Gossip Girl 5x12

1. Gossip Girl here

2. your one and only source

3. into the scandalous lives

4. of Manhattan's elite.

5. You are the one I never wanna leave.

6. Oh, my God!

7. 'I'm sorry, but you lost the baby.'

8. This is just the culmination of years of damage.

9. Alright, so what do you wanna do?

10. I wanna take Gossip Girl down for good.

11. I'll do anything. Let him live.

12. I promise I'll keep my vow to marry Louis.

13. Chuck Bass is asking for you.

14. Blair, it's good to see you. And you, Dan.

15. Thank you, Father Smythe.

16. I swear to you, we are not having an affair.

17. Then what the hell are you doing?

18. He's having a relationship with me.

19. 'Blair got in the wrong car' that night, this says

20. the car that crashed was the one ordered for me.

21. X-O-X-O Gossip Girl.

22. And who am I?

23. That's one secret I'll never tell.

24. You know you love me.

25. X-O-X-O.

26. Gossip Girl.

27. Hey, Upper East Sider, it's me, Gossip Girl.

28. I'm hoping you're interested in some quid pro quo.

29. Because we both have something to prove.

30. You look like hell.

31. I assume this means you didn't find anything.

32. I've re-read every piece in "The Spectator"

33. since I started there, and unless Christina Aguilera

34. is mad about our "Baby Bump or Mexican Lunch" article

35. I really don't think there's anything in here

36. worth hurting me over.

37. Gossip Girl didn't offer to help?

38. Yeah, but only if I help her

39. whatever that means.

40. Sometimes to get your needs met..

41. you need to choose an unsavory partner.

42. You know, that might work for you at 3:00 in the morning

43. in the Lower East Side, but it's Gossip Girl.

44. 'Okay? It's been pretty nice not'

45. having her record our every move.

46. Maybe for you, but without her, I have no idea

47. what Blair's up to.

48. You still don't know why she won't talk to you?

49. Before the accident, she was ready to run away

50. with me, spend the rest of our lives together

51. and now... she won't even take my call.

52. I have to know why.

53. So what's your next move?

54. If she won't give me my answer, I'll find it myself.

55. Now, if you'll excuse me

56. 'Blair should be wrapping up her breakfast with Beatrice.'

57. I have her doorman on retainer.

58. Be careful, there's a fine line

59. between surveillance and stalking.

60. Yeah, getting caught, which I don't plan on.

61. And if you wanna catch someone, you know what to do.

62. 'I hope you don't mind the imposition.'

63. Not at all.

64. With Louis at his bachelor party in Monaco

65. it's a comfort to have a Grimaldi by my side.

66. And your kindness while I recuperated

67. is very much appreciated.

68. I wish it wasn't something so sad that brought us together.

69. But now we get to focus on happier things

70. like your wedding next week.

71. How can I help?

72. Well, you can get yourself to Vera Wang's

73. to try on your bridesmaid dress.

74. Really?

75. We all make mistakes

76. but I would be happy to have you

77. stand with me next Saturday.

78. I feel so honored.

79. So hustle to Vera's, because my bachelorette party

80. is tonight, and you need to be free at 5:00.

81. A real American bachelorette party?

82. I've only seen those in movies.

83. Sorry to disappoint, but this won't be

84. it girls gone wild.

85. Serena has planned an elegant and intimate party.

86. First, dinner at Le Charlot, and then off to

87. the Tiffany Suite at St. Regis for Kir Royales

88. and Kiki de Montparnasse.

89. Even without the male strippers and a penis cake

90. I cannot wait.

91. Wonderful, now if you'll excuse me, I don't wanna be late

92. for Father Smythe.

93. 'This fake relationship is costing me a lot of money.'

94. 'I know that Blair asked us to stay together'

95. 'to keep Louis from getting suspicious'

96. but, I mean, coffee in Brooklyn

97. is half the price and tastes better.

98. Well, haven't you learned if you want the world

99. to think you're doing something

100. you have to do it on Madison Avenue?

101. And eight dollar cappuccinos are the price you pay.

102. What time do we have to be at "The Spectator"

103. to launch your daily column?

104. Uh, we're actually doing it outside my office.

105. Nate bought cab ads, and he thought it would be fun

106. for me to be photographed in one just as my blog

107. launches at 10:00.

