1. Lesi, could you play something
that's got a bit of swing?Copy !req
2. I'm in the mood for something modern,
but not Bebop.Copy !req
3. Ah.Copy !req
4. Perfect.Copy !req
5. Oh, I wish I could stop
and give you a lift, but I'm so late.Copy !req
6. I'm sure someone will stop for you.Copy !req
7. How odd.Copy !req
8. I'm so, so sorry.Copy !req
9. I really do have to get to— Oh!Copy !req
10. I'm so sorry, can you be an angel
and give me a lift?Copy !req
11. My car's broken down and my phone's dead.Copy !req
12. Just to the next town,
there's a garage there.Copy !req
13. Oh... yes, well...Copy !req
14. I suppose you better climb in, then.Copy !req
15. You are the nicest person.Copy !req
16. - I'd given up, thank you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
17. I knew you couldn't resist
somebody under stress.Copy !req
18. What a heap of junk this car is.Copy !req
19. You'd think you would've upgraded
sometime in the last 90 years, but no.Copy !req
20. Who are you?Copy !req
21. It's Aziraphale, isn't it?Copy !req
22. Former Angel of the Eastern Gate.Copy !req
23. You have the advantage on me.Copy !req
24. I do, yes.Copy !req
25. Shax.Copy !req
26. Former Admissions demon, senior grade.Copy !req
27. Now a Hell's ambassador planner,
potentially to this corner of the planet.Copy !req
28. Replacing the demon Crowley.Copy !req
29. Oh.Copy !req
30. Crowley's got Gabriel, hasn't he?Copy !req
31. I really have no idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
32. It's the only thing
that makes sense.Copy !req
33. Crowley is hiding the Angel Gabriel.Copy !req
34. I think you must have me
confused for someone else.Copy !req
35. I'm a little bemused as to why
Crowley should risk destruction for you.Copy !req
36. You don't seem his type at all.Copy !req
37. I can tell how Crowley's got him.Copy !req
38. Crowley doesn't have Gabriel.
Where would he put him?Copy !req
39. Gabriel would never go to Crowley,
he hates Crowley.Copy !req
40. He hates you.Copy !req
41. I don't know where he is,
but he isn't with Crowley.Copy !req
42. - No?
- No.Copy !req
43. You know what?Copy !req
44. Sometime in the last 18, 19 years,Copy !req
45. I remember hearing
that you and Crowley were an item.Copy !req
46. I didn't believe it then.Copy !req
47. Not really.Copy !req
48. Poor old Furfur.Copy !req
49. He thought you were
his ticket to the big time.Copy !req
50. Now he's on requisitions.Copy !req
51. I'm afraid I have no idea
what you are talking about.Copy !req
52. Nor where this Angel Gabriel,
who I've never heard of, might be.Copy !req
53. You can let me out here.Copy !req
54. - This is in the middle of nowhere.
- Sounds about right.Copy !req
55. It's okay.Copy !req
56. You've already told me where he is.Copy !req
57. No! How, how did I tell you
where Gabriel is?Copy !req
58. You didn't.Copy !req
59. You have now.Copy !req
60. If the bomb does land here,Copy !req
61. it would take a real miracleCopy !req
62. for my friend and I to survive it.Copy !req
63. That was very kind of you.Copy !req
64. - Shut up.
