Gossip Girl 5x7

1. Gossip Girl here— your one and only source

2. into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

3. Jonathan Karp called.

4. He got advance copy of next week's best seller list.

5. Did I go up at all?

6. You dropped off the list.

7. There must be some way I can convince you

8. to write a blog for the "Spectator."

9. I wanna take "Gossip Girl" down.

10. I wish I could explain better, but I can't.

11. Know that I never meant to hurt you.

12. Oh, my God. The "girl" you're seeing is our boss?

13. Now you know and so does the rest of the world.

14. Nate's mine.

15. You were taking money

16. to reveal confidential information about me.

17. If you don't believe me, you should ask your fiance.

18. He's the one who paid her.

19. What's scaring me is that you're changing into him.

20. I'm sorry I lost my temper

21. the night you told me Louis proposed to you.

22. I'm sorry I treated you like property...

23. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew it.

24. But most of all,

25. I'm sorry that I gave up on us when you never did.

26. Blair?

27. Louis, what took you so long?

28. What are you doing here?

29. Louis' not coming.

30. Are you thirsty?

31. Shall I serve you up there?

32. No. I'll come down...

33. Just so I can go find Louis.

34. Let me help.

35. How do I know I can trust you?

36. You can.

37. Good morning, Upper East Siders.

38. Or is it?

39. We hear a certain future royal

40. has had more than one rude awakening this week.

41. Uh-oh. Mr. Chuck in dream again?

42. When Chuck's in them, they're all nightmares.

43. What he do now?

44. Behave like a perfect gentleman,

45. which makes him even more chilling.

46. That fake apology of his has permeated my subconscious

47. and haunts me even when I sleep.

48. Apology not seem so fake to me.

49. That's because English is your second language.

50. As the wedding draws closer,

51. he's trying to make me question my decision to choose Louis.

52. But I have no questions.

53. And with Louis in Italy overseeing trade negotiations,

54. I'm not going to let anything interrupt my week of relaxation,

55. nesting, and serenity...

56. Especially not Chuck Bass' faux-lanthropy.

57. Or his attention-seeking love of animals.

58. Grab the bread.

59. Not even Chuck's media mind games

60. can disrupt the calm I feel while feeding the ducks.

61. Besides, you could use the exercise.

62. I'm pregnant, too, remember?

63. Please tell me you're not just getting home from yesterday.

64. Did you spend all night with Zarkana again or what?

65. Early morning charity event meeting.

66. Is that what you're calling it now—charity?

67. Wait. Seriously?

68. Being decent is more of a struggle than I thought.

69. If I keep busy doing good,

70. then there's less of a chance

71. I'll find myself in a situation which triggers old habits.

72. Yeah, well, I have faith in you.

73. I could use some time on the straight and narrow myself—

74. at least away from anyone who might tempt me.

75. I thought things with you and Diana were going well.

76. You two were all the talk of the papers last week.

77. Isn't going public what you wanted?

78. Yeah, except that it hasn't changed a thing.

79. I mean, we don't leave her house or the office,

80. and it's just sex and work all the time.

81. Same as before.

82. If Diana won't commit to you in private

83. like she does in public,

84. maybe it's time to explore your options.

85. Monkey!

86. How's the book tour going?

87. Uh, where are you now? Nashua?

88. Uh, I'm in—no, I'm in Burlington, Vermont.

89. You don't sound so sure.

90. Ah, you know how it is on the road.

91. All stops start to— start to blend together.

92. It's been great so far, though.

93. I knew it would be.

94. People who still go to bookstores are real readers.

95. They don't care if a book's on some best-whatever list.

96. Yeah. It—it seems that way.

97. Uh, turnout's been great.

98. Charlie, Serena, um, care to join us for a 2011 version

99. of a family breakfast?

100. We don't want to be late.

101. You know what? I should be going anyway.

102. I gotta meet Alessandra soon.

103. That was awkward.

104. Ugh, long story. Bring us back some real maple syrup.

105. Which I hope I can read about on your new blog.

106. I know you've been posting,

107. but I haven't been able to check it out yet.

