1. So, his dad just died?Copy !req
2. Just like that?Copy !req
3. Yeah, heart attack.Copy !req
4. He's on the phone
with the hospital now.Copy !req
5. Oh, it's so sad.Copy !req
6. Jinx.Copy !req
7. Do you think he's okay?Copy !req
8. When my dad died,Copy !req
9. I watched When Harry Met SallyCopy !req
10. for 48 hours straight,Copy !req
11. and City Slickers
for the next 72.Copy !req
12. My dad really looked
like Billy Crystal.Copy !req
13. Here he comes.Copy !req
14. Hi.Copy !req
15. So, my dad's dead, you know.Copy !req
16. It was a heart attack; sudden.Copy !req
17. Oh, honey, I'm-I'm so sorry.Copy !req
18. Where is the funeral?Copy !req
19. You know, I can clear
my scheduleCopy !req
20. for next week...Copy !req
21. No, no, no, no, there
won't be any funeral.Copy !req
22. I mean, we didn't
have much family, so...Copy !req
23. it's fine, you know.Copy !req
24. Jimmy, you know, if you ever
want to sit and just...Copy !req
25. Ravi, it's life, okay?Copy !req
26. I'm gonna be just fine,
you guys.Copy !req
27. Don't worry about me; I'm good.Copy !req
28. Let's talk about something else.Copy !req
29. All right,
so what's new?Copy !req
30. Oh, Cinco de Mayo right
around the corner, huh?Copy !req
31. We having any taquito parties
this year?Copy !req
32. Hmm?
Really, you don't want
to have a funeral?Copy !req
33. It could be cathartic.Copy !req
34. I'm fine.Copy !req
35. You know, I-it's sad,
yes, but...Copy !req
36. I have no regrets.Copy !req
37. I mean, like I always say...Copy !req
38. it's the circle of life,
you know?Copy !req
39. Hakuna matata.Copy !req
40. Mm-hmm, hakuna matata.Copy !req
41. Exactly.Copy !req
42. Look, everybody, my dad
had a long life...Copy !req
43. And...?Copy !req
44. That's it. Vodka martinis?
Anyone?Copy !req
45. Oh, was that your
dad's favorite drink?Copy !req
46. Yeah. Not anymore.Copy !req
47. Okay, wh-what was that?Copy !req
48. You have so much
to learn, new girl.Copy !req
49. Jimmy Martino is not an
emotionally mature adult.Copy !req
50. Instead of mourning,
he makes rash life decisions,Copy !req
51. usually involving
the restaurant or himself.Copy !req
52. When Paul Newman died,Copy !req
53. he put in a sushi conveyor belt
and grew a ponytail.Copy !req
54. Guys, call me crazy,
but I think this area over hereCopy !req
55. needs a little sprucing up, huh?Copy !req
56. You know what
I'm thinking?Copy !req
57. Fish tank.Copy !req
58. What I'm seeing is sort of a...Copy !req
59. a wide tank, like so...Copy !req
60. maybe some sea anemones...Copy !req
61. a sea otter here...Copy !req
62. maybe a shark.Copy !req
63. Oh, sharks are sexy.Copy !req
64. I wish mermaids were real.Copy !req
65. We don't have
to decide now,Copy !req
66. we can let it, you know,Copy !req
67. "perk-u-late," or... percolate.Copy !req
68. This is still better
than the ponytail.Copy !req
69. Percolate,
perk-u-late,Copy !req
70. perk-u-late, percolate.Copy !req
71. We'll table it.Copy !req
