1. "The only thing more delicious
than my meal last nightCopy !req
2. "was the age-defiant owner.Copy !req
3. Run don't walk
to Jimmy's Restaurant."Copy !req
4. Five stars,Copy !req
5. Anonymous2033488T.Copy !req
6. I'm glad.Copy !req
7. Hey!
That's my parking spot, chief!Copy !req
8. Oh, hey, you!Copy !req
9. Are you here?Copy !req
10. You know it. Yeah.Copy !req
11. I'll see you in a second. Bye.Copy !req
12. Um, what's the address
of the park...Copy !req
13. that I'm at?Copy !req
14. Hello?Copy !req
15. Hello?Copy !req
16. Guys, here's why
Jimmy couldn't make it.Copy !req
17. Yeah, my quake app is showing
a 2.1 magnitude in Big Bear.Copy !req
18. I knew I felt something.Copy !req
19. No, honey, what
you were feelingCopy !req
20. was frustration,
disappointment,Copy !req
21. hopefully a little rage.Copy !req
22. Let it out, Gerald.
No. Damn it!Copy !req
23. How could he do this?Copy !req
24. She turned two!Copy !req
25. He's dead to me, guys.Copy !req
26. I'm here!Copy !req
27. Hey. Jimmy!
Sorry I'm late.Copy !req
28. Good to see you, man.Copy !req
29. Oh, good, Edie, he
brought the champagne.Copy !req
30. Ooh, rough turnout.Copy !req
31. Did you even hire
a party promoter?Copy !req
32. Next time, I have a guy.Copy !req
33. No, you are two hours lateCopy !req
34. to a two-hour party, Jimmy.Copy !req
35. You missed it.
Are you serious?Copy !req
36. That's my style;
I show up fashionably lateCopy !req
37. so I don't have to have
awkward chit-chat with the host.Copy !req
38. The host was me.Copy !req
39. Clearly my plan didn't work.Copy !req
40. All right, what'd I miss?Copy !req
41. Yeah, yeah, your only
granddaughter's second birthday.Copy !req
42. Oh, I apologize, Edie.Copy !req
43. But if your party was better,
then more people would be hereCopy !req
44. and I wouldn't have missed it.Copy !req
45. I just cleaned this.Copy !req
46. Don't make me
get it dirty again.Copy !req
47. All right, I get it.Copy !req
48. I screwed up,
but you know what?Copy !req
49. I know how to make this up
to Edie. You know how?Copy !req
50. By paying
for her college education?Copy !req
51. No, I'm gonna haveCopy !req
52. an even better party for her
at my restaurant tomorrow.Copy !req
53. Everyone's invited, friends,Copy !req
54. family, important people I know.Copy !req
55. Oh, invite your brother.Copy !req
56. Is he still in Palm Springs?
Frederick?Copy !req
57. No, no, no. He's busy.Copy !req
58. Busy being a nut job?Copy !req
59. Does he still keep
that sword in his trunk?Copy !req
60. He is crazy. He is.Copy !req
61. Anyway, it's gonna be
a great party.Copy !req
62. Party starts at 1:00.
You guys all show up at...Copy !req
63. 3:00?
Now you're getting it!Copy !req
64. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
65. Listen, you don't, uh,
you don't need to do this.Copy !req
66. Have you ever even thrown
a kid's birthday party before?Copy !req
67. Gerald, I've hosted Mariah
Carey's 40th birthday partyCopy !req
68. for the last five years.Copy !req
69. I think I can throw a party
for a two-year-old kidCopy !req
70. who's not even famous.
This is what I do.Copy !req
71. This is what I like
to do, Gerald.Copy !req
72. Annelise, I need you
to throw me a party.Copy !req
73. Now? I'm visiting
my grandmother's grave.Copy !req
74. Is she going somewhere?Copy !req
75. I'll be there soon.
Good, thanks, sweetie.Copy !req
76. Oh, and tell her I said hi.
Okay.Copy !req
77. Look, if you, uh, if you really
want to crush this,Copy !req
78. it would be cool if you got
Big Bird to make an appearance.Copy !req
79. Edie and I are really huge fans.Copy !req
80. Got it. Get a bird.Copy !req
81. No, no, no, Big Bird.Copy !req
82. Yeah, all right, it'll be huge.Copy !req
83. Uh, you know, before you go, I,
uh, I wanted to askCopy !req
84. your opinion about something.
