Gossip Girl 4x18

1. Gossip Girl here, your one and only source

2. into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

3. Guess the Archibald charm wasn't as rusty as you thought.

4. Unlike the knife in my back.

5. I like Raina, alright? And she likes me.

6. Because of your father, my wife is dead.

7. No one knows the truth, not even Raina.

8. Blair, we kept us a secret

9. 'cause we were afraid there was something more.

10. You need to go back to Brooklyn.

11. Not until I know that there is nothing between us.

12. The only mistake was mine

13. when I forged Serena's signature.

14. He signs over the company right now

15. or you're going to jail.

16. But not because of you or anyone else.

17. I called the DA ten minutes ago.

18. Once I go on record with the truth

19. no one can hold this against us anymore.

20. I don't think Lily quite realizes what she's in for.

21. Time to circle the wagons, Rufus.

22. Where has she been, Serena? And who am I?

23. That's a secret I'll never tell.

24. You know you love me.

25. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

26. The Van der Woodsen family is no stranger to the tabloids.

27. But this time, it appears the mother of all scandals

28. surrounds the mother.

29. 'Sources say that Lily Humphrey'

30. 'could be facing up to ten years in prison'

31. 'for forgery and obstruction of justice.'

32. 'Turn that off.'

33. And leave me alone, Dorota. I've taken to my bed.

34. I thought hearing someone has life

35. worse than yours would help.

36. Well, your job isn't to think, it's to serve.

37. So if I need your help, I'll ring the bell.

38. Will Lily Humphrey end up behind bars?

39. The society queen allegedly forged

40. her daughter's signature on an affidavit

41. that sent an innocent man to jail for almost three years.

42. The victim, Ben Donovan, has been cleared of all charges

43. 'but it's unlikely Lily Humphrey will be so lucky.'

44. She's holed up in her penthouse apartment

45. while her lawyers scramble to work out a deal.

46. 'We are currently outside of the Van der Woodsens'

47. 'upper East Side residence..'

48. I didn't realize you stayed.

49. Good morning to you too.

50. You okay?

51. It's surreal.

52. Everything happening to Lily is because of my dad

53. and... I kind of feel like it's all my fault.

54. Look, it probably would've happened sooner or later anyway.

55. Your dad's been calling all morning.

56. Hello.

57. I already told you my answer.

58. What do you mean everything could change?

59. Oddsmakers around town are taking bets on the length

60. of her prison sentence.

61. He-hey, Miss Van der Woodsen!

62. 'Has your mother heard any news?'

63. - 'Hey, Chuck.' - How's Lily holding up?

64. I'm here now. Aren't you coming over for brunch?

65. Lily thought it would be complicated enough without me.

66. Well, my grandmother, my stepfather, my father

67. who was last seen fleeing from the police?

68. Complicated is an understatement.

69. How are things with William?

70. Oh, if I cut everyone out of my life

71. who made a mistake, I wouldn't have anyone left.

72. On the topic of mistakes, do you know one I might have made

73. to cause Blair to cut me off?

74. You didn't talk to her after your party?

75. 'She wouldn't let me in her room.'

76. When she said she didn't wanna talk to me

77. I didn't think she meant ever again.

78. She's not seeing someone, is she?

79. Oh, no, not unless you count Dorota.

80. She's hasn't left her bed in a week.

81. She's pulling a Camille? But why?

82. I think her powerful-woman path hit a roadblock

83. and you know how important that is to her.

84. Thanks for the heads-up.

85. Give Lily my love.

86. I will. Bye.

87. Come on, Lil, reading this is not gonna

88. make things any easier.

89. Well, sometimes it's better to know what's out there.

90. You know, deal with it, move on.

91. Lily and I were just talking about moving on.

92. Oh, what was the topic of that conversation?

93. Oh, yeah, you.

94. How many times do I have to tell you?

95. I am not going anywhere until I know

96. that my children are taken care of

97. in the event that Lily can't do so herself.

98. It's not like she's dying, Will. No thanks to you.

99. And Eric and Serena already have a father in their lives.

100. Step... father. It's not the same.

101. 'Oh, please!'

