1. Hello, ladies of BooFinder.
Uh, I'm new to the app.Copy !req
2. Love the concept,
though eight secondsCopy !req
3. does seem a little quick
to fully captureCopy !req
4. all the splendor
that is Gerald Ed...Copy !req
5. Hi, I'm Gerald.Copy !req
6. I'm looking for my soul mate,Copy !req
7. so BooFinder seems like
the right app for me.Copy !req
8. I'm recently out
of a relationship—Copy !req
9. not really a relationship.Copy !req
10. More of just a progressive
physical thingCopy !req
11. with the mother of my chi...Copy !req
12. Hi, Gerald, single man,
looking for a woman.Copy !req
13. Uh, father of child,
live with mother.Copy !req
14. In between jobs. Hillary 2016.
Yes.Copy !req
15. Hi, I'm Jimmy.Copy !req
16. I'm Gerald's father,
and I find it disgustingCopy !req
17. that you're all looking
for love on the Internet.Copy !req
18. Internet's only good for sex,
and in my experience,Copy !req
19. just okay for that.Copy !req
20. I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
21. Can an app really help me
find true love?Copy !req
22. Well, Wired Magazine thinks so.Copy !req
23. Gerald, I told you, I don't want
you reading that trash.Copy !req
24. I'm sorry, why are
you still here?Copy !req
25. Oh, hello there,Copy !req
26. HelenOfGoy, 36,Copy !req
27. two miles away,
loves chilaquiles.Copy !req
28. Check, check and check.Copy !req
29. And by the blouse
she's wearing,Copy !req
30. I am getting
a very maternal vibe here.Copy !req
31. She could be Edie's type.Copy !req
32. Gerald, what are you doing?Copy !req
33. You've been hung up on
Vanessa for four years.Copy !req
34. Now I feel you're finally
starting to get over her.Copy !req
35. It's time to go out
and date a little.Copy !req
36. Get a little "naughtay."Copy !req
37. No. What are you doing?Copy !req
38. He's 25. He doesn't
need his daddyCopy !req
39. getting involved
in his dating life.Copy !req
40. Look, I-I may be his father,
but I'm nobody's daddy.Copy !req
41. I'm more like a cool, carefree,
still-in-his-prime...Copy !req
42. What's a good term for me?Copy !req
43. Aging narcissist?Copy !req
44. Sexy guardian angel.
That's it, Gerald.Copy !req
45. I'm your sexy guardian angel.Copy !req
46. And you know what,Copy !req
47. I'm gonna take you
out tomorrow nightCopy !req
48. and make you forget about
this soul mate stuff.Copy !req
49. We're gonna meet some chicks.Copy !req
50. Not women, but chicks.Copy !req
51. This angel's gonna be
your wing man.Copy !req
52. See what I did there?
Angel, wing man.Copy !req
53. For the last time, Jimmy,
we don't get your wordplay.Copy !req
54. Dumb it down for us.Copy !req
55. I could go out tomorrow.Copy !req
56. Good. Now this is the
portion of the dayCopy !req
57. where-where Sara chastises me
for corrupting our son.Copy !req
58. Go ahead, Sara.
Nope, Gerald's an adult.Copy !req
59. He can do whatever he wants.
And you may thinkCopy !req
60. you're a sexy guardian angel,
but I'm LL Cool Mom.Copy !req
61. Would you like some cereal?Copy !req
62. No, I'm good.Copy !req
63. Thank you.Copy !req
64. You and Gerald are on the list
at Lunaris.Copy !req
65. Perfect.
Lunaris?Copy !req
66. I thought that place was over.Copy !req
67. It's hot again— Justin Bieber
peed himself there last weekend.Copy !req
68. Oh, cool. Throw me on the list.Copy !req
