1. - THAT'S ME, GLENN MARTIN,
FATHER, DENTIST, HOMBRE,Copy !req
2. BUT MOSTLY FATHER
AND DENTIST.Copy !req
3. I TOOK MY FAMILY ON A ROAD TRIP
SO WE CAN GROW CLOSER.Copy !req
4. WELL, THAT, AND I BURNED
THE HOUSE DOWN.Copy !req
5. SO IT'S ME,
MY WIFE, JACKIE—Copy !req
6. SHE'S THE SWEETEST—
OH!Copy !req
7. OUR SON, CONOR;
HE'S UNIQUE,Copy !req
8. HIS SISTER, COURTNEY—Copy !req
9. WE'LL ALL BE WORKING
FOR HER ONE DAY.Copy !req
10. IN FACT, HER ASSISTANT WENDY
ALREADY IS.Copy !req
11. AND THERE'S CANINE.Copy !req
12. HE'LL BE STICKIN' AROUND.Copy !req
13. WANT TO HEAR US WHISTLE?Copy !req
14. - MOM.Copy !req
15. MOM.Copy !req
16. MOM!Copy !req
17. YOUR GEOMETRY HOMEWORK
IS IMPOSSIBLE.Copy !req
18. - OKAY, CONOR, ONE LAST TIME.Copy !req
19. THIS IS SUNNY CIRCLE.Copy !req
20. - WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN SINE AND ARCSINE?Copy !req
21. - WHAT SHAPE IS SUNNY CIRCLE?Copy !req
22. - HOW DO I CALCULATE
THE VOLUME OF THIS PYRAMID?Copy !req
23. - CAN'T YOU GIVE ME A HAND?Copy !req
24. - EVERYONE JUST PUT DOWN "TWO"
AND MOVE ON.Copy !req
25. - MOM, YOU'VE HAD US ANSWER
"TWO" FOR EVERY QUESTION.Copy !req
26. - EXCEPT FOR FRENCH HOMEWORK,
WHERE YOU HAD US PUT "DOS."Copy !req
27. - LOOK, I GOT A LOT ON MY PLATE,
OKAY?Copy !req
28. TEACHING, VACUUMING, LAUNDRY.Copy !req
29. - I CAN'T CONCENTRATE
WITH THAT SQUEAKING!Copy !req
30. - CANINE,
STOP PLAYING WITH BABY.Copy !req
31. KEEP THINKING
WHILE I PUT THE ROAST IN.Copy !req
32. - COME ON, SUNNY CIRCLE,
WHAT ARE YOU?Copy !req
33. - MOM, WHAT'S THAT SMELL?Copy !req
34. - AND WHY IS CANINE
SNUGGLING A POT ROAST?Copy !req
35. - WAIT, IF CANINE
HAS THE POT ROAST,Copy !req
36. WHAT DID I PUT IN THE MICROWAVE?Copy !req
37. OH, MY GOD, THE BABY!Copy !req
38. splat!Copy !req
39. - THIS TIME IT WAS ONLY A DOLL,Copy !req
40. BUT WHAT IF YOU PUT CONOR
OR COURTNEY IN THE MICROWAVE?Copy !req
41. OR ME?Copy !req
42. - SORRY, BUT I JUST
GOT OVERWHELMEDCopy !req
43. WITH THIS STUPID GEOMETRY.Copy !req
44. I'M TEACHING STUFF
I NEVER LEARNED.Copy !req
45. - HOW DID YOU GRADUATE
WITHOUT LEARNING THE LESSONSCopy !req
46. OF EUCLID, PYTHAGORAS,
AND SUNNY CIRCLE?Copy !req
47. - MAYBE BECAUSE I HAD A LIFE,
OKAY?Copy !req
48. - COME ON, JACKIE,
ENOUGH MONKEY BRIDGE.Copy !req
49. MR. CONTE WILL GO MENTAL
IF WE'RE LATE FOR GEOMETRY.Copy !req
50. - PLEASE, 20 YEARS FROM NOW,Copy !req
51. NO ONE WILL EVEN KNOW
WHAT GEOMETRY IS.Copy !req
52. I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO
UNDERSTAND, GLENN.Copy !req
53. IT WAS ALL ABOUT BEING COOL.Copy !req
54. - OH.Copy !req
55. - ANYWAY, THAT'S NOT THE POINT.Copy !req
56. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TEACH,
DO THE HOUSEWORK,Copy !req
57. AND LEARN GEOMETRY TOO?Copy !req
58. - MAYBE IF YOU GOT
A LITTLE LESS SLEEP?Copy !req
59. - EVERYONE NEEDS ME
FOR EVERYTHING.Copy !req
60. I HAVE NO JACKIE TIME.Copy !req
61. - WELL, IF JACKIE TIME
IS THE SAME AS GLENN TIME,Copy !req
62. JUST GO IN THE BATHROOM,
LOCK THE DOOR,Copy !req
63. AND TURN ON THE FAUCET.Copy !req
64. - HUH?Copy !req
65. - JACKIE TIME MEANS CRYING,
RIGHT?Copy !req
66. - LOOK, GLENN,
THERE ARE TONS OF THINGSCopy !req
67. I'D LOVE TO PURSUE
TO IMPROVE MYSELF.Copy !req
68. GARDENING, ART, PHILOSOPHY.Copy !req
69. BUT UNLESS YOU WANT TO HIRE
A TUTOR—Copy !req
70. - DONE.
