Good Talk with Anthony Jeselnik 1x6

1. - Welcome to "Good Talk with Anthony Jeselnik,"

2. where I talk to one of my friends the whole time.

3. It's like a podcast, except... nothing.

4. It's exactly like a podcast.

5. My guest tonight is the splendiferous Natasha Leggero.

6. Comedian, actress, wife, mother—

7. in order of importance to her.

8. - Natasha, thank you for being here tonight.

9. I really appreciate it.

10. - I wasn't expecting the set...

11. It doesn't not look like your apartment.

12. - What were you expecting?

13. - I thought it was gonna be, like, your last talk show.

14. - Like, I've got a new show,

15. make it look like the one that got cancelled.

16. - Now, of all the guests I've had on the show,

17. I've known you the longest.

18. We've known each other almost 20 years.

19. I knew you were a star the second I saw you.

20. Was the feeling mutual?

21. - Um...

22. I'm sorry, but I don't remember the first time I saw you...

23. - It's okay.

24. - Here's what I remember about you.

25. I thought maybe you were, like—

26. you were always very nice, but I was like,

27. "Is he, like, a fraternity dude?"

28. Like, I wasn't sure 'cause we were, like,

29. really young then, and you would always wear,

30. like, this blue Oxford.

31. - Yeah, it's funny. I had to—

32. people thought I was rich.

33. My parents gave me a Brooks Brothers credit card.

34. They're like, "So when you have a job interview,

35. you can buy a suit."

36. And I was like, "Yeah, I can't afford to do laundry."

37. - Oh, that's why you always wore that?

38. - I would go to Brooks Brothers and buy new shirts, like,

39. every couple of, like, months,

40. and then just wear those all the time.

41. But I had no money.

42. I just had Brooks Brothers clothes.

43. - Interesting. - Yeah, yeah.

44. You grew up in Rockford, Illinois.

45. - Yeah. - How much did that suck?

46. - It sucked.

47. Rockford was rated the worst place to raise a family

48. by "Forbes" magazine.

49. - Really?

50. - Like, you can't even get a croissant there.

51. - There's...

52. - How does someone as cultured and refined as you are now

53. come from Rockford, Illinois?

54. - Well, it's an act. It's aspirational.

55. - Do you or do you not own gloves

56. that go all the way to your elbow?

57. - Well, that's 'cause I figured out

58. if I was on stage and saying, like,

59. mean things, I could, like,

60. be even meaner if I was wearing gloves.

61. - I think of all the actors that I've seen,

62. who have, like, transitioned into comedy,

63. I gotta say you're the best one.

64. Who are your influences comedically

65. that brought you from acting to stand-up comedy?

66. - Well, in Rockford,

67. I somehow got into the theater there—

68. like, a regional theater.

69. You know what a regional theater is?

70. - Like, community theater? - No.

71. It's, like, half professional actors,

72. and then half, like, delusional townspeople.

73. And so,

74. I somehow got to be the child in all of these productions,

75. so I was in the theater, like, my whole childhood.

76. So my influences, I would say,

77. early on, were—

78. I became obsessed with Neil Simon,

79. and I read, like, every Neil Simon play,

80. and that was comedy,

81. 'cause I know you're not that cultured.

82. - I know who Neil Simon is.

83. And then I loved Miss Piggy.

84. - What did you love about Miss Piggy?

85. - I just thought it was funny.

86. Like, she was glamorous, but, like, kinda straight.

87. Like, she would, like, kick your ass, you know?

88. - Mm-hmm.

89. - And then I really loved John Waters.

90. - What did you like so much about John Waters?

91. - Well, I thought it was funny.

92. Like, I would just hear him talk,

93. and I remember he was saying he wished he was a woman

94. 'cause then he could get an abortion,

95. and I was just like, "Oh, I love the idea

96. of saying what you weren't supposed to say."

97. - Mm-hmm. I wanna show you a clip

98. of John Waters— one of my favorite clips.

99. This is John Waters doing

100. a non-smoking public service announcement

101. that they would play in front of movies.

102. Once movie theaters switched over from smoking to,

103. like, you can't smoke,

104. they would have the famous people do PSAs.

105. - Oh, right. - And this was his.

106. - So, once again,

107. no smoking in this theater.

108. Mmm...

109. - He's so cool. - He's so cool.

110. And the coolest thing about it is that

111. they ran that in movie theaters.

