1. All right, pork chop,
I got to get some stuff done,Copy !req
2. so the TV's gonna babysit
for a while, okay?Copy !req
3. Let's see what we got.Copy !req
4. Oh, look, look, look, look.Copy !req
5. This is a show
called Fruitville Friends.Copy !req
6. Looks pretty dumb,
but your dad saysCopy !req
7. I can't show you The Sopranos.Copy !req
8. So here. Enjoy the fruit.Copy !req
9. Banana, yippee-yo, yippee-yay.Copy !req
10. Wait. Is that banana voice
by Snoop Dogg?Copy !req
11. It sounds like Snoop Dogg,
doesn't it?Copy !req
12. Let's get bizzle, my fo shizzle.
Well, that's pretty cool.Copy !req
13. I wonder if anyone else
had noticed that.Copy !req
14. Da.
Yeah. I love Snoop Dogg.Copy !req
15. Look at them—
they're doing CrossFit,Copy !req
16. but they're calling it
CrossFruit.Copy !req
17. CrossFruit.
Yeah, smart stuff.Copy !req
18. It's like there's a whole level
that's just for adults.Copy !req
19. I wonder if they do that
on purpose.Copy !req
20. Almond Schwarzenegger.Copy !req
21. Hmm. No, don't turn that.
I want to see this.Copy !req
22. This is good.Copy !req
23. Did that bunch of grapesCopy !req
24. just ask those melons
if they're real?Copy !req
25. That's racy.Copy !req
26. Now that's juicy.Copy !req
27. That's not a bad-looking fruit,
actually.Copy !req
28. Oh, right, it's dinnertime.Copy !req
29. Just, uh,
go get whatever you wantCopy !req
30. out of the fridge.
Go ahead.Copy !req
31. best in the state.Copy !req
32. That's it?Copy !req
33. The whole series ends
with the screen going black?Copy !req
34. N-Now I'll never know what
happened to Tony Strawberry.Copy !req
35. This is insane.Copy !req
36. Oh...Copy !req
37. See what they did there?Copy !req
38. It's the same ending
as The Sopranos.Copy !req
39. Oh, God. Fruitville
Friends does it again.Copy !req
40. My trouble is, you know,
figuring out a wayCopy !req
41. for Vanessa to see me as more
than a friend, you know?Copy !req
42. Ignore her. Girls thinks
that's super romantic.Copy !req
43. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the hell is this?Copy !req
44. You're taking romance advice
from this prepubescent ninja?Copy !req
45. Nice try.
Post-pubescent.
