1. I don't know. They're okay...Copy !req
2. I wish they were available in
a darker shade of black, though.
Ugh.Copy !req
3. How 'bout these?
Let's see these.Copy !req
4. This is how you see me?Copy !req
5. A guy who wears boxy glasses
like an idiot?Copy !req
6. A boxy-glassed idiot?Copy !req
7. Hmm...
Stand down.Copy !req
8. He left them
in Edie's bed again.Copy !req
9. Give me, give me, give me,
give me, give me.Copy !req
10. You're welcome.Copy !req
11. Yeah. Oh, yeah. See?
Sophisticated yet playful.Copy !req
12. Welcome home, boys.Copy !req
13. What? Let me see.
No.Copy !req
14. W... You going out
with Ryan again? Whoo...Copy !req
15. It's not Ryan. It's Brian.Copy !req
16. Wait, there might be
a Ryan also.Copy !req
17. Anyway, this is Scott.Copy !req
18. He's very promising.
His sister is my accountant.Copy !req
19. Sounds like a write-off to me.Copy !req
20. I literally came up with that
right now.Copy !req
21. Literally right now?
Uh-huh.Copy !req
22. Wow.Copy !req
23. Your accountant's a woman?Copy !req
24. Um, yes.
With a hot brother.Copy !req
25. Oh. Oh.
Well, you know what they say.Copy !req
26. Small boat...
Stop s...Copy !req
27. No one says that!Copy !req
28. small dinghy.
Oh. Hello?Copy !req
29. See, the beauty
of the small dinghy joke,Copy !req
30. you didn't see it coming.Copy !req
31. Came out of nowhere.
Right.Copy !req
32. Yeah.
That was Edie's school.Copy !req
33. They want me
to come down there.Copy !req
34. I'm an emergency contact.
You are? Am I?Copy !req
35. Am I an emergency contact?
I mean, I'm the most
important manCopy !req
36. in her life.
Besides her father.Copy !req
37. I mean, he plays
a certain role, too.Copy !req
38. I should go with you.Copy !req
39. Yes. Fine. Whatever.
All right.Copy !req
40. Oh, you know what?
They called me, too.Copy !req
41. They-they tried me
three times, so...Copy !req
42. Ten times,
actually, so...Copy !req
43. That's great! You win!
It's so weird.Copy !req
44. I wonder why they couldn't reach
Vanessa and Gerald.Copy !req
45. Look at us. Right? Phones off
so we can focus on the appCopy !req
46. we created to help
co-parent our kid.Copy !req
47. Best parents ever.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
48. Strobe light.Copy !req
49. We spent too much time
rehearsing that.Copy !req
50. Now we're hunkering down.
We're ready to rock.
Yes.Copy !req
51. Uh, so here's
how the app works.Copy !req
52. The app helps par...Copy !req
53. Ravi?Copy !req
54. Sorry, still on that handshake.Copy !req
55. I was thinking
I could improve upon it,Copy !req
56. but I like what you guys
are doing.Copy !req
57. I'm all ears.Copy !req
58. The app helps parents
who don't live togetherCopy !req
59. coordinate their kids' lives.
Like schedules...Copy !req
60. Appointments.
School assignments.Copy !req
61. I came up with the idea,
and I also came up with the ideaCopy !req
62. for Gerald to do all the work
making it.Copy !req
63. We are a very good team.Copy !req
64. Color me impressed.Copy !req
65. I have an eye
for this kind of thing.Copy !req
66. You guys have the next Google
on your hands.Copy !req
67. Oh! I knew it.Copy !req
68. Google?
Yeah,Copy !req
69. it's just a prototype
that lives on my computer.Copy !req
70. Time-out. Prototype? Computer?Copy !req
71. Um, that's how Google started.Copy !req
72. Keep going.
Uh...Copy !req
73. we would need some investor
money for stuff likeCopy !req
74. software and server space.Copy !req
75. Stickers, hoodies,
water bottles.
