Gossip Girl 5x5

1. Gossip Girl here, your one and only source

2. into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

3. I'm looking for an Ivy Dickens.

4. - Thisis— - She? I figured as much.

5. Serena's aunt Carol Rhodes paid me

6. to impersonate her daughter, Charlie.

7. When these people realize you're not

8. one of them, they're gonna destroy you.

9. What do you want?

10. I wanna introduce you to your new colleague.

11. Hi.

12. If they're really your friends, they'll be

13. happy to see your star rise.

14. When everybody learns that Anonymous

15. is actually Daniel Humphrey.

16. And it is based on you, sort of, all of you.

17. Can you believe what he wrote about me?

18. I can tell you from experience everyone loves a villain.

19. I gave up my career to raise you and I never regretted it

20. until I read what you really think about me.

21. Personally, I thought you'd be more annoyed

22. at being conflated with Eric.

23. - Nate is— - Furious?

24. - Yeah, because I am. - And I'm more furious!

25. He wrote that we had sex!

26. I want this book and you're going to get it for me.

27. So whatever you did to Dan Humphrey, undo it.

28. Where has she been? Serena?

29. And who am I?

30. That's a secret I'll never tell.

31. You know you love me.

32. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

33. On the Upper East Side, it's not what you say

34. that determines who you are.

35. It's what you do.

36. I hope they take it well.

37. Nothing matters more than our child being born

38. into a big, happy family.

39. Are you ready?

40. Whether you're making a big announcement..

41. or trying to close a deal..

42. Hey, Jane.

43. Did you lock up the film option

44. for Dan's book yet?

45. No, I just finished reading it unfortunately.

46. Need I remind you this is your chance

47. to make up for blowing the Daniel Day-Lewis deal?

48. No reminder necessary.

49. I'm on it.

50. or firing the first shot.

51. The site goes live in 20.

52. Oh, Princess Sophie!

53. Beatrice, welcome.

54. It's so lovely to see you both again.

55. We couldn't be happier.

56. Cyrus, you are still a hugger, I hope?

57. Is a Northern spotted owl still a predator?

58. Okay. Okay.

59. Uh, Blair and Louis will be coming down

60. for their big announcement any moment.

61. This is so mysterious and exciting.

62. Well, whatever it is, I'm just so thrilled

63. that it's happening on Yom Kippur and I hope

64. the two of you will stay to break the fast with us

65. 'cause I recall you're quite fond of smoked salmon.

66. I am, and we would love to.

67. So?

68. Alors la nouvelle?

69. We're gonna have a baby.

70. A baby? You're still in college!

71. - Mother. - How wonderful!

72. Wonderful? It's.. It's a wonderful surprise.

73. Uh, what is the record for the youngest grandmother

74. on the Upper East Side?

75. 'Cyrus, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it'

76. to sundown without eating.

77. I am thrilled without reservation.

78. 'As long as the baby is born'

79. after you are married, of course.

80. The last thing this family needs is another bastard.

81. - Oh! - 'Aww!'

82. Oh, my.

83. 'This is just great.'

84. Thank you for keeping my secret.

85. What are sisters for?

86. Oh, Serena, can you stay for the celebration?

87. The bun in the oven is a big hit.

88. I would love to, but I have to get to work.

89. Looks like you have plenty of people to celebrate with

90. and you can tell me about it after.

91. Or I'll just read about it.

92. Oh! Don't you look great?

93. You excited about your first day of work?

94. I am. Wasn't exactly the job I was looking for

95. but when it fell into my lap, I couldn't say no.

96. I really don't wanna disappointment my boss.

97. Well, I'm sure you won't, I'll make dinner tonight

98. and we can hear all about your first day.

99. You don't wanna go to break fast at the Waldorfs?

100. Mm, not really in the mood.

101. Oh, isn't that ironic?

102. The state lifts my house arrest and you lock yourself up.

103. Well, wish me luck. See you tonight.

104. Hmm, is that Dan again?

105. You know, the only way you're gonna get out of this funk

106. is to sit down and listen to what he has to say.

107. I'm not ready yet.

108. I have to say, when you asked me where you could buy vintage

109. magazines, this isn't what I thought you were talking about.

