1. Something's up.Copy !req
2. Something big?Copy !req
3. The Archangel Gabriel has vanished.Copy !req
4. Argh! Gabriel!Copy !req
5. Gabriel...Copy !req
6. He's in trouble.Copy !req
7. Who am I?Copy !req
8. We need to keep him here and hide him.Copy !req
9. Hooray!
Let the book selling commence.Copy !req
10. You been together long?Copy !req
11. - Who?
- You and your partner.Copy !req
12. Oh, no, no, it's not like that.Copy !req
13. I am an angel.
You are a demon.Copy !req
14. We're hereditary enemies.Copy !req
15. Get thee behind me, fowl fiend.Copy !req
16. After you.Copy !req
17. 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.
What's all this then?Copy !req
18. - Who's this now?
- Inspector Constable.Copy !req
19. - That's my name.
- Of course it is.Copy !req
20. Crowley's got Gabriel, hasn't he?Copy !req
21. We storm the bookshop, killing anythingCopy !req
22. that stands in our way.Copy !req
23. I haven't done this since the great war.Copy !req
24. You blew up your halo!Copy !req
25. I think we need to have
a bit of a chinwag.Copy !req
26. He asked who I thought
should take over in heaven.Copy !req
27. There's only one candidate,
and that's you.Copy !req
28. - Tell me you said "no."
- I can make a difference.Copy !req
29. I mean, if Gabriel and Beelzebub
can go off together,Copy !req
30. then it could have been us.Copy !req
31. I forgive you.Copy !req
32. Don't bother.Copy !req
33. The next step
in the great plan.Copy !req
34. Can I know what it is?Copy !req
35. We call it "The Second Coming."Copy !req
36. Makes you wonder
what God's really planning.Copy !req
37. I can't believe it's over.Copy !req
38. And over in a glorious victory,
Aziraphale.Copy !req
39. Quite outstanding.Copy !req
40. Yes, I suppose so.Copy !req
41. At a cost, of course.Copy !req
42. How many did we lose
in the last offensive?Copy !req
43. About a hundred, I'm afraid.Copy !req
44. They took us by surprise.Copy !req
45. The whole thing was ghastly.Copy !req
46. Aziraphale was inspiring
and a remarkable strategist.Copy !req
47. Just doing my job.Copy !req
48. The battle fought here,Copy !req
49. at the centre of all creation,Copy !req
50. turned the tide.Copy !req
51. They tried to gain control
of the Eternal Flame,Copy !req
52. and they lost!Copy !req
53. Better tell the troops
the good news, eh?Copy !req
54. If you shout out or do anything
to attract attention,Copy !req
55. you will be a dead angel.
Do you understand?Copy !req
56. Give me the sword.Copy !req
57. So you didn't actually
have a weapon, then,Copy !req
58. - when you were threatening me?
- No.Copy !req
59. I lost it in the last battle.Copy !req
60. Hello. I'm...Copy !req
61. General Aziraphale,
I know who you are.Copy !req
62. I saw you on the battlefield.Copy !req
63. I have a lot of questions,Copy !req
64. and nobody ever has the answers.Copy !req
65. What's wrong?Copy !req
66. It may hurt, but...Copy !req
67. it'll help to staunch
the wound a little.Copy !req
68. You know, I've spent the warCopy !req
69. smiting Rebel Angels.Copy !req
70. I've never done this before.Copy !req
71. Should I say thank you?Copy !req
72. Better not.Copy !req
73. Thank you for the bandage.Copy !req
74. Probably best if you don't, er...Copy !req
75. don't tell anyone
how you got it.Copy !req
76. Good luck.Copy !req
77. And well done, everyone,
on planned Second Coming.Copy !req
78. And, in addition,Copy !req
79. I'd like to congratulate
Michael and the teamCopy !req
80. on solving the logistics
of materialisingCopy !req
81. a full-size plane carrying
a human passengerCopy !req
82. in mid-flight.Copy !req
83. And I'm glad to see
you are all as excited as I am.Copy !req
84. Any updates?Copy !req
85. Ah, yes, Muriel.Copy !req
86. You wanted me to tell you
when he was awake.Copy !req
87. And incarnate.Copy !req
88. And, well, he is. Both.Copy !req
89. Wonderful.
And how did he take it?Copy !req
90. Um, pretty well.Copy !req
91. He's a bit...Copy !req
92. "Whoa, I've got a body,Copy !req
93. what's this about, then?"
And I'm all,Copy !req
94. "Not really my job,"
and he's all,Copy !req
95. "I have absolutely no idea
what's happening,"Copy !req
96. - and I'm all—
- Everything is set.Copy !req
97. We have the quite long...Copy !req
98. checklist you gave us, Aziraphale.Copy !req
99. - Nothing will go wrong.
- Ahh.Copy !req
100. The car will meet the plane
on the tarmac.Copy !req
101. The Archangel Sandalphon,
good fellow,Copy !req
102. will drive the Risen Christ
directly to the United Nations,Copy !req
103. where Uriel and Michael
will meet him.Copy !req
104. Perhaps with a cup of tea.Copy !req
105. Then Jesus will
make his speechCopy !req
106. to all the nations of the world,Copy !req
107. in all the tongues of the world,Copy !req
108. and then joy unbounded,Copy !req
109. peace on earth,Copy !req
110. and all that good stuff.Copy !req
111. Peace on Earth?Copy !req
112. Right, any questions?
No, good.Copy !req
113. Right. Let's kick off
the Second Coming.Copy !req
114. Oh, hello!Copy !req
115. Um... so I'm pretty sureCopy !req
116. I am Joshua,
er, Son of Joseph.Copy !req
117. Now, my memory's
a bit funny,Copy !req
118. but the last thing I remember,
I was being crucified.Copy !req
119. You transcended the flesh.Copy !req
120. But now you're back.
New flesh.Copy !req
121. And we're sending you
back to EarthCopy !req
122. to bring about
universal happiness.Copy !req
123. Are you sure you've gotCopy !req
124. - the right person?
- Oh, absolutely certain.Copy !req
125. You've spent the last couple
of thousand yearsCopy !req
126. as part
of the triune godhead,Copy !req
127. but now you've got
a mortal body again,Copy !req
128. so you can talk
to humanity, you know,Copy !req
129. - mortal to mortal.
- And tell themCopy !req
130. it's the End Times.Copy !req
131. Well, not quite.Copy !req
132. Not quite?Copy !req
133. Yeah, no, that whole apoc... um,Copy !req
134. well, it's a bit
old-fashioned. You know,Copy !req
135. times have changed,
Um, I was thinkingCopy !req
136. we might try something
a little more upbeat.Copy !req
137. "Oh, look out, here comes
universal happiness."Copy !req
138. No, End Times.Copy !req
139. Or... not!Copy !req
140. Happiness? Universal.Copy !req
141. Joy unbounded, et cetera.Copy !req
142. - Has this been signed off?
- Yes, by me.Copy !req
143. - I'm in charge.
- For now.Copy !req
144. - Sorry?
- Nothing.Copy !req
145. Where are the scars?Copy !req
146. I had good carpenter's hands.Copy !req
147. Whole new miraculous physical body.Copy !req
148. You've got to have a body,Copy !req
149. otherwise they're all,
"Who said that?"Copy !req
150. You just need
to give a speech.Copy !req
151. Aziraphale has
prepared it for you.Copy !req
152. You will be
on every television,Copy !req
153. every phone
and each person on Earth willCopy !req
154. hear you talking to them...Copy !req
155. in their own language.Copy !req
156. Miracle!Copy !req
157. I'm sure it will be very... motivational.Copy !req
158. I think we need to revisit
the "End Times" element.Copy !req
159. - No, we don't.
- And all the smitingCopy !req
160. - we have to do.
- I'm not really followingCopy !req
161. any of this, um,Copy !req
162. are any of my friends here?Copy !req
163. Uh... Simon?Copy !req
164. Or Thomas? I'd—
I'd quite like to talk to them.Copy !req
165. It's been a long time.Copy !req
166. My—My mum?Copy !req
167. Thousands of years.Copy !req
168. All the humans...Copy !req
169. you once knew are, um...Copy !req
170. - dead.
- Really?Copy !req
171. Well, what about the angelCopy !req
172. who visited
to give me strengthCopy !req
173. the night
before all the, um...Copy !req
174. the nailing business?
Um, Gabriel, I think he said?Copy !req
175. - Oh, did he?
- Yes.Copy !req
176. He wasn't a lot of help,
to be honest,Copy !req
177. I mean, he mainly spoke
about himself, but—Copy !req
178. Also, um, not
in the picture any longer.Copy !req
179. But there must—
wait, the red-haired one,Copy !req
180. with the, um—
with the funny eyes.Copy !req
181. Oh, he showed me
all the cities of the world.Copy !req
182. Oh, he was one of your lot,
too, wasn't he?Copy !req
183. Um... not human?Copy !req
184. Yeah, oh, is he still around?Copy !req
185. Not up here or in Hell.Copy !req
186. He's down on Earth these days.Copy !req
187. Not really our kind of person.Copy !req
188. Oh, but—no,
but he seemed nice.Copy !req
189. He has, er... qualities.Copy !req
190. Okay, well, I mean, if I've got
to go to Earth anyway—Copy !req
191. That won't be appropriate,
I'm afraid.Copy !req
192. Sandalphon here will be
looking after you.Copy !req
193. Fine fellow.Copy !req
194. Oi, Mrs Sandwich!Copy !req
195. I'm not giving you
anything, Crowley.Copy !req
196. Oh, come on,
Mrs. Sandwich.Copy !req
197. Come on, 150 quid.Copy !req
198. Tonight I will finally
get it back.Copy !req
199. Brian won't give up anything
he won fair and square, love.Copy !req
200. This time will be different.Copy !req
201. Thank you very much.Copy !req
202. Oh!Copy !req
203. Freshly watered.Copy !req
204. I'll be back.Copy !req
205. - We have a winner, Mr. Crowley.
- It's just numbers and odds.Copy !req
206. When you've designed
star systems,Copy !req
207. blackjack's a doddle.Copy !req
208. - Another win.
- Boom.Copy !req
209. Come to daddy.Copy !req
210. Oh, hello, Misty!Copy !req
211. Ah!Copy !req
212. It's no fun being drunk
on your own.Copy !req
213. Come on.Copy !req
214. Tell us a funny story about Gorillas.Copy !req
215. Or Dolphins. Go on.Copy !req
216. How much have I won tonight?Copy !req
217. About hundred grand.Copy !req
218. Whooo!Copy !req
219. Hundred thousand smackeroonies!Copy !req
220. that's got to be enoughCopy !req
221. to get Brian
out of the backroom!Copy !req
222. You know it never ends well.Copy !req
223. Take it from me, son.Copy !req
224. Take the win.Copy !req
225. - Ahh.
