1. So, who are you bringing
to this engagement party?Copy !req
2. Nice little side piece?Copy !req
3. Pretty sure I know
what "side piece" means,Copy !req
4. and no, I will be flying solo.Copy !req
5. Oh. Are you
in a rut?Copy !req
6. My two cents? Put the ladies
in the game, coach.Copy !req
7. The.. the ladies and I
are doing just fine.Copy !req
8. And why is it
that everyone always assumesCopy !req
9. that if a 46-year-old woman
shows upCopy !req
10. somewhere alone,
she's miserable?Copy !req
11. I lead a very fulfilling life.Copy !req
12. Sounds lovely.Copy !req
13. But, just FYI,Copy !req
14. there is a very
reputable serviceCopy !req
15. that caters to women
like yourself.Copy !req
16. They're very discreetCopy !req
17. and you're only paying
for their company.Copy !req
18. I'm not gonna take an escortCopy !req
19. to my friend's engagement party.Copy !req
20. Besides, if I wanted
to have a date, I could.Copy !req
21. My phone is, like,Copy !req
22. all men's names.Copy !req
23. Look! Adam. Man.
First one. Boom.Copy !req
24. I just know if I were showing up
to an engagement partyCopy !req
25. full of my judgey
married friends,Copy !req
26. I'd either bring a date
or a Vicodin.Copy !req
27. Yeah, I ran out.Copy !req
28. Maybe you're right, I should
just bring a date to this thing.Copy !req
29. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
30. Well, your prayers
have been answered.Copy !req
31. What's the occasion?
Wedding?Copy !req
32. Bar mitzvah? Oh, please say
it's a bar mitzvah.Copy !req
33. I love those little hats
and I dance a mean Hora.Copy !req
34. Oh, no.
Never gonna happen.Copy !req
35. Sara, some people are put on
this earth to play baseball,Copy !req
36. others to explore
the infinite mysteryCopy !req
37. of our oceans' depths.
Me?Copy !req
38. I was born to be a plus one.
It's what I love to doCopy !req
39. and nobody does it better.Copy !req
40. Oh, come on,Copy !req
41. can you honestly tell meCopy !req
42. that you don't want to walk...
Ow!Copy !req
43. into that party
with this on your arm?Copy !req
44. (chuckles) Hand me a gavel,
'cause this case is closed.Copy !req
45. Oh, I like that one. Check to
see if anyone said that before.Copy !req
46. I'd prefer not to.
All right, I'm just gonnaCopy !req
47. swivel back around
and grab my purse.Copy !req
48. All right, fine.
It's your funeral.Copy !req
49. Oh, is it a funeral?
I kill at funerals. Ooh,Copy !req
50. accidental joke.Copy !req
51. What?
Jimmy.Copy !req
52. Yes?
Admit it— you like Sara.Copy !req
53. Oh... (scoffs)
Come on. Like her.Copy !req
54. I mean, I like her.
I mean, we have a kid togetherCopy !req
55. and a grandkid
and she introduced meCopy !req
56. to turkey bacon.
I like her, sure.Copy !req
57. Since when does Jimmy MartinoCopy !req
58. agree to go to anything
before he knowsCopy !req
59. where it is,
who's on the guest list,Copy !req
60. and what else
is going on at that time?Copy !req
61. Jon Hamm's game night
four years ago.Copy !req
62. The invitation said Jonny's
place was being renovated,Copy !req
63. location TBD.
Boom, hand me a gavel,Copy !req
64. 'cause this case is...
Hold on, I'm gonnaCopy !req
65. put a twist on it this time.