112. - You moved from New York City to Los Angeles

113. shortly before the events of September 11, 2001.

114. I don't have a question. It just seems pretty convenient.

115. You know, I was actually cheating on a boyfriend I had

116. the morning of 9/11.

117. So I woke up...

118. At a hotel room,

119. and I had, like, 45 new messages.

120. And I was like, "Oh, my God." Like, "I'm so busted."

121. And then I would, like, "Phew, it's just 9/11."

122. - So you were relieved when you saw...

123. - Well, I didn't know... - The towers come down.

124. - Obviously, that's just a joke, but yes.

125. No, I—then I found out, like, how serious it was.

126. - But it must've been a real scare

127. before you found out about the terrorist attack.

128. Natasha, your stage persona

129. is so, kind of, like,

130. precise and ice cold.

131. Like, did you start out that way?

132. Like, tell me about your first time on stage.

133. - I actually did stand-up kind of as a dare to myself.

134. And I had such an amazing set

135. that I had an out-of-body experience.

136. The laughter felt like waves.

137. Like, I—I had never felt anything like this before.

138. And then I remembered my...

139. Hairdresser had given me, like, a half of a Xanax,

140. and I had never taken pills before,

141. so I was actually just on drugs.

142. - That helps some people.

143. - And then the second time I went up, I bombed.

144. - I remember the— my second time on stage,

145. I had a panic attack—like, a full-blown panic attack.

146. I didn't know what was happening.

147. - Really? - Yeah.

148. I just remember, like, walking off

149. The Ice House Open Mic,

150. going into the bathroom and just, like, covered,

151. drenched in sweat, hyperventilating.

152. It was, like, "What just happened to me?"

153. Didn't get on stage again for months.

154. - Well, I think what happened—

155. probably the same thing happened—

156. is we had a good first set,

157. so then you get really confident.

158. - Exactly. - And you're, like,

159. nowhere ready to, like, really be...

160. - Yeah. - I remember I had,

161. in my head, for my second set,

162. I was gonna tell everyone the Open Mic I was gonna be at next.

163. - So I was gonna be like,

164. "May 23rd at, you know, the Laundromat on Virgil."

165. Like, I just—and, like—

166. I just ended up, like, totally eating it.

167. - Did you still tell them where you were gonna be next?

168. - No.

169. I didn't have the tools to, like,

170. even stay on stage in a bad set.

171. - And when you say tools, do you mean Xanax?

172. - So in your newest Netflix special,

173. "The Honeymoon Stand Up Special,"

174. like, you do stand-up first,

175. then your husband Moshe does stand-up,

176. and the two of you come on stage together?

177. - We roast couples.

178. - Let's take a look at that right now.

179. - What's your name? - Sebastian.

180. - Of course it is.

181. - And...

182. What about—what about you? - I'm Cat.

183. - Cat. - Sebastian and Cat.

184. - And do you guys share a unicycle,

185. or do you each have your own?

186. - You converted to Judaism for your husband Moshe.

187. Wouldn't it have just been easier to marry someone else?

188. Am I supposed to answer these?

189. - Like, did you have to convert to marry him?

190. - No, honestly,

191. him going to Burning Man every year

192. has been much more of an adjustment.

193. - I basically married into this,

194. and now he's never missed a year.

195. Like, even when I was pregnant, I went.

196. One of the reasons why I had a baby with him

197. is 'cause I was, like,

198. "Now I'll never have to go to Burning Man with him."

199. - You've always seemed

200. very Jewish to me even before you converted.

201. - I mean, Judaism is just a superior religion.

202. - How so? - Well, like, when I was young,

203. I went to Catholic school my whole life and, like,

204. every time I would ask a question,

205. I'd have to, like, go out into the hall.

206. And, like, part of Judaism is,

207. like, ask all the questions.

208. Like, in the Talmud, like, their main text,

209. is in the middle of it, is, like,

210. rabbis fighting over, like, what's the right thing.

211. - You like rabbi fights?

212. - Well, I think it's stimulating.

213. You're, like, talking about ideas and...

214. - I mean, I was raised Catholic, and I hated it,

215. but I would overcorrect so much as to say that Judaism's good.

216. - So do you call yourself a Catholic?

217. - No, I— you know what I call myself?

218. An "apatheist."

219. It's like— it's an atheist,

220. but you don't care if there's a God.