110. JFK Jr. took a lot of crap by not passing the bar

111. but he redeemed himself by becoming an editor.

112. I'm just trying to figure out how he did it.

113. 'Hey, hey, hey! Victor said you were here.'

114. I brought something for you and Monkey.

115. Well, I'm gonna go before I'm late for work.

116. Nate, don't you think it's time to let it go

117. so we can just be friends again?

118. Only a whole person could answer

119. that question now, couldn't they?

120. I'm sorry, I made you half a character

121. in my novel, but you've forgiven people for much worse.

122. Alright, have a good day, Chuck.

123. Thanks, I can think of a few girls

124. who'd look good in this.

125. Humphrey, I'm feeling like my old self again.

126. Me too, although not in a good way.

127. I really thought the days of everyone

128. turning their backs on me were over.

129. Well, at least this time it's because they hate you

130. and not because they don't know you exist. Be patient.

131. 'Soon, your literary misdeeds will be forgotten.'

132. Along with all your other powers

133. you can add psychic to the list.

134. If Serena can forget, then maybe my dad will take my call.

135. I'll see you later.

136. 'Hey. Hey.'

137. Come on, get out of there.

138. Oi. Get off. Come on.

139. Can't we let them finish?

140. I'm quite sure it'll be his loss

141. but, uh, I have patients to see.

142. - So.. - You're a doctor?

143. - Uh, psychologist, yes. - This is kismet.

144. I've been feeling, shall we say, out of sorts recently.

145. Oh!

146. Umm..

147. Here.

148. "Dr. Eliza Barnes."

149. Chuck Bass.

150. Nice to meet you, Mr. Bass.

151. Come on.

152. 'Come on.'

153. Everyone knows the drill.

154. As soon as we go live, expect the phones to blow up.

155. It's time.

156. - It's exciting, isn't it? - It is.

157. Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery

158. but stealing is an outright crime.

159. And that's what a new rival has committed

160. when cell phones disappeared and reappeared

161. at the Jenny Packham Show.

162. Listen, if we launch now, everyone will know

163. she was talking about you.

164. - Not necessarily. - No, it's too big of a risk.

165. Abort..

166. for the moment.

167. And mother will alter the dress to hide the baby bump.

168. Of course, I will, dear.

169. And Louis and I will fly back to be close to Dr. Crane

170. for the third trimester. A honeymoon can wait.

171. Bravo. You've got it all figured out.

172. Mother, I think we have a problem.

173. A baby is never a problem, mafille.

174. I hope you won't try to stir up trouble

175. and ruin this most happy time.

176. I'm just trying to protect our family's history.

177. Blair's very controlling.

178. She's the one making the decisions for the wedding.

179. She'll do the same with the child.

180. Louis knows how important a grandchild is to me.

181. To Monaco. He will protect the royal tradition.

182. Yeah, but will she?

183. - I'm really glad you came. - I'm glad you called.

184. - Enjoy. - Thank you.

185. You know, I think I owe you an apology.

186. I may have overreacted

187. about how you portrayed me in your book.

188. Thank you so much.

189. I, I have to admit, it's been kind of hard.

190. Like, my dad and Nate and Blair still won't talk to me.

191. Well, things are looking up then.

192. - One down, three to go? - Mm.

193. Never thought you'd be the first.

194. I am full of surprises, you know that.

195. So how has it been?

196. Everything else aside from the personal reaction?

197. Yeah, it's been an incredible whirlwind.

198. Uh, I just wish I could be sharing it

199. with friends and family.

200. Mm.

201. And, uh, what's happening

202. with the film rights to the book?

203. I don't know. I hadn't actually thought about that.

204. That would be crazy. A movie.

205. Well, if you ever decide you wanna turn it into one

206. my boss Jane would kill to produce it.

207. She read the book and loved it.

208. And she' an amazing producer too.

209. Yeah. Wow. I mean, thank you. That would be, uh..

210. I mean, that would be great if that could happen.

211. - Yeah. - Uh, what do you know?

212. It's my agent calling.

213. I have a NY1 interview I can't be late for.

214. but I'm, I'm really glad we're okay. Can I call you later?