72. What you doing?Copy !req
73. What— uh, nothing.Copy !req
74. Looks like you're putting
a tiny box in Jimmy's safe.Copy !req
75. What's in the box?Copy !req
76. What's in the box?Copy !req
77. Seven, Brad Pitt,
classic quote.Copy !req
78. Seriously,
color me, uh, intrigued.Copy !req
79. What's in that ring box?Copy !req
80. Can you keep a secret?Copy !req
81. Bro, are you kidding me?Copy !req
82. My soccer coach, he paid meCopy !req
83. to sit on his lap
for an entire summer...Copy !req
84. you're, like, the first person
I've ever told.Copy !req
85. Yeah, I can keep
your little secret.Copy !req
86. Horrifying.Copy !req
87. Okay, um, it's a ring.Copy !req
88. I'm gonna propose to Vanessa.Copy !req
89. What?Copy !req
90. Dude, that's awesome!
Yeah!Copy !req
91. Ah, man, if her grandma
is any indication,Copy !req
92. she is gonna ripen like
a peach in the Georgia sun.Copy !req
93. When are you popping
the question?Copy !req
94. Well, you know, I was
gonna do it right away,Copy !req
95. but then Jimmy's dad died,Copy !req
96. and I feel like I should wait
a couple weeks, out of respect.Copy !req
97. Wait, what, I'm supposed to sit
on this for a couple weeks?Copy !req
98. Nuh-uh, no, no, I can't do that,
you know I can't keep a secret.Copy !req
99. You just said that you kept your
soccer coach thing a secret.Copy !req
100. I lied, man.Copy !req
101. I told everyone
about my soccer coach.Copy !req
102. I even made some things up.Copy !req
103. As soon as I see Vanessa,Copy !req
104. I'm gonna freak out
and I'm gonna blow it.Copy !req
105. Yeah, but, you see
Vanessa all the time.Copy !req
106. I'm gonna blow it!Copy !req
107. Okay, uh...Copy !req
108. you know, maybe it's not
too soon to propose, right?Copy !req
109. Uh, maybe my dad's
feeling okay now.Copy !req
110. Right?
Hoo-hoo! Hi, guys!Copy !req
111. I've been up baking
all night long.Copy !req
112. Dad, you have
some flour on your...Copy !req
113. Did I get it?Copy !req
114. Mm-hmm.
Good.Copy !req
115. Listen, I'm working
on a new specialty dish,Copy !req
116. and-and I asked myself:Copy !req
117. Is it a pasta? No.Copy !req
118. Is it a steak? No.Copy !req
119. What I'm doing is...Copy !req
120. I'm taking a winter classicCopy !req
121. and I'm bringing itCopy !req
122. all the way back
to summer, baby.Copy !req
123. Look at this:
gingerbread beach house.Copy !req
124. What do you think?
Hmm...Copy !req
125. Good. I'm gonna go
update the menu,Copy !req
126. and, uh, tell me when the
fish tank gets in, will you?Copy !req
127. Guys, how do you think
I'd look as a blond?Copy !req
128. And-and do they do
that surgery for men,Copy !req
129. that-that permanent
eyeliner surgery...Copy !req
130. I wore eyeliner
in a high school play,Copy !req
131. and I got to tell you,Copy !req
132. I made me feel
very sexually free.Copy !req
133. Hey.Copy !req
134. We should talk
about Dad, right?Copy !req
135. Yeah, uh, he keeps
sending me these crazy texts.Copy !req