- Well...Copy !req
65. It was. No paperwork for us to have.Copy !req
66. Oh, the books.Copy !req
67. Oh.Copy !req
68. I forgot all the books.Copy !req
69. Oh, they'll all be blown to—Copy !req
70. Little demonic miracle of man. Lift home?Copy !req
71. Hello.Copy !req
72. Have a miserable eternity.Copy !req
73. We'd like to apologize for the wait
and the conditions, but we won't.Copy !req
74. Cheer up.
Things could be worse, and they will be.Copy !req
75. Shoot number four, all the way down.Copy !req
76. Have a miserable eternity.Copy !req
77. Next.Copy !req
78. for the rest of eternity,Copy !req
79. worse and worse and worse.Copy !req
80. Next.Copy !req
81. I've had enough of this, I need a cuppa.
You'll have to wait.Copy !req
82. Excuse me. Excuse me!Copy !req
83. Hello.
Have a miserable eternity.Copy !req
84. We'd like to apologize for the wait
and the conditions, but we won't.Copy !req
85. Cheer up.
Things could be worse and they will be.Copy !req
86. Aargh.Copy !req
87. Ouch.Copy !req
88. Unbelievable.Copy !req
89. Having a rough one?Copy !req
90. No, no, it's perfect.Copy !req
91. I've spent all morning
processing 52 men called Otto.Copy !req
92. You know,Copy !req
93. if you really want to get out of here,Copy !req
94. I believe they are looking to move some
people from Admissions to Temptations.Copy !req
95. Well, it's never come easy to me.
Climbing the greasy pole.Copy !req
96. I get all double tongue tied.Copy !req
97. The thing is...Copy !req
98. I do have the ear of the higher demons.Copy !req
99. I could always put in a word for you.Copy !req
100. Really?Copy !req
101. If you were to hear something
on the Hell burn,Copy !req
102. some demon somewhere up to some good,Copy !req
103. just let me know.Copy !req
104. I could get you
in front of the Dark Council.Copy !req
105. You'd do that for me?Copy !req
106. Then some day,Copy !req
107. and that day may never come,Copy !req
108. I could call on youCopy !req
109. to do a service for me.Copy !req
110. Yeah, yeah I will.Copy !req
111. You know...Copy !req
112. that was a very nice thingCopy !req
113. - you did for me.
- Shut up.Copy !req
114. There must be something I can do for youCopy !req
115. - in return.
- Forget it, will you?Copy !req
116. Right.Copy !req
117. Spot of business to do.Copy !req
118. Spreading the old demon drink.Copy !req
119. Ah.Copy !req
120. The theater.Copy !req
121. Bravo! Sophocles, Shakespeare.Copy !req
122. - Something like that.
- So improving.Copy !req
123. Talking of improving.Copy !req
124. Time for delivery
of some black market joy.Copy !req
125. Lovely bottles of joy.
Thank you for sending proof.Copy !req
126. We should not be here.Copy !req
127. I'm telling you now,
my planning is always exemplary.Copy !req
128. I had the Luftwaffe bombing plansCopy !req
129. and everything was going
to the East end of London.Copy !req
130. Absolutely.Copy !req
131. It has something to do
with that swine Crowley.Copy !req
132. What did you just say?Copy !req
133. It was Mr. Crowley's meddling
that caused this.Copy !req
134. Crowley?Copy !req
135. Yes, they did say something about...Copy !req
136. demonic interventions
just before the bomb hit the church.Copy !req
137. They? Who is they?Copy !req
138. Crowley and his bookseller friend,
Mr. Fell.Copy !req
139. Real sissy type, a proper fear girl.Copy !req
140. Schtum for a minute.
So this all happened in a church?Copy !req
141. And this Crowley was there?Copy !req
142. In a church, on hallowed ground?Copy !req
143. Tell me...Copy !req
144. everything.Copy !req
145. Broken? All of them?Copy !req
146. Didn't you have air in your bloody tires?Copy !req
147. What's the matter with you,
you great lump?Copy !req
148. Right, yeah, I did, I parked right next to
a place where a bomb went off, Mrs. H.Copy !req
149. Don't you Mrs. H me, you cheeky sod.Copy !req
150. I paid you for 40 bottles
and I bloody well want them.Copy !req
151. What a day.Copy !req
152. You smashed my Whiskey,Copy !req
153. the heating is knackered,Copy !req
154. and the girls won't go on stage
because it's so bleeding cold.Copy !req
155. And to top it all off,Copy !req
156. tonight's magician has just been
arrested as a deserter.Copy !req
157. I'm f—Copy !req
158. Erm, I wonder if I might be able to
help you out on behalf of my...Copy !req
159. erm, good friend here.Copy !req
160. I am no stranger
to the art of prestidigitation.Copy !req
161. Right, here is the deal.Copy !req
162. I can grant you temporary licenseCopy !req
163. to go back up to Earth
as zombies for 24 hours.Copy !req
164. - As zombies?
