Gossip Girl 4x5

1. Gossip Girl here, your one and only source

2. into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

3. I get into Columbia.

4. What if Columbia's a disaster

5. and we lose each other for good?

6. And what if it's amazing

7. and we become closer than we've ever been?

8. I'm not seeing anybody else

9. nor do I want to if-if you don't.

10. - Last night— - Don't even finish those words.

11. Unless, unless they end with was a mistake.

12. Ben's my brother. He takes a lot of time and energy.

13. - How are things going? - The guys were easy.

14. But the girls are presenting

15. a little bit more of a challenge.

16. I know what you did, Blair. It's despicable even for you.

17. Do you hate me so much you can't stand to see me happy?

18. No.

19. So why did you drive the person

20. I care most about out of town?

21. You just brought back my worst self.

22. Where has she been, Serena? And who am I?

23. That's a secret I'll never tell.

24. You know you love me.

25. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

26. Morning on the Upper East Side

27. where even our own blond birdie has been spotted

28. flying the coop early to make it to her morning classes.

29. Leave it to Serena van der Woodsen

30. to make geek chic.

31. Who knew Ivy would look so good on her?

32. Hey! Hey, hey! Are you kidding me?

33. - Hey, you again. - Yes, me again.

34. Getting my cab taken by you again.

35. Nice bag. I like it better than the one you had the other day.

36. Thank you. It's supposed to be at class with me.

37. I can't be late again, so if you don't mind.

38. Sorry, she had an audition. Something..

39. I think a talking dog was involved.

40. Yeah, I know the feeling.

41. Why don't you let me make it up to you?

42. Buy you a drink sometime?

43. Are you seriously hitting on me

44. while still holding your date's shoes?

45. Well, if you change your mind, the King Cole Bar

46. is the only place in town that still makes a red snapper.

47. You look like you're about a size eight?

48. Taxi!

49. Indra Nooyi, Ann Moore, Andrea Jung.

50. Why are these all businesswomen?

51. We color-coded for easy reference.

52. Businesswomen are in green.

53. Women in academia are in blue.

54. Politics and government in red

55. with a subsection on royalty and dictators.

56. Ooh, files. What's going on?

57. Researchingwomen of power

58. so I can better forge my path to become one.

59. Sarah Louise Palin?

60. Do you even want to be a minion?

61. B, uh, can I talk to you for a minute? I need advice.

62. Yes. Five paces behind for privacy.

63. - Ten for you. - What?

64. How are you? I've barely seen you all week.

65. Uh, I've been great.

66. You know, with Dan and Nate behind me

67. I really feel like I can bury the old me and start anew.

68. May you rest in peace.

69. The only problem is I've been late

70. for my English lit class a few times

71. 'and lates count as absences, which is ten—'

72. Oh, if only there were a device of some kind to keep the time.

73. S, listen to me.

74. College professors have a God complex

75. so just meet with him and say you're sorry.

76. The simplest way to turn an enemy into a friend

77. is to seek their counsel.

78. Who taught you that? One of your Asian "Art Of War" gurus?

79. Martha Chamberlin, she's guest lecturing

80. a series called the psychology of business.

81. I'm heading to the registrar's to sign up.

82. Oh, I love her.

83. B, how do you do it?

84. Chuck declares war

85. and you simply up your class load.

86. The more time I spend on campus, the safer I am.

87. Chuck is allergic to education and bettering himself.

88. Well, I'm not, so if I'm gonna work on my new self

89. I should head to the library.

90. Sign me up for Martha's class. We'll go together.

91. 'Your guitar tuner? Really?'

92. You have the worst poker face ever.

93. Okay, fine, Dan hasn't been returning my calls

94. and I wanted to make sure everything was okay

95. with you guys.

96. Everything is better than okay.

97. Dan and I had a marathon talk.

98. Everything that we haven't dealt with, including Serena.

99. And from now on, there's no more secrets or surprises.

100. Well, that's great, uh..

101. I never doubted you guys for a second.

102. Seriously?

103. You need to practice in the mirror or something.

104. I don't know how they let you live on the Upper East Side.

105. Oh, it's great you and Vanessa sorted everything out.

106. You know, we should double.

107. Juliet and I are going to this faculty and friends mixer

108. tomorrow night at the Hamilton House. You guys wanna come?