136. "Do you think I would
look good as a blond?Copy !req
137. "I'll have Annelise
do a mock-up.Copy !req
138. Here's the mock-up."Copy !req
139. Oh, God!Copy !req
140. He looks like Glenn Close.Copy !req
141. Uh, we need to pull
him out of this.Copy !req
142. Right? Help him deal
with his griefCopy !req
143. I-I-in a healthier way.Copy !req
144. Wait, um...Copy !req
145. It's him.Copy !req
146. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
147. I don't think you should
get that surgery.Copy !req
148. Wha...?Copy !req
149. Because your jawline'sCopy !req
150. already very well-defined.Copy !req
151. Oh, hey.
Hi.Copy !req
152. There you are.Copy !req
153. How was your day?Copy !req
154. Well...Copy !req
155. I feel like I spent most
of it driving over here.Copy !req
156. Oh.
Who knew Santa MonicaCopy !req
157. to Pasadena counts as a
long-distance relationship?Copy !req
158. I don't understand why I'm
driving so far to be with you...Copy !req
159. Hey, screw you, jerk face!Copy !req
160. I drove out to Santa Monica
on Tuesday.Copy !req
161. because I want to be
with you all the time.Copy !req
162. Oops.Copy !req
163. Hmm.Copy !req
164. I should never talk.Copy !req
165. Hey, listen...Copy !req
166. I think we should move
in together.Copy !req
167. You do?
Yeah.Copy !req
168. Isn't it a little soon?Copy !req
169. Maybe, but I know what I want,Copy !req
170. and I want you, so why wait?Copy !req
171. Look, take some time,
think about it.Copy !req
172. Okay, I'll think about it.
Good.Copy !req
173. Mm!Copy !req
174. Ugh.Copy !req
175. Oh, is that Billy Idol?Copy !req
176. Love him.Copy !req
177. Yikes.Copy !req
178. Oh, my God, he bought fish.Copy !req
179. Yeah, for my new fish tank.Copy !req
180. Fishies!Copy !req
181. Wait a minute,Copy !req
182. how did all you guysCopy !req
183. get into my apartment?Copy !req
184. An emotional intervention?
Come on.Copy !req
185. Whose idea was this?Copy !req
186. Not yours because
you're too cool.Copy !req
187. He's right, I am.Copy !req
188. You don't like me enough.Copy !req
189. He's right, I don't.Copy !req
190. And you don't like to share me,Copy !req
191. so if this was your idea,Copy !req
192. it'd be just the
two of us somewhere...Copy !req
193. Dolphin-watching
for two in Catalina.Copy !req
194. Leaves every hour
if you still want to go.Copy !req
195. This whole nonsenseCopy !req
196. has you two hippy-dippy nerdsCopy !req
197. written all over it.Copy !req
198. You need help.Copy !req
199. Mom's a therapist;Copy !req
200. she knows this stuff.Copy !req
201. Look at you, you're baking
your pain away.Copy !req
202. Let us throw a memorialCopy !req
203. for your dad so you can
give him a proper good-bye.Copy !req
204. No.
Mom and I will handleCopy !req
205. everything, all right?
We will invite everyone,Copy !req
206. and, yeah, Edie will help...Copy !req
207. we'll deck out the restaurant,Copy !req
208. it'll be a blast...
