Gossip Girl 5x3

1. The one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

2. My meeting was about

3. transferring her back to her New York office,

4. and I want you to come with me.

5. You weren't even the last one to kiss her before Louis. I was.

6. The last person she was with before she left was me.

7. There's not a woman in this room who didn't take some pleasure

8. in your downfall, myself included.

9. How about working for me instead?

10. The newspaper's just the cornerstone

11. of what I hope is gonna be a new media empire.

12. I wrote a novel. No one was supposed to see it,

13. but then Vanessa found it and sent it to a publisher,

14. so I need to find out which one.

15. But isn't being published a writer's goal?

16. Not for this book. It's a— it's a scathing social satire

17. about everyone I know.

18. Have you not told Louis because it might be Chuck's?

19. I can't be this close to having all my dreams come true

20. only to have them yanked away.

21. Look, I know it's scary,

22. but I think you should know who the father is.

23. And what if I lose everything?

24. They say the only way

25. to conquer your fear is to face what you fear the most.

26. You must walk into the belly of the beast...

27. And risk the possibility of failure.

28. But try to hide from the fear,

29. and you risk it swallowing you whole.

30. Go away. I'm preparing for my interview

31. with "Hello!" magazine.

32. But doctor office call again. They have test results.

33. Hang up, or I'll tell the reporter

34. you're undocumented.

35. Hey.

36. We have problem.

37. Doctor's office call four times to say paternity test

38. ready for pickup.

39. Miss Blair say she busy,

40. but reading Grace Kelly biography all day

41. is not busy. Is denial.

42. When does Louis get back from his trip?

43. Tonight.

44. And Miss Blair had promised us that she find out

45. who baby daddy is before Prince Louis get home.

46. All right, I have a couple things to do this morning,

47. but when I'm done, I will march her

48. to the doctor's office myself if I have to.

49. Miss Serena, welcome home!

50. Dorota, I'm so happy to see you.

51. We missed you so much.

52. I go tell Miss Blair you are home.

53. Okay.

54. Whoa. That is not the look

55. of a girl in an empire state of mind.

56. Last week at grandma's was great,

57. but I don't know. I think it was a mistake to come back.

58. Stop worrying about your mom.

59. Cece won't tell a soul you're here,

60. and she promised to call my mom

61. to make sure she doesn't say anything either.

62. But even if that's true,

63. what about Blair or Dan or everyone else?

64. I don't think they'll be thrilled to find out

65. the psychotic freak is back in town.

66. Please, this place is a mecca for psychotic freaks.

67. Everyone goes off the rails at some point around here.

68. It's practically a rite of passage

69. on the Upper East Side.

70. It's our version of a bar mitzvah.

71. Well, maybe for someone who's from here, but me...

72. You a Rhodes? You'll be fine.

73. Come on.

74. I suffer through mediocre sex with an editor's assistant

75. to find out who's publishing your book,

76. and this is how you thank me?

77. Chuck, you felt nothing after "Field of Dreams,"

78. so I'm taking it to the next level.

79. If that movie can't make you feel,

80. then maybe this little guy can.

81. The only thing this mongrel makes me feel is disgust.

82. Take it back to the pound, or I will.

83. Sorry. I have a meeting.

84. I gotta kill this book once and for all.

85. I have to see my old mentor Noah shapiro.

86. It'll take some persuading, but I think it'll help.

87. I have some knee pads in the bedroom if you need them.

88. I think simple conversation will do the trick, but thank you.

89. Whoa. Who's this little guy?

90. He's Chuck's new, uh—

91. drunken mistake. Never sleep with a girl from P.E.T.A.

92. What, did we have plans or something?

93. Is that why you're here?

94. No, no, I'm just here to wish you good luck on your first day.

95. Good luck.

96. Thank you.

97. Remember to walk the dog.

98. What, are you gonna keep him?

99. Of course not.

100. Well, you should. You might need a new buddy.

101. I won't be around much between school

102. and my new job at "The Spectator."

