Gossip Girl 5x15

1. "Gossip Girl" here..

2. Your one and only source

3. into the scandalous lives

4. of Manhattan's elite.

5. This is my granddaughter, Charlie Rhodes.

6. No one can touch me anymore. I'm a Rhodes now.

7. Charlotte Rhodes? My husband and I were looking

8. for my niece with the same name, remember?

9. Did you ever find her?

10. She was with her mother.

11. If they ever found out the truth

12. about the real Charlotte Rhodes

13. they would never forgive me.

14. I'm leaving tonight.

15. This time, I'm not coming back.

16. You must be pretty desperate to flirt with me

17. by doing manual labor.

18. This isn't flirting, I've always wanted

19. to load a catering van.

20. I love you, Dan Humphrey.

21. Always have. Always will.

22. You saw the chance to be her only savior

23. her knight in shining armor.

24. Are you really mad about Blair, or is this about us

25. because I haven't given you an answer yet?

26. You just did.

27. Of course I love you, Chuck. I've always loved you.

28. I know who sent the video of Blair

29. and Chuck to "Gossip Girl" in the first place.

30. It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

31. There is nothing between us but a contract.

32. Our marriage is all for show.

33. You and your family will quite literally pay the consequence

34. or did you forget about the dowry?

35. Your family cannot control mine.

36. Yes, they can.

37. I don't believe in saving myself

38. and ruining our family at the same time.

39. And who am I?

40. That's a secret I'll never tell.

41. You know you love me.

42. XOXO,"Gossip Girl".

43. Another picture-perfect Valentine's Day

44. on the Upper East Side

45. and how am I going to celebrate?

46. By exposing a giant secret today

47. that's sure to break more than a few hearts.

48. You can just drop those right there. Thank you.

49. Miss Blair!

50. You're back!

51. Oh! I-I was worried you'd be locked away

52. in big, stone tower somewhere

53. and only way to speak is through smoke signals

54. or coded messages on Twitter.

55. Thankfully, Dorota, we don't need to learn Navajo just yet.

56. The truth is, after our horrid faux honeymoon

57. I think Louis was glad to get back to Monaco

58. and be rid of me for a little while.

59. So this mean you no longer trapped in his evil grasp.

60. Not exactly.

61. Dorota, this is Estee..

62. A.K.A. my new social secretary.

63. 'A.K.A. my royal minder'

64. but I've just been calling her "Creeper" for short.

65. Estee will be accompanying me now

66. on all official public outings.

67. Did I mention she also reads my mail

68. and performs nightly bed checks?

69. Blair's first public appearance will be this evening

70. just as soon as she picks one of these charity galas

71. to make her official debut as princess.

72. How great is that?

73. Oh, wow, that's beautiful.

74. Good morning. Wh-what's all this?

75. It's called Valentine's Day, Dan.

76. I'm picking out some Cartier jewelry to give to Lily tonight.

77. So where is she? Aren't you afraid she's gonna see it?

78. Mm, she's in D.C. at a fund-raiser luncheon.

79. Won't be back till this afternoon.

80. And tonight... Chuck has hooked us up

81. with a huge suite at the Empire.

82. - Pretty romantic, right? - Yeah, that sounds nice.

83. Can I interest you in anything?

84. Something for your, uh, special lady?

85. Me? No, no, no. I have no special lady this year.

86. Honestly, I was just coming by to pick up

87. those Blu-Rays I let Lily borrow.

88. Thought maybe I could give them to Blair.

89. You know, she's back from her honeymoon alone so..

90. So you figure that if you, uh, drop them off

91. maybe she'll ask you to watch one with her.

92. Well, cinema's always been intended as a communal art.

93. It's better to watch with another person.

94. She's a married woman now, Dan. It might be time to move on.

95. 'I appreciate the advice, dad, but I'm just trying to be'

96. a good friend, really.

97. - It d-doesn't mean anything. - Okay.

98. I can't stand seeing all these happy people smiling.

99. - Holding hands, kissing. - Don't remind me.

100. 'Guess it's only natural when you and I feel'

101. 'this anti-Valentine's Day.'

102. It hasn't exactly been a banner year

103. for either of us in the romance department.