221. It's like, "I don't wanna argue with you.

222. "I'm gonna act this way no matter what,

223. "and if when I die, I'm in hell,

224. "so be it.

225. I had a great time here at 'Good Talk.'"

226. - Can't argue with that. We'll be right back.

227. - Welcome back.

228. If you're just joining us, there's no way

229. you're going to be able to follow the rest of the show,

230. and there's nothing I can do about it.

231. Natasha, I'm gonna hit you with some Agree or Disagree.

232. - Okay. - I'm gonna read you a statement

233. about comedy or stand-up comedy,

234. and you tell me if you agree with it

235. or disagree with it, all right?

236. Agree or disagree.

237. It sucks to have people you know in the audience.

238. - Oh, the worst. - The worst.

239. - I mean, my dad told all of our, like,

240. swamp relatives from New Orleans

241. to come to one of my shows,

242. and they sat in the first two rows—

243. got kicked out.

244. We had to ask them to leave. I mean, it was a nightmare.

245. - Your father once heckled me...

246. - At a comedy club in Florida.

247. He just kept screaming, "Anthony! Anthony!"

248. And I'm like, "What is happening?"

249. Finally, I'm like, "What, sir? What?"

250. He just goes, "I'm Natasha's dad."

251. He's like that.

252. He, like, always wants to be in the show.

253. He's like, "Hey, take some shots of me up there."

254. - Yeah. - I'm like, "Okay."

255. - I didn't know what he wanted.

256. I just, like— I got off stage and, like,

257. shook his hand and walked away.

258. He didn't even— he didn't wanna come back

259. and say hello or talk to me.

260. He just needed me to know... - Wait, tell the stor...

261. - That Natasha's dad was in the audience.

262. - Say what you said though.

263. - I just changed the joke.

264. I was doing a joke about taking a friend to get an abortion,

265. and I made—I changed the person's name to Natasha.

266. - He loved that. - He did?

267. Good.

268. I'm glad I could give him something, you know?

269. - He doesn't have a lot of comedy in his life.

270. - Agree or disagree.

271. For a comic to be relatable to the audience,

272. they have to show vulnerability.

273. - I disagree.

274. I think it's nice.

275. - I don't know about nice. I think it's helpful.

276. - Helpful. It's not essential. - It's easier.

277. But neither one of us is vulnerable

278. in any way whatsoever.

279. - Who's a vulnerable comedian?

280. - Most comedians. - You think?

281. - Yeah, people wanna tell you

282. what's wrong with them, you know, whereas,

283. we're like, "Here's how we're better than you."

284. - You're right.

285. I've never really done self-effacing comedy.

286. - No, I've never told a self-deprecating joke

287. in my life...

288. - Me neither. - And I hate the people that do.

289. It's a crutch.

290. - It does get people to like you.

291. - Mm-hmm, 'cause they, like,

292. "Oh, I'm better than this person."

293. Like, they want, like, an overweight comedian

294. to come up and tell fat jokes about themselves.

295. They don't want you, like, pointing at them being like,

296. "Hey, you fat piece of shit."

297. You know? They don't like that.

298. Agree or disagree.

299. Never eat the food at a comedy club.

300. - Disagree.

301. - Which comedy club do you eat food at?

302. - The ones that have, like,

303. a nice menu from the Italian restaurant next door.

304. It's gonna be fine. - Yeah, the next door,

305. but you're not eating mozzarella sticks every night.

306. - No, or, like, mac and cheese bites.

307. - Yeah, yeah. - But some of the food is fine.

308. - The statement wasn't,

309. "Never eat within a five-mile radius of a comedy club."

310. It was, like, don't eat from their kitchen.

311. - No, it's always, like, chicken fingers that, like—

312. you know, they, like, feed the chickens Oreos and garbage.

313. - Have you ever done Helium in Portland?

314. - Yeah. - I did that club once, and I—

315. literally, I got there every night,

316. and I ordered a different thing from the menu

317. because everything was so bad.

318. I thought if I can just get something in my stomach,

319. I'll be okay, so I ordered, like, one of everything.

320. They were, like, running back and forth for me.

321. And it was all bad. It was terrible.

322. And at the end of the week and I'm ready to leave,

323. and the "head chef" is standing out front waiting for his tip

324. because he thought I loved everything so much

325. that I couldn't get enough of it,

326. and I had hand him hundreds of dollars.

327. - Don't you have any love in your heart, Anthony?