215. Yeah.

216. Hey, Alessandra.

217. Just confirming the NY1 interview.

218. Yeah, I'm on my way, listen, I just had breakfast

219. with my friend Serena who asked about the movie rights.

220. 'I'd love to give them to her. How do we go about doing that?'

221. Unh-unh, you are not locking down film rights

222. with somebody just because they're your friend.

223. Her boss is, uh, is a big producer though.

224. Uh, Rivington Street Films?

225. She did David O. Russell's next film.

226. And while that's great, a ton of quality people

227. want the rights to "Inside," Dan.

228. 'You had breakfast with someone's assistant.'

229. I have Harvey Weinstein on the other line.

230. Oh, Harvey Weinstein? That's—

231. Huge. I know. See you soon.

232. Hey, Jane, I swallowed my pride and outrage

233. and did what you asked.

234. We should have Dan's book later today.

235. And you had me believe crazy was just an act?

236. I think you might be suicidal.

237. What are you talking about?

238. You start work here under, shall we say, duress

239. and within five minutes, there's a catastrophic leak

240. to my competitor.

241. Diana, I swear it wasn't me.

242. Since you lie like most people breathe

243. 'your oath means very little.'

244. Now don't forget, the biggest story I have is you.

245. 'If you don't bring me something better'

246. I'm gonna tell the world that you're some failed

247. wannabe actress called Ivy.

248. I'll get you something.

249. You just have to give me some time.

250. Yom Kippur at the Waldorfs'

251. will truly be a high holyday

252. now that her Royal Highness Princess Sophie

253. has jetted in from Monaco for a bagel and a schmear.

254. If I were you, I'd have left by now.

255. What's wrong with her?

256. It seems I now need some launch-worthy stories

257. and she's the only Upper East Sider I have

258. prepared to cross the lines for her career.

259. Look, I care about my career.

260. I'll make a name for myself my own way.

261. If you wanna remake yourself

262. you have to do whatever it takes.

263. Give me something, anything

264. on Blair Waldorf perhaps?

265. But she's celebrating Yom Kippur

266. with her and Louis' families, okay?

267. I doubt it makes for riveting journalism.

268. Mm, people unable to eat for 24 hours

269. cooped up in an apartment?

270. Secrets are bound to come out.

271. Call and get me an introduction.

272. Are you even Jewish?

273. I am today.

274. This interview is key because it's your first

275. visual appearance in the media.

276. You wanna make a strong impression.

277. You're right. Am I, am I dressed okay?

278. I mean, I wanna seem respectful, but at the same time

279. act like this isn't a huge deal. Not that it is a huge deal.

280. I mean, if it was, God, I-I would be, uh

281. I would be super nervous and I'm totally not.

282. - Oh, they have grapes. - Dan?

283. - Are you with me? - Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm with you.

284. These days, a book needs as much press as it can get

285. no matter how many glowing reviews there are.

286. Public television is the last bastion of the intellectual.

287. If this goes well, Charlie Rose could be next.

288. Oh, that's a good tactic, piling on the pressure

289. right before your already-prone to-nervous-rambling client

290. goes on live television for the first time.

291. Okay.

292. This is the perfect platform to position your book

293. as next year's best picture.

294. Mention Harvey's interest. People in Hollywood are sheep.

295. If someone they respect wants the book, they all will.

296. I feel like I should call Serena, I don't want her

297. to think I was stringing her along at breakfast.

298. Serena knows how the business works

299. and it's not like you signed a contract.

300. And if she's really your friend, she'll be happy for you

301. no matter who gets the rights.

302. - We're ready. - And let's go sell some books.

303. Blair, have you thought about the hospital

304. you plan to deliver the baby in?

305. Lenox Hill, where I was born

306. as was my mother.

307. And for school?

308. Well, I've already sent a copy of the sonogram

309. along with an application to Constance St. Jude's.

310. Blair received an exemplary education.

311. While a New York education may be adequate for a non-royal

312. Grimaldis always attend boarding school in Switzerland.

313. Furthermore, the child must be born in our wing

314. at the Princess Grace Hospital Center in Monaco.

