1. Guys. Great news!
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2. I think I know where I want to have my birthday party.
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3. Your birthday party? Your birthday was six months ago.
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4. Yeah. But my party was cancelled because I got sick, remember?
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5. And then it was cancalled because I was bad.
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6. And it was too close to Christmas and then I was banned again.
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7. I guess we never did have a party for him.
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8. Well I suppose we could have one for him now.
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9. I mean we do love him as much as the other kids, right?
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10. Oh...
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11. Well...
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12. The party is gonna be at The Boom Zone.
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13. - Here. Take a look.
- Boom zone.
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14. It's totally fun. And it's the perfect birthday
party place for me and ten of my closet friends.
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15. Or as I like to call them: gift bringers.
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16. Wow. That's gonna run us some money.
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17. I mean maybe for one of the other kids.
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18. - Gabe, we'll do it.
- Yes!
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19. Now you're talking.
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20. - On one condition.
- Oh and you're still talking.
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21. We can have a party at the Boom Zone
if you can be good for a whole week.
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22. I can do that.
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23. Can't be mean to your brother and sisters?
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24. - No problem.
- Can't make fun of my cooking?
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25. Harder but I can do that.
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26. And you can't make fun of your father's weight.
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27. Ho ho. Bye bye Boom Zone.
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28. No dad. Dad, you're wrong. I can do this.
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29. For the next week, I will not say anything about your weight.
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30. - Really?
- Yeah.
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31. - Good luck with that.
- Thanks, baldie.
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32. - No, you tell her.
- No, you.
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33. - No, you.
- No no, you tell her.
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34. Somebody!
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35. Okay, so Derek said the deepest thing.
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36. Tell her, sweetie.
I was looking at my cereal this morning.
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37. "And I was thinking... wow...
no two flakes are exactly alike."
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38. That's snowflakes, not cornflakes.
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39. I actually wrote a poem about it.
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40. If you wanna hear it,
my next poetry slam. T.
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41. - We'll be there.
- Um, actually,
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42. I got another slam to go to that night.
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43. Derek didn't say what night it was.
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44. I got slams all week.
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45. I'm just slammed.
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46. - We'll be there.
- Cool.
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47. I gotta go.
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48. You know, babe, and read something,
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49. - That would be awesome.
- Okay.
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50. Cool. The theme
of the night is pain.
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51. Okay.
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52. - See ya.
- Okay.
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53. You're gonna write a poem
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54. About pain then get up and read it?
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55. I don't think so.
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56. You just said you would.
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57. - I did?
- Yes.
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58. - When he put his arm on your shoulder.
- Oh darn.
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59. Whenever he does that
I can't think straight.
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60. Uh-huh.
So did you really like.
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61. - That thing he said about cereal?
- What did he say about cereal?
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62. Hey, honey, these pants are too tight.
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63. Where are the new bigger ones I bought?
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64. Those are the new bigger ones.
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65. I'm leaving.
This is not a safe environment for me.
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66. These pants aren't so tight.
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67. I can make this work.
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68. Okay, Bob honey,
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69. I love you to pieces, my dear,
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70. But your waistline has now become
a safety issue for the children.
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71. Honey, I would love
to lose a couple of pounds,
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72. But diets just don't seem to work for me.
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73. Well, dad, it's not just abo...
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74. Dad, it's not about dieting.
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75. What you need is healthier eating
choices combined with exercise.
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76. - What is that supposed to mean?
- Less bacon, more shakin'.
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77. I can help you out, be like your trainer.
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78. Okay.
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79. Thank you very much,
but I don't need your help.
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80. Yup, split the underwear too.
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81. Get started in the morning?
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82. Uh, Teddy, are you okay?
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83. No, my cereal's not speaking to me.
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84. Has your cereal spoken to you before?
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85. No, I just...
I need some inspiration.
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86. I told Derek that I'd read an original poem.
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87. On Saturday night
and so far I've got nothing.
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88. Poetry you say?
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89. Have I ever mentioned that I write poetry?
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90. Mom, please don't make this about you.
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91. Of course, that would be selfish.
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92. Ooh! I wrote a great
poem about selfishness.
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93. - It goes like this:
"me me me me"... - Mom!
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94. Sorry.
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95. Okay, what is your poem
supposed to be about?
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96. Well, it's supposed to be about pain,
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97. But I can't think about anything painful.
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98. I have
happily-married parents,
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99. A roof over my head, food on my table.
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100. Why'd you guys have to
give me such a good life?
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101. Ah.
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102. - All right!
- Okay.
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103. - Let's go!
- Looking good, dad.
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104. For starters, thank you for
not wearing a tank top.
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105. All right, what do we do first?
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106. We... Sambacise.
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107. - Whis this?
- This is a celebrity workout program.
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108. Which combines exercise with samba dancing.
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109. Oh, I don't know. This isn't gonna
make me look stupid, is it?
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110. Well, that's a big yes.
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111. Come on, dad, just give it a chance.
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112. Look how much fun Betty white's having.
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113. Wow, that woman is everywhere.
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114. - Just follow me.
- Uh-huh.