109. Mm, no.

110. There's free appetizers, Humphrey.

111. Oh, okay, fine. You wanna go see a movie afterwards?

112. - No can do. - Oh, come on.

113. It doesn't even have to have subtitles.

114. That sounds great.

115. No, Juliet and I have this nice

116. little evening planned after the mixer.

117. I got some champagne, new Matteo sheets.

118. And I'm hoping some recently purchased lingerie.

119. It's for her, right?

120. Wait a second. I'm sorry. You guys haven't, uh—

121. No, I haven't. No.

122. I did the spend the night at her place, but I took

123. a page from the old Humphrey playbook

124. and we just talked and played scrabble.

125. That's nice. Thanks.

126. By the way, thank you for, uh, inviting me today

127. you know, after everything that's happened between us.

128. Yeah, yeah. I missed you too.

129. No hugs. You're not getting a hug.

130. - Not one? - 'Not one.'

131. I'm sorry I didn't visit last week.

132. Things are really ramping up at school.

133. The good news is that Serena is now isolated

134. from both Dan and Nate.

135. What about Blair?

136. Blair will get distracted eventually.

137. Oh, come on, it was only a few weeks ago

138. I went after Serena at Hamilton House.

139. If I get caught trying to get her expelled, it's over.

140. Not if you have a fall guy.

141. Maybe..

142. someone with pretty blue eyes

143. and a history with Serena?

144. Have you been spying on me?

145. Oh, spying implies a lack of trust

146. and I know that I can trust you.

147. I'm only dating Nate to stay in Serena's orbit.

148. Good... because we agreed that we would not stop

149. until Serena was left with nothing

150. just like I was.

151. And the next thing to take from her is Columbia.

152. Seeing as how you're in with these people

153. it shouldn't be too hard, right?

154. I know what to do.

155. There you are, where do I sign up

156. for Miss Chamberlin's lecture series?

157. Mm.

158. What are you doing here?

159. Go, Lions.

160. No. That's impossible, even for you.

161. The dean's extended me the courtesy

162. of auditing a few classes.

163. We felt it was important I get a feel of campus life

164. before breaking ground on the new..

165. Bart Bass Memorial Rotunda.

166. - What? - It's a building.

167. With a circular ground plan usually covered by a dome.

168. I know what a rotunda is. You can't be here.

169. Columbia is mine. What do you want?

170. Funny, last time we spoke, I thought I was crystal clear.

171. You took away what I cared about most.

172. To return the favor..

173. I'm going to take Columbia away from you.

174. Come back later and sign me and Serena up for Martha's class.

175. But do it quietly. I don't want Chuck to know.

176. Go.

177. This just in.

178. Looks like you can take the girl out of the party

179. but not the party out of the girl.

180. Rumor has it our favorite blond

181. could be spreading more than just good cheer.

182. And if it's true, then there's a test out there

183. a few of you might not be able to pass.

184. Does SVW have an STD?

185. I mean, who would lie to Gossip Girl like that?

186. Do you really want a list because

187. I don't know if I have that kind of time.

188. A good scandal is one thing

189. but even Gossip Girl likes to keep things

190. classy and somewhat true.

191. I just wanted to focus on school.

192. Well, don't let this stop you.

193. Without someone confirming the rumor, it'll blow over by lunch.

194. And just keep doing what you're doing.

195. Hold your head high. This is our school.

196. We were here first. Damn him to hell.

197. Why do I get the feeling your pep talk

198. is not entirely meant for me?

199. Chuck is here... at Columbia.

200. Wow. He's bringing the battle to campus?

201. Yes. Well, I already have a battle plan.

202. I found out that Martha Chamberlin

203. takes a student assistant when she lectures.

204. That position will be my own private island

205. against the storm that is Chuck Bass.