- Zombies, yes, the living dead.Copy !req
165. Then if you are able to find me hard proofCopy !req
166. that the demon Crowley and this Mr. Fell,Copy !req
167. who from your description
appears to be an Angel,Copy !req
168. are not just associating
but actively working together,Copy !req
169. I will be authorized to grant you freedom
from Hell and Damnation.Copy !req
170. What if this Angel, Mr. Fell,
uses his heavenly powers against us?Copy !req
171. No worry about that, I recently qualified
as an authorized miracle blocker.Copy !req
172. I can stop all that very easily, but...Copy !req
173. if you don't want to do it, no problem,Copy !req
174. the alternative is this.Copy !req
175. Oh!Copy !req
176. Not him, that's Asterik,
he just brought me the clicker.Copy !req
177. Thank you.Copy !req
178. - A spider's web?
- Give me a minute, it's fiddly.Copy !req
179. Comandant Klupps.Copy !req
180. You'd be passed through
this spider's digestive system,Copy !req
181. expelled as faecal matter,Copy !req
182. reconstituted as a Nazi headed flyCopy !req
183. and the whole sorry business is repeated.Copy !req
184. For how long?Copy !req
185. Let me check for you.Copy !req
186. Eternity. So, if you'd rather takeCopy !req
187. the initial 24 hours
as a living dead on Earth,Copy !req
188. just sign here, otherwise it's straight
through there for spinne time.Copy !req
189. So...Copy !req
190. what do we do when we find the proof?Copy !req
191. Just twist the jewel on this,Copy !req
192. that summons me, I'll be right there.Copy !req
193. And then what?Copy !req
194. Well, I should be the one
to collect the proofCopy !req
195. with this state of the art device.Copy !req
196. All done.Copy !req
197. As newly inculcated members of the undead,Copy !req
198. you will experience periods of blood lust
which you will have to satisfy.Copy !req
199. These cravings can only be quenched
by the consumption of living human brains,Copy !req
200. just to keep you going. Any questions?Copy !req
201. Good.Copy !req
202. I bet that's worth a packet.Copy !req
203. Here, let me try.Copy !req
204. - I am so sorry.
- Oh, woops.Copy !req
205. All right, I'll say it.Copy !req
206. I'm starving.Copy !req
207. Well...Copy !req
208. At least he has oxygen, eh?Copy !req
209. I'll be honest, that wasn't...Copy !req
210. unpleasant.Copy !req
211. I agree.Copy !req
212. Almost...Copy !req
213. chickeny.Copy !req
214. - Or chopped liver.
- Mm...Copy !req
215. Who knew living brains
could be quite so...Copy !req
216. He's repeating on me, sorry.Copy !req
217. This way, this way.Copy !req
218. He'll be in his bookshop.Copy !req
219. Cheers for getting me off the hook.Copy !req
220. Oh, there's no need
to thank me, that's what...Copy !req
221. friendsCopy !req
222. are for.Copy !req
223. You're aware that you're going to be
performing on the West End Stage tonight?Copy !req
224. It's just that those stages
take some filling.Copy !req
225. You're talking to the AngelCopy !req
226. who fooled NefertitiCopy !req
227. with a lone caraway seed
on three cowry shells.Copy !req
228. Aha! Professor Hoffmann's modern magic.Copy !req
229. Ah, there you are.Copy !req
230. "To Mr. Fell," that's me,Copy !req
231. "a wonderful student."Copy !req
232. We must know what they are saying.Copy !req
233. Let me look,
I'm an expert lip reader.Copy !req
234. Hand me those.Copy !req
235. Go on, then.Copy !req
236. I'm a lonely GI
anxiously awaiting the arrivalCopy !req
237. of the Ladies of Camelot. Amaze me.Copy !req
238. Yeah, erm...Copy !req
239. Go on, Mr. British man,Copy !req
240. wow me with your miracles.Copy !req
241. Can I just say that I doCopy !req
242. only allow myself one tiny weeny miracle?Copy !req
243. Just to warm the audience and myself.Copy !req
244. Erm...Copy !req
245. For instance,Copy !req
246. turning a common turnipCopy !req
247. into an inkwell.Copy !req
248. But before...Copy !req
249. that, everything...Copy !req
250. I do is accomplished by...Copy !req
251. skillful conjuring alone.Copy !req
252. Now...
I have hereCopy !req
253. a sixpenceCopy !req
254. and a farthing.Copy !req
255. But...Copy !req
256. if I close my hand thusly,Copy !req
257. for but a blink of an eye...Copy !req
258. Well?Copy !req
259. - What is he saying?