108. That's the problem. No one has.

109. I know Diana wants me to write about myself,

110. but I don't know what to say.

111. I now realize why Gossip Girl is anonymous

112. and only takes shots at other people.

113. Maybe it's none of my business,

114. but it seems that if you want people to read you,

115. and you need people to read about you first.

116. Get Gossip Girl's attention—

117. even a date would do it— then steal her thunder

118. by telling the real story on your blog.

119. You know, you may be an evil genius.

120. When I want to be.

121. I know you're not happy,

122. but it's what I needed to do to keep him here.

123. Trust me.

124. If we're gonna take down "Gossip Girl," it's necessary.

125. Don't worry.

126. I won't lose Nate or Serena.

127. Just give me a bit more time.

128. I've been thinking about you all week.

129. Why have you been avoiding me?

130. Look, I have a boyfriend. Okay?

131. I don't believe you.

132. Well, you have a girlfriend.

133. Yeah, who schedules time with me as if it were a board meeting.

134. And who's my boss.

135. Well, maybe I want something more.

136. If you want more, ask for it.

137. Charlie!

138. My office.

139. And do us both a favor and ask her, not me.

140. Well, there must be some mistake.

141. We just spoke to him from Vermont.

142. Yeah, of course. We'll let you know if we hear anything.

143. What's going on? Is Dan okay?

144. I'm not sure.

145. That was his agent, Alessandra. She says he missed

146. his book signing in Boston yesterday,

147. and he didn't check in to Burlington either.

148. Can't find him anywhere.

149. Isn't this nice?

150. We're communing with nature, finding our inner peace,

151. and I'll still make my afternoon prenatal massage.

152. Slow news cycle?

153. Thank you, Arthur.

154. What are you doing here?

155. Our treaty of 2010 clearly states

156. the duck pond is my domain.

157. Don't try to fool me with your puppy dog eyes.

158. I apologize for the intrusion,

159. but your limp-winged friend here waddled into the dog park

160. and was about to become a labrador's lunch.

161. And out of the goodness of your heart,

162. you came to his rescue.

163. I like duck l'orange as much as the next person,

164. but it seemed cruel to let the poor creature suffer.

165. Mm, especially in front of a photographer.

166. What a lucky duck.

167. I've imposed on your domain long enough already.

168. If you'll excuse me, monkey needs his constitutional.

169. How much more do you need to see?

170. Of duck pond?

171. It not really my thing to begin with.

172. Of Chuck trying to manipulate me

173. into believing he's become a good person.

174. He knows perfectly well I chose Louis.

175. He endorsed my decision.

176. But now for reason,

177. he's trying to make me second-guess myself.

178. I can't allow it.

179. This does not sound like week of serenity to me.

180. He's forced my hand.

181. I must expose Chuck as a fraud who's only pretending to evolve

182. so he can win me back before Louis comes home.

183. In drama,

184. there are many ways to unmask a villain.

185. I need to start a war between Serena and Gossip Girl.

186. Stay on her and let me know what happens.

187. Of course.

188. Oh.

189. Regarding Nate,

190. I thought I told you to keep your distance.

191. You're not gonna want to hear this, but...

192. That... was all him.

193. Maybe you should loosen up a little,

194. not be on him all the time?

195. I think I'll pass on the unsolicited romantic advice,

196. thank you.

197. Just make sure Serena's all over "Gossip Girl".

198. Diana...

199. I would never do anything to jeopardize where I am right now.

200. I finally have a life here.

201. I'm not gonna screw that up,

202. especially for a guy.

203. Sometimes you know who the bad guy is from the start.

204. Oh! Oh, my gosh!

205. Are you okay?

206. Yeah. I'm sorry. I think that was my fault.

207. No, not true. I was— I was blinded by the maps.

208. Do you live in this building?

209. No, I work here. Can I help you find something?

210. I'm looking for my ex-girlfriend, Ivy Dickens.

211. Do you know her?

212. No, I'm sorry.

213. I think she...

214. But most times,

215. you find out they've been right in front of you

216. all along.