Yeah, I'd lose the shirt.Copy !req
85. What? Um, no.Copy !req
86. See, I'm working on this
whole master plan for my life.Copy !req
87. Step One: Meet my dad.Copy !req
88. Check.Copy !req
89. Step Two: Get some cool shirts.Copy !req
90. Apparently not check.Copy !req
91. Uh, Step Three: Bust out
of the friend zone with Vanessa.Copy !req
92. You guys have a baby together.Copy !req
93. I'm pretty sure the word "friend
zone" doesn't apply here.Copy !req
94. Plus, I heard feminists
don't like that term.Copy !req
95. Yeah, we don't,
but it's easier to use it.Copy !req
96. Anyway, I was thinking about
sending her anonymous hydrangeasCopy !req
97. for her 26th birthday.Copy !req
98. Then on her 27th birthday,Copy !req
99. reveal it was me.Copy !req
100. Watch your toes.Copy !req
101. Fernando, where's my raw bar?Copy !req
102. My raw bar.Copy !req
103. Rose, these are gift
certificatesCopy !req
104. for a massage at Highland Spa.Copy !req
105. Make sure every kid gets one.Copy !req
106. Okay, watch-watch the cannolis.Copy !req
107. Why the hell are we doing this?Copy !req
108. I thought we hated children.Copy !req
109. He's in the doghouseCopy !req
110. for missing
his granddaughter's b-day.Copy !req
111. Edie needs to get over herself.Copy !req
112. I'm on Team Jimmy.Copy !req
113. Bros before grandhos, right?Copy !req
114. That felt horrible to say.Copy !req
115. Guys, this isn't just
about me fixing my mistake.Copy !req
116. This is a golden opportunity
in disguise.Copy !req
117. I'm throwing a party at
my Michelin-quality restaurant,Copy !req
118. the likes of which these people
have never seen before.Copy !req
119. I'm gonna be a hero.Copy !req
120. Am I too obsessed
with being loved?Copy !req
121. Yes.
Who's to say?Copy !req
122. Oh, look, the
magician is starting.Copy !req
123. This is the trick
that killed my mentor.Copy !req
124. Hey, kid, do you know
how much that caviar costs?Copy !req
125. I'm too young to know prices.Copy !req
126. Enjoy your childhood.Copy !req
127. Because when you grow up,
the world will be out of water.Copy !req
128. Owning a restaurant?Copy !req
129. Piece of cake.Copy !req
130. Being a parent?Copy !req
131. Hardest job in
the world, right?Copy !req
132. Being a grandparent
is no cakewalk either.Copy !req
133. We don't have the energy
you all have.Copy !req
134. Well...Copy !req
135. People ask us,
"Where do you live?"Copy !req
136. We tell them, huh?Copy !req
137. "The bathroom!"Copy !req
138. I live in a modern
loft downtown.Copy !req
139. Well, this is awkward.Copy !req
140. You and me at the same party.Copy !req
141. Oh, you're the chef, right?Copy !req
142. Yeah, I think you know who I am.Copy !req
143. The chef?Copy !req
144. Look, it's totally naturalCopy !req
145. you and I would be wary
of each other.Copy !req
146. We're both kind
of like sons to Jimmy.Copy !req
147. Oh, I'm not like
a son to Jimmy.Copy !req
148. Look, I'm just gonna cut
to the chase here, bub.Copy !req
149. I feel totally
threatened by you,Copy !req
150. and I'm not sure
how to process it.Copy !req
151. Boom!Copy !req
152. I'm sorry, I didn't mean...
I'm sorry.Copy !req
153. Hey,Copy !req
154. did you, um,Copy !req
155. invite a bunch of fancy peopleCopy !req
156. to the party to show off?Copy !req
157. I'm not trying to showing off.Copy !req
158. Oh, say, did you see
Richie Sambora is playing?Copy !req
159. Oh, Sambora.Copy !req
160. You know what kids like.Copy !req
161. Wait till you taste the cake.Copy !req
162. It's tiramisu made
with Saint Lucian rum.Copy !req
163. Can the kids eat that?Copy !req
164. Oh, we have another cake.Copy !req
165. Ravi, get another cake.Copy !req
166. Gotcha.Copy !req