- He says...Copy !req
260. - Banana.
- Banana.Copy !req
261. - Fish.
- Fish.Copy !req
262. - Gorilla.
- Gorilla.Copy !req
263. - Shoe lace.
- Shoe lace.Copy !req
264. A dash of nutmeg.Copy !req
265. Banana, fish, gorilla,
shoe lace with a dash of nutmeg.Copy !req
266. And...Copy !req
267. The farthing...Copy !req
268. has vanished.Copy !req
269. Right.Copy !req
270. What you just did is remarkable,Copy !req
271. I don't have the foggiest notion
how it's done.Copy !req
272. But that's a trick
for close quarters, eh?Copy !req
273. What you do tonight has to be bigger.Copy !req
274. I see, yeah, you're right, of course.Copy !req
275. We need something new, something dramatic.Copy !req
276. You know if there's somewhere we can...Copy !req
277. I don't know, buy tricks.Copy !req
278. Well, there is ah...
Will Goldstone's magic shop.Copy !req
279. But that's for
professional conjurers only.Copy !req
280. You, my Nefertiti fooling fellow,Copy !req
281. are about to perform
on the West End Stage.Copy !req
282. If that doesn't make you
a professional conjurer,Copy !req
283. I don't know what does.Copy !req
284. Oh, that's marvelous, sir.Copy !req
285. - Are you familiar with it?
- No.Copy !req
286. Well, please hand me the contents
and I will gladly show you.Copy !req
287. A lot of fun that,
a lot of fun.Copy !req
288. - And it's only two and six.
- Oh, well, that's...Copy !req
289. not the sort of thing we're looking for.Copy !req
290. I need a showstopper.Copy !req
291. Erm, oh.Copy !req
292. Like these beauties.Copy !req
293. Oh, yes.Copy !req
294. You see, I do have a gift for prop—Copy !req
295. Erm.Copy !req
296. Well, a sort of natural dexterity.Copy !req
297. What about this?Copy !req
298. We call this one
the professor's nightmare.Copy !req
299. Now, I've got a big piece of rope,Copy !req
300. a medium size piece...Copy !req
301. Ah, with you in a few moments, sir.Copy !req
302. And a wee baby piece.Copy !req
303. Now, if I gather up the ends here,Copy !req
304. and collect all of the unequal ends here,Copy !req
305. a little tug,Copy !req
306. and they all stretch to become
exactly the same length.Copy !req
307. You see the big piece is the same length
as the medium size pieceCopy !req
308. and the short piece is the same length
as the other two.Copy !req
309. See, this one here,
this one is the long piece.Copy !req
310. You can tell it apart
from the others, right?Copy !req
311. Perhaps is the light.
You see, there's the long piece,Copy !req
312. there's the medium piece,
and there's the short piece.Copy !req
313. Now this is perfect
for a talented amateur such as yourself.Copy !req
314. A talented amateur?Copy !req
315. Well, I'll have you know
I'm booked to appear in the West End.Copy !req
316. Erm, the Windmill theater
at 8:30 p.m. Tonight.Copy !req
317. Thank you very much.Copy !req
318. I'm looking for something
with a bit more scale.Copy !req
319. Something climactic.Copy !req
320. Like that.Copy !req
321. A Bullet Catch, lovely.Copy !req
322. No, no, no.
I'm afraid that's not for you, sir.Copy !req
323. - What about this?
- No, no, I've found my showstopper.Copy !req
324. - How much is it?
- You do not understand.Copy !req
325. Twelve people have died
presenting this effect.Copy !req
326. Years ago, I sold one to a lovely Chinese
fella and he ended up six foot under.Copy !req
327. I'd hate to see
the same thing happen to you.Copy !req
328. - How much?
- Are you sure?Copy !req
329. - Are you sure you are sure?
- Quite sure. How much?Copy !req
330. Two pound ten.Copy !req
331. And another four pound 15 shillings
for the rifle.Copy !req
332. But you'll need a firearms license.Copy !req
333. Oh, I have one of those already.Copy !req
334. - You what?