217. Right. That's all for now.

218. Let's reconvene after lunch. Thanks.

219. You look like you wanna say something.

220. Look, I guess I'm just a little confused.

221. About?

222. Us. I mean, Diana, what are we?

223. What do you want us to be?

224. I'm not sure anymore,

225. but I'm starting to think we won't be anything

226. if we keep mixing work and pleasure.

227. Maybe I should start looking for another job.

228. I get it.

229. Working together, going home together—

230. it's all too much.

231. Why don't we take a couple of days off?

232. I'm going to Paris tonight anyway.

233. Maybe you should have some fun while I'm gone,

234. without the pressure of me on top of you all the time?

235. So to speak.

236. Is that your way of saying that we're not—

237. we're not exclusive?

238. If that works for you, it works for me.

239. I just want you to be happy.

240. You're my right-hand man.

241. I can't afford to lose you.

242. These not look like happy nursery decorations.

243. I can't rest until I can prove Chuck is still his satanic self.

244. What do you think would be more effective—

245. having his shirts pressed with too much starch

246. or getting him served blended scotch

247. at the Empire Bar?

248. What this test testing exactly?

249. We'll be there, in clever disguises, of course,

250. to see him eviscerate the dry cleaner

251. or fire the bartender, thus proving

252. that he's only pretending to be magnanimous when he knows

253. that I'll be there or will see it in the press.

254. You sure you not just do this

255. because you and Prince Louis not in a good place right now?

256. I admit our relationship has seen stronger days.

257. And, yes, while it's true that I was upset with Louis

258. and his momentary lapse of morality,

259. he only did what he did out of love,

260. and I forgave him.

261. But I simply cannot have Chuck chucking with my head.

262. So I have to prove this to him and myself.

263. So what do you think, starch or scotch?

264. I'm sorry that security guard was no help.

265. That's okay. I didn't come to New York to find Ivy anyway.

266. Really? I had this whole soul mates reuniting story

267. worked up in my head.

268. Not quite.

269. Just have some of her stuff to give back to her.

270. Actually, uh, I'm in town for a job interview

271. I have in two hours.

272. You know, DB Bistro is looking for a new line cook.

273. Wow. Well, you must be a really talented chef

274. to even get an interview there. It's a huge deal.

275. If I can find my way there.

276. Well, why don't I show you?

277. You—you don't have to do that.

278. Well, I've actually been suffering

279. from writer's block lately,

280. so a walk might do just the trick.

281. You up for some company...

282. Max.

283. Cool. Serena, by the way. I just have to take this.

284. Yeah. One second. Hey.

285. Please tell me the reason you're still not at work

286. is because you met a cute guy in a business suit.

287. Well, no suit, but definitely cute.

288. Sounds perfect.

289. I'm about to walk him to his interview now.

290. No! Forget that. You need to take him to lunch—

291. someplace fabulous

292. where you can be seen by people that read "Gossip Girl."

293. Like, um, that place you took me—BG.

294. I don't know. I just don't want to make him late, though.

295. I expect to read all about you.

296. Bye.

297. Bye.

298. Who's the guy?

299. Some nobody she found on the street.

300. Gossip Girl will love it, trust me.

301. Now you're off to Bergdorf's to get that picture.

302. Make your e-mail to Gossip Girl as depressing as you can.

303. Maybe she'll post it verbatim.

304. Hey, Charlie.

305. I can't talk now.

306. It'll only take a second.

307. Unless you wanna get me fired,

308. you need to stop talking to me here.

309. I just wanted to make sure he didn't check out. Thank you.

310. Well, the hotel in Boston says he's still checked in.

311. Well, maybe he just fell asleep.

312. Remember when you used to tour?

313. We didn't know if we were in Norway or Denmark,

314. never mind what time the show started.