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115. - To the side.
- Whoa!
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116. - Yeah, and watch this part... wha!
- Oh! Look at that!
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117. Yeah, keep going, dad.
There you go, there you go.
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118. Hey, wait a minute.
Betty's got a rose.
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119. Well, way ahead of you, dad.
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120. - Thank you, sir.
- Uh-huh.
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121. All right, here we go.
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122. Yeah!
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123. Ain't bad.
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124. Anything on your mind?
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125. I can make fun of this, right?
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126. I mean, this doesn't have
anything to do with your weight.
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127. Oh, yes it does.
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128. I'm doing this to loweight.
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129. Big finish.
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130. Ah!
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131. "deep, gut-wrenching pain,"
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132. Like an animal devouring me
from the inside out
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133. I cried in agony.
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134. "Then gave
into the beast."
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135. Thank you.
That was called "cereal."
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136. - Okay, you're up.
- Okay.
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137. Okay.
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138. Hello. Hello.
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139. Hi. I'm Teddy Duncan.
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140. And this is called
"nosebleed."
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141. "blood blood, watch it flow,"
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142. From my nose it did go,
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143. I was a screamer, I was a crier,
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144. The doctor called for a humidifier,
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145. We tried ice, we tried cotton,
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146. I put my head way back...
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147. "Nuttin'."
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148. Thank you.
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149. Was it really as bad as I thought?
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150. No.
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151. No no, it was...
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152. It wa... oh, uh,
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153. - I gotta take this.
- Oh.
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154. Hello.
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155. Okay, fake phone call...
was it really that bad?
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156. Hang on. Hello?
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157. Hey! Stop that.
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158. I can't believe I just made.
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159. A complete fool of myself
in front of Derek.
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160. So? Who cares
what Derek thinks?
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161. I do.
He's my boyfriend.
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162. Look, he's fine for now,
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163. But he isn't exactly a keeper, right?
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164. - What do you mean? - Come on.
You guys are so different.
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165. Well... different?
How are we different?
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166. You're smart.
He's Derek.
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167. You're fun.
He's Derek.
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168. You're interesting.
He's Derek.
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169. So you don't like Derek?
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170. Okay. Well, maybe I don't
like your boyfriend.
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171. And what is wrong
with my ray-ray?
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172. Well, the fact that you call
him ray-ray for starters.
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173. "ray-ray said this.
Ray-ray said that."
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174. Sometimes
I just pray-pray.
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175. You'll shut up
about ray-ray.
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176. Well, your prayers have just been answered,
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177. Because I'm never talking to you again.
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178. Well, that...
that's right!
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179. Go run-run away-way
to ray-ray!
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180. Look... no,
it's not a poem.
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181. But you liked it?
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182. Whoa, it is really coming down out there.
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183. Well, mom, it wasn't easy,
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184. But I've been good for an entire week.
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185. Boom zone, here I come!
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186. I have to say, Gabe, you have
really earned this party.
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187. Hmm. Here you go.
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188. - What's this?
- It's a list of bad things
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189. I thought of saying but didn't.
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190. Part one is fat jokes about dad.
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191. Gabe, there's nothing funny about...
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192. That one's pretty good.
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193. I like that one.
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194. Oh, that one's even better.
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195. That one...
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196. What?
What's so funny?
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197. Nothing.
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198. Ooh! Cake.
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199. "dear dad, be strong."
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200. Do not eat this cake.
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201. "Love, your son
and trainer P.J."
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202. "dear dad, so you've thrown
away my first note."
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203. Here is a second chance
to make the right decision.
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204. "Your son who believes
in you, P.J."
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205. "dear dad,
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206. Okay, so notes
aren't your thing."
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207. - Hi, Mrs. Wentz. - Hey.
Goodness, Teddy, get in here.
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208. Oh wow, it's really snowing out there.
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209. I could barely park in your driveway.
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210. We don't have a driveway.
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211. Okay. Well, I know
where it could go.
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212. Can I talk to Ivy?
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213. We got in a fight last night and
I really need to apologize.
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214. Oh, I'm sorry, Teddy.
Ivy's not here.
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215. She went to your house because she
said she needed to apologize to you.
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216. - She did?
- Mm-hmm.
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217. Okay, well, I...
I'd better go home then.
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218. Oh no, Teddy, you're not going anywhere.
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219. Hi, Mr. Wentz.
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220. Come on, take a look at this.
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221. - Okay.
- Now as you can see,
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222. We've got a high-pressure system
stalled over the rockies,
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223. And it's pushing cold arctic
air down from Canada.
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224. Giving us a freak spring blizzard.
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225. - Oh. - Harry always
wanted to be a weatherman,
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226. But he answered the call
of plumbing supplies.
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227. Mmm.
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228. They've just closed all the roads,
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229. And that means that you, young lady,
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230. Are gonna be staying right
here, maybe overnight.
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231. What? I'm sorry,
I can't stay overnight.
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232. I'd like to also send a
shout out to abner Johnson.
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233. He's 104 today.
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234. Who is he talking to?
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235. Nobody. Harry...
Mmm?
