1. So, Friday night,
I'm with this smokin' hot chick.
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2. Her boyfriend was
on the elevator, too.
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3. He was even better looking.
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4. They're making out so hard
they don't even notice
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5. what comes out
of her purse.
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6. Bam! Susan B. Anthony.
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7. What?
Okay, what?
Another coin story?
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8. Morning, gang.
Whoops.
Oh, thank God.
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9. Jimmy, thank God.
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10. Tell me about
your night.
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11. Oh! Uh...
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12. You're gonna
like this.
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13. I'm buckling my seat belt.
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14. Last night, I'm in
the produce department
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15. at the grocery store and
I'm minding my own business.
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16. And, uh, I'm
not gonna lie,
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17. I'm looking pretty
good, right?
Mm-hmm.
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18. Then I heard this girl
call my name.
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19. "Bimmy!"
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20. Right?
"Bimmy!"
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21. Turns out to be my
granddaughter Edie.
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22. She calls me
"Bimmy" now.
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23. And you think that's crazy?
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24. I looked down on their cart...
we have the same stuff.
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25. Like baby stuff
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26. and snacks for
when she comes over,
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27. and it's like, we got to start
coordinating this!
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28. Anyway...
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29. Uh...
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30. And then—
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31. this is the
best part—
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32. I'm, I go up to the,
um, the checkout area
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33. and who's there?
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34. Pam Anderson, Carmen Electra
and Jenny McCarthy.
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35. And they're like,
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36. "Hey, Bimmy,
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37. "you know,
why don't you, uh,
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38. you know, come down
to the MTV beach house?"
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39. Can I see the coin again?
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40. When did I
become so lame?
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41. Hey, Jimmy.
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42. What did you say
to the guys in the kitchen?
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43. They're really
depressed.
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44. A couple of them took off early.
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45. I used to have
the coolest life.
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46. Now look at me.
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47. I mean, I still look great—
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48. arguably, better.
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49. I am getting more sleep...
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50. You done complimenting yourself?
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51. Something I got to do.
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52. Cancel my morning.
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53. I'm not sure who to call
to cancel your three-hour nap.
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54. See if you can push it
to the afternoon.
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55. Baby girl, are you excited
to see your first movie
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56. with Mommy tonight?
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57. Yeah, now that
you're two,
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58. you can watch screens
without the risk
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59. of developing
long-term attention problems.
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60. Like the ones Mommy has.
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61. All right,
tonight's feature presentation
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62. is The Little Mermaid!
Mm-hmm. Oh, wait.
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63. And if you turn down
the brightness,
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64. well, you can barely see
the cracks?
What?
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65. Our daughter's not watching
her first movie on a phone.
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66. All right? We're gonna use
my set up: 50-inch LCD screen,
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67. 1080 P,
7.1 Dolby surround sound.
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68. Hey, what's
the cup holder sitch?
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69. 'Cause I'm not holding
my own cup.
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70. I have 13 cup holders.
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71. I've had enough!
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72. Look who it is, Edie.
Who is that?
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73. Bimmy!
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74. No, no, not Bimmy.
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75. No offense, kid.
Bimmy is dead.
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76. Bimmy!
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77. Uh, what did I just say?
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78. All right, everyone, do not,
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79. I repeat, do not ask me
to hang out with you tonight.
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80. Wasn't planning on it.
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81. I used to be Jimmy Martino,
man about town.
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82. Now I'm this boring guy
who hangs out in the suburbs
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83. on the weekends with his family.
I'm-I'm...
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84. Bimmy!
Watch yourself, sister.
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85. Now, tonight
I'm gonna get my groove back.
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86. I'm putting the old gang
back together.
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87. That's right—
the Sat Pack.
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88. What's the Sat Pack?
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89. Please don't ask.
Go ahead, Gerald.
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90. You're an adult. Ask.
Finish your question.
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91. Mom, I'm sorry, I have to know.
What's the Sat Pack?
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92. The Sat Pack are
my boys, okay?