- Crowley.Copy !req
226. It's the big B.C.Copy !req
227. A hundred thousand quid,
come on.Copy !req
228. That's more
than it's ever worth.Copy !req
229. I won it.
Car's mine.Copy !req
230. I'll toss you for it,
double or nothing.Copy !req
231. You heard what he said.Copy !req
232. Customer's always right.Copy !req
233. I'll tell you what I'll do...Copy !req
234. er, Max, come here, son.Copy !req
235. Yeah, who's this?Copy !req
236. Right, now...Copy !req
237. you find the lady,
and the Bentley's yours.Copy !req
238. That's a shame.Copy !req
239. Bentley's still mine.Copy !req
240. I've lost worst things than that.Copy !req
241. You're a loser, Crowley.Copy !req
242. You only ever come here to lose.Copy !req
243. You could've walked out of here
a very rich man.Copy !req
244. - Oh!
- You're a mug.Copy !req
245. Were you good?Copy !req
246. What do you think
of the speech?Copy !req
247. I think it's a bit on the nose.Copy !req
248. I, um...Copy !req
249. I like telling stories.Copy !req
250. Er, like parables, if you will,Copy !req
251. which, um,
which draw people in.Copy !req
252. Aziraphale wrote it.Copy !req
253. It's been market-testedCopy !req
254. on him.Copy !req
255. Metatron level.Copy !req
256. What?Copy !req
257. What are you doing there?Copy !req
258. You know you are
not allowed up here!Copy !req
259. And what are you doing with that?Copy !req
260. Give it to me! I...Copy !req
261. am the only entityCopy !req
262. authorised to...Copy !req
263. I...Copy !req
264. Stay here.Copy !req
265. Somebody sounded the alarm?Copy !req
266. That would have been me.
Something's wrong.Copy !req
267. The Metatron's vanished.Copy !req
268. Vanished?Copy !req
269. Well, could he have gone for a walk?Copy !req
270. He's not in the universe.Copy !req
271. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
272. - I mean...
- Alarm off.Copy !req
273. the only way
the Metatron would be goneCopy !req
274. from the universe is if...Copy !req
275. there wasn't a Metatron any longer.Copy !req
276. If he was dead, you mean?Copy !req
277. Of course the Metatron's not dead.Copy !req
278. Sandalphon... where's Jesus?Copy !req
279. Earth.Copy !req
280. Oh...Copy !req
281. Oh, hello, excuse me.Copy !req
282. I'm out of cash, mate, sorry.Copy !req
283. No, no, something smells good.Copy !req
284. I haven't eaten in a long time.Copy !req
285. Here.Copy !req
286. Toasted cheese sarnie.Copy !req
287. You need it more than I do.Copy !req
288. Mmm!Copy !req
289. This is really kind of you.Copy !req
290. You know, there was
a man who had three sons...Copy !req
291. Sorry, mate, food I can do,Copy !req
292. but I'm not really up to stories.Copy !req
293. Oh, actually,Copy !req
294. I'm looking for, um...Copy !req
295. he has...Copy !req
296. he has red hair and yellow eyes.Copy !req
297. He knows a lot of things.Copy !req
298. I think he's an angel?Copy !req
299. Down there.Copy !req
300. Thank you.Copy !req
301. Excuse me.Copy !req
302. - I'm sorry to wake you.
- I'm not asleep.Copy !req
303. I'm out cold.Copy !req
304. Oh. Er, would you like
some of my cheese sarnie?Copy !req
305. Leave me alone.Copy !req
306. Ooh.Copy !req
307. Heartbroken. World broken.Copy !req
308. What's the point of anything?Copy !req
309. I wanted to ask you,Copy !req
310. you showed me all those cities.Copy !req
311. What should I do now?Copy !req
312. Thing is...Copy !req
313. the thing is, isn't it—
what was I saying?Copy !req
314. You were saying "the thing is..."Copy !req
315. That thing of the three cards. Isn't it?Copy !req
316. Always,Copy !req
317. find the lady.
If you learn that, you're set.Copy !req
318. Find the lady.
Last time, I bring the baby,Copy !req
319. and it's... shuffle shuffle,
shuffle shuffle shuffle.Copy !req
320. Shuffle shuffle shuffle,
oh,Copy !req
321. everyone was looking
in the wrong place, isn't it?Copy !req
322. That thing
with the three cards...Copy !req
323. find the lady.Copy !req
324. And if I learn to find the ladyCopy !req
325. with the three cards,Copy !req
326. that will help me
understand my purpose here?Copy !req
327. You... are...Copy !req
328. taking up my valuable
passing out drunk time.Copy !req
329. Begone.
All right.Copy !req
330. Bye-bye.Copy !req
331. Night-night, night-night.Copy !req
332. Obviously Jesus won't beCopy !req
333. in the Earth Observation Files.Copy !req
334. The Antichrist wasn't.Copy !req
335. But the Book of Life is
something else entirely.Copy !req
336. So, where is it?Copy !req
337. Well, it should be...Copy !req
338. on that lectern.Copy !req
339. Where it's been
since the dawn of time.Copy !req
340. It can't just walk away.Copy !req
341. We need to report this.Copy !req
342. Well, there's not currently
anyone to report to.Copy !req
343. The Metatron's done
a bunk, remember.Copy !req
344. Indeed.
No Metatron.Copy !req
345. As the former Archangel
Sandalphon says.Copy !req
346. "Former" Archangel?Copy !req
347. Yes, unfortunate demotion,Copy !req
348. because of losing the Messiah!Copy !req
349. - But you can't—
- We can't lose JesusCopy !req
350. and the Book of Life
at the same time.Copy !req
351. - Two things!
- No, we've also lostCopy !req
352. the Metatron, three things!Copy !req
353. Oh, for...Copy !req
354. Oh, dear.Copy !req
355. Lot on your plate.Copy !req
356. Balls being dropped.Copy !req
357. Look, why don't I try
to locate the Book of Life?Copy !req
358. With, um, with...Copy !req
359. Muriel as my Investigating Angel.Copy !req
360. And then I can focus
on finding Jesus, yes, yes.Copy !req
361. - Yes, excellent plan.
- Go.Copy !req
362. The Demotion.
He didn't mean it, did he?Copy !req
363. I'm afraid he did,Copy !req
364. Junior Recording Angel Sandalphon.Copy !req
365. Oh...Copy !req
366. Sober him up!Copy !req
367. Ha!Copy !req
368. Do you think he's dangerous?Copy !req
369. Not anymore.Copy !req
370. Well, somebody prod him.Copy !req
371. He's pretending he's asleep.Copy !req
372. Ha!Copy !req
373. I quit, Dagon.Copy !req
374. Didn't you get the memo?Copy !req
375. You didn't send a memo.Copy !req
376. That's because I quit.Copy !req
377. I'm un-quitting you, forthwith.Copy !req
378. Upstairs has begun
Operation Second Coming.Copy !req
379. Oh, I see.Copy !req
380. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
381. So the End Times have begun.Copy !req
382. Again.Copy !req
383. Oh, well, there you go.Copy !req
384. No, I don't go.Copy !req
385. They've lost him.Copy !req
386. Who?Copy !req
387. You know.Copy !req
388. The one who starts it all off.Copy !req
389. - Nailed-up boy.
- Jesus?Copy !req
390. Jesus.Copy !req
391. And I'm here because...Copy !req
392. We need you to find him, Crowley,
before they do.Copy !req
393. Right.Copy !req
394. You can't even say his name.Copy !req
395. What'll you do if you do find him?Copy !req
396. A hostage.Copy !req
397. With...Copy !req
398. Jesus.Copy !req
399. in our hands,Copy !req
400. we can attack Heaven!Copy !req
401. And the war of all warsCopy !req
402. will raineth down!Copy !req
403. We'll be living upstairs!Copy !req
404. And they'll be down here!Copy !req
405. You understand humans, Crowley.Copy !req
406. So find him, help us, we'll help you.Copy !req
407. No.Copy !req
408. - No?
- Oh, no.Copy !req
409. - No?
- No.Copy !req
410. Well, you'll regret this.Copy !req
411. I'll add it to the list.Copy !req
412. Well, get him out of here.Copy !req
413. Are, are you okay?Copy !req
414. Er, yes, of course.Copy !req
415. I just, um...Copy !req
416. Well, I... I need to, er...Copy !req
417. sort this out.Copy !req
418. Now, where to start?Copy !req
419. Why don't you ask your...Copy !req
420. "friend" friend to help?Copy !req
421. My...Copy !req
422. oh, no-no-no—
no, I can't.Copy !req
423. That's out of the question.Copy !req
424. He might like
to see you anyway.Copy !req
425. Last time I saw him,
he wasn't in the best way,Copy !req
426. to be honest.Copy !req
427. He seemed a bit... lost.Copy !req
428. Ah, I never thought
I'd see your face here again.Copy !req
429. I, um... um...Copy !req
430. Oh, everyone's gone.Copy !req
431. Or been bought out.Copy !req
432. Not me.Copy !req
433. I stick it out here in SohoCopy !req
434. like a...
barnacle to a rock.Copy !req
435. I, um...Copy !req
436. hello.Copy !req
437. Look, um, my friend, Crowley,Copy !req
438. have you—
have you seen him?Copy !req
439. You wouldn't be looking for him
unless you needed something,Copy !req
440. 'cause you're
a taker, you are.Copy !req
441. You never cared for him.Copy !req
442. Or Whickber Street.Copy !req
443. I... I love Whickber Street.Copy !req
444. Yeah? Well, where were you
when it got bad?Copy !req
445. You know, I never thought...Copy !req
446. you'd be back to gloat.Copy !req
447. To gloat?Copy !req
448. He's down there.Copy !req
449. Crowley?Copy !req
450. I've, um...Copy !req
451. please get up.Copy !req
452. I'm fine down here, thanks.Copy !req
453. Look, I know you're upset with me.Copy !req
454. Yep.Copy !req
455. But I'm willing to overlook that.Copy !req
456. Because... well,
we have a lot to discuss.Copy !req
457. I have nothing to say to you.Copy !req
458. If you're expecting me to do
the "I was wrong" dance,Copy !req
459. then I'm afraid you'll be
waiting rather a long time.Copy !req
460. Oh, we're way beyond
little dances, angel.Copy !req
461. Close the door on your way out.Copy !req
462. But you... you don't have a door.Copy !req
463. Breaks your heart.Copy !req
464. Crowley?Copy !req
465. You had a bookshop for centuries.Copy !req
466. You loved your bookshop.Copy !req
467. And then you just walked away.Copy !req
468. - What happened here?
- Well, you tell me.Copy !req
469. Muriel was meant
to take over the place.Copy !req
470. They were here for,
what, a few weeks,Copy !req
471. and then closed
the door, and—Copy !req
472. I needed Muriel.Copy !req
473. I needed someone to work
with me in HeavenCopy !req
474. who was... nice.Copy !req
475. - Ah.