Jordan's my friend.Copy !req
46. He lives next-door.
Gerald,Copy !req
47. you have me now, all right?Copy !req
48. Let me give you advice on girls,Copy !req
49. and let Jordan
give you adviceCopy !req
50. on how to karate chop
a lampshade.Copy !req
51. Gentlemen, forgive me
for interrupting the think tank.Copy !req
52. Gerald, you
should let meCopy !req
53. set you up with my friend Heidi
from work.Copy !req
54. she's got a PhD,
she was in the Peace Corps.Copy !req
55. So she's not hot?Copy !req
56. Oh, my God, Gerald,
you need to go out with her.Copy !req
57. This looks like a girl thatCopy !req
58. you two nerds designed
in a computer.Copy !req
59. Sorry. Not interested.Copy !req
60. Got to go.Copy !req
61. Sure is terrible that GeraldCopy !req
62. isn't interested in your hot,
smart coworker.Copy !req
63. Oh, ho-ho, no,
no, no, no.Copy !req
64. Come on, fix me up with her.
No.Copy !req
65. What? Why?
Because I like her,Copy !req
66. and she's out
of your league.Copy !req
67. Out of my league?Copy !req
68. I'm a catch.
I have sophistication,Copy !req
69. I have class.Copy !req
70. Let me read your last
ten text messages.Copy !req
71. It's not my fault
if a girl wants to send me
pictures of her butt.Copy !req
72. Give it up, Jimmy.Copy !req
73. She wouldn't be into you.Copy !req
74. What's that supposed to mean?Copy !req
75. And-and if you recall,
you used to be into me.Copy !req
76. I also used to drink
Jagermeister for breakfast.Copy !req
77. The two may or may not
be related.Copy !req
78. What's her name?Copy !req
79. Diane Never-gonna-
happen-stein.Copy !req
80. I love Jewish girls.
What's her number?Copy !req
81. You're really not
gonna give up, are you?Copy !req
82. Never.
Fine. Here's her number.Copy !req
83. Watch the pro work.Copy !req
84. Out of my league.Copy !req
85. Give it up, Jimmy.Copy !req
86. And how can you
not know my number?Copy !req
87. We have a child together.Copy !req
88. All right, when Sara comes out
to reception, stall her.Copy !req
89. I'm gonna go in back
and try to track this girl down.Copy !req
90. Any questions?
Yes.Copy !req
91. What the hell are you thinking?Copy !req
92. Sara thinks this girl's
out of my league.Copy !req
93. Can you believe that?
I'm gonna meet this girl,Copy !req
94. I'm gonna prove Sara wrong.
Any other questions?Copy !req
95. Yes. When you said
my job would be 90%
restaurant-related,Copy !req
96. were you mistaken
or just lying?Copy !req
97. Always assume I'm lying.
Nice shirt, by the way.Copy !req
98. Thanks.Copy !req
99. Wait.Copy !req
100. Annelise.Copy !req
101. What are you doing here?Copy !req
102. Jimmy's in your office.Copy !req
103. I'm not doing this.Copy !req
104. Jimmy.Copy !req
105. What are you doing?Copy !req
106. Hacking into your mainframe.Copy !req
107. I've got to find Heidi's office.Copy !req
108. Where's the open Apple key?Copy !req
109. This is highly unethical.Copy !req
110. Do you think I like
committing cyber crime? I don't.Copy !req
111. But I'll do it to find love;
I'll do it to find my Amal.Copy !req
112. You're what?
My Ama... The woman
who tamed George Clooney.Copy !req
113. I want to find that woman
to tame me— Amal Alamud... din.Copy !req
114. You do not want to find
your Amal Alamuddin.Copy !req
115. You just want what
you don't have.Copy !req
116. That's not true.
And if you're not willingCopy !req
117. to help me find my personal
improvement and self growth,Copy !req
118. then I'm gonna sit here
and work on your computer.Copy !req
119. Fine, you win! Come on.
Good.Copy !req
120. And you did not hack
into my mainframe,Copy !req
121. you typed "mainframe"
into a word document.Copy !req
122. Heidi?Copy !req
123. Hey, Heidi, remember
when you saidCopy !req
124. you were willing to be set up.
This is Jimmy.Copy !req
125. This is your son?Copy !req
126. Yes.
No. My son is a
25-year-old man.Copy !req
127. This is a 50-year-old boy.Copy !req
128. Okay, sure. Why not?
He's attractive.Copy !req
129. Oh, thank you.
And seeing as I'm in the middleCopy !req
130. of a session, there's really no
graceful way to get out of it.Copy !req
131. See? This is exactly
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
132. I feel like
I'm invisible to everyone.Copy !req
133. I-I see you,
and I like your shirt.Copy !req
134. Thank you.Copy !req
135. And you are attractive.Copy !req
136. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
137. Come in.
Hey.Copy !req
138. Hey. Have a seat. I'm just
pulling up Edie's calendar.Copy !req
139. So... yeah,Copy !req
140. it's a pretty typical month;