69. Hi, Jimmy!Copy !req
70. Hey.Copy !req
71. Why is she here?Copy !req
72. Am I supposed
to be watching the baby?Copy !req
73. She asked if she could give you
a sales pitch, and you said yes.Copy !req
74. That doesn't sound like me.Copy !req
75. Jimmy,Copy !req
76. before we get started,Copy !req
77. I'd like to order
a Donkey-tini, please.Copy !req
78. I don't know what that is.Copy !req
79. Oh, no.Copy !req
80. My friends and I love those.Copy !req
81. I guess we'll have to go
to another establishmentCopy !req
82. that does carryCopy !req
83. Donkey-tinis or
one of Donkey TonicCopy !req
84. Energy Drink's many other
delicious signature cocktailsCopy !req
85. and give them our money.Copy !req
86. This is part of
the presentation.Copy !req
87. No.
Yeah.Copy !req
88. I think you get my point, but...Copy !req
89. Nothing makes the case
for Donkey TonicCopy !req
90. like the taste.Copy !req
91. Try that.
Hmm, looks yummy.Copy !req
92. Annelise.Copy !req
93. Bravo.Copy !req
94. We'll take three cases.Copy !req
95. I could do that, or...Copy !req
96. since this is
a pyramid scheme,Copy !req
97. you could become a
distributor like me,Copy !req
98. and that's when the real money
starts pouring in.Copy !req
99. Okay, not for you.Copy !req
100. Got it. Now, let me tell you
about another schemeCopy !req
101. I'm really excited about.Copy !req
102. What if I told you that,
in three short weeks,Copy !req
103. I could have youCopy !req
104. dunking a basketball?Copy !req
105. So how do you want me
to get rid of her?Copy !req
106. Yeah, this is bad.Copy !req
107. But she's family.Copy !req
108. I mean, she's got hustle.Copy !req
109. She just never learned
from anyoneCopy !req
110. who's been around
real success before.Copy !req
111. Oh.Copy !req
112. You're gonna teach her?Copy !req
113. I'm impressed, Jimmy.Copy !req
114. You normally only help
famous peopleCopy !req
115. or people you think
might become fam...Copy !req
116. Wait, you're gonna
make me do it.Copy !req
117. Thank you.
Well, hello again.Copy !req
118. Let's try these on.Copy !req
119. Oh, do you have socks?Copy !req
120. If not, I got
cling wrap. Here.Copy !req
121. Vanessa, thank you, I
don't need these shoes.Copy !req
122. I can already dunk.Copy !req
123. You got fire, kid.Copy !req
124. You ever thought
of a mentorship?Copy !req
125. Whoa, that's crazy.Copy !req
126. I-I've always thought
I'd be perfect for that.Copy !req
127. Very good. I'll set
you up with Annelise.Copy !req
128. Thank you for believing
in me, Jimmy.Copy !req
129. Hmm.Copy !req
130. Business journal entry 62.Copy !req
131. I just got hired as a mentor.Copy !req
132. Looks... Oh.Copy !req
133. Looks like I got to update
my business card.Copy !req
134. All right,
here's the game plan.Copy !req
135. Meet a girl, hit it off,
take her home,Copy !req
136. keep it safe and spring for
the good Uber in the morning.Copy !req
137. I don't know, I mean,
the idea of using womenCopy !req
138. seems kind of sexist to me.Copy !req
139. It's sexist to assume
you're using her.Copy !req
140. Do you ever think
that she may be using you? Huh?Copy !req
141. Come on.
Hi.Copy !req
142. Hey.Copy !req
143. Yeah, sound logic, I'm in.Copy !req
144. Oh!
Move that thing.Copy !req
145. Come in.
Come in, come in.Copy !req