167. Oh, say, were you invited
to Ethan Purcell'sCopy !req
168. third birthday party
next weekend?Copy !req
169. 'Cause I was.Copy !req
170. What?Copy !req
171. Look, if it upsets
you that much,Copy !req
172. I can get you on the list.Copy !req
173. You invited my brother?Copy !req
174. Yeah,
turns out he wasn't busy.Copy !req
175. I'm gonna go say hi.
Yeah, definitely.Copy !req
176. Uh, one thing you
should know, though.Copy !req
177. Uh, he thinks you're a deadbeatCopy !req
178. who ran out on me
when I got pregnant with Gerald.Copy !req
179. What?
I didn't know you were pregnant.Copy !req
180. Why would he think that?Copy !req
181. It was something he heard...Copy !req
182. from me.Copy !req
183. Why would you lie about that?Copy !req
184. I knew my family
would think I was crazyCopy !req
185. for raising Gerald alone,
so I just made it up,Copy !req
186. so that it would seem
like it was out of my hands.Copy !req
187. Well, go tell him
the truth.Copy !req
188. I will.Copy !req
189. Eventually.Copy !req
190. But, um, if get into this now,Copy !req
191. it'll ruin Edie's party.Copy !req
192. Can you just go alongCopy !req
193. with this for now, please?Copy !req
194. All right, fine.Copy !req
195. But you owe me
for my selflessness.Copy !req
196. Eh, Gandhi in Gucci
over here.Copy !req
197. I mean, it probably
won't even come up.Copy !req
198. Hey, sis.Copy !req
199. Hey, Frederick.Copy !req
200. Jimmy, thank you so much
for inviting me.Copy !req
201. I'm gonna hit the bathroom,
get a drink,Copy !req
202. and then at some point,
I'm gonna come backCopy !req
203. and I'm gonna kill you, so...Copy !req
204. The birthday girl's here!Copy !req
205. Surprise!Copy !req
206. Surprise.
Did he say "kill"?Copy !req
207. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.Copy !req
208. Frederick, can I have a word?Copy !req
209. No.Copy !req
210. Oh.Copy !req
211. Aw, I'm kidding.Copy !req
212. Lighten up, James.Copy !req
213. You think I'm telling everybodyCopy !req
214. about what you did to Sara?Copy !req
215. No, I don't think that.
Are you?Copy !req
216. Yes.Copy !req
217. I'm kidding. No, no.Copy !req
218. I'm confused.Copy !req
219. So was Sara when you left her.Copy !req
220. Listen, about that.Copy !req
221. Could you keep that to yourself?Copy !req
222. I've invited some
very important people here.Copy !req
223. And my reputation
is important to me.Copy !req
224. But, hey, look.Copy !req
225. I feel terrible about, um,Copy !req
226. about what I did.Copy !req
227. You know what?Copy !req
228. Apology accepted.Copy !req
229. Really?Copy !req
230. No.Copy !req
231. Yes. No.
Yes?Copy !req
232. Yes. No, yes.Copy !req
233. You better eat that.Copy !req
234. What?Copy !req
235. I have to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
236. Second door on the left.Copy !req
237. What?Copy !req
238. Can you please help me?Copy !req
239. That is not my department, kid.Copy !req
240. I'm gonna go on the floor.Copy !req
241. Come on!Copy !req
242. Nope!Copy !req
243. Uh, Vanessa?Copy !req
244. I wanted to talk to you
about something.Copy !req
245. I only stole massage gift cards
from the rich kids.Copy !req
246. What?
Fine! Here.Copy !req
247. No, that's not
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
248. So-so-so sorry.Copy !req
249. Um, where do you
want the falcon?Copy !req
250. "The falcon"?Copy !req
251. Yeah, Jimmy said
you wanted a big bird.Copy !req
252. You got to be kidding me!Copy !req
253. No, I promised Edie
we'd have Big Bird.Copy !req
254. Oh, oh!Copy !req
255. See, now, that would've
been a great idea.Copy !req
256. That would've been so good.Copy !req
257. So, what did you want
to talk to me about?