102. Be gentlemen, you two. We're all here for Lily.

103. Oh, darling!

104. Oh, you look lovely in your mug shot.

105. It was smart of you to turn yourself in

106. so you could make sure your hair was done.

107. Yes, mother, that's why I did it.

108. Well, fortunately, in a few short hours

109. I will be immortalized in a much more dignified fashion.

110. The Taschen book, that's, uh, today?

111. It certainly is.

112. Oh, "Modern Royalty." I just love that title.

113. Hey, mom, dad.

114. - Hey, hi, sweetheart. - Hey.

115. - Serena, darling, we were.. - Grandma.

116. Just talking about the portrait.

117. How can you do a book on modern royalty

118. without including me and my girls?

119. All... of my girls.

120. What is that supposed to mean?

121. Hey, you know, listen, thank you for letting me hide out here.

122. I just needed a time-out from my mom and my grandma

123. and my dad and your dad.

124. Well, yeah, I mean, of course, my, my house is your safe house.

125. I'm surprised Serena didn't call you

126. and asked you to be her backup.

127. She did, but I figured I'd dodge that war.

128. Hey, does William Carlos Williams

129. go under W or C?

130. Hmm, this is the first time

131. I've ever seen you pass up a chance to save Serena.

132. And you're alphabetizing?

133. What's up?

134. You swear not to tell anyone or laugh?

135. Uh, I'll take your secret to my grave

136. but laughter is an uncontrollable bodily response.

137. I kissed Blair Waldorf.

138. - Wow. I didn't see that coming. - Yeah, neither did I.

139. I mean, it was just, it was just once and it was weird.

140. - Oh, I would expect so, yes. - But weird good?

141. Like, "Uh, wow, it's weird, this is such a good kiss."

142. Or weird bad, like, you know, just, "Wow, weird."

143. Uh, she didn't give you any indication at the time?

144. No, no. She, she just walked away stunned.

145. Left me standing there in her foyer.

146. - Mysterious. - I know, right?

147. I mean, I did what I thought was the polite thing.

148. Called her the next day, it's been almost a week

149. and I haven't heard back.

150. W-w-wait, wait. Why do you care so much?

151. Do you..

152. Do you like her?

153. What? No, no, no, I don't like her.

154. No, of course, not. Not at all.

155. I'm just curious.

156. And, and, you know, she.. I mean, she does smell nice.

157. Oh, you are ass-backwards crushing on Blair Waldorf.

158. Take that away, Dorota.

159. I can't eat.

160. I only rang to tell you to call the doctor.

161. I think I have consumption.

162. Consumption not since 19th century. They have vaccine.

163. Well, then I'm dying from malaise.

164. I know everything has gone wrong

165. since you lost focus on work.

166. But Carmela on "Sopranos" didn't get big break till she was 40.

167. This isn't about work or time, Dorota. It's about the truth.

168. Something happened recently that revealed my future

169. and I've been hiding ever since

170. 'cause I don't wanna deal with it.

171. Epperly. What do you want?

172. I'm styling the photo shoots for the New York portions

173. of Taschen's "Modern Royalty" book.

174. I know all about it. Serena's in it.

175. Well, my assistant just left me to work

176. for William and Kate's wedding photographer.

177. I could really use your help.

178. Me? After our previous experience?

179. Aw, you're a natural fit for something like this.

180. 'What with your impeccable taste'

181. and masterful way of giving orders.

182. Um, it'll be hard to clear my schedule.

183. Meet me in an hour? I'll text you the address.

184. You're right, Dorota. Maybe I should refocus on work.

185. Feelings and revelations will just have to wait.

186. She accepted the job, just like you knew she would.

187. But, uh..

188. why go to these lengths if I may ask?

189. Someone told me something that made me want my own legacy

190. not my father's.

191. I can't convince Blair of her place in it

192. until she's feeling powerful again.

193. Well, I hope it works out for you.

194. Ever since I came back from Bali

195. I'm a sucker for romance.

196. I can't believe you asked Carol here

197. without clearing it with me first.

198. What's to ask? You're her sister.

199. And besides I knew you'd say no.

200. Oh, for a good reason though.

201. Because Carol turned her back on Lily.

202. I would say that there is some blame on both sides

203. but Rufus does make a point... for once.

