Gossip Girl 4x11

1. Gossip Girl here, your one and only source

2. into the scandalous lives

3. of Manhattan's elite.

4. My mom's filing for divorce.

5. I'd love the chance to talk to her

6. so she could see for herself

7. just how much I've changed.

8. I should hear your father out.

9. Really nice seeing your mother up here after all this time.

10. - Yeah. - Just in time, too, right?

11. - Just in time for what? - Um, your father's parole.

12. Serena and Colin are over.

13. Do not continue to jeopardize her future.

14. If only he were the only teacher

15. Serena had an inappropriate relationship with.

16. Serena's in the hospital.

17. Oh, my God. You drugged her?

18. That was not part of the plan.

19. Look, this isn't just about you anymore.

20. I was wondering if you wanted to discuss

21. a place for her recovery.

22. Ostroff center.

23. Your daughter wakes up alone, drugged

24. in an empty motel room, and you just have her committed?

25. Juliet may have been behind Serena's overdose.

26. What do you say we find that bitch and get us

27. a little frontier justice?

28. Where has she been?

29. And who am I?

30. That's one secret I'll never tell.

31. You know you love me.

32. XOXO.

33. Gossip Girl.

34. Spotted, Dan and Blair

35. exiting Sant Ambroeus

36. with espresso doppio for two.

37. But we hear it's not the caffeine

38. that's got them talking a mile a minute.

39. It's a mission.

40. So, Juliet dressed up like Serena

41. at Saints and Sinners

42. to destroy her relationships with me and Nate.

43. And enlist Vanessa and Jenny to mess with me.

44. Which is devious and pathetic, but let's face it

45. around here, it's just another Saturday night.

46. Well, you can't show up at a masked ball and not expect

47. at least one social-climbing doppelganger

48. to try and impersonate you.

49. But then, according to Jenny

50. Juliet posted a photo of herself

51. as Serena doing coke.

52. And for that, she will be judged

53. by a higher power, but we've—

54. We've seen worse.

55. Well, I was gonna say "done worse"

56. but, yes.

57. Okay, but then..

58. Serena wakes up in a motel room after almost OD'ing.

59. And that is where the Juliet express

60. goes off the rails and heads straight for crazy town.

61. The next thing we know... Serena wakes up

62. insists she didn't go on a bender.

63. But then the photo shows up online and she starts

64. to doubt herself and checks herself into the Ostroff.

65. Which brings us up to the present.

66. The thing we need to figure out is why.

67. I mean, Colin, Nate, Hamilton house

68. none of that explains taking things so far.

69. Well, as someone well-acquainted

70. with the darker human emotions

71. let me offer mytheory.

72. There is only one motive powerful enough to fuel

73. a gas lighting like this, and that is retribution.

74. Retribution for what?

75. I know I've already said this

76. but I'm really proud of you, and so is mom.

77. Is that why she's here, to tell me herself?

78. Do I even wanna know where she is?

79. Alright, she and Chuck are meeting with a reporter

80. from "The Post" this morning.

81. You know, some profile on Bass Industries.

82. Oh, "The Post", because they have such

83. award-winning business coverage.

84. Oh, don't tell me you detect a whiff

85. of eau de damage control.

86. Mom's classic scent brings back

87. the fondest memories of childhood.

88. I'm way ahead of you there, but when I confronted her

89. about it she didn't deny it.

90. Bass Industries is a family-run company.

91. And like it or not, what the family does

92. affects what people think about it.

93. I know I've put her in a tough position..

94. But, please promise me that you'll try to keep her honest

95. about... where I am and what's going on.

96. No stories about Aunt Carol's in Miami

97. like when you were here.

98. I-I am on it.

99. Although that Marlins jersey that Bart Bass bought me

100. that year for Christmas would look great on you.

101. Serena? Eric. Hey.

102. So have you made a decision?

103. 'What do you mean, no visitors?'

104. I don't think you realize who we are.

105. Who she thinks she is, is more like.

106. Look, I'm-I'm family. I'm Serena's brother..

107. Or... stepbrother, technically which I do mostly try

108. to put out of my mind seeing as we dated pretty seriously—

109. Humphrey, they treat people in here

110. for less serious complexes than that.

111. Do you wanna get committed?

112. I'll just call her.

113. I'm sure that we're on her list.

114. 'There is no list.'

115. And her phone is locked away

116. in a drawer somewhere.

117. Look, Serena's doctor recommended

118. that she start her treatment with 72 hours, no contact.

119. That includes me, my mom and you guys.

120. No, but Serena doesn't need to be here.

121. Juliet was behind everything.

122. And we have some questions for her.

123. Whatever screwy series of events

124. got her in the front door, she's here now.

125. And she's getting the help she's probably needed for a long time

126. so... whatever you're up to

127. you need to do it without Serena.