Yeah.Copy !req
76. Well, you are in luck.Copy !req
77. You ever heard
of a guy namedCopy !req
78. Kirk Kelly?
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
79. and-and PornGarbage.
You know him?Copy !req
80. Do I know him?Copy !req
81. Yeah, we were in the
same pledge class together:Copy !req
82. Chi Psi, AKA the frat
that loved Adam Sandler moviesCopy !req
83. and partying.
Yeah, Kirk and I are bros.Copy !req
84. We text on the regs.
Do you think
you could text him for us?Copy !req
85. Unfortunately,
I'm out of texts this month.Copy !req
86. But... you guys are worth
the seven cents.Copy !req
87. I'm on it.Copy !req
88. Awesome.Copy !req
89. Yo, man.Copy !req
90. Oh, no, no, and then
it's a left.Copy !req
91. Your rhythm's way off.Copy !req
92. You're better than this.Copy !req
93. Sorry.Copy !req
94. Thank you, Ravi!Copy !req
95. Mmm!Copy !req
96. Now, that is good maté.Copy !req
97. Thank you for coming down
today, Sara.Copy !req
98. And who are you?Copy !req
99. Oh, I'm Edie's other
emergency contact.Copy !req
100. No, he's not.Copy !req
101. Different truths.Copy !req
102. Anyway,
I'm sure you're wonderingCopy !req
103. why you're here. Edie is fine.
Good.
Good, good.Copy !req
104. She was just bitten
by another child.Copy !req
105. What?
What? Edie.Copy !req
106. Honey!
She's permanently disfigured.Copy !req
107. She's a monster now.Copy !req
108. Oh, no,
it goes away when you rub it.Copy !req
109. What?Copy !req
110. What little sicko did this?Copy !req
111. Bring him in here.Copy !req
112. Or her.Copy !req
113. Oh, so it's a her.Copy !req
114. No, I'm just pointing outCopy !req
115. the sexism in your phraseology.Copy !req
116. Yeah, Sara, get
with the times.Copy !req
117. Even some accountants are women.Copy !req
118. Just tell us who did this,
so we can speakCopy !req
119. to the parents and work it out.Copy !req
120. Well, obviously I can't share
the biter's identity.Copy !req
121. I'm sorry?
It's a policy here
at Cricket Canyon.Copy !req
122. These incidents,
they're teachable momentsCopy !req
123. that we prefer
to handle internally.Copy !req
124. That way the biter
doesn't feel less than.Copy !req
125. "Less than"?
Someone bit Edie.Copy !req
126. There is less Edie.Copy !req
127. Well, didn't break skin, so...Copy !req
128. This is unbelievable.
In my day—Copy !req
129. wow, I can't believe
you just made me sayCopy !req
130. "in my day"--
school policyCopy !req
131. did not prevent
parents fromCopy !req
132. protecting their children...
Okay,Copy !req
133. so you're starting
to raise your voiceCopy !req
134. because you're getting angry...Copy !req
135. No, that's how she always talks.Copy !req
136. Right now,
you're at an orange-red.Copy !req
137. What do you think we can do
to get you down to green?Copy !req
138. Oh...
I'm not sureCopy !req
139. the chart's helping.Copy !req
140. Yee-haw!Copy !req
141. Dad cow...
I mean, some evenCopy !req
142. say binary code is the
language of love.Copy !req
143. Who says that?Copy !req
144. Programmers.Copy !req
145. Gerald!Copy !req
146. There you are.
First off, sweet pad.Copy !req
147. I rock that exact same futon.
More importantly,Copy !req
148. didn't you get my 50 texts?
That's, like, four bucks, man.