- SERIOUSLY?Copy !req
71. WE CAN ACTUALLY HIRE A TUTOR
FOR THE KIDS?Copy !req
72. - OH, FOR THE KIDS.Copy !req
73. THAT MAKES MUCH MORE SENSE.Copy !req
74. SO, MISS PATETTI, WHAT MAKES YOU
QUALIFIED TO BE A TUTOR?Copy !req
75. - I LOVES TEACHING,
AND I LOVE CHILDRENS.Copy !req
76. IF IT'S YOUR DRUTHERS,
I CAN TEACH 'EM GUN SAFETY.Copy !req
77. - KEYS MAY BE BLIND AND DEAF,
BUT HE'S A WHIZ AT TRIGONOMETRY.Copy !req
78. NOW, WHICH ONE OF THE KIDS
WILL BE WASHING ME?Copy !req
79. - ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE QUALIFIED
TO BE A TUTOR?Copy !req
80. BECAUSE WE EXPECT YOU TO KNOW
GEOMETRY, BIOLOGY, AND PHYSICS.Copy !req
81. - WHAT?Copy !req
82. YOU DON'T THINK
I KNOW THOSE THINGSCopy !req
83. JUST BECAUSE I'M A CAVEMAN?Copy !req
84. - ACTUALLY, NO.Copy !req
85. IT'S BECAUSE YOUR RESUME SAYS
YOU GRADUATED FROM RUTGERS.Copy !req
86. HEY, HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU—Copy !req
87. - THAT I LOOK LIKE
THE GEICO CAVEMAN?Copy !req
88. UGH!Copy !req
89. - NO, I WAS GONNA SAY CHEWBACCA!Copy !req
90. FINALLY, AN IMPRESSIVE RESUME.Copy !req
91. - THANKS A BUNCH, GUYS.Copy !req
92. BEFORE I START AT
DUKE UNIVERSITY IN THE FALL,Copy !req
93. MY DREAM IS TO HELP CHILDREN
BE THE SUPER BEST THEY CAN BECopy !req
94. AND SEE THE GREATEST NATION
ON EARTHCopy !req
95. FROM THE WINDOW OF A VAN.Copy !req
96. - IMPRESSIVE.Copy !req
97. YOU KNOW,
I'VE ALWAYS FANCIED MYSELFCopy !req
98. AN INTELLECTUAL EQUAL
OF A DUKE MAN.Copy !req
99. - WHAT'S DUKE?Copy !req
100. - IT'S HARVARD
FOR ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE.Copy !req
101. AND, KIDS, THESE ARE FOR YOU.Copy !req
102. - THIS COMBINES MY LOVE
FOR STUFFED ANIMALSCopy !req
103. AND ELITE COLLEGES.Copy !req
104. - WELL, YOU'RE KIND OF PERFECT,
AREN'T YOU?Copy !req
105. - OH, DON'T BE THREATENED.Copy !req
106. I'M JUST HERE TO HELP OUT
WITH THE EVERYDAY TASKSCopy !req
107. YOU CAN'T HANDLE.Copy !req
108. - HONEY, I THINK WE FOUND
OUR GAL.Copy !req
109. I MEAN, THERE'S NO LIMIT
TO HOW MUCH YOU CAN'T HANDLE.Copy !req
110. - I LIKE HAYLEY,Copy !req
111. BUT WHY'D THEY HAVE TO
GIVE HER CONOR'S ROOM?Copy !req
112. THERE IS NO WAY I'M FALLING
ASLEEP WITH THAT SNORING.Copy !req
113. - ACTUALLY,
I MIGHT HAVE A BETTER WAY.Copy !req
114. - YOU'RE GONNA BEAT HIM TO DEATH
WITH THAT BOOK.Copy !req
115. GREAT IDEA.Copy !req
116. - NO, THIS BOOK IS ABOUT
THE POWER OF SUGGESTION.Copy !req
117. IT CLAIMS THAT YOU CAN HYPNOTIZE
CERTAIN VULNERABLE PEOPLECopy !req
118. WHEN THEY'RE ASLEEP.Copy !req
119. YOU CAN GET THEM
TO DO ALMOST ANYTHING,Copy !req
120. QUIT SMOKING, LOSE WEIGHT.Copy !req
121. - CONOR.Copy !req
122. STOP SNORING.Copy !req
123. - WOW, IT WORKED.Copy !req
124. ARE YOU THINKING
WHAT I'M THINKING?Copy !req
125. - SLEEP IN THE SAME BED!
