1. Okay, it's all set.
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2. Charlie, Teddy and I are
going to Chicago this weekend.
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3. - To visit great aunt Nell.
- What's so great about aunt Nell?
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4. Calling a relative great just
means they're really old.
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5. Right, great dad?
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6. Well, I guess I deserve that
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7. For quietly sitting here eating my oatmeal.
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8. You guys, don't be ridiculous.
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9. She's not great because she's old,
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10. She's great because she's rich.
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11. And if we kiss up to her,
she'll put us in the will.
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12. Mom, I don't understand why I
have to go and the guys don't.
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13. Because, honey, there's a lot of cash on
the line so I'm going with the "a" team.
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14. Ha ha, you made the "a" team!
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15. And while we're gone, I want you
guys to clean out the attic.
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16. Oh, take that, "b" team!
"a" team rules.
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17. Hey!
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18. Yeah well, you only get to go to Chicago!
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19. We get to go to the attic.
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20. - That's not better.
- I know, "b" team stinks.
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21. Listen up, "b" teamers, I've got something.
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22. Very important to do
while the girls are gone,
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23. So you two are gonna clean out
the attic by yourselves.
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24. What are we supposed
to do with all that junk?
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25. We could have a yard sale,
make some money off it.
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26. No, that's stupid.
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27. Wait a minute.
That's a really good idea.
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28. P.J., I think that's the first
good idea you've ever had!
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29. What? No, it's not.
He had the...
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30. Didn't you do the...
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31. Wow, congratulations.
Well done.
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32. Whoo, I can't believe
I slept the entire flight.
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33. Yeah, you missed Charlie's.
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34. Two-hour rendition of "twinkle,
twinkle, little star."
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35. - Ohhh, sing it again, Charlie.
- No!
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36. Oh look.
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37. Aunt Nell sent a car for us.
Isn't that sweet?
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38. That's not sweet!
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39. That old bat's wasting money
that could be ours someday.
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40. You hear that, Charlie?
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41. Can you feel the love?
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42. Hey, dad...
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43. No no!
Not now.
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44. - What are you watching?
- Don't... aw, man.
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45. Only the greatest show
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46. In the history of television:
"higgins & Zork."
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47. Frank Higgins, hardboiled human Detective.
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48. And his trigger-happy
alien partner Zork!
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49. Together the two of them go through space.
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50. And they fight intergalactic crime.
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51. This is the important thing.
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52. You had to do while mom was gone?
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53. Yes.
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54. Look, when your mom
and I first got married,
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55. She thought I spent a little
too much time watching the show.
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56. And going to conventions.
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57. And buying really cool costumes!
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58. But it's not like I have a problem.
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59. Whoa!
Can't have these two together.
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60. That is bad blood.
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61. Yeah, you got it under control.
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62. Look, I've only got 72 hours.
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63. To watch all 64 episodes,
so what do you guys want?
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64. And tell me in 30 seconds or less.
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65. Uh, okay, um, the thing that we want is...
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66. - 24 seconds.
- Take it, Gabe.
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67. We want to put prices
on all the yard-sale stuff.
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68. - Do we have a pricing gun?
- No.
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69. But if you want to see a really cool gun,
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70. Check out Zork's.
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71. No, Zork, stop.
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72. Keep your cool, man.
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73. Neptune is
a by-the-book planet.
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74. This is so good.
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75. Whoa, what is this place?
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76. Why would the driver take us to a...
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77. - A tv studio?
- I have no idea.
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78. But if aunt Nell's on a spending spree,
we've gotta nip this in the bud.
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79. Welcome to
"shake it up, Chicago."
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80. I'm Gary wilde and you must be
the fabulous Duncan sisters.
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81. - Oh.
- The what now?
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82. The Duncan sisters.
You're performing on the show tonight.
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83. That's funny.
You think that we're...
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84. Fabulous.
He just said so.
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85. My sister and I are.
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86. So excited about performing on your show.
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87. What are you doing?
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88. I'm thanking this wonderful
man for putting us on tv.
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89. - And who's this little creature?
- Oh, this is Charlie.
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90. She's, um...
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91. The youngest Duncan sister.
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92. Hi, Gary wilde.
How you doing?
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93. A little on the rude side, but okay.
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94. Anyway I can't wait to see
you guys do your thing tonight.