Oh.Copy !req
149. Yeah, yeah.
We're staying offlineCopy !req
150. until we make
some real progress.Copy !req
151. Guys, I've got great news.Copy !req
152. I got you that meeting
with Kirk Kelly!Copy !req
153. This Friday, 2:00.Copy !req
154. Oh.
Uh...Copy !req
155. Yeah... uh, Friday,
that's only three daysCopy !req
156. to get the app
fully functional, though.Copy !req
157. And prepare a pitch.Copy !req
158. Oy vey, as the Jews say.Copy !req
159. I gotta say, this isn't
the reception I expected.Copy !req
160. I thought I'd be getting sprayed
with champagne right now.Copy !req
161. I brought these goggles.
No, it's awesome.Copy !req
162. Ravi, this is amazing.
Thank you. Okay?
Yeah.Copy !req
163. We'll be ready by Friday.
Thank you.
Cool.Copy !req
164. Yes.
You know?
And since I know Kirk, you canCopy !req
165. practice your presentation on me
this Thursday.Copy !req
166. Now, with that said,
I'm gonna get out of your hair,Copy !req
167. because you kids have
a lot of work to do.Copy !req
168. Thank you, Ravi!
Hey, Ravi.Copy !req
169. Hey.
What's my chef
doing here?Copy !req
170. Why do you have my baby?
She got bitten at school!Copy !req
171. What?
You okay, Mama?Copy !req
172. They called us both down,
so, you know...
And get this:Copy !req
173. they have some touchy-feely
policy not to tell usCopy !req
174. which kid did it, so we are
powerless to protect Edie.Copy !req
175. Uh...
Actually, we agree
with the policy.Copy !req
176. Yeah. It's progressive.
So, you know,Copy !req
177. they do things differently than
when we were back at school.Copy !req
178. Freaking millennials.Copy !req
179. You should've seen her face
down at the school.Copy !req
180. Total orange-red. Ow.Copy !req
181. The important thing is
is that Edie's okay.Copy !req
182. And let's just trust
the school to handle thisCopy !req
183. the Cricket Canyon way
and-and make sureCopy !req
184. that Edie doesn't
get bitten again.Copy !req
185. She got bitten again!Copy !req
186. Cricket freaking Canyon!Copy !req
187. Now can we handle this my way?Copy !req
188. Hey, hey! Enjoy a tasty app
while you work on your app.Copy !req
189. It's not really an app, it's
an entree, but I used "app"Copy !req
190. for the jo... I'm still
not on the contact list?Copy !req
191. What's it gonna take?Copy !req
192. Well, I'm mad about Edie, too.Copy !req
193. I'm mad about two things.Copy !req
194. Edie, we really need to
know who's been biting you,Copy !req
195. so we can talk to their
parents and make it stop.Copy !req
196. Right. So we're gonna
ask you one more timeCopy !req
197. who it is, okay?