206. If you're not gonna let a disease like Chuck deter you

207. what leg do I have to stand on?

208. I'm gonna go plant myself in the quad

209. act like I don't have a care in the world

210. and e-mail my professor to see when he can meet.

211. Okay, it says here that you both slept with Serena and Vanessa

212. and that Vanessa also slept with Chuck who slept with Blair?

213. - All that's on Gossip Girl? - Yeah.

214. She made a chart actually, which I have to say is very helpful.

215. Oh, God.

216. - Can we talk? - Yeah.

217. Thank you for meeting me before your game.

218. I just, I thought that we should talk about this..

219. before we spend our first night together.

220. You know it's just a rumor. It's not true.

221. And even if it was, I haven't slept with Serena

222. since, like, last spring.

223. So?

224. So I think I would, you know, know.

225. Nate, symptoms can be dormant for months

226. or not even appear at all. You could still be a carrier.

227. - What? - I'm a girl.

228. I... paid attention in health class.

229. So you want me to get tested?

230. I mean, I'm not worried, but if it makes you feel better

231. I'll swing by the health clinic after the game.

232. Thank you.

233. And I promise you, when you see the outfit

234. I bought for tomorrow night..

235. it'll be well worth it.

236. Vanessa, like I told you on the phone

237. I'm sure it's totally false.

238. And-and what business is it of yours anyway?

239. You and I both got tested when we first started

240. sleeping together. You remember that?

241. I sure do and I have not been with anyone else since.

242. Dan, Serena was sleeping in your bed and wearing your T-shirt.

243. If something else happened, I need to know.

244. Nothing else happened.

245. W-what-what happened to our big talk?

246. 'Cause honestly, I don't know if I can have

247. this same conversation one more time.

248. I'm sorry. You're right.

249. It's just the blast freaked me out.

250. It's okay. I promise.

251. I promise you have nothing to worry about.

252. Alright? I'll call you after the game.

253. 'Serena, hi.'

254. - How are you? - Great. Why wouldn't I be?

255. If you're referring to the unconfirmed vicious rumor

256. on Gossip Girl, you wouldn't have anything

257. to do with that, would you?

258. No.

259. Look, I just came over here to tell you

260. the way our English lit professor called you out

261. in front of the entire class, you didn't deserve that.

262. And if there's anything that I can do..

263. No, I already e-mailed him.

264. I'm hoping to talk with him myself tomorrow.

265. Good.

266. Well, anyhow..

267. I really didn't have anything to do with that blast.

268. Believe me, it's the last thing I would've wanted.

269. What do you mean?

270. Nate sort of freaked when he saw it.

271. Freaked how? He doesn't believe it.

272. - Thanks for coming with me. - No problem.

273. I shouldn't have told you about the cotton swab thing.

274. That was insensitive, but, you know, just think about how

275. happy you'll be with a clean bill of health tomorrow, right?

276. - Yeah, yeah— - What the hell are you doing?

277. And you? It's been what, two years?

278. I'm a wingman.

279. You wanna go sign me in and I'll see you in there in a minute?

280. - Yeah, I'll step away now. - Alright, cool.

281. Nate, I know all about your summer of love

282. from Chuck's little black book and honestly, for your sake

283. I hope you do get tested, but if you do it today

284. people will just think that you believe the blast.

285. You'll be confirming the rumor. Please.

286. Please just wait a few days or go somewhere else.

287. Serena, uh, there's someone else I need to do this for, okay?

288. And right now, she's my priority, not you.

289. Miss Chamberlin's largest client to date?

290. National Rifle Association.

291. She created the Mama Bears Campaign

292. increased female membership by a third.

293. And the cherry pie?

294. Her first major success was branding

295. a cherry pie recipe for "Better Homes And Gardens."

296. How do you get from "Better Homes and Gardens" to the NRA?

297. It's a short trip, believe me.

298. Miss Chamberlin? I'm Blair Waldorf.

299. I'll be in your psychology of business class.

300. Well, nice to meet you. I'm not having office hours yet—

301. Actually, I was hoping we could discuss the assistant position.

302. I'm a big fan.

303. Unfortunately, the position has been filled.

304. By who?

305. Miss Chamberlin, whatever Mr. Bass has told you

306. I assure you, he has no interest in your class

307. or any idea who you even are.