- But that's not what I meant.Copy !req
476. What I meant was, what happened here?Copy !req
477. I've been gone for years.Copy !req
478. And... the place is a bit dusty, yes,Copy !req
479. but...Copy !req
480. no windows broken.Copy !req
481. Nothing's been taken.Copy !req
482. No rodent problem.Copy !req
483. You'd expect rats, wouldn't you?Copy !req
484. You weren't here.Copy !req
485. I wasn't gonna lose
this place as well.Copy !req
486. Oh.Copy !req
487. Obviously not.Copy !req
488. I...Copy !req
489. I suppose
I should say thank you.Copy !req
490. Better not.Copy !req
491. Do you...Copy !req
492. Do you want an apology from me?Copy !req
493. Mm.Copy !req
494. I was trying to do the right thing.Copy !req
495. Well, you know what they say
about the road to Hell?Copy !req
496. What?Copy !req
497. Needs repaving.Copy !req
498. Look, Crowley,Copy !req
499. I've come to help you.Copy !req
500. - Have you?
- Yes.Copy !req
501. No, you haven't!
This is about Jesus!Copy !req
502. You were bringing him back,
and now you've lost him!Copy !req
503. How do you know that?Copy !req
504. Live in an alleyway,
people tell you things.Copy !req
505. Well...Copy !req
506. yes... I mean...Copy !req
507. there is that.
I need...Copy !req
508. we found the Antichrist
together, you and me.Copy !req
509. - Ancient history.
- Jesus remembers you, you know.Copy !req
510. Mm-hm, he was asking after you.Copy !req
511. He seemed...Copy !req
512. well, very nice.Copy !req
513. And now he's out there.Copy !req
514. On his own.Copy !req
515. Poor thing.Copy !req
516. I only hope
they don't nail him up again.Copy !req
517. Well, they wouldn't
do that again, surely?Copy !req
518. Well, they haven't
changed much, have they?Copy !req
519. Heaven is looking for him,
Hell will be too.Copy !req
520. No one can find him.Copy !req
521. Crowley, this is bigger
than you and me.Copy !req
522. - Well, I can't help you.
- Why not?Copy !req
523. - I don't have a car.
- Well, then, by all means,Copy !req
524. get your car— where is it?Copy !req
525. - You've lost it?
- Yes.Copy !req
526. How?Copy !req
527. I lost it
in a game of skill and chance.Copy !req
528. I'm sorry,
I didn't quite get that—Copy !req
529. I lost it
in a game of skill and chance.Copy !req
530. - To whom?
- Brian Cameron.Copy !req
531. Bri...Copy !req
532. I've never heard of him.
He sounds like an accountant.Copy !req
533. How on earth could
you lose your BentleyCopy !req
534. to a man named Brian Cameron?Copy !req
535. He's a gangster!Copy !req
536. I was still sleeping in my car...Copy !req
537. Always wanted a classic Bentley.Copy !req
538. I thought,
a man who owns a car like thatCopy !req
539. must definitely be up
for a little wager.Copy !req
540. A little game
of skill and chance.Copy !req
541. I'm not gonna do that.
This is my house.Copy !req
542. Of course I can't, you know,
force you to play.Copy !req
543. But what I could do is...Copy !req
544. set fire to that little bookshopCopy !req
545. and burn it down to the groundCopy !req
546. right now.Copy !req
547. No, it's 'cause I see you
sleeping outside here,Copy !req
548. and I often see you inside.Copy !req
549. Keeping a cheeky little eye.Copy !req
550. Ah—take the car.Copy !req
551. I am a businessman, son,
not a common thief.Copy !req
552. I'm merely suggesting we have...Copy !req
553. a little gentleman's game.Copy !req
554. I've had enough of this.Copy !req
555. Your miracle account
is no longer active.Copy !req
556. Please go away.Copy !req
557. Ah...Copy !req
558. My legal department drew this up.Copy !req
559. Now, we'll just have a little game.Copy !req
560. And you win,Copy !req
561. I walk away,
and nothing catches fire.Copy !req
562. You lose,Copy !req
563. and I get the Bentley.Copy !req
564. I'm... not...Copy !req
565. No "oomph."Copy !req
566. Just sign there now.Copy !req
567. So, what's the game?Copy !req
568. It's my favourite
board game, actually.Copy !req
569. Right, what you got to do is
you got to own everything.Copy !req
570. And you leave everyone elseCopy !req
571. penniless, crushed, and miserable.Copy !req
572. Sounds like a game
only a human could invent.Copy !req
573. You can be the shoe.Copy !req
574. Oh, dear.Copy !req
575. You already mortgaged
all your properties,Copy !req
576. so kind of, like, wipes you out,Copy !req
577. doesn't it really?
Though it's still—it's a—Copy !req
578. it's a bloody good game, eh?Copy !req
579. Penniless... crushed...
and miserable.Copy !req
580. Well,
how on earth did you let himCopy !req
581. get away with it?
I mean, a contract's a contract—Copy !req
582. What could I do?
Hell had cut me off.Copy !req
583. Miracles, not an option.
You were elsewhere.Copy !req
584. Yes, very well then.Copy !req
585. We shall go
and get our Bentley back—Copy !req
586. - My Bentley.
- Of course, and then...Copy !req
587. and then
you'll help me find Jesus.Copy !req
588. I'll do it myself.Copy !req
589. Crowley... Crowley.Copy !req
590. I am so disappointed in you.Copy !req
591. Trying to steal my car?Copy !req
592. I'd like my Bentley back.Copy !req
593. Yeah, well, I'd like
to play for the Arsenal,Copy !req
594. but that ain't gonna happen
either, is it, mate?Copy !req
595. I just need my car!Copy !req
596. You need teaching a lesson,
is what you need.Copy !req
597. And I am...Copy !req
598. so gonna enjoy that.Copy !req
599. Who are you?Copy !req
600. I'm a retired bookseller.Copy !req
601. I've come to get my friend back.Copy !req
602. And our c—his car.Copy !req
603. - You're a friend of his?
- No, he's not.Copy !req
604. I rather think I am.Copy !req
605. I'm rescuing you.Copy !req
606. And liberating our Bentley.Copy !req
607. Yeah, well, bollocks you are,
it's my car,Copy !req
608. I won it fair and square
so you can just, you know,Copy !req
609. - like, goodbye.
- Rather excitedCopy !req
610. to meet you, actually,
Mr. Brian Cameron.Copy !req
611. From what I hear,
you're the second best playerCopy !req
612. of games of skill and chanceCopy !req
613. in all of London, well done.Copy !req
614. Second, you say?Copy !req
615. Well, of course. After me.Copy !req
616. Perfect.Copy !req
617. Misty, my love.Copy !req
618. - Break out the board games.
- I'm afraid not.Copy !req
619. According
to your very own rules,Copy !req
620. as the challenger,
I get to choose.Copy !req
621. You what?Copy !req
622. Competitive crossword solving.Copy !req
623. That's not even a game, is it?Copy !req
624. First one to finish correctlyCopy !req
625. gets the Bentley.Copy !req
626. - Dad, be careful here—
- Yeah, listen,Copy !req
627. I can fill in a crossword, alright?Copy !req
628. But I can, e...
ask people for helpCopy !req
629. I can call them for help
if I need it,Copy !req
630. right? I can collaborate?Copy !req
631. Oh, seek as much assistanceCopy !req
632. as you require.Copy !req
633. Game on.Copy !req
634. One Across, nine letters,Copy !req
635. the measured tread of the saintsCopy !req
636. around the dome of St. Peter's,
how appropriate.Copy !req
637. What does that mean?Copy !req
638. Well, it's a clue, in this case,Copy !req
639. the word "round"
tells you to look forCopy !req
640. one word inside another,Copy !req
641. giving us the opening wordCopy !req
642. "Pedometer."Copy !req
643. Billy?
Billy, yes, mate, yes,Copy !req
644. I need the solution
for today's Cryptic Crossword,Copy !req
645. and I need it right now.Copy !req
646. Well, it's got to be
on the web somewhere, do, like—Copy !req
647. do, like, a search or something.Copy !req
648. Yeah, well then find the bloke
that wrote the crosswordCopy !req
649. and threaten him.
Tell him we're going to...Copy !req
650. kill his husband or his dog,
or worse, something like that.Copy !req
651. Finished.Copy !req
652. What?Copy !req
653. No, no, no, no, you could have
written anything down.Copy !req
654. What's 10 down?Copy !req
655. "Miss Desmond levitatesCopy !req
656. for David's spacey song,"Copy !req
657. it refers to Norma Desmond
from Sunset BoulevardCopy !req
658. and can be rephrased
as "Norma Flies,"Copy !req
659. which is an anagram
of the David Bowie songCopy !req
660. "Life on Mars"!Copy !req
661. - Gah.
- How do you know that?Copy !req
662. I'll take the car and my friend.Copy !req
663. - Ain't gonna happen, mate.
- Brian, Brian.Copy !req
664. I did give you a chance.Copy !req
665. You really mustn't get angry, you know.Copy !req
666. - Shark?
- Right.Copy !req
667. We need to get a wiggle on.Copy !req
668. Dad, are you alright?Copy !req
669. - Shark.
- Dad, Dad, sit down.Copy !req
670. - Sit down, sit down.
- I'm having a heart—Copy !req
671. shark! Ow!Copy !req
672. - Call an ambulance!
- Ow, ow, ow...Copy !req
673. I suppose you're feeling
quite pleased with yourselfCopy !req
674. - right now, are you?
- Not at all.Copy !req
675. But a deal's a deal.Copy !req
676. Right, let's get this over with.Copy !req
677. So, where is Jesus?Copy !req
678. I don't know.Copy !req
679. - You don't know?
- Well, no.Copy !req
680. Otherwise I wouldn't need
to find him, would I?Copy !req
681. - And I wouldn't need you—
- Wouldn't need me, right.Copy !req
682. Nice, gotcha.Copy !req
683. But seriously, no idea?Copy !req
684. The Earth's quite big, you know?Copy !req
685. - Yes, I'm aware of that.
- What are we going to do?Copy !req
686. Ring a bell?
Leave out snacks?Copy !req
687. Hang signs on lamp posts sayingCopy !req
688. "Missing Messiah, can offer Small Reward."Copy !req
689. No, I—look, I don't know.Copy !req
690. So...Copy !req
691. do you have any ideaCopy !req
692. where the Book of Life might be?Copy !req
693. Nope.Copy !req
694. 'fraid not.Copy !req
695. Sorry.Copy !req
696. Of course I don't.Copy !req
697. That's a shame.Copy !req
698. Or, then,Copy !req
699. any idea how it can have gotCopy !req
700. to wherever it is,
that we don't knowCopy !req
701. where that even is?Copy !req
702. Excellent question though.Copy !req
703. I need to find the lady?Copy !req
704. Oh.Copy !req
705. Well, once upon a time,Copy !req
706. my love, I could've
seen you well sorted.Copy !req
707. But it's all on bloomin'
internet now, isn't it?Copy !req
708. Um, just sit anywhere.Copy !req
709. Who are you?Copy !req
710. Jehoshua.Copy !req
711. - Bless you.
