1. - Teddy.
- Great!
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2. - Teddy, I've got to talk... - Oh... you're kidding.
Then what happened?
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3. Wow.
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4. Hold on.
I'm getting another call.
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5. Really?
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6. Really.
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7. Hold on.
I've got to call you back.
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8. - What?
- What?
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9. I just opened up the phone bill.
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10. You are $90 over your texting limit.
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11. What have you got to say about that?
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12. "I love you, daddy"?
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13. Come on, Teddy, this is so irresponsible.
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14. I expect more from you.
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15. Hold on.
I'm getting a text.
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16. No, you're not,
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17. 'cause I'm taking your phone away.
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18. What? No,
you can't do that.
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19. Taking away my phone would be
like taking away your pizza.
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20. You're fighting for your phone.
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21. By calling me fat?
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22. Well, I'm just really mad.
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23. I love you, daddy.
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24. I'll tell you what...
You'll get your phone back.
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25. - When you come up with 90 bucks.
- That's so unfair.
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26. Hey dad.
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27. Uh, I gotta tell you something.
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28. What?
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29. Well, I was pulling into the garage.
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30. And I kind of scraped the bug truck.
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31. Instead of "Bob's bugs be gone"
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32. it now says "Rob's rugs be gone."
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33. P.J.!
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34. Yeah, dad?
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35. Try and be more careful.
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36. That's it? He gets
"try and be more careful"
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37. and I get my phone taken away?
Unbelievable!
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38. Whoa. She's a handful,
eh, Rob?
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39. ♪ I close my eyes,
take a bite ♪
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40. ♪ grab a ride,
laugh out loud ♪
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41. Hey, guys, see you later.
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42. Are you taking Charlie somewhere?
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43. Yes, to the mall.
We're going to go shopping.
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44. Shopping for what?
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45. Girls.
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46. They just can't resist
our adorable little sister.
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47. I can't believe you'd
use Charlie as girl bait.
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48. Oh, let him do it.
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49. Without charm or personality,
it's his only play.
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50. Thank you.
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51. All right, just have
Charlie back by 3:00.
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52. I'm taking her to a birthday
party at Otto's grotto.
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53. Oh, no problem.
Shouldn't take long.
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54. Hey, Charlie, say that thing I taught you.
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55. I wuv P.J.
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56. "Wuv"?
She can say "love."
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57. I know, but "wuv" gets me way more girls.
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58. Hey honey.
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59. - Hey.
- What's wrong?
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60. Nobody to play video tennis with.
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61. All my friends are doing homework.
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62. Or spending time with their families...
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63. Losers.
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64. I'll play with you.
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65. I think I'll go read a book.
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66. You'd rather read a book.
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67. Than play video games with your mom?
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68. Yeah, you're right.
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69. I'm gonna go take a nap.
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70. Gabe, I've played video games befo.
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71. I know what I'm doing.
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72. Mom, that's the tv remote.
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73. Which I'm moving out of the way.
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74. So that I can pick up a controller.
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75. All right, serve it up, Sonny boy.
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76. Fine.
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77. This won't be any fun.
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78. Okay, are you ready?
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79. Go for it.
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80. Wow, this might be more fun than I thought.
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81. Where's Charlie?
Where'd Charlie go?
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82. Oh, there she is.
There she is.
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83. Yeah yeah yeah.
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84. Oh, wow.
Maybe we should put that back.
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85. Mine.
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86. Well, they probably won't miss one ball.
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87. I count every ball every night!
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88. Can you zip me up?
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89. No. No, thank you.
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90. The girl that usually plays
the mermaid... she quit on me.
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91. She's now the Pickle at hamburger Hank's.
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92. Well, you knew her when.
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93. That Hank is killing me.
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94. With his fancy minimum wage.
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95. I can't believe I'm about to say this,
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96. but I could use a job.
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97. Okay, slow it down.
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98. It takes three things
to work at Otto's grotto.
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99. - One... you gotta be 16.
- I am.
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100. Two... you gotta be
good with kids,
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101. which basically means willing
to clean up their puke.
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102. "I am," she said less excitedly.
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103. And most important,
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104. you gotta speak the language of the sea.
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105. The what?
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106. Like "don't be crabby, kids.
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107. We're gonna have a whale of a time.
" Stuff like that.
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108. It's our hook.
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109. Whoa, I just did it again!
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110. Yeah, well, don't worry.
I won't clam up on you.
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111. Well, you'll work on it.
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112. - When can you start?
- The sooner the baiter.
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113. The first puke you clean up may be mine.
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114. Okay, Gabe, what do you think?
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115. Buttoned?
Unbuttoned?
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116. Unbuttoned... give those four
chest hairs a chance to breathe.
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117. So you got a girl coming over?
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118. Yep, her name is Kayla.
I met her at the mall.
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119. - Charlie got you a girl?
- Yeah, worked like a charm...
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120. Well, except Charlie got a little confused.
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121. Instead of saying
"I wuv P.J."
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122. She said, "I wuv poopy."
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123. I think Charlie knew what she was saying.
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124. Yeah, but I totally saved it.
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125. I told Kayla my nickname was poopy.