315. You can't seriously expect to dictate

316. every detail of my grandchild's life.

317. But this baby is not just your grandchild.

318. Blair's life and her family are here in New York.

319. And Louis' are in Monaco.

320. Uh, now, ladies. Maman.

321. Eleanor, enough.

322. Blair and I will discuss these issues privately.

323. Blair, what is it? Are you alright?

324. You'll all have to excuse me.

325. Mr. Bass, I was just on my way out.

326. Oh!

327. That's too bad.

328. You look like you need to talk.

329. I do.

330. You know, I'll make time.

331. Thank you.

332. Would you like me seated or... prone?

333. It's your choice.

334. So, Mr. Bass, why are you here?

335. Well, let's see, I recently emerged

336. from a period of prolonged numbness.

337. Starting to feel again physically and emotionally

338. has made me realize I need to try new things

339. to prevent a relapse.

340. - New things? - Mm.

341. Give me an example.

342. I've had sex on..

343. almost every conceivable surface

344. but never a therapist's couch.

345. So there is that.

346. I should've guessed you weren't serious.

347. I'm sure if you got to know me a little better

348. you'd see just how serious I am.

349. It's obvious that you're deeply troubled

350. and I would be more than happy to help

351. if you were truly interested in therapy.

352. Now if you'll excuse me, I have Yom Kippur services.

353. Oh! You're Jewish?

354. Not that that's any of your business, but I converted.

355. Well, that's probably a smart move in your line of work.

356. Goodbye.

357. Hey.

358. Hey.

359. - Everything okay? - I'm just worried about Rufus.

360. He and Dan are so close.

361. I just have to figure out a way to get them to connect again.

362. - You're home early. - 'We had a rough morning.'

363. My boss is after me to contribute in a big way.

364. Got any leads for me?

365. Well, with my arrest and Rufus' depression

366. we haven't been out enough to know anything.

367. But you're a very smart girl and I have faith in you.

368. Guess I won't be needing this hardware

369. if we're not going to the Waldorfs.

370. - What are those? - Oh, it's an unfortunate story.

371. My late husband, Bart, had his investigator

372. research our whole family. It was awful.

373. I meant to transfer them into the safety deposit box

374. but since Serena and Charles broke into it last year

375. I think it's safer here.

376. Good luck.

377. Uh, Sabrina.

378. Dan Humphrey's interview on NY1 started.

379. He's talking all about the movie.

380. 'And now I understand "Inside"'

381. has caught Hollywood's attention.

382. Well, there's interest from major producers

383. like, uh, like, uh, Scott Rudin

384. and Harvey Weinstein and, um, Brian Grazer

385. but we haven't made any decisions yet.

386. 'Is there a director out there who you..'

387. Hey, S, I'm sorry to bother you.

388. I needed a walk and I realized I should just come to you.

389. No, I'm glad you did, I told Jane that I had the option

390. on Dan's book and now it's like we're not even on his radar.

391. - Aah! - Can I just..

392. Uh, look, if I don't get the rights to this

393. I don't know what will happen.

394. I really wanna hear about your working girl woes

395. but I feel like I'm starring in "Rosemary's Baby."

396. Sophie wants to regulate everything

397. about my child's existence.

398. She's insisting that I move to Monaco

399. and leave my whole life here behind.

400. That sounds horrible, but can you convince Dan

401. to put his movie with our company?

402. Wh.. Are you kidding?

403. His book is ridiculous and so is he

404. and I really need your help right now.

405. Why are you gossiping when a deal you're running

406. point on is falling apart on live television?

407. I'm sorry. This is Blair, my best friend.

408. 'I thought maybe she could help.'

409. This isn't high school.

410. This is my business.

411. I told you not to embarrass me.

412. I have an idea for you.

413. Quit. Your boss is a bitch. Let's go get lunch.

414. My job is important to me, B.

415. You have six months to deal with your problem.

416. I have six minutes to deal with mine. Goodbye.

417. Yes.

418. If everyone else is moving on with their lives

419. then I'm ready to do the same all the way to Monaco.

420. You're my family now, Louis

421. and I wanna be yours.