103. You do know this is not the kind of job

104. you should get from a chick at a Hollywood party.

105. Diana's completely rebuilding the paper,

106. and even though I'm only an intern,

107. she says there's a lot of opportunity to move up.

108. Nathaniel, you and I both know the only reason

109. this woman's hired you is so you can please her in the bedroom,

110. not the boardroom.

111. Now... if you'll excuse me,

112. I have to call Victor, get this thing... out of here.

113. Mmm! Yum.

114. You're back!

115. Yeah!

116. Oh, I thought I'd lost you to the land of pole dancing classes

117. and gluten-free foods.

118. I am back, and look who I brought with me.

119. Okay. And why?

120. She's hit a rough patch with her mother.

121. You know how that is.

122. I thought maybe she could stay in the guest room

123. until we figure things out.

124. I'll allow it. Welcome back.

125. Well, thank you for letting me stay at your place.

126. I love your apartment.

127. Oh, you should have seen the place

128. I found Charlie living. "Squalor" is too nice a word.

129. But now you have heated bathroom floors

130. and the future Princess of Monaco

131. as your landlord. Speaking of which,

132. B., where's your prince?

133. Cologne for a charity event. He'll be back tonight.

134. Which is why Miss Blair must be going.

135. Many things to do before he returns.

136. Like possibly find a new maid.

137. An employee with one child is annoying.

138. Two is grounds for termination.

139. Oh, my gosh. Dorota, I forgot. Congratulations.

140. Thank you. I must say,

141. best part of pregnancy is knowing who father is.

142. Well...

143. Sorry to eclair and run, ladies,

144. but I have an interview today,

145. and I need to go over my talking points.

146. Wait. No, no. Does this mean you're not going

147. to the Jenny Packham show tonight?

148. We were finally invited to model together.

149. Well, as much as it pains me,

150. I guess you'll have to storm the catwalk without me.

151. Bisous, mes cheres.

152. Now time to do thing you swore

153. to Mr. Humphrey you do before prince home.

154. If you mean shopping, absolutely.

155. See? I told you. That went great.

156. Now that you've survived Blair, let's go talk to my mom.

157. I can go prime her first so it's not too big of a surprise.

158. You can unpack and have the car bring you there after.

159. She will welcome you with open arms. You'll see.

160. So Dan Humphrey wrote an actual novel.

161. Yeah.

162. And I was confident you'd remain an epic disappointment.

163. Well, I never intended to publish "Inside."

164. Somehow it fell

165. into Simon & Schuster's laps anonymously,

166. and since they're your publisher,

167. I was hoping you could get the book killed.

168. It's a satire of my entire life

169. and everyone I know, and if it's released,

170. I'll be a pariah.

171. My, you turned out to be an even bigger coward

172. than I thought.

173. The best way to make sure your book fades into oblivion—

174. leave it alone.

175. What, let it come out?

176. Have you seen what's on the best seller list?

177. Unless you're friends with Rizzoli and Isles

178. or related to a bounty hunter,

179. no one will give a crap about your world.

180. You'll be lucky if your book

181. makes it into the remainder bin at strand.

182. Trust me. Let it come out, and vanish.

183. Ready to go?

184. Dan Humphrey, Alessandra Steele, my agent.

185. Nice to meet you.

186. You, too.

187. Um, well, if you really think it's best for me to do nothing,

188. then that's what I'll do. Thank you.

189. And please don't tell anyone.

190. Wait outside a second.

191. I need to call my old friend Jonathan Karp.

192. I should go. I'm gonna be late for my panic meeting.

193. You okay?

194. Yeah.

195. With Eric gone, it's pretty lonely.

196. I feel like all I do is play "Angry Birds"

197. and grill Larissa for gossip.

198. Well, there's only one more month,

199. and Serena's back today.

200. Ohh. Mwah. True. It'll be so good to see her.

201. Carol, I am so glad you called.

202. I'm sorry I've been out of touch.

203. Have you heard anything from Charlie?

204. No. Why? Is everything okay?

205. She's taken off, and I think she might be

206. on the west coast, and mom's not returning my calls.