- ROBOT BUTLER!Copy !req
126. - YEAH, ROBOT BUTLER.Copy !req
127. THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.
LET'S DO IT.Copy !req
128. HERE'S THAT RHOMBUS, HAYLEY.Copy !req
129. - GOOD JOB, KIDS.Copy !req
130. SEE?Copy !req
131. GEOMETRY ISN'T JUST DRAWINGS
IN A BORING TEXTBOOK.Copy !req
132. - WOW, I THOUGHT MOM
WAS A PRETTY GOOD TEACHER,Copy !req
133. BUT YOU'RE MOPPING THE FLOOR
WITH HER.Copy !req
134. - HUH?Copy !req
135. - OW.Copy !req
136. OH.Copy !req
137. - SHOULD WE TRY TURNING CONOR
INTO A ROBOT NOW?Copy !req
138. - I'LL GIVE HIM THE CODE WORD.Copy !req
139. CONOR, UNICORN.Copy !req
140. - I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKED.Copy !req
141. - JEEVES-BOT,
PLEASE GET US ORANGE JUICE.Copy !req
142. - WELL, YOU SEEM TO HAVE
THE TEACHING UNDER CONTROL.Copy !req
143. BUT A MOTHER'S JOB
IS NEVER DONE.Copy !req
144. I STILL HAVE COOKING,
DISHES, LAUNDRY.Copy !req
145. - ALL DONE.