104. At least the person you love told you they felt the same.

105. Mine didn't even respond.

106. Well, the good news is, this outsized outpouring

107. display of public affection

108. will be over tomorrow.

109. Then New Yorkers can go back

110. to being their usual cold,

111. callous selves.

112. 'Hang in there.'

113. Yeah, you, too.

114. Oh, I love them!

115. - Oh! - Sorry. Have a good day.

116. I doubt that.

117. Oh, hey, I guess the honeymoon's over.

118. Just the person I wanted to see.

119. I can't talk now. I'm busy.

120. Wait, wait, wait, stop.

121. I will not allow us to go on living like this together.

122. The way I see it, I am mad at you for sending out

123. that video of me and Chuck to Gossip Girl

124. and you are mad at me for running off with Dan.

125. So...

126. They cancel each other out.

127. Actually, yours was way worse.

128. I-I only needed a ride but the point is—

129. Blair, I didn't release the video to Gossip Girl.

130. You took the fall for us?

131. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

132. Well, since you're clearly looking out

133. for my best interests, I forgive you.

134. Now can you forgive me for using your wedding date

135. as a getaway driver?

136. Well, I was never really mad at you.

137. Okay, well, tell me

138. what incredible romantic plans you have for today.

139. Oh, you know, just interviewing

140. a 70-year-old avowed celibate woman

141. for my "All the reasons I hate Valentine's Day" column

142. and trying to figure out ways not to become her.

143. That sounds like an absolutely awful Valentine's Day.

144. They've all been pretty awful for the past few years.

145. The last good one I had was in high school with—

146. Hey.

147. Oh! You were about to say "with him."

148. I have to go.

149. I heard you were back and I suspected

150. you might not have any big plans tonight

151. so I thought I would, uh

152. drop off some movies.

153. I can come back and watch them with you.

154. I mean, under the radar, of course.

155. That is sweet, but I actually already have plans

156. to go back on the radar, which you should, too.

157. You should go out with someone.

158. - Have fun. - If only it were that easy.

159. I don't think I've had a real date on Valentine's Day

160. since, uh, since high school with... well, Serena.

161. I've gotta go meet Alessandra at Fig & Olive

162. to discuss my next opus, so have a nice night.

163. You, too, Dan.

164. Dorota!

165. I am suddenly feeling inspired

166. which is why I want to upgrade my royal status

167. from princess to queen of hearts.

168. And what that mean exactly?

169. It means that I will do everything in my power

170. to get Dan and Serena back together.

171. - Hello? - Lola, hey, it's Nate.

172. - 'Who?' - Archibald. From the wedding.

173. Oh, that Nate.

174. The one I don't remember giving my number to.

175. Yeah, well, I might have put a little pressure on your boss.

176. Blackmailing bosses may have been the reason

177. I didn't give you my number in the first place.

178. Hey, I only offered him some free advertising

179. in "The Spectator", alright?

180. Technically, that's more of a bribe.

181. Alright, either way.. What are you doing tonight?

182. And whatever excuse you're about to give

183. I'm gonna poke holes in it, okay?

184. Do you have any idea how cheesy it is to ask a girl out

185. for a first date on Valentine's Day?

186. Well, I prefer bold and charming to cheesy, but that's just—

187. Also, did you forget that I'm a cater waiter?

188. Because Valentine's is one of our busiest nights of the year

189. so thanks for asking.

190. Lola?

191. 'Okay, Tina, my other informants have come up with nothing'

192. but a new princess under 24-hour surveillance

193. a lonely boy with no plans

194. and a dog lover who hates the entire holiday.

195. Please tell me you have something better.

196. I'm afraid not.

197. Nate can't even get a cater waiter

198. to go out with him.

199. What the hell am I paying you people for?

200. What am I gonna do?

201. Under my stewardship, Gossip Girl is but a shell

202. of her former self, like AOL or Courtney Love.

203. The only way to remedy this is with a scandal

204. to end all scandals.

205. You have a scandal.

206. Dan Humphrey is the one who sent you that video

207. of Chuck and Blair at Blair's wedding.