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93. And when you get us knuckleheads
together...
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94. watch out, anything can happen.
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95. Uh, fistfights, threesomes.
We once took a trip
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96. to Mount Rushmore—
I never see
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97. these guys anymore, because
I'm stuck with you people.
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98. We call ourselves the Sat Pack,
and do not,
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99. I repeat, do not ask why.
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100. Why do you call...
Gerald, you can see
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101. what he's doing, right?
Don't take the bait.
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102. It's all I want to know.
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103. It's a long story, son,
but, you see...
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104. It's because they
hang out on Saturdays—
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105. that's literally it.
Cool.
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106. Yeah, I came up with the idea.
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107. It's a satire on the Rat Pack.
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108. Well, anyway, the point is,
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109. I'm not hanging out
with you guys tonight, okay?
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110. Tonight I'm dead to you.
You got it?
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111. That's fine,
because we have plans tonight
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112. that have nothing
to do with you.
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113. Bruce found this
great Chinese restaurant...
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114. We get it— Bruce used
to live in China.
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115. Look, I go to Cabo
once a year—
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116. you don't see me pushing tacos
down everyone's throat.
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117. And he is taking me out
with Gerald
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118. and his girlfriend Frankie.
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119. Oh.
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120. You're going on a double
date with your son?
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121. Man, if Ronnie from
the Sat Pack were here,
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122. he'd be like, "Oh,
guys, that's so lame!"
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123. You know...
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124. I'm gonna leave.
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125. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
You drove all the way here
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126. just to brag about
your plans tonight?
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127. You could've called.
No, I came to
pick up my, uh...
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128. my spoon.
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129. Sat Pack!
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130. Sat Pack!
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131. Ravi, Annelise,
I'm here for pleasure tonight,
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132. so the restaurant's
in your hands.
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133. Just do
what I would do.
Mm-hmm.
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134. Suck up to celebrities
and hit on women? Got it.
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135. Jimmy, Jimmy, I can absolutely
hold down the fort tonight,
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136. or— hear me out—
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137. I go out with you guys,
we have such a good time
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138. you make me a member
of the Sat Pack.
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139. What was the first option?
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140. You make a member
of the Sat Pack.
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141. Get back to work.
Boys!
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142. Hey, Mr. Mom!
Hey!
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143. What, PTA meeting run late,
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144. or were you out back
pumping breast milk?
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145. Ha-ha!
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146. I deserve that, I know.
It's been a long time, guys,
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147. but I promise I'm gonna
make it up to you tonight.
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148. Tonight's gonna be like
the old days, huh?
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149. Where's Ronnie?
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150. I'm right here,
you son of a bitch.
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151. Ronnie, hey!
You know what?
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152. You blow us off for months,
and then
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153. you call us out of nowhere and
you expect us to come running.
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154. So I think I speak
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155. for all of us when I say—
hit it.
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156. Ha-ha!
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157. Oh!
Hug. I was gonna say hug.
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158. Two men can't drop their pants
and hug anymore?
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159. I missed you, you bastard.
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160. Salute me.
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161. Oh, God, yeah, this is...
this is good.
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162. Ooh.
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163. Cheers.
Cheers.
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164. This place is
great, right?
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165. They got the best
soup dumplings outside of China.
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166. What is it with
these communal tables?
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167. You know, I don't want to sit
next to some weird strangers
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168. eavesdropping
on our conversation.
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169. They just got a labradoodle.
Why do I know that?
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170. Well, so listen, I didn't just
bring you guys to Din Tai Chow
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171. because they've got
the best xiaolongbao.
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172. I also came...
with some big news.
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173. Am I gonna finally be
a big brother?
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174. No,
that's... not possible.
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175. I was transferred
from China to the U.S.
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176. about a month ago, right?
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177. And everything
has been wonderful.
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178. The lab in Beijing
doesn't agree.
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179. They're calling me back.
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180. Oh, my God.
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181. You're leaving again?
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182. It's crazy, I know,
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183. but it's totally
out of my control.
