. Hey, the cow had
a pre-existing condition.Copy !req
461. But you've got
something more valuableCopy !req
462. than good ideas:
you're fearless.Copy !req
463. Maybe someday you can
teach me a thing or two.Copy !req
464. What are you doing?Copy !req
465. Teaching you
a thing or two.Copy !req
466. Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands togetherCopy !req
467. for the soulful stylings
of Annelise Wilkinson.Copy !req
468. This is your passion.Copy !req
469. Get up here.
Be fearless.Copy !req
470. Hi.Copy !req
471. "Tempted" by Squeeze.Copy !req
472. Take it up a half step.Copy !req
473. Keep it in the pocket.
Count it off.Copy !req
474. Did she ask me
if she could do that?Copy !req
475. Maybe in an e-mail.Copy !req
476. We cannot have
our son's girlfriendCopy !req
477. bossing him around
like that.Copy !req
478. Who does she think she is,
the bread police?Copy !req
479. Ooh, look at you.Copy !req
480. I thought you were
LL Chill Mom.Copy !req
481. LL Cool Mom.
LL Cool Mom.Copy !req
482. Frankie just got a textCopy !req
483. from somebody
called "Big Daddy."Copy !req
484. Ooh, I'll bet
that's her boss.Copy !req
485. We shouldn't look
at it though, right?Copy !req
486. No, definitely not.Copy !req
487. And then
Big Daddy wrote,Copy !req
488. "You know who wants you
so bad? Little Daddy."Copy !req
489. Ugh! He's got a name for it?Copy !req
490. That old perv.Copy !req
491. Scroll up, scroll up.Copy !req
492. Oh, oh, oh, look.Copy !req
493. Two hours ago, she wrote,
"I can't waitCopy !req
494. "for you to zap this bass.Copy !req
495. "Oops, autocorrect, haha.Copy !req
496. But seriously,
I want you to tap this..."Copy !req
497. Okay, that is enough.
Why are youCopy !req
498. looking at Frankie's phone?Copy !req
499. Uh...Copy !req
500. Gerald, you should
know something.Copy !req
501. Hey, boo! Thought I'd bring
by some homemade brownies,Copy !req
502. since someone brought meCopy !req
503. sushi at work today.Copy !req
504. Holy crap.
You were at her work today?Copy !req
505. Yes, because...Copy !req
506. Priya, I'm in love with you.Copy !req
507. Oh, my God,
it's happening...Copy !req
508. And it's "Pree-ya."Copy !req
509. "Pree-ya."
And while I was there,Copy !req
510. I found out she's having
an affair with her boss.
What?Copy !req
511. I can't believe
I won Ravi's Rezzies.Copy !req
512. I never win anything!Copy !req
513. Yeah!Copy !req
514. Maybe a table
away from the stage.Copy !req
515. Roger?
Frankie?Copy !req
516. Priya?Copy !req
517. That's Roger?
Yeah.Copy !req
518. What? Who?Copy !req
519. Hey! Ravi from Ravi's Rezzies.Copy !req
520. You must be Roger.
Roger, tell us,Copy !req
521. who did you chooseCopy !req
522. to share you
Rezzie with?Copy !req
523. My wife, Evelyn.Copy !req
524. Well, g-good news, everyone.
This guy checks out.Copy !req
525. All right, back to the kitchen.Copy !req
526. Dad, what the hell
is going on?Copy !req
527. Well, I went to their office
because I knew she was bad newsCopy !req
528. and, you know, I wanted
to have a chill conversation.Copy !req
529. And to bring me sushi.Copy !req
530. You know, it might
not be with Roger,Copy !req
531. but she's definitely
having an affair with someone.Copy !req
532. Who's "Big Daddy"?Copy !req
533. I am. I'm Big Daddy.Copy !req
534. Barf.
I've been
developing an appCopy !req
535. that lets you send out texts
you write ahead of timeCopy !req
536. and deliver them
whenever you want.Copy !req
537. I thought it'd be
a fun, sexy wayCopy !req
538. to surprise Frankie
during dinner.Copy !req
539. It wasn't.
But I don't understand.Copy !req
540. If you and Roger
aren't a thing,Copy !req
541. then why does
everyone at your workCopy !req
542. think you're
sleeping together?Copy !req
543. Mmm, risotto.Copy !req
544. Oh, my God,
are you stillCopy !req
545. spreading rumors about
me, you psychopath?Copy !req
546. I drove you around
for a year!Copy !req
547. "Pree-ya..."