And don't say...Copy !req
198. Santa.Copy !req
199. Santa!
My baby ain't no rat.Copy !req
200. Maybe we need
to change schools.Copy !req
201. This is the worst week
for this to happen.Copy !req
202. I guess we got
to cancel the pitch, right?Copy !req
203. You are not canceling the pitch.Copy !req
204. You are not changing schools.Copy !req
205. You let me handle this.
I'll find the biter.Copy !req
206. Yeah, and I'm gonna help her.
No matter what we have to do.Copy !req
207. Any ideas on what
we should do?Copy !req
208. Santa.Copy !req
209. It is so great
that you volunteeredCopy !req
210. to be Helper Crickets
today.Copy !req
211. Of course.Copy !req
212. We love the school,Copy !req
213. and we just want to do our part.Copy !req
214. Right, Jimmy?Copy !req
215. Yeah. Chirp, chirp.Copy !req
216. That's what crickets say.
Cricket!Copy !req
217. A cricket can make whatever
sound you want it to make.Copy !req
218. Okay.
Okay. No, it can't.Copy !req
219. It makes a very specific sound.
Yeah.Copy !req
220. Hey, kid. Hey.Copy !req
221. You like candy?
Well, I like names.Copy !req
222. Which one of these punks
bit Edie?Copy !req
223. That's your plan—
shaking down toddlers?Copy !req
224. I'm being perfectly reasonable.
I'm just trying to get a nameCopy !req
225. so we can talk
to the kid's parents.Copy !req
226. Oh, but if you're
not comfortableCopy !req
227. with the duties
of an emergency contact...Copy !req
228. I see what you're doing here.
Don't try to bait meCopy !req
229. into participating
in your chicanery,Copy !req
230. in your tomfoolery, in your...Copy !req
231. "On Tuesday,
Hungry Hedgehog ate one cupcake,Copy !req
232. two carrots,
and bit a classmate on the arm."Copy !req
233. Has anyone here bit
a classmate on the arm? Anyone?Copy !req
234. That's not how the book goes.Copy !req
235. Well, when you're
the Helper Cricket,Copy !req
236. you can read the book
any way you want.Copy !req
237. I hate you.Copy !req
238. Hey, sweetie.Copy !req
239. Let's solve
a mystery together.Copy !req
240. Do you know who bit Edie?Copy !req
241. My cat bit my dog and my dog
yelled like this:Copy !req
242. All right, that's great.
Get out of here. Next.Copy !req
243. So... this is what
the biter looks like, huh?Copy !req
244. I can work with this.Copy !req
245. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
246. Hi, sweetie. Let's solveCopy !req
247. a mystery together.