- WHAT?Copy !req
146. - DO YOU WANT ME TO BOX UP
YOUR OLD MATERNITY CLOTHES?Copy !req
147. - YOU MEAN THE PANTS
I BOUGHT YESTERDAY?Copy !req
148. - NO, THEY'RE REALLY FLATTERING.Copy !req
149. UM, WHY DON'T I JUST PUT THESE
ON A COUPLE OF HANGERS?Copy !req
150. - BUT HOW DID YOU DO ALL THAT
SO FAST?Copy !req
151. - I FIND YOU CAN GET
SO MUCH DONECopy !req
152. WHEN YOU DON'T WASTE TIME
COMPLAINING.Copy !req
153. - OH, HOW DARE SHE SAY THAT.Copy !req
154. - WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN
COMPLAINING ABOUT THAT SENTENCECopy !req
155. FOR THE LAST HALF HOUR.Copy !req
156. - HMM.Copy !req
157. - WOULD YOU EXCUSE US?Copy !req
158. I THOUGHT YOU'D BE HAPPY.Copy !req
159. SHE'S TAKING THE BURDEN OFF YOU.Copy !req
160. YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED.Copy !req
161. NOBODY NEEDS YOU.Copy !req
162. - AWW.Copy !req
163. - CHEER UP!Copy !req
164. NOW YOU'VE GOT "JACKIE TIME."Copy !req
165. YOU CAN START GARDENING
OR TAKE A PAINTING CLASSCopy !req
166. OR LOSE THE BABY WEIGHT.Copy !req
167. - YOU KNOW WHAT,
I THINK I'LL DO IT.Copy !req
168. - LOSE THE BABY WEIGHT?Copy !req
169. - NO, TAKE A PAINTING CLASS.Copy !req
170. - THAT'S WHAT I HOPED
YOU'D PICK.Copy !req
171. - THIS IS GONNA BE FUN,Copy !req
172. UNLESS I DISCOVER
I HAVE NO TALENT,Copy !req
173. IN WHICH CASE
I'LL FEEL LIKE A LOSER.Copy !req
174. OH, WHY DID I EVER
LEAVE THE HOUSE?Copy !req
175. I'LL JUST GRAB AN ENERGY DRINK.Copy !req
176. NO, IT COULDN'T BE.Copy !req
177. I DIDN'T EXPECT
TO RUN INTO YOU HERE.Copy !req
178. YOU AGAIN.Copy !req
179. TAKE CARE.Copy !req
180. OH! AH!Copy !req
181. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?Copy !req
182. - YOU GONNA PLAY, LADY?Copy !req
183. - OH, NO.Copy !req
184. NO, MONKEY BRIDGE IS IN MY PAST.Copy !req
185. I HAVE A FAMILY,
A FULL LIFE.Copy !req
186. THEN AGAIN,
ONE GAME WON'T HURT.Copy !req
187. OH, YEAH.Copy !req
188. JACKIE'S BACK.Copy !req
189. - OH, YEAH, CHASE THE DRAGON,
JACKIE.Copy !req
190. CHASE THE DRAGON.Copy !req
191. - WHOA!Copy !req
192. I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY
SEEN THE DRAGON LEVEL.Copy !req
193. - NO!Copy !req
194. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME,
YOU STUPID—Copy !req
195. HEY, HIGH SCORE.Copy !req
196. M-O-M.Copy !req
197. - YOU'RE AMAZING, MOM.Copy !req
198. AND THAT'S SOMETHING
I NEVER SAID TO MY OWN MOM.Copy !req
199. MY GOD, HAVE I BEEN PLAYING
ALL NIGHT?Copy !req
200. OH, CANINE, I'M SO SORRY.Copy !req
201. OH, WHAT AM I GONNA TELL GLENN?Copy !req
202. I GOT AMNESIA
AND WOKE UP IN THE GUTTER.Copy !req
203. NO, I USED THAT TO GET OUT
OF SEEING IT'S COMPLICATED.Copy !req
204. - PAINTINGS FOR SALE.Copy !req
205. - AN ORIGINAL PAINTING.Copy !req
206. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED.Copy !req
207. TELL ME EVERYTHING
ABOUT THIS ONE.Copy !req
208. - FRUIT BOWL NUMBER NINE.Copy !req
209. NOTE THE INTERPLAY
OF LIGHT AND SHADOWCopy !req
210. ON THE SKIN OF THAT TANGERINE.Copy !req
211. AND DON'T GET ERASMUS STARTED
ON FORCED PERSPECTIVE.Copy !req
212. - I'LL TAKE IT.Copy !req
213. - I HAVE TO ADMIT,Copy !req
214. UPGRADING CONOR'S SOFTWARE
MADE A HUGE DIFFERENCE.Copy !req
215. - MAY I GET YOU A MINI
FRITTATA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA—Copy !req
216. BUTTERMILK PANCAKES.Copy !req
217. - NO, THANK YOU.Copy !req
218. - JEEVES-BOT MUST EAT.Copy !req
219. PERMISSION TO FEED.Copy !req
220. - PERMISSION GRANTED.Copy !req
221. SEE?
HE'S THINKING FOR HIMSELF.Copy !req
222. WE'VE MADE THE PERFECT SERVANT.Copy !req
223. - THIS IS CRUEL.Copy !req
224. THAT'S MOTOR OIL.Copy !req
225. UNICORN! UNICORN!Copy !req
226. - HUH?Copy !req
227. HEY, WHO MADE MINI FRITTATAS?Copy !req
228. - HI, KIDS.Copy !req