204. You know, having Carol here would be stressful for Lily.

205. Oh, my God, what could be more stressful than this?

206. She hasn't even walked through the door and you guys

207. are already at each other's throats.

208. I wouldn't recognize you guys if it were any other way.

209. 'Hi, sis.'

210. I always knew your house of cards would collapse eventually

211. but I never dreamed you'd actually wind up behind bars

212. - Huh? - Ah, welcome, Carol.

213. And hey... mom.

214. - Darling. - Darling.

215. And Lily's husbands.

216. - One and five. - Five.

217. And Serena.

218. Oh, hi, Aunt Carol, good to see you.

219. Your mom used to have long hair just like yours

220. but that's when she was crashing on tour buses

221. before she was getting Brazilian Blowouts

222. right, Rufus?

223. Love the loafers. Are those Tod's?

224. Carol, some of us actually grew up.

225. I'll get it.

226. So, Carol, you're here for the Rhodes women portrait?

227. Maybe you could help us pick a theme.

228. I was thinking "La Dolce Vita."

229. Does it have to be a movie?

230. We could do "Chicago."

231. You could play Roxie Hart 'cause she was in jail.

232. I know you think this photo's frivolous

233. but it's an important honor for our family.

234. I'm not the one who ruined this family's honor.

235. It wasn't your lawyer. It was someone from the book.

236. They canceled the portrait because of the scandal.

237. 'I'm sorry, mom.'

238. Uh-oh, Lily, looks like instead of being on the pages

239. you're about to have the book thrown at you.

240. Do you mind hailing me a cab?

241. Thank you.

242. Hey, Serena?

243. Sorry, my family's not talking to the press.

244. Oh, well, then I guess I'm not either

245. because... technically, I'm your family.

246. You're probably wondering how you could be related

247. to someone who's so socially awkward.

248. Um... but I'm your cousin.

249. Charlie? Oh, my God, Charlotte.

250. Oh, my gosh!

251. Your mom didn't tell me you were here.

252. That's because she doesn't know.

253. Um, can we go somewhere and talk?

254. Yeah, of course, come on.

255. Boys..

256. William may have a solution.

257. Imagine that.

258. I know Benedikt Taschen personally.

259. - Of course, you do. - I'd be happy to call him.

260. See if I can get the ladies back in the book.

261. Eric, what do you say?

262. Uh, well, I, I think that mom would really like that.

263. Fine. Might as well try.

264. - Great. - Hmm.

265. Thanks.

266. I think the last time I saw you, I was six.

267. You met up with us in the keys on Claus' boat.

268. Um, I think they call that a yacht.

269. Didn't it have an elevator in it?

270. Yeah, which apparently was enough to make your mom

271. decide to never let you see us again.

272. Well, she thinks your world's toxic.

273. If I'm exposed, I'll catch it.

274. Oh, well, we may not be perfect

275. but comparing us to the plague is a little extreme.

276. Okay, so you and your brother didn't both

277. end up going to a mental institution?

278. And your dad didn't give your mom fake cancer?

279. And your mom didn't send an innocent man to prison..

280. just to get you back into private school?

281. Yeah, maybe when you put it that way

282. we should be quarantined.

283. No. I'm sorry. That's my mom talking.

284. I've grown up so alone that I..

285. I wanted to see what she's been hiding from me

286. all these years.

287. Okay, well, I'm not letting you go home

288. until you spend a day with me.

289. Let me show you this world and you can decide for yourself

290. what you think of it.

291. We'll start with Barneys and then..

292. work our way back to Intermix.

293. 'I'm sorry, Lil.'

294. I didn't realize how important this portrait was to you.

295. Whatcha lookin' at?

296. Well, I just figured if I can't take a new photo

297. I could distract myself with old ones, that's all.

298. - Oh! - Remember that?

299. My... God!

300. We were gonna audition to be Solid Gold Dancers.

301. And then we, we went looking for halter tops

302. that looked like the girl in the "Cherry Pie" video.

303. Yeah, and all we could find were these gold unitards.

304. Oh, how did our dance go?

305. It was like..

306. This was our audition, this was our audition.

307. Right, right.

308. Imagine, in halter tops.

309. - Okay. - No.