315. Sure, but we always managed to get make the stage.

316. And I know Dan.

317. It's not like him to skip out on an obligation.

318. And I know you.

319. What time would you like to leave for Boston?

320. Mm.

321. The Morris Minor is in the parking lot in Brooklyn.

322. It'd be faster to drive.

323. Why are you still following me, Nate?

324. You said you didn't wanna talk at the office.

325. Hey, come on. You're a Rhodes. If you had a boyfriend,

326. the whole Upper East Side would know about it.

327. And what about Diana, who you might not think you're dating

328. but who thinks she's dating you?

329. I'm not so sure that's true anymore.

330. That's where we're going?

331. So when girls like you say "lunch,"

332. they really mean clothes?

333. There's a restaurant inside.

334. Are you sure we have enough time for this

335. before the interview?

336. I am relying on you to be my official guide

337. to getting around Manhattan.

338. You know what? I, um...

339. I probably did miscalculate time.

340. You should go.

341. Go to 6th Avenue and make a left. It's on 44th.

342. I'm sorry.

343. Oh, and you should try to work apricots in somehow.

344. Boulud is obsessed with them.

345. Wait. Where are you going?

346. Will you just admit that you're not dating anyone

347. and that you like me?

348. Just a little bit,

349. and we can see what happens?

350. I mean, I'm a pretty good judge on things like this,

351. and, you know, when you kissed me last week,

352. there was a lot of chemistry between us, and I know—

353. I mean, that's what I was talking about.

354. Uh-oh, Charlie.

355. Looks like you've stayed in character all too well.

356. Too bad there's always an understudy

357. waiting in the wings for you to slip and fall.

358. "Nate Archibald's cougar and her cub in pride war"

359. Are you purposely trying to make a fool of me?

360. I told you it was an emergency.

361. To hide from Max, your mysteriously reappeared ex?

362. I do think it seems a tad convenient

363. that the only way to do that was to snog Nate.

364. Look, I don't know why Max is here,

365. but if he finds me, I could lose everything.

366. Fine. I'll take over that side of things

367. and get your ex out of our hair.

368. You focus on proving to Nate that you do not

369. nor will you ever have any romantic interest in him.

370. Understood?

371. Thank you.

372. Just let me know what you want me to do.

373. Oh, it's very simple.

374. You're gonna ask Nate out on a date.

375. They're voting on "Gossip Girl"

376. and in a surprisingly positive turn for the 21st century,

377. the cougar is winning,

378. but it appears you chose the cub.

379. I didn't choose anything.

380. Diana tells me she wants to take some time off,

381. then Charlie just kissed me and ran.

382. I mean, I thought we left stuff like that behind in high school.

383. Maybe we're maturing too fast.

384. Which is why you're back to playing

385. "Phantom of the Opera" sex games?

386. The mask is from a benefit performance

387. of "Sleep No More" I'm sponsoring tonight.

388. The whole audience wears them.

389. Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

390. It's kinda like, uh, "Macbeth" in an old hotel, right?

391. And the audience can follow the performers

392. from room to room?

393. And since the set is 100,000 square feet

394. and pretty much in the dark,

395. it provides the perfect opportunity to disappear for a night...

396. And avoid any run-ins with Blair,

397. which may set back my recent progress.

398. Care to join? I can get you a ticket.

399. Looks like I won't need one.

400. Why is it when you don't want Gossip Girl to post about you,

401. she does constantly,

402. and when you do, silence.

403. I share your frustration.

404. Ever her "Chuck Bass Spotted" page is broken.

405. Not one blip. He's off the map.

406. Wait. Why are you looking for Chuck?

407. I have no choice.

408. He's trying to destroy my relationship with Louis

409. because he knows it's vulnerable.

410. I'm pretty sure the only war Chuck is waging

411. is with his own demons.

412. He's hired a new therapist.

413. He's focusing on his businesses.

414. He's even throwing a benefit tonight for charity.

415. Oh, no. He got to you, too?

416. Chuck may be sponsoring a performance,

417. but it's only because in the dark with his mask on,

418. he is safe to reveal his true self.