Do you know who bit Edie?Copy !req
248. Maybe a ghost?Copy !req
249. Is this a joke to you?Copy !req
250. Smile.Copy !req
251. Did you bite Edie?Copy !req
252. Hey!Copy !req
253. I like swinging, don't you?Copy !req
254. You like biting?
You ever just, uh, bite a kid?Copy !req
255. You're right—
this didn't work.Copy !req
256. Guess I forgot
how stupid kids are.Copy !req
257. Sorry you came up empty, but
I've got some promising leads.Copy !req
258. I heard you're
looking for a biter.Copy !req
259. I'll sing for you.Copy !req
260. But it don't come cheap.Copy !req
261. Oh, my God, she's the same age
as the rest of them,Copy !req
262. yet she speaks like us.Copy !req
263. This is really cool.Copy !req
264. What do you want for it, kid?Copy !req
265. My name is Clementine.Copy !req
266. And I want a sand castle.Copy !req
267. A good one.Copy !req
268. But you better be quick,
because recess is almost over.Copy !req
269. How are you at sand castles?Copy !req
270. Nice moat work.Copy !req
271. When did you get so good
at building sand castles?Copy !req
272. I've always been artistic.
I'm just shy about it.Copy !req
273. Oh, that's right,Copy !req
274. I forgot what a sensitive
creature you are.Copy !req
275. You have a bandage in your hair.Copy !req
276. Ew! Yuck. Get it out,
get it out.Copy !req
277. Ooh, sorry.Copy !req
278. Don't worry,
I got you.Copy !req
279. Thank you.Copy !req
280. This'll do.Copy !req
281. This'll do just fine.Copy !req
282. Dragon attack!Copy !req
283. Oh!
Oh!Copy !req
284. My moat, my moat!Copy !req
285. Hey, wait a minute—
we need a name.Copy !req
286. Who's the biter?Copy !req
287. Alex is!Copy !req
288. Alex.
Our work here is done.Copy !req
289. Wrong, rookie.
It's just begun.Copy !req
290. I like this side of you.Copy !req
291. You're like a badass chick
on Criminal Minds or something.Copy !req
292. All right entrepre-nerds,Copy !req
293. let's hear your pitch.Copy !req
294. Pretend I'm Kirk. Okay?Copy !req
295. Okay.Copy !req
296. Hi Kirk, nice to meet you...Copy !req
297. Stop right there.
Nice?Copy !req
298. You know what's nice?Copy !req
299. Homemade jam.Copy !req
300. Guys,
this is Kirk freaking Kelly.Copy !req
301. He is the jam.Copy !req
302. Not to mention my boy.Copy !req
303. Let's start over.Copy !req
304. Okay.Copy !req
305. Right.Copy !req
306. Hi, Kirk, it's an
honor to meet you...Copy !req
307. Stop. Don't suck up.Copy !req
308. Guys, come on!Copy !req
309. This ain't no disco.Copy !req
310. This ain't
no country club either.Copy !req
311. This is Kirk Kelly.Copy !req
312. Does he know that...
I don't think so.Copy !req
313. You got to be on point.
You got to be on your toes.Copy !req
314. You got to think fa...
Aah! Ooh.Copy !req
315. That was impressively fast.Copy !req
316. Why are you being so
intense about this?Copy !req
317. I mean, if Kirk's your boy,
it shouldn't matter.
Uh, there's no "if" there.Copy !req
318. If I have a son,
I'm gonna name him Kirk.Copy !req
319. And I'll never love him
as much as I love Kirk Kelly.Copy !req
320. Wh... You're
guaranteeing right nowCopy !req
321. that if you have a kid, you will
love him less than Kirk Kelly.Copy !req
322. That's what I said.
What?Copy !req
323. All right, now,
let's try this againCopy !req
324. from the top.
And by the way,Copy !req
325. it's "Kirk," not "Kirk."Copy !req
326. Uh, okay... Kirk.Copy !req
327. Better. Now think fast...Copy !req
328. Thank you so muchCopy !req
329. for having Alex over.Copy !req
330. It's rare the grandparents
host a playdate.Copy !req
331. It's not that rare.Copy !req
332. Yeah, it happens
all the time.Copy !req
333. I just have to ask, though:Copy !req
334. is Edie gonna stay
in the playpen the whole time?Copy !req
335. Oh, about that.
We may be old school,Copy !req
336. but we prefer Edie
to play with kidsCopy !req
337. that don't try to eat her.Copy !req
338. I'm sorry?
That's right—
Alex bit Edie twice.Copy !req
339. This whole playdate thingCopy !req
340. was a brilliant ruse.Copy !req
341. A playdate
with grandparents?Copy !req
342. Come on. Think, Brenda.Copy !req
343. I am so sorry. Alex,Copy !req
344. what did we say?Copy !req
345. If you acted out one more
time, no Disneyland.Copy !req
346. Maybe next year, bud.Copy !req
347. This'll never happen again.Copy !req
348. I think Alex is misbehavingCopy !req
349. because his grandfather passed.Copy !req
350. That's why he hasn't
been in school all week.Copy !req
351. Edie was bitten
yesterday.Copy !req
352. Let it go.
We're in too deep.Copy !req
353. Alex, it's Mickey Mouse
on the phone.Copy !req
354. He says he's very
unhappy with you.Copy !req
355. Look at his eyes.
Stay strong.Copy !req
356. Oh...Copy !req
357. I can't believe Clementine lied.Copy !req
358. Well, anyone who destroys
a castle that beautifulCopy !req
359. can't be trusted.
