1. Honey, you are going to lomy
Halloween costume this year.
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2. But not as much as you are
gonna love mine.
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3. No, you're gonna love mine more.
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4. - No, you're gonna love mine more.
- Guys!
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5. Save the creepiness for tonight.
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6. By the way, I can't take Charlie
trick-or-treating this year.
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7. I've got plans.
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8. Ivy and I can take her. We're going to
a party, but that's not until later.
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9. You wanna know what my plans are?
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10. Okay, you forced it out of me.
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11. I am going out.
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12. With a girl.
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13. So is Emmett going as Beyonce again?
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14. Her name is Zoey, and I met her
while delivering chicken...
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15. Two piece, dark meat, gravy on the side.
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16. - Wow, she sounds great.
- I know.
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17. She's a lot of fun.
You're gonna love her.
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18. Love her already.
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19. Stop that.
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20. Well, I for one am glad to hear.
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21. That P.J. Has gotten over Skyler
and has found a new girl.
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22. Hey, so long as I don't have to look.
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23. At Beyonce Emmett, I'm happy.
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24. - Happy Halloween, Mrs. Dabney.
- What do you want?
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25. I see you put on
early this year. E.
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26. And I see you're going devil child again.
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27. Oh, you added the word "evil"
this year. Nice touch.
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28. I like to keep it fresh.
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29. Anyhoo, I'm here to talk about the trouble.
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30. That you always have on Halloween.
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31. You mean the trouble
that started 11 years ago.
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32. About the same time you learned to walk?
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33. Every year,
and your house gets egged.Red.
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34. For just $50,
that stops. Sure.
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35. So you're offering me protection...
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36. From you.
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37. From an unnamed hooligan.
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38. Named Gabe.
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39. Who hurt you so bad that you can't trust?
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40. All right, fine.
I guess I have no choice.
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41. - You've got a deal.
- All right.
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42. I'll just take that 50 and
we'll move on with our lives.
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43. I don't have that kind of
money just sitting around.
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44. I'm gonna need a little time.
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45. All right.
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46. You better hurry.
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47. It gets dark very early this time of year.
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48. I love Halloween.
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49. So do I.
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50. Well, Charlie, as you can probably see.
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51. Us Duncans take Halloween.
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52. Very seriously.
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53. I'm home.
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54. Oh, I wonder who that could be.
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55. Why, it's dad!
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56. Hi, I'm Bob.
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57. Of Bob's bugs be gone.
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58. How's your vermin?
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59. I'm home!
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60. Well, if it isn't...
Ashley tisdale?
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61. I'm mom,
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62. And I'm a star.
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63. Ba-bam!
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64. Yeah? Well well, I'm
not an exterminator.
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65. I'm a pest control specialist.
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66. Did I ever tell you about the time
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67. I went to southwest Denver
community college?
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68. Me want donut.
Me want donut.
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69. Well, things are getting a little ugly.
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70. We'll see you at Thanksgiving.
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71. Hey, Gabe. You gonna
put on your costume?
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72. Hey, everybody.
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73. - What are you supposed to be?
- I'm a goth wearing a mustache.
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74. Well, that's kind of a weird costume.
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75. Not as weird as little bo peep.
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76. Well, actually, the little bo
peep costume wasn't appropriate...
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77. There was not enough bo,
a little too much peep.
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78. - Hmm.
- No, I'm Mary.
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79. From "mary had
a little lamb."
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80. Oh! But I seem to be
missing something.
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81. Oh, little lamb.
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82. - Go ahead, Charlie, say it.
- Baa.
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83. Carrots?
Where's the candy?
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84. Oh, we're not giving out candy this year.
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85. I thought it would be fun to
hand out healthy snacks instead.
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86. We're gonna be that house?
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87. Our first trick-or-treater.
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88. Carrots?
You're thhouse?
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89. Ivy, we're going to a costume party.
Where is your costume?
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90. Oh, I've got a costume.
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91. That is so real.
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92. I was gonna put the cleaver on my head,
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93. But I didn't wanna compete with all this.
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94. - Trick or treat!
- Oh my gosh, a Teddy bear.
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95. That is so adorable.
You know, my name is Teddy.
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96. Trick or treat!
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97. Here you go, Teddy bear.
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98. Carrots.
You're kidding, right?
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99. Teddy bear's got a little 'tude.
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100. - Happy Halloween.
- Thanks.
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101. Don't bother.
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102. Mrs. Dabney?
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103. Go away!
This is a recording!
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104. It's Gabe!
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105. Huh! Ironic,
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106. Considering all the times I've
thought about removing your head.
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107. I'm here for my 50 bucks.
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108. - First sign this.
- What is it?
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109. A contract guaranteeing.
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110. That nothing's gonna happen
to my house tonight.
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111. Now go away before you attract
the treat-or-trickers.
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112. You mean
the trick-or-treaters?
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113. Whatever.
I hate this holiday.
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114. I've got it.
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115. - Hey.
- Hi.
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116. Zoey, I'd like you to meet
my mom... I mean my dad...
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117. Guys, your costumes are too good.
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118. - Hi.
- Hi.