146. All right, cheers.
Cheers.Copy !req
147. Oopsie, I spilled vodka
in my belly button.Copy !req
148. Looks like someone
needs help.Copy !req
149. Oh, uh, here's some napkins,Copy !req
150. and please stop spilling
our vodka.Copy !req
151. Okay, okay.Copy !req
152. I'm Frankie.
Do you have a name?Copy !req
153. Yeah, uh, I'm Gerald.Copy !req
154. Hey, we both have boy names.Copy !req
155. You're cute!Copy !req
156. What do you do
when you're not being so cute?Copy !req
157. I'm kind of a stay-at-home...Copy !req
158. I develop apps.Copy !req
159. Wow, like Zuckerberg?Copy !req
160. No, not like Zuckerberg...Copy !req
161. Uh, yeah, exactly like
Zuckerberg.Copy !req
162. Wow.Copy !req
163. Yes.Copy !req
164. I'm bored!Copy !req
165. This place is dumb.Copy !req
166. Let's go home.Copy !req
167. Oh.Copy !req
168. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
169. Before you leave, I
just wanted to say hi.Copy !req
170. I'm Jimmy Martino.Copy !req
171. You look very
pretty tonight.Copy !req
172. Priya. So, what do you do?Copy !req
173. I'm, uh, I'm a restaurateur.Copy !req
174. Shutters!
Yeah.Copy !req
175. I'm such a foodie.
"Shutters" is how I say shut up.Copy !req
176. I have a fun way
of saying lots of words.Copy !req
177. Here, tell me the first word
that pops into your head.Copy !req
178. Uh, annoying.Copy !req
179. Easy, noy-noy.Copy !req
180. Nexters. That means next.Copy !req
181. Yeah?
Yeah.Copy !req
182. Mmm.Copy !req
183. Morning, sexy.Copy !req
184. Take those clothes off
and get back in here.Copy !req
185. Wait.Copy !req
186. Did we not hook up last night?Copy !req
187. No, you passed out
in the UberCopy !req
188. before you could tell him
where you live.Copy !req
189. Oh...Copy !req
190. Hold on, I got
to take this.Copy !req
191. I made you a hangover
smoothie downstairs.Copy !req
192. It's in a to-go cup, so why
don't you get it and to-go.Copy !req
193. Hey, Ger,
how'd it go last night?Copy !req
194. I just left Frankie's.Copy !req
195. Attaboy.Copy !req
196. Yup, doing the old
bus-of-shame.Copy !req
197. How's it feel to have a
one-night stand under your belt?Copy !req
198. Uh, does it count
as a one-night standCopy !req
199. if you've already made plans
for a picnic the following day?Copy !req
200. Ger, what...Copy !req
201. We were supposed to go out
and get all up into trouble,Copy !req
202. not fall in love with trouble.Copy !req
203. Hey, slow down.
Who said love?Copy !req
204. Let's see how the post-picnic
tandem bike ride goes.Copy !req
205. Oh, uh, this is my stop.Copy !req
206. Got to go.
Thanks again, wing man.Copy !req
207. No, Ger, think...Copy !req
208. Mmm.Copy !req
209. So, you and Frankie
are pretty close, right?Copy !req
210. Pretty close?Copy !req
211. Try we live in
the same building,Copy !req
212. we work at the same
payroll company,Copy !req
213. and when I got my DUI,
she drove me everywhere.Copy !req
214. Hmm.Copy !req
215. Would you say
she's relationship material?Copy !req
216. Don't get me wrong.Copy !req
217. I love Frankie,
but she's horrible.Copy !req
218. She literally cheats
on everyone she dates.Copy !req
219. We call her
Frank the Skank.Copy !req
220. I made it up.
It's hilarious.Copy !req
221. Oh, yeah, he's screwed.Copy !req
222. Edie, look, Jimmy's here.