229. WHY, HELLO, HAYLEY.Copy !req
230. LIKE ALL LEARNED MEN,
I LIKE TO START THE MORNINGCopy !req
231. BY PLAYING 10 OR 12
GAMES OF CHESSCopy !req
232. BEFORE I GO OUT
ON A 10-MILE SPEED WALK.Copy !req
233. DOES THAT INTRIGUE YOU?Copy !req
234. - OH, DR. MARTIN,
I LIKE YOUR GLASSES.Copy !req
235. - OH, THESE OLD THINGS?Copy !req
236. I USE THESE
FOR READING NOVELS...Copy !req
237. WITHOUT PICTURES.Copy !req
238. MORNING, JACKIE.Copy !req
239. SLEEP WELL?Copy !req
240. - YOU DIDN'T NOTICE?Copy !req
241. I WAS GONE ALL NIGHT
AT ART CLASS.Copy !req
242. I PAINTED THIS.Copy !req
243. CHECK OUT THE PLAY OF LIGHT
AND SHADOW ON THE TANGERINE.Copy !req
244. AND DON'T EVEN GET
ERASMUS STARTEDCopy !req
245. ON THE FORCED PERSPECTIVE.Copy !req
246. - ERASMUS?Copy !req
247. - HONEY, THIS IS GOOD,Copy !req
248. LIKE, SELL IN A PARKING LOT
GOOD.Copy !req
249. YOU'RE FLOURISHING
JUST LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD.Copy !req
250. - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
FINISHED THIS IN ONE CLASS.Copy !req
251. - OH, HAYLEY,
YOU MAY BE BOOK SMART.Copy !req
252. BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE ARTIST'S WAY.Copy !req
253. NAMASTE.Copy !req
254. - HAYLEY, WHERE WAS I?Copy !req
255. OH, YES,
MY RENAISSANCE MAN-NESS.Copy !req
256. WOULD IT INTRIGUE YOU TO LEARNCopy !req
257. THAT I ONCE WROTE A SONNET
ENTITLED THE LOVELY UNICORN?Copy !req
258. TA-TA-TA-TA.Copy !req
259. - I'M OFF TO ART CLASS, GLENN.Copy !req
260. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.Copy !req
261. LAST NIGHT WAS A ONE-TIME THING.Copy !req
262. TODAY, WE'RE GONNA PAINT.Copy !req
263. AH, YOU'RE RIGHT.Copy !req
264. ONE GAME BEFORE CLASS
WON'T HURT.Copy !req
265. IT'LL BE OUR SECRET.Copy !req
266. YEAH, COME ON!
COME ON! COME ON! COME ON!Copy !req
267. YEAH! COME ON!
YEAH!Copy !req
268. - MOM,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT.Copy !req
269. RANDY'S ON THE PHONE FOR YOU.Copy !req
270. - WHO'S RANDY?Copy !req
271. - ONLY THE MONKEY BRIDGE
WORLD CHAMPION OF THIS TOWN.Copy !req
272. - HELLO, MOM.Copy !req
273. I HEAR YOU DARE APPROACH
THE RANDY'S RECORD.Copy !req
274. - I'M SORRY, I COULDN'T HEAR YOU
OVER THE SOUNDCopy !req
275. OF A POMPOUS WINDBAG
SPEAKING IN THE THIRD PERSON.Copy !req
276. - NO, THAT WAS ME.Copy !req
277. HEY!Copy !req
278. YOU AND I, TOMORROW NIGHT,Copy !req
279. CONVENIENCE STORE PARKING LOT.Copy !req
280. ONE CONTEST TO DECIDE IT ALL.Copy !req
281. I AM THE MAN!Copy !req
282. THAT'LL BE $2, SIR.Copy !req
283. - DID YOU KNOW THE DUKE
ADOPT A HIGHWAY PROGRAMCopy !req
284. BEAUTIFIED 22 MILES OF ROADS
LAST YEAR?Copy !req
285. WE HAVE TO DO OUR PART.Copy !req
286. - I'M STARTING TO THINK
THIS MIGHT NOT BE HEALTHY.Copy !req
287. UNICORN.Copy !req
288. I SAID UNICORN.Copy !req
289. WHY ISN'T HE SHUTTING DOWN?Copy !req
290. AND WHY ISN'T HE
CRAPPING NICKELS?Copy !req
291. - I KNEW YOU'D TRY
TO SHUT HIM DOWN.Copy !req
292. THAT'S WHY I DEPROGRAMMED
THE SAFE WORD LAST NIGHT.Copy !req
293. - YOU CAN'T LEAVE HIM A ROBOT.Copy !req
294. - WHY?Copy !req
295. NO ONE'S GETTING HURT.Copy !req
296. - CUBISM!Copy !req
297. POINTILLISM!Copy !req
298. CHIAROSCURO!Copy !req
299. - YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF NERVE
STEALING MY WIFE'S ARTCopy !req
300. AND SELLING IT LIKE THIS.Copy !req
301. OH, I SHOULD REPORT YOU
TO WHATEVER BODY GOVERNSCopy !req
302. THE SALE OF ARTWORK
ALONG A FENCE.Copy !req
303. - OH, NOW YOU'RE BRINGINGCopy !req
304. THE FENCE AND LOT ART COMMISSION
INTO THIS.Copy !req
305. ERASMUS HAS BEEN CALLED
A LOT OF THINGS.Copy !req
306. - HOLY KRZYZEWSKI.Copy !req
307. - NOT MY BRUEGEL THE ELDER!Copy !req
308. - DR. MARTIN,
YOU NEED TO SEE THIS.Copy !req
309. - COME ON! COME ON!