of appropriate sadness.Copy !req
209. Yeah.Copy !req
210. A memorial?Copy !req
211. All right, a memorial.Copy !req
212. I'll do anything to get
you guys out of my apartment.Copy !req
213. Oh, great, Jimmy,
all you have to doCopy !req
214. is prepare a few words
to say about your dad.Copy !req
215. You mean like a eulogy?Copy !req
216. No, I'm not good at that.Copy !req
217. Think of it like a toast.Copy !req
218. Oh, I'm good at that, yeah.Copy !req
219. I can make a toast.
Remember the toast I madeCopy !req
220. at Ravi's 30th?Copy !req
221. That was a roast
and you made him cry.Copy !req
222. No, because I was
laughing so hard.Copy !req
223. Sorry I'm late.Copy !req
224. Did you guys make
Jimmy cry yet?Copy !req
225. Vanessa!Copy !req
226. Everything's
totally normal here,Copy !req
227. don't let me keep secrets!Copy !req
228. Get off my neck!Copy !req
229. Why are you staring
out the window?Copy !req
230. Oh crap, is the ice cream
truck coming?Copy !req
231. Sara, quick, give me your purse.Copy !req
232. No, no, Craig asked me
to move in with him.Copy !req
233. Seriously?Copy !req
234. Oh, you should do it.Copy !req
235. Th-That guy is, like,
soap opera hot.Copy !req
236. You leave him alone with me
in a walk-in-closet...Copy !req
237. Vanessa!
Sorry.Copy !req
238. Point is,
you should lock that down.Copy !req
239. Isn't it a little fast?Copy !req
240. I don't know.Copy !req
241. Ooh, let's try this thingCopy !req
242. that I made up to decide stuff.Copy !req
243. I used it to decide whether or
not I was gonna have Edie...Copy !req
244. have Edie's birthdayCopy !req
245. at a park or the pizza place.Copy !req
246. Park won.Copy !req
247. Okay, what is it?Copy !req
248. It's called
"fors and againsts."Copy !req
249. Oh, so, like pros and cons?Copy !req
250. Does pros and cons use...Copy !req
251. elastics?Copy !req
252. Green...Copy !req
253. is fors.Copy !req
254. Red is against.Copy !req
255. Okay, let's see, um,
I love how direct Craig is.Copy !req
256. That's a green.Copy !req
257. Edie, arm.Copy !req
258. But I don't totally feel likeCopy !req
259. I can be myself around him yet.Copy !req
260. Mm... you mean like going
to the bathroom for number twoCopy !req
261. when you're staying
in a hotel room together.Copy !req
262. Why do they always put the
bathroom right off the bedroom?Copy !req
263. I do love when he stays over.Copy !req
264. Night sex and morning sex.Copy !req
265. That's two greens.Copy !req
266. But my gut is telling meCopy !req
267. it might be too soon.Copy !req
268. Now, when people say, "gut,"Copy !req
269. it usually means something's
holding them back.Copy !req
270. And by something...Copy !req
271. I mean someone else.Copy !req
272. N— that's ridiculous.Copy !req
273. Not buying it.Copy !req
274. And "someone else"
gets the gold hair tie,Copy !req
275. and gold beats all.Copy !req
276. "Against" wins.Copy !req
277. What, that's...Copy !req
278. Ooh, that is
the ice cream truck!Copy !req
279. That's my purse!Copy !req
280. Eulogy... eulogy...Copy !req
281. How's the eulogy coming, boss?Copy !req
282. Hey, if you're looking
for an opening, how about,Copy !req
283. "Webster's defines death as..."Copy !req
284. As what?Copy !req
285. Wait, I'm sorry, do you want
me to write the whole thing?Copy !req
286. Look it up, Annelise.Copy !req
287. Oh, this is stupid.
My dad died.Copy !req
288. We weren't close
and he wasn't very nice to me.Copy !req
289. What am I supposed to say?Copy !req
290. Definitely not that.Copy !req
291. Yeah, that would
be a bad eulogy.Copy !req
292. Hey, you know what I need?Copy !req
293. Empathy?
No, my Jimmy-isms.Copy !req
294. My Jimmy-isms you've been
compiling over the years.Copy !req
295. Your what?
You know,
the musings and sayingsCopy !req
296. that I come up with
off the top of my head.Copy !req
297. You know,
I'll say something,Copy !req
298. and I'll say, "Annelise,
write that down,"Copy !req
299. and Annelise writes it down.Copy !req
300. Yup, he definitely says that,Copy !req
301. and I definitely do that.Copy !req
302. I've been saving them
for my memoir,Copy !req
303. but I could spare a few pearls
for my dad's eulogy, right?Copy !req
304. Right.
Yeah... Annelise,
go get the master list.Copy !req
305. No problem, boss.Copy !req
306. Just give me a little timeCopy !req
307. to organize them with the staff.Copy !req
308. Everyone,
stop what you're doing.Copy !req
309. Jimmy wants me to compile
all his stupid musingsCopy !req
310. I've been pretending to write
down over the last ten years.Copy !req
311. You haven't been
writing them down?Copy !req
312. What do you do here?
Shut it.Copy !req
313. We need to band
together and rememberCopy !req
314. all the stupid crap
Jimmy has said over the years.Copy !req
315. Ooh, I remember one.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
316. "Whoever wins, we lose."Copy !req
317. Nope, that's the tagline
to Alien vs. Predator.Copy !req
318. Come on.Copy !req
319. Dad gave me a list
of Jack's closest friends.Copy !req
320. Let's let the
inviting begin.