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119. - Hey. - And your costume
is blowing my mind.
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120. - Right?
- Well, I guess.
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121. Um, who exactly are you supposed to be?
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122. My sister.
She looks like this.
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123. Wow. Now I get it.
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124. My parents are dressed as each other.
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125. - Yeah. - You remind me
a lot of my parents.
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126. - Do they like to have fun too?
- No, I meant that there are two of them.
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127. Well, we should get going.
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128. - Have fun.
- Yeah. Bye.
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129. Wow, she's a spark plug.
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130. Hey, Beyonce Emmett's
looking better and better.
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131. Hey, kiddo, that your second costume?
It's kinda lame.
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132. Yeah, who cares?
Second time around is all about volume.
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133. - What do you want?
- I want to show you something.
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134. What? I didn't do this.
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135. Someone did, and I paid you $50
to protect my house.
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136. But it wasn't me.
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137. But it will be you cleaning it up.
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138. Huh! I don't...
I don't think so.
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139. Let's take a closer look
at the contract you signed.
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140. Right there.
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141. "if provider, Gabe Duncan, fails
to protect said residence,"
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142. The provider, Gabe Duncan,
agrees to work for Mrs. Dabney.
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143. For one full day..."
work for you doing what?
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144. - Keep reading. - "... Doing whatever Mrs.
Dabney tells him to."
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145. - You tricked me.
- And that's my treat.
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146. Oh.
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147. - Go ahead, Charlie.
Go get a piece of candy. - Go ahead.
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148. - Charlie!
- I'll get her.
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149. That was hilarious!
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150. No, it wasn't.
What is wrong with you?
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151. What's wrong with you?
It's Halloween.
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152. Yeah, but scaring
a two-year-old isn't funny.
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153. - It's mean.
- She's only two?
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154. I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
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155. - Here, take some extra candy.
- Thank you.
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156. Oh! What?
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157. Karl, one;
Trick-or-treaters, zero.
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158. Oh, what is that horrible smell?
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159. I added some rotten eggs to the fake blood.
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160. It's kind of my secret sauce.
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161. Ugh!
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162. I can't go to a party smelling like this.
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163. A party? I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
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164. Reach into the cauldron.
There's some perfume in there.
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165. Oh, reach into your own
cauldron, you clump nugget!
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166. I hate that Karl kid!
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167. I mean, no one would even
talk to me at the party.
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168. Can you blame them?
Mary had a little smell.
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169. We need to teach Karl a lesson.
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170. Well, can you teach it from over there?
You've still got a little stink on.
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171. Ivy,
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172. I want revenge.
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173. Okay, so what's your plan?
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174. How about this?
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175. I get a library card in Karl's name,
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176. I check out a lot of books.
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177. And I keep them well past their due dates.
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178. Okay, I'm no good
at this. Help me.
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179. Okay, fasten your seat belt.
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180. Ivy's gonna introduce you to
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181. the dark side.
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182. I hate November 1st.
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183. Yeah, that's the problem
with malted milk balls...
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184. One's too many and 1,000 aren't enough.
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185. No more candy ever again.
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186. - Right after this piece.
- Nuh-uh. That's it.
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187. I'm throwing the rest out.
Ooh, caramel.
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188. Hey, everybody.
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189. Uh, you do know Halloween's over.
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190. Why are you still wearing your costume?
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191. This isn't my costume.
This is my new look.
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192. So you weren't in costume last night?
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193. Well, sure I was.
Hello, fake mustache?
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194. - P.J., you're a goth now?
- That's right,
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195. And because I'm the total
opposite of what I used to be,
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196. From now on
call me j.P.
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197. If you're the total opposite, shouldn't
we call you Albert Einstein?
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198. Albert who?
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199. P.J., I don't understand.
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200. - Why are you doing this?
- Zoey.
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201. Oh. That's why.
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202. Hi.
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203. Hi.
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204. I think I like the sister better.
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205. Okay.
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206. All the egg's gone.
Can I take a break now?
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207. Hold on, let me check the contract.
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208. Nope.
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209. All right, what's next?
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210. I need you to give kaboodle a bath.
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211. I'm not giving your Cat a bath!
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212. - What else you got?
- Shave Mr. Dabney's back.
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213. Here, Kitty Kitty.
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214. That Cat of yours
does not like taking baths.
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215. I know. That's why
I had you do it.
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216. All right,
what... what's next?
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217. You need to give kaboodle his vitamin.
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218. Is he supposed to swallow this?
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219. Oh no, that goes in the other end.
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220. And if you thought
he didn't like baths? Ooh!
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221. Hey, Zoey and I are going out now.
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222. Don't wait up.
We'll be back kinda late.
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223. - Where are you kids off to?
- Well, I suggested minigolf,
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224. But Zoey wanted to go to the cemetery.
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225. So we compromised... we're
going to the cemetery.
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226. - Who are you?
- I'm P.J.
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227. No.
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228. Thank you for reminding me.
I'm j.P. Now.
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229. Okay, well, whoever you are,
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230. Are you sure about this goth thing?
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231. Mom, dad, don't worry.