- Oh, yes, I keep a DerringerCopy !req
335. in the bookshop,
inside a hollowed out book.Copy !req
336. In case I get into a scrape.Copy !req
337. You read too many books.Copy !req
338. And seven pounds, and...Copy !req
339. five shillings.Copy !req
340. Your life is worth a lot more
than seven pounds five shillings.Copy !req
341. Well, is a life worth more than...Copy !req
342. 27 pounds and five shillings?Copy !req
343. On your head be it.Copy !req
344. I mean, I have warned you.Copy !req
345. It'll take a miracle for you
to be able to perform this safely tonight.Copy !req
346. That's why you just sell us the trick.Copy !req
347. Leave the miracles to us.Copy !req
348. You don't understand, look.Copy !req
349. Where are we?Copy !req
350. Here, you need nerves of steel.Copy !req
351. And a hand as steady
as the rock of Gibraltar.Copy !req
352. Well, I have those.Copy !req
353. Sir, go and take a look
at the pocket tricks over there, go on.Copy !req
354. I'll be with you in a minute.Copy !req
355. You're going to need
a 100% reliable marksman.Copy !req
356. Someone you can really trust.Copy !req
357. Otherwise, it's lethal.Copy !req
358. Oh, I've got the perfect man for the job.Copy !req
359. At least,Copy !req
360. I think I have...
excuse me, for one minute.Copy !req
361. You'll do the shooting,
I'll catch the bullet.Copy !req
362. I'll do all the hard bits.Copy !req
363. As a demon, you must have
fired off a lot of guns, yeah?Copy !req
364. - I'll do it.
- Yay.Copy !req
365. But if anything goes wrong,
can we agree that we break your...Copy !req
366. one miracle limit?Copy !req
367. Neither of us wants the paperwork, do we?Copy !req
368. Excuse me, sir. Fake ears
are two shillings, thank you very much.Copy !req
369. It's not fake.Copy !req
370. It's my own.Copy !req
371. I didn't mean it, sir.Copy !req
372. I mean,Copy !req
373. take everything you want.Copy !req
374. It's my treat.Copy !req
375. Sir?Copy !req
376. Sir?Copy !req
377. Please. Sir!Copy !req
378. And now,
a master of misdirection,Copy !req
379. marvelous in his mysteriosity,Copy !req
380. with miracles at his fingertips.Copy !req
381. Let us welcome
the death defying prestidigitationCopy !req
382. of the amazing Mr. Fell.Copy !req
383. You're on. Get on with it.Copy !req
384. Those were the Ladies of Camelot,Copy !req
385. they're the bees knees.Copy !req
386. I bet you're all thinking,Copy !req
387. "What's that man doing up there,Copy !req
388. on the stage?Copy !req
389. Is he here to amaze and befuddle us allCopy !req
390. with his prestidigitationCopy !req
391. and jiggery-pokery?"Copy !req
392. - Get on with it!
- Oh.Copy !req
393. Erm...Copy !req
394. Well, the answer is, yes, I am.Copy !req
395. Erm...Copy !req
396. To amaze you,Copy !req
397. first, I shall requireCopy !req
398. the assistance of a gentlemanCopy !req
399. from the audience. Now,Copy !req
400. is anyone here
familiar with using firearms?Copy !req
401. Oh.Copy !req
402. Erm...Copy !req
403. Erm... you, sir!Copy !req
404. You look like
you might have a steady hand.Copy !req
405. - Yep.
- Ah.Copy !req
406. Erm, yep, we'll escort you up
onto the stage.Copy !req
407. Erm...Copy !req
408. Before we— thank you.Copy !req
409. Before we begin,Copy !req
410. we just need
a little somethingCopy !req
411. to checkCopy !req
412. that the magicCopy !req
413. is workingCopy !req
414. today.Copy !req
415. Miracles blocked.Copy !req
416. What have we here?Copy !req
417. A common or garden turnip.Copy !req
418. But in a blink,Copy !req
419. and before your very eyes,Copy !req
420. I transform itCopy !req
421. into an inkwell.Copy !req
422. What on earth is he playing at?Copy !req
423. - I thought you said he was a magician.