(sighs)Copy !req
66. There... You know what, there's
only one way the joke works—Copy !req
67. case closed.Copy !req
68. "The autumn of 1938.Copy !req
69. "Frank was tossed in the joint.Copy !req
70. "The charge? Seduction.Copy !req
71. "His alleged victim
was a proper womanCopy !req
72. "until she met
a wicked temptationCopy !req
73. "by the name of Sinatra."Copy !req
74. All right. To be continued.Copy !req
75. All right, kiddo?Copy !req
76. Night, night.Copy !req
77. Oh, did she go down already?Copy !req
78. Yeah.Copy !req
79. Vanessa and I have been
killing ourselves to getCopy !req
80. the beta version of our app
ready for the investor.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
81. I haven't seen Edie in,
like, two days. Or you.Copy !req
82. Or the inside of a shower.Copy !req
83. I'm just trying to make a better
life for us, you know?Copy !req
84. Move out my Mom's guesthouse,
send Edie to college,Copy !req
85. maybe buy myself a replica
of the Terminator arm.Copy !req
86. (Edie babbles)
She's up.Copy !req
87. What the? Edie, no, no, no.Copy !req
88. Don't do that.Copy !req
89. Very bad, Edie.Copy !req
90. Edie bad.
No!Copy !req
91. No, no, no! No, no.Copy !req
92. Wait a minute, is that
my... Hold on.Copy !req
93. Oh, no, I got it. Okay.
My shift's over.