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126. Kayla and poopy...
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127. Many years of happiness, sir.
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128. Come on, boys, work your magic.
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129. - Hi Kayla.
- Hi.
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130. - This is my brother Gabe.
- Ooh ooh ooh!
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131. Charlie, there's my little sweetie.
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132. Hi. Come here.
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133. Have fun, poopy.
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134. So do you want to hang out downstairs?
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135. I have an even better idea.
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136. Ashes ashes, we all fall down.
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137. Oh my goodne, you're so good.
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138. Okay, who wants
to play peek-a-boo?
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139. - Who wants to play peek-a-boo?
- Actually,
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140. Charlie has to take her nap right now.
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141. Oh.
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142. Well, I guess I'll be going.
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143. Really?
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144. I thought we could have
some Kayla and poopy time.
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145. Yeah, well, maybe next time.
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146. But this was a really good playdate.
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147. I guess, yeah.
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148. - Bye, Charlie.
- Goodbye-bye.
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149. Who's gonna get a big kiss?
I'm going in.
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150. Mwah!
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151. Oh.
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152. Boop!
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153. - Ha!
- Mom.
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154. - Ha!
- Dad!
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155. - Ha!
- Mom.
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156. - Ha!
- Dad!
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157. Ha!
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158. Can you please make it stop?
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159. What are you doing?
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160. Practicing video tennis.
Gabe crushed me today.
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161. You know,
it's about 11:00.
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162. Yeah, well, mama don't like to lose.
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163. Didn't we used to have a lamp here?
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164. I don't think so.
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165. Dad, get her out of here.
I have work tomorrow.
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166. You got a job?
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167. Yeah, I am the puke-cleaning
mermaid at Otto's grotto.
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168. But of course if you give me my
phone back I can still quit.
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169. Be sure and wear gloves.
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170. Ha! Ha!
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171. All right, let's go.
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172. Come on, give me the controller.
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173. Not now.
Mama's in the zone.
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174. Yeah, mama doesn't know where the zone is.
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175. Hey.
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176. Oh good.
You're right on time.
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177. Yeah, well, it's my first day.
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178. I didn't want to leave you floundering.
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179. So where's my mermaid suit?
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180. No, that was for a girls' party.
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181. Today you are working a boys' party.
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182. They don't like mermaids.
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183. All right, so what do they like?
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184. Hey hey, stop that.
Ollie octopus is not a pinata.
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185. I know.
Pinatas are fun.
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186. Okay, guppies, grab your shoes...
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187. Or any shoes.
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188. And join your parents outside.
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189. Hey, lock up for me, will you?
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190. Wait, what?
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191. And don't forget to count the balls.
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192. All right, you heard the man.
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193. Everybody out.
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194. Na na!
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195. Na na!
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196. Just wait till I get my tentacles on you.
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197. Hey, I'm stuck.
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198. Could you help me?
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199. No.
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200. Hello?
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201. Anybody?
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202. Kelp.
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203. Uh! I'm getting better,
aren't I?
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204. Yeah, mom.
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205. That time you only
lost 6-1.
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206. Hey hey, excuse me, what are you doing?
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207. I have to study for my
history test tomorrow.
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208. Put that book down
and pick up the controller.
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209. Dad, mom won't let me do my homework.
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210. You can do it when you finish playing.
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211. I am so confused.
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212. Fine.
You know what?
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213. Finish your stupid homework.
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214. Call me when you get
your priorities straight.
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215. Dad, dad, she's out of control.
You have to talk to her.
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216. Why? Because when I tell her
to do things, she does them?
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217. Haven't you been paying attention.
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218. To the way things work around here?
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219. Well, what am I supposed to do?
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220. Well, it's easy.
Next time you play her, you let her win.
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221. Let her win?
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222. Have you ever seen her play?
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223. I'm not even sure that's possible.
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224. I'm sure you'll figure it out.
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225. All right, come on, get over
there and study for your test.
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226. Oh, I made that test up
just to get rid of her.
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227. - You want to play?
- Yeah, sure.
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228. Hey Kayla.
Are we going on a picnic?
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229. Yes, we are.
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230. I have animal crackers, juice boxes.
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231. And pb&j sandwiches
cut into the shapes of stars.
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232. Wow, all my favorites.
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233. No, I brought them for Charlie, silly.
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234. Well, Charlie's not here.
Mom took her to the playground.
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235. Oh.
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236. Well, let's go meet them there.
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237. You know what?
I'm starting to think.
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238. That you'd rather spend time
with Charlie than with me.
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239. What?
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240. That's crazy.
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241. Are you really jealous
of a two-year-old?
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242. How can a hot guy like you.
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243. Be so insecure?
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244. - Okay, I'm feeling a little better.
- Yeah.
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245. The "hot guy" part really helped.
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246. Hello?
Teddy!
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247. In here.
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248. What...?
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249. So how was your first day?
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250. Get me out of here.
I'm stuck.
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251. Okay, all right.
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252. Don't worry.
I'm coming in after you.
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253. Oh, man, wow.
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254. You know, if I had unlimited texting,
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255. this wouldn't have happened.