422. Tell your mother that I'm going to be a Grimaldi

423. and I intend to live like one.

424. Well, look who's all grown up.

425. Doesn't feel that way. What are you doing here?

426. I need your help, I'm trying to bed an older woman

427. and she's being resistant.

428. It's driving me crazy, which is ironic

429. because she's a shrink. You speak old lady.

430. - What's my play? - Mm, doesn't work like that.

431. Same rules apply regardless of age.

432. You just have to show that you're interested

433. in what matters to the woman more than

434. you're interested in the woman's—

435. - Matters. - Exactly.

436. Look, I wish I could be more help to you, man, but I..

437. But what? I thought you had the MILF rules hardwired.

438. In the bedroom, yeah.

439. So what else are we talking about?

440. We're talking about Serena's cousin Charlie.

441. She'll do whatever it takes to succeed at this job and I just..

442. I won't do it. Diana's not happy with me.

443. If only you could be me for a day

444. and I could be you, we'd both get what we want.

445. Yeah.

446. But since we're not in a Jason Bateman movie

447. we have to think of another plan.

448. If Charlie's crossing lines, tag along for a while.

449. See what it takes.

450. Even JFK Jr. had to walk in a few sets of footprints

451. before he found his own path.

452. What are you gonna do?

453. Take an interest in what matters to Dr. Barnes.

454. Shalom.

455. Where is everybody?

456. Oh, my mother and Beatrice are in the kitchen

457. and your mother and Cyrus went to temple.

458. Did you tell them about my decision?

459. No.

460. I felt we should talk first.

461. Is moving to Monaco really what you want?

462. I hope you're not simply bowing to pressure.

463. Reserve the Grimaldi birthing suite.

464. We're officially a Monegasque family.

465. I knew you would both make the right decision.

466. Thank you.

467. I love green shrimp.

468. This is just the fifth night out of seven

469. that we've ordered Chinese.

470. 'Keep looking, I'm sure we'll find'

471. 'something we've never tried.'

472. - 'Okay, let's see.' - 'What about the Jade Har Gow?'

473. 'Yeah, the glazed prawns would be wonderful.'

474. 'Let's try the squid ink rice noodles.'

475. - You're just saying that. - 'Hey, guys.'

476. A bit of unsolicited advice?

477. If you were to go to the Waldorfs

478. you could avoid having another Chinese dinner.

479. 'And maybe if you were to see a family'

480. in good working condition, it would remind you

481. how important it is to fix yours.

482. An evening of friends and kugel is just what we need.

483. Ah, comfort food does sound good.

484. My God, you'd think the Jews had suffered enough.

485. I don't know how Cyrus can stand all this fasting.

486. I'm Eleanor Waldorf. Uh, who are you?

487. This is Diana Payne.

488. Uh, Nate Archibald called ahead for me?

489. Oh, yes, yeah, you're his boss.

490. The, uh, the journalist.

491. I have to warn you not to try and wrangle

492. an interview with my daughter

493. and the prince, it's not a good time.

494. Actually, now might be your only chance, Diana.

495. Blair didn't tell you? She decided to move to Monaco?

496. - What? - 'Yes.'

497. How you do feel about your daughter committing

498. to a life away from home?

499. Aah. Please.

500. Blair will do whatever she wants.

501. 'Waldorf women are not afraid to break the rules.'

502. Besides, who is she hurting if she does?

503. It's not like she's signing a legally binding contract.

504. Dan's agent and Harvey are close to a deal.

505. We're going to lose the project.

506. I can't believe this.

507. Really? I can.

508. Maybe your good friend F. Scott Fitz Jackass

509. had you nailed in the book.

510. 'If something doesn't fall right into your lap, Serena'

511. you don't have a clue how to work for it.

512. Sometimes all it takes to cross a line

513. is a little push.

514. Harvey read the book himself.

515. Apparently, he has all sorts of ideas

516. and wants to fast-track it for next year.

517. - What? That, that's— - Incredible.

518. I know, to say the least.

519. When Harvey gets involved

520. Oscars are on the horizon.

521. That's his office. One second.

522. This is Alessandra.

523. He's canceling? Why?

524. What happened?

525. Apparently, it's on Deadline that you gave the option

526. to Jane Bettinger?