I wonder why Jimmy's here.Copy !req
223. What does Jimmy want?Copy !req
224. Hi.Copy !req
225. Hey, listen,
have you talked to GeraldCopy !req
226. about that nightmare girl
he's dating? It's been a week.Copy !req
227. Wait, what do you mean, talk?Copy !req
228. I texted you
all that awful stuffCopy !req
229. that her friend
said about her.Copy !req
230. I figured by now
you-you'd give himCopy !req
231. one of your
nagging mom talks.Copy !req
232. No, because I'm
not a nagging mom.Copy !req
233. I'm a cool mom.Copy !req
234. I just found out
when Burning Man is.Copy !req
235. I can't make it.Copy !req
236. And I don't care what
anyone's friend says—Copy !req
237. I'm not getting between
Gerald and a girl.Copy !req
238. Apparently you don't realize
the severity of this situation.Copy !req
239. All right, I'm gonna
tell you something.Copy !req
240. But you have to promiseCopy !req
241. that you'll never tell
another living soul. Swear?Copy !req
242. Yes, fine, whatever.
All right.Copy !req
243. Summer of 2008,
I briefly dated Tila Tequila.Copy !req
244. I'll spare you the details,
but it did not end well.Copy !req
245. What does this have
to do with anything?Copy !req
246. The moral of this story is:Copy !req
247. do not fall in love
with a party girl.Copy !req
248. And I guarantee you, Gerald's
doing that right as I speak.Copy !req
249. Okay, look, I know
that you're new to this,Copy !req
250. so I'm gonna
boil this down for you.Copy !req
251. Do not meddle
in your son's love life.Copy !req
252. It will backfire.Copy !req
253. He will end up liking her more.Copy !req
254. You've just got to be
cool, man, like me.Copy !req
255. Cool like you, huh?Copy !req
256. Edie, I hate to
put you on the spot.Copy !req
257. Who's cooler,
Grandma or Jimmy?Copy !req
258. Who's cooler, me or her?Copy !req
259. Me?Copy !req
260. Yeah.Copy !req
261. Thank you.Copy !req
262. The kid said yeah.Copy !req
263. I rest my case.Copy !req
264. I know you were lying.Copy !req
265. What is this?Copy !req
266. Oh, uh, it's an
Armenian folk song.Copy !req
267. Frankie's a
quarter Armenian.Copy !req
268. You seem to know
a lot about this girlCopy !req
269. after dating her only a week.Copy !req
270. Oh, my printer's done
printing the printer.Copy !req
271. Ooh.Copy !req
272. It looks just like a 3D printer.Copy !req
273. This is how
I'll remember you, Printy.Copy !req
274. What are you doing?Copy !req
275. Oh.
(chuckles.Copy !req
276. Selling the old girl.Copy !req
277. Yeah, need a little extra cash
for a little lover's weekendCopy !req
278. with Frankie in Vegas.Copy !req
279. Oh, question.Copy !req
280. Do you get a discount
if you clean your own room?Copy !req
281. What if you, like, sleep
on top of the comforter?Copy !req
282. Uh, like, in
sleeping bags.Copy !req
283. What about if you
don't turn on the TV?Copy !req
284. What about if you don't
use the soap?Copy !req
285. Jimmy?Copy !req
286. Hi.Copy !req
287. Oh, my God.Copy !req
288. You did not bring me sushi.Copy !req
289. You love me, stalker.Copy !req
290. Guilty.Copy !req
291. Is Frankie around?Copy !req
292. Why?Copy !req
293. Threesome much? Ha.Copy !req
294. I'm gonna go get
some teriyaki sauce.Copy !req
295. Okay.Copy !req
296. "Aunt eater"-- A-U-N-T.Copy !req
297. Does anyone else know