no real curveballs.Copy !req
141. Oh, uh, do you still have to be
in court next MondayCopy !req
142. for selling those library books?Copy !req
143. Do you want to have sex?
Okay.Copy !req
144. Dope.Copy !req
145. Dude! Someone's
got some new moves.Copy !req
146. Well, that's 'cause someone read
a book about female sexualityCopy !req
147. that was recommended
in Lena Dunham's newsletter.Copy !req
148. Oh, burned, like, 200 calories.Copy !req
149. I'm gonna have some chocolate.Copy !req
150. So, hey...Copy !req
151. you know, I've
been thinking.Copy !req
152. Dating as a single parent
really sucks, right?Copy !req
153. It's hard to
find free time.Copy !req
154. And then when you do
have free time,Copy !req
155. it's weird bringing
random guys around Edie.Copy !req
156. How random?
But then it gets so lonely.Copy !req
157. The nights can be so cold.Copy !req
158. Maybe the answer's right here.Copy !req
159. Oh, my God, it's happening.Copy !req
160. G?
Yeah?Copy !req
161. You want to meet up for sex
a few times a week?Copy !req
162. I'm sorry, what?
You know, meet up, get it on,Copy !req
163. and just go about our lives,
like...Copy !req
164. friends with benefits
who had a surprise baby.Copy !req
165. Yes. Perfect.Copy !req
166. I mean, who wants to be
in a relationship?Copy !req
167. Not this sex machine.Copy !req
168. Right?Copy !req
169. Yeah.Copy !req
170. It's Code Amal here, people.Copy !req
171. Let's step it up!Copy !req
172. Anyone who doesn't want Jimmy
to find love tonight,Copy !req
173. get out of my kitchen.