128. Looks like someone's gonna have a busy holiday season.

129. No, unfortunately, they're all followed up by a..

130. polite phone call asking if your father will be attending.

131. Oh.

132. Or in the case of Lily's holiday party

133. for Bass Industries, a handwritten note

134. saying she hopes I understand.

135. Wow, I guess, I always thought that mean girls

136. got a little nicer once they grew up

137. and had kids of their own.

138. Quite the opposite, I'm afraid.

139. Yeah.

140. But, no party is more important than family.

141. Yeah.

142. - About that. - Nate, what is it?

143. So, I really appreciate everything you've been doing

144. for dad, and I, you know, wanted to make sure

145. he deserved the chance you're giving him.

146. So I called our business manager

147. and asked if dad had been in contact

148. made any plans for when he got out.

149. Please tell me he didn't book a one-way flight to the Caribbean.

150. No, but he did ask about leasing a house outside the city.

151. - Why wasn't I told about this? - He wanted to tell you.

152. Dad begged him not to say anything.

153. I already said you'd find out soon enough.

154. It was supposed to be a surprise.

155. I wish I was surprised.

156. So he uses our address to get parole

157. then uses my money to get his own place.

158. 'Same old Howard.'

159. I'm sorry, mom.

160. I understand if you don't wanna go through with this.

161. I just.. You know, I really thought he had changed.

162. So did I.

163. I'll call the lawyers.

164. I got you into this mess, okay?

165. I'll go to dad. I'll tell him.

166. We can't do nothing for three days.

167. Who knows how far Juliet could get in that time?

168. Uh, yeah, I think we just gotta tell my dad and Lily.

169. What Juliet did with these pills is against the law.

170. Police and parents. Of course that's your plan, Humphrey.

171. Or we could sneak in to see Serena.

172. That receptionist got a pretty good look at me

173. but maybe with a wig?

174. That's your plan? Disguises and accents?

175. I never said anything about accents.

176. Can you do any?

177. No, look, uh, Eric is right.

178. We need to leave Serena out of this

179. and just find Juliet on our own.

180. Well, Colin is her cousin.

181. We could track him down at whatever economic summit

182. he's at this week.

183. Well, Nate dated her.

184. My minions knew her for a whole year

185. 'before we showed up.'

186. Or..

187. there is someone who seems to know everything about everyone.

188. Besides me, who?

189. Gossip Girl?

190. She's not a Ouija board, Humphrey.

191. You can't just ask, "Where's Juliet?"

192. And expect her to point you in the right direction.

193. Maybe you can. Look, think about it.

194. You and Serena... are her people, not Juliet.

195. Now, Serena really could have been hurt, and plus I'm sure

196. she's furious that Juliet sent in that fake photo.

197. Does she even know that it's fake?

198. Hey, Juliet.

199. It's good to see you.

200. - It's been a while. - Yeah, thanks.

201. It's good to be home.

202. This is excruciating, what if..

203. she doesn't respond and all we're doing

204. is wasting valuable time?

205. Our time is not that valuable.

206. Until we know where Juliet is, we don't know whether

207. we need to charter a jet or if your metro card

208. will suffice for our journey.

209. That's from her.

210. Open it.

211. Well, I guess we have our mission.

212. Buckle up, kids.

213. You up for a road trip?

214. Looks like this unholy alliance..

215. is hitting the road.

216. 'Serena, help me understand.'

217. Are you upset because of what you did

218. or because you can't remember it?

219. Both and... neither.

220. You know, if-if you saw a photo of yourself on the internet

221. doing cocaine, what would you think?

222. I wouldn't know what to think.

223. I would never do that.

224. Exactly.

225. But with me, I-I-I can't be too sure.

226. You know, I may not remember..

227. kissing Dan and Nate

228. or-or crossing Blair, but..

229. You know, this wouldn't be the first time

230. that I had been with two guys in one night

231. or betrayed my best friend.

232. - Oh! - Wow, wow.

233. - Nate. - That never happened.

234. You're still a man in my eyes.

235. And I always knew there was something. Get out!

236. Things had gotten so out of control

237. I-I didn't know how to pull them back anymore.

238. Hey, what's happening? Are you okay?

239. - We have to go. - 'No, we can't leave him.'

240. There's drugs everywhere.

241. We can get arrested.

242. So, I-I left town alone to Cornwall, Connecticut

243. to try to start over.

244. Is the pedal to the metal?

245. Because, I swear, if I shove my feet through the floor

246. I could run faster.

247. At least there's no radio, so I'm spared your horrid taste

248. in music, I think we were supposed to turn there.

249. You know, I'd tell you to stop being such a backseat driver

250. but how can you be one when you don't even know how to drive?