Uh...Copy !req
258. Stay right here.
I'll be right back.Copy !req
259. Stay right there.Copy !req
260. Ooh, got to be honest.Copy !req
261. I don't think Jimmy
would've done that to me.Copy !req
262. Not that this is a competition.Copy !req
263. Does he hug you?Copy !req
264. He hugs me!Copy !req
265. Señor Plucky's.Copy !req
266. Excuse me?
Excuse me...Copy !req
267. Hey.Copy !req
268. Uh, big fan
of your food.Copy !req
269. Oh, nice.Copy !req
270. That's why I got
into this game.Copy !req
271. Great. Uh, uh...Copy !req
272. random question— uh,Copy !req
273. is there any way
I could, like, rentCopy !req
274. your costume for
a couple hours?Copy !req
275. I'll pay anything.Copy !req
276. Yep. I get it.Copy !req
277. Just make sure
you dry clean it.Copy !req
278. And don't videotape
anything.Copy !req
279. What are you talking about?Copy !req
280. I'm not supposed to give
the costume to furries.Copy !req
281. But, hey,
everyone deserves love.Copy !req
282. No, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
283. It's for my, uh,
two-year-old's birthday.Copy !req
284. Right.
Got it.Copy !req
285. Okay.Copy !req
286. Just, uh, here...Copy !req
287. Thanks.Copy !req
288. I'm into some weird stuff, too!Copy !req
289. I believe you.Copy !req
290. All right, kids.Copy !req
291. Who wants to sing along
with Frederick, huh?Copy !req
292. Yeah, gather around!Copy !req
293. Everybody,
come on and sit down.Copy !req
294. Sit down.Copy !req
295. All right, y'all ready?Copy !req
296. We're gonna meet
Frederick the Farmer.Copy !req
297. Yummy, yummy corn!Copy !req
298. Crunchy carrots.Copy !req
299. It's cute. I like it.
Yeah.Copy !req
300. I'm gonna go sing
with the kids.