- He is.Copy !req
424. I say again.Copy !req
425. From turnipCopy !req
426. to inkwell.Copy !req
427. Oh, well.Copy !req
428. Sometimes...Copy !req
429. you meet a...Copy !req
430. stubborn turnip.Copy !req
431. So...Copy !req
432. best get on to the main event.Copy !req
433. Tonight...Copy !req
434. I will take my life in my hands,Copy !req
435. as I dare to perform...Copy !req
436. the bullet catch!Copy !req
437. A round of applause forCopy !req
438. this total stranger.Copy !req
439. Yeah.Copy !req
440. - My miracles aren't working.
- Neither are mine.Copy !req
441. Now, would you be so goodCopy !req
442. as to...Copy !req
443. take this rifle...Copy !req
444. Ah!Copy !req
445. The gentlemen of the press
are intrigued already, I see.Copy !req
446. - Now, sir...
- Got you.Copy !req
447. I would ask that you take this bulletCopy !req
448. and load it into the rifle.Copy !req
449. Very carefully.Copy !req
450. It's perfectly simple. Aim for my mouth,Copy !req
451. but shoot past my ear.Copy !req
452. I just squeeze that there, do I not?Copy !req
453. Haven't you fired a gun before?Copy !req
454. Not as such.Copy !req
455. If you would...Copy !req
456. load the bullet into the gun.Copy !req
457. That's right.Copy !req
458. Bullet loaded!Copy !req
459. Yes, thank you.Copy !req
460. Ladies and gentleman,Copy !req
461. my volunteerCopy !req
462. here, will on...Copy !req
463. on my signal,Copy !req
464. fire the rifle at my head,Copy !req
465. and in that explosive moment,Copy !req
466. I will attempt to catch that bulletCopy !req
467. in my teeth!Copy !req
468. Are you ready, sir?Copy !req
469. When you hear my signal, sir,Copy !req
470. shoot.Copy !req
471. Ready?Copy !req
472. Of course, we are hooked.Copy !req
473. Aim.Copy !req
474. If that gun goes off in his face,
now it'll be a right old mess.Copy !req
475. Never mind the paperwork,
they probably won't be ableCopy !req
476. to put him back together again.Copy !req
477. Get on with it, for God's sake.Copy !req
478. Fire!Copy !req
479. What the f...Copy !req
480. Thank you!Copy !req
481. No paperwork.Copy !req
482. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
483. Thank you!Copy !req
484. Oh, thank you!Copy !req
485. Get on, girls, for God's sake.Copy !req
486. But do you really think it went well?Copy !req
487. Absolutely.Copy !req
488. Chalk up a win for the side of the Angels.Copy !req
489. Ah!Copy !req
490. Enter.Copy !req
491. Hmm, well, well, well...Copy !req
492. What have we here?Copy !req
493. Sorry, have we met?Copy !req
494. Oh, no, you never had the pleasure, but...Copy !req
495. we have, haven't we?Copy !req
496. Have we?Copy !req
497. What do you mean "have we?"
You know we have.Copy !req
498. We were in the same legion.Copy !req
499. Just before the fall.Copy !req
500. Doing dubious battle
on the plains of Heaven.Copy !req
501. Remember?Copy !req
502. I remember going into battle,
I don't remember being there with you.Copy !req
503. Sorry.Copy !req
504. I was right next to you.Copy !req
505. We did loads together.Copy !req
506. You said jump on me back
like a monkey in a waist coat.Copy !req
507. Anyway, whether you do
or whether you don't, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
508. I'm here to inform you,Copy !req
509. as a representative
of the high powers of Hell,Copy !req
510. that you, Crowley,Copy !req
511. are in breach of the infernal code.Copy !req
512. Consulting and collaborating
with an Angel,Copy !req
513. Fell the Marvelous, aka...Copy !req
514. Azirapalala.Copy !req
515. Azirapapap.Copy !req
516. Aziphapalala.Copy !req
517. Aziraphale.Copy !req
518. Pure coincidence. I happen to be here,Copy !req
519. he asked for a volunteer.Copy !req
520. The miraculous Bullet CatchCopy !req
521. requires the use
of a trusted stooge and confidant.Copy !req
522. Where did you get that booklet?Copy !req
523. It's only available
to working professional magicians,Copy !req
524. such as myself.Copy !req
525. Be it be.Copy !req
526. Got it from the man in the magic shop
just after you left.Copy !req
527. It was... his last wish
that we should have it.Copy !req
528. But you're dead.Copy !req
529. Living dead.Copy !req
530. Now,Copy !req
531. agents of Hell.Copy !req
532. Don't bother trying any funny business,Copy !req
533. I think you'll find someone
who has great authorityCopy !req
534. has put a half hour miracle block
on this entire theater.Copy !req
535. - Who?