251. I offered to get us a car service.

252. Professional driver, comfortable seats, champagne!

253. We're on a mission here.

254. We need to be able to move

255. at any moment and tail people.

256. Speed, if necessary.

257. Speed? Please.

258. And as for tailing someone.

259. A stretch hummer with a hot tub

260. would be more inconspicuous than this.

261. First, my dad swapped a '69 Les Paul for this car.

262. It's a collector's item, and second, it was either this

263. or the Lincoln Hawk van, which..

264. all I'm saying, has graphics.

265. Fine. We should almost be there.

266. Let me just consult the GPS.

267. Oh, wait. That's me.

268. No, but... for real..

269. Cornice should be just up here.

270. Thank you so much for your time.

271. Enjoy your holiday.

272. We really appreciate "The Post's"

273. interest in the company.

274. - Bye. - Bye.

275. Ah.

276. Oh, my God. That was punishing.

277. I think my face actually hurts from smiling so much.

278. - Drink? - Please.

279. It's barely afternoon

280. but we've earned it.

281. Serena only came up once.

282. Yes, and I kept my promise

283. to Eric to tell the truth.

284. She isexhausted.

285. I know I am.

286. I think we both killed it.

287. You talking about how proud you are

288. of the work I've done at the Empire.

289. And you're saying what a great job I've done

290. leading the board at Bass.

291. Well, I meant what I said.

292. So do I.

293. Mm.

294. There was that sticky question

295. of when I might take back

296. the reins of Bass Industries.

297. You kind of flinched when she asked you about it.

298. Well, I didn't see that it was any of her business.

299. It's a long ways away, and it was off topic.

300. I will want it back at some point.

301. - You know that, right? - Of course.

302. It was never my intention to be anything more than a custodian

303. overseeing the board until you were ready to do it yourself.

304. I have to get ready for this party... and the, uh

305. caterers are gonna be here any moment to set up, so..

306. - I'll see you tonight. - Oh.

307. It's a little early in the day for that, don't you think?

308. Things not go well?

309. No, actually, the interview was, um, fine.

310. If this isJuliet's house

311. then she is even freakier than we thought.

312. - Who pretends to be poor? - Wait a second.

313. I-I'm not sure what's supposed to happen right now.

314. If she is really in there..

315. what's our plan? I mean, what are we gonna do?

316. We're just gonna march up to her and..

317. pull her hair?

318. For starters.

319. Oh, at least he's owning it.

320. Juliet wouldn't be at a party like this, let alone host it.

321. I-I don't think this is her house.

322. Well, Gossip Girl didn't say it was.

323. So don't just look for Juliet.

324. Look for clues.

325. Body shots!

326. Or someone who has one.

327. Damien Daalgard?

328. I don't understand.

329. What changed her mind?

330. Found out about the Rhinebeck house, dad.

331. You couldn't even wait two weeks

332. before you start spending her money?

333. That's what you think?

334. Nate, your mom and I vacationed

335. at that place when we were first married.

336. She said it was her dream house.

337. I saw it was for lease and I thought "Wouldn't it be great

338. if we could get out of the city just the two of us?"

339. Spend some time reconnecting

340. away from all our so-called friends.

341. I'm sorry. I might have—

342. Jumped to conclusions?

343. - Pretty quickly, too. - No, you're right.

344. I guess this transition's

345. gonna be harder than we thought.

346. I'll talk to mom.

347. Don't bother.

348. I guess you're not the only one who assumed

349. I was incapable of doing something nice.

350. I was kidding myself.

351. Two of us alone in the country?

352. Two of us together at all?

353. It's been over for a long time.

354. What does that mean when you get out? I mean..

355. If you don't come home to mom, are you gonna—

356. A halfway house? Yes, I am.

357. - Dad, you— - Nate.

358. Coming off of two years behind bars?

359. A halfway house sounds pretty good to me.

360. If you wanna stick around

361. I got TV privileges.

362. And the game is on.

363. Sure. Okay.

364. - 'How's your sister?' - 'She's good.'

365. - 'She's been living in Hudson.' - I banished her.

366. Yeah, but it's been for the best.

367. Listen, we're not, uh

368. here for a reunion.

369. Yeah, me neither. I'm working.

370. Connecticut 'burbs do big business over the holidays.

371. College kids come home. School's always reliable.

372. - School? - Yeah.

373. Knightley.

374. - I went there. - Wait. Boarding school?

375. Where you met Serena?

376. I didn't make the connection, but of course.

377. When Serena ran away she went

378. to the Knightley School in Cornwall.

379. So do you know Juliet Sharp?

380. I do, I saw her in the city about a week ago.

381. But whatever this is, uh, I'm not getting involved.

382. Well, if you sold drugs to Juliet, then you already are.

383. It was bad.

384. Serena ended up in the hospital.

385. And she says she didn't do it to herself.

386. - Is she okay? - She will be.