108. Oh, that's pretty cool.

109. What did you end up writing about?

110. About how my relationships suffered under the microscope of

111. Gossip Girl, and-and now with her gone

112. how they're flourishing.

113. Yeah, or fake flourishing.

114. And wow, taking down Gossip Girl

115. that's a pretty risky move.

116. Yeah, well, I wasn't sure I wanted to take her on

117. so directly, but then Nate made a really good case and now

118. I-I can't imagine having written about anything else.

119. Just so you know, you're kind of the

120. focal point of my first piece.

121. Well, as long as it helps your career and Blair's future

122. I'm on board, and the publicity from your column

123. certainly didn't hurt, Simon and Schuster moved up

124. the meeting for my second book to this afternoon.

125. Wow. See? A second book

126. and my-my column launching.

127. Doesn't seem like fake anything to me.

128. 'Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.'

129. I... pressed the close button on an elevator door

130. when I saw a woman running to catch it.

131. Why did you do that?

132. It was a long ride down to the lobby

133. and she was wearing too much perfume.

134. Diddy called it "Unforgivable" for a reason.

135. Technically, that's not a sin, but okay.

136. What else, my child?

137. My dreams at night..

138. Yes, my child?

139. May not be about the man I'm going to marry.

140. Go on.

141. I love Louis.

142. I do, but..

143. I fear the devil on my shoulder.

144. Which devil is that?

145. Chuck Bass, of course.

146. I know I need to honor my pact with God

147. to protect him.

148. But... I'm growing weak.

149. I'm afraid I might break.

150. Father Smythe, you are the only one

151. who can keep me on the straight and narrow.

152. 'As long as Monaco must have a royal priest'

153. I want it to be you instead of that horrid Cavalia.

154. Cavalia isn't that bad, is he?

155. While I'm loath to discredit any man of the cloth

156. he's the biggest snake in Christian

157. ever since the one that bit Eve.

158. To have you as my royal advisor will mean that you can

159. be with me at all times.

160. You'll find strength in prayer.

161. Five "Hail Marys" and a "Glory Be."

162. Thank you, father.

163. Today's "Spectator" is ready to be uploaded

164. and the photographer's downstairs

165. to cover the debut of Serena's column.

166. Alright, just give me five minutes

167. I need to do something first. Thank you.

168. - Nathaniel. - 'Hey, Chuck. Can you hear me?'

169. Why do I hear church bells?

170. Blair was inside a church for half an hour.

171. Please tell me you didn't follow her inside.

172. Of course not, I didn't wanna risk blowing my cover

173. or bursting into flames.

174. 'What's going on?'

175. Well, I just sent it to you.

176. - Who is that? - It's Charlie Rhodes' ex. Max.

177. 'The one who tried blackmailing her?'

178. Yeah, and this photo was taken the night of the accident.

179. Right? He's leaving the Empire with an envelope full of cash.

180. You think Gossip Girl knows more than she's saying?

181. Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

182. I'll have security pull footage

183. from the night of the party.

184. I'll see if there's something we missed.

185. Sounds good.

186. Is it true Blair plans to replace you

187. as soon as she's princess?

188. It is, but it doesn't matter.

189. Because she's never going to become princess.

190. You will see to that.

191. Yeah, I don't know if our plan is going to work.

192. Blair's bachelorette party seems like it's going to

193. be a very staid affair.

194. Well, not if you're there.

195. And there will be liquor, no?

196. See that she drinks a lot of it.

197. You're not going back on me now, are you?

198. Beatrice, Blair is still in love with Chuck.

199. She just confessed it to me.

200. If we don't stop your brother's marriage

201. I will lose my position in the royal court.

202. And you will lose me as well.

203. Is that really what you want?

204. What do you want me to do?

205. 'Help Louis to see the truth about Blair.'

206. Get her drunk and alone with Chuck Bass.

207. 'And then we will show the world'

208. where her true heart lies.

209. Dad, Lily, what are you guys doing here?

210. - Serena asked us to come. - I'm sorry.

211. - I was just so excited. - Of course.

212. It's not every day you get to see your face on a taxicab.

213. - Serena, Lily, over here. - Oh, not yet.

214. We're waiting for one of the cabs.

215. I wonder where Nate is. It's almost 10:00.

216. He would not miss this.

217. This is just as much his moment as it is mine.

218. I'm sure he'll be out in a minute.

219. Ah, there's one. Taxi!

220. 10:00 on the button.