207. Have you spoken to her?

208. A few times,

209. but Serena's back from Los Angeles,

210. so I'll see if she's heard from Charlie.

211. Serena was in L.A.?

212. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

213. Listen... why don't I fly up?

214. It would be really good for me to be around

215. family right now anyway.

216. Sure. Come. Um, I could definitely use the company.

217. And in the meantime, I'll let you know if I hear anything.

218. Okay. Bye-bye, sweetie.

219. Did you pick up the test results?

220. I'm just opening the door to the doctor's office.

221. I'd better hang up, though.

222. It's so rude to talk on the phone...

223. Hi.

224. Oh.

225. Turns out that the rumored U.E.S. novel

226. is fact, not fiction,

227. and I have the inside scoop on who the author is.

228. Patience, pets. Your answer's coming.

229. Right now the median age of this paper's readership

230. is over 50, and its online presence all but nonexistent.

231. They don't even have an app, for God's sake.

232. So... first course of business is rebranding.

233. That's why I'm having the paper

234. sponsor the Jenny Packham party tonight.

235. Show we're a little more glamorous now that I'm here.

236. So where can I start?

237. How about by making me scream?

238. What? Right here with a full office?

239. I mean, the staff might think you're playing favorites.

240. Besides, I don't like an audience.

241. Excuse me. Can I have everyone's attention?

242. You're all fired.

243. Don't bother cleaning out your desks.

244. Good luck.

245. All right. Come on. Hey, take a deep breath.

246. Let's open that bad boy.

247. What? Here?

248. The results of this test could alter the course of my life.

249. You want me to face that

250. in front of pigeons and—and street vendors?

251. You said yourself that the odds are in Louis' favor.

252. And he will be an amazing father.

253. But... what if it's Chuck's?

254. I know.

255. You're right. I'll open it,

256. immediately after my interview with "Hello!" magazine.

257. I can't face the press if I've just heard unsettling news.

258. I need to look like Grace Kelly, not Grace Coddington.

259. I have to manage some business of my own,

260. but go do your interview.

261. I'll meet you back at your apartment,

262. and we can open it then.

263. That is much more civilized...

264. Unlike your hair, Humphrey.

265. You look like a muppet.

266. Oh, the whole summer was amazing,

267. but getting the job with Jane made it feel

268. like it all happened for a reason, you know?

269. I start setting up her New York office tomorrow.

270. Oh, that is so wonderful, sweetheart.

271. I am so proud of you.

272. By the way, have you heard anything from your cousin?

273. I got a call from Carol this morning, very concerned.

274. I guess Charlie might have run away to Los Angeles.

275. Grandma didn't call you?

276. So that's what she was calling about.

277. Look, Carol was cutting her off,

278. and by the way, Charlie's 19.

279. So it's not like she's running away.

280. She's just leaving home.

281. I know, but your grandmother should not be lying to Carol.

282. After all, Charlie has had sade serious mental health issues.

283. Mom, I saw her myself. She's fine, I promise.

284. Well, that's not for you to decide.

285. Carol is her mother,

286. and I'm not gonna participate in deceiving her.

287. Sorry, Charlie, but it looks like your Upper East Side dream

288. just turned into a nightmare.

289. When I interviewed Prince Louis for this article,

290. he said that family's very important to you.

291. That's one of the many things he loves about you.

292. He said that?

293. So... what about the two of you?

294. When will you be starting a family?

295. Oh, well, that's a very personal question.

296. We can skip it.

297. Anyway, your fiance answered for you.

298. According to him,

299. it's a long way off.

300. "Blair hasn't expressed an interest in being a mother yet,

301. "and I'm nowhere near ready to be a father

302. at this point in my life."