310. Oh, you know what, who needs Taschen

311. when we can take our own family photo?

312. But... we need the unitards.

313. - Yes, let's go. - Let's go. Yes.

314. Kate Orth is being shot with her six maiden nieces

315. and Chuck Bass will be shot by himself.

316. All by himself? He has an uncle.

317. Nope, Chuck Bass is representing his family all alone.

318. The Suttons are next.

319. They want to be shot with their English setters.

320. Those setters are better-looking than the Suttons.

321. Aw, but they love each other anyway.

322. Just proving that everyone has their soul mate.

323. Yeah. Did you join a cult in Bali?

324. Oh, come on, Blair, I know you believe in true love too.

325. Well... I did recently have a moment of perspective myself..

326. but thankfully, I didn't have to go to an ashram to have it.

327. - What happened? - I kissed someone.

328. It was truly a life-changing experience.

329. - Do tell. - I just did.

330. That was it.

331. But the point is, that one kiss changed me.

332. Fut-the-wuck is she doing here?

333. How dare you show your face here?

334. Oh, well, hello to you too, Blair.

335. I'm a camera assistant. The job was posted at NYU.

336. I didn't know Serena's family was coming until I arrived

337. and no, I'm not leaving.

338. Oh, my God.

339. Wow, that dress is incredible. It would look great on you.

340. Uh, yeah, except for it costs

341. as much as all the stuff we got today put together

342. so I can't accept that.

343. Well... you can accept this.

344. It's a family heirloom, so it's just as much yours

345. as it is mine anyway.

346. Serena..

347. thank you..

348. for everything.

349. Oh, my God. I can't believe we found them.

350. You might be Upper East Side blue blood

351. and I might be Florida Bohemian

352. but at bottom, the Rhodes sisters

353. are still badasses from the valley.

354. Rufus! Yeah, we found leg warmers.

355. No, I'm not drunk.

356. - Although.. - Yes!

357. Oh, that's wonderful. You're kidding!

358. Okay, we'll be right home.

359. - The photo shoot's back on. - Oh!

360. Should we go back and buy something for everyone?

361. Mom in a unitard. Awesome.

362. I love it!

363. - Serena? - Charlie?

364. I can explain.

365. Hey, Chuck, uh, what, what are you doing here?

366. May I come in?

367. Yeah.

368. I've learned some information about my past

369. that's making me reconsider my future..

370. my future with Blair.

371. However, my intel indicates that she's seeing someone else.

372. What's that got to do with me?

373. I think it could be someone at W. Didn't you work there?

374. Uh... yeah. For one day.

375. Did you notice her talking to anyone?

376. Whoever she kissed seems to have had an effect.

377. "Life-changing" were the words she used.

378. Uh, well, a life-changing kiss

379. might not be something you wanna mess with.

380. What are you trying to say, Humphrey?

381. With you, she was, she was always caught up

382. in schemes and takedowns, but that's not

383. that's not really her.

384. 'She's intelligent. She's intuitive, you know?'

385. She, she weeps when she watches "Nights Of Cabiria."

386. How do you know that?

387. Uh... Serena... told me.

388. But listen, th-the point is if Blair's happy

389. then maybe you should let her be.

390. You care more about Blair's happiness than I knew.

391. - Yeah. - Thank you for your time.

392. Epperly, I found out who Blair kissed.

393. I'm going to need one more favor.

394. I worked hard to keep you away from this world.

395. I didn't want you to become a socialite

396. obsessed with clothes and clubbing

397. and getting your picture taken.

398. - That's not fair. - Fair is irrelevant.

399. I'm your mother. I make the rules.

400. You need to trust me.

401. I have never... lied to you.

402. Listen, I want you to return everything that you bought

403. and meet me back at my hotel.

404. Uh, necklace?

405. For God sakes, Carol, it's a necklace, not a heroin needle.

406. We were just hanging out.

407. And you bought her a $1000 worth of clothes.

408. That's obscene.

409. We're leaving. I'm just here to say goodbye to mother.

410. I just got your message.

411. I can't believe you won't come upstairs.

412. Carol, please. Serena didn't mean any harm.

413. You and I were just having so much fun together

414. and William and Rufus got the photo shoot back on.