What...Copy !req
94. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
95. Chris, hey.Copy !req
96. Yeah, it has been a while.Copy !req
97. Anyway, would you like to come
with me to a party tomorrow?Copy !req
98. Right, I was transferred
to Boise,Copy !req
99. but they transferred me back.Copy !req
100. You know, don't get into therapy
for the stability.Copy !req
101. You got married. Eli, mazel.Copy !req
102. No, I don't think Laura
would be cool with you coming.Copy !req
103. Yeah, I-I think
it could hurt to ask.Copy !req
104. I was asking you to a party,
not if you want to party.Copy !req
105. I haven't done that
since the '80s.Copy !req
106. No, no, no, Laura, I swear,
I told Eli not to ask you.Copy !req
107. Yes, I'm familiar with that
marriage arrangement,Copy !req
108. and-and while I am flattered,Copy !req
109. I haven't done that
since the '80s.Copy !req
110. So, uh, do I just
pay him in cashCopy !req
111. when he picks me up or...Copy !req
112. Oh, no, I can't do it.Copy !req
113. What?Copy !req
114. That does not sound like a woman
who has a date to a party.Copy !req
115. No, actually,
I have several options.Copy !req
116. If you'd like the Novak Djokovic
of plus ones,Copy !req
117. I'm still totes avail.
Good-bye, Jimmy.Copy !req
118. You know, I don't...
I-I don't think she knew whoCopy !req
119. Novak Djokovic is.
You think I should haveCopy !req
120. said Michael Jordan? No,
I refuse to dumb down my comedy.Copy !req
121. I can't believe our
kid's a flusher.Copy !req
122. At least now we know
where the TV, stereo,Copy !req
123. and fan remotes went.Copy !req
124. And my necklace.
Maybe we didn'tCopy !req
125. have to fire the babysitter
after all.Copy !req
126. Why would she do this?
The necklace
was a knock-off.Copy !req
127. Kim did not
deserve to get fired.Copy !req
128. That TV remote was not small.Copy !req
129. What kid is so determined
to flush somethingCopy !req
130. that she breaks it into smaller,
flushable pieces?Copy !req
131. Clearly she's acting out, right?Copy !req
132. Do you think she's mad at us?Copy !req
133. She can't be mad at me.
I buy her presents all the time.Copy !req
134. Have we become those parentsCopy !req
135. who mess up their kids 'cause
all they do is work?Copy !req
136. Since we started this app,
we barely see her.Copy !req
137. You're right.
Well, at least
we got the child lockCopy !req
138. on the toilet for now, right?Copy !req
139. Yeah, it really
makes you appreciateCopy !req
140. the freedom to pee
we once had.Copy !req
141. My purse! Edie, stop.Copy !req
142. You got through the lock? I had
to pee in the sink earlier.Copy !req
143. I... I was two stamps away
from a free Mondo Smoothie.Copy !req
144. I'm sorry
we had to work so much lately.Copy !req
145. Look, tomorrow we're gonna spend
so much frigging time with youCopy !req
146. you're gonna be sick of us.Copy !req
147. You can sort of make out
the stamps.Copy !req
148. I'm just gonna try to use it.
(babbles)Copy !req
149. Get 'em the best table
in the house.Copy !req
150. Um, please don't make this
into a whole thing,Copy !req
151. but if you still want, you
can come to the party with me.Copy !req
152. Okay.Copy !req
153. I knew you'd walk away
annoyed, too.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
154. Even made a card
for that one. See?Copy !req
155. What?Copy !req
156. This is an engagement party?
That guy's wearing shorts.Copy !req
157. Look at all these people.Copy !req
158. Showing off
their unhappy marriages.Copy !req
159. I'm gonna grab us drinks.
Yeah, get me an Old Fashioned.Copy !req
160. Rye, no fruit, huh?Copy !req
161. You're getting a beer.Copy !req
162. Thank you.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
163. Are you seeing this?Copy !req
164. There are just
dogs walking around.Copy !req
165. What is that?Copy !req
166. One of my subtly brilliant movesCopy !req
167. that separates me
from your typical date.Copy !req
168. You see, with me, you get more
than just a handsome propCopy !req
169. on your arm, you get
the full boyfriend experience.Copy !req
170. Okay, I'm feeling a lot
of emotions— regret...
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
171. That's about it.Copy !req
172. Eh, it's probably
just nerves. Come on,Copy !req
173. let's go turn some heads.
Hi, hippie.Copy !req
174. Hipsters.
Hipsters.Copy !req
175. (chuckles)
That's cute.Copy !req
176. We were introduced by
our friends Barack and Michelle.Copy !req
177. The Obamas.Copy !req
178. What's that?
Right here at the party?Copy !req
179. Excuse us.
We have to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
180. Yeah. Of course.Copy !req
181. (chuckles)
What? What?Copy !req
182. What the hell?Copy !req
183. You can't make up
a bunch of lies.Copy !req
184. These people know me.Copy !req
185. All I wanted you to do
was stand next to meCopy !req
186. so people wouldn't think
I came here alone. You got it?Copy !req
187. All right, that said,
we don't want to breakCopy !req
188. the reality of the scene,
so pretendCopy !req
189. we had sex in the bathroom.
Mess your hair up.Copy !req
190. Look satisfied.
Forget it. You're fired.Copy !req
191. What? What am I supposed
to do now?Copy !req
192. I don't care.Copy !req
193. Go join the ukulele circle.Copy !req
194. Which one?Copy !req
195. All right, baby, listen, if you
got to use the toilet, you gotCopy !req
196. to ask Mommy and Daddy, okay?
'Cause we have the key.
Oh, no.Copy !req
197. (babbling)
Yeah.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
198. And if you're thinking
of throwing things downCopy !req
199. a different toilet,
just remember:Copy !req
200. they're filled with monstersCopy !req
201. that eat little girls.
That's not true.Copy !req
202. (roars)
Yes. So if you have
to take a tinkle, let us know.Copy !req
203. Say, "Good night, Gorilla."
Good night, Gorilla.Copy !req
204. (chuckles)
Good girl. What story
do you want to hear, baby?Copy !req
205. What story?
I'll be right back
for story time.Copy !req
206. I got to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
207. I'll just go outside.Copy !req
208. You see, this is good.
This-this is life.Copy !req
209. Just all of us hanging out.
It doesn't matter what colorCopy !req
210. we are— black, white,Copy !req
211. white, white, white.Copy !req
212. Psst!Copy !req
213. Growler? Growler?Copy !req
214. Growler? Okay. Three growlers.Copy !req
215. Hey, what's a growler?
Everyone keeps using that word.Copy !req
216. I want the boyfriend experience.Copy !req
217. Oh. Well, I'm not sure I'm readyCopy !req
218. to give you
the boyfriend experience.Copy !req
219. Oh, fine.
Okay, I'll give,Copy !req
220. I'll give, I'll give.Copy !req
221. Okay. You see that guyCopy !req
222. over there
in the beanie?