208. 'And with that to hold over his head'

209. you could get Dan to do almost anything.

210. Philip, it's cute when you pay attention.

211. But if I'm going to load up Dan like a hirsute hand grenade

212. I need everyone to be there when he detonates.

213. Ugh! It was so much easier to stir stuff up

214. when we were all in high school

215. and at the same place all the time.

216. No.

217. It's too bad you can't all jump

218. into a time machine and go back

219. to high school then, huh?

220. Ohh..

221. Sweetie..

222. I knew I married you for a reason..

223. besides your money.

224. Why didn't you tell me about the party?

225. Which party?

226. The "Come As You Were" party

227. you're throwing here tonight.

228. It's all over Gossip Girl.

229. Dress as your high school self. That's awesome.

230. 'I wish you would have given me a little more notice, though.'

231. 'I have to deck the place out.'

232. I have to get the gift bags ready.

233. - I have to— - I'm not throwing a party.

234. Alright, this is someone's idea of a joke.

235. - It is? - Yeah.

236. Too bad, 'cause that would have been great publicity

237. for "The Spectator".

238. Although it probably would have been impossible

239. to find a caterer this last minute.

240. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You know what? Why not?

241. It is a good idea.

242. Alright, well, see what you can pull together

243. and, uh, I'll handle the caterer.

244. Guess what, boys and girls?

245. Looks like school's back in session.

246. The question is, have you learned your lessons?

247. Let's hope not

248. 'cause I'm in the mood to see someone fail.

249. Charlie?

250. Rufus, hi.

251. Are you okay? What are you doing here?

252. We were so worried about you.

253. Oh, no, I'm fine. I'm totally fine.

254. I... I probably should have called weeks ago

255. but, uh, is Lily here?

256. She's, uh, on her way back from D.C.

257. but I'm sure she'd love to see you.

258. Yeah, I'd love to see her, too.

259. I'm only in town for a few hours

260. on my way to Europe.

261. I just wanted to explain

262. to her in person why I left so abruptly.

263. Yeah. So... why did you leave so—

264. Oh, no, it's personal. No offense.

265. It's just, I'd rather tell her on my own.

266. Well, you're welcome to stay and wait till she gets back.

267. Thanks, and you know, I've been keeping up

268. on what's been happening here since I left

269. through Serena's blog and Gossip Girl.

270. I can't believe Blair went through

271. with her marriage to Louis.

272. I really thought she was gonna end up with Chuck.

273. Yeah, between us, I think she may have wanted to.

274. Let's just say while love is a very complicated thing

275. so are pre-nups.

276. Speaking of love and pre-nups, uh, I have to go out

277. and pick up a few more things for Lily for tonight.

278. Uh, so stick around. She should be back soon.

279. See ya.

280. Thanks.

281. Thank you.

282. What are you doing here?

283. I'm supposed to meet

284. a lovely elderly woman

285. who is going to tell me the joys

286. of lifelong chastity

287. but apparently she's late, what about you?

288. I'm meeting my book agent who's also late.

289. Serena, I'm sorry. I should've—

290. Dan, please, w-we don't have to discuss this.

291. - Let's just move past it, okay? - Okay.

292. Can I interest you both in a glass of Dom, on the house?

293. It's a special Valentine's gift to all of our guests.

294. Sure. I guess one glass wouldn't hurt.

295. It's not our fault our dates are late.

296. Step one is accomplished. The thaw has begun.

297. 'Like beautiful Polish spring.'

298. Now on to step two.

299. Really?

300. She did?

301. No, I totally understand.

302. No, alright. Yeah.

303. Have a nice day, too.

304. - What was that? - That was the catering company.

305. I specifically asked for Lola, that girl from the wedding

306. but it turns out she has a note in her file

307. that says she can't work any events at "The Spectator".

308. What did you do to her, Nathaniel?

309. Nothing. I didn't do anything.

310. She was the reason I agreed to do the party

311. in the first place.

312. Maybe I should just cancel the whole thing.

313. You're doing all this for a girl?

314. If she won't work a party at "The Spectator"

315. would she work one at the Empire?