Yeah.Copy !req
301. Dead beets!
Sing loud, kids!Copy !req
302. Like Ji—
Like Jimmy!Copy !req
303. Like Jimmy!Copy !req
304. Dead beet!
Stop...Copy !req
305. I'm a black lesbian
from the South,Copy !req
306. and this was the worst thing
I've ever been through.Copy !req
307. What the...?Copy !req
308. I have to go
to the bathroom, too.Copy !req
309. Oh...
Lise, this is terrible.Copy !req
310. Everybody hates me.
The mothers hate me.Copy !req
311. My important friends hate me.Copy !req
312. Richie Sambora hates me.
What do I do?Copy !req
313. Well, first off,
I'd try to rememberCopy !req
314. that today is supposed to be
about your granddaughter.Copy !req
315. But I'd talk to Sara and just
try to understand—Copy !req
316. Right! Edie—
it's all about Edie.Copy !req
317. That's perfect.Copy !req
318. What?
I got to go.Copy !req
319. And it looks like he does, too.Copy !req
320. Are you the bathroom lady?Copy !req
321. I used to be so much more.Copy !req
322. Attention, please!Copy !req
323. Gather around
for the traditionalCopy !req
324. grandfatherCopy !req
325. uh, granddaughter dance,Copy !req
326. I guess?Copy !req
327. You got to help me
win this crowd back.Copy !req
328. Look alive, kid.Copy !req
329. Hi.Copy !req
330. Hello, everybody.Copy !req
331. Thank you.Copy !req
332. Thank you.Copy !req
333. Now, uh, I know
I can't change the past,Copy !req
334. but like I always say,
"The children are the future."Copy !req
335. Think what you
want of me,Copy !req
336. but all I care about is what
this little lady thinks of me.Copy !req
337. Edie, may I have this dance?Copy !req
338. Okay.Copy !req
339. She said yes,
she said yes!Copy !req
340. What the hell is he doing?Copy !req
341. Yes!Copy !req
342. What's that?Copy !req
343. Oh... I love you, too.Copy !req
344. I love you, too!Copy !req
345. She loves me,
she loves me.Copy !req
346. Cherish this moment.Copy !req
347. This is a good one.Copy !req
348. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
349. Whoa!Copy !req
350. See that? She's got moves
like Jagger, doesn't she?Copy !req
351. All right, guys, stop.Copy !req
352. Stop playing. Here.Copy !req
353. Look, I know, I get it,
I get it.Copy !req
354. I can see the look in your eyes.Copy !req
355. You all think I'm a deadbeat.Copy !req
356. Well, you want to know
the truth?Copy !req
357. Sara never told me
she was pregnant with Gerald.Copy !req
358. Time out.Copy !req
359. Are you calling
my sister a liar?Copy !req
360. Well, technically, yeah.Copy !req
361. Sara, is he telling the truth?Copy !req
362. Yes.Copy !req
363. Señor Plucky!Copy !req
364. No, no, I'm Big Bird.Copy !req
365. Big Bird's here!Copy !req
366. Okay!Copy !req
367. Señor Plucky's here!Copy !req
368. Who wants
to be Señor Plucky's friend?Copy !req
369. Me!Copy !req
370. All right!Copy !req
371. On three, everyone,
"Happy birthday, Edie."Copy !req
372. One, two, three.Copy !req
373. Happy birthday, Edie.Copy !req
374. Happy birthday, marmel!Copy !req
375. Sorry I blew your cover.Copy !req
376. I tried.Copy !req
377. I just couldn't
take the heat.Copy !req
378. I know, you did try.Copy !req
379. Thank you.Copy !req
380. Did you really have
to work three jobsCopy !req
381. when Gerald was little?Copy !req
382. Yeah. I worked at the
ear-piercing place in the mall,Copy !req
383. I was a cook at Casa Pasta,
and I babysat.Copy !req
384. Kind of a poor man's
Ryan Seacrest.Copy !req
385. If things were
that hard for you,Copy !req
386. why didn't you come to me?Copy !req
387. And why didn't you tell me
you were pregnant?Copy !req
388. I was going to tell you
at the Cure concert.Copy !req
389. Remember that night?Copy !req
390. Right before we broke up,Copy !req
391. I got us tickets to
The Cure in Anaheim.Copy !req
392. We were supposed to meet
at my place first.Copy !req
393. I was doing my eye makeup.Copy !req
394. I was waiting to do yours,Copy !req
395. and at the last minute
you called and saidCopy !req
396. you were stuck
at a pool partyCopy !req
397. and you weren't gonna make it.Copy !req
398. So I went to the
show by myself.Copy !req
399. And I stood there
through the whole thing,Copy !req
400. pretending I didn't care.Copy !req
401. Until the last song—Copy !req
402. "Pictures of You."Copy !req
403. I just started bawling.Copy !req
404. I mean a snotty mess.Copy !req
405. Eye makeup everywhere.Copy !req
406. And this guy next to me
felt so bad,Copy !req
407. he put his arm around me.Copy !req