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95. About that, gar, what is it.
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96. You can't wait to see us do.
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97. Exactly?
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98. My staff tells me your dancing is amazing.
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99. - Dancing?
- We're dancers.
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100. We knew that.
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101. Okay.
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102. Is there someplace I could
have a word in private.
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103. With my, um...
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104. - Sister?
- Sure.
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105. Show the Duncans to their dressing
rooms and take good care of them.
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106. They are the stars of our show.
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107. Did you hear that?
I'm a star.
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108. Oh, hi, Mrs. Dabney.
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109. I'm here for the yard sale.
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110. Uh, it's not till tomorrow.
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111. I know. I like to get a first
shot at the good stuff.
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112. Not that I expect you people
to have good stuff.
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113. What are you looking for?
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114. Anything cat-related.
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115. Cat books, Cat clocks, Cat pictures,
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116. - Cat clothes...
- Yeah yeah, we got it.
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117. Oh!
Lucky for you we have.
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118. This genuine wooden Cat bowl.
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119. What makes that a Cat bowl?
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120. A Cat could drink out of it.
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121. Or do his business in it.
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122. I knew I was wasting my time.
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123. Wait wait wait,
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124. I think we might have something.
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125. Be right back.
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126. So how you been?
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127. Do you really care?
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128. Just trying to get through
an awkward moment.
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129. Here we are.
A Kitty Cat cookie jar.
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130. I might be able to take it off your hands.
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131. - How much you want for it?
- Make us an offer.
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132. - You first.
- You first.
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133. Okay, on the count of three, just
say your amounts at the same time.
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134. - One, two, three.
- $50.
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135. 10¢.
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136. Okay, all right.
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137. Try again.
This time, guys,
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138. Try to be a little more realistic.
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139. One, two, three.
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140. - $49.
- 11¢.
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141. This could take awhile.
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142. Well, it's not as big as we're used to,
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143. But it'll do.
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144. - Sisters?
- The Duncan sisters.
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145. Have you lost your mind?
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146. Teddy, this is my chance to be on tv.
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147. Mom, this is nuts.
We can't do this.
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148. We have to! You know how I've
always wanted to be on tv.
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149. Remember when I tried out for that cable
show, "so you think you can yodel"?
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150. Mm-hmm.
And they decided you couldn't.
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151. Look, the point is
I really want to do this.
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152. It's my dream.
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153. I mean, there's just one problem.
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154. We don't know any dance routines.
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155. So? We'll find
someone to help us.
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156. Yeah? Like who?
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157. - Come in.
- Hey, hi!
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158. I'm Rocky and this is Cece.
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159. And we like to come by
and welcome our guest stars.
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160. Yeah, and make sure your gift
baskets have arrived safely.
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161. Oooh, brownies.
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162. So you guys are the Duncan...
s-sisters?
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163. That's right, we are.
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164. And before you ask, no, we're not twins.
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165. She wasn't gonna ask that.
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166. And this is Charlie, our baby sister.
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167. Aw, Cece, look how cute she is.
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168. Our mother believes you're never
too young to absorb the magic.
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169. Oh, mom's kind of a nut log.
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170. You've always been jealous of our mom.
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171. Right, we should get going.
We're dancers on the show.
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172. So if there's anything you
need, just let us know.
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173. You're dancers?
Actually...
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174. Uh, there is something you could do for us.
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175. Really?
Wow.
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176. No one's actually ever taken
us up on our offer before.
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177. Yeah, haven't you guys ever
heard of an empty gesture?
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178. Hang on one second.
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179. Dad, your pizza's here!
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180. H-h-h-hang on.
I've gotta get some money.
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181. - Where's the Kitty Cat cookie jar?
- We sold it to Mrs. Dabney.
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182. - What?
- Yeah, took an hour and a half,
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183. We made 10 bucks.
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184. Guys, that cookie jar is where
we keep our rainy-day money.
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185. There's $500 in that!
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186. Wow, she got a really good deal.
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187. - Go get it back!
- How are we supposed to do that?
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188. You know what?
Not my problem.
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189. Right now I'm in the middle
of a two-parter.
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190. Where Higgins and Zork go back
in time to save pocahontas.
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191. Thank you.
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192. Dude, how are we gonna
get the cookie jar back?