303. Is it the translation? I'm quite sure it's accurate.

304. No. I'm sure it is.

305. You have your answer.

306. Well, thank you for your time.

307. I'm sure the two of you will be very happy.

308. Alessandra, hi. I'm, uh—

309. Dan Humphrey. I'm good with names.

310. If you're looking for Noah, he's not here.

311. I just came by to grab some of his things.

312. Do you know when he'll be back?

313. He won't.

314. Well, I really need to talk to him.

315. I confided in him a personal matter,

316. and he—he might have— he might have said something

317. he wasn't supposed to say.

318. Yeah, I promise you, he doesn't have time

319. for petty gossip right now.

320. His hands are full with the release of his new book.

321. Now if you don't mind, I have a lot to deal with.

322. He didn't mention anything about a book

323. this morning when I saw him.

324. Nobody knew about it, not even me.

325. Noah submitted it secretly

326. because he wanted his editor's honest reaction.

327. I would kill him if the book wasn't so brilliant,

328. and I'm only on page 60.

329. It's called "Inside."

330. Oh, hold on a sec.

331. Yeah. The reservation's for tonight.

332. Club a steakhouse.

333. Ask Noah if he wants anyone else there.

334. Look, I will make sure that you get a signed copy

335. when it's released.

336. It's about people your age.

337. You'll love it.

338. Poor Lonely Boy.

339. You just learned the true meaning

340. of publish or perish.

341. Hey, Max, it's me, Ivy.

342. I think I made a big mistake.

343. I should have come with you to Portland.

344. So I, uh, got a bus ticket,

345. and I'll see you as soon as I can.

346. I hope you can forgive me.

347. Hey. What are you doing?

348. I'm leaving.

349. I heard what your mom said.

350. Wait. So you showed up at her place after all?

351. But, Charlie, I can turn my mom around.

352. I'll go back there right now.

353. It's not your mom. It's mine.

354. She doesn't want me in New York.

355. Being here is like a dream come true,

356. but... maybe she's right. I don't belong here.

357. Just because you weren't born here

358. doesn't mean you don't belong here.

359. I'm sorry, Serena.

360. Thanks again for everything.

361. Hey, um, if you really are leaving,

362. could you do me a favor and, uh, return my tickets

363. to the Jenny Packham show? It's...

364. Already bad enough that I canceled being a model

365. so last minute.

366. I think that if I let my tickets go to waste,

367. they'll never invite me back.

368. Of course. It's the least I can do.

369. Thank you. Call me from L.A.

370. Disaster averted.

371. Andre Leon talley got everyone in a panic

372. about leaking images of Jenny Packham's show

373. on his Twitter tonight.

374. They were gonna cancel the party.

375. I suggested that no one be allowed

376. to bring their cameras into the party

377. or even their cell phones, and now the show's back on.

378. Care to celebrate?

379. I'd love to celebrate.

380. In fact, I love celebrating with you

381. as many times a day as possible.

382. But I'm just starting to wonder if that's all you hired me for.

383. And you know what?

384. I think my mom could still get me the job with the senator.

385. Oh, you're not serious.

386. And why wouldn't I be?

387. I came to work for you so I could establish myself

388. outside of my family's influence.

389. Now if this just some big joke to you,

390. I might as well take an internship

391. that looks good on my resume.

392. This is no joke,

393. and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way.

394. Sit down.

395. Do you know Walter McCreedy and his wife Nola?

396. Congressman McCreedy? Of course.

397. I play squash with him at the club sometimes.

398. She's a famous socialite. He's a hot young congressman.

399. They're gonna be at the show tonight.

400. I want an interview with them.

401. And since you fired all your actual reporters,

402. you're willing to let me do this?

403. This is how you learn.

404. Dorota, pick up my dresses at the tailor.

405. I'm going to the Jenny Packham party.

406. But you have date with Prince Louis tonight.

407. And Mr. Humphrey on his way over to help with letter opening.

408. Mention that name again, and you'll be exiled

409. to work the rest of your days

410. in someplace horrible, like the Upper West Side.

411. You know what happens to housekeepers there.

412. The Zabars zombies.

413. Oh, excuse me. I'm here to return

414. Serena Van Der Woodsen's tickets.

415. Good. You're here. Come with me.

416. Oh, wait. You don't understand. Let me explain.

417. So this is the dress that you'll be wearing tonight.

418. We'll need to make some tiny adjustments,

419. but that's what tape and pins are for, right?