I used to
date Jimmy.Copy !req
174. Yes, you've managed to tell me
that easily hundreds of times.Copy !req
175. He used to tell me
that I was his Amal.Copy !req
176. In 1995?Copy !req
177. Are you calling me a liar?Copy !req
178. They're here.
White Victor.Copy !req
179. Ready to watch
a master at work?Copy !req
180. I think you'll enjoy
tonight's wine selection.Copy !req
181. A Bordeaux bottled
June 8, 1980—Copy !req
182. That's my birthday.
No!Copy !req
183. That's very sweet.Copy !req
184. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
185. And the wine seems lovely.Copy !req
186. Uh, it is.Copy !req
187. $300.Copy !req
188. Time for the Kobe beef routine.Copy !req
189. Pure genius.Copy !req
190. Ooh, the Kobe beef!Copy !req
191. Cindy, are you okay?
Oh.Copy !req
192. I'm so sorry!
I just ruined your Kobe beef!Copy !req
193. I don't care about
the Kobe beef.Copy !req
194. Are you all right?
Yeah.Copy !req
195. Okay, and how's your sick
grandmother, Alice?Copy !req
196. Who?
Okay, okay.Copy !req
197. Oh.Copy !req
198. And last but not least,
we send in the closer.Copy !req
199. Plot twist— he's been standing
next to you the whole time.Copy !req
200. Me.Copy !req
201. I'm so sorry!Copy !req
202. A V.I.P. is outside
and wants to say hello.Copy !req
203. Excuse me, I have
a V.I.P. right here.Copy !req
204. It's Lionel Richie!Copy !req
205. I don't care.Copy !req
206. Can I meet Lionel Richie?Copy !req
207. No, he doesn't want
to meet you.Copy !req
208. Hey, Ravi!
Hey.Copy !req
209. Hey, did last night go
as well as it seemed?Copy !req
210. I trust my meat loaf
was an aphrodisiac?Copy !req
211. I just texted her
for a second date.Copy !req
212. Hey, how'd it go with Vanessa?Copy !req
213. Well, I'm not really
one to kiss and tell.Copy !req
214. Yeah, who am I kidding?Copy !req
215. I already told everyone
on the bus over here.Copy !req
216. We had sex!Copy !req
217. Attaboy!Copy !req
218. Look at this,
the Martino brothers on fire.Copy !req
219. Yeah, except my last
name's not Martino.Copy !req
220. And we're not brothers.Copy !req
221. Uh, but here's the thing—
she just wantsCopy !req
222. to keep having sex and
not be in a relationship.Copy !req
223. I'm so proud of you.Copy !req
224. Oh, whoa.Copy !req
225. Did you hear that?Copy !req
226. She wants to use
him for his body.Copy !req
227. But I want to use me
for my heart, too.Copy !req
228. What...?
You've got to be kidding.Copy !req
229. I'm just not sure I can
turn off my feelings.Copy !req
230. Well, it's simple—
listen to your instinctsCopy !req
231. and go the exact opposite.Copy !req
232. What are your instincts
telling you?Copy !req
233. Um, come here and have RaviCopy !req
234. help me bake a loaf
of fresh bread for Vanessa?Copy !req
235. Terrible idea.
Don't do that.Copy !req
236. Oh, maybe it's Heidi.Copy !req
237. Yes.Copy !req
238. Nice, Dad!Copy !req
239. No, not nice.Copy !req
240. Why not?Copy !req
241. I mean, she's definitely
gonna let you know.Copy !req
242. And knowing's
half the battle.Copy !req
243. See, she's saying she's busy.Copy !req
244. Fake enthusiasm.Copy !req
245. Exclamation points.Copy !req
246. That's a textbook blow-off.Copy !req
247. Everything okay, Jimmy?Copy !req
248. What?
Yeah, I'm fine, fine.Copy !req
249. Well, it sounds like she
really loved my meat loaf.Copy !req
250. Maybe I should
make a run at her.Copy !req
251. Heidi turned me down
for a second date.Copy !req
252. Yeah, that's
what I said would happen.Copy !req
253. Look at me—
I'm a wreck.Copy !req
254. I'm binging on ice cream.Copy !req
255. That's
not ice cream.Copy !req
256. That's a tiny fat-free
Italian ice.Copy !req
257. And stop
acting heartbroken.Copy !req
258. You only like HeidiCopy !req
259. because she doesn't like you.Copy !req
260. That's not true!Copy !req
261. She's different.Copy !req
262. She's smart.
She's accomplished.Copy !req
263. What the heck's
the matter with her?Copy !req
264. What?
Hey, Heidi.Copy !req
265. Sorry if I came across
as an arrogant,Copy !req
266. flashy dope last night.Copy !req
267. Hey, give me that!
What are you doing?