about this Far Side?Copy !req
298. Funny.Copy !req
299. Hey, lover.Copy !req
300. Hi. Ow.Copy !req
301. Loud.Copy !req
302. Um, well, you know,
it was good seeing you.Copy !req
303. Can you point me
to Frankie's, um, work pen?Copy !req
304. Uh, I want to talk to her.Copy !req
305. Well, she's with Roger, our
CEO, at a business lunchCopy !req
306. they were supposed to be
back from an hour ago,Copy !req
307. aka, they're
totally boning.Copy !req
308. She's cheating
on Gerald with her boss?Copy !req
309. Did I hear
"cheating"?Copy !req
310. Are we talking
about the PatriotsCopy !req
311. or are we talking about
Roger and Frankie?Copy !req
312. Guys, come on.Copy !req
313. Roger's a married man.Copy !req
314. I'm sure they're
just having lunch...Copy !req
315. delivered by
room service.Copy !req
316. That's my boyfriend.Copy !req
317. He's my new boyfriend.Copy !req
318. And this is the dream factory.Copy !req
319. This is where I shoot
my makeup tutorials,Copy !req
320. I run my businesses, and I come
up with ideas for new ones.Copy !req
321. "Miniature elephants"?Copy !req
322. Super-small.Copy !req
323. Why don't we
just get started.Copy !req
324. What are your
long-term goals?Copy !req
325. Ooh, good question...
for me to ask you.Copy !req
326. What are your long-term goals?Copy !req
327. My goals don't matter.Copy !req
328. Wrong, they do matter.Copy !req
329. You matter.Copy !req
330. Please just
say your goals.Copy !req
331. I wanted to look at patio
furniture before work.Copy !req
332. I think we zeroed
in on what the problem is.Copy !req
333. Bad attitude.Copy !req
334. Wait, what do you think
is happening here?Copy !req
335. Oh, God, you think
you're mentoring me?Copy !req
336. Yes. No?Copy !req
337. Why on earth would
I need your advice?
Excuse me?Copy !req
338. No offense, but you're the most
scattered person I've ever met.Copy !req
339. If you're going
to be successful,Copy !req
340. you've got to
pick one thing.Copy !req
341. Well, I'm sorry
for having dreams,Copy !req
342. for wanting to be more than
just "Jimmy's assistant."Copy !req
343. Everybody has dreams.Copy !req
344. I was gonna be
a soul singer.Copy !req
345. But, like most people,
I grew up and found a real job.Copy !req
346. So first and
last lesson:Copy !req
347. grow the hell up.Copy !req
348. Hey, you're in my house.Copy !req
349. No, I'm in your parents' house.Copy !req
350. Business journal entry 63.Copy !req
351. Had to kick a girl's ass today.Copy !req
352. Guess again.
Oh, we can do this.Copy !req
353. Peekaboo!Copy !req
354. Oh, hi, monkey-pie.Copy !req
355. Oh, how was your nap?Copy !req
356. Come here.Copy !req
357. Oh, look at you.Copy !req
358. And then Elaine in accounting
said that she heardCopy !req
359. noises coming
from Roger's office,Copy !req
360. and then... and then
Jerry from I.T.,Copy !req
361. he said he definitely
heard noises,Copy !req
362. and they were sex noises.Copy !req
363. Wait, I-I thought
Jerry was from HR.Copy !req
364. No, Gary is from HR.
Gary from HR.Copy !req
365. Pay attention,
Victor.Copy !req
366. So I should do something
about this, right?Copy !req
367. No.
Uh-uh, no.Copy !req
368. Absolutely do nothing.
Nada, nada.Copy !req
369. Got it. So you guys
are on the fence.Copy !req
370. No, we're
really not.