328. I mean, give the chef a tip.

329. You're rich. - Don't call him a chef.

330. He was the guy who opened up the loose meat.

331. If you talk about eating pussy on stage,

332. you are great at eating pussy in real life.

333. Agree or disagree? - Disagree.

334. - I disagree as well.

335. - They're probably bad at it or too good at it.

336. - You could be too good at eating pussy?

337. - Well, like, there's, like, a book that was—

338. I had...

339. I had a boyfriend who read—

340. his, like, brother was reading a book about it,

341. and it was, like, this man was, like,

342. talking about how to eat pussy

343. and you could tell he was such a dork and he, like—

344. I think he even had an example of doing it

345. with a glass of wine...

346. - With a glass of wine?

347. - Like you're eating pussy and drinking wine.

348. Like, yeah. - Okay.

349. Do you remember the name of the book?

350. - I'm sure you could Google it.

351. - Someone Google "glass of wine/eating pussy."

352. - He was...

353. - And that was Agree or Disagree.

354. This next segment is called,

355. Is This a 16-Year-Old Girl's "Pin-te-rest,"

356. or Dane Cook's Instagram?

357. - Are you ready?

358. You're on Instagram, right? - You said "Pin-te-rest,"

359. with, like, many syllables. - I don't know.

360. Yeah, they make fun of me a lot.

361. I thought it was "Pin-te-rest." - It's "Pin-trist."

362. - "Pin-trist," yeah. - Two syllables, not three.

363. "Pin-trist." - Well, excuse me all to hell.

364. I'm 40 years old.

365. Let's look at this first one.

366. Is this a 16-Year-Old Girl's Pinterest,

367. or Dane Cook's Instagram?

368. - I would say that's 16 year old's Pinterest.

369. - Let's see.

370. It's the Dane man.

371. Let's look at number two.

372. Do you think this is an actual quote,

373. or do you think someone thought of this

374. and then decided to put quotes around it

375. 'cause they thought it seemed like it was more important?

376. - This definitely feels like a 15 year old in love.

377. - Mm-hmm. Let's see.

378. Cook.

379. - What about this one?

380. Dane Cook,

381. or someone Dane Cook would date?

382. - I would say this is Dane.

383. - This has gotta be Dane, right?

384. It's Dane.

385. We got one more. - Okay.

386. - This last one could be a curveball.

387. 16-year-old girl or Dane Cook?

388. - I feel like I'm gonna hack the game

389. 'cause I think these might all be Dane Cook's Instagram,

390. so I'm gonna say Dane Cook's Instagram...

391. - Did she hack the game?

392. She Dane-d the game.

393. These have all been Dane Cook,

394. even though they all could've easily been

395. 16-year-old girls on their "Pin-te-rest."

396. - We'll be right back with more—

397. so much more it'll make you sick.

398. "Good Talk."

399. - Welcome back to "Good Talk."

400. My guest is Natasha Leggero,

401. I'm Anthony Jeselnik,

402. and all three of us are living up to our names tonight.

403. - Who's "all three of us"?

404. - Like, the show, me, and you. - Oh, I see.

405. - Doesn't really make a lot of sense,

406. but there's gonna be a lot of things

407. especially coming up that don't make any sense at all.

408. - Okay.

409. - Natasha, all comedians have to endure

410. morning radio at some point in their careers.

411. - Ugh. - Do you still have to do it?

412. - Yes. - Do you like it?

413. Do you hate it? - No.

414. - No one likes it. - It's awful.

415. - It's awful. I just hate, like,

416. a comedian who's like, a creature of the night—

417. has to get up at 6:00 a.m. to go talk to some asshole.

418. - And always, like, as a woman, it's, like,

419. I'd say 90% of the male DJs are like,

420. "Ooh, look at her. Here she is.

421. She's a spinner."

422. I've been called a spinner

423. by a morning radio DJ

424. I'd say maybe 50 times.

425. - I don't even know what that means.

426. - It means that you're so small,

427. they can sit you on their dick and spin you around.

428. You didn't know what that means?

429. - It makes sense now that you described it.

430. Well, listen, I wanna give you a chance

431. to answer the kind of questions they ask you on morning radio,

432. but answer them how you would like to answer them,

433. not like you're trying to sell tickets

434. to the San Jose Improv.

435. Natasha, when did you know you were funny?

436. - You're putting me through morning radio right now?

437. - I'm saying you can answer however you want.