Just...Copy !req
268. Ah...Copy !req
269. I would love to start over.Copy !req
270. Dinner tonight?Copy !req
271. Hey!Copy !req
272. There you go.Copy !req
273. Godspeed.Copy !req
274. What magic was that?Copy !req
275. Wait, don't go!Copy !req
276. Now what do I do?Copy !req
277. I can't help you.
I have an errand to run.Copy !req
278. All right,
I'll go with you.Copy !req
279. Really?
Yep.Copy !req
280. Got another shot at this.Copy !req
281. I don't want
to blow it again.Copy !req
282. Where's the errand?Copy !req
283. Palm Springs.Copy !req
284. Palm Springs,
Palm Springs?Copy !req
285. All right, got this.
Be cool.Copy !req
286. It's just casual sex.Copy !req
287. Wow, you look...Copy !req
288. So, you're just not gonna
finish that sentence?Copy !req
289. So?Copy !req
290. I didn't bake you any bread.Copy !req
291. Um, okay.Copy !req
292. That's right.Copy !req
293. No bread, just sex.Copy !req
294. Got it, pal?Copy !req
295. Are you broken?
What's happening?Copy !req
296. What's happening is that
I'm gonna obliterate you.Copy !req
297. I'm sorry.Copy !req
298. I'm just tryingCopy !req
299. to fight my instincts here.Copy !req
300. I'm-I'm a bit of a romantic.Copy !req
301. Just relax, okay?Copy !req
302. Be yourself.Copy !req
303. Yeah.
Okay.Copy !req
304. Um, yeah.Copy !req
305. You know, I just got a text.Copy !req
306. My mom.Copy !req
307. She wants me
to go pick up Edie.Copy !req
308. Maybe we try
this again later, maybe.Copy !req
309. What is wrong with me?Copy !req
310. Come on, your friends with her.Copy !req
311. Tell me what to do
on the date tonight.Copy !req
312. Give me some bullet points.Copy !req
313. No, there are no bullet
points, I'm sorry.Copy !req
314. You want me to drop you
off at the outlets?Copy !req
315. You know what it is?Copy !req
316. You don't want
to give me advice,Copy !req
317. because you don't
want me to find anyone.Copy !req
318. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
319. I just want to keep
you all to myself.Copy !req
320. Turn this air on.Copy !req
321. My-my sweat is
staining out my shirt.Copy !req
322. Okay, wait, now, don't
turn it above twoCopy !req
323. or the car will blow up.Copy !req
324. Why are we going
to Palm Springs anyway?Copy !req
325. I got to get back.Copy !req
326. I am going to Palm SpringsCopy !req
327. because of a lovely woman
from the InternetCopy !req
328. who is selling the exact
hand wheel clutchCopy !req
329. I need for my
sewing machine.Copy !req
330. You know what I just heard—
grandma, grandma,Copy !req
331. hand wheel clutch, grandma,
grandma, machine.Copy !req
332. Yeah, well, see?Copy !req
333. That's the difference
between you and me.Copy !req
334. I own who I am.Copy !req
335. I am a grandmother.Copy !req
336. Clearly, your blinker's
been on for 25 minutes.Copy !req
337. Yeah, well, good,
because we're just aboutCopy !req
338. to make a turn
in 40 miles.Copy !req
339. Ah-ha, ah-ha.
You know what?Copy !req
340. This is your problem
with Heidi.Copy !req
341. What?Copy !req
342. You are obsessed
with presentingCopy !req
343. this perfect image,
instead of being authentic.Copy !req
344. Really?
Yeah, your clothing,Copy !req
345. your personality,Copy !req
346. that ridiculous story
that you always tellCopy !req
347. about why you can't
be around dogs.Copy !req
348. That is a real story.
No.Copy !req
349. And a fan favorite.Copy !req
350. Please, you actually
pulled a stray dogCopy !req
351. Mm-hmm.
out of a storm drainCopy !req
352. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
353. and bottle fed it
all night?Copy !req
354. Yes, and I held it
in my arms until he died.Copy !req
355. Dr. Kirkbaum said
he had dog cancer.Copy !req
356. After little Blackie, I refuse
to get attached to any other...Copy !req
357. Okay, it's fake.Copy !req
358. Ha! I knew it!Copy !req
359. You're ridiculous.Copy !req
360. You're ridiculous.Copy !req
361. Look, how do you expect
to find your AmalCopy !req
362. if you can't even be real?Copy !req
363. You're always Mr. Never
Let Them See You Sweat.Copy !req
364. No, that's your own personal axe
to grind with me.Copy !req
365. Hey, look, you
asked my advice.Copy !req
366. You jumped in my car.Copy !req
367. Your hot car.Copy !req
368. Is it hot?
Yeah.Copy !req
369. I mean,
let's turn this thing up.Copy !req
370. Don't do that.
Look at my shirt.Copy !req
371. I said don't put it above two.
I'm sweating my shirt...Copy !req
372. It's-it's two and a half,
it's...
Stop! Car can't...Copy !req
373. I'm guessing you're
not pulling over to make out.Copy !req
374. Yep, just what I thought.Copy !req
375. Looks like it was the dumb-ass
standing next to me.Copy !req
376. Here.Copy !req
377. Will this help?Copy !req
378. You are unbelievable.Copy !req
379. All right, stand back.Copy !req
380. Please.Copy !req
381. All right, yeah.Copy !req
382. Interesting.
Interesting.Copy !req
383. Are you just using
the hood for shade?Copy !req
384. Well, I do have a date tonight.Copy !req
385. Okay, see that
silver cap?