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193. I was sorta hoping
you'd have another good idea.
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194. Okay.
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195. Okay, I got it.
All right.
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196. So first we find a talking Cat...
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197. And the well's run dry.
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198. So I was thinking you girls
could give us some input.
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199. - On our dance routine.
- Okay, sure.
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200. - Just show us some of your moves.
- Yeah, sis,
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201. Let's see what you've got.
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202. Well, I would love to,
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203. But with Charlie acting up like this,
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204. Yeah, just...
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205. Maybe you should show us
some of your dance moves,
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206. That way we can fit into your show's style.
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207. I don't want to come
in here and shake it up.
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208. Ha ha. Good thing you're
better dancers than comedians.
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209. I wouldn't be too sure about that.
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210. Well, most of the numbers we do on
"shake it up, chicago" are hip hop.
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211. You know, stuff like this.
Ready?
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212. - Hey.
- What?
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213. Of course we know that stuff.
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214. But could you show us one more time?
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215. Where are they?
Where are they?
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216. Hey hey, guys.
What are you doing here?
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217. Sorry, but he wanted to come by
and meet the Duncan sisters.
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218. Yeah, I want their autographs.
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219. Okay, so ask them.
They're right here.
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220. Where?
Behind these guys?
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221. Um, these are the Duncan sisters.
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222. I don't think so.
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223. But for the record, you are delicious.
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224. Oh, this trip just gets better and better.
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225. Uh, Flynn, what are you talkinabout?
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226. - Of course these are the Duncans.
- Look,
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227. I've got people willing to pay big money
for signed pictures of the Duncan sisters.
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228. And they ain't them.
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229. These are.
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230. - I can explain that.
- Oh, come on!
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231. When are you gonna just...
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232. Actually I'd kinda like
to hear this myself.
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233. And when we saw how different
we looked in the pictures,
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234. We said, "mr. Photographer,
you are fired.
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235. Because you did not do
a good job at all!"
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236. Okay, that's enough dancing.
Everybody, take five.
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237. Okay, um, let me explain
something about my sister.
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238. First, she's my mother.
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239. Second, she's always had
this dream of being on tv.
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240. And it makes her do some
crazy things sometimes.
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241. I'm so sorry.
We'll just grab our stuff and go.
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242. - I'd better go with you.
- Why?
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243. For protection.
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244. A babe like you shouldn't be walking
around without some muscle.
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245. Forget it, little dude.
You got no shot.
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246. Yeah, like that's gonna stop him.
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247. Cece, her mom has the same dream we had.
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248. I mean maybe we should help her.
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249. - What's in it for us?
- Well, nothing.
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250. It's just a nice thing to do.
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251. Oh!
And then after.
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252. They give us money!
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253. No, Cece, we just do it out of
the kindness of our hearts.
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254. Okay, now I'm just lost.
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255. - Look, we don't even know if they can dance.
- How bad could they be?
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256. Come here.
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257. A five, six, seven, eight.
Wait a minute.
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258. The Duncans may not be great dancers,
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259. But they do have one thing going for them.
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260. That people will feel sorry for them.
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261. Okay, two things.
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262. - Whoo!
- And big finish, girls.
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263. So where's this valuable piece of art.
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264. You want to trade me for the cookie jar?
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265. Here we are.
Feast your eyes on this.
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266. - It's an original.
- No kidding.
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267. It was obviously drawn
by a two-year-old.
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268. Hey, I'm 17!
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269. I can't believe you made me come
all the way over here for this!
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270. - Wait.
- Wait, look,
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271. We just want our cookie jar back.
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272. It has deep sentimental value to us.
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273. Too bad.
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274. Now it has deep sentimental value to me.
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275. You must have had quite a morning with it.
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276. Did you find anything,
perhaps, inside the jar?
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277. No, but I found $500 taped to the lid.
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278. That was a pleasant surprise.
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279. And now you're going to be a good person.
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280. And give it back, right?
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281. That doesn't sound like me.
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282. Please. If we don't get it
back, we're in big trouble.
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283. Well, I'm not just gonna
giyou the cookie jar back.
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284. - I want something in return.
- Like what?
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285. Hmm, let's see.
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286. How about dinner and a show?
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287. - What do you mean?
- Well, I mean
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288. I want you to cook me a fancy dinner.