438. You can be like, "Fuck you. I've always been funny."

439. - Oh, I see.

440. - "When'd you know you were a fat piece of shit

441. who had to do morning radio for a living?"

442. That's what I'm looking for here.

443. So Natasha, when did you know you were funny?

444. - Fuck you, you fat piece of shit.

445. - How do you come up with your material?

446. - I live life, unlike you.

447. - That was great. - Was that mean?

448. Too mean? - No, that was totally great.

449. You're a total spinner right now.

450. - Hey, how do you remember all that up there?

451. - I don't know.

452. I have a high IQ, you fat piece of shit.

453. How's that?

454. - I like the idea of someone just tuning in right now

455. and being like, "Why does she keep calling him fat?"

456. What's it like being a female comedian?

457. - I've been asked what it's like to be a female comedian

458. in 100% of my interviews ever,

459. so fuck you.

460. - Is there a line in comedy?

461. - I mean, these are the most annoying questions, Anthony.

462. - That is the point.

463. - Of the entire segment,

464. which we're probably gonna cut out

465. because you're such a little spinner.

466. Shut up.

467. - You must get nervous before the show, huh?

468. Is that why you drink so much?

469. - You know what?

470. You are having a fucking fajita party at 6:00 a.m.

471. Get a life.

472. - I do love when you go to morning radio and they're like,

473. "Do you guys want some ribs?"

474. - And you're like, "What are you—

475. why would I want ribs right now?"

476. - They're like, "Cinco de Mayo all month," or whatever.

477. - Comedy must be pretty easy right now

478. with everything that's going on, huh?

479. - You know what? I have to go.

480. - Perfect answer.

481. Now, we've got a special surprise for you, Natasha.

482. You did so well with that,

483. we're gonna tear off the Band-Aid

484. and dig inside that open wound, all right?

485. It's time for How Do You Like Your Harvey?

486. - All right?

487. - Now, Steve Harvey is king, no doubt.

488. - Oh, my God.

489. - But he's a king of many different looks.

490. We chose six different Steve Harvey looks...

491. - Out of 24.

492. I want you to put these in your order of preference

493. of how you like your Harvey from one to six.

494. - Wow. Okay, okay.

495. I would say...

496. Kay.

497. - You like Matador Harvey the most.

498. - Well, I mean— whatever that is.

499. - You think that's better than this one?

500. - That's second 'cause he's almost trying a little too hard.

501. It looks like someone dressed him for, like, a bit,

502. whereas, like, he just thinks this is a good outfit.

503. - Mm-hmm.

504. - Love a beret.

505. - He really pimps the beret. - Oh, this is cool.

506. - I like Surprise Steve Harvey.

507. He, like, just heard about what buttons can do.

508. I mean, I'm kind of into, like, suit lengths,

509. and, like, this is too long.

510. - Yes. - Right? Okay.

511. - That is too long. - Just checking.

512. My husband's mother is, like, very into, like,

513. camping aesthetic for her clothing,

514. and she always wears, like, those ventilated hats,

515. so I'm gonna put this here.

516. - Is your mother-in-law Steve Harvey?

517. No.

518. This is rough.

519. I think he has machine guns on his pants.

520. I'd say these are both a tie for the last.

521. - You know what's funny is

522. this is the same day for Steve Harvey.

523. - That's the same time.

524. He's just wearing it differently.

525. So, you actually hacked the game, Natasha.

526. - All right.

527. - And that is How Natasha Likes Her Harvey.

528. And yes, there was only one right answer,

529. and you got it.

530. - Really? - Yes.

531. - Oh, awesome. - You nailed it.

532. Guys, let's take this away and burn it.

533. You're gonna wanna stick around for the D block

534. because if you don't,

535. your children will be born without eyes.

536. But first,

537. check out the most self-evident thing ever created.

538. - Welcome home, friends.

539. Natasha, when a comedian passes away,

540. it's usually sad, but the work lives on forever,

541. making people laugh for generations to come,

542. which brings us to our last segment,

543. Make God Laugh.

544. Is there any comedian who's passed away

545. that you, like, really would like to showcase,

546. or someone that you really care about?

547. - Not really. I have to go.

548. - Okay, cool.

549. Thank you so much for being here.

550. You've been wonderful.

551. And that's it for "Good Talk."

552. My thanks to the captivating and hilarious Natasha Leggero.

553. You can check out Natasha on her new show on CBS.

554. As for the rest of you, good talk.