Okay.Copy !req
321. Hi, Ms. Rabinowitz.Copy !req
322. I understand you're
a friend of Jack Martino's?Copy !req
323. Oh, ex-friend.Copy !req
324. He called you what?Copy !req
325. Uh, well, maybe he just meant
you're good with money?Copy !req
326. Yes, Dr. Lerman, I understandCopy !req
327. Jack was a patient of yours
for several years.Copy !req
328. Yes, Martino... Hello?Copy !req
329. Oh, you're glad he's dead.Copy !req
330. Well, why don't you come
celebrate that with us?Copy !req
331. I'll pay you.Copy !req
332. He owes you how much?Copy !req
333. And now I inherit his debit...?Copy !req
334. No, no, I don't think
that's how it works.Copy !req
335. I got to go, bye.Copy !req
336. Forty-one dollars.Copy !req
337. Sixty-three dollars!Copy !req
338. Sixty-six...!Copy !req
339. That's our ceiling.Copy !req
340. Eulogy, eulogy...Copy !req
341. Welcome, everybody.Copy !req
342. Sex! Now that I got your
attention, my dad's dead.Copy !req
343. Nah.Copy !req
344. Jimmy.
Huh?Copy !req
345. This came for you
at the restaurant.Copy !req
346. Let's see.Copy !req
347. Oh!Copy !req
348. Contents of my dad's
safe deposit box.Copy !req
349. My transistor radio.Copy !req
350. Wow, used to sit in the backyardCopy !req
351. and listen to the Angels play.Copy !req
352. Just a father and son,Copy !req
353. enjoying the game.Copy !req
354. I can't believe
he kept this.Copy !req
355. Jack Martino wasn't
such a bad guy.Copy !req
356. Jack Martino was
a real son of a bitch.Copy !req
357. God, why did we force
Dad into doing this?Copy !req
358. You should've let him
work through his feelingsCopy !req
359. with-with makeovers and
restaurant overhauls.Copy !req
360. We'll tell him
that we were wrong,Copy !req
361. that the memorial service
was a stupid idea.Copy !req
362. Hey, guys.Copy !req
363. Yo.Copy !req
364. Just came by to tell youCopy !req
365. that, uh, you were right.Copy !req
366. I mean, just 'cause my dad
was a difficult man,Copy !req
367. doesn't mean it won't feel goodCopy !req
368. to be around
some of his friends, so,Copy !req
369. thank you for
twisting my arm and making meCopy !req
370. throw this memorial
for my father.Copy !req
371. You're welcome.Copy !req
372. Hm. I brought smoothies.Copy !req
373. Ooh.
Smoothies.Copy !req
374. Great turnout, guys.Copy !req
375. Oh, luckily, there's
a certain type of personCopy !req
376. willing to drive
up to 90 minutesCopy !req
377. if you promise them
free wine and cheese.Copy !req
378. Oh, there's Jack's
former cleaning lady.Copy !req
379. There's Jack's old
dental hygienistCopy !req
380. and her boyfriend Rick.Copy !req
381. How come you didn't getCopy !req
382. any of his actual friends?Copy !req
383. We tried... and failed,Copy !req
384. so we called around
Jack's old neighborhoodCopy !req
385. and scrounged up some randos.Copy !req
386. That group is here
because we promised themCopy !req
387. free student haircuts.Copy !req
388. Why is Ravi staring
at us like that?Copy !req
389. Hey, Vanessa. Hi, ring—
I mean Gerald.Copy !req
390. There's no ring yet, or ever.Copy !req
391. You're being weird!Copy !req
392. Hey, did you have a chance
to think about us moving in...Copy !req
393. Here comes Jimmy! Okay.Copy !req
394. We have to keep
him from havingCopy !req
395. substantial conversations
with any of the guests.Copy !req
396. Luckily, he doesn't reallyCopy !req
397. like to have substantial
conversations.Copy !req
398. I mean, I was back
in his life for six monthsCopy !req
399. before he asked me
a personal question,Copy !req
400. and it was,
"How big is your package?"Copy !req
401. He wanted to know
if he was bigger.Copy !req
402. And?
Mom!