387. Look, Juliet made a pretty big buy, alright?

388. She bought coke, pills, even some ether.

389. I assumed she was throwing a party

390. for those sorority girls at whatever house.

391. Ether?

392. It's like a..

393. turn-of-the-century roofie.

394. So, Serena goes to boarding school with Damien.

395. Damien... sells drugs to Juliet.

396. But what's the connection between Juliet and Serena?

397. You know what?

398. Why don't we find her address and go ask her ourselves?

399. This is where I first met Juliet.

400. She's a townie.

401. Whoo!

402. Whoa!

403. 'Watch where you're going, man!'

404. What's the deal with the can opener?

405. It's a car from Britain. It's not that weird.

406. I told him we should park away from the house

407. 'so no one would see us getting in it.'

408. 'Oh, shotgun, by the way.'

409. Whoo!

410. Better step on it, Juliet

411. Because your clean getaway just got very messy.

412. 'Let the sugar cube melt.'

413. Drop it in.

414. Extinguish the flame.

415. And drink up.

416. Ooh!

417. Whoo!

418. Oh, check it out. I love this song.

419. Serena, wh-what do you think about a B minus?

420. - I want an A plus. - I know.

421. I just think it would seem pretty obvious

422. if all of a sudden you started

423. getting As in Spanish.

424. 'I thought we were going for more of a gradual improvement.'

425. You know, you've been studying harder and..

426. And working with a.. With a tutor.

427. Aw, my tutor.

428. Mrs. Sharp. Hi.

429. Uh, we're Juliet's friends from New York.

430. Is, uh, is she around?

431. Oh. um, no, no

432. she's out running some errands for me.

433. I see. Um..

434. I guess we'll-we'll try again later.

435. Or, maybe we can come in and wait?

436. We've been dying to see her, and it was a long ride.

437. Um, sure.

438. Sure. Come on in.

439. Well, what did you say your names were?

440. Oh, we didn't.

441. I'm Blair. This is Dan and Damien.

442. Uh, I'll put the kettle on.

443. You guys sit. Um..

444. So do you go to Columbia with Jules, or..

445. - I do. - Oh.

446. Um, but, Dan goes to NYU.

447. And... Damien's in the school of life.

448. I actually know Juliet from here.

449. - I went to Knightley. - Oh.

450. Uh, so, I-I assume you know our Ben.

451. He was a damn good teacher, no matter what they say.

452. I don't remember a Mr. Sharp.

453. 'No, no, h-his last name is Donovan.'

454. 'The same as my first husband.'

455. Do you recognize him?

456. Yeah..

457. but I didn't know he was Juliet's brother.

458. Well, if I taught at Knightley

459. I wouldn't bring my... mystic pizza

460. townie family to school events either.

461. When Serena went back to the city

462. he got fired for sleeping with a student.

463. Everyone was sure it was her.

464. Is, uh, Earl Grey okay?

465. Actually, we won't be able to stay.

466. So, you're at a new school, but it's the same old thing.

467. Partying, boys.

468. Yeah, but there was one person there who was different.

469. Mr. Donovan, hey.

470. If you're wondering, no, I don't plan to drink

471. both of these coffees.

472. One is actually for you.

473. It's, uh, with two creams and no sugar.

474. I notice that's how you take it in the dining hall.

475. Thank you.

476. Um, so, if you don't mind, I was, um, wondering..

477. I actually have some questions about arbor imagery

478. in the poems of Sylvia Plath.

479. Well, I happen to know that will be on the final next week.

480. So, uh, well.. Sit down?

481. - 'Thank you.' - Yeah, of course.

482. It felt good to have someone who paid attention to me

483. for a positive reason.

484. And we began to spend more and more time together.

485. There wasn't a keg cracked within 10 miles

486. that Serena didn't know about, and then suddenly

487. she started staying home reading in her room.

488. The generous conclusion to draw would be

489. that Serena was getting her act together focusing on school.

490. Yeah, but no one thought that, they assumed she was sleeping

491. with the handsome, young English teacher.

492. Was she?

493. Well, I always thought the best about Serena, but..

494. But something made you believe it was true.

495. I was having dinner with my aunt

496. at the Millbrook Inn in Poughkeepsie.

497. Oh.

498. As we were heading out, I saw Serena

499. checking in with Mr. Donovan.

500. Uh, I.. I can't believe

501. we got a flat tire in that weather.

502. A trip to the Mary McCarthy collection

503. at the Vassar library is so not worth it.

504. Why don't you, uh

505. dry off and get something to eat

506. 'and I'll go take care of that car.'

507. What? Are you kidding? You're not going back out there.

508. You'll drown.

509. The tire's not gonna fix itself.

510. Yeah, but it'll stop raining by morning.

511. Maybe we could..

512. get a room.