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184. And they're giving me
a 30% raise.
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185. And it's only gonna be
for a few years.
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186. So you brought us here
to tell us that you're leaving?
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187. No.
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188. I brought you here
to ask you if you're coming.
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189. Will you move to China
with me, Sara?
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190. This is a big decision, I know,
and I totally understand
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191. if you want to take your time.
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192. No.
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193. Uh... no, you don't want to...
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194. take your time,
or-or-or no, you...
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195. do want to move to China?
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196. I'm not moving to China, Bruce.
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197. So, I heard you got
a labradoodle.
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198. Hey, okay, Edie, we're gonna
watch The Little Mermaid,
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199. Mommy's favorite non-
Fast and Furious movie,
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200. and then we're gonna
make a mermaid cake.
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201. Yay!
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202. Yay!
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203. Okay.
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204. First, let's figure out
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205. which one of Daddy's
jillion remotes
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206. turns on the TV.
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207. Huh? Oh.
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208. I think this remote
turned on that remote.
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209. Mmm. Ah. On demand.
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210. Well, never seen
this screen before.
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211. Here we go. "Buy now."
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212. "Shinjumatsu Films."
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213. "The Littlest Fishgirl
and Michu Michu."
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214. Hold on, hold on.
Oh, don't look, don't look.
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215. Oh, no, which remote is it?
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216. Michu! Michu!
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217. Michu! Michu!
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218. Ugh, Gerald!
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219. Stevie, don't be shy.
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220. Oop. Whoa, whoa. Aah.
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221. Sat Pack!
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222. Sat Pack!
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223. Greatest group of morons
you'll ever want to meet.
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224. All right, everybody, this is
Marco, he's a plastic surgeon.
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225. Does all the big-time breast
reductions in Hollywood.
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226. And this of course is Stevie.
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227. Stevie, uh produces
the reality show
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228. about the racist family
who runs a business.
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229. And this is my best friend
since I'm 20 years old,
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230. Ronnie.
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231. Ah, Ronnie.
Ah... Jimmy.
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232. Ronnie bought and sold
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233. the biggest solar company
in California.
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234. Don't worry, ladies,
I don't really care
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235. about the environment.
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236. Last but not least.
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237. Ladies, they call me Ravi.
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238. I'm in charge
of all things kitchen.
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239. Here's a little rap
to remember my name.
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240. Yo, my name is Rav,
I fit like a glove...
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241. Is someone's elbow
on the button, guys?
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242. Alicia, I think, uh, you
and Ronnie might hit it off.
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243. You know, he's
recently single.
Oh, really?
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244. Yes, actually, my wife just
left me for another man.
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245. Older and richer or
younger and poorer?
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246. Older and much poorer.
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247. Ooh.
Well, tonight's not
about past mistakes.
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248. It's about making
new ones, right?
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249. Like getting that stain
out of your shirt right there.
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250. What?
Aah, you don't have one!
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251. Ronnie!
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252. They don't make men
like this anymore.
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253. Coolest of the cool.
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254. I'm coming in for the nipple.
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255. Wow, that's rough.
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256. He really thought she was
gonna move to China for him.
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257. Talk about being on
different pages.
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258. Yeah. L-Let's never
be like that, okay?
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259. You know, l-let's make sure
we're always on the same page?
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260. Starting now.
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261. Do we really need
to worry about that right now?
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262. I mean, we're not
even exclusive.
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263. We're not?
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264. Really? You're dating
other guys?
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265. I'm sorry, Not to put you
on the spot.
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266. No, no, no,
I'm just trying to count
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267. how many other guys
I'm dating.
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268. Now, this is gonna
seem high
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269. because I was just in Aruba.
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270. All right,
let's just back it up.
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271. Uh, here's what I know.
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272. I know we haven't been
dating very long,
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273. but I-I really like you.
And I-I think
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274. maybe we should be exclusive.
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275. Now you go.
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276. You're a really great guy.