419. B., whatever you're thinking, stop.

420. Just work on your relationship with Louis

421. and let Chuck work on himself.

422. Meanwhile, I'm gonna stay home and work on my blog.

423. Well, how hard can that be?

424. And if you write about how many strokes it takes

425. to brush your hair, people will read it.

426. I'll pitch that to Diana now.

427. You know, Charlie told me

428. that she didn't think anyone would read my blog

429. unless I was on Gossip Girl's radar again.

430. Well, I always thought you were too good to blog.

431. Just tell Diana it's not for you.

432. Well, I think you're too good to scheme.

433. So if I talk to Diana, you'll leave Chuck alone?

434. Absolutely. Go talk to Diana.

435. Good luck.

436. Hello. This is Blair Waldorf.

437. I was hoping you had a ticket left

438. for tonight's performance.

439. Diana.

440. Hey. I am so grateful for all your help last week.

441. Why do I feel you're about to break up with me?

442. I'm not willing to sell myself or anyone else out

443. to attract an audience.

444. Everyone sells themselves, Serena.

445. It's just how you do it that matters.

446. I don't think you understand.

447. I've been trying so hard to get off "Gossip Girl."

448. Today I almost hurt an innocent stranger

449. to—to make you happy.

450. It just— it didn't feel right.

451. And the worst part is he actually seemed like a good guy,

452. and now I'll probably never see him again.

453. Oh, my... gosh.

454. Max, we were just talking about you.

455. Looks like you spoke too soon.

456. We met this morning. He, uh, was looking for his ex

457. who apparently works in the building.

458. Diana.

459. I'm sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting.

460. Not at all. Please stay.

461. So I just wanted to let you know that I got a second interview

462. with Boulud himself thanks to your apricot tip.

463. Oh, that's—that's great.

464. That was really nice of you to— to track me down

465. just to tell me that.

466. Well, seeing as you helped your friend Max get a job,

467. you two should celebrate. Get a bite to eat.

468. Show him the city.

469. Isn't your friend throwing a benefit tonight?

470. You know, that— that actually... could be fun.

471. What do you think?

472. I'm in.

473. Great.

474. Why don't you rush home and get changed,

475. and I'll give Max all the details,

476. and you can meet him there?

477. I can't wait. Me, too.

478. Seems "the play's the thing" tonight.

479. But watch out, players.

480. You might be the ones getting played.

481. Welcome all, to the McKittrick Hotel.

482. The card you were handed upon your arrival

483. is your ticket.

484. If you find yourself holding an Ace,

485. please take the door to your left and enjoy.

486. No talking.

487. No photos.

488. No phones.

489. Feel free to explore,

490. follow, watch,

491. touch.

492. Curiosity shall be rewarded.

493. You must remain masked at all times.

494. Not nice to steal.

495. Hey, did you see that?

496. Thanks for the invite. I wasn't sure what to think

497. after you ran off this afternoon.

498. And, listen,

499. if you're worried about getting in trouble at work,

500. Diana's off to Paris, and we will be wearing masks.

501. You know, I'm just a little anxious about the performance.

502. It's dark in there and crowded.

503. Um... I'm gonna get a glass of water

504. before we go in.

505. Would you just wait for me here?

506. Yeah, sure.

507. That was good.

508. Well, it would be better if you would just tell me your plan.

509. I don't feel comfortable stringing Nate along.

510. Well, I had planned just to catch you two together here,

511. making Nate feel so guilty,

512. he came running back to apologize,

513. but... something better struck me.

514. Deuces? All deuces may now enter.

515. Hey, you ready?

516. I hope so.

517. Diana, thanks again for the tickets.

518. Is Serena here yet?

519. Oh, you just missed her.

520. They called her card, and she had to go in.

521. But she told me to tell you to find her.

522. She's wearing a beautiful gold dress.

523. You can't miss her.

524. Great. Have fun.

525. I intend to.

526. You really think pillows under covers trick me?

527. You lumpier now.

528. You can't expect me to sit on my pregnant laurels

529. while Chuck gets away with a secret double life.