Sara!Copy !req
403. What? I'm rooting for you.Copy !req
404. Here's the game plan:
get Jimmy on that podium ASAP.Copy !req
405. He gives his eulogy, I pull the
fire alarm, everybody goes home.Copy !req
406. All right.Copy !req
407. Everybody seems
dressed casual here.Copy !req
408. Well, I guess
that makes sense.Copy !req
409. Jack Martino was a no-frills
kind of guy, you know.Copy !req
410. And these peopleCopy !req
411. are honoring that with
their cut-off shorts...Copy !req
412. and tube tops.Copy !req
413. Hi.Copy !req
414. So... eulogy time?Copy !req
415. These mourners are craving
that sweet, sweet eul.Copy !req
416. Let me say hi
to the guests first.Copy !req
417. Excuse me.Copy !req
418. Hi, I'm Jimmy Martino.Copy !req
419. How did you know my father?Copy !req
420. Lo siento, no puedo
hablar ingles.Copy !req
421. I better get Victor
to translate...Copy !req
422. Oh, no, you can't ask a Latino
person to translate Spanish.Copy !req
423. It's racist.
Yeah.Copy !req
424. Is it racist?
No, it's not racist.Copy !req
425. It's not racist.Copy !req
426. ¿Dónde está el vino?
Victor!Copy !req
427. Oh, uh, so... eulogy?Copy !req
428. I haven't written it yet.Copy !req
429. Are you kidding?
What?Copy !req
430. No, Annelise's
gonna give meCopy !req
431. all my Jimmy-isms.
Once I get those,Copy !req
432. it'll practically
write itself.