415. At least stay for that.

416. You may think it's okay for your kids

417. to have superficial values, but I left this life

418. 'to raise Charlie in the real world'

419. and I am not letting you seduce her.

420. Great, then I hope you won't mind

421. if I don't stay and watch you go.

422. - Hey, you okay? - Oh, yes, I'm fine, sweetheart.

423. You don't have to come up.

424. Funny, wanting nothing to do with this superficial world

425. hasn't deterred you from taking my money.

426. Oh, you got what you paid for, mother.

427. I showed up, I was as supportive as I possibly could be

428. and now I'm leaving.

429. I send you a check every month.

430. You will stay for this photo.

431. That wasn't part of the deal.

432. Now I'm going to my hotel to pack and Charlie and I

433. are gonna take the next plane out.

434. So get this, I got a call that I'm being included

435. in the "Modern Royalty" book.

436. Hmm, no offense, but why?

437. Oh, none taken 'cause that, that was my first thought also.

438. I-I-I guess there's some coup d'etat session

439. for up-and-comers.

440. Uh, yeah, that sounds totally made up.

441. Um, you know, Blair is working the photo shoot.

442. She called to confirm my mom's call time.

443. Maybe she got you in.

444. Why, to raise my social status

445. so I'll be a more suitable suitor?

446. Actually, that sounds completely like her.

447. And you would usually find that repellent except you don't

448. 'because you like her.'

449. Uh, does Serena know?

450. It was one kiss. There's nothing to know, yet.

451. Just... be, be careful..

452. and, and, and, um..

453. And w-wear a nice suit. I-I have to go.

454. Hello.

455. Yeah, this is Eric.

456. What? No, I didn't know I was expected at the photo shoot.

457. - You're late. - And you're glowing.

458. Why make me bring overnight bag including La Perlas?

459. Because... I'm going to tell that certain someone

460. my true feelings tonight, and if everything goes as I hope

461. I don't wanna be caught in last year's Chantelle.

462. I don't think Dan Humphrey will know difference.

463. Dan Humphrey? What are you talking about?

464. The reason you take to bed.

465. Shame from emotional affair with a lowly boy.

466. It's lonely boy, and it wasn't an affair. Just a kiss.

467. Which made me see how much I wished it was with Chuck.

468. Mr. Chuck? But your power play go kaput.

469. Thank you for reminding me.

470. Look, I wanted to realize my full potential

471. before joining forces with a powerful man

472. but Chuck has matured..

473. past games and fatwas.

474. I believe we can build our futures together.

475. And if Chuck is destined to be my prince

476. why kiss any more toads?

477. Humphrey more labrador than toad.

478. Who cares what beast Dan Humphrey is?

479. Chuck is on his way. I'm gonna tell him I'm ready.

480. It's time.

481. They say that fortune favors the bold.

482. Thanks.

483. Serena.

484. Look, I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye

485. but as much fun as I had, my mom is right.

486. You know, she sacrificed a lot

487. to raise me the way she thought was best.

488. I have to respect that.

489. Well, she may not have sacrificed as much as you think.

490. But watch out for the bold-faced lies

491. that come with fortune's favors.

492. Hi, grandma, the book people called and told me

493. I had to come down here ASAP.

494. Oh! Are you Eric van der Woodsen?

495. Right. We need to start setting up for you and your sister.

496. And are you Dr. Van der Woodsen?

497. No. Uh, wh-what's going on?

498. Uh, the revised portrait concept

499. is William van der Woodsen and his two children.

500. W-w-what? No, the whole point was to do this for my mom.

501. I think the point for Will is to always do something for himself.

502. We have to fix this. You find William.

503. I'll make sure that Lily's occupied.

504. And you... say absolutely nothing to anybody until I tell you.

505. - Hey. - Hey.

506. 'I've been looking everywhere for you.'

507. Your office said you were—

508. I just needed some time to think.

509. About what? What'd your dad say?

510. It wasn't my dad on the phone.

511. It was the people doing the "Modern Royalty" book.

512. They were calling for the same reason he was.

513. They want us in the book.

514. - And... you said no, of course. - Yes.