408. Then he tried to grab my boob.Copy !req
409. And you'd flaked on me
plenty of times before,Copy !req
410. but that night
I just made up my mindCopy !req
411. that you weren't capable of
being there for little Anthony.Copy !req
412. I toyed with a few names
before Gerald.Copy !req
413. You should've stuck
with Anthony.Copy !req
414. And in case you're wondering,Copy !req
415. I fully realize that I may haveCopy !req
416. made the wrong decision.Copy !req
417. What? Oh, what are you doing?Copy !req
418. Attention everyone, hi.Copy !req
419. It's me again.Copy !req
420. Uh, I was thinking aboutCopy !req
421. what I said earlier,
and, uh,Copy !req
422. you probably you don't even
remember what I said, but...Copy !req
423. That Sara lied about you
being a deadbeat?Copy !req
424. Yeah, and she hid
her pregnancy from you.Copy !req
425. Yes, those are the headlines.Copy !req
426. It's true that Sara didn't
tell me she was pregnant.Copy !req
427. But what's also true is
I deserved it.Copy !req
428. I wasn't
a very good guy back then.Copy !req
429. Just...Copy !req
430. Okay, yes, but he
was also young.Copy !req
431. And I was the one who carried
a grudge against himCopy !req
432. for 25 years instead of
giving him a chance to change.Copy !req
433. Well, I don't know
if I would have changed.Copy !req
434. If found out you
were pregnant,Copy !req
435. I don't think I could
have handled it.Copy !req
436. You blew me off for
a pool party. So what?Copy !req
437. Why are you talking
about this in front of us?Copy !req
438. It seems real private.Copy !req
439. Hey, he gave you Richie SamboraCopy !req
440. and a magician that pulledCopy !req
441. string out of his eye.Copy !req
442. He can do whatever he wants.Copy !req
443. Thank you.Copy !req
444. My point isCopy !req
445. don't be mad at Sara.Copy !req
446. I mean,Copy !req
447. she did the right thing.Copy !req
448. I wasn't ready for a family.Copy !req
449. And I'm not sure if I'm ready
for a family now,Copy !req
450. but I'm trying.Copy !req
451. I guess that's
the main takeaway for today.Copy !req
452. Isn't the main takeaway
"Happy Birthday Edie"?Copy !req
453. Oh, yeah, that too.Copy !req
454. Well, it's a tie.Copy !req
455. Good night, everybody.Copy !req
456. Wow. That's a lot of complicated
stuff for a kid's party.Copy !req
457. Yeah.Copy !req
458. I'm sorry.Copy !req
459. Really?
Yes.Copy !req
460. No.Copy !req
461. Yes.Copy !req
462. Oh, I can't tell if I want
to hug you or hurt you.Copy !req
463. Hug. I would choose hug.Copy !req
464. Oh.Copy !req
465. Frederick, actually,
you're hurting me.Copy !req
466. I know. I'm so confused.Copy !req
467. Excuse me, miss?Copy !req
468. Were you in the bathroom
with my boys earlier?Copy !req
469. Yes, but I'm the bathroom lady.Copy !req
470. I think you
just potty-trained my sons.Copy !req
471. Thank you.Copy !req
472. I have to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
473. Nope.Copy !req
474. Great party, dude.Copy !req
475. Oh, hey, hey, I just
want you to know,Copy !req
476. you put on a hell of a party.Copy !req
477. You're not bad at
this grandpa stuff.Copy !req
478. Thanks, brother.Copy !req
479. Oh, I'm not your son.Copy !req
480. I'm your brother!Copy !req
481. Yo, G! Wait, hold up.Copy !req
482. Thanks for getting
that chicken suit.Copy !req
483. It's a good look on you.Copy !req
484. Yeah, I'm thinking
about keeping it.Copy !req
485. Spruce up my wardrobe.Copy !req
486. Yeah?Copy !req
487. Well, it's probably
the mom hormones,Copy !req
488. but you're pretty hotCopy !req
489. when you do
that dorky dad stuff.Copy !req
490. Later, Señor Plucky.Copy !req
491. Boy, your second birthdayCopy !req
492. was a real barn-burner, huh?Copy !req
493. Look at that.Copy !req
494. Sorry I missed it.Copy !req
495. Wish I had been there.
I don't know.Copy !req
496. Way it shook out, I, uh,Copy !req
497. I'm glad you get to watch
it with me now.Copy !req
498. Edie can't get enoughCopy !req
499. of this raw bar. Look at her.Copy !req
500. Look at her go!Copy !req
501. Do I know kids or what?
You do.Copy !req
502. Um, this tiramisu is incredible.Copy !req
503. Do I know cake or what?Copy !req
504. Oh, see?Copy !req
505. It's a good park!Copy !req
506. Oh, look, they had
a park ranger back then.Copy !req
507. Nope, no, that's just a guy
going to the bathroom.Copy !req
508. Aw, man, you were
a cute little chubster.Copy !req
509. Look at you!Copy !req
510. No more cake.Copy !req
511. Got to go.Copy !req