- Bless you.Copy !req
712. Harry Frisch, mate.Copy !req
713. Or Harry the Fish, as was,Copy !req
714. back when me name
meant anything.Copy !req
715. Then I will call you
Harry the Fish.Copy !req
716. You were a fisher of?Copy !req
717. What do you do with those cards?Copy !req
718. For I've been told to find the lady.Copy !req
719. Find the lady, ooh, ah,Copy !req
720. I did used to work
the Monte, sure.Copy !req
721. With a team of guys.Copy !req
722. I miss them.Copy !req
723. I had friends.Copy !req
724. A team.Copy !req
725. Twelve friends.Copy !req
726. I'm solo now.Copy !req
727. No more Monte, just me.Copy !req
728. You've got an honest face.Copy !req
729. Thank you.
You have a beautiful face, Harry.Copy !req
730. But one filled with pain.Copy !req
731. So, how do I find the lady?Copy !req
732. Ahh.Copy !req
733. Find the lady.Copy !req
734. Well, find the lady,
find the gravy.Copy !req
735. Here she is, there she goes,
where she ends up, nobody knows.Copy !req
736. Will—Will you teach me?Copy !req
737. How about some music?Copy !req
738. Um, maybe a little, um,Copy !req
739. tom tom Garage?Copy !req
740. Or some rip-rap?
Or go-go?Copy !req
741. You have absolutely no idea
what any of that means.Copy !req
742. Yes, I do.
They're all...Copy !req
743. types of bebop—
stop flustering me,Copy !req
744. I can't—
I can't think straight.Copy !req
745. Things have been really
very complicated for meCopy !req
746. - at the moment, you know?
- I know, you've lost Jesus,Copy !req
747. and bollocksed up
the Second Coming—Copy !req
748. It doesn't get much more
complicated than that.Copy !req
749. And we may have lost
The Book of Life.Copy !req
750. - You've lost it?
- Well, it does seem to beCopy !req
751. evading us rather successfully
for the moment.Copy !req
752. Unbelievable.Copy !req
753. Oh, you leave me
to go back to sort out Heaven,Copy !req
754. you've made it into more
of a mess than it was already.Copy !req
755. Look, I had a chance
to make a real difference.Copy !req
756. Oh, you still
don't get it, do you?Copy !req
757. You can't change anything!Copy !req
758. It's all rigged!
The entire universe—Copy !req
759. But I had to try at least,
can't you see that?Copy !req
760. I don't want an awful,
judgy Second ComingCopy !req
761. with those scary horses
and half the world being smited.Copy !req
762. - If I'm the boss—
- But you're not!Copy !req
763. And you never will be,
there's always someoneCopy !req
764. - above you stacking the deck.
- Well, not now there isn't.Copy !req
765. The Metatron's disappeared too.Copy !req
766. Oh, superb.Copy !req
767. Mr. Big Giant Floaty HeadCopy !req
768. "I bought you
a lovely coffee" himselfCopy !req
769. has done a runner.Copy !req
770. You could have avoided all this.Copy !req
771. We could have done
a runner ourselves.Copy !req
772. I asked you to come with me.Copy !req
773. We could be drinking cocktails
on Alpha Centauri,Copy !req
774. this could be
someone else's problem.Copy !req
775. How could we have been
happy there,Copy !req
776. knowing that we were leaving
all these peopleCopy !req
777. to goodness knows
what awfulness?Copy !req
778. Second Coming,
apocalypse,Copy !req
779. the end of everything on Earth
as it is, on Alpha Centauri!Copy !req
780. I could stop all that—
I just wantedCopy !req
781. to save everything,Copy !req
782. and—and—so that everybody
could have a chance,Copy !req
783. including us.Copy !req
784. And how's that working out?Copy !req
785. Hmm?Copy !req
786. - Don't look 'round.
- What?Copy !req
787. Keep walking.
We're just coincidentally walkingCopy !req
788. in the same direction.Copy !req
789. Okay.Copy !req
790. - I may know something.
- What?Copy !req
791. Face forward!
If I tell you,Copy !req
792. I want to be reinstated
as an archangel.Copy !req
793. - I don't have that power.
- Not yet, you don't.Copy !req
794. Meet me in the corridor
in the Space Between.Copy !req
795. They won't be looking there.Copy !req
796. Hello?Copy !req
797. Muriel?Copy !req
798. Hello?Copy !req
799. Muriel? Is that you?Copy !req
800. Muriel?Copy !req
801. What are you doing here?Copy !req
802. This area has been closed off.Copy !req
803. I was here to meet Sandalphon?Copy !req
804. Muriel.Copy !req
805. Why are you stopping?Copy !req
806. Oh, no-no, no,
we can't park here.Copy !req
807. They'll be looking
for the Bentley.Copy !req
808. They don't have to see it, do they?Copy !req
809. Oh.Copy !req
810. Really?Copy !req
811. Well, we know Jesus is on Earth,Copy !req
812. but it's a big place,
he—he could be anywhere.Copy !req
813. Well, he likes deserts.
Or he used to.Copy !req
814. Spent 40 days in one
back when I knew him.Copy !req
815. Um...Copy !req
816. But he can't be...Copy !req
817. Oh, obviously...Copy !req
818. no...Copy !req
819. no.Copy !req
820. I understand.
That was Saraqael.Copy !req
821. It appears
that Sandalphon has...Copy !req
822. Also vanished?Copy !req
823. Saraqael thinks he's been murdered.Copy !req
824. I need to get back to Heaven.
You'll just have to beginCopy !req
825. the hunt for Jesus
here yourself.Copy !req
826. Oh, no, no,
I'm coming with you.Copy !req
827. To Heaven?
You most certainly are not.Copy !req
828. You clearly can't do this
on your own, come on.Copy !req
829. Uriel?Copy !req
830. What are you doing in here?Copy !req
831. I've prepared a report
on Sandalphon's murder.Copy !req
832. What's he doing here?Copy !req
833. Er, well, he's— he's backup.Copy !req
834. Two heads are better than one.Copy !req
835. He's—He's a demon.Copy !req
836. Former!
Former demon.Copy !req
837. Now just a private individual.Copy !req
838. So... Sandalphon vanishes.Copy !req
839. He said he had things to tell me.Copy !req
840. I think it was about the MetatronCopy !req
841. - and the Book of Life.
- You think?Copy !req
842. So no actual information, then?Copy !req
843. Well, perhaps you need some help.Copy !req
844. Uriel... Muriel is perfect for the job.Copy !req
845. Your assistance is not required.Copy !req
846. Your infinite holiness,Copy !req
847. I would like to register a complaint.Copy !req
848. This person should not be
allowed in Heaven.Copy !req
849. Complaint duly noted
and registered.Copy !req
850. Will it make a difference?Copy !req
851. Oh, no.Copy !req
852. So, The Book of Life,Copy !req
853. wouldn't the Archive Monitor
show who took it?Copy !req
854. Of course I thought
to check the archive, look.Copy !req
855. One moment, it's here,Copy !req
856. where it's been
since the dawn of time.Copy !req
857. The next, it's not.Copy !req
858. So the moment of theft
has been edited out?Copy !req
859. Not edited.
It just goes.Copy !req
860. I looked for fingerprints,Copy !req
861. through a magnifying glass,
and footprints.Copy !req
862. So, if the archive wasn't edited...Copy !req
863. what if reality was?Copy !req
864. Well, that's perfectly impossible...Copy !req
865. By The Book of Life itself, you mean?Copy !req
866. - That's brilliant.
- Seemed to have removedCopy !req
867. the moment the Book was taken
from the Book itself,Copy !req
868. reality adjusts to conform.Copy !req
869. You can't just remove things
from reality.Copy !req
870. Well, they hang around
for a while, sure,Copy !req
871. while reality catches up, but then...Copy !req
872. poof.Copy !req
873. I'll bet you that's
what's happened to the Metatron.Copy !req
874. Soon enough,
you'll forget all about them.Copy !req
875. Right, back to work.Copy !req
876. Chop-chop.Copy !req
877. Don't dilly-dally!Copy !req
878. - Oh! Thank you—
- No need.Copy !req
879. You're doing an excellent job.Copy !req
880. What if Hell is actually behind this?Copy !req
881. Someone must've had
a motive for the theft.Copy !req
882. A motive for the murder.Copy !req
883. It wasn't you,
and we know it wasn't me.Copy !req
884. - And angels aren't killers.
- Sorry, are we talkingCopy !req
885. - about the same angels?
- I think you shouldCopy !req
886. return to Hell and find out
everything you can.Copy !req
887. They know me,
I'm not going back.Copy !req
888. They know you.Copy !req
889. But they don't know me...Copy !req
890. I could ask around, take a look.Copy !req
891. You are not a demon.Copy !req
892. If they found
an undocumented angelCopy !req
893. wandering around Hell,
they'd... well,Copy !req
894. they'd kill you just for starters.Copy !req
895. You forget, I am a Master of Disguise.Copy !req
896. No, you're not—Copy !req
897. Oh, that's actually rather good.Copy !req
898. Are you sure
they won't recognise me?Copy !req
899. Ehh?Copy !req
900. Pretty sure.Copy !req
901. Yes?Copy !req
902. My Lord,
Archduke Slorch the Vile,Copy !req
903. Master of the Secret Torments,Copy !req
904. is here to see Lord Dagon.Copy !req
905. Hmm...Copy !req
906. I don't have anything in the calendar.Copy !req
907. He has come directly from Downstairs.Copy !req
908. We are Downstairs.Copy !req
909. All the way Downstairs!Copy !req
910. - Ugh...