Yeah.Copy !req
360. So... back to the school
tomorrow?Copy !req
361. Biter's got to be
out there somewhere.Copy !req
362. I don't know.
Maybe we should hang it up.Copy !req
363. Really?Copy !req
364. Yeah, we did the vigilante thingCopy !req
365. and just destroyed
a three-year-old's vacation.Copy !req
366. Well, don't worry, I slipped
Alex a 20 on his way out.Copy !req
367. Ugh.Copy !req
368. I'll talk to
the school again.Copy !req
369. It'll probably be fine.Copy !req
370. You think?Copy !req
371. This was kind of fun, though.Copy !req
372. Yeah, we did have fun.Copy !req
373. Who's that?
Who's that?Copy !req
374. Oh. Hey, hey!
Scott has docked,Copy !req
375. so looks like
tomorrow night is on.Copy !req
376. Oh, cool— small boat guy.Copy !req
377. Whoo-hoo.Copy !req
378. Hello, Scotland Yard.Copy !req
379. Uh, it's a Sherlock Holmes
reference.Copy !req
380. No, no, no, no.
It's fine.Copy !req
381. Well, he's hot.
Leave me alone.Copy !req
382. Yeah, tomorrow's good.
I can't wait.Copy !req
383. Ravi, I see you're
working your usual corner.Copy !req
384. What's a billion dollars
get me?Copy !req
385. Kirk, man.Copy !req
386. Dude, I'm glad you made it.
I was gonna tell you to Waze itCopy !req
387. and then I'm like, "Uh, smarten
up, Ravi, this is the guyCopy !req
388. who invented technol..."Copy !req
389. Oh... You got me, man.Copy !req
390. No, I deserved it.Copy !req
391. I was being long-winded
and boring. Come here.Copy !req
392. Whoa.Copy !req
393. Hey, Kirk, it's so exciting
to meet you, man.Copy !req
394. What, you want an autograph
or something?
Sure.Copy !req
395. Dude, calm down,
I'm not Jeremy Piven.
Oh.Copy !req
396. Then no.
What, I'm not as cool
as Jeremy Piven to you?Copy !req
397. What?
Relax, I'm messing.
Piven's a friend.Copy !req
398. And you don't have to
kiss my ass. Ravi's momCopy !req
399. took care of that before
I got here, right?Copy !req
400. Man, Kirk, when I don't
see you for a while,Copy !req
401. I kind of forget what
a skank my mom is. Classic.Copy !req
402. Incoming.Copy !req
403. Ooh.
Ravi, grab those.Copy !req
404. You like to be
on your knees, huh?
You know I do. Hey!Copy !req
405. Like my mom, right?Copy !req
406. Is he always like this?Copy !req
407. Like what— hilarious?Copy !req
408. He seems like
he's the worst.Copy !req
409. Yeah, the worst
at not being the best.Copy !req
410. You know, you remind me
of my stepbrother.Copy !req
411. Oh, is he awesome?Copy !req
412. No, no, he's in jail
for stalking Oprah.Copy !req
413. Anyway, let's get inside
so you guys can buy me dinner.Copy !req
414. Yeah.Copy !req
415. Hey.Copy !req
416. I need your credit
card so I can send AlexCopy !req
417. those anonymous
Disneyland tickets.Copy !req
418. Preschool yearbook?Copy !req
419. Eh, at least
you're reading.Copy !req
420. So close to catching this guy.Copy !req
421. Or girl.
The biter could be either sex.Copy !req
422. You're still on this?Copy !req
423. Yes, of course. I'm nothing
if not a champion of justice.Copy !req
424. You've stolen bathrobesCopy !req
425. from every luxury
hotel chain in America.Copy !req
426. Yeah, here, here,
here, here, here, here—Copy !req
427. Good-bye.
Thank you.Copy !req
428. I wish Sara was here
to help me.
Whatever.Copy !req
429. Just text me the address
for Alex's parents.Copy !req
430. Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
431. Say that again.Copy !req
432. Which part?
Alex's parents.Copy !req
433. When I asked who the biter was,
Clementine said,Copy !req
434. "Alex is." Alex is. Alex is.Copy !req
435. Alex is. Alexis. Alexis. Alexis!Copy !req
436. Alexis!Copy !req
437. Aha!Copy !req
438. Gotcha.Copy !req
439. CoParentPro
isn't just gonna changeCopy !req
440. the way single parents
communicate.Copy !req
441. It's gonna change the entire
concept of co-parenting.Copy !req
442. Not to mention
128-bit encryptionCopy !req
443. and cloud syncing capability.Copy !req
444. Which are words I know.Copy !req
445. What did I tell you?
My girl's like Steve Wozniak!Copy !req
446. You're like Steve Blobs.Copy !req
447. Yeah, 'cause it's
like Steve Jobs.Copy !req
448. It's a good one.Copy !req
449. It's okay to laugh
when I'm funny.Copy !req
450. It's classic!Copy !req
451. Um... but, uh,
you-you know, the beautyCopy !req
452. of CoParentPro is that
it seamlessly mergesCopy !req
453. every aspect of childcare, so,
be it schedules, appointments,Copy !req
454. meals, schoolwork...