527. What?

528. Why do I get the feeling you don't really want your brother

529. and Blair in Monaco?

530. My brother's always been the favorite, but he never cared

531. about his title or our family the way I do.

532. I had hoped his marriage to Blair

533. would mean permanent exile to New York.

534. Sibling rivalry, backstabbing

535. familial manipulation.

536. You really are a royal family, aren't you?

537. Perhaps I can help you get what you want.

538. In return, the inside story of a royal feud.

539. Since I'm feeling a little raw on the family front

540. if Eleanor refers to you as Lily Bass again

541. I can't promise I won't return fire.

542. I dragged you here, you have my full blessing

543. to go Sean Penn if need be.

544. Thank you.

545. Well, what's going on in here?

546. Cyrus, isn't it time for you to blow the shofar?

547. It appears that, uh, Sophie had legal documents drawn up

548. regarding the upbringing of our future grandchild.

549. Blair's supposed to sign these

550. before Sophie returns to Monaco tomorrow.

551. Is that absolutely necessary?

552. Oh, well, let's not quibble over a signature.

553. I'm a 21st century girl with two lawyers for dads.

554. I understand the need for paperwork.

555. Some of these requirements are pretty egregious.

556. Any time you take your child out of Monaco

557. for more than six hours

558. you have to inform palace security.

559. Now that's a little over the top.

560. Not for a royal heir.

561. Give me your pen.

562. Blair, it says here that you can't go to New York

563. for more than 48 hours at a time.

564. And furthermore, if you break any of these rules

565. you face the possibility of losing custody

566. of your child to the royal family.

567. What? Wait. No, that's—

568. Outrageous.

569. What's going on in here?

570. I'm not off my meds

571. but I've kind of lost my mind.

572. Safecracking? Seriously?

573. I'm desperate. If we don't get something to Diana

574. we're gonna lose our jobs.

575. There's a story in that safe.

576. I saw it myself.

577. Oh, God, I hope the Kennedys are rolling over

578. in their graves right now.

579. I may have a way to open it. It used to be Chuck's father's.

580. Just, just give me a second.

581. Thank you, rabbi. Thank you. I'll see you next time?

582. Arthur, let's go around the block.

583. - Dan Humphrey. - Hi.

584. I recognize you from TV.

585. Jane Bettinger. It's nice to meet you.

586. Yeah, I'm looking for Serena.

587. Who probably summoned you for me.

588. I'm a huge fan of your book.

589. It will make such a great movie.

590. "Gatsby" for the social media age.

591. So she's not around?

592. She stepped out. Maybe I can help.

593. Can you explain to me why she told Nikki Finke

594. that you had the option?

595. I'm sorry? What are you talking about?

596. Serena does work for you, doesn't she?

597. False leaks are for amateurs.

598. Serena said she knew you, she'd get me the book.

599. I would never have instructed her

600. to go behind your back to do so.

601. I've known Serena forever, I have a hard time

602. believing that she would sabotage me

603. unless you made her.

604. Serena.

605. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

606. Jane didn't make me do it.

607. It was my own idea.

608. Mother's finally gone mad.

609. She threatened Blair with the loss of her child

610. if she breaks a rule.

611. It doesn't surprise me at all, Louis.

612. You know what a tyrant she can be.

613. - Mother, how could you do this? - Excuse me.

614. It's a simple custody agreement.

615. A simple custody agreement does not allow you to take our child

616. from us if you don't like something Blair chooses to do.

617. What are you talking about?

618. You wrote this, didn't you?

619. Yes, but I didn't put in any such clause.

620. as you dictated the terms to her.

621. It was no mistake, Beatrice.

622. You must have put it there.

623. Yes, I did.

624. Blair has no respect for our traditions or the monarchy.

625. She'll do whatever she wants with that child.

626. I can't believe you'd betray us like this.

627. Obviously, Sophie, you'll remove that clause.

628. My daughter's actions may have been underhanded and deceitful

629. but your reaction makes me think

630. that she might be right.