- An emissary,Copy !req
911. from All the way Downstairs is here.Copy !req
912. From Downstairs?
What, now?Copy !req
913. They're meant to let us know.Copy !req
914. I don't believe Lord Satan isCopy !req
915. under any obligation
to do anythingCopy !req
916. to make things easier
for you, Dagon.Copy !req
917. Right.Copy !req
918. Yes. Sorry.Copy !req
919. No.Copy !req
920. Have we met?Copy !req
921. I—I don't do
a lot of mingling.Copy !req
922. No, no, Lord Satan
keeps me very busyCopy !req
923. with all the, you know...Copy !req
924. secret torments and that.Copy !req
925. Yes, of course.Copy !req
926. We're here...Copy !req
927. because of the turmoil upstairs.Copy !req
928. Your reports on the matter have been...Copy !req
929. disappointing.Copy !req
930. So I came...Copy !req
931. to investigate personally.Copy !req
932. The... the Second Coming?Copy !req
933. They lost him, didn't they?Copy !req
934. Yes.Copy !req
935. But I'm sure
they'll find him soon enough.Copy !req
936. Unless...Copy !req
937. we know where he is?Copy !req
938. Nothing yet.Copy !req
939. No, no, no,Copy !req
940. but I'm here...
on the other matter.Copy !req
941. Other matter?Copy !req
942. Upstairs... a murder.Copy !req
943. A disappearance.Copy !req
944. The Book of Life, missing.Copy !req
945. Don't say you haven't heard anything.Copy !req
946. We just know
what we put in the report.Copy !req
947. The Metatron
and a couple of ArchangelsCopy !req
948. removed from The Book of Life,Copy !req
949. thus, "vanisho."
That's all we know.Copy !req
950. If someone is holding out...Copy !req
951. from the Even Further Downstairs...Copy !req
952. We didn't even know
the Book was missing.Copy !req
953. Our secret source
on the top floorCopy !req
954. just let it slip.Copy !req
955. Well, I will let
his Infernal Darkness knowCopy !req
956. how helpful you've both been.Copy !req
957. That's...
That's good, isn't it?Copy !req
958. Is it?Copy !req
959. Let's hope so.Copy !req
960. It's a dance, Josh.Copy !req
961. Find the rhythm.Copy !req
962. See, the trick is never
to think of it as a trick.Copy !req
963. The cards want
to be manipulated.Copy !req
964. Bit like people, really.Copy !req
965. Even me.Copy !req
966. Wait a minute,
I remember this.Copy !req
967. Remember what?Copy !req
968. Somebody's all at a loss,Copy !req
969. and then I say
something that helps.Copy !req
970. Go on then.Copy !req
971. Well...Copy !req
972. well, for I say to you this,Copy !req
973. if a man has a boat,Copy !req
974. then he has the ability to fish,Copy !req
975. - for just as—
- Has he got a net?Copy !req
976. - What?
- The bloke with the boat.Copy !req
977. He'd need a net or a rod.Copy !req
978. I mean, the boat doesn't
catch the fish, does it?Copy !req
979. No, I may be a bit rusty.Copy !req
980. I mean, it's been a few centuries.Copy !req
981. Wait, okay,Copy !req
982. there was a widow
who had three sons,Copy !req
983. and the first son was
a fisherman, and the...Copy !req
984. Are all these stories
about fishing?Copy !req
985. No. Harry...Copy !req
986. Find the lady.Copy !req
987. Oh! I didn't see a thing.Copy !req
988. You know,
maybe the cards' life isn'tCopy !req
989. something you wanna be involved in.Copy !req
990. No.Copy !req
991. It's the right thing to do.Copy !req
992. It's a way
to reach out to people.Copy !req
993. I'm pretty sure
that's what the lady is.Copy !req
994. It's people finding
peace and loveCopy !req
995. - and happiness.
- Happiness?Copy !req
996. Let me tell you something,
Josh, life, this life,Copy !req
997. blinds you
to what matters, right?Copy !req
998. I had kids, you know?Copy !req
999. Missed 'em growing up,
didn't I, cos I wasCopy !req
1000. too bloody busy
working the cards.Copy !req
1001. Let's give it a go, shall we?Copy !req
1002. I've ordered enormous amounts
of dim sum for you.Copy !req
1003. That's a bottle
of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, a 1988.Copy !req
1004. You know,
I'm not going to eat.Copy !req
1005. I'm not that angel any longer.Copy !req
1006. No, it's my job to set an exampleCopy !req
1007. for all the other angels by...Copy !req
1008. making choices.Copy !req
1009. Good, upstanding choices.Copy !req
1010. Right.Copy !req
1011. Does that include choosing
Heaven instead of me?Copy !req
1012. I chose Heaven because of you.Copy !req
1013. You showed me
what it meant to be braveCopy !req
1014. and to make a difference.Copy !req
1015. To stand up
for what I believed in.Copy !req
1016. - Did I?
- Yes.Copy !req
1017. You told me that Heaven
wasn't on anybody's side.Copy !req
1018. And I realised I could change that.Copy !req
1019. I could make it on everybody's side.Copy !req
1020. In what way?Copy !req
1021. Well, for a start,Copy !req
1022. Jesus was meant
to be sent hereCopy !req
1023. to end it all,
you know, to end everything.Copy !req
1024. - Obviously.
- And, um, well,Copy !req
1025. I did eventually persuade
Upstairs that, uh,Copy !req
1026. the Second Coming
didn't have to be Armageddon.Copy !req
1027. It could be a second chance
to get things right.Copy !req
1028. You know,
to make things better.Copy !req
1029. To inspire the humans,Copy !req
1030. to be...
you know, nicer.Copy !req
1031. And what did God say to that?Copy !req
1032. Well, she didn't tell me to stop.Copy !req
1033. Oh... oh...Copy !req
1034. he, um, he genuinely did
speak fondly of you, you know?Copy !req
1035. Jesus.
He even rememberedCopy !req
1036. your "Kingdoms of the World" routine.Copy !req
1037. Mm, did he? That's nice.Copy !req
1038. - Oh.
- What?Copy !req
1039. Oh...Copy !req
1040. - he was here.
- Who?Copy !req
1041. Light of the World,Copy !req
1042. Mary's bloody Boy Child,
he was here!Copy !req
1043. In Soho! Aah!Copy !req
1044. - That was him, I talked to him.
- Under our noses?Copy !req
1045. This whole time?
And you didn't recognise him?Copy !req
1046. Now, before you get all judgey,
in my defense,Copy !req
1047. I was astonishingly drunk.Copy !req
1048. Well, that's hardly an actual—
no, no, I won't do that.Copy !req
1049. No, this is good news.
Means he can't be far.Copy !req
1050. Yeah, it certainly narrows down
the scope of the search.Copy !req
1051. Way fewer temples.Copy !req
1052. Deserts.Copy !req
1053. What about Hell, any clues?Copy !req
1054. I don't think they had
a clue about anything,Copy !req
1055. to be honest.
In fact...Copy !req
1056. I'm even realising that...Copy !req
1057. some of their information was off.Copy !req
1058. - How so?
- Well, their sources told themCopy !req
1059. that the Metatron and two Archangels
had been murdered,Copy !req
1060. - using The Book of Life.
- And?Copy !req
1061. Well, only one Archangel
has been murdered.Copy !req
1062. Sandalphon.Copy !req
1063. So what they were told is wrong.Copy !req
1064. Unless...Copy !req
1065. what they heard was not
what had already happenedCopy !req
1066. but a plan.Copy !req
1067. Why would anybody tell them their plan?Copy !req
1068. Because they're a bit deranged.Copy !req
1069. In the wrong hands,
The Book of Life has the powerCopy !req
1070. to drive anyone mad.Copy !req
1071. We're not built to cope
with pasts, presents,Copy !req
1072. and futures that don't match up.Copy !req
1073. Time...
it stops meaning anything.Copy !req
1074. Constantly un-happening
bits of reality...Copy !req
1075. could make someone lose trackCopy !req
1076. - of what will be true...
- But isn't true yet.Copy !req
1077. Exactly.Copy !req
1078. And if it's not someone
from Hell who has the plan,Copy !req
1079. - then...
- Then...Copy !req
1080. Oh, no.Copy !req
1081. Earth.Copy !req
1082. - I really have missed food.
- Hmm.Copy !req
1083. So, I think the next step—Copy !req
1084. The next step is
you sitting back down.Copy !req
1085. Hullo, Misty.Copy !req
1086. Everything okay?Copy !req
1087. My dad's in intensive care.Copy !req
1088. You know, toughest bloke
in all of London,Copy !req
1089. and you two
good as killed him.Copy !req
1090. I don't think we did.Copy !req
1091. He won your car fair and square.Copy !req
1092. Just as my friend won it
fair and square back from him.Copy !req
1093. - You said they stole it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1094. Not at all,
we signed a contract,Copy !req
1095. and then I beat him
in a cryptic crossword.Copy !req
1096. Oh, that is a tough one.Copy !req
1097. Misty, your dad is in the hospitalCopy !req
1098. because of anger management issuesCopy !req
1099. - and a dodgy heart valve.
- Shut it!Copy !req
1100. You're coming with us
to your shithole bookshop,Copy !req
1101. and you're gonna
watch us burn it down.Copy !req
1102. I think I solved it.Copy !req
1103. What are you supposed to be?Copy !req
1104. The case.
Michael chose meCopy !req
1105. to investigate
the Book's disappearance,Copy !req
1106. and I've been investigating,Copy !req
1107. - and then I thought...
- What is this?Copy !req
1108. I'm really enthusiastic,Copy !req
1109. and I've read
a lot of human detective books.Copy !req
1110. And I'm nice.Copy !req
1111. Kinda in the middle
of something here.Copy !req
1112. But I'm only "the perfect person
for the job"Copy !req
1113. if you don't want the real answer.Copy !req
1114. I'm the useful idiot.Copy !req
1115. And then I thought,
Oh, my heavens,Copy !req
1116. I know who did it!
I made a deduction.Copy !req
1117. - A proper one.
- You worked out thatCopy !req
1118. Michael's the one
that's been doing this.Copy !req
1119. Yes, um,
I worked out thatCopy !req
1120. Mi... oh, you knew?Copy !req
1121. - Yeah.
- Look, can we please focusCopy !req
1122. on the threats
of extreme violence?Copy !req
1123. We worked it out over dim sum.Copy !req
1124. Hell knew what was happeningCopy !req
1125. or about to happen before we did.Copy !req
1126. Michael's the one
that talks to Hell, it's the wayCopy !req
1127. it's always been,
back channels, so, yeah.Copy !req
1128. But your deduction really was excellent.Copy !req
1129. What aren't you getting?
Bookshop. Burn.Copy !req
1130. Burn the bookshop!Copy !req
1131. Hell is not mocked!Copy !req
1132. - How about some gentle ribbing?
- Oh, for fu—Copy !req
1133. who the hell are you?Copy !req
1134. You are not Lord Slorch.Copy !req
1135. His Vileness was elsewhere,
inventing new torments.Copy !req
1136. Your presence was a violationCopy !req
1137. of Preternatural Diplomacy.
This means War.Copy !req
1138. Doesn't everything?Copy !req
1139. - Hello again.