308. Thank you?

309. On the contrary, once I decided

310. to rebrand the Empire

311. there was only one name on my list.

312. We can talk more as I walk you to your limo.

313. Thank you. Good day, Miss Waldorf.

314. If you have any questions regarding the class

315. 'Mr. Bass will answer them.'

316. Actually, it turns out

317. Miss Chamberlin's class is over-enrolled.

318. You didn't make the cut. Sorry.

319. Mmm. I almost forgot how much I used to enjoy your pie.

320. Better batten down the hatches, B.

321. Looks like your island in the storm

322. was just hit by a Bass five hurricane.

323. - Where are you off to? - Uh, campus.

324. My professor agreed to meet with me during office hours.

325. Oh, good for you. We can't let the men of our past define us.

326. They want us to lash out, lower ourselves to their level.

327. But it is our job to remain civilized.

328. So you're gonna let Chuck have the assistant position then?

329. I said civilized, not lobotomized.

330. Oh, Miss Chamberlin. So good of you to come.

331. Earl Grey, if I'm not mistaken?

332. - What is going on? - Oh, it's better not to know.

333. Plausible deniability.

334. Miss Waldorf, the only reason I agreed to meet with you

335. is because your mother and I have crossed paths on occasion

336. and I felt it a professional courtesy.

337. Oh, did you know that my mother remarried?

338. - Amazing man. - Your point?

339. I was sorry to hear about your unfortunate divorce

340. a few years ago.

341. - I beg your pardon? - Oh, boy.

342. You and I both know that power is the greatest aphrodisiac

343. except, of course, when women have it.

344. Your ex-husband, for example. I mean, the nanny?

345. - How cliche. - I'm listening.

346. My stepfather has surrounded himself with people

347. who are not intimidated by a woman's success.

348. One of the partners at his firm is exceptionally attractive.

349. And I don't mean to sound forward

350. but I'd love to introduce you

351. at the Hamilton House party tonight.

352. Well, I was going to be at the party anyway, so—

353. Well, then I'll make the call.

354. That is, of course, if the assistant position

355. is still available.

356. Let's just say that nothing is set in stone.

357. Hmm. I'm sorry. Did you say scone?

358. No! No, no, no, no!

359. I don't care how late she is for her audition.

360. Flight attendant. So quick to judge. How's school going?

361. Terrible, which is why I can't be late.

362. You know, if it helps, I could get you a copy

363. of my schedule, so we can stop doing this.

364. - Come on— - Why would we wanna do that?

365. You put a different girl into a cab everyday.

366. If you think I would ever be one of them

367. you're out of your mind.

368. I think nothing of the sort.

369. In fact, I leave at this time on purpose

370. hoping to get to see you.

371. Good, then I'm taking the cab. Scoot over.

372. Hey, what are you doing here?

373. Hey, uh, Lily's not around, right?

374. Uh, she and Eric are visiting colleges. It's just us. Why?

375. Okay, well, there-there is a rumor going around

376. that Serena has, um..

377. She has, she has something.

378. - Has something? - Yeah.

379. Please get there faster.

380. Oh! Y-you mean..

381. - Oh. Oh, boy. - Yeah, yeah.

382. It's not true, but there was a picture of me

383. with Nate yesterday at the health center

384. so now I'm pretty sure Vanessa thinks that something

385. more than a kiss happened between me and Serena.

386. - Well, did it? - No, no.

387. And I've told her that a hundred times

388. but she slept in the other room last night

389. and when I woke up, she wasn't there. What?

390. I mean, I thought you'd be glad that I was sharing with you.

391. I am, I am, but you're not gonna like what I have to say.

392. Serena is a formidable woman

393. and what you guys shared was a big love.

394. You can't blame Vanessa for being insecure.

395. So if you wanna be with her, you need to show her

396. that she doesn't have anything to be worried about.