631. If you really want to embrace my family

632. you will have no problem signing this contract.

633. The clause stays.

634. If you two cannot accept this

635. then I will not acknowledge the child as my heir.

636. Nor will I acknowledge you.

637. You don't have that right anymore.

638. As the future reigning prince

639. it's up to my child

640. to acknowledge... you.

641. We are done talking, Louis.

642. I wish you could find it in yourself

643. not to make this terrible mistake.

644. It is you who is mistaken.

645. Throwing away your loyal family

646. for a fiancee you shouldn't trust.

647. Do you realize that Blair told Beatrice

648. that she was pregnant long before she told you?

649. Do you really believe she has no other secrets?

650. It's true it's been a bit of a journey

651. but I trust Blair.

652. I know all of her secrets.

653. My darling.

654. How innocent you are.

655. I only wish for your sake that is true.

656. Goodbye.

657. I know that you have always felt overlooked

658. but no more.

659. All I've ever wanted was your love and respect.

660. 'This is the mother lode.'

661. The biggest secrets of the Upper East Side.

662. Even one of these would not only launch the website

663. but blow Diana's mind.

664. And my ethics. These are my friends.

665. 'Now that I've actually done this'

666. I don't know what I was thinking.

667. Alright, I don't even wanna look at them

668. much less hand them over, so let's just put them back

669. pretend this never happened.

670. If I show up to work empty-handed, I'll lose my job.

671. Alright, I know how important it is for you to succeed.

672. It is for me too, but we'll find something else.

673. What about all that stuff you said to me

674. about the Kennedys?

675. Isn't that why you texted me

676. because you know you won't get where you wanna be

677. unless you bend the rules a little?

678. Charlie, these might be my friends

679. but they're your family

680. and you're acting like you barely even know them.

681. Oh, my God.

682. I.. You're totally right.

683. You know, I'm gonna put them back and you should just go.

684. I'm.. I'm really, I'm sorry.

685. No, hey, don't be sorry.

686. Alright, I know what it's like to feel the pressure

687. to make a name for yourself.

688. But you belong here, you'll find your place

689. eventually, the right way.

690. I just donated $100,000 to Chabad

691. to find out which temple you attend.

692. The least you could do is give me

693. a minute of your time.

694. You could've had 50, but you wasted them.

695. You know, knowing your reputation

696. I expected nothing less than an entirely

697. inappropriate manipulation.

698. I don't think it's that simple.

699. You asked for my professional opinion

700. and now you're gonna get it.

701. You never had a childhood and so you behave

702. like a child in the worst ways.

703. You pay for intimacy, so you're always in control

704. and no one can get close to you.

705. Your superficial connections and lack of authentic emotion

706. leave you isolated and alone.

707. Not just tonight. Always.

708. I wish you all the best

709. but you're gonna need more than that

710. to live a happy and normal life.

711. I followed Jane all the way down to her town car

712. apologizing and even then, I don't think it was enough.

713. - 'Thank you for waiting.' - I didn't want to.

714. You scared away everyone and now no one wants the book.

715. Dan, I—

716. Your apology this morning

717. was just strategic, wasn't it?

718. Yeah, pretty much.

719. Look, I finally finished the book—

720. I told you, it, it's not you.

721. Yes, there are, there are parts of you.

722. And Daisy Buchanan and Amy March

723. and Gwyneth Paltrow.

724. Five different roles she's played.

725. But it's a novel.

726. It's inspired by a lot of things.

727. It isn't speaking to some deeper truth.

728. Are you sure?

729. Because..

730. I know this may sound..

731. crazy or, or selfish

732. or... like I'm living in the past

733. or something..

734. but you were the love of my life, Dan.

735. And I don't know, I, I guess I just thought

736. I was yours too.

737. That's the thing about writing what you know.

738. Soon everybody else knows ittoo.

739. The Spectator online lives.

740. Let's see Gossip Girl scoop this.

741. I told you it'd work out, she found something

742. and we didn't have to sell out our friends

743. or ourselves.

744. Yeah, you're right

745. and, uh, looks like my job is safe.

746. Yeah.

747. At least for the moment.

748. And thanks again for helping me..

749. do nothing.