420. I'm sorry, but I think there's a misunderstanding.

421. I'm not Serena. I'm just here to drop those off for her.

422. Right. You're her cousin, Charlie Rhodes.

423. Have some champagne while you wait.

424. How about it, Charlie?

425. One last Cinderella moment

426. before you turn back into a bumpkin.

427. Hello, my love.

428. Put that depressing Russian literature down

429. and get dressed. I'm taking you out.

430. I wish. I would do anything to go to a party right now,

431. but don't let me stop you. If you wanna go out, go out.

432. You're not the one under house arrest.

433. Neither are you. You know all of those meetings I've been having

434. with panic about the new album?

435. Well, half of them weren't with panic.

436. They were with your lawyer.

437. I wanted to see if he could convince the judge

438. to grant you an early release.

439. I just got the call.

440. You are officially a free woman.

441. Oh, my God. Rufus, is this for real?

442. 100%. Your ankle monitor was deactivated an hour ago.

443. So I thought we could go to that fashion show to celebrate.

444. An actual event where I don't have to tend the bar myself,

445. with people I'm not related to,

446. and—and clothes I didn't order online?

447. Mm-hmm.

448. Rufus, oh, you must really...

449. Love me, don't you?

450. Very much. Now hurry up and get changed.

451. Mmm.

452. An officer's gonna be here any minute to remove your monitor.

453. Oh.

454. Okay? Oh, my God. Oh, wait. Wait.

455. What about Carol? Her flight's gonna be here soon.

456. Text her. Have her meet us at the party.

457. They say freedom comes at a price.

458. Better watch out, Charlie.

459. I think you're going to be the one footing this bill.

460. Noah Shapiro's trying to steal my book.

461. So he's doing you a favor.

462. Now you have nothing to worry about.

463. It just seems wrong.

464. There's nothing more boring than a sense of morality, Humphrey.

465. But since you seem to be so afflicted with it,

466. you have two options.

467. Either you go tell Simon & Schuster and the world

468. that Noah Shapiro is a credit-stealing liar,

469. or you stay quiet forever and simply let it go.

470. Whatever you decide, do it already.

471. I might not be able to feel anything,

472. but at least I'm not paralyzed.

473. Careful, Dan.

474. He who runs from the fear falls into the pit.

475. Looks like you're about to take a tumble.

476. Your phone.

477. Oh. And not soon enough.

478. Blair Waldorf.

479. Uh, this belongs to one of the models.

480. Check it under the name Charlie Rho—

481. Excuse me. I'm Blair Waldorf.

482. Where should I report for hair and makeup?

483. Oh. I was told you weren't participating.

484. Mm, now you're being told differently. Keep up.

485. Right this way.

486. There's the congressman and his wife.

487. Just remember this is a lifestyle piece,

488. so find out what restaurants they've been going to lately,

489. you know, where they summered, that sort of thing.

490. Oh, and I heard that they just came back from Mykonos.

491. I'd love to hear more about that.

492. All right, perfect.

493. Jenny Packham wanted this to be a deconstructed fashion show,

494. so instead of a runway,

495. you'll be walking through the party with escorts—

496. either a professional model

497. or a special guest like yourself.

498. Thank you, Joanna.

499. If you have any eligible Rockefellers or Whitneys,

500. Charlie will take one of those.

501. I myself am fine with a model or a witty gay.

502. All right. I'll see what I can do.

503. What are you even doing here, by the way?

504. I'm not so sure myself.

505. I feel a little like Alice in Wonderland.

506. Well, Manhattan will do that to a girl.

507. You'll be happy to know it never wears off.

508. Well, it doesn't matter.

509. I'm leaving right after the fashion show,

510. heading back to L.A.