397. I've told her that

398. but I'm not gonna stop talking to Serena

399. cut her out of my life.

400. All I'm saying is at least for right now

401. Vanessa needs to know that she's the only one you care about.

402. - I need to talk to you. - Oh, I'm in a hurry.

403. Now is not a good time.

404. You need to tell me what happened

405. between you and Dan that night.

406. Isn't that a conversation

407. you should be having with him?

408. I did, but I can't trust him

409. when it comes to you.

410. What's that supposed to mean?

411. Let's just say it wouldn't be the first time

412. a guy had lied to his girlfriend

413. to cover up a night spent with you.

414. You know, Vanessa, you always wanna believe

415. the worst in people.

416. - Why change now? - Exactly.

417. Glad to see you took me up on my offer.

418. I hope you like my signature martinis.

419. I'm tired of making dossiers and carrying cherry pies.

420. This would be good practice if I ever decide

421. to take Blair down myself.

422. Well, don't get ahead of yourself

423. but I appreciate the enthusiasm.

424. What did you find out?

425. Hi.

426. I just got your text. What's up?

427. Yeah, I just found out that test results could take

428. three or four days to get back.

429. - Wow. - 'Yeah.'

430. Three or four days.

431. I can't believe our night's being derailed by this.

432. Unless..

433. there's another way that we can know for sure.

434. I mean, Serena must have talked or e-mailed someone

435. about whether the rumors were true or not.

436. I guess I could talk to Blair.

437. Yeah.

438. She'd probably take the Fifth.

439. Mmm.

440. How else are we gonna find out?

441. No, forget it.

442. I just think the anticipation is making me crazy.

443. Well, I'm gonna go home.

444. We should both get ready

445. and I am gonna start by taking a cold shower.

446. Bye.

447. - I think we're ready. - 'You think?'

448. Oh, I can't just come out

449. and ask him to steal Serena's phone.

450. But trust me, he's right where we need him to be.

451. Good. If anything goes wrong, it'll be on him.

452. Right. Just like we planned.

453. I have to go.

454. Vanessa, what are you doing up here?

455. I think Dan and Serena slept together last spring

456. when we were still going out.

457. Oh, my God.

458. - Are you sure? - No.

459. That's the problem. They both deny it.

460. I'm sorry to unload on you like this.

461. I'm just.. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

462. Well, then you have to find out for sure.

463. How?

464. I think I might have an idea.

465. That is, of course, if you're up for it.

466. Yeah, right now, I'm up for anything, believe me.

467. Then call Dan, tell him that you wanna talk

468. and we'll meet him and Nate at Hamilton House tonight.

469. - Are you sure? - Trust me.

470. Things have a way of working out when you least expect it.

471. - Where have you been? - I know I'm late again.

472. So I take it the meeting with your professor did not go well.

473. It didn't go at all. I didn't make it.

474. You know there's a clock on your cell phone, right?

475. Yes, yes, but it wasn't my fault, but I e-mailed him

476. and begged for five minutes of his time tonight.

477. Then we settle all Columbia business tonight.

478. And it just so happens that Miss Chamberlin—

479. B, can I just wish you good luck

480. and take plausible deniability on this one?

481. Luck not needed, but right back at ya.

482. You're a natural.

483. I said Serena forgot something.

484. One smile at the coat check guy and he handed it right over.

485. Now check her e-mail.

486. If Serena and Dan slept together

487. there's bound to be a message about the rumor.

488. This feels very wrong.

489. It's the only way you'll know for sure.

490. There's an e-mail from Dan a few hours ago.

491. 'What?'

492. "If Vanessa thinks something more than a kiss

493. "happened between us and even though it didn't

494. "I need to show her I'm willing to do

495. whatever it takes to make things work."

496. Well, now you have your answer.

497. We have to put this back right now.

498. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

499. My boyfriend dated her too.

500. You're not the only one with Serena insecurity.

501. Okay, well, then hurry up.

502. Shoot. I think someone's coming.

503. Coast is clear. Well?

504. Nothing, thank God. Come on, let's get out of here.

505. Okay, wait. I told Dan that I needed to talk.

506. What-what do I say now?

507. He's a guy. Do you think he really wants to talk?

508. Just... take him home

509. and show him you're ready to move on.