Hmm.Copy !req
433. I need those Jimmy-isms
yesterday, people.Copy !req
434. It's not that hard, what are
some things he always says?Copy !req
435. Okay, how about this:Copy !req
436. "No, Ravi, I don't
want to get drinks."Copy !req
437. How about this?Copy !req
438. "The air is hot with sweat,Copy !req
439. anticipation, and the promise
of a future not yet written."Copy !req
440. It's way too
beautiful for Jimmy,Copy !req
441. but you should be a writer.Copy !req
442. I know.Copy !req
443. You're not even trying, Cindy.Copy !req
444. Sorry, Kylie Jenner just
tweeted something hilarious.Copy !req
445. "If there are no two
fingerprints that are alike,Copy !req
446. "and no two snowflakes
that are alike,Copy !req
447. a snowman would be
the best burglar ever."Copy !req
448. Perfect.Copy !req
449. Kylie Jenner and JimmyCopy !req
450. have the exact same voice.Copy !req
451. Are there more of those?Copy !req
452. Oh, tons, KJ tweetsCopy !req
453. like, every five minutes.Copy !req
454. Here's another one:Copy !req
455. "There is no "I" in cream,Copy !req
456. but there is eye cream."Copy !req
457. Ravi, copy 50
of them in an e-mailCopy !req
458. and send them to me, stat.Copy !req
459. I'm already on it.Copy !req
460. Hey, where's my Jimmy-isms?Copy !req
461. Forwarding them
to you now, boss.Copy !req
462. "When God gives you rain,
make rainbow sorbet."Copy !req
463. That's so me.Copy !req
464. Hey, you guys,
let's help poor people.Copy !req
465. I don't remember saying that.Copy !req
466. Hey, so...
you ready to get up there?Copy !req
467. Oh, I don't know,
I thought these Jimmy-ismsCopy !req
468. would help me crack
the eulogy, but...Copy !req
469. I-I know I said
more profound things.Copy !req
470. I-I don't ever remember being
this obsessed with side boob.Copy !req
471. I don't know what I'm doing.Copy !req
472. Oh, God, all right,
come on, relax.Copy !req
473. You can do this.Copy !req
474. Just be honest.Copy !req
475. Let yourself be vulnerable.Copy !req
476. Uh, do you remember back
when we were dating...Copy !req
477. we went on that ski trip
to Tahoe?Copy !req
478. Yeah...
I wanted to go downCopy !req
479. one more slope
and you were worriedCopy !req
480. that your lips were
getting chapped...Copy !req
481. Right, I went back to the lodge,Copy !req
482. and-and it started
to snow like crazy.Copy !req
483. Yes, a-and by the time
I got back,Copy !req
484. you were so worried about me,
and I walked in,Copy !req
485. and you looked at me
and you said,Copy !req
486. "I was so worried about you."Copy !req
487. That's a terrible story.Copy !req
488. What's the point?Copy !req
489. That is the point.Copy !req
490. It wasn't cool or interesting.Copy !req
491. It was real and vulnerable.Copy !req
492. That's always been my
favorite version of you.Copy !req
493. Be that guy.Copy !req
494. Did we have sex later
that night?Copy !req
495. We had sex most nights.Copy !req
496. Why didn't you put
that in the story?Copy !req
497. That would have made it,
you know, something.Copy !req
498. Hey, guys.Copy !req
499. Hey.
Hey, Sara.Copy !req
500. Hi.
How you holding up?Copy !req
501. Not good.Copy !req
502. What can I do?Copy !req
503. Can you write a
speech about my dad?Copy !req
504. 'Cause all this stuff
isn't working...Copy !req
505. What are you saying?Copy !req
506. I don't know,
you could still put that...Copy !req
507. Hey.Copy !req
508. Sara, I consider
myself pretty secure.Copy !req
509. I asked you to move in
over 36 hours ago,Copy !req
510. and you haven't given me
an answer yet becauseCopy !req
511. you're so busy helping your
baby daddy, and I get that,Copy !req
512. Yes.
but...Copy !req
513. Yes, what?Copy !req
514. Yes, let's move in together.Copy !req
515. Okay.Copy !req
516. Yeah.Copy !req
517. Code red!
He's mingling.Copy !req
518. Where, what?Copy !req
519. You should go.Copy !req
520. Wait, so how do youCopy !req
521. know Jack Martino?Copy !req
522. My girlfriend was
his dental hygienist.Copy !req
523. Said he was a real jackass,Copy !req
524. never opened wide.Copy !req
525. Damn it, Rick!Copy !req
526. Who are these people?Copy !req
527. Where are the people
I gave you on that list?Copy !req
528. They really
wanted to come...Copy !req
529. It was just really
short notice...Copy !req
530. It's always short notice
when someone dies.Copy !req
531. Oh...Copy !req
532. Anybody who really knew him
didn't want to come, right?Copy !req
533. I don't know why
that surprises me.Copy !req
534. I'm Jack Martino's son
and I don't want to be here.Copy !req
535. Why would they?Copy !req
536. By the way, thanks for
forcing me to do this.Copy !req
537. Now when I think of my dad,Copy !req
538. I can add this sham memorialCopy !req
539. to the list of crappy memories.Copy !req
540. Dad...
Jimmy...