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
455. So that even if both parents
aren't under the same roof,Copy !req
456. they'll be on...Copy !req
457. the same page.Copy !req
458. It's like the next Google.Copy !req
459. I have a question.Copy !req
460. Please.
So...Copy !req
461. the two of you...Copy !req
462. had a baby together?Copy !req
463. Yeah.Copy !req
464. So, how did this happen?Copy !req
465. What, did he
Revenge of the Nerds youCopy !req
466. with a Darth Vader mask?Copy !req
467. Listen, Kirk, I don't know what
you're insinuating here,Copy !req
468. because I've only seen
Nerds in Paradise...Copy !req
469. Oh, don't get offended.
I'm just asking the questionCopy !req
470. everyone who's ever met you
wants to know.Copy !req
471. Th-This is ridiculous.Copy !req
472. You're not even listening
to the pitch.Copy !req
473. Oh, you mean the pitch
that told meCopy !req
474. you have next
to no experience in tech,Copy !req
475. no proof-of-concept or sales,Copy !req
476. yet you're valuing your company
at 100K?Copy !req
477. So between all
those hilarious insults,Copy !req
478. you were listening.Copy !req
479. It's good multi-tasking.Copy !req
480. Well, now that you know
I am listening,Copy !req
481. why don't you pitch it out againCopy !req
482. and see if you can address
some of my concerns?Copy !req
483. Hey! Finally.Copy !req
484. Where you been?Copy !req
485. I was in the shower.Copy !req
486. Are you the idiot who's been
calling every 30 seconds?Copy !req
487. No, I'm the idiot
who cracked the case.Copy !req
488. I got a name and an address.Copy !req
489. Seriously? That's amazing!Copy !req
490. Meet me in Hancock Park.Copy !req
491. We'll wait
for the biter's parentsCopy !req
492. to come home, we'll give them
a good talking to.Copy !req
493. It'll be like
an old-fashioned stakeout.Copy !req
494. I have the Scott thing,
remember?Copy !req
495. Oh, right. Small boat guy.Copy !req
496. All right,
I guess I can fly solo.Copy !req
497. No, we're a team.
Send me the address.Copy !req
498. I've got an hour.Copy !req
499. And I'm doing my makeup
in the car!Copy !req
500. Great. I'll bring snacks.Copy !req
501. Ooh, I love snacks!Copy !req
502. If I didn't know any better, I'd
say you're preparing for a date.Copy !req
503. Date? What? I'm not
preparing for a date.Copy !req
504. I'm making some
food for the car.Copy !req
505. You're grating a truffle, Jimmy.Copy !req
506. Are you implying that...?Copy !req
507. You need to lay off
the reefer, man.Copy !req
508. What? Yeah, perhaps I should.Copy !req
509. Date.Copy !req
510. Have fun with Sara.Copy !req
511. It's kind of a bummer
dating a guy with a boatCopy !req
512. 'cause you can't wear
heels on the dock.Copy !req
513. I had to go with wedges.
Yeah, wedges are good.Copy !req
514. Is everything okay?Copy !req
515. You would never approve wedges.Copy !req
516. Yeah. No. I'm just...Copy !req
517. We need to stay focused now.Copy !req
518. I think Alexis's parents
should be home in 20 minutes.Copy !req
519. What?Copy !req
520. Can we really
call this a stakeoutCopy !req
521. if we know exactly
when they're coming home?Copy !req
522. Not really.
It's more like
we're early.Copy !req
523. What are we doing?Copy !req
524. We're in a parked car,
watching someone's house,Copy !req
525. eating prosciutto
di melone.Copy !req
526. I think
we're the crazy grandparents.Copy !req
527. You could make that argument.Copy !req
528. Here. Try the burrata.Copy !req
529. Oh, my God.Copy !req
530. That is amazing!
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
531. Would it be terrible to sayCopy !req
532. that Edie getting bitten
was worth it for this food?Copy !req
533. Yes, that would
be terrible.Copy !req
534. What will you make
if she gets pushed off a swing?Copy !req
535. Oh.Copy !req
536. Crab cakes.Copy !req
537. Lemon aioli, pair it
with a nice Chardonnay.Copy !req
538. Not bad, not bad.Copy !req
539. I'm not hearing anything
about a dessert.Copy !req
540. Mm!Copy !req
541. You know what I'd make?Copy !req
542. You like...
Remember in the old daysCopy !req
543. you'd love...