515. But then they asked if I didn't want to pose with my father

516. why not... take it with my mother?

517. Oh.

518. Having to say it out loud this morning

519. made me realize if I'm estranged from my dad..

520. I really have no one.

521. Blair, hey, uh... I wanted to talk to you for a second

522. but I can see you've got your hands full.

523. The Lansburys had too much licorice. Wh-what's up?

524. I'm ready to get my photo taken.

525. Uh... for the up-and-comers section, you know?

526. This isn't a photo shoot for a high school yearbook.

527. There is no up-and-comers section

528. and even if there were, I mean, let's face it, Humphrey

529. you still wouldn't make the cut.

530. Tell me you didn't do this just to humiliate me.

531. What? No. I don't even know what this is.

532. Epperly called me and told me I was in this shoot.

533. What, you didn't, you didn't have anything to do with that?

534. No, and I don't know why Epperly would..

535. Oh, God.

536. It's Chuck.

537. He knows.

538. Ah, bellissima.

539. Oh, you are so beautiful.

540. Thank you for being here.

541. Of course.

542. We've been through so much together

543. and I've let you down so many times.

544. And here you are.

545. Mom, don't start to cry right now.

546. You'll ruin your makeup.

547. Stop.

548. What have you done with my daughter?

549. - What are you talking about? - Charlie.

550. She never made it to the hotel and she doesn't know the city.

551. She's out there somewhere on her own. Argh! I knew it!

552. One day with you and she's run away.

553. This is not a coincidence.

554. Watch how you talk to my daughter.

555. She didn't run away because of me.

556. She ran away because I told her the truth about you.

557. 'You go around acting like we're monsters'

558. yet you take money from grandma every month.

559. Is that true?

560. I'm sorry, mom. I-I overheard them earlier.

561. The only reason she came here is because grandma paid her to.

562. I'll call Charlie now and see if she'll tell me where she is.

563. Of course, mother paid you to be here.

564. I am so foolish to think that you would have come

565. because you cared.

566. Lily..

567. This was all you, wasn't it?

568. You had Epperly hire me and call Dan and tell him that—

569. An up-and-comer? What the hell is your problem, man?

570. You're trying to humiliate him? What, is that it?

571. I don't care about him one way or the other.

572. I just wanted you to see he's not part of this world.

573. I know you kissed him.

574. So?

575. You and I are not dating. And you kiss a lot of people.

576. You're not supposed to kiss him. He's humdrum Humphrey.

577. Epperly told me it was life-changing.

578. Because it made me realize I wanted to be with you.

579. Dan and I both know it meant nothing, less than nothing.

580. - Right? - Yeah, that's right.

581. I was gonna tell you all about it tonight.

582. But that would have been a huge mistake.

583. Dan Humphrey may not be royalty, but at least he's not a child.

584. Hey. Lily in makeup yet?

585. We know you switched the photo from Rhodes to Van der Woodsen.

586. I-I don't know what you're talking about.

587. Sure you don't, but let me tell you.

588. Having a picture with you and your kids

589. doesn't make you look like a real father.

590. Back off, Rufus.

591. Look, there's just, there's no photo without my mom.

592. Of course, there isn't.

593. I wouldn't wanna cut your mother out of anything.

594. It's over, Will. Just fix it before Lily finds out.

595. - Finds out about what? - Finds out that, um..

596. That I'm not happy with my hair. It's too flat.

597. Mother, your hair is enormous.

598. We're ready for the Van der Woodsen photo.

599. Oh, it's the Rhodes photo, and we're here.

600. Okay, I couldn't find Charlie.

601. What's going on?

602. You gonna tell 'em what you did?

603. No, because I didn't do it.

604. Would everybody please take their places?

605. Does anyone want to be in this picture or in this family?

606. I do.

607. Cinderella finally showed up at the ball.

608. Too bad it was canceled.

609. Oh, thank God. Are you alright?

610. You had me worried sick!

611. I'm fine.

612. Uh, this is only supposed to be

613. William van der Woodsen and his two children.

614. What? Since when?

615. Yeah, I'm sorry, Lily. The book never reinstated you.

616. - Will did this instead. - Dad?