221. - 'This is fabulous.' - 'Hey, let's see that column.'

222. I'm on it. Here you go.

223. Serena, hold it up.

224. 'Yeah, right next to your face. That's great. Thanks.'

225. 'Nice. Smile.'

226. Ask questions.

227. But there's.. It's just blank.

228. 'Serena? Serena?'

229. Well, that's.. That's weird.

230. Maybe there's a delay or something.

231. What's happening?

232. Everything okay?

233. I hope so.

234. Just put that up there in the corner.

235. Make it color if you like.

236. "This page no longer exists?"

237. I-I had to postpone the launch.

238. I'm sorry.

239. Well, I'm confused.

240. Because this whole column was your idea.

241. So if you're rethinking it now, you need to let me know.

242. No, it's just not the right time.

243. Marketing said awareness was too low.

244. So maybe after the cabs make a few more laps around the city.

245. You swear that's what this is about, a marketing strategy?

246. You'll be the first to know when I decide we're ready.

247. - I promise. - Okay.

248. So, you think I'm ready for the pitch?

249. 'Cause I know some of my ideas

250. are a little on the esoteric side.

251. No, your, no, your ideas are brilliant.

252. And obviously, you light up every room that you walk into.

253. But I sense there's a "but" coming.

254. Oh, you may not like what I'm gonna say.

255. - It's a little personal. - Is it my shirt? It's my shirt.

256. - Right? - No.

257. It's Serena.

258. Look, you're a brilliant writer with incredible creative range

259. but I worry the publicity you two are getting right now

260. is distracting people from your real talent.

261. See, I want Simon and Schuster to see you

262. as the next Jennifer Egan or Chad Harbach.

263. And I worry that if they see you as Serena's boyfriend again—

264. They're-they're just gonna want me to write a sequel

265. to "Inside" again.

266. I'm sorry, I, you know

267. I know it's not my place to say anything.

268. No, but I'm glad you did because Serena's

269. about to launch this new column.

270. Uh, and the cover story is all about us

271. so I need to call her and tell her not to right now. Hold on.

272. - Hello? - 'Hey.'

273. 'Listen, I got a question for you.'

274. When your column launches

275. do you think you could leave out uh, the-the parts

276. that focus on our present day relationship?

277. Why? What's going on?

278. Well, my agent seems to think

279. that I'll have a better chance of writing something

280. that isn't about the Upper East Side... if I'm not

281. so connected to you in the press, uh, right now.

282. I know, I know that sounds kinda bad.

283. Yeah, it did. But don't worry about it.

284. My column has been put on hold indefinitely.

285. Oh, good. Oh, that's great.

286. No, that's-that's not good for you.

287. I'm sorry about that.

288. No, it's-it's fine.

289. Look, if Nate ever does decide to run it I'll make sure

290. all the references to you are in the past.

291. Yeah, we can keep up appearances for Blair's sake.

292. I just think maybe no more Madison Avenue.

293. I'm sure your wallet will be happy to hear that.

294. Thank you, Serena. I really appreciate it.

295. Yeah. Bye.

296. 'Thanks for keeping me company.'

297. 'I told Serena I wanted to hand-pick'

298. 'the macaroons for tonight.'

299. 'Besides, I wouldn't mind an orange blossom'

300. to tide me over before dinner.

301. Of course. I love Laduree.

302. Although..

303. I can go there anytime I like in Paris.

304. You can never have too many macaroons.

305. You joke, but you might want to eat creme fraiche off a stripper

306. or take a pole dancing class while you still can.

307. What's the point in deviating from the royal path

308. even for one night?

309. My life is what it is.

310. Might as well get used to it now.

311. 'What are you doing here?'

312. And don't say shopping

313. for velour track pants. You're following me.

314. I'm not going to leave until you tell me what changed

315. why you turned your back on me, on us?

316. I told you everything there is to say.

317. Lurking in doorways won't help.

318. Sooner or later, you're going to crack.

319. You always do.

320. Whether it's at Le Charlot at 7:00

321. or doubles at 9:00 or the Tiffany Suite

322. at the St. Regis at 11:00.

323. Maybe it's a good idea to cut loose tonight after all

324. far away from any place Chuck Bass can find me.

325. Absolument. Leave everything to me.

326. - Is Nate in? - Uh, he's down in graphics.

327. But he should be back up any second.

328. I just wanna talk to him about my column.

329. - I'll wait inside. - Okay.