COME ON! COME ON!Copy !req
310. - OH, HI, GUYS.Copy !req
311. HEY, I'M GETTING REALLY GOOD,
RIGHT, RIGHT?Copy !req
312. WATCH HOW SHE FOLLOWS YOU
WITH HER EYES.Copy !req
313. SHE'S LOOKING AT YOU.Copy !req
314. NOW SHE'S LOOKING AT YOU.Copy !req
315. OH, NOW SHE'S LOOKING
THROUGH YOU.Copy !req
316. - MRS. MARTIN,
THIS IS AN INTERVENTION.Copy !req
317. I SAW YOU PLAYING VIDEO GAMESCopy !req
318. WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
AT CLASS.Copy !req
319. - LOOK WHAT IT'S DOING
TO YOUR SON.Copy !req
320. - HEY, HOT STUFF.Copy !req
321. DOES THIS TURN YOU ON?Copy !req
322. - IF YOU DON'T KICK THIS NOW,Copy !req
323. YOU'LL LOSE YOUR HOME,
YOUR FAMILY,Copy !req
324. AND WORST OF ALL,
YOUR LOOKS.Copy !req
325. - I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT.Copy !req
326. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.Copy !req
327. - YOU WANT PROOF?Copy !req
328. THE BACKS OF ALL YOUR PAINTINGS
SAY "PAINTED BY ERASMUS."Copy !req
329. - LOOK, I APPRECIATE
THAT YOU CARE SO MUCH,Copy !req
330. BUT I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.Copy !req
331. - OH, REALLY?Copy !req
332. I GOT NEXT!Copy !req
333. I'M LOCKING YOU IN
UNTIL YOU DETOX.Copy !req
334. - YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.Copy !req
335. I CAN QUIT ANY TIME I WANT.Copy !req
336. - SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE
MONKEY JUNKIE.Copy !req
337. NO!Copy !req
338. - I THOUGHT ONCE WE GOT BOOBS
IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.Copy !req
339. - YOU'RE NOT REAL!Copy !req
340. - YOU DON'T NEED TO QUIT.Copy !req
341. WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
IS FEED ME NOW!Copy !req
342. FEED ME!Copy !req
343. - POOR JACKIE.Copy !req
344. NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENEDCopy !req
345. IF YOU'D LEARNED GEOMETRY LIKE
A SMART PERSON, A DUKE PERSON.Copy !req
346. - PLEASE.Copy !req
347. I JUST NEED ONE MORE QUARTER.Copy !req
348. NO!Copy !req
349. NO, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.Copy !req
350. NO!Copy !req
351. NO!Copy !req
352. NO, NO!Copy !req
353. PLEASE, NO!Copy !req
354. - YOU KNOW, HAYLEY,
IT'S IRONIC.Copy !req
355. ADDICTION HAS SPAWNED SOME OF
HISTORY'S GREATEST ARTISTS.Copy !req
356. POE, KESEY, HASSELHOFF.Copy !req
357. - MORNING.Copy !req
358. YOU CAN ALL BREATHE.Copy !req
359. I'M CLEAN AND SOBER.Copy !req
360. GROUP HUG?Copy !req
361. - WHAT IS HUG?Copy !req
362. - HE'S GONNA NEED SOME TIME.Copy !req
363. - THANKS FOR THE TOUGH LOVE.Copy !req
364. I NEEDED IT.Copy !req
365. BUT NOW I'M READY TO GET BACK
TO EVERY DAY LIFE.Copy !req
366. FROM THE RANDY?Copy !req
367. - MOM, YOU COWARD.Copy !req
368. I HEAR YOU'VE GONE INTO HIDING
SINCE I THREW DOWN THE GAUNTLET.Copy !req
369. I SHALL BE MONKEY BRIDGE
CHAMP FOREVER!Copy !req
370. - WHAT A LOSER.Copy !req
371. YOU SHOULD SEE THIS GUY.Copy !req
372. HE BASICALLY WASTED
HIS WHOLE LIFECopy !req
373. PLAYING THIS STUPID GAME.Copy !req
374. THAT IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN TO ME.Copy !req
375. I'LL JUST BE ONE SECOND.Copy !req
376. - SHE'S GONNA DROP A COUPLE
OF MONKEYS OFF THE BRIDGE.Copy !req
377. DOES THAT INTRIGUE YOU?Copy !req
378. MOM'S COMING FOR YOU, RANDY,Copy !req
379. AND SHE'S GONNA SPANK YOU.Copy !req
380. - AM I TOO LATE?Copy !req
381. PLEASE TELL ME I DIDN'T MISS IT.Copy !req
382. - RANDY LIKES TO
MAKE AN ENTRANCE.Copy !req
383. DUDE'S A MASTER SHOWMAN.Copy !req
384. - AH! WAH!