750. Well, it was fun breaking into the safe, wasn't it?

751. Okay, everyone, now the real work begins.

752. Get to your desks and start writing.

753. I want a constant stream of content 24 hours a day.

754. Oh, Charlie, come back to my office in five minutes.

755. Blair, darling.

756. I have to confess that, um

757. I may have been the one to put the idea of a contract

758. into Beatrice's head.

759. I was just bragging about you

760. and it didn't matter where you lived.

761. No one could keep you from being your own person.

762. And that is part of why you will be..

763. a wonderful mother.

764. Thank you for saying that.

765. I know this isn't what you wanted for me.

766. - Hm. - At least not yet.

767. These things happen when theyhappen.

768. It's the first lesson of being a parent.

769. Children don't do..

770. what you want them to do all the time

771. when you want them to do it.

772. But you love them..

773. anyway.

774. Ah!

775. Well, I bet you never thought you'd hear

776. such good parenting advice from Eleanor Waldorf.

777. It's time for me to let my anger go

778. and return Dan's calls.

779. I mean, if he didn't piss me off

780. it'd just mean he wasn't growing up.

781. That is the Rufus Humphrey that I love.

782. I'm so relieved I don't have to live my entire life

783. on one square mile of jagged coastline.

784. I belong here with my family that..

785. respects my hopes and dreams.

786. I hope that includes me.

787. Can we talk, B?

788. When you told me you were pregnant

789. I said that I would be there for you no matter what

790. and I haven't been.

791. - And I'm sorry. - Well, you had a work crisis.

792. Yeah, but the truth is that I was jealous.

793. Well, if it makes you feel better, marrying a prince

794. isn't what fairy tales will lead you to believe.

795. Well, that's not what I was jealous about.

796. You're the star of Dan's book.

797. Ah!

798. Well, as I said, it's pure fiction.

799. Oh!

800. I wanted to return these to you.

801. And... you're not gonna use them ever?

802. Anything of value in these was already on Gossip Girl

803. and everything else was far too tame.

804. Just put them back before anyone notices they're gone.

805. Oh, Charlie?

806. You forgot one.

807. - 'Hey.' - Hey, uh..

808. I thought about what you said earlier.

809. And how can either of us know who the loves

810. of our lives are until we're, uh..

811. until we're old, you know?

812. I mean, this, this thing's not over yet, right?

813. And, uh, I told Alessandra

814. that I'm giving you the book rights.

815. No, you don't have to do that.

816. I wasn't trying to guilt you into it.

817. No, I know, I know, but without you inspiring me

818. from the beginning, I mean, I, I wouldn't have been able

819. to write anything, so I owe you one.

820. And despite the events of the day

821. you know, I trust you.

822. Uh, I do have one condition.

823. I wanna write the screenplay.

824. I'll talk to Jane right away.

825. Alright.

826. Oh, you know what? That's my dad.

827. Uh, he's on the other line.

828. I'll see you soon though.

829. Yes, in very long development meetings.

830. Okay.

831. Hey, dad.

832. As challenging as a toning can be

833. the rewards make it worth the sacrifice.

834. 'Everything you said to me was true.'

835. I don't need another notch on my belt.

836. I need help.

837. I knew it last week. Hell, I knew it last year.

838. I know it now.

839. I'm ready to be serious if you'll... have me.

840. Hello?

841. But the most difficult part

842. can be admitting that there was a sin

843. to begin with.

844. Most people find it too hard

845. to face their crimes and think it's easier

846. just to pretend nothing ever happened.

847. What are you doing up here all alone?

848. Waiting for you.

849. Oh, I was looking for a pen.

850. I'm sorry you had to choose between me and your mother.

851. It's the last thing I wanted.

852. You're my only family now.

853. I'm gonna go run a bath.

854. The problem with hiding your sins

855. is they always come back.

856. And on the day when some have atonedfor past transgressions

857. a once pure princecan't help but commit a new one.

858. I have a problem I was hoping you could help me with.

859. I'd like to meet, so I could tell you more in person.

860. I'm more than willing to pay for your time.

861. XOXO, Gossip Girl.