Yeah.Copy !req
386. All right, unscrew that and
tell me if it's empty in there.Copy !req
387. Give me your shirt.
What?Copy !req
388. I need a rag.
This is not a rag.Copy !req
389. It's not a shirt.Copy !req
390. All right, I'll be
the bigger man here.Copy !req
391. Aha!Copy !req
392. Empty.Copy !req
393. Thank you.Copy !req
394. Come on.
Where we going?Copy !req
395. We need coolant, and there's
a gas station two miles up.Copy !req
396. Are you using me
for shade?Copy !req
397. Well, you were blessed with
a big head. Share your gift.Copy !req
398. Come on. Come on, race
you there. Come on!Copy !req
399. Hey.Copy !req
400. Hey, are you sure
you want to try this again?Copy !req
401. Oh, oh!Copy !req
402. I think I can smell wine
coming out of your pores.Copy !req
403. How many glasses did
you have last night?Copy !req
404. How many are
in two bottles?Copy !req
405. What? Grandmas like
their Chardonnay.Copy !req
406. Come on,
pick up the pace.Copy !req
407. My legs are cramping. I'm
hungry. Do you have food?Copy !req
408. I have a granola bar.Copy !req
409. How much sugar
does it have in it?Copy !req
410. What?Copy !req
411. What are you
laughing at?Copy !req
412. Look at you!Copy !req
413. You remember
Rambo III?
Of course.Copy !req
414. Okay, remember
how you thoughtCopy !req
415. that was gonna be the movie
of the century?
Was.Copy !req
416. You made us camp
outside the theaterCopy !req
417. for, like, 18 hours
in that hot little tent.Copy !req
418. Uh-huh, I remember.Copy !req
419. You got so gross
and sweaty.Copy !req
420. Worth it.
No, it was not
worth it.Copy !req
421. No one else camped out,
and that theater was empty.Copy !req
422. My point is,
you're kind of reminding meCopy !req
423. of that sweaty tent guy.Copy !req
424. In a good way.Copy !req
425. You know, it's nice to see you
a little rough around the edges.Copy !req
426. Thank you.Copy !req
427. You know, it's
difficult for me becauseCopy !req
428. the women I date expect a
certain level of polish.Copy !req
429. Oh, shut up!
Gas station!Copy !req
430. What, do I have
to carry you?Copy !req
431. That is not a sincere offer.Copy !req
432. All right, so, uh, when
do you want to meet up again?Copy !req
433. Hold on. When did you
get so good at this?Copy !req
434. Well, I found a way
to get my emotionsCopy !req
435. out of my system
before you came over.Copy !req
436. Yeah, first,
I watched some videosCopy !req
437. of soldiers reuniting
with their dogs.Copy !req
438. Cried my eyes out.Copy !req
439. Then, I busted out
some videos of deaf peopleCopy !req
440. hearing for the first time?