AHH!Copy !req
385. SO THIS IS MOM.Copy !req
386. THE MERE MORTAL WHO DARES
TO DO BATTLE WITH THE RANDY.Copy !req
387. - OKAY, WHAT ARE WE
GOING FOR HERE?Copy !req
388. A MEDIEVAL THING,
GREEK MYTHOLOGY, STAR WARS?Copy !req
389. WHAT?Copy !req
390. - IT'S MY OWN BLEND.Copy !req
391. WHAT, YOU NO LIKE?Copy !req
392. - IT'S TAKING EVERY OUNCE
OF STRENGTHCopy !req
393. NOT TO SPANK YOU
WITH YOUR OWN CANE.Copy !req
394. - YOU AND I AREN'T
THAT DIFFERENT, MOM.Copy !req
395. WE BOTH KNOW NOTHING'S
MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE GAME.Copy !req
396. - LET'S FINISH THIS.Copy !req
397. - THE MORAL DILEMMA OF
RASKOLNIKOV BURNS WITHIN US ALL.Copy !req
398. - THIS CAN'T BE GOOD.Copy !req
399. HE'S LEARNING ON HIS OWN.Copy !req
400. - YES, BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE,Copy !req
401. IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER
SEEN A MARTIN MAN READ A BOOK.Copy !req
402. - WHAT HAPPENED?Copy !req
403. - I GOT REJECTED FROM DUKE.Copy !req
404. - I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALREADY IN.Copy !req
405. - I ASSUMED IT WAS
JUST A FORMALITY.Copy !req
406. I'M A FOURTH GENERATION LEGACY.Copy !req
407. I DIDN'T APPLY ANYWHERE ELSE.Copy !req
408. - HASN'T SHE HEARD OF
A SAFETY SCHOOL?Copy !req
409. - THAT'S WHY TUFTS WAS INVENTED.Copy !req
410. - THIS HAS TO BE A MISTAKE.Copy !req
411. IT'S COMMON TO ACCIDENTALLY
INSERT THE WORD "NOT"Copy !req
412. INTO AN ACCEPTANCE LETTER,
RIGHT?Copy !req
413. UH, WE CAN JUST DRIVE
TO DUKE RIGHT NOW,Copy !req
414. AND WE'LL FIX THIS
OBVIOUS CLERICAL ERROR.Copy !req
415. WHO AM I KIDDING?Copy !req
416. DUKE DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES!Copy !req
417. - HAYLEY, IT'LL BE OKAY.Copy !req
418. I DIDN'T GET INTO DUKE,
AND LOOK HOW MY LIFE TURNED OUT.Copy !req
419. NOW I HAVE MY OWN
DENTAL PRACTICE IN MY CARCopy !req
420. WHICH DOUBLES AS MY HOME.Copy !req
421. - YOU'RE NOT HELPING.Copy !req
422. - MAYBE YOUR MOTHER CAN TALK
SOME LADY SENSE INTO HER.Copy !req
423. WHERE IS SHE?Copy !req
424. - SHE'S GONE.Copy !req
425. - I'LL TRY HER CELL PHONE.Copy !req
426. HI, THIS IS JACKIE.Copy !req
427. I CAN'T COME TO
THE PHONE.Copy !req
428. YOU KNOW THE DRILL.Copy !req
429. - SHE'S NOT ANSWERING.Copy !req
430. WE'RE DOOMED!Copy !req
431. - I HAVE AN IDEA.Copy !req
432. LET'S CALL ERASMUS.Copy !req
433. - OKAY, FALSE ALARM.Copy !req
434. WE'RE NOT DOOMED ANYMORE.Copy !req
435. - AND WE'RE BACK TO DOOMED.Copy !req
436. - GO ANY FURTHER, TIMMY,
AND I BREAK OFF YOUR FINGERS.Copy !req
437. - PARKING LOT.Copy !req
438. ERASMUS SPEAKING.Copy !req
439. - THIS IS GLENN MARTIN.Copy !req
440. I NEED TO SPEAK TO JACKIE.Copy !req
441. I'LL GIVE YOU TEN BUCKS
IF YOU'LL RELAY THIS MESSAGE.Copy !req
442. - WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?Copy !req
443. - RELAY THIS MESSAGE.Copy !req
444. - BEFORE THAT.
- GLENN MARTIN?Copy !req
445. - AFTER THAT.
- TEN BUCKS.Copy !req
446. - SWEET HIERONYMOUS BOSCH!Copy !req
447. HEY, VIDEO GAME JACKIE.Copy !req
448. YOUR FAMILY IS IN A PICKLE,
AND I DO NOT MEAN KOSHER DILL.Copy !req
449. SHE'S NOT RESPONDING,Copy !req
450. BUT THAT DOES NOT NEGATE
OUR CONTRACT VIS-A-VIS THE $10.Copy !req
451. - DANGER, DANGER, DANGER.Copy !req
452. - CAN YOU PUT US ON SPEAKER?Copy !req
453. MOM, HELP US.Copy !req
454. HAYLEY DIDN'T GET INTO DUKE.Copy !req
455. SHE'S HAVING A MELTDOWN.Copy !req
456. WE'RE STUCK ON A BRIDGE.Copy !req
457. DAD DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.Copy !req
458. - IT'S TRUE.