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277. And-and we've had a lot of fun.
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278. Ooh, I like where this is going.
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279. But we're obviously
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280. in very different places.
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281. You want
to move fast,
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282. maybe because
you have a child.
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283. Not sure we're looking for
the same thing.
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284. I think we should break up.
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285. Wow.
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286. It was good to have
this conversation.
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287. That way we could end things
before either of us got hurt.
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288. Ooh, are these shrimp?
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289. Mmm.
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290. Make yourselves at home.
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291. Play Party Playlist.
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292. Jimmy, keep this thing going.
I'm gonna take a quick shower.
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293. What?
Yeah.
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294. Ronnie.
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295. Bring it in.
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296. Jimmy.
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297. I freaking love you.
I freaking love you, man.
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298. It's gonna get
crazy tonight.
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299. It's gonna get the craziest.
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300. You gonna pull away?
'Cause I'm not.
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301. I'm not pulling away.
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302. All right, we both pull
away on three. Ready?
Yeah.
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303. One, two, three.
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304. Aah!
I didn't pull away.
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305. I didn't do it.
I didn't pull it.
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306. Never.
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307. Dad, thank God you're here.
I need to talk to you.
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308. Play Tender Folk Mix.
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309. Hey. What are you doing here?
I thought I was supposed to
be dead to you tonight.
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310. Okay, I'm sorry,
I didn't know you had plans.
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311. I drove all the way to
Pasadena to tell you.
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312. But I thought
that was to borrow a spoon.
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313. Gerald...
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314. I have the Sat Pack here.
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315. Well, now you got the Sad Pack
here, too. Party of me.
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316. I get it. Clever. Eh...
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317. Let's move on.
What-what's up tonight?
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318. Frankie and I broke up.
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319. Oh, I'm sorry, son.
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320. Thanks. Hey, what's
the ice cream situation here?
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321. Ah, maybe
it'll make me feel better
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322. just to tell you
how I'm feeling:
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323. awful.
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324. No, that did nothing.
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325. God, I just want to curl up
with a root beer float,
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326. depending on
the ice cream situation.
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327. Mm.
You have people here.
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328. I'm sorry,
I-I should let you go.
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329. Okay.
It wouldn't suck
to not be alone tonight.
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330. All right, you can stay.
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331. But don't unload your
feelings on everyone.
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332. It's not good for you
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333. and it's not good
for the party.
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334. You need a good Sat Pack night.
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335. This'll be good for you—
to cut loose a little bit,
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336. have some fun,
break some hearts, right?
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337. Okay.
You running
with the pack tonight?
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338. Fresh meat.
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339. Go unclog the shower, pledge.
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340. Just kidding.
Happy to have you.
Copy !req
341. So then the goat
looks back at me
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342. and says,
"You're being baad."
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343. What's going on?
I'm just telling
one of my funny stories.
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344. Hilarious. Can I hear it?
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345. You want me to tell
the whole story again?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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346. There's only so many times
I can hump your couch.
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347. Shots?
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348. None for me, thanks.
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349. I feel like I've already
taken a shot. To the gut.
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350. That's my son Gerald, everybody.
That's Gerald.
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351. He, uh, he's having sort of
a rough night, but he promised
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352. he wouldn't
kill the vibe, right?
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353. Oh, no, what happened?
Uh, he'll be fine, don't worry.
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354. It's okay. I've been sort of
"forbidden" to talk about it.
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355. Oh...
Aw.
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356. You can tell us.
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357. Where do I begin?
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358. It's just never been a challenge
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359. for me to be vulnerable,
you know?
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360. When I was 17,
I was 290 pounds.
Copy !req
361. Spoiler alert:
it wasn't all muscle.
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362. Mmm.
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363. So...
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364. I guess we'll do the
long-distance thing, you know?
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365. We'll... meet up,
like, once a year
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366. and talk on the phone sometimes.
Yeah.
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367. You know, it's only a 15-hour
time difference, right?
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368. So, 8:00 p.m. for me is, like...