Where?Copy !req
223. Don't look. Okay, a
couple of years ago,Copy !req
224. we went on a date, and
it turned into this crazy,Copy !req
225. passionate weekend.
Ugh.Copy !req
226. He was artistic
and free-spirited, confident,Copy !req
227. and we even made plans to go out
the following weekend.Copy !req
228. And then I did that stupid
thing where you start to think,Copy !req
229. "Oh, this could be
something real."Copy !req
230. And it would have been the
first real thing that I'd hadCopy !req
231. in a long time. Plus, we were
extremely compatible sexually.Copy !req
232. You are a grandmother.Copy !req
233. The next weekend never happened.Copy !req
234. He just disappeared.Copy !req
235. And the jerk didn'tCopy !req
236. even text me.Copy !req
237. And now he's here
with a pretty girl,Copy !req
238. and I'm alone.Copy !req
239. All right. Come on.Copy !req
240. Let's go make this clown regret
ever letting you go, huh?Copy !req
241. Okay.
Do I have permission
to go full Martino?Copy !req
242. Okay. Okay.
All right. Come on.Copy !req
243. What's sexier, do you think,
Australian or Spanish accent?Copy !req
244. Neither, please.
(hybrid accent):
Why don't I go for both?Copy !req
245. So, to solve the problem,Copy !req
246. we have locked down the toiletCopy !req
247. and installed nanny cams
everywhere.Copy !req
248. The bedroom,
office, bathroom.Copy !req
249. Yeah, that's why you put
a cameraCopy !req
250. in the bathroom Vanessa uses.
(chuckles)Copy !req
251. I know.
What a perv,Copy !req
252. right?
(chuckles)Copy !req
253. Huh. Edie's not in her bed.
Where is she?Copy !req
254. You got to be kidding me.Copy !req
255. How did she get all
of our stuff?Copy !req
256. Where the hell
is Vanessa?Copy !req
257. I don't know, man.Copy !req
258. Maybe she's in the bathroom?Copy !req
259. You should check the bathroom.Copy !req
260. Yo.Copy !req
261. Yo. Where are you?Copy !req
262. I'm in your tub. What's wrong?Copy !req
263. Oh, good. You're in the bath.Copy !req
264. Uh, Edie's about to come
into the bathroom.Copy !req
265. Uh-oh. I lied.Copy !req
266. I'm in your mom's tub next door.Copy !req
267. It has the jets.
Well, get to the guesthouse.Copy !req
268. Edie's about to flush
all our stuff.Copy !req
269. Bro, I don't mean
to alarm you, but homegirlCopy !req
270. is going all Houdini
on that lock. (gasps)Copy !req
271. Okay, that's
kind of impressive.Copy !req
272. Greg, is that you?Copy !req
273. Oh. Uh, Sara.
It's Craig, actually.Copy !req
274. No biggie.
It's really good to see you.Copy !req
275. This is my boyfriend.
Hi. James Martino. Pleasure.Copy !req
276. Cheers. This is Juliet.Copy !req
277. Where's Romeo?Copy !req
278. Let me guess, first date?Copy !req
279. Actually, second.
Yeah.Copy !req
280. Second date. What was our second
date? It was so long ago.Copy !req
281. It was, like, what,
two years ago, right?
(chuckles)Copy !req
282. Feels like it
was just yesterday.Copy !req
283. You can't beat new love.
But the real trickCopy !req
284. is finding a way to keep that
excitement alive year two.Copy !req
285. We can't tell you
how we did it.Copy !req
286. Wouldn't be appropriate
around mixed company.Copy !req
287. (chuckling)
Oh, James. Stop.Copy !req
288. Uh, we're gonna take off.Copy !req
289. It was great running
into you again, Sara.Copy !req
290. James.Copy !req
291. Hey, Craig.Copy !req
292. You know, I own
a restaurant nearby.Copy !req
293. If you're interested in...Copy !req
294. continuing the night, I'd love
to buy you guys a nightcap.Copy !req
295. Thanks, but we're pretty beat...
Sure,Copy !req
296. why not?