- Me! Who do you think?Copy !req
536. Come on, come on.Copy !req
537. Erm...Copy !req
538. All right, Crowley.Copy !req
539. - Shall we?
- Oh, we shan't, this is ridiculous.Copy !req
540. No, what's ridiculous is demons like you
doing what they please.Copy !req
541. And somehow still getting on,
while demons like me graftCopy !req
542. for hundreds and hundreds of millenniaCopy !req
543. and never get a sniff of a promotion.Copy !req
544. Well, not this time.Copy !req
545. Expect a legion to come for you
first thing tomorrow.Copy !req
546. Enjoy your last night on Earth.Copy !req
547. But first, what about our deal?Copy !req
548. - Freedom from Damnation.
- Absolutely.Copy !req
549. You're free to go. Ta-da.Copy !req
550. But you can't leave us like this.Copy !req
551. You need to make us into living humans.Copy !req
552. Oh, no... clause 17.Copy !req
553. Un-revocable eternal life on EarthCopy !req
554. as zombies.Copy !req
555. Granted.Copy !req
556. Might be all right.Copy !req
557. Thank you for seeing me,
your maleficences.Copy !req
558. I took this photograph of
Crowley and Aziraphale together.Copy !req
559. So you have your audience
for the dark council then?Copy !req
560. There are vacancies in...Copy !req
561. Temptations?Copy !req
562. Indeed there are.Copy !req
563. But I'm afraid it looks like
you'll be staying right here.Copy !req
564. Eh?Copy !req
565. Oh, hang on, that's not...Copy !req
566. But...Copy !req
567. How?Copy !req
568. There was a miracle blocker in the room,
I saw you put it back in the envelope.Copy !req
569. Who needs a miracle when
you've had private lessonsCopy !req
570. from the great Prof. Hoffmann himself.Copy !req
571. I simply say the magic words.Copy !req
572. Banana, fish, gorilla, shoe lace,Copy !req
573. with a dash of nutmeg, and...Copy !req
574. Well, I got it right
the time that mattered.Copy !req
575. You really are...Copy !req
576. terrible at magic.Copy !req
577. Shall we retire the act?Copy !req
578. Perhaps.Copy !req
579. - Might be for the best.
- Hmm.Copy !req
580. I...Copy !req
581. I knew you would come through for me.Copy !req
582. You always do.Copy !req
583. Well, you said "trust me."Copy !req
584. And you did.Copy !req
585. You could've walked away.Copy !req
586. If you were trulyCopy !req
587. as evil as you like to paint yourself,
you would've done that.Copy !req
588. Nah.Copy !req
589. That's the trouble with you lot.Copy !req
590. You don't just see things
in black and white.Copy !req
591. Sometimes,Copy !req
592. you've just gotta blur the edges.Copy !req
593. Well, maybe there is something
to be said for.Copy !req
594. Shades of grey.Copy !req
595. Well, shades of...Copy !req
596. dark grey.Copy !req
597. Shades of a very light grey,Copy !req
598. I'd rather fancy.Copy !req
599. State your business.Copy !req
600. Oh, for Satan's sake, you know who I am.Copy !req
601. I have an appointment with Lord Beelzebub.Copy !req
602. State your business.Copy !req
603. I am Shax, demon of the fifth house,Copy !req
604. earthly representative of plenipotentiaryCopy !req
605. of the vastness of Hell.Copy !req
606. Here to see Lord Beelzebub.Copy !req
607. Well,Copy !req
608. you're not on the list.Copy !req
609. What's up, babe?Copy !req
610. Let me in to see Lord BeelzebubCopy !req
611. or I will rearrange your vital organs
and hang them on the wall.Copy !req
612. In a frame.Copy !req
613. Ah, fair enough.Copy !req
614. Shax, demon of the fifth house.Copy !req
615. Well?Copy !req
616. What news?Copy !req
617. - The Angel went to Edinburgh.