330. Well, maybe you should..

331. Turns out Nate's gonna be longer than I thought..

332. Hey, wait. What are you doing?

333. Nate killed my column because Gossip Girl told him to.

334. - You can't do that. - No? Watch me.

335. So, Dan, what are you thinking for book number two?

336. We're all ears.

337. Um, you know, there are a couple

338. worlds I'm drawn to right now.

339. One of them is a modern Western.

340. Uh, but it's like a, like a "Henry IV"

341. 'kind of structure or vibe, so there's the Falstaff thing'

342. with all of your friends addicted to the drunken revelry

343. of the west, you know, so it's set on a

344. cattle range during reconstruction.

345. Smart, but I worry that, uh, Westerns are a little

346. played out.

347. How about something more modern?

348. Yes. He has another idea. It's set in Manhattan.

349. Keep going.

350. Yeah. Um, it's basically

351. like, a 100 years from today.

352. - It's the future? - No, it's the near future.

353. Yeah, I mean, I know it's a risk..

354. Can I hit "pause"?

355. Your fans are crying out for a sequel to "Inside"

356. and frankly, so is your publisher.

357. Yeah, I mean, I don't know who's interested

358. in hearing that story anymore.

359. Well, your girlfriend Serena's article about you two

360. went up less than an hour ago, and there are already

361. 'over a 1000 comments.'

362. Um... yeah, I mean, I was just..

363. I was really hoping to..

364. to stretch on this one.

365. Then take a yoga class.

366. 'That's good.'

367. But, uh, write what you know.

368. 'And keep on dating Serena.'

369. 'At least until the next book comes out.'

370. It's great press.

371. You wanted to see me?

372. Yeah. You're fired.

373. Are you kidding?

374. You went behind my back and launched your column

375. when I told you we weren't ready.

376. Oh, we weren't, or Gossip Girl wasn't?

377. I saw her e-mail.

378. Look, I know that you've been secretly working with her

379. or for her. Either way, I don't care.

380. It means you're not just a liar but a hypocrite.

381. Did you even read the e-mail Gossip Girl sent?

382. - Which one? - The last one.

383. Where she said my own cousin sabotaged my car.

384. Trip?

385. You realize you're even crazier than Gossip Girl?

386. Well, her information seems pretty reliable.

387. She's got photos.

388. Oh, yeah, because no gossip site has ever faked a photo before.

389. She would do anything to save her reputation right now.

390. Nate, what's happened to you?

391. When did you stop being able to tell the difference

392. between your friends and your enemies?

393. - Serena, wait. - No, you fired me.

394. I don't have to listen to you. And you know what?

395. Honestly, someone should probably tell Trip

396. 'that his own cousin is trying to frame him'

397. for a crime he didn't commit.

398. Okay, so we shall have plenty of alcohol

399. and many phallic party favors.

400. Really, the most important thing is that

401. we steer clear of anyplace that Chuck Bass..

402. Chuck Bass might find you? I understand.

403. 'We're going to have so much fun.'

404. I even got a few party games I saw girls play on channel VH1.

405. Oddly... it sounds perfect.

406. It will be a night you will never forget.

407. There was really no need to come up.

408. I told the front desk

409. we're just fine with our Gideons.

410. I'm not here to sell you anything.

411. God's advice is free.

412. Father Cavalia of Monaco.

413. The Grimaldis' spiritual flack.

414. What could you possibly want with me?

415. I received a call from Princess Beatrice this morning.

416. She's concerned about her brother's pending marriage

417. to Blair Waldorf.

418. And you think I might be the answer to her prayers?

419. Perhaps.

420. I know that you're on your way to the St. Regis

421. to interrupt Miss Waldorf's bachelorette party.

422. So I thought you would like to know

423. that the party has been moved.

424. What happened to "Thou shalt not steal?"

425. This is not the time to be cavalier, Mr. Bass.

426. The woman you love is about to marry another man..

427. I am quite aware, and thank you for your sympathies

428. but tell me, father, what is your angle?

429. This is what is known as divine intervention, Monsieur Bass.

430. I'd accept it if I were you.

431. I'd have to speak with Blair in private.

432. I'm not sure even you could

433. perform that miracle alone.

434. Who said I'm working alone?

435. After all, I've got a higher power by my side.

436. Let's go.

437. Whoo! I have never been so happy to be surrounded

438. by so many bridge and tunnel types.