617. What's the point of telling the truth

618. if you're not gonna believe me anyway?

619. I'm gonna go get some air.

620. This looks like the dress Diana wore

621. the day after she became princess.

622. It is.

623. I wanted you to wear it in the photo with me.

624. I had no idea I could just ask.

625. It's not too late.

626. You don't have to be powerful on your own first.

627. We can build our futures together.

628. The saddest part is that..

629. I'd come to the same conclusion.

630. But... now that I know I'm ready, I realize you're not.

631. And I thought that after everything you went through..

632. Prague, Eva, Russell, that..

633. maybe you'd changed.

634. - But who was I kidding? - Don't say that.

635. You have years before you're capable of a real relationship..

636. if you ever will be.

637. I'm sorry, Chuck.

638. Ah.

639. Lily, I did not sabotage the photo shoot.

640. I hope that you realize that.

641. Oh. I'm not even sure I care if you did.

642. I mean, let's face it.

643. Me, CeCe and Carol, all in the same room.

644. The night was doomed to be apocalyptic.

645. But the fact that my rebel sister

646. has been judging me all these years

647. when she was taking money from my mother.

648. That's a whole new spin.

649. Remember when she moved to Maui, Dallas

650. and then Downtown Detroit?

651. Anywhere your mother wouldn't go?

652. And now she lives on a houseboat.

653. And you live in a penthouse.

654. Yeah, for now.

655. - And then it's the big house. - Lily..

656. Tonight was supposed to be a way to forget that.

657. Listen, nobody knows what your sentence will be

658. and your family's here for you

659. even though they're screwed up and dance in silver leotards.

660. Unitards, and they were gold.

661. Thank you, William. You're right.

662. I just spoke to Julia Chaplin and found out

663. that Benedikt Taschen was traveling

664. and never got your message.

665. The Van der Woodsen photo was the editor's idea

666. and William had nothing to do with it.

667. Well, if that's an apology, Rufus, uh... I accept.

668. Come on, let's, uh..

669. go get our family and go home.

670. - I had no idea. - I know.

671. - Nice suit though. - Thanks.

672. Uh... what did you want to talk to me about earlier?

673. Oh, I just wanted to make sure you knew that that kiss meant

674. nothing to me like it did to you.

675. - Oh. Right. - Social experiment gone wrong.

676. A princess kissing a labrador.

677. I-I appreciate you not calling me a toad.

678. Uh, Blair, your prince is out there waiting for you.

679. It might not be me or Chuck, but... he's out there.

680. Your princess is too, if you're ready for her.

681. All these years, all you did was lie to me.

682. I've made some mistakes, but I was trying to protect you.

683. How? By secretly taking money?

684. By making me feel horrible about who my relatives were?

685. I'm not eight, mom. I'm eighteen.

686. I don't need to be protected.

687. I only wanted what was best for you.

688. You mean what's best for you.

689. - Well, that ends tonight. - Charlie, don't!

690. So... epic betrayal by mom

691. aborted photo shoot, no place to sleep.

692. What would Serena van der Woodsen do?

693. Well, the salted caramel gelato at Il Laboratorio can end wars.

694. - Take me there. - Did someone say gelato?

695. Oh, Blair, this is my cousin, Charlie Rhodes.

696. Hi. The Blair. I'm honored.

697. And I'm craving vanilla pecan and a girls' night.

698. - Let's get out of here. - Come on.

699. Poor lost prince.

700. What's the point of having a kingdom

701. if you have to reign alone?

702. Still no word on the sentencing?

703. Uh, no, not yet, um..

704. Did you know that Martha Stewart taught crafts in prison?

705. The flight's in a few hours.

706. I hope we hear by then.

707. And... I hope that Charlie speaks to me on the plane.

708. Serena said they had a great girls' night.

709. Probably just what she needed in light of, you know..

710. your decades of massive hypocrisy.

711. I so wanted you to think I was different..

712. '... that I'd gotten out.'

713. Uh, when you left LA, I had..

714. I had no one.

715. And then one day, I was 24, living out of my car..

716. buying a pregnancy test at that drugstore up on Laurel.