Scott said
he's ready to meet up.Copy !req
544. I don't really want to drive
out to Marina Del Rey.Copy !req
545. Then you have to be
in Marina Del Rey.Copy !req
546. Maybe I should just
cancel and stay here.Copy !req
547. No, go on the date.Copy !req
548. Scott seems promising.Copy !req
549. Really?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
550. You're on board
with small boat guy?Copy !req
551. You know what they say:
small boat, big... potential.Copy !req
552. I hate to say it,Copy !req
553. but the old version
of that line was funnier.Copy !req
554. All right.Copy !req
555. I'm off to Marina Del Rey.
Blech.Copy !req
556. Have fun.Copy !req
557. In conclusion,
our market analysisCopy !req
558. and real-world experience
make it clearCopy !req
559. that CoParentPro will beCopy !req
560. an unqualified success.Copy !req
561. I hope we've addressed
all your concerns.Copy !req
562. I'm impressed.Copy !req
563. You actually have.Copy !req
564. Oh, except for one.Copy !req
565. Is looking
at your baby a daily reminderCopy !req
566. of the most terrible mistake
you've ever made?Copy !req
567. Okay, we're done here.Copy !req
568. Thank God.
What?Copy !req
569. You know,
I've waited a long timeCopy !req
570. to get paid to do something that
I love, and you have the moneyCopy !req
571. to make it happen,
but it doesn't matter,Copy !req
572. 'cause I don't do business
with douchebags.Copy !req
573. Mm.
And for the record,
Vanessa has madeCopy !req
574. way worse mistakes than me.
That's true.Copy !req
575. Yup. It's time
for you to go, Kirk.Copy !req
576. What, are you serious?Copy !req
577. Yeah. Go away.Copy !req
578. Have a nice night.Copy !req
579. Don't tell me what to do.Copy !req
580. Aah! All right, look,
it's obviousCopy !req
581. you guys can't take
a joke, slash my jokesCopy !req
582. probably don't make me
as cool as I think they do.Copy !req
583. But anyway, your app's
a winner, and I'm in.Copy !req
584. Well, we are not.Copy !req
585. What if I give you double
the seed money?Copy !req
586. It's too late, Kirk.
Get it through your skull.Copy !req
587. Yeah.
You're gonna have to take
that seed money and shove itCopy !req
588. right up...
We're in!Copy !req
589. What? What?Copy !req
590. Hug me, brother! Yes!Copy !req
591. It's the tech industry.Copy !req
592. We're gonna have to do
business with jerks.Copy !req
593. At least this jerk gave us
double our seed money.Copy !req
594. Yeah, I told you
you'd like him.Copy !req
595. Ah, good job, lobs.Copy !req
596. What am I doing here?Copy !req
597. Well, Sara left, and I
didn't want to be a grown manCopy !req
598. sitting out alone in front
of a child's home.Copy !req
599. Oh!Copy !req
600. There's Alexis's
parents. Come on.Copy !req
601. Hey! Your kid bit
my granddaughter!Copy !req
602. Oh, well, that means your kid
spat in my kid's face!Copy !req
603. The school wouldn't
tell us who it was.Copy !req
604. Ah. Call it even, then?Copy !req
605. No, no, no, no— what's
your granddaughter's name?Copy !req
606. Uh... Clementine.Copy !req
607. She hangs out
in the sandbox.Copy !req
608. Snitch had it coming.Copy !req