Actually, it's...Copy !req
371. What if I told you
there was a wayCopy !req
372. to expose Frankie
for the cheater she isCopy !req
373. without having to lift a finger?Copy !req
374. If this is your stupid
"Ryan's Roses" knockoff,Copy !req
375. I'm not interested.Copy !req
376. Um, "knockoff"?Copy !req
377. No, this is
completely different.Copy !req
378. "Ravi's Rezzies"Copy !req
379. offers the
suspected cheaterCopy !req
380. a romantic dinner
for two at Jimmy's.Copy !req
381. If he shows up with his wife,
then we're down a dinner,Copy !req
382. but if he shows up
with his mistress,Copy !req
383. then he, sir,
has been "Rezzied."Copy !req
384. No... All right,
I'm not interested.Copy !req
385. And how is this any different
than "Ryan's Roses"?Copy !req
386. Seacrest does it on the radio.Copy !req
387. No, uh, you know what,
I'm just gonna call Gerald.Copy !req
388. I'm gonna tell him
this girl's cheating on him.Copy !req
389. Or you can tell
him in person.Copy !req
390. He just sat down.Copy !req
391. Dad, you remember Frankie.Copy !req
392. Of course!
Try the calamari.Copy !req
393. Can I speak with you
real fast, please?Copy !req
394. What's going on here?Copy !req
395. Gerald thought
it would be niceCopy !req
396. if we had dinner
with his girlfriend.Copy !req
397. She's his
girlfriend now?Copy !req
398. Frankie is cheating
on Gerald with her boss.Copy !req
399. They hooked up at lunch today.Copy !req
400. If you would have heard Mark
from accounting do the noises,Copy !req
401. you'd be just
as pissed as I am.Copy !req
402. What the hell are
you talking about?Copy !req
403. Did you go to her office?Copy !req
404. No. Y-Yes.Copy !req
405. Wow, I thought you were
the cool detached guy.Copy !req
406. When did you become
a Jewish mother?Copy !req
407. Okay, we are gonna go
back to that table,Copy !req
408. and you are not gonna
do anything stupidCopy !req
409. while we get to know
our son's girlfriend,Copy !req
410. who he really likes,
which is all that matters.Copy !req
411. Oh, apparently you don't
care about cheating.Copy !req
412. What, are you a Patriots fan?Copy !req
413. It's a sports... thing.Copy !req
414. Hi. May I join you?
Hey.Copy !req
415. Yeah. I'm so glad
you can eat with us.Copy !req
416. I can't promise
how much I'll eat,Copy !req
417. 'cause I had a "late
working lunch" today.Copy !req
418. Anyone else hereCopy !req
419. have a "working lunch"Copy !req
420. that went "late"?Copy !req
421. Going pretty hard
on those air quotes.Copy !req
422. So, Frankie, we've heard so many
great things about you.Copy !req
423. Oh, my gosh, that's
such a reliefCopy !req
424. considering the first
impression I made at the club.Copy !req
425. Jimmy, I asked Gerald
to set up this dinnerCopy !req
426. because I wanted you to know
that was not me.Copy !req
427. I'm not a club person,
but some coworkers wantedCopy !req
428. to take me out to
celebrate a promotion,Copy !req
429. and what was supposed to
be one glass of proseccoCopy !req
430. turned into me force-feeding
your son vodkaCopy !req
431. off of my stomach.
Yeah.Copy !req
432. But the real reason that
I wanted to meet you:Copy !req
433. free dinner.Copy !req
434. She's funny. I feel like
I'm in The Far Side.Copy !req
435. I love free meals.
Who bought you lunch?Copy !req
436. Oh, gosh, don't get me
started on that.Copy !req
437. I have this really
creepy bossCopy !req
438. who drags me to so-called
business lunchesCopy !req
439. and hits on me the entire
time— it's the worst.Copy !req
440. Well, that is a horrible
and very believable reasonCopy !req
441. for you to have a late lunch
with your boss.Copy !req
442. Gerald...Copy !req
443. Are you sure?
Uh...Copy !req
444. I thought we were
cutting back on the carbs.Copy !req
445. Yes. Sorry.Copy !req
446. Well, don't put it back
after you touched it!Copy !req
447. Oop. Now there's
olive oil on your shirt.Copy !req
448. Great. Okay.
Up. Come on.Copy !req
449. Sorry. Yeah.Copy !req
450. Oh, I can't take
him anywhere.Copy !req
451. That's my son.Copy !req
452. That bitch has got to go.Copy !req
453. You forgot this.Copy !req
454. Thanks.Copy !req
455. So you think
I'm a mess, huh?Copy !req
456. Yeah.
You're a mess,Copy !req
457. your ideas suck, and
you sell an energy drinkCopy !req
458. that exploded
a cow heart in testing.Copy !req
459. Hey, the cow had
a pre-existing condition.Copy !req
460. But you've got
something more valuableCopy !req
461. than good ideas:
you're fearless.Copy !req
462. Maybe someday you can
teach me a thing or two.Copy !req
463. What are you doing?Copy !req
464. Teaching you
a thing or two.Copy !req
465. Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands togetherCopy !req
466. for the soulful stylings
of Annelise Wilkinson.Copy !req
467. This is your passion.Copy !req
468. Get up here.
Be fearless.Copy !req
469. Hi.Copy !req
470. "Tempted" by Squeeze.Copy !req
471. Take it up a half step.Copy !req
472. Keep it in the pocket.
Count it off.Copy !req
473. Did she ask me
if she could do that?Copy !req
474. Maybe in an e-mail.Copy !req
475. We cannot have
our son's girlfriendCopy !req
476. bossing him around
like that.Copy !req
477. Who does she think she is,
the bread police?Copy !req
478. Ooh, look at you.Copy !req
479. I thought you were
LL Chill Mom.Copy !req
480. LL Cool Mom.
LL Cool Mom.Copy !req
481. Frankie just got a textCopy !req
482. from somebody
called "Big Daddy."Copy !req
483. Ooh, I'll bet
that's her boss.Copy !req
484. We shouldn't look
at it though, right?Copy !req
485. No, definitely not.Copy !req
486. And then
Big Daddy wrote,Copy !req
487. "You know who wants you
so bad? Little Daddy."Copy !req
488. Ugh! He's got a name for it?Copy !req
489. That old perv.Copy !req
490. Scroll up, scroll up.Copy !req
491. Oh, oh, oh, look.Copy !req
492. Two hours ago, she wrote,
"I can't waitCopy !req
493. "for you to zap this bass.Copy !req
494. "Oops, autocorrect, haha.Copy !req
495. But seriously,
I want you to tap this..."Copy !req
496. Okay, that is enough.
Why are youCopy !req
497. looking at Frankie's phone?Copy !req
498. Uh...Copy !req
499. Gerald, you should
know something.Copy !req
500. Hey, boo! Thought I'd bring
by some homemade brownies,Copy !req
501. since someone brought meCopy !req
502. sushi at work today.Copy !req
503. Holy crap.
You were at her work today?Copy !req
504. Yes, because...Copy !req
505. Priya, I'm in love with you.Copy !req
506. Oh, my God,
it's happening...Copy !req
507. And it's "Pree-ya."Copy !req
508. "Pree-ya."
And while I was there,Copy !req
509. I found out she's having
an affair with her boss.
What?Copy !req
510. I can't believe
I won Ravi's Rezzies.Copy !req
511. I never win anything!Copy !req
512. Yeah!Copy !req
513. Maybe a table
away from the stage.Copy !req
514. Roger?
Frankie?Copy !req
515. Priya?Copy !req
516. That's Roger?
Yeah.Copy !req
517. What? Who?Copy !req
518. Hey! Ravi from Ravi's Rezzies.Copy !req
519. You must be Roger.
Roger, tell us,Copy !req
520. who did you chooseCopy !req
521. to share you
Rezzie with?Copy !req
522. My wife, Evelyn.Copy !req
523. Well, g-good news, everyone.
This guy checks out.Copy !req
524. All right, back to the kitchen.Copy !req
525. Dad, what the hell
is going on?Copy !req
526. Well, I went to their office
because I knew she was bad newsCopy !req
527. and, you know, I wanted
to have a chill conversation.Copy !req
528. And to bring me sushi.Copy !req
529. You know, it might
not be with Roger,Copy !req
530. but she's definitely
having an affair with someone.Copy !req
531. Who's "Big Daddy"?Copy !req
532. I am. I'm Big Daddy.Copy !req
533. Barf.
I've been
developing an appCopy !req
534. that lets you send out texts
you write ahead of timeCopy !req
535. and deliver them
whenever you want.Copy !req
536. I thought it'd be
a fun, sexy wayCopy !req
537. to surprise Frankie
during dinner.Copy !req
538. It wasn't.
But I don't understand.Copy !req
539. If you and Roger
aren't a thing,Copy !req
540. then why does
everyone at your workCopy !req
541. think you're
sleeping together?Copy !req
542. Mmm, risotto.Copy !req
543. Oh, my God,
are you stillCopy !req
544. spreading rumors about
me, you psychopath?Copy !req
545. I drove you around
for a year!Copy !req
546. "Pree-ya..."