717. Everything changed.

718. I did not want mom's help.

719. But it wasn't about me anymore.

720. Why didn't you tell me?

721. And have you find out I failed?

722. After you rejected me and everything I stood for?

723. - No way! - I did not reject you.

724. All I ever wanted was your approval.

725. Well, you got it now.

726. Turning yourself in, not giving a damn what people think

727. that's my Lily.

728. Will you come visit me in prison?

729. I will smuggle you pot brownies.

730. So have you thought about what you're gonna say

731. to your mom yet?

732. I figured it would just kind of come to me... in the moment.

733. She's never gonna let me do it.

734. What is this let?

735. You're an adult. You make your own decisions.

736. And you say that you hope that she supports you.

737. I'm starting to realize why you're so scary to her.

738. 'You wanna get that?'

739. No.

740. So I know you don't wanna hear from me, but... I had to share.

741. Dan Humphrey kissed Blair Waldorf.

742. You can confront them, they'll deny it, but it's true.

743. I overheard them myself, and believe me if I was lying

744. just to mess with you, it wouldn't be something

745. as unbelievable as this.

746. I'm surprised Rufus is letting you man the brunch table.

747. He's usually very territorial about his waffles.

748. Your stepfather and I have come to an understanding.

749. Besides he's out on a mission right now.

750. Well, I am intrigued and proud of both of you.

751. I know you're making this work for my sake.

752. Oh, and here I thought you were doing it for me.

753. Hey, mom.

754. Hi, sweetheart.

755. How was the sleepover?

756. It was good.

757. It was so good that, um..

758. if it's okay with you, Aunt Lily

759. I, I'd like to stay... in Serena's old room.

760. Catch up with the family, make up for lost time.

761. Oh, I think that's great, Charlie.

762. Charlie, that's a mistake.

763. What happened wasn't so long ago.

764. - You're not ready for this. - I am.

765. Because of you I know who I am

766. and nothing's gonna change that.

767. And thanks for supporting me.

768. Why don't I show you your new room?

769. My God, I suck at that.

770. You'll get better with practice.

771. What? She's gonna be fine.

772. - We'll take good care of her— - You don't understand.

773. A few months ago, she left college because..

774. Wait... what's going on, Carol?

775. Just promise me that you will make sure

776. someone watches her closely, okay?

777. I promise.

778. Hey, you're awake.

779. I'm not sure if I ever fell asleep.

780. You, uh... still thinking about your mom?

781. Yes, but not for the reason you think.

782. My dad always said she never tried to contact us.

783. But I can't help but wonder

784. since he lied about so much other stuff..

785. Maybe he lied about her too.

786. You could find out for sure, you know.

787. You could look for her.

788. Walking down the primrose path

789. you risk finding hell instead of happily ever after.

790. Save me a waffle, but first we have a surprise.

791. You're socializing with my mother?

792. That is surprising.

793. Rufus has gathered the family, darling.

794. The whole family because we are having a family photo.

795. Lily, I assume you know Laurie Simmons.

796. It's so great.

797. Hi, uh, this is a family portrait

798. so I'm assuming you are Cousin Charlie.

799. Yeah. Hi.

800. - You're Dan? - Yeah.

801. How long you gonna be here?

802. Um... depends, I guess.

803. Okay, I'm good to go if everyone else is.

804. Ah, CeCe, come on. You're sitting next to me.

805. Oh, how about if I'm in the middle

806. between you and William?

807. Alright.

808. - Lily, you want me to— - Oh, that's alright.

809. Um... just let it ring.

810. I want, uh, my family photo to capture this moment.

811. That's my Lily.

812. 'Okay, say cheese.'

813. As with any journey, who you travel with

814. can be more important than your destination.

815. Why does love have to be so hard, Dorota?

816. All I ever wanted was a simple fairy tale.

817. Kate Middleton has it, and I have much shinier hair.

818. Although she does have a better assortment of hats.

819. Don't despair, Miss Blair. Destiny full of surprises.

820. You never know who you'll encounter along the way.

821. Who knows? Maybe fairy tales come true after all.

822. XOXO, Gossip Girl.