316. Not if she knew I was throwing it, apparently.

317. As much as I absolutely loathe this day

318. I can't deny my best friend a chance at true love.

319. I'll be overseeing the usual festivities

320. downstairs in the bar

321. but I'll host your party up here

322. and I'll even call the catering company myself.

323. Really? You don't mind?

324. Oh. That's great, man. Thank you.

325. Excuse me..

326. We just wanted to tell you

327. that we think you make a lovely couple.

328. - Who? Who, us? - Oh, no, no, no. W-We're not.

329. Guess how many years we've been together.

330. - Fifty four. - Come on.

331. Come on. You're supposed to let them guess.

332. 'We were high school sweethearts.'

333. 'Been together ever since.'

334. Best 54 years of my life.

335. Sorry. I-I don't think we ordered this.

336. This is also on the house

337. for all our guests.

338. I don't see any other tables here with this dessert.

339. And it's strange that neither one of our meetings showed up.

340. Okay, Alessandra said someone left her

341. a voice mail saying "I was canceling".

342. Same with the virgin. She called the office to reschedule.

343. Gee, I wonder who could be manipulative enough

344. to call all these people and get away with it.

345. It's too bad it's not Valentine's Day

346. more than once a year.

347. I could really make a serious go at this whole Cupid thing.

348. Yes, Operation: Da-rena going very smooth.

349. Now that they're actually talking again

350. we just need to figure out a way to get them both

351. to Nate's party tonight.

352. Once they see each other in their old uniforms,

353. how could all those old feelings not come flooding back?

354. It's true. You never forget first love.

355. I remember mine. Kazimierz.

356. Once, he took me out into sugar beet field..

357. Thank God.

358. Nate's party has been moved to the Empire.

359. I told Estee we'd stop by, but there's no way

360. I can bring a royal minder to my ex's apartment.

361. Looks like you'll just have to wear a school uniform

362. and play Cupid in my place.

363. Oh, no.

364. This is very bad plan.

365. Damn!

366. Nate's party has been moved to a suite at the Empire.

367. So?

368. So he lives with Chuck.

369. I highly doubt Blair's gonna risk running into her ex

370. with a royal minder in tow

371. which means that when I drop my bomb

372. the person it would hurt the most won't even be there.

373. Damn!

374. Oh, no.

375. This better not be someone telling me

376. that Serena's bailing too.

377. I hooked up a doorman at the Van Der Woodsens'

378. with some free Knicks tickets a couple years ago.

379. Best decision I ever made.

380. I think he saw something that might be of interest to you.

381. Does she know that I'm gone?

382. Okay. Well, uh, tell her I'm running an errand

383. and I'll be back in a few hours.

384. Okay, thanks.

385. I'm sorry, but, um, no one's home right now.

386. Charlotte Rhodes.

387. I'm hurt. You don't remember me?

388. I met you last year at the Constance party

389. when you were pretending to be mentally ill.

390. Although you're still hanging around here

391. so maybe you really are.

392. Right.

393. Georgina, is it?

394. I gave you my number, but you never called

395. which is why when I heard you were back in town

396. I thought I'd come by and catch you in person

397. especially since you have a habit

398. of bolting so quickly from places.

399. So..

400. what are you doing here?

401. Uh... just in town

402. for a brief visit, that's all.

403. Anybody know you're back?

404. Only Rufus and I'd appreciate it

405. if it stayed that way.

406. No problem.

407. Just... give me some gossip.

408. Or are you gossip enough?

409. Look, Georgina, I just got here. I don't know anything.

410. Aw. Come on now. You're part of the family.

411. You must know something.

412. All I know is that Blair and Louis

413. signed sort of a pre-nup, but in this town

414. that's hardly news.

415. You know, you really should have called me.

416. We could've had a lot of fun.

417. Well, at least now I can.

418. Philip, find out who represents the Grimaldi family in New York

419. and meet me there.

420. Oh, and we're probably gonna have to file for divorce.

421. Looks like Gossip Girl just

422. got her first Valentine's Day gift.

423. Hey! How was your lunch with the vestal virgin?

424. Helpful and informative or ghost of V-Day future?

425. You can stop, I know that you canceled my interview

426. and set me up with Dan.