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289. And dazzle me with an entertaining show.
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290. Maybe something else?
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291. You could give me
a nice long foot massage.
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292. Dinner and a show it is.
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293. All right, come on out, you guys.
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294. Wow, you guys look great.
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295. You have everything
but glitter in your hair.
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296. Want to buy some?
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297. You guys, this is so exciting!
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298. I think that we're actually
gonna pull this off.
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299. Or not. Guys, it's the
real Duncan sisters.
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300. - Oh no.
- Oh yes!
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301. Time to make some money!
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302. I was so close to having
my dreams come true.
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303. Oh, everything you worked for
over the last half hour.
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304. Is gone.
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305. We have to get rid of them.
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306. Relax, ladies, Deuce has
it all under control.
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307. So when he says he has it
all under control,
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308. Should we be relieved or worried?
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309. Yes!
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310. Over here, and this is your dressing room.
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311. After you.
Ladies first.
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312. Hey!
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313. As long as you have
some time on your hands...
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314. Make it out to Flynn.
That's a "fly"
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315. Followed by
a "nn-nn"!
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316. Here you go, best table in the house.
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317. And if you like it, it's for sale tomorrow.
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318. Bon soir. For our
main course this evening,
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319. Ze chef has prepared
his own unique creation.
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320. Voila.
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321. A hot dog?
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322. That's your idea of a dinner?
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323. Wait till you see our idea of a show.
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324. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
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325. And thank you for that quiet,
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326. But passionate welcome.
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327. Only on the jokes, hon.
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328. So anybody here from out of town?
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329. I'll just point to you.
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330. - Not laughing yet.
- I think we're losing her.
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331. Time for the big number.
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332. I've seen enough.
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333. We did our part, so where's the cookie jar?
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334. Are you kidding?
That wasn't worth $5, never mind $500.
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335. - What else do you want?
- Well,
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336. Guess it's
foot-rubbing time.
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337. Oh look, there's one for each of you.
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338. - Dad, are you okay?
- Honestly?
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339. I'm a wreck.
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340. I completely forgot about
the emotional power.
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341. Of episode 22 where...
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342. Zork meets
his half-human brother.
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343. Zork?
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344. Are you watching "higgins & Zork,"
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345. The greatest tv show of all time?
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346. Are you a zorkie?
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347. Look!
You are!
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348. I've got all 64 episodes downstairs!
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349. And if you want to see them, all it will
cost you is one Kitty Cat cookie jar.
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350. - Deal!
- Is it okay with you, dad?
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351. - Does Zork hate venusians?
- Ahhhhh!
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352. Hey, everybody, and now a real treat!
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353. The "shake it up, chicago"
dancers with special guests.
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354. The Duncan sisters!
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355. Oh, I gotta admit that was pretty cool.
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356. I know.
They love me.
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357. We'll be right back after this.
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358. That was awesome, you guys.
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359. We're available next week.
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360. And the week after that.
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361. Yeah, but not right now.
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362. Oh goodness.
We gotta go.
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363. Okay, goodbye, Chicago!
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364. Here, let's go.
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365. Good luck, Charlie!
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366. Well, Charlie,
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367. Chicago was good and bad.
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368. Mom finally got on tv...
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369. Good.
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370. Aunt Nell changing her will.
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371. To leave all her money
to pet schnauzer mitzi...
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372. Bad.
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373. Um, as for me, I'm just
glad to be back home.
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374. Where everything's normal.
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375. What are you looking at?
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376. I don't know.
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377. I am commander toura.
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378. Not helping.
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379. Well, that's just about as normal
as it gets around this house.
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380. So good luck, Charlie.
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381. So did you bring me anything from Chicago?
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382. Oh yeah, I didn't forget about you.
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383. - Wait until you see what I... - Hey!
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384. You got me girls?
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385. No, I got you
a t-shirt!
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386. What are you guys doing in there?
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387. - We really wanted to see Denver.
- Yeah, it's really nice.
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388. - Oh, I'm glad you liked it.
- What?
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389. No, wait!
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390. Maybe I put it
in my carry-on.
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391. Oh!
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392. Hey, babe, miss me?
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393. - No.
- What?
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394. Okay, if that Deuce kid
comes out of my purse,
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395. I'm gonna scream.
Well I'll just stay in here.
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396. Ooh, mints!
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