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256. Okay, I'm gonna try and push you out, okay?
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257. Now try pulling.
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258. Wow, you know what?
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259. You're really wedged in there, Teddy.
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260. All right, okay, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go for help.
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261. Uh-oh.
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262. - Huh!
- Ugh!
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263. Well, another good shot, mom.
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264. Is that a bell I hear?
'Cause you just got schooled.
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265. Are you trash-talking me?
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266. What's the matter?
Can't take it?
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267. Gonna run home crying to your mommy?
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268. You are my mommy.
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269. And you are my loser!
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270. That's it.
That's it, mom.
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271. Now I'm playing for real.
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272. - Let's do this.
- Okay, let's to this.
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273. - Uh!
- Ugh!
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274. Where did you learn how to do that?
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275. I found some cheats on the Internet.
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276. Didn't think I knew about cheats, did ya?
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277. I didn't think you knew about the Internet.
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278. Dad, why are you banging
your butt against the tube?
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279. I'm trying to butt-dial
the house.
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280. It's number one on the speed-dial,
so it should be easy.
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281. Ralph's pizza.
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282. You want your usual,
bobby?
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283. The house is
on speed-dial two.
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284. - Huh!
- Ugh!
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285. - Mom, phone.
- You get it.
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286. No, you get it.
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287. Hi-yo.
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288. Charlie, Charlie, it's daddy, honey.
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289. Listen, go tell your mother
we're stuck in a tube.
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290. At that kids' place at the mall.
What's the name of this place?
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291. Dad, she's two.
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292. Good point.
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293. Charlie, go get your mommy.
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294. Bye-bye.
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295. Good going, dad.
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296. I'm not the one who got stuck in a tube.
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297. Well, I'm not the first one anyway.
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298. No, this is all your fault.
If it wasn't for you,
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299. I wouldn't even need this stupid job.
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300. Hey, you're the one who went
over her texting minutes.
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301. Actions do have consequences.
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302. Not for P.J.
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303. It's like you hold me to a
totally different standard.
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304. Yeah, I treat you differently.
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305. But why?
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306. Look, Teddy,
this isn't about P.J.
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307. This is about you.
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308. I have high expectations.
That's why I'm tough on you.
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309. Dad, that's not fair.
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310. Oh, honey, look,
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311. I hold you to a high standard.
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312. Because you are capable of great things.
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313. I am?
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314. Well, in the future.
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315. Today you were defeated
by an octopus costume.
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316. And a plastic tube.
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317. Thanks, daddy.
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318. What was that?
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319. That sounded like...
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320. Whoa!
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321. Ow!
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322. How long have you two been down here?
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323. Quiet!
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324. I tried calling the house.
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325. In case anyone is interested,
it was an emergency.
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326. Take that!
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327. - No no no no no!
- What happened?
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328. Oh, this? This is
for your own good.
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329. Well, we've been playing for six hours.
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330. I was about to win.
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331. I was about to win.
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332. Well, now we'll never know,
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333. because I'm taking this and
putting it on a high shelf.
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334. I don't know, man.
Maybe he's right.
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335. Maybe we did get a little crazy.
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336. Yeah. You know
my friend Jake?
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337. He has the same game at his house.
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338. Nah, it's really late.
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339. I know where they hide the spare key.
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340. Meet you in the car.
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341. Hey, Kayla,
it's P.J.
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342. It's, like, my fifth message.
Where are you?
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343. - She's in the kitchen.
- What?
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344. What is going on in here?
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345. I can explain.
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346. - Poopy, I...
- Don't you "poopy" me.
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347. You know, it's not what it looks like.
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348. Really?
Because it looks like.
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349. You're having a playdate behind my back.
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350. I'm sorry, but it's...
Charlie is so cute.
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351. And then one thing led to another...
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352. No, I think it would be best
for everyone if you left.
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353. Charlie, don't let him do this.
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354. Say something.
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355. Bye-bye.
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356. How could you?
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357. I sorry.
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358. Oh, I can't stay mad at you.
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359. I wuv P.J.
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360. Save it for the mall.
We're going back tomorrow.
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361. Hey, Charlie,
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362. it's your dad here.
I'm filling in for Teddy.
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363. Because she's getting ready
for her new job.
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364. She's working over at hamburger Hank's now,
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365. so no more silly octopus costumes for her.
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366. Dad, I'm ready.
Can we go?
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367. You want to say something
to your little sister?
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368. No no.
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369. Don't ever go over your texting limit.
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370. Unless you want to end up like me...
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371. A dancing hot dog.
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372. Good luck, Charlie.
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373. What she said.
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374. What are you doing here?
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375. I'm missing a few things.
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376. The ball pit was a little light.
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377. You really count?
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378. Yes, I really count.
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379. You don't become a #4 kids'
entertainment purveyor.
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380. In the Denver Metro area without counting!
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381. All right, well, we don't have any balls.
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382. Oh really?
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383. 'Cause, see, I noticed
that your little sister.
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384. Had some sticky fingers.
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385. Fine.
I'll ask.
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386. Charlie,
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387. do you know anything
about some missing balls?
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388. Is that it, Charlie?
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