427. It was an act of goodwill.

428. Just because I can't have love in my own life

429. doesn't mean I shouldn't bring it to the people

430. who I care about most.

431. But Dan doesn't have feelings for me

432. and-and there's nothing that will change that

433. not some champagne or dazzling dessert.

434. Not even two fake old people in love?

435. - They weren't real? - Actor's equity.

436. But you're wrong.

437. Do you know what Dan said to me this morning?

438. Same thing you did.

439. His last good Valentine's Day

440. was in high school... with you.

441. I'm telling you, there's still a glimmer of hope there.

442. That's never gonna happen, but thank you for trying.

443. Wait, wait, wait.

444. Why don't you come with me and my new royal minder

445. to the Cardiac Ball tonight?

446. We can bond over our mutual broken hearts

447. while looking at people with actual broken hearts.

448. Thank you, but I think I'll just stay home

449. eats lots of gelato, and write about how true love

450. is nothing but a myth.

451. Hey, I was in the neighborhood, so I just wanted to stop by

452. and tell you in person

453. I'm not gonna be able to make it tonight.

454. Come on, man. You too? Chuck's gonna be working.

455. Blair and Serena are no-shows.

456. I mean, wh-what's up? You have a hot date or something?

457. Oh, hardly.

458. Blair's trying to set me up with Serena

459. which reminded me, I didn't exactly

460. have a great time in high school

461. so I'm not eager to relive it.

462. Before you say "no", think about this.

463. There's gonna be grown women here dressed like schoolgirls.

464. I know. I'm sorry. I-I can't make it.

465. If it makes you feel any better..

466. I will totally sign your yearbook.

467. No, it doesn't.

468. What is it?

469. It's, um, something strange.

470. Of course I love you, Chuck. I've always loved you.

471. 'I love you more and more every..'

472. Um... you know what?

473. On second thought, I think I will come tonight.

474. I mean, who doesn't like schoolgirls?

475. Yes!

476. - Hello? - 'Have you heard from Lily?'

477. It's getting late, and I really need to catch my flight.

478. Charlie, I feel terrible.

479. Her train was delayed, so she's headed straight

480. to, uh, the Empire.

481. I'm meeting her there now.

482. Can I swing by there

483. on my way to the airport?

484. Do you wanna just call her?

485. No! It's really important.

486. Yeah. O-okay, okay, I'll tell her you're on your way.

487. I know, you're mad at me

488. for trying to set you up with Serena.

489. Actually, not really.

490. We kinda had a nice time today

491. which got me to thinking

492. that there may be hope for us yet.

493. I knew it. I knew there was still something between you.

494. Ah! Now go ask her to Nate's party.

495. Oh. "Guitar Hero" in one suite, a Sushi bar in the other.

496. Ah, a girl gets beaned with a Nairtini

497. or someone uses a secret key to sneak into the pool.

498. It's just like old times.

499. That sounds romantic, but I was thinking it might be better

500. to explore whatever future we might have

501. without the-the pressure of a real date, you know?

502. What do you mean?

503. Well, you did such a good job playing Cupid

504. at lunch, so I thought you could do it again

505. so why don't you come with us?

506. Hm. I would love to help, but I've suddenly

507. got this royal... pain in the ass from Monaco

508. who's watching my every move

509. so I don't think it's such a good idea

510. for me to bring her to Chuck's.

511. No, what better place to bring her?

512. You could finally prove that Chuck is no longer a threat

513. and Nate said he's probably not even gonna be there tonight.

514. - Chuck won't be there? - No.

515. Fine. I'll make a swing by quickly

516. on the way to the Cardiac Ball

517. but just to drop her and go, okay?

518. Thanks. I'll see you there.

519. I can't believe everything in Blair's pre-nup

520. money, chateaus, portraits.

521. Real estate, yachts, jewels.

522. She owns half a museum?

523. Pay dirt.

524. 'It says here Blair defaults on the marriage'

525. in any way, the Waldorf family will owe the royals

526. so much money, they'll be bankrupt.

527. And this helps us how?

528. We're going to show the world

529. what Blair really thinks of her vows

530. and we're gonna use Dan to do it.