439. 'You should have worn an actual tiara.'

440. Are you kidding? Someone would have fist-pumped

441. it off her head.

442. Ooh. Shots now.

443. So, who's ready for the first party game?

444. I am.

445. Beatrice came up with a great plan.

446. Match the ex with the act.

447. Remember how we made you write down all the secret

448. scandalous acts your exes committed?

449. Well, Beatrice now holds the questions and the answers

450. and will read each one aloud.

451. If no one can name the right ex..

452. We all take a shot, but if we guess correctly

453. you take a shot.

454. Well, I hope you ladies have the urge to purge

455. because those secrets not even Serena knows.

456. Wait. Where is Serena?

457. Oh, my God. I forgot to call her with the change in plans.

458. Oh, let me call her now.

459. Hey, B., I'm on my way.

460. No, no, no, there's a change in location.

461. We're at Panchito's.

462. I'm sorry. My phone must be messed up.

463. I thought you said you were at Panchito's.

464. Yeah, Beatrice forgot to call and tell you.

465. Beatrice doesn't seem like the kind of girl

466. who forgets anything.

467. Well, she's changed. I promise.

468. But what are we doing even talking about this?

469. Get in a cab immediately.

470. No, I'm still at the apartment, I have to finish something

471. but, um, I'll be there soon, I promise

472. and please don't drink too many frozen margaritas

473. before I get there. Bye.

474. Everybody's waiting. Let's start drinking.

475. Hey, Trip, I'm glad you decided to come.

476. Ah, thanks for calling.

477. I saw your fight with Nate on Gossip Girl.

478. I know you have no reason to take my side in anything

479. but I really appreciate you standing up for me in this.

480. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it

481. because it's the right thing.

482. I-I just, I don't know what Nate was thinking.

483. 'Next question.'

484. "What is Lord Marcus' favorite song?"

485. Ooh, ooh, I know. "Where do broken hearts go?"

486. How did you know that?

487. Lucky guess!

488. There have been a lot of lucky guesses tonight.

489. Okay. Question number four.

490. "Who once wore Blair's underwear to dinner at Picholine?"

491. Oh, oh, oh. Bottoms up, ladies.

492. No one knows the answer to that one.

493. 'I never told a single soul about that.'

494. 'I don't think I even wrote it in my diary.'

495. 'Carter Baizen.'

496. Correct. Blair drinks.

497. This game is kicking my ass.

498. Drink, drink, drink, drink.

499. No!

500. Cheers!

501. Oh, get it!

502. - What's so funny? - Serena's column.

503. I gotta hand it to her. It's great.

504. And I'm not the only one that thinks so.

505. Yeah, I know.

506. The whole city's reading it. Over a 1000 comments.

507. Is that a bad thing?

508. Well, for me, kind of.

509. I had my, uh, my pitch meeting this afternoon with my editor

510. and now that Serena and I are-are back on

511. he's completely focused on me writing a sequel to "Inside."

512. That's great. You guys are the new hot couple.

513. - You should enjoy it. - But we're not dating.

514. We're just faking it to protect Blair's engagement.

515. Okay. I'm not even gonna ask you to fill me in.

516. Instead, I'm just gonna assume there's a

517. long royal explanation.

518. You know me well, and Blair, but the point is

519. as long as it seems like Serena and I are together

520. my editor's not gonna let me write a second novel

521. I'd actually care about.

522. Well, sacrificing your career for the people you love

523. 'I understand.'

524. But sacrificing it for fake love

525. I-I think it's counterintuitive.

526. Yeah, which is why I have to find Serena.

527. Have you seen her?

528. Tonight's Blair's bachelorette party.

529. I'm sure she's there.

530. Well, I've already crashed her bridal shower.

531. I'm sure it won't matter if I barge in

532. on another pre-wedding event.

533. Oh, tell Serena I'm a fan.

534. Now since I'm..

535. not sober..

536. I'm gonna tell you what I really think about tonight.

537. - I'm having the best time. - Oh. I'm so glad.

538. But I had my doubts about you.

539. You are almost as schemey as me.

540. But we are cut from the same cloth.

541. Overbearing mother, absent father.

542. The weight of a thousand expectations.

543. You're right.

544. I always am.

545. - 'Can I ask you a question?' - Anything.

546. Why are you marrying my brother

547. when I know you're not in love with him?