511. My mom doesn't want me to live in New York.

512. It's not worth fighting her about.

513. And how old are you again?

514. It's just she has a few things she can hold over my head.

515. Don't you have a few things you can hold over hers?

516. Yeah. Actually, I do.

517. I'll bet. She is a Rhodes, isn't she?

518. I'm starting to realize

519. that mothers have some of the darkest secrets of all.

520. Blair, you'll be escorted by Simon Doonan.

521. Why don't you come with me to meet him?

522. And Chris Benz will be here any minute to escort you.

523. Forget what your mother wants, Charlie.

524. It's your life.

525. What do you want?

526. Ah, restaurants. Boulud Sud. Walter loves brushstroke.

527. Yes, nice.

528. I never realized you were a journalist, Nate.

529. Well, neither did I

530. until the opportunity presented itself,

531. and I went for it.

532. Good for you.

533. Thank you.

534. So I heard you two just got back from Mykonos.

535. You wanna tell me about that?

536. Um, you're mistaken. I had to go to Athens

537. on a congressional trip.

538. You bastard.

539. I knew it. Were you with her?

540. We're at a party, Nola. Calm down.

541. I don't care where we are.

542. That's it. I'm done. My lawyer will call you tomorrow,

543. and you'd better not put up a fight,

544. or I will release those photos to everyone in your district.

545. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring up anything personal.

546. I had no idea what was going on.

547. And here I thought you were the nice one in your family.

548. Congressman.

549. Rufus and Lily Humphrey.

550. No phones? I like this party already.

551. Come on. Let's take a lap, see who's here.

552. What's Lily doing here?

553. Oh, I don't know.

554. What happened? What's she doing here?

555. What's wrong?

556. I was so excited to have my freedom back,

557. I didn't think about what it would actually be like

558. when it happened.

559. It's gonna be great.

560. The last time I was at a party like this, I was co-hosting it.

561. Now I'm here as a former convict.

562. You remember what happened at the pink party.

563. I mean, I'm sure that the judge was more forgiving

564. than these people will be.

565. Maybe. Lily, you have served your time

566. with dignity and grace.

567. You've earned the right to move on

568. to the next chapter of your life.

569. So if anybody here has a problem with that,

570. they don't get to be a part of the adventure, okay?

571. Ready?

572. Okay.

573. Lily, so good to see you.

574. Jamie, wow. How are you?

575. You look so good. Thanks.

576. I'm gonna get a drink. Okay.

577. I'll catch up with you guys after the show.

578. See?

579. That's her.

580. Charlie! What are you doing here?

581. Please don't tell my mom that I'm here.

582. You can tell her yourself.

583. Blair, we need to talk.

584. Do you mind if I take over from here?

585. Not at all.

586. Well, I mind. Humphreys are not escort material.

587. Let's see if we can change that stereotype.

588. Dorota pieced this together.

589. Apparently, she's broken quite a few things in your home

590. you don't know about.

591. Don't worry. She swore she didn't read it.

592. What are you doing?

593. Put that away. Don't you have your own life to ruin?

594. Actually, uh, yeah. Yeah, I do,

595. but for some reason, I'm here trying to help you.

596. You can't hide from this forever.

597. Why not? Apparently, fatherhood holds no appeal for Louis,

598. and Chuck will always be Chuck.

599. If anything, I'm not hiding. I'm facing the truth.

600. It doesn't matter what test results say.

601. I'm in this completely alone.

602. It doesn't matter about the implications

603. for Chuck or Louis.

604. Don't you wanna know who the father of your child is?

605. The only thing I want is to finish this fashion show

606. sans outer borough escort.

607. You're right. It's your problem, so why don't you take this?

608. This is yours as well.

609. Did you not hear me? I said I don't want it.

610. Well, it's not mine, so take it.

611. No.

612. You got it.

613. Oh, B.

614. Your refusal to find out who's the father

615. has made you cause one mother of a scene.

616. You knew if I asked Walter McCreedy about Mykonos

617. it would cause a scene, but I just destroyed a marriage.

618. What's going on here?

619. The truth is, I'm not interested

620. in interviews with New York's elite.