530. But you tell miss Serena—

531. that I wouldn't undermine Chuck,

532. but that's completely different

533. than revealing his authentically evil self.

534. Maybe you need to face fact Mr. Chuck really is good.

535. Never. That's what he wants you to think

536. so he can destroy everything in secret.

537. Look!

538. There's famous Polish film director Agnieszka Holland.

539. Where?

540. Where?

541. I know you suggested being fashionably late,

542. but maybe I overdid it.

543. Not to worry. Max hasn't even arrived yet.

544. Oh, I hope he didn't get lost again.

545. Maybe I should go look for him.

546. Women like us don't do things like that.

547. Just wait here. I'm sure he's just running behind.

548. I'd better get in.

549. They called Queens some time ago.

550. Can you do me a favor?

551. Nate.

552. Hi.

553. Oh, my God. I'm not even sure how we lost each other,

554. but one minute I'm at this massive feast,

555. the next, I'm in this freaky psych ward.

556. There was this nurse—

557. Well, I'm glad you're safe.

558. Where do you want to head to next?

559. Uh, you know what?

560. Actually, I heard that the experience is even better

561. if you stay split up, so why don't you go find the witches?

562. They're awesome, and I think I see Lady Macbeth.

563. Diana, what are you doing here?

564. I thought you were in Paris.

565. Well, I decided it was, um, more important

566. to spend time with you.

567. That's really sweet and unexpected,

568. but I'm here with someone. I'm sorry.

569. Yeah, Charlie. I know. I saw you both come in.

570. I have to say, I was surprised.

571. You said we weren't exclusive.

572. Neither is she, apparently.

573. You know she's seeing someone, right?

574. Yeah, she mentioned something about that,

575. but I'm pretty sure she was just making it up.

576. Well, then maybe they broke up.

577. Because last I heard,

578. she felt he wasn't paying her enough attention,

579. and she was trying to remedy that.

580. Anyway...

581. I won't bother you anymore.

582. I just hope you're not part of that plan.

583. Final group is going inside now.

584. Don't you wanna join them?

585. Oh, no, thanks. I'm—I'm waiting for someone.

586. Who it seems isn't coming.

587. beguile the time. Look like the time.

588. Bear welcome in your eyes,

589. your hands, your tongue...

590. Blair?

591. Of course you knew it was me.

592. Was it my perfume?

593. I should get back to the performance.

594. You can't disrupt the drama.

595. Looks like we're stuck... together...

596. Alone... amongst the masked and anonymous.

597. Do you remember when we used to play dress-up?

598. How could I forget?

599. Though I didn't think

600. this was your kind of entertainment anymore.

601. At least I know I'm safe, locked in here

602. with the new Chuck Bass who has none of his old urges.

603. I have to admit,

604. I had a hard time believing you at first,

605. but now I see—

606. the therapy, the apology—

607. you really have changed.

608. As warm as it's getting in here,

609. I can sweep the hair from the nape of my neck

610. without setting you off.

611. It's such a relief...

612. to be able to... let my guard down.

613. Oh, look.

614. They even have red hots.

615. Mmm. You never could resist.

616. Do you want one?

617. No, but thank you.

618. No one is looking.

619. Even the new Chuck Bass must still have some

620. of his darkest desires.

621. Just a taste.

622. Are you ready, Charlie?

623. There's Nate.

624. Go kiss him.

625. Ivy?

626. Max.

627. It's been the performance of a lifetime

628. for cousin Charlie, but tonight,

629. it looks like it just might be the final curtain.

630. I knew you were still the same Chuck.

631. You thought by one fake apology and a few charitable acts,

632. that you could get me to question

633. all the reasons I'm with Louis,

634. but I was right.