513. Serena..

514. Come on, you can't act like

515. you haven't thought about it.

516. The ability to have thoughts and not act on them..

517. It's what separates man from beast.

518. You're not gonna quote your way out of this.

519. I know what the stakes are for you.

520. For me too.

521. But this is real on both sides

522. and if you deny it, you're lying.

523. I'm not a liar.

524. I'm not gonna deny anything.

525. I care about you very much, Serena..

526. Which is why I'm going to brave the weather

527. and fix the tire, so I can drive you home

528. so you can sleep in your own bed tonight.

529. You know, I think he was the only guy

530. to ever say no to me.

531. I was in love with him.

532. Well, as in love as I had ever been at that point.

533. After that, I-I.. I didn't know

534. how to act around him so..

535. We, uh.. We never really talked again.

536. This must have been very disappointing

537. to the 16 year old adventuress

538. that you were at the time

539. but when you tell this story now

540. what does it make you think?

541. That Ben Donovan was a pretty great guy.

542. Hey. Finally.

543. 'What do you need, Ben?'

544. What's with the mood?

545. Mom wear you out Christmas shopping?

546. No, we actually never

547. made it to the mall.

548. Dan and Blair showed up in Cornwall with Damien Daalgaard.

549. Damien? What's he doing with them?

550. Well, considering he's the one who sold me the pills

551. that I used on Serena, I think I have a pretty good guess.

552. Look, I told you the drugs were going too far.

553. Never mind if they go to the cops, what if those guys

554. show up at mom's and start asking questions?

555. 'Yeah, I'm sure they already did.'

556. And I'm sure they're figuring it all out right now

557. which is exactly why I..

558. am gonna finish this thing

559. once and for all like I should have done in the first place.

560. Where are you?

561. Are you in the city?

562. Juliet..

563. You have done enough.

564. Do not go after Serena.

565. - 'If you touch her—' - What?

566. It's not like you can stop me.

567. 'Hey, I-I need to make another call.'

568. Please, you've got to let me make a call.

569. Okay, fine, you make the call

570. but someone has to warn her.

571. 'Serena van der Woodsen.'

572. Hey, Archibald!

573. I'm Ben. I'm Juliet's brother.

574. Alright, you need to find Serena and make sure she's okay.

575. - Wait, wait. What? Hey! - Hey, man.

576. You gotta back up from the bars, man.

577. You can't talk to him, okay?

578. Hey, man, what's up?

579. 'Hey, when's the last time you talked with Serena?'

580. 'She's not answering her phone.'

581. No, they took it away. It's part of her therapy.

582. Oh, so she's still at the Ostroff? That's good.

583. - I guess she's safe there. - What do you mean?

584. - Safe from what? - 'I was visiting my dad.'

585. And I ran into Juliet's brother Ben?

586. He was really upset, and he, uh, seemed to think

587. Serena's in danger.

588. From-from who? Juliet?

589. 'I don't know. He didn't get a chance to say.'

590. But, uh, we should probably go check on her.

591. Can you go? I'm in Staten island.

592. No, I'm.. I'm with Blair

593. and Damien in-in Connecticut.

594. It's a long story, but..

595. Alright, meet us at the van der Woodsens'.

596. 'Serena should be okay where she is'

597. but we-we need to find Juliet.

598. 'Okay, I'll see you there.'

599. Uh-oh, S.

600. You've got a surprise visitor

601. and she's about to give you shock therapy.

602. 'Look, I think I figured it out, okay?'

603. Serena had an affair with her teacher

604. because let's face it, it's Serena, and what else

605. is there to do in Connecticut?

606. Then she came to her senses and discarded him

607. like last season's Chanel booties.

608. Then he became a crazy stalker, and Serena pressed charges.

609. That should be a warning to you, Humphrey.

610. Yeah, because the parallels are striking.

611. Never to be realized literary aspirations. Check.

612. Townie. You're from Brooklyn, so check.

613. And giving up everything to become Serena van der Woodsen's

614. stalker. Check. Face it, Humphrey.

615. You are one knitted tie away from Mr. Donovan territory.

616. Yeah, except for the fact that stalker implies one-sided.

617. Serena went to the Saints and Sinners Ball

618. because she chose me.

619. Yes, it was obvious this morning

620. at the Ostroff Center that Serena couldn't

621. wait to be in your arms.

622. And for the record, I haven't

623. given anything up to be with Serena.

624. Oh, of course not..

625. Besides your time and your dignity.

626. 'You are chauffeuring me around, aren't you?'

627. And I'm just curious, when was the last time

628. you wrote anything?

629. And scribbling D loves S

630. all over your journal every night doesn't count.

631. And the photo of me on "Gossip Girl"

632. That was you, too?

633. Yep. I went out dressed like you and partied like it was 2007.

634. And then you just left me

635. for dead in a motel room.