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369. 5:00 a.m. for me.
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370. I'm in a great mood then.
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371. So I only ate
the veggie dumplings,
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372. so how are we gonna do the bill?
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373. I just wish I could erase
this awful feeling, you know?
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374. Guess it'll just take time.
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375. I think the problem is that
I open myself up too easily.
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376. Gerald, that's not
a problem.
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377. Everyone else
is the problem.
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378. Yeah, you know what, uh,
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379. I'm exactly like Gerald.
I love to love.
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380. I got a heart the size
of a freakin' cheese wheel.
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381. Can you move?
You're sitting on my purse.
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382. Kind of like it?
No.
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383. Okay, excuse me.
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384. Hey, Jimmy,
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385. you know what the best part
of having your son here is?
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386. What?
No, I'm asking you because
I can't think of anything.
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387. Don't worry.
The key to unlock this night
Copy !req
388. is coming through this door
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389. in three, two, one.
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390. I can't believe you made me
wait out there for ten minutes
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391. just so you could be dramatic.
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392. I'm a showman.
All right, what do you got?
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393. I made some calls,
got us into a yacht party
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394. hosted by the Winklevoss twins.
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395. A yacht party—
I like that.
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396. I'm gonna make this up to you.
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397. It's all good.
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398. Boob cage can make it up
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399. to me on the boat.
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400. You're going with us?
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401. Who's watching my restaurant?
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402. Ian's got it covered.
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403. Uh, everybody?
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404. The Sat Pack's going
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405. to a yacht party!
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406. These dumb remotes!
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407. Screw it.
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408. I'm killing the movie.
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409. Let's just make the cake.
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410. Edie?
Copy !req
411. All right, let's
get our story straight.
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412. I was teaching you to read
Copy !req
413. when you tied me up
and did this to yourself.
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414. Okay, Mommy.
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415. See, Ronnie, it always
works out for us.
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416. Ten minutes we'll be on a yacht
with a couple of blond twins.
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417. Male twins but still.
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418. I call the ugly Winklevoss.
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419. Yeah. Plus,
once we're out at sea,
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420. none of your other
family members can get to us.
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421. All right, I
deserve that.
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422. Mm. I'm just kidding
with you, buddy.
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423. Why don't we make like old times
and stop and donate blood
Copy !req
424. on the way to the party?
See if we can drunk faster.
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425. Possibly even save a life.
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426. Huh...
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427. Yacht party! Yacht party!
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428. Yacht! Yacht! Yacht!
Yacht! Ya...
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429. Where the hell are we?
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430. Why are we stopping here?
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431. Oh, well, you never know where a
Sat Pack night's gonna take you:
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432. yacht party, Playboy Mansion,
Sara's house.
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433. I'll be back in five.
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434. All right, you got
five minutes of my time.
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435. Make 'em count.
I got a yacht to catch.
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436. What are you doing here?
I didn't tell you to come.
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437. Well, you texted me
because you wanted me to come.
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438. Let's not do this dance.
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439. All right, what's up?
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440. Well, since you're here...
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441. I'm about to get mine.
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442. Watch and learn.
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443. Hey.
Hi.
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444. So, I couldn't help
but notice
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445. that neither of us
have boyfriends here tonight.
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446. Oh, mine's in Sacramento
for a medical convention.
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447. Where's yours?
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448. Ouch.
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449. I'll take it from here.
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450. I'm gay.
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451. Thanks for talking to me
about this, Alicia.
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452. Of course.
Do you feel any better?
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453. I'm dead inside.
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454. I'm a husk of a man.
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455. What the hell is
taking Jimmy so long?
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456. Move to China?
That's-that's a big ask.
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457. Yeah. But the old me would have
done that at the drop of a hat.
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458. My plan was always to
live all over the world.
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459. Los Angeles was just
the first stop.
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460. And then Gerald came along,
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461. and so I told myself,
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462. "I will see the world when
he moves out of the house."
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463. Mm. Good luck with that.