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236. You do know that you're
not really on tv, right?
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237. Of course I do.
Back to you, Mary lo...
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238. We're expecting up to
two feet of snow today,
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239. So stay in your homes
and off the roads.
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240. Ivy? Get in here.
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241. What are you doing here?
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242. I came over to apologize to Teddy.
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243. Teddy went to your house
to apologize to you.
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244. - What? - And now the
roads are all closed,
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245. - So you're gonna be stuck here awhile.
- Really? You mean overnight?
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246. Even maybe a few days?
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247. - Yes!
- Ah. Let's go, people.
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248. We've got a party to go to.
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249. Gabe honey, I'm afraid
we have some bad news.
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250. Just tell me on the way to the boom zone.
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251. No no. Come sit
with mama, okay?
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252. Okay. Hey.
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253. Now, sweetie, because of the blizzard,
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254. Nobody's able to drive anywhere and...
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255. I'm afraid your party is off.
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256. What? Again?
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257. - No no, take a deep breath.
- I can't believe this!
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258. I've been keeping
my mouth shut for nothing?
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259. - Okay, Gabe, just calm...
- Save it, tubby!
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260. - Hey, Gabe! - Your cooking stinks!
And you're stupid!
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261. - I didn't say anything.
- Yeah, but you were thinking something stupid.
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262. I hate my life!
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263. Man. This is much
better than my house.
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264. You see, Teddy, most people actually think.
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265. That when the temperature rises,
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266. So does the barometric pressure...
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267. But that is not the case.
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268. Harry, leave that girl alone.
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269. Let's do something
Teddy would enjoy, like...
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270. A Jigsaw puzzle.
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271. Oh!
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272. - Gabe, are you okay?
- Leave me alone.
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273. Look, babe, I know how you feel.
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274. No, you don't. You've never
gone without a party on your birthday.
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275. You've had like a million of them.
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276. Okay, I'm gonna let that one go,
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277. Because I know you're hurting right now.
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278. But I promise you: You are
going to have a birthday party.
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279. Yeah, when I'm 100.
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280. And I can't even blow out my candles?
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281. Okay, if you're referring to grandpa,
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282. He's only 70 and he has asthma.
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283. Teddy, you've hardly touched
your liver and onions.
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284. Mmm.
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285. I had liver for breakfast.
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286. Got any requests?
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287. How about a snowmobile?
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288. How about "row row row your boat"?
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289. It's my favorite.
Come on.
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290. Actually, Mr. Wentz,
you really don't have to...
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291. We can't do this when Ivy's home.
She won't let us.
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292. Ha. I miss her so much.
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293. Rounds!
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294. Whatever this is,
I'm sure it's gonna be lame.
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295. Oh, I don't think so.
Hit it, Charlie.
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296. Surprise!
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297. Happy Birthday!
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298. - What's all this?
- "What's all this?"
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299. It's the Duncan fun zone!
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300. Well, since we can't go to your party,
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301. We brought the party to you.
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302. Look out below!
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303. - Oh!
- Oh!
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304. - Oh!
- You want a turn?
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305. You look kinda sick.
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306. Yeah.
Of course I want a turn!
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307. All right!
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308. Wait wait. Guys guys, does
this song have an ending?
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309. If it does, we've never found it.
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310. Now...
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311. In German!
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312. ugh!
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313. Yeah!
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314. Ooh.
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315. Yeah!
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316. - Yay!
- Hey!
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317. Thanks, everybody.
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318. This really has been the best party ever.
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319. Look, I'm sorry I called you fat,
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320. Stupid and a bad cook.
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321. I mean, even though you are
fat, stupid and a bad cook...
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322. I love you all.
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323. Well, we love you too.
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324. Not as much as the others, of course...
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325. But...
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326. - Teddy!
- Hey, everybody.
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327. - Hey!
- Oh, hey.
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328. What are you doing here?
The roads are all closed.
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329. - Yeah, I walked.
- Why did you do that?
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330. I think I can answer that.
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331. - Liver and onions?
- Yup.
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332. - Jigsaw puzzle?
- Uh-huh.
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333. - "row row row your boat"?
- In German.
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334. - Come here.
- Okay.
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335. Well, Charlie, the storm's over,
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336. Sun's shining, Gabe had a great party.
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337. And... ooh, best of all,
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338. Thanks to sambacising,
dad's lost two pounds.
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339. Yeah, he was so excited,
he's now graduated to...
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340. Tangocise!
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341. Oh!
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342. Ay-yi-yi.
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343. Good luck, Charlie.
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344. Huh.
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345. Finally, we are alone.
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346. - Nuh-uh-uh.
- Whoa-ho-ho!
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347. How did you...
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348. But it was... but...
how... how did you...
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349. Now grab an apple and go back to bed.
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350. - You're just.
- Yes.D, right?
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351. - No arms, no legs?
- Nope.
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352. - Got eyes though, right?
- Of course.
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353. - Well, then you can watch me.
- No. No no..
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354. - No no no no no!
- Mmm!
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355. Now I'm wishing I didn't have eyes.
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356. - Wish you didn't have teeth?
- No no!
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