You know what?Copy !req
541. Just do me a favor, okay?Copy !req
542. Stay out of my business.Copy !req
543. Oh, hey, my girl told meCopy !req
544. another thing
that sucked about Jack.Copy !req
545. He used to grab six toothbrushes
on his way out, every time.Copy !req
546. God! How'd you know him?Copy !req
547. Can you believe
Sara and Gerald?Copy !req
548. Forcing me to throw
this memorial,Copy !req
549. filling it with
a bunch of peopleCopy !req
550. my father didn't even know.Copy !req
551. Yeah, the nerve.Copy !req
552. What's that supposed to mean?Copy !req
553. Nothing, I'm agreeing with you.Copy !req
554. Yeah, but you're agreeing
in a voice that soundsCopy !req
555. like you don't agree with me.Copy !req
556. I don't like that voice.Copy !req
557. Look, I'm not gonna lie.Copy !req
558. It's rough out there.Copy !req
559. One of the guests is wearing
a shirt that says,Copy !req
560. "Gremlins 2 Now Available
on VHS."Copy !req
561. Yeah.
But Gerald and SaraCopy !req
562. got your dad's old address
from me yesterday,Copy !req
563. so that they could spend
all day cold-callingCopy !req
564. every business in his town,Copy !req
565. asking if any of the
employees knew your dadCopy !req
566. to fill this place up
so that you couldCopy !req
567. give him a proper good-bye.Copy !req
568. So, yeah, the nerve.Copy !req
569. This is crazy, bro.Copy !req
570. I can't keep babysitting you
until I propose.Copy !req
571. Listen...Copy !req
572. if you don't blow my secret,Copy !req
573. I will make you one
of my groomsmen.Copy !req
574. Best man.
No!Copy !req
575. Okay, well, then I just can't...Copy !req
576. No, okay...Copy !req
577. secret best man.Copy !req
578. I'm listening.Copy !req
579. Yeah, I will have a best manCopy !req
580. that isn't you, but secretly,Copy !req
581. between you and me,
you're my best man.Copy !req
582. But you know I'm bad
at keeping secrets.Copy !req
583. Well, then I guess
I'll just have to findCopy !req
584. another secret best man...Copy !req
585. I'll keep it!Copy !req
586. I'll keep it so good.Copy !req
587. Oh, God, thank God.Copy !req
588. All right? All right.Copy !req
589. Crap, now I have to plan
a bachelor party.Copy !req
590. I don't have time for this.Copy !req
591. Hi, I'd like to, uh,Copy !req
592. say a few words about my father
Jack Martino.Copy !req
593. There's an expression I say,Copy !req
594. uh, um, "Every day is a gift,Copy !req
595. but life doesn't have
a return policy."Copy !req
596. My dad and I loved
to listen to the radio...Copy !req
597. and sit in the backyard,Copy !req
598. and we would listen to
the Angels game together...Copy !req
599. but I pretended to love itCopy !req
600. because it was the classic
father-son thing to do.Copy !req
601. Truth is, I didn't know
anything about baseball.Copy !req
602. I didn't know what the hellCopy !req
603. the announcers were talking
about, but...Copy !req
604. it was the only thing
I could do with my fatherCopy !req
605. where we didn't have
to talk to each other.Copy !req
606. My dad wasn't a great guy.Copy !req
607. He was selfish,
and he was rude...Copy !req
608. that's why you're all here
instead of his real friends...Copy !req
609. but he was my dad...Copy !req
610. and I wish he were still
alive today because...Copy !req
611. he never
got to meet my family.Copy !req
612. Jack Martino didn't like much,Copy !req
613. but he would have liked
my family.Copy !req
614. He would have said,Copy !req
615. "They're too good for you."Copy !req
616. And he would have been right.Copy !req
617. That's the one thing I regret.Copy !req
618. My father never had
the chance to meet my...Copy !req
619. Thank you.Copy !req
620. Boy, that was embarrassing.Copy !req
621. Is he all right?
Did you talk to him?Copy !req
622. Is he in there?Copy !req
623. Baby, that was beautiful.Copy !req
624. Thank you.Copy !req
625. It really was, Dad.Copy !req
626. So, were we right?Copy !req
627. Do you feel better?Copy !req