635. You are incapable of change.

636. Seems you know me too well.

637. And now, thanks to you, I'm more certain than ever

638. that I chose the right man. Good-bye.

639. Good-bye, Blair.

640. I can't remember the last time I drove it,

641. but it died as soon as I pulled out of the garage.

642. Yeah, thanks.

643. Well, just let me know when it's ready,

644. and I'll head back.

645. Yeah, I need to get on the road tonight.

646. Bye-bye.

647. Dan?

648. One more? No, thank you.

649. Are you okay?

650. I just saw the "Gossip Girl" blast.

651. "Serena Van Der who?

652. Last girl standing, or simply stood up".

653. She is so heartless and humiliating.

654. Oh, this is nothing

655. compared to when she called me "irrelevant" at graduation

656. or when she lied to the world that I had an S.T.D.

657. This is exactly why we need to work together...

658. On your blog.

659. So Gossip Girl loses her readers,

660. and her attacks lose their power.

661. Or I just develop a thicker skin,

662. which is what I've done over the years.

663. It just upsets me when she goes after people

664. that aren't strong enough to defend themselves.

665. I should probably go.

666. See you tomorrow. Okay.

667. Bye-bye.

668. Well, it turns out you were right about Charlie.

669. I'm sorry. I didn't want to see you get hurt,

670. even though I can see how much I've hurt you myself.

671. How can you hurt me?

672. I'm your right-hand man, after all.

673. You're more than that.

674. Last week, I told everyone you were my boyfriend

675. not because you wanted me to, but because I wanted to.

676. I care about you.

677. Well, then why didn't you just tell me that earlier?

678. Because I didn't think that was what you wanted to hear.

679. Although judging from tonight,

680. maybe you'd rather be with someone else.

681. Think about it.

682. Let me know.

683. It was one thing to— to feel like my book

684. wasn't exactly appreciated in the Upper East Side.

685. I expected that. But—

686. but then the readings on the tour—

687. I mean, they—you know, they were less and less full.

688. In Hartford, I think, like ten people showed up,

689. and half of them were there to get out of the rain.

690. My book is a failure, dad.

691. I'm—I'm a failure.

692. You're not a failure.

693. When I started touring with Lincoln Hawk,

694. we didn't even have a—

695. a bus, a roadie,

696. an amp that didn't create massive feedback.

697. I know. I've heard this more than once.

698. Yeah, but what you don't know about this tour

699. is how many times we played for a handful of people.

700. In Marfa, Texas,

701. our entire audience was a bartender.

702. Yeah, but that bartender— he spoke to his friends,

703. and they told their friends, and soon we were selling out.

704. It just takes one person to connect with your art,

705. who feels like you directly communicated with them

706. to start a groundswell.

707. But you can't connect with that person unless you show up.

708. Thank you, dad.

709. I think, uh, I think I needed to hear that.

710. What are you doing in New York?

711. In town for a job interview.

712. What's really weird is what you're doing here.

713. What the hell just happened back there?

714. I recognized you.

715. Let's get outta here, catch up.

716. I'm here with someone.

717. In fact, I thought you were her when you kissed me.

718. I should really go find her. Her name's Serena.

719. Serena Van Der Woodsen?

720. Do you know her?

721. Everyone in New York knows her—of her.

722. Well, I'd like to get to know her better,

723. so I'm gonna go find her.

724. Please don't.

725. Fate brought us back together for a reason.

726. I miss you.

727. I made a mistake in L.A., and I'll tell you all about it

728. if you just come with me.

729. I'm not gonna drop everything because you tell me to, Ivy.

730. You walked out on me.

731. You knew it was Max behind that mask, didn't you?

732. I told you we were going to show Nate for the last time

733. that you were the wrong choice for him.

734. Why would you use Max when you said

735. that you would help me get rid of him?

736. I found a better plan,

737. and I like watching you squirm.

738. But... let me put you out of your misery.

739. You're fired.

740. What?

741. Clearly, your ex is going to out your secret.

742. Please don't do this.

743. It's already done, and now...

744. So are we.

745. Oh, wait.

746. One last piece of business.

747. A quick picture for "Gossip Girl"

748. and then Serena is in place.