510. Twice if necessary.

511. Thank you.

512. Nate's a lucky guy.

513. You guys make a really good couple.

514. Yeah, we do... don't we?

515. Pardon the interruption, but you have an important call.

516. - I'm Blair Waldorf. - Hello.

517. I'm Miss Chamberlin's new assistant.

518. Confident, I see.

519. When destiny calls, always.

520. Especially when it arrives right on time.

521. Nothing says soul mate like punctuality.

522. Hey, Vanessa.

523. Dan. Nate, um, Juliet's looking for you.

524. Thank you.

525. Hey.

526. - Hey. What's going on? - What do you mean?

527. I just mean, like, why are you, why are you smiling so much?

528. I'm just, I'm-I'm glad to see you.

529. I thought, I thought you were mad at me.

530. I'm-I'm confused here.

531. Okay, wait a second. Now-now, now I'm really confused.

532. You-you said we needed to talk.

533. We already did. I just.. I wasn't listening.

534. What do you say we get out of here?

535. And I'll show you how much we don't need to talk.

536. I don't know. I mean, ah!

537. I'm pretty stubborn. It might take all night.

538. Well, then I guess you'll need your strength.

539. Let's load up on free appetizers before we leave.

540. Hamilton House is where dreams come true.

541. On that we agree.

542. - There. Shall we? - Beautiful scarf.

543. Oh, well, as we work together you'll come to find that

544. your tastes are my tastes.

545. Guess who.

546. Sam, hi.

547. I must say, Blair did not do you justice.

548. I know the feeling.

549. You thought this was my special someone?

550. No.

551. - I mean, unless.. - What?

552. Since I'm a powerful, career-driven woman

553. who intimidates men, I must be a lesbian?

554. No, this was not the date I set up.

555. He was an intellectual property lawyer

556. who does pro bono work helping kids sue Hollywood

557. for stealing their Twitter ideas.

558. Then I suggest you see if he needs an assistant.

559. 'My class is full... forever.'

560. Great scarf, by the way.

561. Dean Reuther, Serena Van Der Woodsen.

562. Professor Lawford..

563. I'm so sorry I didn't make our meeting this morning

564. but as I mentioned in my e-mail, I'm hoping to impress upon you

565. upon both of you that I'm willing to do

566. whatever it takes to succeed at this school.

567. Yes, the e-mail that you sent to Professor Lawford

568. makes that pretty clear.

569. I'm sorry?

570. 'Perhaps we should have this'

571. conversation in private.

572. And what conversation would that be?

573. The one regarding your e-mail that offers sex for grades.

574. What?

575. I-I-I didn't do that. I would never do that.

576. This is your e-mail address, is it not?

577. Yes, but I, I didn't send this.

578. Miss Van der Woodsen, obviously we pay no mind

579. to childish rumors that circulate all college campuses

580. but this e-mail is extremely serious.

581. The consequence of sending it, I'm afraid, is expulsion.

582. Expulsion?

583. Spotted, Serena van der Woodsen

584. looking like she's hot for teacher.

585. That's the thing about a good gaslight.

586. With enough smoke, who cares if there's really a fire?

587. Did you send that e-mail, the one that came

588. from Serena's phone offering sex to her professor?

589. What? Why would I do that?

590. If you ask me, it sounds like an idea

591. that Serena would get all on her own.

592. I don't think she would do that.

593. I'm gonna tell her we had her phone.

594. Wait. Don't.

595. Maybe if we had access to it, then somebody else did as well.

596. I didn't send that e-mail.

597. But if you tell her that we took her phone

598. she is gonna blame us and I could get expelled.

599. And so could she.

600. If you didn't send it, then you have nothing to worry about.

601. - Where is Martha's date? - Penthouse suite at the Empire.

602. With a woman that I assure you he won't wanna leave

603. until morning, maybe afternoon, depends on his cardio.