Priya, I don't love you anymore.Copy !req
548. I understand.Copy !req
549. And quite frankly,Copy !req
550. I have some things
to work through.Copy !req
551. Well, maybe we should all,
uh, take turnsCopy !req
552. apologizing
to one another.Copy !req
553. Mm-hmm. You first.Copy !req
554. No, thanks.Copy !req
555. Let's go.Copy !req
556. Whoo!Copy !req
557. I feel amazing.Copy !req
558. I need a drink.Copy !req
559. Any chance you
want to make out?Copy !req
560. No, never mind.Copy !req
561. Unless you're into it.Copy !req
562. You know you sang
like ass, right?Copy !req
563. Yeah. That's why
I feel amazing.Copy !req
564. I know I made the right decision
giving up on my dream.Copy !req
565. I guess I was
your mentor after all.Copy !req
566. Huh.Copy !req
567. Yeah, I guess so.Copy !req
568. Sweet!Copy !req
569. That'll be 185 bucks.Copy !req
570. Make the check out to "cash."Copy !req
571. Oh, you serious?Copy !req
572. Ger, I know you're not
talking to us,Copy !req
573. but we wanted to drop by
and give youCopy !req
574. this brand-new
3-D printer we got you.Copy !req
575. You guys seriously
bought me a...Copy !req
576. regular black-and-white
inkjet printer?Copy !req
577. Yep. The guy at the storeCopy !req
578. said he had the same one
at home. Enjoy.Copy !req
579. I tried to explain it
to him.Copy !req
580. "Works with Windows."Copy !req
581. Gerald, I don't know
what to say.Copy !req
582. We messed up.Copy !req
583. Not that
it changes anything,Copy !req
584. but I only messed up
right at the end.Copy !req
585. Honestly, I don't knowCopy !req
586. what's happening to me.Copy !req
587. I mean, sure, we all think of meCopy !req
588. as this sexy guardian angel,Copy !req
589. but I guess at the end
of the day, I...Copy !req
590. I'm just a dad.Copy !req
591. Just a normal,
sexy dad.Copy !req
592. (whispers):
Almost there.Copy !req
593. Guys, I appreciate
all the concern,Copy !req
594. and it makes me feel nice
to have a dadCopy !req
595. that worries about me,
but I'm an adult.Copy !req
596. All right? If I want
to get intoCopy !req
597. a serious relationship
with a girlCopy !req
598. I did body shots with
at a nightclub,Copy !req
599. I'm gonna do it. Okay?Copy !req
600. Mom, I can tell you're not
a big fan of Frankie's.
What?Copy !req
601. But she's great for me.
You know my texting app?Copy !req
602. Uh-huh.
I've wanted to make that
thing for, like, three years.Copy !req
603. And then all of a sudden,
I'm dating Frankie...Copy !req
604. boom, I got a beta version
in, like, a week.Copy !req
605. I don't know why
I'm explaining this.Copy !req
606. It doesn't really matter
if you like her,Copy !req
607. because I do.Copy !req
608. Now, if you'll
excuse me,Copy !req
609. I am going to
an insanely expensive hotelCopy !req
610. in Vegas with my lady.Copy !req
611. These pre-made sandwiches
should help offset the cost ofCopy !req
612. the Backstage Penn & Teller
Experience. VIP seats.Copy !req
613. Front row.Copy !req
614. You can't afford that.Copy !req
615. Here, let me give you
some money.Copy !req
616. Nope. Like, here I am,
meddling again.Copy !req
617. No more meddling.Copy !req
618. Meddling's okay.Copy !req
619. Hey.Copy !req
620. She'll probably want
to get her nails done.Copy !req
621. And massages.Copy !req
622. There's the whole dolphin
experience, you want to...Copy !req