749. Oh, come on—

750. Ohh. Perfection.

751. What name shall I use when I send it in—

752. Ivy or Charlie?

753. Doesn't matter. I'll surprise you.

754. All masks eventually have to come off,

755. and with them, so do the gloves.

756. Dorota, I hope you've learned your lesson.

757. I will always be right about Charles Bartholomew Bass,

758. and now that I've proven I made the right choice with Louis,

759. tomorrow we can get back to my restful week of prenatal pampering

760. before I welcome my fiance home with open arms.

761. So I don't get it.

762. You kissed Blair so she'd think you hadn't changed?

763. The only way for Blair to move on

764. is if she thinks I never will.

765. I had to kiss her to set her free.

766. That may be the most selfless thing you've ever done.

767. I've never been more good and less happy about it.

768. And what of your happiness, Archibald?

769. Was there a clear winner in the war for your heart?

770. My heart was always in the same place.

771. I realized it was my head that was being messed with,

772. so I've decided to make my own decisions

773. instead of letting everyone else pull my strings.

774. Starting now, I see.

775. You wanted to see me?

776. Yeah, I did.

777. Lock your windows, Upper East Siders.

778. Looks like Serena's cuckoo cousin Charlie

779. is off her meds again

780. and about to jump to her own conclusion.

781. What are you doing here?

782. What happened to your date?

783. My date stood me up.

784. What happened to you?

785. I saw "Gossip Girl."

786. I know I shouldn't let her get to me like this,

787. but...

788. I feel like she's after me

789. or... on to something.

790. Maybe I took on too much too fast when I came back.

791. I told Diana I quit.

792. I think maybe...

793. I... should just go home.

794. No, no, don't let Gossip Girl bully you.

795. Come on. You have to rise above it.

796. Everything is so fragile right now.

797. If I make one false move, my whole world collapses.

798. Don't leave. Come on.

799. Whatever you're feeling, let me help you.

800. We're family.

801. I'm so sorry for what I said today.

802. You don't need to be seen with some guy

803. to define who you are.

804. Don't worry. I know that.

805. I don't think I'll ever see that guy again anyway.

806. But I'm not alone. I have you, right?

807. Come here.

808. I have to go make a quick call,

809. then we'll hang out and chat more, okay?

810. Sure.

811. We all wear different masks for different reasons.

812. Nate, you matter to me... a lot.

813. I was just trying to be cool.

814. You know, that's my thing,

815. although I'm beginning to see I may need a new... thing.

816. From now on, equals.

817. Just us, together, seeing what happens.

818. Yeah.

819. You can take it.

820. Are you sure? Because right now you're my priority,

821. - not business. - It's fine.

822. I'll get the champagne.

823. Hello, Serena. Everything okay?

824. Not exactly. You know, it's one thing

825. when Gossip Girl tries to humiliate me,

826. but when she goes after someone like Charlie...

827. Ohh. I hadn't seen "Gossip Girl."

828. What's she done?

829. Just what she's done a thousand times before,

830. and I'm sick of it. I'm ready to help you bring her down.

831. Well, I'm sorry for the circumstances

832. that brought you to this decision.

833. I'm looking forward to working with you on this.

834. See you at 9:00.

835. I'll be there.

836. Some masks we put on

837. because it's truly who we want to be.

838. Some we wear because we can't bear to face

839. what's really underneath...

840. Or because it's what someone else needs us to be.

841. Everything's set.

842. Good. Very good.

843. You should never have doubted me.

844. You've done a fine job rehabilitating my grandson's image.

845. He's right where I need him to be.

846. And Serena's right where we need her, too.

847. Always a pleasure working with you, William.

848. And some masks we wear because we hope to stay hidden.

849. But that's the problem with wearing masks.

850. They can be ripped off at any moment.

851. X.O.X.O., Gossip Girl.