548. I do love him.

549. There might be some loves that seem... bigger

550. than others or more complicated or..

551. harder to let go of.

552. But there's a reason they're not meant to be.

553. You cannot choose who you love.

554. But you can choose

555. how you love them.

556. And there are some people you can only love

557. by not being with them.

558. Okay, I'll get you some water. You need to sober up.

559. Oh, you're so nice

560. and so pretty.

561. I don't understand, how could Nate ever believe

562. I'd wanna hurt him? He's the closest thing

563. I have to a brother.

564. No, I know, but you know, Nate's not the kid

565. that you grew up with.

566. - He's changed. - Yeah. Well, so have I.

567. And I'm not gonna sit here and let him try to frame me

568. for a crime I didn't commit.

569. Well, then we need to kill the story

570. before he goes public with it.

571. How? There's no way I can prove I didn't do it.

572. I know, but maybe we can find out who really did do it.

573. I mean, come on, Is there anyone that you can think of

574. that would wanna hurt Nate?

575. I don't even wanna say this out loud, Serena.

576. But all the way here, I was replaying it in my mind.

577. - Replaying what? - The night of the accident.

578. I heard Maureen call a car to take her to the Empire.

579. - If I had known— - Wait, wait. Maureen?

580. Are you surprised?

581. I mean, after all, all she's ever cared

582. about was my career.

583. How my success reflected on her.

584. When she saw grandfather pass me over for Nate

585. she decided to protect the thing that mattered to her most.

586. I think we've heard enough.

587. Thank you, Nate.

588. Oh, don't thank me. Thank Serena.

589. It was her idea.

590. What the hell is going on?

591. Well, we knew you wouldn't admit to anything

592. so Serena and I staged that little argument

593. on Gossip Girl.

594. 'We figured you'd try to pin the accident on someone else'

595. just like you did two years ago

596. when you left Serena in that car.

597. 'Did you really think I'd talk to you again?'

598. Never mind take your side against Nate's?

599. You're really gonna try to pin this on Maureen?

600. Oh, I'm not pinning anything. It was Maureen.

601. Why don't we go ask her ourselves?

602. We don't have to. She has an airtight alibi.

603. How do you know?

604. Because on the night of the accident she was with me

605. consulting with a divorce lawyer.

606. 'And as soon as she hears about this'

607. she's definitely gonna be through with you.

608. I have to say, an unexpected choice.

609. I'll get Blair.

610. Why don't you wait in the car?

611. I certainly hope you know what you're doing.

612. A priest in a bar? Kinky.

613. You have no idea.

614. Let's go this way. Now tell Beatrice I need air.

615. I'll be back in a minute.

616. Whoo. Whew.

617. Hey, bridey, you got a match?

618. Two.

619. And that's the problem.

620. Alright, well, hold this while I go find one.

621. Ooh.

622. Don't mind if I do.

623. 'Ooh, the strippers are here!'

624. Ooh. Whoo, whoo!

625. Excuse me, miss. Is that a joint in your mouth?

626. Well, hello, Officer... Weiner.

627. Why, yes, it is. Do you want some?

628. - Okay. - Oh, you're no fun.

629. Where did Beatrice find you?

630. No, shh. Just cut all small talk.

631. Let's find out if you really are New York's finest..

632. Oh! Is that a real gun?

633. - Okay. - Ow! What are you doing?

634. - Is this part of the act? - Hey, excuse me, officers, we..

635. - Back off, kid. - Okay.

636. No. No, no, no. D-don't you know who I am?

637. I'm going to be the princess of Monaco!

638. Yeah? And I'm the king of the sixth precinct.

639. I love you, New York!

640. Of course you'd be behind this.

641. Hey, where's Blair?

642. I'm just finishing the paperwork.

643. You royal bitch! You paid that girl to give me a joint

644. and tipped off the police that I was outside with it

645. because you wanted to humiliate me in the eyes of the world.

646. What's next? Photo-shopped nude pics?

647. A dead body in my bed?

648. Ooh, hey, she's-she's just making a point.

649. Blair, this was not Beatrice's fault.

650. - It was Chuck's. - Chuck's?

651. I shook his tail with a decoy plan, he's staking out a suite

652. at the St. Regis as we speak.

653. No, I saw him there with my own eyes.

654. Mabelle-soeur, may we speak privately?

655. Go ahead. I'll wait for your things.

656. How you doing?

657. Start at the beginning.

658. 'And don't leave anything out.'