- Oh, hello.Copy !req
1140. You're almost certainly
in trouble, too.Copy !req
1141. Quiet!Copy !req
1142. What are you standing around for?Copy !req
1143. Break something—
lots of things!Copy !req
1144. To be fair, Misty,
Brian's CardiologistCopy !req
1145. was always suggesting
Yoga and Mindfulness,Copy !req
1146. change of diet, getting away
from thinking about work.Copy !req
1147. Shut up and start
hurting people.Copy !req
1148. Never really solves
anything, though,Copy !req
1149. - doing that, does it?
- No, and, you know,Copy !req
1150. you can love your father
without having to be like him.Copy !req
1151. You know, perhaps
there'll be a miracle,Copy !req
1152. and—and he'll pull through,
not that he deserves it.Copy !req
1153. You should be at his side.Copy !req
1154. I've no idea who that lady was,Copy !req
1155. but she's right.Copy !req
1156. There must be
hurting and burning!Copy !req
1157. Hell is not mocked!Copy !req
1158. Missing Messiah's one thing,Copy !req
1159. Book of Life in the wrong hands
is quite another.Copy !req
1160. Yes, potentially
the end of everything.Copy !req
1161. Finding Michael it is, then.Copy !req
1162. Hello, Uriel.Copy !req
1163. You looking for me?Copy !req
1164. I need to speak to Aziraphale.Copy !req
1165. Oh, if you mean
the Supreme Archangel,Copy !req
1166. you can talk to me.
Aziraphale has, um, other plans.Copy !req
1167. Wait, Supreme—
you're not in charge—Copy !req
1168. Strictly speaking,
I have other plans for him,Copy !req
1169. but you know, potato potarto.Copy !req
1170. I have a plan for everything.Copy !req
1171. Well, it's more of a checklist.Copy !req
1172. Quite long, but...Copy !req
1173. just the one item for Aziraphale.Copy !req
1174. "Not existing anymore."Copy !req
1175. The Metatron.Copy !req
1176. Sandalphon.Copy !req
1177. I undid them all.Copy !req
1178. - Why?
- Oh... I dunno.Copy !req
1179. Maybe the literal infinityCopy !req
1180. of grinding slog...Copy !req
1181. carrying out
the idiotic plans of archangelsCopy !req
1182. too vain or too nice
to get the job done?Copy !req
1183. I cannot let
Aziraphale botch this.Copy !req
1184. The Second Coming
must be done properly,Copy !req
1185. as it was foretold.Copy !req
1186. - But that means—
- Yeah!Copy !req
1187. It means destruction!Copy !req
1188. It's my go this time,Copy !req
1189. and it's gonna be
a clean slate.Copy !req
1190. Very, very clean.Copy !req
1191. Would you like to know
how I did it?Copy !req
1192. Would you?Copy !req
1193. It's remarkably easy.Copy !req
1194. I did it like...Copy !req
1195. this.Copy !req
1196. Do you know what's gonna happen
to you now, Uriel?Copy !req
1197. - No, I...
- Nothing.Copy !req
1198. Nothing's gonna happen to you.Copy !req
1199. All the nothing in the world.Copy !req
1200. Oh, look—look.Copy !req
1201. It's happening right now.Copy !req
1202. - Uriel's gone.
- Gone? Gone where?Copy !req
1203. Gone gone,
murdered, I expect.Copy !req
1204. There's your
second death, bingo.Copy !req
1205. - We worked out who did it.
- Yes, Michael.Copy !req
1206. How did you know?Copy !req
1207. Because you're too dim,Copy !req
1208. he's too nice,
and I'm confidentCopy !req
1209. that I didn't go on a fit
of homicidal insanity.Copy !req
1210. Meanwhile,Copy !req
1211. things are just disappearing.Copy !req
1212. Pop, pop, pop.Copy !req
1213. And Canada.Copy !req
1214. We've just lost Canada.Copy !req
1215. Michael's destroying
The Book of Life.Copy !req
1216. No, no, no...
It's, it's impossible.Copy !req
1217. It wouldn't let you destroy it.Copy !req
1218. A few pages
here and there, fine,Copy !req
1219. but no, no, no, no,
it's too well-made.Copy !req
1220. Where is Michael now?Copy !req
1221. Not on Earth, not in Heaven.Copy !req
1222. Your guess is as good as mine.Copy !req
1223. If The Book of Life can't
be destroyed here,Copy !req
1224. where can it be destroyed?Copy !req
1225. There isn't anywhere.Copy !req
1226. Yes, there is.Copy !req
1227. We all fought for control of it
during the great war.Copy !req
1228. - My side lost.
- The Eternal Flame?Copy !req
1229. - Yeah.
- That would do it.Copy !req
1230. Michael must have used
the Book itselfCopy !req
1231. to travel to the Centre
of the Universe.Copy !req
1232. That's the only way
of getting there.Copy !req
1233. That is where
you are very wrong.Copy !req
1234. Angel, time to go.
You two, keep it all together.Copy !req
1235. - Earth, do everything you can.
- Yes, please do!Copy !req
1236. Er, you've always been
so good at that!Copy !req
1237. Um, worked so hard!
Thank you!Copy !req
1238. Australia...Copy !req
1239. what good's
an Australia, anyway?Copy !req
1240. It's just...
It's just stuff,Copy !req
1241. people, boomerangs,Copy !req
1242. big bouncing rats.Copy !req
1243. - Wasn't that—
- Found him!Copy !req
1244. And I found the lady.Copy !req
1245. And I've found my mission, too.Copy !req
1246. - We really should be going.
- It's to reach out to people.Copy !req
1247. And do that,
with the reaching out,Copy !req
1248. and the—and make them
feel... well, until—Copy !req
1249. until the very end,
which hopefully won't happen.Copy !req
1250. Come on, lad, let's get started.Copy !req
1251. How fast did you say this goes?Copy !req
1252. On Earth, about 150, out there,Copy !req
1253. a whole lot faster than light!Copy !req
1254. Oi, oi, step right up,
and no mistake,Copy !req
1255. easiest money
you'll ever make.Copy !req
1256. Come on, gather 'round.Copy !req
1257. You've gotta say
something as well,Copy !req
1258. you know, a bit of patter.Copy !req
1259. Er, come to me,
all of you who are weary,Copy !req
1260. and I will give you rest.Copy !req
1261. Come to me if you are hurt or lonely.Copy !req
1262. Bit dark, maybe?Copy !req
1263. Looking back, I have a feeling thatCopy !req
1264. this is precisely
the sort of thingCopy !req
1265. that got me in trouble
the last time.Copy !req
1266. I'm with you this time,
don't worry.Copy !req
1267. Speak to 'em.Copy !req
1268. Oh, I've always wanted to put
my foot all the way down!Copy !req
1269. Ah, there goes Alpha Centauri.Copy !req
1270. No cocktails there, then.Copy !req
1271. Hang on, Angel!Copy !req
1272. - Woi...
- You're gonna hit that nebula!Copy !req
1273. Relax!Copy !req
1274. Come to me, all Ye.Copy !req
1275. - I have a gift for you.
- Did he just say "all Ye"?Copy !req
1276. Have some elaborate
bread and cheese.Copy !req
1277. Thank you.Copy !req
1278. Is there any more of that?Copy !req
1279. You know, Mutt,
it was an accident.Copy !req
1280. He mixed up the pill bottles.Copy !req
1281. I always wondered.Copy !req
1282. I loved him so much.Copy !req
1283. I'll have a slice, love.Copy !req
1284. Your sister in Bridlington...Copy !req
1285. Hang on, how?Copy !req
1286. she wants you
to come home.Copy !req
1287. Yeah?Copy !req
1288. Well, she said I brought shame
on't family, so...Copy !req
1289. Well, she's too proud
to apologise,Copy !req
1290. and your mum's ill.Copy !req
1291. Blessed are
the lonely and the hungry.Copy !req
1292. Come to me,
those who are lost.Copy !req
1293. For you shall find
your way home.Copy !req
1294. - Thank you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1295. Please take a piece,Copy !req
1296. there's plenty for all.Copy !req
1297. And blessed are you,Copy !req
1298. above all men,Copy !req
1299. Harry the Fish,Copy !req
1300. for you've taught me
the way of the three cards.Copy !req
1301. You're like
the son I never had, Josh.Copy !req
1302. I mean, I did have a son,
and he doesn't speak to me,Copy !req
1303. but if he did,
I couldn't be more chuffed.Copy !req
1304. Not only have
they lost nail-boy,Copy !req
1305. they've broke Divine Law
spying down here!Copy !req
1306. No, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
1307. Now that Heaven has lost
its stupid Second Coming,Copy !req
1308. it's all gone
loony feral bonkers!Copy !req
1309. Ah, they're the bad guys now.Copy !req
1310. Now, now it's our time!Copy !req
1311. Isn't this pretty much
what you said last time?Copy !req
1312. But now it will finally be meCopy !req
1313. at the front of our army,Copy !req
1314. marching into Heaven itself!Copy !req
1315. Armageddon...Copy !req
1316. Er...Copy !req
1317. Your soul is important
to us, please hold.Copy !req
1318. You know,
you weren't completely dim.Copy !req
1319. Oh... I was.Copy !req
1320. This doesn't feel
like universal happiness.Copy !req
1321. Does anybody know
what's happening?Copy !req
1322. My phone's dead.
Where is everyone?Copy !req
1323. Where did he go?Copy !req
1324. But I were going back
to Bridlington.Copy !req
1325. You are a joy bringer, Josh.Copy !req
1326. And I wanted
to tell you that I...Copy !req
1327. Well...Copy !req
1328. this is it, I suppose.Copy !req
1329. Into your hands,
I commit my spirit!Copy !req
1330. Again!Copy !req
1331. I never really seem to get
much of a go.Copy !req
1332. Hello, Michael.Copy !req
1333. Do you want to talk about this?Copy !req
1334. I don't really feel like talking,Copy !req
1335. thank you very much.Copy !req
1336. I've got a lot to do,
I'm burning it all.Copy !req
1337. Air Fryers.
I'm the only oneCopy !req
1338. who knows
there ever were Air Fryers.Copy !req
1339. You poor thing, you—
you must be so tired.Copy !req
1340. - Must I?
- Well, you've beenCopy !req
1341. doing everything, haven't you?
For so long.Copy !req
1342. And—And no one ever said
thank you, did they?Copy !req
1343. Not once, ever.Copy !req
1344. You must have got so tired
being overlooked.Copy !req
1345. Not being appreciated.Copy !req
1346. For thousands of years!Copy !req
1347. Somebody had
to make things work.Copy !req
1348. Oh, and—and you were
so good at that, so capable.Copy !req
1349. I was, I was.
And they were so stupid.Copy !req
1350. - Mm.