636. Why? Because of Nate or Colin?

637. No, you stupid bitch

638. because you destroyed my brother's life.

639. - Who's your brother? - Ben Donovan.

640. Ben is your brother?

641. Wh-what did I ever do to him?

642. The official charge is statutory rape

643. and transporting a minor across state lines.

644. But nothing happened.

645. The girl signed an affidavit stating otherwise.

646. I can't believe Serena would do this.

647. Okay. So I prove my innocence in court.

648. It's her word against mine.

649. I have to advise against going to trial.

650. They have a witness that saw you at the bed and breakfast.

651. 'You left campus with an underage student'

652. 'and drove across state lines.'

653. To a library.

654. I know. It's a bitter pill, but the girl's family

655. doesn't want the story to get out either

656. so they pressured the DA into offering a plea bargain.

657. They can do that?

658. Serena's from a powerful family.

659. And we're nobodies.

660. A plea bargain keeps the case out of the papers

661. and keeps your name off

662. the national sex offenders list.

663. 'You can start over again.'

664. After I serve time for a crime I didn't commit.

665. 'I'm sorry, Ben.'

666. Thanks to you, my brother is currently

667. serving a five-year sentence.

668. I swear, I never accused Ben of any crime.

669. He was nothing but good to me.

670. I saw the affidavit.

671. I didn't sign anything.

672. Then who did?

673. 'Lily!'

674. The party's lovely.

675. - Thank you. - Now tell me.

676. Honestly, how is Serena doing?

677. Oh, she's fine, she just needed a breather

678. And if it were up to me, she would be

679. at Canyon Ranch right now, but they were booked.

680. Actually, my sister needs more than a hot stone massage

681. 'to get better, but she's on her way to a full recovery.'

682. I'm sorry, but that was what

683. Serena wanted, and you know it.

684. Eric, somewhere between a Marlin's jersey

685. and the absolute truth lies the better part of decorum.

686. Becoming an adult is about learning the distinction.

687. You're doing some very exciting things, I hear.

688. - I appreciate that. - 'Mom, hey.'

689. - Oh, sweetheart, hi. - Well..

690. Looks like Lily heard the divorce is back on.

691. Look, I messed up. The house dad rented..

692. It was this place in Rhinebeck you guys went

693. on your first vacation. He really did wanna surprise you.

694. I'm afraid it doesn't change anything.

695. But it's not his fault

696. and now he's gonna have to go to a halfway house.

697. I'm sorry, Nate.

698. It was never gonna work.

699. We were all just fooling ourselves.

700. 'Hi, Anne!'

701. The truth is, I need this

702. more than I need your father.

703. - 'Minnie, hi.' - Hi.

704. How are you? Is that one of your designs?

705. - It is. - Oh! You look adorable.

706. - Thank you. - Come.

707. I need to catch up with you.

708. 'Good evening, on behalf of Bass Industries'

709. I'd like to wish you all a very happy holiday.

710. I'd also like to acknowledge my stepmother

711. 'and all the work she's done for the company.'

712. Serena, what is she doing here?

713. It's okay. I asked Juliet to come.

714. Wait here. I'm gonna go talk to my mom.

715. Okay.

716. Serena will explain.

717. and I've tried to do what's best for my family.

718. It's the one thing

719. that has always guided me.

720. Serena! What a lovely surprise.

721. - Everything okay? - I need to talk to you.

722. Okay. Well, let's just take a few photos real quick. Smile.

723. - What's going on? - I don't know.

724. But I feel a little sick inside

725. and not just because I'm looking at him.

726. What, have you come to recruit another virgin

727. 'to be your drug mule?'

728. I would say, why, are you available?

729. But I'm leaving. Thanks for the ride into the city.

730. - 'Okay, that's enough.' - Thanks for helping.

731. 'Just one more.'

732. 'I can't do this.'

733. Hi. I'm-I'm Serena. I'm Lily's daughter.

734. I wasn't gonna be able to make it tonight because, um

735. I was actually at the Ostroff Center.

736. 'But if it were up to my mother, she'd have you'

737. 'believe that I was at Canyon Ranch.'

738. That's because having a daughter who's in a mental hospital

739. threatens her carefully protected image.

740. She wants you all to think that she's the perfect host

741. and mother and wife

742. but the truth is she's a selfish liar

743. who will destroy anyone who stands in her way.

744. Time to turn on the charm, Lily

745. because your perfect party just turned into the perfect storm.

746. I apologize, I told Serena she couldn't take

747. the company plane to Belize for Christmas break

748. and apparently, she took it harder than I realized.

749. Go find out what's going on with your sister.

750. Please, Rufus

751. take the holiday to get things under control.

752. With the upcoming sale of Bass Industries

753. we don't need any more surprises.