659. The day of the accident, I met Max.

660. He followed you from Nate's office and offered to help me

661. 'in exchange for money.'

662. We'd just had that argument about the weekend.

663. Nate taking my place.

664. I was so angry, and so I paid him

665. to drain the brake fluid from the car.

666. Half before and the rest when it was done.

667. So that explains Gossip Girl's photo of Max at the Empire.

668. I met him outside the garage to give him the rest of the money.

669. He said he'd done it, and he took off.

670. But when I double-checked

671. it turns out that he played me.

672. - He took the money, and he ran. - So you did it yourself.

673. Look, I never meant for anything to happen to Blair.

674. Yeah, but you wouldn't have cared if I ended up

675. in a wheelchair or worse?

676. I never thought it would get that bad.

677. I thought you'd, I don't know, hit a parked car

678. 'get thrown around, get banged up.'

679. I wanted to ruin your weekend

680. not your life.

681. And I know what you think of me after what I did to Serena.

682. But when I saw you rising up at "The Spectator."

683. Well, we both know there's only a certain amount

684. of grandfather's love to go around.

685. He chose you.

686. And so I did the only thing I knew how to.

687. That's it? That's your answer?

688. What, not enough love?

689. I raised you to stand on your own two feet.

690. No.

691. You raised me to kneel before yours.

692. And now my life is over.

693. And that's exactly what you deserve.

694. Two years ago, you and I were the ones in the accident

695. 'and you left me hurt and alone'

696. 'and you got off scot-free.'

697. But that's not what's gonna happen this time.

698. This time, you are gonna pay for what you did.

699. And I'm gonna see to it.

700. Oh, Blair's been arrested.

701. Go. We've got it covered.

702. So you're telling me that when my face is on "Page Six"

703. tomorrow, I have nobody to blame but myself?

704. Yes, but don't be so sure about the story getting out.

705. Where did you get those?

706. I bought them off everyone outside the bar.

707. Did you get all of them?

708. If anyone talks, it'll be just a rumor.

709. No proof.

710. Oh, I've never been so happy for the demise of Gossip Girl.

711. But now... one last thing.

712. Oh.

713. Voila.

714. Trip's in the car.

715. Says he wants to tell the police himself.

716. I'm gonna take him down there now.

717. - Good. - I wanna thank you, Nathaniel.

718. For the way you handled things tonight.

719. And for never believing that I could have had anything

720. to do with this heinous crime.

721. Well, I'm glad your conscience is clear.

722. Wh-what is that supposed to mean?

723. You can't possibly blame me for what happened.

724. You've pitted us against each other our entire lives.

725. Everything is a competition, and the prize is your approval.

726. It's the great Van Der Bilt tradition.

727. Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way about your own family.

728. And might I remind you that Diana Payne would never

729. have given you that job at "The Spectator"

730. if I hadn't paid her to.

731. You really think you can make it on your own?

732. I don't know.

733. But it's the only way it'll mean anything.

734. I've set up some meetings with investors.

735. They'll be making you an offer.

736. Hey, where is she? What happened?

737. Oh, she's fine. They're not pressing charges.

738. Oh, thank God. You would not believe what I just came from.

739. Look, Serena, while we're alone, there's something

740. I need to say to you.

741. Are you... fake-breaking up with me?

742. You know how guys say, "It's not you. It's me?"

743. Well, in this case, it's-it's my book.

744. Well, don't worry, you haven't hurt my fake feelings.

745. I would never wanna get in the way of your career.

746. There you are! Oh! Is everything okay?

747. Were you worried about little ol' me?

748. B, you smell like a distillery.

749. I had shots. They were fun!

750. The first ten, anyway.

751. Oh, well, I'm sorry I missed the excitement.

752. Oh, I had someone to watch over me.

753. I'm sorry.

754. She's so nice.

755. - Where's Blair? - With me.

756. Can you get her to Chuck's hotel?

757. No. The plan is finished. It's over.

758. - And so are we. - Beatrice, wait.

759. I don't want to play these games to hurt people.

760. I only want you, but you're never going to

761. leave the church for me. We both know it.

762. I'm just the only one brave enough to say it out loud.

763. - 'Hey.' - 'Hey.'

764. 'I wanted you to know'

765. 'Blair made it home safely'

766. 'I just tucked her in'

767. 'and she is out like a light.'