Okay, good.Copy !req
297. Follow us, huh?Copy !req
298. (quietly):
He's jealin' so hard.Copy !req
299. Are they looking
over here right now?Copy !req
300. Yep. Whoa.Copy !req
301. Okay, no cupping.Copy !req
302. Does that girl he was with
look familiar to you?Copy !req
303. I swear I've seen her
somewhere before.Copy !req
304. Is she a Price
Is Right Girl?Copy !req
305. You're not gonna believe this,
but that James guy,Copy !req
306. we slept together.
Like, a year ago.
What?Copy !req
307. Which means
he cheated on her.
Seriously?Copy !req
308. Yeah.
What a jackass.Copy !req
309. I know who she is. I think
she's my dental hygienist.Copy !req
310. No, it's not her.Copy !req
311. For those of you just tuning in,
Vanessa is out of the tub.Copy !req
312. We don't know if it's a robe
or a towel situation.Copy !req
313. What we do know is right now
she's headed overCopy !req
314. to Gerald's bathroom
to stop EdieCopy !req
315. from flushing everything
they hold dearCopy !req
316. down the toilet.Copy !req
317. Uh, my class ring.Copy !req
318. My Arctic explorer's compass.Copy !req
319. My second place
science fair ribbon.Copy !req
320. I have cool stuff, too.Copy !req
321. Oh, come on.Copy !req
322. Edie, stop! Remember
the toilet monster! (grunts)Copy !req
323. Last item in the cart, folks.
Could be anything.Copy !req
324. I know I'm hoping
for a family heirloom.Copy !req
325. Mm-hmm.
Why are you all
rooting for this?Copy !req
326. Oh. That's my hard drive,
with-with all my photosCopy !req
327. and my videos and my memesCopy !req
328. and my ideas
for new memes.Copy !req
329. (gasping)
No!Copy !req
330. Guys, whatever happens next,
it's been one heck of a ride.Copy !req
331. Ooh, and here comes Vanessa in
a robe that covers everything.
Get it.Copy !req
332. That's what I'm talking about!Copy !req
333. Huh?Copy !req
334. (exhales)
All right, well,Copy !req
335. we should probably get back
to work.Copy !req
336. Orders are piling up. Yeah.Copy !req
337. And here we are.
Here's my little, uh...Copy !req
338. my little food joint.
Humble brag.Copy !req
339. Yeah.
Come on in. Got the table
all set up for you guys.Copy !req
340. Here we are.
Nice.Copy !req
341. Allow me.
Thank you.Copy !req
342. I'm sorry, Craig,
I didn't even ask. What, uh...Copy !req
343. what is it that you do?Copy !req
344. I'm a musician.
Ah.Copy !req
345. Right now, I'm in a jazz
quintet, The Quintangibles.Copy !req
346. I made up the name,
but I hate it.Copy !req
347. (laughs)