754. Lily said she told you.

755. Of course. Forgive me. Um..

756. It's been a dizzying few days.

757. Look, I don't know what's going on

758. but Serena brought Juliet here tonight.

759. Don't take one step closer to her.

760. How do you feel about prison food and daily strip searches?

761. 'B, it's okay. I talked to Juliet.'

762. She's not the problem anymore. It's my mom.

763. Well, clearly, she's drugged Serena again.

764. Dan, write a list of everything

765. Damien said that he sold to Juliet, and you

766. look at the list and tell us which one of those drugs

767. causes you to repeatedly trust psychopaths.

768. And you call the police.

769. Okay, nobody is calling the police.

770. I know everything that Juliet did

771. 'and nothing excuses it'

772. But the van der Woodsens are not putting any more

773. Of her family members behind bars.

774. Juliet, I'll find a way to get

775. Ben out of prison, I promise.

776. 'You're free to go now.'

777. What? No! No, this is unacceptable.

778. Juliet has tried to hurt you too many times.

779. 'You can't just let her walk away.'

780. Blair's right, Serena.

781. I promise I won't do anything to harm Serena again

782. 'or anyone else for that matter.'

783. Yeah, that's reassuring.

784. I'm sorry.

785. I just spent a day in a car with Dan Humphrey

786. to try to track her down and you're just letting her leave.

787. I really need someone to tell me what's going on.

788. Okay, look, I'll explain everything to everyone.

789. I just need to talk to my mom first.

790. I apologize, Charles.

791. It seems that my biological children

792. don't understand that when business is at stake

793. you need to leave your dirty laundry in the hamper.

794. Is that what Ben Donovan was to you, dirty laundry?

795. Who's Ben Donovan?

796. He was my boarding school teacher.

797. Mom falsely accused him of statutory rape

798. 'so now he's serving time for a crime he didn't commit.'

799. Is that what the Ostroff Center calls treatment these days?

800. Public scenes and false accusations?

801. Juliet is Ben's sister. She told me everything.

802. So, please, no more lying. What happened?

803. You wanted to come home, and I wanted you here.

804. But when Constance saw your records from Knightley

805. they wouldn't take you back, and it was the same

806. with all the decent schools.

807. And I-I was worried about your future

808. so I went to Knightley

809. and talked to the administration.

810. Of course you did.

811. Well, when I was on campus

812. there were some girls gossiping about you.

813. 'They said that you had spent the night'

814. at a bed and breakfast with one of your teachers.

815. That was just gossip.

816. Well, it was gossip I could use to our advantage.

817. I expressed my concern to the school

818. that one of their teachers was having

819. an inappropriate relationship with my underage daughter.

820. So you sent Ben to prison so that I could go to Constance?

821. Well, no! O-of course not.

822. But after I left, the school

823. alerted the authorities and then I didn't know

824. what I had set in motion until I was contacted by the DA.

825. And by then, it was too late.

826. What, too late to tell the truth?

827. So you just destroy a man's life

828. all so that you can keep up appearances?

829. No, I did this for you, for your future.

830. Look, it's not like Mr. Donovan was guilt-free.

831. He-he shouldn't have been having an affair with a student.

832. But he didn't do anything. Nothing ever happened.

833. Serena, you don't have to protect him.

834. I'm not protecting him. He never touched me, mom.

835. You sent an innocent man to prison.

836. Look, everyone here has crossed the line at some point

837. to protect someone they care about.

838. Sometimes..

839. There's collateral damage.

840. It's not so easy when you're the collateral damage.

841. Maybe it's time to put everything on the table.

842. Lily, do you have something you need to tell Chuck?

843. Well, if there was something I wanted to tell Charles

844. I would have told him.

845. Lily's selling Bass Industries.

846. It's all very complicated. I had to talk to the board first.

847. I trusted you

848. with my father's company.

849. I want it back..

850. immediately.

851. Do you really think the board would allow me to give

852. the company to someone who just disappeared for three months?

853. 'Your instability is the reason that I ended up in charge'

854. 'in the first place.'

855. I won't let you do this, Lily.

856. Serena, I'm so sorry. Please believe me.

857. You-you have to.

858. I don't have to do anything for you ever again.

859. I..

860. I didn't wanna hurt anyone, Rufus.

861. 'I really thought I was helping.'

862. I'm sorry, Lily, I-I don't know

863. that I believe that anymore.

864. They say you reap what you sow.

865. Better get out your gardening gloves, Lily.

866. Looks like you're going to have a bumper crop this year.

867. See, I told you, food is more delicious

868. when you cook it yourself.

869. Yep, that's why we're gonna end this experiment

870. in middle class living and call housekeeping to clean up.

871. No way! I stuck my hand up a turkey's butt.

872. 'You're not getting out of your job.'