768. No surprise there.

769. I never thought I'd see the day

770. when Blair Waldorf ate a tequila worm.

771. Yeah, I never thought I would read something

772. written by Serena Van Der Woodsen

773. that made me laugh out loud, and even more impressive

774. there were no witnesses, so I will deny it

775. if asked publicly, but, uh, there may have been a lump

776. in my throat.

777. Really? A lump?

778. Don't gloat, but seriously, I mean, it's-it's

779. surprisingly real for something that's supposedly fake.

780. Well, not all fake.

781. No, I know. We-we dated for years

782. so of course, there's history there.

783. Yeah. But..

784. But what?

785. It, I don't, just..

786. Whatever. Have a good night, okay?

787. No, what is it? Tell me.

788. We're Dan and Serena. You can tell me anything.

789. It must be true, 'cause I read that online.

790. I-I have to go. Bye.

791. Chuck, you need to leave now.

792. I don't know what it is you think I did tonight.

793. But all I care about is her.

794. Blair's asleep, okay?

795. And even if she wasn't, she- she wouldn't

796. wanna see you anyway.

797. Tell her I came by.

798. And that I'm not done.

799. That's one thing I learned from Blair.

800. You don't give up on the people you love.

801. Rise and shine, jailbird. I made you French press.

802. Oh, no, no, please, please.

803. I beg you, no light.

804. Here. You want your coffee?

805. Uh, stop spinning.

806. What are those?

807. Louis' wedding vows.

808. I found them hidden in my desk last night

809. and I was drunk enough to allow myself a minor

810. ethical transgression.

811. 'Blair!'

812. Okay, how were they?

813. It's like he peered into my soul.

814. I know Louis loves me, but sometimes

815. I wonder if he understands me.

816. But... reading this is exactly

817. what I needed to go into our wedding

818. be sure of my choice.

819. Mm. Can I be a little jealous?

820. You may.

821. I-I can't wait for you to hear them on Saturday

822. and you don't have to keep up the charade

823. with Humphrey for me any longer.

824. Louis and I are in a good place now.

825. Yeah, well, I'm glad everything

826. worked out like it should have.

827. I'm gonna go into the office now, take down my column.

828. It'll help Dan.

829. You ready?

830. Ready for what?

831. No!

832. Miss me, Upper East Siders?

833. Have you been asking yourselves if you're better off now

834. than you were two months ago?

835. 'You've made a grave mistake, Beatrice.'

836. You forget I still have your mother's ear.

837. And she had no trouble believing you were still trying

838. to ruin your brother's wedding.

839. So when I suggested you might benefit from some

840. missionary work in East Africa, she agreed.

841. I'll tell my mother we slept together. You'll be defrocked.

842. And whose word do you think she will accept?

843. Her scheming daughter

844. or her loyal, loving priest?

845. You might be able to get rid of me

846. but you won't be able to stop the wedding.

847. Which is why I have found someone far better equipped

848. to assist me in my cause.

849. That's probably your mother now.

850. Bon voyage.

851. - Hey. - Hey, can you meet for lunch?

852. Well, I'm kind of on a roll here. What's up?

853. Uh, well, I actually talked to Blair this morning and she

854. she wants us to stay together until the wedding.

855. Just so Louis doesn't suspect anything.

856. Would you hate that?

857. Uh..

858. I mean, no. No, that's fine.

859. But only until the wedding, right?

860. Yeah. Yeah, no, of course.

861. You know, um, but we should probably still go out

862. to keep appearances up.

863. Uh, sure. Coffee?

864. I don't know, I was thinking, you know, dinner could be better

865. or-or maybe a movie?

866. Yeah, that's fine by me.

867. I'll-I'll call you later.

868. Trapped under the weight of a false accusation

869. I've done a lot of thinking about the kind of girl

870. I want to be from now on.

871. I'd like to be the kind who does what she says

872. she'sgoing to do.

873. Thank you.

874. Mr. Bass, welcome. Right on time.

875. I have no interest in niceties. Just tell me what you know.

876. I know what is in Blair Waldorf's heart.

877. And if you don't want this wedding to happen..

878. together, we can make sure it doesn't.

879. She already thinks I'm a villain.

880. I may as well become one.

881. You know what they say, talk is cheap.

882. So if you don't have anything nice to say

883. maybe you should just shut your mouth.

884. X-O-X-O, Gossip Girl.