How's the money in that?Copy !req
348. Well, if you get into musicCopy !req
349. for the money,
you've already failed, right?Copy !req
350. So it's not good, huh?Copy !req
351. Sounds like money's
pretty important to you.Copy !req
352. Where does being faithful
fall on your list?Copy !req
353. Huh?Copy !req
354. Is this
"Don't Dream It's Over"?Copy !req
355. Jimmy, was this you?
What? No.Copy !req
356. It was me.Copy !req
357. Only way I can get her
out on the dance floor.Copy !req
358. Order anything
you want on the house,Copy !req
359. even the market price stuff.Copy !req
360. Hey, good call
coming here.Copy !req
361. This is super fun for me.Copy !req
362. I can't believe
you remember this.Copy !req
363. Mm-hmm. How could
I forget it?Copy !req
364. The manager at
Bistro NovaCopy !req
365. played it every
night at closing.Copy !req
366. It always comes to me when I'm
mopping or taking out the trash.Copy !req
367. Yeah?Copy !req
368. Do you remember
the dance we made up?Copy !req
369. Nope.
(laughs)Copy !req
370. a heads up before
I dip you, so...Copy !req
371. Oh, Jimmy, don't you dare.
Ah.Copy !req
372. Oh. (laughs)Copy !req
373. All right, that was fun.
Now let me up.Copy !req
374. I warned you.
(Sara laughs)Copy !req
375. Is it just me, or are those
two totally digging each other?Copy !req
376. They are. They're just too
emotionally stunted to admit it.Copy !req
377. If I'm that stupid
at 50, kill me.Copy !req
378. I'm gonna kill you
way before you're 50.Copy !req
379. Hey, for our third date, can we
help one of your friends move?Copy !req
380. Yeah.Copy !req
381. (applause)
That was so... so fun.Copy !req
382. (whoops)
Sorry about that.Copy !req
383. Yeah. Got a little
carried away out there.Copy !req
384. No, no, no,
not at all. You twoCopy !req
385. make a really nice couple.Copy !req
386. Thank you.
How'd you meet?Copy !req
387. Oh, it's an incredible,
story, actually.
Oh, not the Obamas.Copy !req
388. We worked together
in a bistro.Copy !req
389. It was, what, 1989?Copy !req
390. That is true.Copy !req
391. She was the pastry chef,
I was the host, and,Copy !req
392. oh, God, the moment
I saw her, I was into her.Copy !req
393. And I-I kid you not, first words
out of my mouth were...Copy !req
394. Want to get out of here?Copy !req
395. Right. She avoided me,
and then,Copy !req
396. I eventually wore her down,
and we datedCopy !req
397. for a while, and then...Copy !req
398. But I was young
and dumb, and I...Copy !req
399. I didn't realize what I had,
and so I let her go.Copy !req
400. I'm sure you guys want me to
get to the end of the story.Copy !req
401. I-I got a second chance, andCopy !req
402. this time around,
I know what I have,Copy !req
403. and I'm not gonna blow it.Copy !req
404. Oh, God, I can't
take it any longer.Copy !req
405. Sara, he cheated on you with me!Copy !req
406. What? That-that's not...Copy !req
407. Polo House.
Cinco De Mayo.Copy !req
408. Right. I knew I knew you.Copy !req
409. Did you used to wear glasses?Copy !req
410. You seriously don't remember
someone you had sex with?
Sara, I can explain.Copy !req
411. She wore glasses back then.Copy !req
412. This is so classic you.Copy !req
413. I don't even know why
I'm surprised here.Copy !req
414. Hey, at least now
you won't wasteCopy !req
415. another two years
with this slimeball.Copy !req
416. Two years?Copy !req
417. (laughing):
I'm sorry.Copy !req
418. That's just funny,
the thought of anyoneCopy !req
419. dating him for two years.Copy !req
420. It's not that funny.Copy !req
421. We're not a couple, Craig.Copy !req
422. This was just a silly trick
that clearly went on too long.Copy !req
423. Sorry. What?
You and I spent an
amazing weekend together,Copy !req
424. and then you just disappeared.Copy !req
425. And, believe me, I get
the no-text fade-away.Copy !req
426. I just did it last week
with my podiatrist.
Dr. Greenbaum?Copy !req
427. But we both know that
weekend was different.Copy !req
428. Ask any piece of furniture
in that cabin,Copy !req
429. and they'll tell you
the same thing.Copy !req
430. On that note,Copy !req
431. I'm going home to drink.Copy !req
432. Ah. This is fuller.Copy !req
433. (sighs)
You know, I'm a
big fan of Edie's,Copy !req
434. but no one tells you that
parenting is mostly waking up,Copy !req
435. working, and then fishing all
your stuff out of the toilet.Copy !req
436. Tyra never saidCopy !req
437. that working all the time could
mess up your kid like this.Copy !req
438. What are we gonna do, G?
We've tried everything.Copy !req
439. Well, not everything.Copy !req
440. So, what's going
on, bubba?Copy !req
441. Why do you keep
flushing MommyCopy !req
442. and Daddy's things
down the toilet?Copy !req
443. Yeah, what's got you so upset?Copy !req
444. Toilet hungry.Copy !req
445. Toilet hungry?Copy !req
446. (laughter)
Oh, God.Copy !req
447. (laughing)
That's what it was?Copy !req
448. I guess we're not inflictingCopy !req
449. lifelong damage on our
daughter after all.Copy !req
450. Are we the most
awesome parents ever?Copy !req
451. Yeah, I don't think there's any
other way to interpret it.Copy !req
452. But to be honest,
I'm barely paying attentionCopy !req
453. because your robe's
half-open.