873. 'Well, I provided the location, so I did my part.'

874. Now I'm off to New Zealand to enjoy a taste of summer

875. and girls who like sex games in the rain forest.

876. Well, I'll help clear, it's only fitting

877. seeing as I did the shopping, set the table

878. and oversaw the cooking.

879. Alright.

880. - 'Is that Lily?' - By proxy.

881. She's in Montecito so she's having CeCe call.

882. Is Rufus going to join her?

883. Yeah, but he's, uh, driving out on his own.

884. I think he needed time to clear his head.

885. See? I told you road trips are strictly for Humphreys.

886. Since my mom isn't gonna help get Ben out of jail

887. I wanna find the judge whose name is on the affidavit.

888. I think that he lives upstate, so I thought I'd turn it

889. into a road trip.

890. Why don't you come with me?

891. Uh, how long were you thinking?

892. Well, I have to be back by the time school starts.

893. I called Dean Reuther and explained

894. that it wasn't me that dropped out, she was not happy

895. but she did reinstate me.

896. Goodbye, friends, Dan.

897. I'll see you in the new year.

898. Wait. I'll, uh, I'll walk you out. Here.

899. New Zealand? That's awfully close to Australia.

900. You know me. I like the heat.

901. Well, you'll get plenty of it if you try to make a deal

902. with the devil.

903. Jack will never help you.

904. Maybe, but a shared enemy makes for unlikely friends.

905. You ready?

906. Happy Holidays, Blair.

907. Hey, I'm sorry to just

908. spring a road trip on you like that.

909. I didn't even ask what your plans for the break were.

910. Oh, no, I don't really have any plans.

911. I was..

912. sort of hoping to hang out with you and..

913. go see some movies, maybe get some writing done.

914. Well, then why don't you come with me?

915. You could still write. Come on. It would be so much fun.

916. It would be just the two of us listening to the radio

917. and eating roadside food and..

918. we could do a little recon along the way.

919. What do you say? I think it would be good for us.

920. But would it be good for you?

921. Serena, I would love to go away with you, but..

922. It feels like this trip is something you might

923. need to do on your own.

924. I've been trying so hard to prove to the world

925. that I've changed.

926. But I think the person that doubted the most was me.

927. I'm gonna work on that.

928. And you'll succeed.

929. I know you will.

930. I mean, I know you better than anyone.

931. Be safe.

932. Whenever we give up something we really care about

933. we hope that the universe will reward

934. our selfless choice.

935. Hey, dad, how's it going?

936. I've done some research on my options

937. for halfway houses, and some of them aren't too bad.

938. I mean, after prison, it's not like I need the Four Seasons.

939. - What about The Empire? - What do you mean?

940. Well, I spoke with the parole board.

941. I gave them my address as where you'll be reporting in January.

942. I want you to come back to a home.

943. Thank you, Nate.

944. I can't tell you how much this means to me.

945. Well, I'm out buying you some new clothes.

946. I know you've been locked away for a while

947. but no one's wearing orange this season.

948. However, it's not always fate

949. that gives us a gift.

950. Sometimes it's someone closer to home.

951. 'What are you still doing here?'

952. Shouldn't you be off living your dream..

953. Days on end in a real car with Serena?

954. No, I'm staying here, so actually I'll be living out

955. my nightmare, trapped in the city

956. with only Blair Waldorf to talk to.

957. Nate's here, I'll share custody

958. as long as I'm in first position.

959. No, Nate's with his grandfather.

960. - Eric, then. - Gstaad with Elliot.

961. Please don't continue down the list.

962. I-I promise you, it's just me, I won't be calling.

963. 'I'm gonna be very busy writing'

964. 'turning Vanessa's room into an office.'

965. Seeing "Nenette" at the film forum.

966. I'm seeing "Nenette" at film forum.

967. You like French documentaries about orangutans?

968. "Nenette" is an inspiration.

969. Last summer, I'd go to the Jardin des Plantes

970. all the time just to visit her.

971. If we happen to run into each other..

972. - Please don't sit next to me. - I wouldn't think of it.

973. Let's just finish these dishes

974. so we can go home, alright?

975. I'll wash. You dry.

976. You wouldn't know how to handle Riedel.

977. This coming from the one holding what appears to be

978. a bottle of L'Occitane shampoo.

979. You can't wash

980. good wineglasses in common dish soap.

981. Just follow my lead, Humphrey.

982. You're used to doing that.

983. Excuse me.

984. Could you please just tell me what's going on?

985. My mom and sister are out of town

986. so I know they aren't visiting.

987. Serena.

988. What are you doing here?

989. I had to come see you.

990. I don't know what to say.

991. Neither do I.

992. But I feel like I should start.

993. If you love someone, set them free.

994. XOXO, Gossip Girl.