604. I was going to play nice.

605. You think I don't have a plan B?

606. Plan B?

607. What could be more cunning

608. and devious than date night?

609. I had Dorota get chummy with Martha's maid

610. who came over from one of her sweatshops in the Philippines.

611. If I have to, I'll blackmail her for the position.

612. An illegal maid scandal?

613. Nobody's cared about those in years.

614. And a lesbian switcheroo

615. doesn't make you blackwater.

616. The switcheroo was for fun.

617. The IRS agent standing by

618. to crawl up Martha's audit is not.

619. A tax fraud setup?

620. They give away girl scout badges for that.

621. I have her prenup. It has details.

622. I have the nanny. She has pictures.

623. Martha's ex is in them, so is Martha.

624. It turns out it was a threesome

625. until the nanny turned it into a twosome.

626. Oh, my God!

627. You students are psychotic.

628. I have better things to do with my time.

629. 'Tell the dean I quit.'

630. Shame.

631. Sounded like a great class.

632. If you'll excuse me, I've heard good things

633. about the make-your-own-pizza bar.

634. My phone isn't in here.

635. Whoever stole it must have been

636. the person that sent the e-mail.

637. A missing cell phone is hardly proof.

638. I'll see you in my office on Monday

639. and we'll talk about what's next.

640. Goodnight, Jim.

641. Please don't do this. You don't go to Columbia.

642. They can't do anything to you.

643. I'm sorry, but it's the right thing to do.

644. Wait.

645. Serena.

646. Call your phone.

647. 'Maybe the person who stole it might still be here.'

648. Hey. Hey, what's going on?

649. Vanessa stole my phone and sent an e-mail to my professor.

650. - That-that's crazy. - Really?

651. - Do you wanna answer that? - I'll speak with you later.

652. - I can explain. - You took Serena's phone?

653. She thinks we slept together.

654. Wait, you were the one behind the Gossip Girl rumor.

655. What? No!

656. I-I know how this looks, but I did not send out that e-mail.

657. Juliet did, she's the one who wanted

658. 'to steal your phone in the first place.'

659. What? Are you kidding me?

660. There is no way that I'm getting dragged into this.

661. I wasn't gonna say anything, but Vanessa came to me today.

662. She asked me to help her get revenge and I told her no.

663. - That is a lie! - No, it's not.

664. Juliet told me before the party.

665. She was hoping to talk to Vanessa and calm her down

666. but... I'm sorry, man.

667. Wait, is-is that why you were so happy earlier

668. and you wanted to get out of here?

669. Yeah, with my phone, so that she could get rid

670. of the evidence and make sure I was expelled.

671. I did not do this.

672. After everything we've been through

673. I'm asking you to please believe me.

674. I don't know what to believe right now.

675. - Vanessa— - Don't!

676. I'm sorry, okay?

677. I-I wanted to be friends

678. but what did you expect me to do?

679. I had to protect myself.

680. You're right. You do.

681. Poor V.

682. Didn't she know that in love and war

683. a friend in need is willing to do most any deed?

684. I believe you didn't send that e-mail

685. but I can't ignore the level of drama

686. that has followed you to my campus

687. and grown even louder since you arrived.

688. Meaning?

689. Women of my generation had to fight

690. for every opportunity

691. and to be taken seriously.

692. And your attitude, Miss Van der Woodsen

693. makes a mockery of that.

694. If I were you, I would rethink my priorities.

695. Goodnight.

696. Miss Waldorf, I have my eye on you as well.

697. Plausible deniability was a good call.

698. And speaking of denials, you've been cleared

699. in the court of public opinion.

700. Gossip Girl sent out an official retraction

701. and personal apology to you about the rumor.

702. Not to mention, she said whatever person sent it

703. is now on her hit list.

704. - Yeah, well, it was Vanessa. - Vanessa?

705. Yeah, well, Gossip Girl's scorn will only increase

706. her social standing.

707. How did you figure it out?

708. Uh, ironically, it was Juliet who I have to thank for that.

709. If you'll excuse me.

710. I was just telling Blair I have you to thank

711. for clearing my name.