Uh!Copy !req
454. Uh. Oh. Oh!
You!Copy !req
455. (laughing)
Okay. You go high, I'll go low.Copy !req
456. You get Mama.
Get Mama. Get her.
Oh, no.Copy !req
457. Get her! Get her!
Uh-uh. No!Copy !req
458. Is it just me,
or do those two belong together?Copy !req
459. They do. They're just
too emotionally stuntedCopy !req
460. to do anything about it.Copy !req
461. (sighs)
If I'm that stupid
at 25, kill me.Copy !req
462. Wait. How old are you?Copy !req
463. 19.Copy !req
464. Oh, Victor, you
need to moisturize.Copy !req
465. Whoa!Copy !req
466. Hey.Copy !req
467. All right, what's wrong?Copy !req
468. No, nothing's wrong.
Jimmy,Copy !req
469. you're editing yourself
into photos with Kate Middleton,Copy !req
470. but your heart's not in it. You
didn't even get rid of William.Copy !req
471. You think most people wouldCopy !req
472. remember what a person
with glasses looks likeCopy !req
473. if that person suddenly
stopped wearing glasses?Copy !req
474. You forgot
someone you slept with,Copy !req
475. and it reminded Sara
you're a cad?
No. Maybe.Copy !req
476. How did you know that?Copy !req
477. None of that's
a deal breaker for her.Copy !req
478. I've seen the way
she looks at you.Copy !req
479. Nah, she doesn't look at me.Copy !req
480. She looks at me?Copy !req
481. Listen, I knowCopy !req
482. you're never gonna admit
to me that you like her,Copy !req
483. but if you ever decide
to admit it to yourself,Copy !req
484. I wouldn't wait around
to do something about it.Copy !req
485. You know what a cad wouldn't do?Copy !req
486. Let Sara know tonight wasn't
just fun and games to you.Copy !req
487. Hey.Copy !req
488. Hey, Craig. Uh, I've got
couch hair and cake on my shirt.Copy !req
489. Ignore that.Copy !req
490. Look, we didn't really get
a chance to talk tonight,Copy !req
491. and I thought you deserved
to know why I disappeared on youCopy !req
492. back then.
Okay.Copy !req
493. I must have written and deletedCopy !req
494. 20 different texts to you
since that weekend.Copy !req
495. I guess I just thought
if I saw you again,Copy !req
496. it would lead
to something serious,Copy !req
497. and I didn't know if I was ready
to take that journey.Copy !req
498. Look, I could come up
with a bunch of excusesCopy !req
499. about the tortured life
of an artist,Copy !req
500. or my bone marrow
situation...Copy !req
501. What? Are you okay?Copy !req
502. Yeah. No, no, that's just
an example of an excuse.Copy !req
503. Look, the point is,Copy !req
504. I know I don't deserve
another chance,Copy !req
505. but I'm still gonna ask for one.Copy !req
506. Hey, Jimmy.Copy !req
507. Hey. Uh, I know it's late.Copy !req
508. I-I just wanted
to call you and tell youCopy !req
509. that I had a really good time
tonight.Copy !req
510. And, listen,
next time we do that dance,Copy !req
511. I think...Copy !req
512. I'm sorry. You know,
now is not the best time.Copy !req
513. No, that's okay, darlin'.Copy !req
514. Is that Craig over there?Copy !req
515. (laughing)
You guys are crazy.Copy !req
516. Have a good time tonight. Bye.Copy !req
517. Looks like it's just you and me
tonight, Princess Kate.Copy !req