621. I want their secrets and scandals.

622. Oh, aren't you a little late to that party?

623. Gossip Girl has that covered.

624. For now.

625. So you arranged to have everyone's phones checked

626. to get at least one story that you didn't already have?

627. It'll never work. When you try to use what you filmed,

628. you'll be blacklisted.

629. Gossip Girl doesn't create scandal.

630. She just whispers about what's already out there.

631. And I would have told you that if you'd bothered to tell me

632. what you were doing instead of using me.

633. I mean, you had everyone's phones taken.

634. Why didn't you just, you know, look at some of them?

635. Nate, that's brilliant! And if we act fast,

636. we can return them before anyone knows they're gone!

637. Whoa, no.

638. This is a one-stop shop of illicit e-mails,

639. incriminating photos, and sex.

640. Are you sure you didn't work for news corp?

641. Diana, just...

642. This is your idea, and it's a good one.

643. Don't doubt yourself.

644. It's not—I just think that, you know,

645. maybe you should dip your toe into illegal activities

646. before you, you know, just dive right into it.

647. If you want any real success, Nate,

648. you need to take a risk once in a while.

649. You can stay and help me rebuild "The Spectator,"

650. or you can go home and call your mum.

651. I'm sure there's still a position

652. in a senator's office somewhere.

653. All right, meet me back at the office in 20 minutes,

654. not a minute later.

655. I can't believe you thought you would get away with this.

656. You don't understand.

657. Did you honestly think I wouldn't come looking for you

658. when you wrote that check?

659. Well, get changed. I'm gonna tell Lily we're leaving.

660. It's time for you to go back to your real life

661. like you should have months ago.

662. Actually...

663. I think I wanna stay.

664. It's not up to you, Ivy.

665. Yeah, it kind of is.

666. What are you gonna do about it?

667. Call the police?

668. I'd be happy to tell 'em the whole story

669. about how you hired a struggling actress

670. to pretend to be your daughter

671. so that she could gain access to your real daughter's trust fund

672. just so you could take the money for yourself?

673. I think the authorities would have a problem with that,

674. and your family would, too.

675. You wouldn't.

676. I came from nothing.

677. Everything here sparkles.

678. And that family that you can't stand

679. has been kinder to me than my own family ever was.

680. I'm not walking away from that.

681. And if you try to take me down, Carol,

682. you're coming with me.

683. Blair, I'm sorry.

684. I was totally out of line.

685. Truth is I think I've been using you to avoid

686. facing some problems of my own.

687. I promised to hold your hand, but maybe I've been forcing it.

688. No. I turned to you, Dan,

689. because I knew you were the only one

690. who'd protect me from my own worst instincts.

691. For what it's worth,

692. when Georgina showed up on my doorstep

693. and told me she was pregnant, I mean, the last thing

694. I wanted to be was a father, but then milo was born,

695. and I fell in love with him.

696. Chuck or Louis—it'll be the same for either of them.

697. And if I open that envelope...

698. Will you be able to hide from your problems then?

699. I think if you have the courage to face your future,

700. then I should have the courage to face mine.

701. There once was a Princess B.,

702. undone by the question "Who's the daddy?"

703. But it's time to find out—

704. Will it be Chuck,

705. or will it be Louis?

706. I need to talk to you.

707. I thought we said everything we needed to say

708. last time we saw each other.

709. Chuck...

710. Is this another misguided attempt by Dan

711. to get me to feel something?

712. I'm pregnant.

713. It's Louis'.

714. I...

715. I didn't want you to find out from someone else

716. and wonder if the baby was yours.

717. That's very considerate.

718. Yes, well...

719. If I know anything about Chuck Bass,

720. it's that fatherhood isn't part of the lifestyle.

721. You must have been very relieved

722. when you realized you weren't carrying my offspring.