531. Look out, B.

532. You may be trying to play Cupid

533. but all the arrows are pointed right at you.

534. Okay, so please tell me again why we're here

535. why I'm dressed like this and why you're not?

536. You told me your last good Valentine's Day

537. was in high school, and since taking you

538. to an actual Constance/St. Jude party

539. felt wrong on too many levels

540. I'm taking you to the next best thing, a simulation.

541. Yeah, but I feel strange, and people are looking at me.

542. Trust me, S. I have a big surprise for you tonight.

543. Isn't this your ex-boyfriend Charles Bass' hotel?

544. And we're coming here on Valentine's Day?

545. I hardly think the royal family—

546. Listen, Estee, we are simply dropping by

547. so I can do one nice thing for a friend

548. before heading to the Cardiac Ball.

549. Chuck Bass is not a threat

550. and I think it's important for the world to see..

551. Chuck, what are you doing here?

552. Just leaving. Enjoy your evening, ladies.

553. See that? We're friends now.

554. We've put it all behind us, so feel free

555. to alert the media if you want.

556. Classy party, Blair.

557. Is this the type of dignified function I can be

558. looking forward to attending with you in the future?

559. Trust me, we'll be leaving momentarily.

560. Since Bass seems to be the issue here

561. why don't I keep my eye on him?

562. Downstairs, with people not wearing plaid or eating Jell-o.

563. Hey, don't give me that look.

564. You said you didn't wanna work

565. a party at "The Spectator",

566. so this isn't "The Spectator."

567. Wait, wait, wait. Just hear me out, okay?

568. I think I did a pretty good job of addressing your concerns.

569. I mean, we're not having some cheesy

570. Valentine's date here, okay?

571. You get to see my world up close

572. maybe change your mind about it

573. and you don't have to miss work

574. if you don't want to.

575. Come on. Just say a quick hello. You have to.

576. Serena would kill me if she knew

577. that I saw you and didn't drag you upstairs.

578. No, Dan, I told you, I really don't have time.

579. - I need to go find Lily— - No, it's too late. Too late.

580. Hey, look who I saw racing through the lobby

581. as I was listening to St. Vincent?

582. Charlie, what are you doing here?

583. And where have you been for the past three months?

584. I know.

585. I just felt really overwhelmed

586. and guilty about... the car accident

587. especially since Chuck and Blair were leaving my party

588. when it happened.

589. So I went back to Florida.

590. But, uh, you know, honestly

591. I-I really shouldn't be here right now.

592. I came to apologize to your mom on my way to catching a flight.

593. Do you have her room?

594. I'll text her. Don't worry about it.

595. But first you have to tell me

596. all about your past three months

597. and-and what it's like living with Carol again.

598. - Oh, excuse me. - Ooh. Sorry.

599. Okay, okay.

600. - What are you doing? - Hold still.

601. Serena really digs that outsider thing.

602. So I'm helping.

603. B.T.W., this tie didn't work

604. for you in high school, and it doesn't work now.

605. So here's what I'm thinking.

606. Take Serena somewhere quiet

607. like, I don't know, Nate's room or something.

608. Wait a second. I don't think I can go through with this.

609. You're really nervous, which is cute.

610. It is like high school all over again.

611. Listen, you have nothing to worry about, Dan.

612. Serena already likes you. You know that.

613. Look, I'm telling you, just be your charming, wonderful self

614. like you've been with me all year.

615. You think I've been wonderful?

616. Are you kidding me?

617. Look at everything we've been through together.

618. You kept it a secret when I found out I was pregnant.

619. You shielded me from the world

620. so I could deal with my paternity test

621. and you brought me to a priest

622. in my darkest hour.

623. You wrote Louis' vows for him

624. and then you saved me from my own wedding.

625. Do I need to go on?

626. No.

627. So..

628. If you're that guy with Serena how could she not love you?

629. You're gonna make your move or what?

630. I will be right back.

631. You really do. I mean it.

632. Charlie, welcome back.

633. - Serena, can we talk? - Yeah, of course.