Priya, I don't love you anymore.Copy !req
547. I understand.Copy !req
548. And quite frankly,Copy !req
549. I have some things
to work through.Copy !req
550. Well, maybe we should all,
uh, take turnsCopy !req
551. apologizing
to one another.Copy !req
552. Mm-hmm. You first.Copy !req
553. No, thanks.Copy !req
554. Let's go.Copy !req
555. Whoo!Copy !req
556. I feel amazing.Copy !req
557. I need a drink.Copy !req
558. Any chance you
want to make out?Copy !req
559. No, never mind.Copy !req
560. Unless you're into it.Copy !req
561. You know you sang
like ass, right?Copy !req
562. Yeah. That's why
I feel amazing.Copy !req
563. I know I made the right decision
giving up on my dream.Copy !req
564. I guess I was
your mentor after all.Copy !req
565. Huh.Copy !req
566. Yeah, I guess so.Copy !req
567. Sweet!Copy !req
568. That'll be 185 bucks.Copy !req
569. Make the check out to "cash."Copy !req
570. Oh, you serious?Copy !req
571. Ger, I know you're not
talking to us,Copy !req
572. but we wanted to drop by
and give youCopy !req
573. this brand-new
3-D printer we got you.Copy !req
574. You guys seriously
bought me a...Copy !req
575. regular black-and-white
inkjet printer?Copy !req
576. Yep. The guy at the storeCopy !req
577. said he had the same one
at home. Enjoy.Copy !req
578. I tried to explain it
to him.Copy !req
579. "Works with Windows."Copy !req
580. Gerald, I don't know
what to say.Copy !req
581. We messed up.Copy !req
582. Not that
it changes anything,Copy !req
583. but I only messed up
right at the end.Copy !req
584. Honestly, I don't knowCopy !req
585. what's happening to me.Copy !req
586. I mean, sure, we all think of meCopy !req
587. as this sexy guardian angel,Copy !req
588. but I guess at the end
of the day, I...Copy !req
589. I'm just a dad.Copy !req
590. Just a normal,
sexy dad.Copy !req
591. Almost there.Copy !req
592. Guys, I appreciate
all the concern,Copy !req
593. and it makes me feel nice
to have a dadCopy !req
594. that worries about me,
but I'm an adult.Copy !req
595. All right? If I want
to get intoCopy !req
596. a serious relationship
with a girlCopy !req
597. I did body shots with
at a nightclub,Copy !req
598. I'm gonna do it. Okay?Copy !req
599. Mom, I can tell you're not
a big fan of Frankie's.
What?Copy !req
600. But she's great for me.
You know my texting app?Copy !req
601. Uh-huh.
I've wanted to make that
thing for, like, three years.Copy !req
602. And then all of a sudden,
I'm dating Frankie...Copy !req
603. boom, I got a beta version
in, like, a week.Copy !req
604. I don't know why
I'm explaining this.Copy !req
605. It doesn't really matter
if you like her,Copy !req
606. because I do.Copy !req
607. Now, if you'll
excuse me,Copy !req
608. I am going to
an insanely expensive hotelCopy !req
609. in Vegas with my lady.Copy !req
610. These pre-made sandwiches
should help offset the cost ofCopy !req
611. the Backstage Penn & Teller
Experience. VIP seats.Copy !req
612. Front row.Copy !req
613. You can't afford that.Copy !req
614. Here, let me give you
some money.Copy !req
615. Nope. Like, here I am,
meddling again.Copy !req
616. No more meddling.Copy !req
617. Meddling's okay.Copy !req
618. Hey.Copy !req
619. She'll probably want
to get her nails done.Copy !req
620. And massages.Copy !req
621. There's the whole dolphin
experience, you want to...Copy !req