723. That certainly would have derailed your fairy tale.

724. This fairy tale is... complicated.

725. Blair, meet my dog, Monkey.

726. But... I saw "Gossip Girl." I thought you got rid of him.

727. I just sent him to get fixed.

728. I thought it was the responsible thing to do.

729. I should go.

730. Yes.

731. Louis is waiting for me.

732. Of course.

733. There is a part of me that really wanted it to be yours.

734. It's impossible, you know. He's got to say to himself,

735. "I'm a writer! I'm a writer!"

736. He can hook up with a rookie. All those people

737. were just drinking themselves into the grave, you know?

738. Noah.

739. Hey, uh, I need to talk to you.

740. Everyone, this is Dan Humphrey.

741. He was my inspiration

742. for the character of Dylan hunter.

743. Isn't that right, Daniel?

744. No.

745. You didn't write this book. I did.

746. Bravo!

747. He did it!

748. I told you I'd get him to step forward.

749. I'm sorry. Did you— did you do this on purpose?

750. Destiny is a scary thing to face.

751. We all need a little push.

752. You deserve to see what comes of it yourself,

753. and you will. This is elise and mark from s&s.

754. This is Jonathan Karp, your editor.

755. You already know Alessandra. Sit. Join us.

756. We've got a lot to talk about.

757. To my beautiful wife, her freedom,

758. and the end of the ankle bracelet.

759. Oh, and to the return of my Alaia dresses.

760. How about we toast to second chances,

761. for Lily and me?

762. And, mom, thank you for understanding

763. that this is where I'm meant to be.

764. Cheers.

765. Cheers.

766. You know, Charlie, Serena's room is empty,

767. and you are welcome to stay here.

768. We'd love to have you.

769. No, no, no. That— that would be an imposition.

770. No, really. Eric has only been gone a few days,

771. and Rufus and I are already

772. going through empty nest syndrome.

773. Yeah, making breakfast for two feels so wrong.

774. I would love to.

775. Being around family would mean a lot to me.

776. Great.

777. Okay, well, um...

778. I'm gonna go crash in the guest room.

779. I have an early flight.

780. What are you talking about? It's only 9:00.

781. You should go out.

782. We could all go out.

783. Maybe—maybe another time.

784. I'm sure I'll be back again soon anyway.

785. Hey. So...

786. I'm gonna make sure that Cece

787. reinstates your access to my trust.

788. You are on your own now. Good luck.

789. The true author of a tell-all tome has been revealed,

790. and the author's name is one everyone will recognize,

791. but the question is,

792. will anyone want to say it again

793. once the book is out?

794. You're pregnant.

795. You're pregnant.

796. Oh, you're happy.

797. But... your "Hello!" magazine interview—

798. I heard your answers.

799. I-I just said those things to protect you.

800. I knew if I even hinted at wanting children,

801. you would be under constant baby watch.

802. The press would never leave you alone.

803. You did that for me?

804. You really are a prince.

805. A very happy prince.

806. The truth is, I can't wait to be a father.

807. And now I'm going to be one.

808. Let's go celebrate. Where would you like to go?

809. Oh, someplace with souffles. My morning sickness is gone.

810. I know a place.

811. They closed an hour ago, but they'll reopen for us.

812. 91 ready.

813. Face your fears, and the rewards can be profound.

814. You could discover the true depth of a relationship.

815. Or what you're capable of withstanding.

816. I'm so happy you're here.

817. You know, I don't think I realized

818. until I saw you in L.A. how much I needed family around

819. or how much you needed me to help you shop.

820. What are you looking for over there?

821. My phone.

822. I think I left it at the fashion show

823. when the assistant checked it in.

824. I totally forgot.

825. Well, I'm sure they still have it.

826. We'll call in the morning and find out.

827. The problem is, the more you gain...

828. People trust their phones way too much.

829. The more you stand to lose.

830. There's just this, uh, one phone that didn't have a tag on it,

831. so I didn't put it back.

832. You know whose it is? Maybe someone at coat check?

833. Do you know someone called Ivy?

834. Get ready to find out what you're made of,

835. because to survive on the Upper East Side,

836. you better be fearless.

837. X.O.X.O. Gossip Girl.