Have you seen what I pay him?
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464. All of a sudden the idea
of moving is just ridiculous.
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465. Even if it's for Bruce.
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466. Well, you know what they say.
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467. Things happen for a reason,
right?
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468. Maybe the best guy for you
is right here in Los Angeles.
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469. You know, Ronnie's single now.
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470. All right, I'm starting
to feel this wine.
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471. Couple more glasses of this,
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472. I would consider making a trip
to Ronnie-ville.
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473. What the hell
is this?
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474. Oh, hey, Ronnie!
I was just talking
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475. about how I was gonna
have sex with you,
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476. but I'm not going to.
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477. Nice to see you, too, Sara.
Jimmy, you said five minutes.
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478. It's been 20.
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479. Well, Sara needed me.
This is important.
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480. All right. I'm leaving.
Why?
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481. Why? Tonight was supposed
to be about us.
Yeah.
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482. And while you're sitting here,
sipping on wine, I've been out,
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483. sitting on my thumb,
in some driveway
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484. in the freaking boondocks.
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485. It's Pasadena.
And it's charming.
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486. Well, great.
Have fun.
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487. I'll just go back out there
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488. and listen
to your daughter Gerald
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489. tell me all about her problems.
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490. All right, you know what,
it's time for you to calm down,
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491. because I'm starting
to see the vein.
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492. Good!
The vein comes out for a reason.
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493. Yeah. You're the reason.
Yeah, well,
when the vein comes out,
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494. the hand comes out, remember?
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495. I remember.
Remember the last time
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496. your hand came out? I did this.
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497. Ha, ha,
you like that, Grandpa?
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498. 'Cause I...
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499. Oh!
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500. Wow. That felt good.
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501. I did need
to cut loose.
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502. I'm gonna go make out
with Alicia real quick.
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503. Wh...
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504. You okay?
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505. Yeah. I'm fine.
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506. Just horny.
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507. You're always horny.
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508. You want my
forehead again?
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509. Yeah, but this time
it's different.
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510. I think I'm horny
for what you have.
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511. I'm horny for family.
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512. I know you, Ronnie.
Someday you're gonna find out
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513. you have a kid you
didn't know about, too.
Thanks, man.
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514. Hey, guys, yeah,
can we speed this up?
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515. You're kind of making us
late to the yacht party.
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516. Ian, what are you doing here?
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517. And who's running
the restaurant?
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518. Thank you for coming.
This was by far
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519. the best experience
we've had at Jimmy's.
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520. Whatever you're doing,
don't change a thing.
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521. Okay.
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522. Well? To the yacht, huh?
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523. Definitely. Hell yeah.
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524. What time is it, about 1:00?
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525. It's got to be later than that.
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526. It's 10:30.
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527. Oh, great, you're here!
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528. Edie won't take a bath
unless it's with you.
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529. Bimmy.
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530. All right. Come on.
Come on, you.
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531. All right, let's do this!
Yacht party!
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532. Yes, I'd like a cab
to Valley Village, please.
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533. Unbelievable.
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534. Everything okay, Jimmy?
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535. No, it's not okay.
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536. I asked for one night off.
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537. And do I get it? No.
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538. Because I-I got to be here
for you guys.
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539. "Dad, can you help me navigate
the seas of love?"
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540. And "Jimmy, my boyfriend's
moving to China.
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541. Can you comfort me?"
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542. Never asked him.
Couldn't get him to leave.
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543. And the worst part is
I don't have a choice.
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544. I have to be here for you now
because I care about you,
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545. and it's annoying.
I can't even enjoy violent
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546. rap songs because of her.
What's wrong with Jimmy?
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547. He's saying nice things
in a mad voice.
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548. Yeah, because I am mad.
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549. Here. You're taking advantage
of me, and-and I am mad
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550. because it's Saturday night
and I have to spend my night
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551. in a bathtub because
I'm the only one in this family
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552. who knows
how to make bath time fun.
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553. I'm in hell.
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554. Ooh.
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