634. Promise to call me the moment you get back from Europe, okay?

635. I will. Promise.

636. Charlie! Hey!

637. Ivy!

638. Ivy!

639. It's Charlotte Rhodes from Florida.

640. We took that acting class together.

641. Uh, yeah. Charlotte.

642. Hi. It's good to see you.

643. What are you doing here?

644. I was about to ask you that same question.

645. So... Dan is looking for you.

646. Blair, that's not funny.

647. I'm not joking. That was my big surprise.

648. Unlike you, he thought your lunch date went great

649. and he wants to explore things further.

650. Now I'm leaving, so go find him and see what happens.

651. Go!

652. Georgina.

653. - You're Gossip Girl? - What?

654. No.

655. No, that's the most ridiculous thing

656. I've ever heard.

657. Oh. Uh, okay.

658. I'm not... Gossip Girl.

659. I just... I work for her

660. and believe me, the job is a lot harder than I thought.

661. Okay, look, your blackmailing days are over.

662. If you tell anyone that I leaked that video

663. of Blair and Chuck at her wedding

664. then I'll tell everyone that you're Gossip Girl's henchman.

665. Don't you think you're overreacting here?

666. I mean, I was just trying to help your relationship along

667. by getting you to finally kiss Blair.

668. I couldn't handle the lack of action any longer.

669. All those endless pauses and pained stares.

670. So boring. She wants you to kiss her, too.

671. The fact that you haven't just done it already

672. would be shocking if you weren't, well, you.

673. Dan.

674. Georgina.

675. - 'What is going on?' - Everything's fine.

676. Georgina was just leaving, weren't you?

677. Yes, I was. This party is so 2007 anyway.

678. What are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be

679. at some fancy gala?

680. I still have this.

681. And I just need to know one thing.

682. I sent Serena to look for you.

683. Am I just setting her up for disappointment?

684. Do you really want us to get back together?

685. I just want you to be happy.

686. Tell me what would make you happy, Dan.

687. Hm.

688. Wait.

689. Hey, Georgina!

690. Sorry, S.

691. Looks like your seven minutes in heaven

692. just turned into seven seconds from hell.

693. Charlie Trout.

694. Drinking by himself on Valentine's Day.

695. Look out.

696. Do I know you?

697. Yeah. Alessandra. We met at Dan's book party.

698. I have a vague memory.

699. Well, it's a good thing I have a vivid one.

700. I'm here with a bunch of single girlfriends

701. and it is super depressing.

702. Buy me a drink.

703. Unless..

704. Forgive the drunken brazenness here

705. but... what do you say we head off to your room

706. and make the rest of this dreadful holiday

707. go away together?

708. Thanks.

709. But maybe last year.

710. Oh, my God. What is wrong with me?

711. 'I was trying to get you two back together.'

712. I thought that's what you both wanted.

713. It's not my fault he kissed me.

714. Not your fault? What, you sound like

715. you're still in high school.

716. Says the girl in the Constance uniform.

717. Did you not believe me that I didn't send that video in?

718. Of course I believed you.

719. Okay, well, then what is it?

720. What, you just wanna take away something that matters to me?

721. Did you even care about Dan?

722. B, how many times can we fight like this?

723. Aren't you sick of it?

724. They say people keep fighting about the same things

725. until it breaks them apart.

726. You know what? Maybe we're there.

727. There you are. We really have to go.

728. I couldn't agree more.

729. The last thing my mother ever wanted

730. was for me to be an actress

731. let alone live in New York City

732. so I applied to Julliard behind her back.

733. Now, well, she thinks I'm busy rushing sororities

734. in Michigan state, and I'm actually here

735. taking classes and going by "Lola".

736. Just working jobs like this one to make ends meet.

737. But what about you? Are you acting out here?

738. Yeah. Yeah, kind of.

739. I mean, you know, I-I got cast in this one part

740. and it paid really well

741. but it took a lot longer than I expected

742. and-and it was way more complicated than I thought.

743. Alright, has anyone ever told you two

744. how much you guys look alike?

745. I mean, you could almost be sisters.

746. My mom used to say the same thing.

747. You remember her, don't you?

748. No. No, not really.

749. And I didn't realize how late it was getting.

750. So I'm going to go.

751. You know, we should exchange numbers sometime.

752. Well, I'd say an apology is in order

753. after all your "I'm not comfortable in your world" talk

754. because you totally knew someone at my party.

755. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I stand corrected.

756. But why was Ivy Dickens here anyway?

757. Oh, she's my friend's cousin.

758. Her real name's Charlie Rhodes.

759. - I'm sorry. "Real name"? - Yeah. You didn't know?

760. Apparently, her mom is a crazy woman down in Florida

761. who made her go by the name "Ivy Dickens" growing up.

762. It must have been when you knew her

763. but after last spring when she moved here

764. to live with her family

765. she had to go by her real name.

766. And that name is... Charlie Rhodes?

767. Yeah. What?

768. Dan, give it.

769. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't

770. just smash this phone on the floor right now?

771. Fine. No problem.

772. I've already e-mailed myself the picture anyway.

773. Doesn't matter.

774. You can't do anything with it anyway

775. 'cause the second you do, we'll just out you

776. as the Gossip Girl spy you are.

777. I'm not her spy, you idiot. I am her.

778. Watching you and Blair squirm with unfulfilled desire

779. is way more fun than any damage one picture could cause.

780. What does that mean?

781. It means that the girl you love finally gave you a sign

782. that she likes you back

783. and there's not a damn thing

784. either of you can do about it

785. without destroying not only Blair's marriage

786. but her family's entire financial future.

787. Her family? I don't understand.

788. She didn't tell you about her pre-nup?

789. If Blair defaults in her marriage in any way

790. the dowry she'd owe would bankrupt Eleanor.

791. And, sweetie, if Blair hated you for being poor before

792. imagine how much she'd hate you for making her poor, too.

793. I have something I think you'd like to see.

794. And in your bedroom, no less.

795. Has she no decency?

796. Anyway, happy Valentine's Day.

797. Blair! Blair, wait a second.

798. Just give me one more minute, okay? Sorry.

799. Why didn't you tell me about the pre-nup?

800. Is that why you went back with Louis?

801. I just can't risk my family's future like that.

802. I have no choice but to stay trapped in my marriage

803. for at least a year.

804. So your feelings for Louis..

805. Are all business.

806. How about your feelings for me?

807. 'Cause that kiss, it wasn't like last year.

808. You-you kissed me back. I felt it.

809. Doesn't matter what you think you felt

810. because Serena's my best friend

811. and I would never do anything to hurt her.

812. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.

813. Have a happy Valentine's Day.

814. Amazing.

815. You got exactly what you wanted.

816. So what are you waiting for? Use it.

817. If I post this picture, Dan will out me.

818. And I'm not sure I'm willing to give up being Gossip Girl

819. over one little kiss.

820. So what are we gonna do?

821. Dan knows how Blair feels about him now

822. which means the more they can't, the more they'll want to.

823. It won't be long before they're doing far worse

824. things than kissing.

825. Speaking of..

826. I'm kinda digging this whole high school look.

827. Oh, well, it is Valentine's Day, and you have been

828. uncharacteristically helpful today.

829. Sure. Why not?

830. Oh, not it.

831. I know I promised you all I'd expose a giant secret today

832. and I didn't deliver..

833. but isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about?

834. Hopes dashed? Feelings hurt?

835. Relationships severed?

836. It's a day filled with crushing disappointments.

837. I want you to know I'm interested

838. in more than your body, Alessandra.

839. I'm interested in your work, too.

840. Tell me, what's it like being a book agent

841. and working with my good friend Dan?

842. Where it's easy to take advantage

843. of the vulnerable and lonely.

844. While some continue to pine

845. over those great unrequited loves..

846. others can't help but feel like they somehow

847. got totally screwed.

848. How was your aunt?

849. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish it.

850. Oh.

851. How is she doing? Is she okay?

852. I'm worried there's not much time left.

853. She really cares about you.

854. Wouldn't stop talking about you while you were gone.

855. Mrs. Rhodes is up right now if you'd like to talk to her.

856. And while it'd be nice to believe

857. that most Valentine's Days end well

858. we all know they are far more likely to end in heartbreak.

859. XOXO, Gossip Girl.