I DON'T.Copy !req
459. - MOMMY, HELP.Copy !req
460. WE NEED YOU.Copy !req
461. - WHAT?Copy !req
462. MY KIDS NEED ME?Copy !req
463. - WHERE ARE YOU GOING?Copy !req
464. YOU'RE BEATING RANDY.Copy !req
465. YOU CAN'T STOP NOW.Copy !req
466. - THERE ARE MORE
IMPORTANT THINGS THAN THIS GAME.Copy !req
467. MY FAMILY NEEDS ME.Copy !req
468. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHERE THEY ARE?Copy !req
469. - DO THEY LIVE IN A TOOTHBRUSH
MOBILE THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS?Copy !req
470. - YES, THAT'S IT.Copy !req
471. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
472. - I'LL HELP YOU ALONG, RED.Copy !req
473. - MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE HIRED ME
AFTER ALL.Copy !req
474. - NOT A GOOD TIME, CHEWBACCA.Copy !req
475. - BUT I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.Copy !req
476. A LIFETIME OF
PERFECT ATTENDANCE.Copy !req
477. I GIVE HAIRCUTS
TO HOMELESS ANIMALS.Copy !req
478. I TUTOR DUMB CHILDREN IN A VAN!Copy !req
479. - HAYLEY, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.Copy !req
480. - TAKE THAT.Copy !req
481. TAKE IT!
YES.Copy !req
482. - OR KEEP STABBING STUFF.Copy !req
483. I'LL BE WEEPING IN THE CLOSET.Copy !req
484. - AH!Copy !req
485. AHH!Copy !req
486. - WHOA!Copy !req
487. - JEEVES-BOT,
THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.Copy !req
488. USE YOUR ROBOT STRENGTH
TO FREE US.Copy !req
489. - ONLY PERFECT CREATIONS
LIKE ROBOTS AND TOASTERSCopy !req
490. DESERVE TO EXIST.Copy !req
491. GOOD LUCK, CHUMPS.Copy !req
492. - COURTNEY, I WARNED YOU.Copy !req
493. NOW LOOK AT THE TROUBLE
WE'RE IN.Copy !req
494. YOU'RE FINISHED, MOM.Copy !req
495. WAIT, WHY ISN'T
ANYBODY WATCHING?Copy !req
496. HOW MUCH DUKE STUFF
DOES SHE HAVE?Copy !req
497. HAYLEY, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.Copy !req
498. - THAT'S IT.Copy !req
499. OH!Copy !req
500. - THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.Copy !req
501. WE NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER.Copy !req
502. - OH, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD
IT FEELS TO HEAR THAT.Copy !req
503. - MOM, CONOR THINKS
HE'S A ROBOT.Copy !req
504. WE CAN'T SNAP HIM OUT OF IT.Copy !req
505. - CONOR, YOU'RE NOT A ROBOT!Copy !req
506. HAYLEY, I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.Copy !req
507. - MY PERFECT LIFE IS RUINED.Copy !req
508. - I UNDERSTAND.Copy !req
509. WOMEN LIKE US PUT TOO MUCH
PRESSURE ON OURSELVESCopy !req
510. TO BE PERFECT,Copy !req
511. WHETHER WE'RE BRIGHT
18-YEAR-OLDS STRIVING TO ATTENDCopy !req
512. ONE OF THE BEST UNIVERSITIES
IN AMERICACopy !req
513. OR HOT 40-YEAR-OLD MOMS TRYING
TO MASTER JUNIOR HIGH GEOMETRY.Copy !req
514. WE NEED TO ALLOW OURSELVES
TO FAIL ONCE IN A WHILE.Copy !req
515. THAT'S HOW WE BECOME
BETTER PEOPLE.Copy !req
516. - YOU REALLY THINK SO?Copy !req
517. - I THINK WE BOTH DESERVE A HUG.Copy !req
518. KILL SCREEN, SUCKA!Copy !req
519. - I'M GONNA MISS HAYLEY.Copy !req
520. SHE INSPIRED ME TO BE
A BETTER MAN.Copy !req
521. - YOU CAN STOP SUCKING IN
YOUR GUT NOW.Copy !req
522. - OH, THANK GOD.Copy !req
523. HONEY, I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACKCopy !req
524. COMPLAINING.Copy !req
525. - THAT REMINDS ME.Copy !req
526. WE'RE DONE WITH GEOMETRY
FOR A WHILE.Copy !req
527. GOOD NEWS,
YOU ALL PASSED.Copy !req
528. - WHAT'S GEOMETRY?Copy !req
529. AND WHY IS MY UNDERWEAR
FILLED WITH NICKELS?Copy !req
530. - DON'T YOU FEEL SAFER
NOW THAT OLD DUMB CONOR IS BACK?Copy !req