- You were, Aziraphale,Copy !req
1351. and Gabriel,
and the Metatron—Copy !req
1352. do you remember the Metatron?Copy !req
1353. He's here somewhere,
I think.Copy !req
1354. Oh, yes, I'm here.Copy !req
1355. You still know...
I existed, Michael.Copy !req
1356. Be quiet!Copy !req
1357. Quiet, right.Copy !req
1358. We don't have to listen to you.Copy !req
1359. You killed us.Copy !req
1360. No, but...Copy !req
1361. I'm the only one who remembers.Copy !req
1362. I remember everything.Copy !req
1363. All the strands,Copy !req
1364. all the possibilities,Copy !req
1365. everything that happened,Copy !req
1366. everything that didn't,Copy !req
1367. I remember it all,
it's all in my head.Copy !req
1368. Ahh, it hurts.Copy !req
1369. That's it then.Copy !req
1370. Ah.Copy !req
1371. It's over.Copy !req
1372. The Metatron did it first.Copy !req
1373. He used to just...Copy !req
1374. used to just fiddle
with things in the Book,Copy !req
1375. get them how he wanted them,
and I thought maybeCopy !req
1376. I could do that, maybe I...Copy !req
1377. I... I'm the only angelCopy !req
1378. who can make
the original plan work.Copy !req
1379. The Great Plan.Copy !req
1380. I do understand.Copy !req
1381. - I just wanted to fix things.
- Yes.Copy !req
1382. Yes, me too.Copy !req
1383. But through love...Copy !req
1384. and hope...Copy !req
1385. - Michael.
- What?Copy !req
1386. There is only ever one wayCopy !req
1387. to fix things.Copy !req
1388. And I'm...Copy !req
1389. going to do that now.Copy !req
1390. What?Copy !req
1391. What are you going to do?Copy !req
1392. I'm going to forgive you.Copy !req
1393. You... You can forgive me.Copy !req
1394. I...Copy !req
1395. I can't.Copy !req
1396. Take my hand, quickly!Copy !req
1397. Open?Copy !req
1398. Someone might want
to buy a book.Copy !req
1399. As far as I can tell,Copy !req
1400. the entirety of creation is
us and this bookshop.Copy !req
1401. I don't think
you're gonna get many customers.Copy !req
1402. Crowley...Copy !req
1403. before anything else
happens, um...Copy !req
1404. there is one more thing
that needs fixing.Copy !req
1405. What?Copy !req
1406. I need you to forgive me.Copy !req
1407. Oh, come on, Angel.Copy !req
1408. I need to hear you say it.Copy !req
1409. Ah—ugh.Copy !req
1410. Please, Crowley.Copy !req
1411. Eeh...Copy !req
1412. No, don't do the dance.Copy !req
1413. Well?Copy !req
1414. Eh, I forgive you.Copy !req
1415. s-I didn't—
- I forgive you.Copy !req
1416. Thank you.Copy !req
1417. Well, there's just us.Copy !req
1418. In the whole of everything.Copy !req
1419. It's a place for us.Copy !req
1420. We've got nothing.Copy !req
1421. Well, we've got each other.Copy !req
1422. And we've probably got some cocoa.Copy !req
1423. And we've got lots of books.Copy !req
1424. Have we?Copy !req
1425. Good luck reading these.Copy !req
1426. But that's...Copy !req
1427. Even the Dickens.Copy !req
1428. Well, if... if it's all
come down to this, then...Copy !req
1429. there must be some sort
of answer here, finally.Copy !req
1430. To everything.Copy !req
1431. Oh, yeah,
100,000 blank booksCopy !req
1432. but one with all the answers in them.Copy !req
1433. It doesn't sound
very likely, does it?Copy !req
1434. Can I...
Can I help you?Copy !req
1435. I'm afraid all the books
appear to be blank.Copy !req
1436. Even the Dickens.Copy !req
1437. I know you.Copy !req
1438. You do, yes.Copy !req
1439. Oh, yes, there is...Copy !req
1440. something familiar about you.Copy !req
1441. Last time you saw me,
I was a thousand feet high,Copy !req
1442. bright red, lots of horns
and fabulous teeth,Copy !req
1443. arguing with my son.Copy !req
1444. Satan.Copy !req
1445. You're Satan.Copy !req
1446. That's really just a—
a job title.Copy !req
1447. It means the Adversary.Copy !req
1448. And I don't know if I still have a job,Copy !req
1449. but yes.Copy !req
1450. I was the Satan
for a very long time.Copy !req
1451. Hello, Crowley.Copy !req
1452. How are you still here?Copy !req
1453. Is that any way
to greet an old friend?Copy !req
1454. Oh, we were never friends.Copy !req
1455. I want answers,
and I want them now.Copy !req
1456. I don't give answers.Copy !req
1457. And God definitely doesn't.Copy !req
1458. So, you're the Devil.Copy !req
1459. Hm. It can't have been
much fun for you.Copy !req
1460. Fun?Copy !req
1461. It's not about having fun.Copy !req
1462. It's about pride and honour.Copy !req
1463. It's about refusing
to acknowledge humans as superior.Copy !req
1464. It's about challenging God.Copy !req
1465. Yeah, but you never
really did, did you?Copy !req
1466. Excuse me?Copy !req
1467. The great revolt—
the War in Heaven?Copy !req
1468. What was that then, eh?Copy !req
1469. A two week holiday in Marbella?Copy !req
1470. You knew what we didn't know,
didn't you?Copy !req
1471. You knew we couldn't win.Copy !req
1472. You were never going to win, were you?
That wasn't the plan!Copy !req
1473. I didn't know that,
I thought we had a chance.Copy !req
1474. And so did you.Copy !req
1475. That's why you joined up.Copy !req
1476. I don't remember
why I joined you, not anymore.Copy !req
1477. I was tired, and I was angry,Copy !req
1478. I wanted it all to make sense.Copy !req
1479. And you seemed to care.Copy !req
1480. I did care.Copy !req
1481. Nah.Copy !req
1482. You were just doing your job.Copy !req
1483. Do you have a pen?Copy !req
1484. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1485. What kind of pen do you need?Copy !req
1486. Pass me a book.Copy !req
1487. Which book?Copy !req
1488. Well, it doesn't matter,
they're all blank.Copy !req
1489. Whichever one you give me
is the right one.Copy !req
1490. Bleak House.Copy !req
1491. But—But that isn't
The Book of Life.Copy !req
1492. It is if we say it is.Copy !req
1493. What are you two idiots doing now?Copy !req
1494. I want answers.Copy !req
1495. Oh—no, no,
you can't do that.Copy !req
1496. Oh, yes, we can.Copy !req
1497. Do you want to write it?Copy !req
1498. Give me the pen.Copy !req
1499. "There were four of them
in that bookshop,Copy !req
1500. which was the whole world.Copy !req
1501. An angel, a former demon,Copy !req
1502. the Devil himself,Copy !req
1503. and one other,Copy !req
1504. one who was there,Copy !req
1505. because They were omnipresent.Copy !req
1506. They had always been there.Copy !req
1507. They would always be there..."Copy !req
1508. As you say, Aziraphale,Copy !req
1509. you do not really need
to summon me.Copy !req
1510. I was already here.Copy !req
1511. Yes, you can be everywhere, but...Copy !req
1512. that doesn't mean...
you'll talk to us, Lord.Copy !req
1513. So, Crowley,
what's your question?Copy !req
1514. I thought you didn't answer questions?Copy !req
1515. Time is done, Crowley.Copy !req
1516. I'll answer one question from you.Copy !req
1517. But it had better be a good one.Copy !req
1518. Oh, it's a good one.Copy !req
1519. Well...Copy !req
1520. it's the only one I've got.Copy !req
1521. It's not the Problem of Evil,
is it?Copy !req
1522. Because I can tell you,Copy !req
1523. I'm over being blamed
for that one.Copy !req
1524. No, no, not exactly that.Copy !req
1525. No, just...Copy !req
1526. Ask.Copy !req
1527. Why make peopleCopy !req
1528. and then punish them
for behaving like people?Copy !req
1529. Humans are gonna human,
no matter what we do.Copy !req
1530. There's nothing
we can ever do about that.Copy !req
1531. Oh, it is the Problem of Evil.Copy !req
1532. Ha—told you.
So predictable.Copy !req
1533. No, no, no,
it's not the Problem of Evil.Copy !req
1534. It's the—It's the problem
of everything.Copy !req
1535. But let's talk about people.Copy !req
1536. They are born into a worldCopy !req
1537. that is against them
in a thousand different ways,Copy !req
1538. and then devote
most of their energyCopy !req
1539. to making it worse.Copy !req
1540. Where you'll find the real graceCopy !req
1541. and the real heart-stopping evilCopy !req
1542. is right inside the human mind.Copy !req
1543. But a person isn't the worst thingCopy !req
1544. they've ever done,
any more thanCopy !req
1545. they're the best thing
they've ever done.Copy !req
1546. Why make them that way?Copy !req
1547. - That's free will.
- Free will?Copy !req
1548. Nah, it's just
a card trick, isn't it?Copy !req
1549. The suckers think
they're playing for real.Copy !req
1550. But the dealer knows.
Nobody finds the ladyCopy !req
1551. unless she wants them to.Copy !req
1552. What about you, Aziraphale?Copy !req
1553. - Er, me?
- You.Copy !req
1554. Do you have a burning question?Copy !req
1555. I just wish it'd been easier.Copy !req
1556. I just wanted to do the right thing.Copy !req
1557. You what?Copy !req
1558. You just wanted to be
left alone to read.Copy !req
1559. You wanted to consume
all the yummy human food.Copy !req
1560. - The lovely human music.
- You say all thatCopy !req
1561. as if it negates me
wanting to do the right thing.Copy !req
1562. Aziraphale, you were
the first angel to lie to me.Copy !req
1563. You were lazy.Copy !req
1564. Gluttonous.Copy !req
1565. Prideful.Copy !req
1566. Quite true.Copy !req
1567. And I was also the second best
angel you ever had.Copy !req
1568. - You were what?
- The second best angel—Copy !req
1569. Who do you think
the best angel was?Copy !req
1570. This one.Copy !req
1571. I was a terrible angel.Copy !req
1572. No, no.Copy !req
1573. No, you were the best of us.Copy !req
1574. You cared so much about everything.Copy !req
1575. You were an artist.Copy !req
1576. You wanted to understand,
to make better art.Copy !req
1577. The rest of us,Copy !req
1578. we were just characters in her book.Copy !req
1579. We didn't ask questions.Copy !req
1580. You were the only one of us who...Copy !req
1581. genuinely believed
there had to be a...Copy !req
1582. a sensible purpose to it all.Copy !req
1583. Er—I'm nobody's character.Copy !req
1584. If I'm just a part of Her story,Copy !req
1585. then... what am I doing still here?Copy !req
1586. Do you want me to tell him,
or will you?Copy !req
1587. I'm interested
in what you have to say, angel.Copy !req
1588. Because it's a tidy way to finish.Copy !req
1589. Two of you,Copy !req
1590. Deity and the Adversary,Copy !req
1591. facing off.Copy !req
1592. And even shaking hands.Copy !req
1593. And then it all ends for good.Copy !req
1594. The cosmic game of chess...Copy !req
1595. is over.Copy !req
1596. When really
you've just been a stand-inCopy !req
1597. in a cosmic game of solitaire.Copy !req
1598. Ridiculous.Copy !req
1599. You know, Lord, I...Copy !req
1600. - I do have a question.