- Which Angel?Copy !req
618. You know which one.Copy !req
619. Crowley's pet.Copy !req
620. - Why Edinburgh?
- Not sure.Copy !req
621. Maybe they want us to think
Gabriel is in Edinburgh.Copy !req
622. Maybe Crowley wants the Angel
to make us think Gabriel is in Edinburgh.Copy !req
623. - Maybe—
- Maybe he actually is in Edinburgh.Copy !req
624. - Oh, he's not in Edinburgh.
- Why not?Copy !req
625. Because he's in the bookshop.Copy !req
626. Gabriel's in the bookshop?Copy !req
627. You're certain of it?Copy !req
628. Yes.Copy !req
629. Thank you, Shax.Copy !req
630. Good work.Copy !req
631. Yes?Copy !req
632. Now that we've located Gabriel,Copy !req
633. what do we do?Copy !req
634. - Well, we formulate a plan.
- I formulated a plan.Copy !req
635. I take a legion of demons
and we storm the bookshop,Copy !req
636. killing anyone and anything
that stands in our way.Copy !req
637. We capture Gabriel
and we drag him as tributeCopy !req
638. before the throne of Satan, our master.Copy !req
639. Can you enter the bookshop,Copy !req
640. without permission?Copy !req
641. Not technically, no.Copy !req
642. But give me a legion
of Hell's finest troopsCopy !req
643. and see what I can do.Copy !req
644. It's a chance I've been waiting for,
Lord Beelzebub.Copy !req
645. To be clear,Copy !req
646. you are hereby authorizing meCopy !req
647. to storm the Angel's bookshop,Copy !req
648. sending wave after wave of demonsCopy !req
649. to besiege it until it falls
and capture the Archangel,Copy !req
650. destroying anything and everything
that stands in our way?Copy !req
651. No.Copy !req
652. I am not authorizing you to do that.Copy !req
653. Oh.Copy !req
654. I am commanding you to do it.Copy !req
655. I want you there, Shax.Copy !req
656. On the ground.Copy !req
657. Bravely leading the attack
into the bookshop,Copy !req
658. leading the army of the damned.Copy !req
659. I can do that.Copy !req
660. Oh.Copy !req
661. Oi, you need to put your brakes on.Copy !req
662. Now go back to where I parked you.Copy !req
663. There you are!Copy !req
664. I was worried something
might've happened to you.Copy !req
665. Erm, no, nothing happened to me.Copy !req
666. Very uneventful journey indeed,
no strange things at all.Copy !req
667. Good, that's what we want to hear.Copy !req
668. Erm, everything okay with...?Copy !req
669. Oh, yeah, fine.Copy !req
670. He's singing to himself.Copy !req
671. I think he must've been asleep,Copy !req
672. I heard snoring coming from his bedroom.Copy !req
673. Did you miss me?Copy !req
674. I bet you did.Copy !req
675. - I'm sure it did.
- So...Copy !req
676. Any more clues from the mystery
of the missing Archangel?Copy !req
677. Not exactly.Copy !req
678. Or, if there are,
I haven't yet cracked the case.Copy !req
679. But I'm certainly hot
on the trail of something.Copy !req
680. I'm sure you are.Copy !req
681. Oh, by the way,Copy !req
682. the whole sudden rain and awning thing
was a complete washout.Copy !req
683. Sorry?Copy !req
684. You know, projectCopy !req
685. making Nina fall in love with Maggie.Copy !req
686. I failed, it's your go.Copy !req
687. Oh, I see.Copy !req
688. Well, then.Copy !req
689. Whickber Street Traders
and Shopkeepers AssociationCopy !req
690. monthly meeting, here we come.Copy !req
691. You're really hosting the meeting?Copy !req
692. Absolutely.Copy !req
693. And I can guarantee youCopy !req
694. it will be a nightCopy !req
695. to remember.Copy !req