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232. I'm still the same guy you know and love.
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233. Oh, mom, by the way, I ran out of eyeliner.
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234. And I had to borrow some of yours.
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235. Bob, what are we gonna do about this?
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236. - Nothing.
- Doing nothing isn't my thing.
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237. Trust me, P.J. Is
gonna be just fine.
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238. Forgot my nail polish.
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239. And if he isn't, then we've got.
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240. All these other kids
we can pin our hopes on.
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241. All right, I've done
everything you've asked.
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242. - Can I go now?
- Well,
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243. I hate to see a beautiful day end,
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244. But you can go after you
take out that trash.
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245. What's all this?
Egg cartons,
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246. Toilet paper rolls.
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247. You set me up.
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248. I don't know what you're talking about.
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249. You egged and t.P.'d
your own house.
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250. Who hurt you so bad that you can't trust?
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251. Well played, Mrs. D.
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252. You are a worthy adversary.
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253. As are you.
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254. - Until next year?
- I'll be here.
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255. - You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, Karl, come on in.
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256. Come on.
Look, have a seat.
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257. Listen, I've got to warn you
about my friend Teddy.
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258. You ticked off the wrong person.
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259. So what, I'm supposed
to be afraid her now?
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260. Veafraid.
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261. She has problems...
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262. Anger problems.
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263. Mary had a little lamb has anger problems?
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264. Yes, and when you messed
with her little lamb,
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265. Scary is where Mary is sure to go.
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266. Ivy, I'm back.
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267. Oh no.
Okay, this isn't good.
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268. Stay here.
I'll deal with this.
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269. Don't get mad.
Karl's here.
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270. What? What, he's here?
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271. Who brought him
into this house?
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272. I just wanted to make peace.
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273. I told you
not to get involved!
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274. What are you doing?
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275. Put that down! No!
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276. Save yourself.
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277. She's not right.
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278. Hello, Karl.
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279. - Don't hurt me.
- Oh, don't worry.
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280. In a minute,
you won't feel anything.
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281. - Ha!
- Please, I'm sorry!
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282. Let me go!
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283. No!
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284. Yeah, you keep running, Karl!
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285. And don't come back!
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286. That was awesome.
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287. You were awesome.
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288. Great plan, smart plan.
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289. You know, you're a genius.
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290. Oh, you're a genius.
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291. - Locked out?
- Locked out.
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292. "but the fact is I was napping,"
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293. And so gently you came rapping,
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294. And so faintly you came tapping,
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295. Tapping at my chamber door,
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296. That I scarce was sure
I heard you...
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297. Here I opened wide
the door;
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298. - Darkness there..."
- Be right back.
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299. "deep into the darkness peering,"
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300. Long I stood there wondering, fearing,
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301. - Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal...
" - Mom.
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302. Hi, sweetie.
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303. What are you doing here?
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304. Oh, just...
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305. Paying my respects.
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306. To who?
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307. Ezekiel fitchhorn.
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308. He died in 1928.
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309. Time does not heal all wounds.
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310. Really, mom, what are you doing here?
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311. Oh, P.J., come here.
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312. - Honey, I'm worried about you.
- Stop worrying.
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313. This is who I am now.
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314. It just doesn't
seem like you.
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315. Honey, you're in the middle of a cemetery.
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316. At 11:00 at night when you
could be at home in bed.
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317. - I do like to go to bed early.
- I know,
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318. Because you're not a nighttime person.
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319. I know.
I'm a daytime person.
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320. Aw. And look at you,
all in black.
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321. - Black isn't me.
I like pastels. - Right.
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322. Sweetie,
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323. When you're with the right person,
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324. You don't have to change who you are.
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325. Then why are you always
trying to change dad?
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326. Because that's wio am.
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327. Honey, you are such a great guy,
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328. And somewhere out there
is a very lucky girl.
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329. Who will find that out.
I promise.
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330. - Come here.
- Thanks, mom.
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331. - So are you gonna talk to Zoey?
- Yeah.
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332. I've just gotta be honest with her,
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333. You know, tell her it's not working.
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334. "so that now, to the still
beating of my heart..."
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335. The police
are here! Run!
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336. What was that?
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337. I don't like to hurt people.
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338. That's who I am.
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339. Well, Charlie, my trip to the
dark side went very well.
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340. - I showed her the way.
- Yeah.
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341. Turns out I like scaring people,
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342. and I'm good at it.
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343. Really good at it.
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344. Scarily good at it.
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345. Give it a rest, Mary.
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346. Good luck, Charlie.
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347. Well, hello hello hello.
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348. Do I know you?
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349. I am the ghost of Ezekiel fitchhorn.
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350. You paid me a visit the other night.
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351. I'm here to return the favor.
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352. - Come on in.
- Why thank you.
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353. Say, has anyone ever told you.
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354. You're the bee's knees?
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355. Uh, my great-grandfather.
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356. How would you like
to make time with a ghost?
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357. Oh, Zeke, that's really flattering,
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358. 90 years older and dead,
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359. I'd be all over that.
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360. Since I'm not...
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361. Next time, a simple note "Thank you" will suffice.
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