Cried even more.Copy !req
441. I'm dead inside.
Cool. I just
watch porn.Copy !req
442. Think you got another round
in you before Edie's up?Copy !req
443. Yeah, you bet.Copy !req
444. Just gonna watch
Susan Boyle's first audition,Copy !req
445. and I'll be right back.Copy !req
446. Yeah.Copy !req
447. You know what? I'm gonna...
I'm gonna stay here.Copy !req
448. You go inside
and get the coolant.Copy !req
449. What? Why?Copy !req
450. Well, because of
the dog? Seriously?Copy !req
451. Yes.
Well...Copy !req
452. Oh, my God, run!
Really?Copy !req
453. No! It's a basset hound,
and it's on a pink leash.Copy !req
454. I'm afraid
of dogs, okay?Copy !req
455. That's why I don't want
to be around 'em.Copy !req
456. There was no Blackie. There was
a Pumpkin, and he bit me.Copy !req
457. I was at a Little League game,Copy !req
458. taking a leak
behind the bleachers.Copy !req
459. And all of a sudden, out
of nowhere, this dog comes upCopy !req
460. and bites me
right in the ass.Copy !req
461. Yikes.
I ran off
with a...Copy !req
462. with my pants around my ankles,
crying like a baby.Copy !req
463. The whole team laughed at me.
It was awful.Copy !req
464. See, I knew I shouldn't have
told you that story.Copy !req
465. Come on. We'll go in together.Copy !req
466. Uh-uh.
Come on.Copy !req
467. Oh, hell.Copy !req
468. Yeah.Copy !req
469. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
470. It's locked!
It's locked!Copy !req
471. It's a push.
Okay.Copy !req
472. Okay, speaking
of bull crap stories,Copy !req
473. you did not sleep with Madonna
right before we started dating.Copy !req
474. I slept with Taylor Dayne.
Same thing.Copy !req
475. Hey, look at us, huh?Copy !req
476. We, uh, repaired a car.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
477. We walked through
the desert.Copy !req
478. Got your weird
Grandma sewing thing.
Yay!Copy !req
479. All in time for me
to make my date.
Right. Your date.Copy !req
480. Okay, you asked
for bullet points.Copy !req
481. Here they are.Copy !req
482. Okay, good.
Be a real person.Copy !req
483. Got it. Be a real person.
Ask questions.Copy !req
484. Listen to her answers.Copy !req
485. Right.
And if you wantCopy !req
486. extra credit, give her a call
after the dateCopy !req
487. and tell her
you had a nice time.Copy !req
488. I went all the way
to the desert for that?Copy !req
489. Get out.Copy !req
490. Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
491. Yeah.Copy !req
492. Oh. Fist grab.
Weird.Copy !req
493. That feels right.Copy !req
494. Have a good night.Copy !req
495. Yup. You, too.Copy !req
496. Uh, dude, we are crushing
this sex pals thing.Copy !req
497. Thank you, Susan Boyle.Copy !req
498. Yeah, it's not over yet.
You ready to go again?Copy !req
499. What the hell was that?Copy !req
500. Wait. What is that?
Is that a bat?Copy !req
501. I definitely
don't play baseball.Copy !req
502. Did you bring that from home?Copy !req
503. What are they doing?
Oh, that's just Jordan
and his girlfriend.Copy !req
504. She's a junior,
so... go Jordan.Copy !req
505. That is the stupidest
thing I've ever seen.Copy !req
506. They do everything
together.Copy !req
507. You sure?Copy !req
508. Oh!Copy !req
509. Ugh. Damn it.Copy !req
510. What?Copy !req
511. I'm thinking about Jordan
and his girlfriend,Copy !req
512. and I'm thinking maybe I might
want what those dorks have—Copy !req
513. a real relationship.Copy !req
514. That's all I've ever wanted.Copy !req
515. You know, we'd be a real,
normal family.Copy !req
516. Uh, but.. what if
things end badlyCopy !req
517. like every relationship
I've ever had?Copy !req
518. And what if we end up
hating each other,Copy !req
519. like every relationship
I've ever had?Copy !req
520. We'd be one of those families
that drops their kid offCopy !req
521. at each other's houses without
saying a word to each other.Copy !req
522. We can't do
this, can we?Copy !req
523. So... friends
without benefits?Copy !req
524. Friends without
benefits.Copy !req
525. One last benefit
wouldn't hurt anyone.Copy !req
526. I'm gonna
obliterate you.
Oh, good.Copy !req
527. You know, a wise woman told me
to call someoneCopy !req
528. to let 'em know I had
a nice time with them, so, uh,Copy !req
529. this is me calling to say
that I had a good time with you.Copy !req
530. You know my number.Copy !req
531. How did your date go?Copy !req
532. It was okay. I mean...Copy !req
533. I don't think I found my Amal.Copy !req
534. I'm sorry it didn't work out.Copy !req
535. It's all right.Copy !req
536. My Amal is out there somewhere.Copy !req
537. Hope you don't mind,
I used your shampoo.Copy !req
538. And your conditioner,Copy !req
539. and your volumizer,
and your finishing rinse.Copy !req
540. Heidi's at your place?Copy !req
541. Oh, just 'cause
she's not my AmalCopy !req
542. doesn't mean
she can't be my Taylor Dayne.Copy !req
543. Oh, my God.
Bye.Copy !req
544. Who were you on the phone with?
My grandma.Copy !req