- Ask it then.Copy !req
1601. Why...Copy !req
1602. why give me Crowley?Copy !req
1603. Why make me complete...Copy !req
1604. and then take it away?Copy !req
1605. You know you won't get an answer.Copy !req
1606. Because...Copy !req
1607. you were able to valueCopy !req
1608. what most people
never even know they have.Copy !req
1609. Your love for him...Copy !req
1610. was the messiest,Copy !req
1611. silliest, most predictable thing
in the universe.Copy !req
1612. And it always made me smile.Copy !req
1613. But that was then.
That universe is over.Copy !req
1614. As I think are both of you.Copy !req
1615. No—whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop!Copy !req
1616. You still haven't answered
the first question.Copy !req
1617. What I want to know is...Copy !req
1618. why did you think
it was a good idea,Copy !req
1619. even a sensible idea...Copy !req
1620. to make an infinite universe...Copy !req
1621. run it for 6,000 years,Copy !req
1622. and then just... tip the board over?Copy !req
1623. The whole thing is lunacy.Copy !req
1624. Everything ends.Copy !req
1625. A story doesn't have to go beyondCopy !req
1626. the last page of its book, Crowley,Copy !req
1627. and that story is over.Copy !req
1628. I don't accept that.Copy !req
1629. And I do not accept
that you're the oneCopy !req
1630. that gets to make
all these decisions.Copy !req
1631. Why should that be?Copy !req
1632. Very well.Copy !req
1633. I'll let you choose.Copy !req
1634. This decision,
this one decision,Copy !req
1635. can be yours.
What do you want?Copy !req
1636. Do you want me to put
everything back the way it was?Copy !req
1637. Can we talk?Copy !req
1638. Very well.
I'll give you privacy.Copy !req
1639. So...Copy !req
1640. what do you want?Copy !req
1641. Me? Why me?Copy !req
1642. Because I only want one thing.Copy !req
1643. And that's not
what this is about anymore.Copy !req
1644. What do you want, Crowley?Copy !req
1645. You know what I want.Copy !req
1646. I want a real universe.Copy !req
1647. I want the people to have a chance.Copy !req
1648. I want Free Will to be a real thing.Copy !req
1649. People deserve the chance...Copy !req
1650. to live in the real world.Copy !req
1651. Even if there are no angels.Copy !req
1652. No demons.Copy !req
1653. No us.Copy !req
1654. Ever again.Copy !req
1655. Did I say the wrong thing?Copy !req
1656. I believe we've come to a decision.Copy !req
1657. So, then he says,
"I've got a better idea,Copy !req
1658. let's not and say we did."Copy !req
1659. So, I thought,
well, there you go.Copy !req
1660. Yes?Copy !req
1661. Made your decision?Copy !req
1662. We want you to create
another universe.Copy !req
1663. One without angels.
Or demons.Copy !req
1664. No god.
No satan.Copy !req
1665. A universe without a Heaven
and without a Hell.Copy !req
1666. No great plan, nothing ineffable.Copy !req
1667. It just starts
with a Big Bang and endsCopy !req
1668. billions of years later,Copy !req
1669. with the Heat Death
of the Universe.Copy !req
1670. Or, you know,
however it stops.Copy !req
1671. Heat Death isn't a dealbreaker.Copy !req
1672. - No.
- You're asking GodCopy !req
1673. to create a Godless universe?Copy !req
1674. Neither of you could ever exist
in such a universe,Copy !req
1675. you understand?Copy !req
1676. Wait.Copy !req
1677. You're not gonna indulge themCopy !req
1678. in this nonsense, are you?Copy !req
1679. Yes.Copy !req
1680. Yes, I think I am.Copy !req
1681. You two fully comprehend the cost?Copy !req
1682. We know what we're asking for.Copy !req
1683. Very well.Copy !req
1684. I'll make it.
I'll make the Universe your way.Copy !req
1685. I'll even let an Earth happen.Copy !req
1686. Eventually, there'll be humans and life,Copy !req
1687. in all of its mundane glory.Copy !req
1688. Something that both of youCopy !req
1689. will neither know
or experience, though.Copy !req
1690. That doesn't matter.Copy !req
1691. Say goodbye then.Copy !req
1692. - Uh, excuse me?
- Yes, can I help you?Copy !req
1693. Uh, yeah, I was just passing,
and I saw the shop.Copy !req
1694. I was wondering, do you have
any books on Astrophysics?Copy !req
1695. Astrophysics, um,Copy !req
1696. Derek, do we have any books
on Astrophysics?Copy !req
1697. Er, ye—oh, it's in there,
beside Gardening,Copy !req
1698. opposite Philosophy.Copy !req
1699. I knew that.Copy !req
1700. Um... this way.Copy !req
1701. Er...Copy !req
1702. ah, here we are.Copy !req
1703. Um, Astrophysics for Everyone:Copy !req
1704. From the Big Bang
to the Pillars of Creation.Copy !req
1705. We've had this for years.Copy !req
1706. I think I could probably
give it to you for half price.Copy !req
1707. Hmm...Copy !req
1708. you have no idea
how much that hurts me.Copy !req
1709. Oh—well, did I say
something wrong?Copy !req
1710. No, I shouldn't have said
anything, sorry.Copy !req
1711. No, um...Copy !req
1712. I wrote it.Copy !req
1713. Oh—oh!Copy !req
1714. Well, right.Copy !req
1715. Yes, you—well, I mean,
you don't want your own book.Copy !req
1716. Probably already got a copy.Copy !req
1717. Two boxes in the garage.Copy !req
1718. Um, well, how about this?Copy !req
1719. Yes, it's not exactly
cutting edge, but...Copy !req
1720. Oh, this is, um,Copy !req
1721. Arthur Eddington's book on Relativity.Copy !req
1722. Second edition, I'm afraid.Copy !req
1723. This—I've always wanted
a copy of this.Copy !req
1724. Oh, wonderful,
this is my lucky day.Copy !req
1725. Oh, good, mine too.Copy !req
1726. - How so?
- Because I, um...Copy !req
1727. have a book you want.Copy !req
1728. Fair enough.Copy !req
1729. Oh, 20 pounds,
wonderful, thank you.Copy !req
1730. Er...Copy !req
1731. did you see we've got
a couple of Brian Cox's?Copy !req
1732. And that big book
of "Astrophysics for Everyone."Copy !req
1733. No, no, he's—
he's the author, Derek.Copy !req
1734. Yes, he has two boxesCopy !req
1735. - in his garage.
- Oh.Copy !req
1736. I definitely shouldn't have
mentioned that.Copy !req
1737. There you are, enjoy.Copy !req
1738. Well, thank you.Copy !req
1739. So, that was
Professor Anthony Crowley.Copy !req
1740. How'd you know that?Copy !req
1741. Hmm?Copy !req
1742. Well, his name's in big lettersCopy !req
1743. on the book you're still holding.Copy !req
1744. Well, aren't you going
to go after him?Copy !req
1745. Why would I possibly go after him?Copy !req
1746. Well, you liked him.Copy !req
1747. And it looked very much
like he liked you.Copy !req
1748. Oi—I mean,
excuse me, stop.Copy !req
1749. Oh, sorry, did I leave something?
Is everything okay?Copy !req
1750. Oh...Copy !req
1751. - I told you, two boxes—
- No, I know.Copy !req
1752. Um...Copy !req
1753. sorry, a bit puffed.Copy !req
1754. Um, no, I bought it.Copy !req
1755. Would you—
could you sign it for me?Copy !req
1756. Of course.Copy !req
1757. - What's your name?
- Fell, Asa Fell.Copy !req
1758. With an S.Copy !req
1759. - Um, do you have a...
- Oh! Yes, sorry.Copy !req
1760. Er, yes.Copy !req
1761. I need you to write
your number down too, for me.Copy !req
1762. So I can ask you to dinner.Copy !req
1763. And... you'll say no,Copy !req
1764. and, um... but at least
I'll have asked.Copy !req
1765. Um...Copy !req
1766. I'm not going to give you
my number.Copy !req
1767. No, no, no, no. Sorry.Copy !req
1768. I'll wait for you.Copy !req
1769. Where are we having dinner?Copy !req
1770. - So, how was everything?
- Oh, it was scrumptious.Copy !req
1771. Absolutely scrumptious.Copy !req
1772. I've never heard anyone use that wordCopy !req
1773. in real life before.Copy !req
1774. Ah, well, my mother used to say it.Copy !req
1775. Right.Copy !req
1776. Another one she used to say
was "Tickety-boo."Copy !req
1777. - Right.
- And... and "Squiffy."Copy !req
1778. - Squiffy, that's good.
- HopelesslyCopy !req
1779. - yet amusingly drunk.
- Yes, yes.Copy !req
1780. Um, so the bookshop?Copy !req
1781. Ah, well, Derek,Copy !req
1782. that's the owner, he...Copy !req
1783. - Cocoa delivery.
- Oh.Copy !req
1784. - Oh, it's scrumptious.
- Mmm.Copy !req
1785. There you go.Copy !req
1786. How are the celestial bodies tonight?
Behaving?Copy !req
1787. It's the Eta Aquarid
meteor shower.Copy !req
1788. We mightn't need a telescope.Copy !req
1789. We can see it
with the naked eye.Copy !req
1790. Ahh, well, maybe we should...Copy !req
1791. look at them together.Copy !req
1792. Oh, look.
A shooting star.Copy !req
1793. Oh.Copy !req
1794. Technically, it's—
it's meteorite debrisCopy !req
1795. from Halley's comet.Copy !req
1796. Well, I—I know
it's not a real shooting star,Copy !req
1797. but I want to make a wish.Copy !req
1798. Oh, right.Copy !req
1799. There.Copy !req
1800. Do you hear that bird?Copy !req
1801. That's definitely a nightingale.Copy !req
1802. How can you tell?Copy !req
1803. Well, it's not an owl.Copy !req
1804. And it's night.Copy !req
1805. You wouldn't know a nightingaleCopy !req
1806. if it perched
on the end of your nose.Copy !req
1807. It's definitely, definitely a nightingale.Copy !req
1808. Do you ever wonder if there's...Copy !req
1809. anything more than this?Copy !req
1810. I don't need anything more than this.Copy !req
1811. I—I have the universe out there,Copy !req
1812. - and I have you.
- Oh.Copy !req
1813. I have everything I've ever wanted.Copy !req