712. I know we got off on the wrong foot, but..

713. it's just because I was jealous..

714. of how much you meant to Nate

715. and I'm sorry.

716. Well, boys will do it almost every time.

717. Now if they weren't so darn cute.

718. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?

719. Yeah.

720. Do you maybe wanna

721. grab a drink with us?

722. Uh, no, I actually just wanna get out of here.

723. - I'll see you in class. - Yeah.

724. Don't be late.

725. 'What are you still doing here?'

726. I lost the assistant position, the entire faculty thinks

727. I'm just as crazy as you. You've made your point.

728. Can't you take your little celebration elsewhere?

729. If you think I'd take tonight as some sort of balancing

730. of the scales, I don't.

731. I'm not trying to make a point, Blair.

732. This is just a warm-up.

733. Whatever you want, wherever you want it

734. I'm going to be there to take it away from you.

735. I won't stop until you have nothing.

736. You wouldn't go that far.

737. Who knows my limits since you took away my future?

738. That wasn't your future.

739. That was Henry Prince's.

740. Destroying me won't make you happy.

741. Happier.

742. The only thing that will make you happy

743. you lost the moment you slept with Jenny Humphrey.

744. And that was the best thing that ever happened to me because..

745. I got over you forever.

746. If that's the truth, then why haven't you told

747. anyone about Jenny?

748. Not your family, not your minions.

749. Not Gossip Girl.

750. I know you're not keeping that secret to protect me.

751. You wouldn't.

752. That revelation would result in mutual destruction.

753. You may be homicidal, but you're not suicidal.

754. A man with nothing to live for..

755. is capable of anything.

756. I'm gonna stay with my parents for a little while.

757. That's-that's probably a good idea.

758. I think I could use some time alone too.

759. Dan, it's really important to me that you know

760. I didn't start any rumors

761. or send out that e-mail.

762. I, I believe you, I think

763. but it doesn't change the fact that..

764. you didn't believe me.

765. I know that now.

766. It's just too bad that it took losing you to figure it out.

767. The red snapper. Excellent choice.

768. What do you think?

769. I think it's a bloody Mary

770. with an inferiority complex.

771. Fair enough.

772. So..

773. drinking alone, are we?

774. You've made it pretty clear you're out of my league.

775. What do you have to lose by answering?

776. I prefer not to encourage this kind of behavior.

777. I'll tell you what.

778. One drink, one question.

779. Tell me why you're drinking alone

780. and I'll tell you anything you want.

781. I thought I could start over

782. but it turns out college is just high school

783. with more expensive books.

784. There's no starting over.

785. No matter where I go, whatever I do..

786. my past seems to follow me.

787. So what about you?

788. Why are you with a different girl every night?

789. Because I stopped apologizing for my past a long time ago.

790. Does that really work?

791. Does that actually make you happy?

792. It did.

793. The law of affinity refers

794. to unlikely compositions forming a bond

795. through a purely chemical reaction.

796. 'Why didn't you stick to the plan?'

797. Like I said the first time, I thought

798. Vanessa was the better option.

799. Well, she wasn't. Serena didn't get expelled.

800. But now I'm in with Serena and I can become her confidante

801. and find something even bigger to take her down with.

802. Good, 'cause now you have no choice.

803. And I'd better not find out that this was about protecting Nate.

804. 'If you're falling for him..'

805. I'm not. I swear.

806. I guess I have to trust you.

807. Yeah, I guess you do.

808. But even the strongest bonds have their limits.

809. And when broken..

810. You sure about this?

811. Mm-hmm.

812. Now that we know Vanessa was behind the rumors..

813. absolutely.

814. that if left unchecked..

815. explode like a nuclear bomb.

816. Veronica, do you still work with Tim Gunn?

817. I need to get an interview for someone

818. who will be applying to Parsons.

819. Perfect.

820. Yeah, her name's Jenny Humphrey.

821. Thanks.

822. Waiting for the fallout.

823. XOXO, Gossip G.