1. - THAT'S ME, GLENN MARTIN,
FATHER, DENTIST, HOMBRE,
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2. BUT MOSTLY FATHER
AND DENTIST.
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3. I TOOK MY FAMILY ON A ROAD TRIP
SO WE CAN GROW CLOSER.
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4. WELL, THAT, AND I BURNED
THE HOUSE DOWN.
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5. SO IT'S ME,
MY WIFE, JACKIE—
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6. SHE'S THE SWEETEST—
OH!
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7. OUR SON, CONOR;
HE'S UNIQUE,
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8. HIS SISTER, COURTNEY—
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9. WE'LL ALL BE WORKING
FOR HER ONE DAY.
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10. IN FACT, HER ASSISTANT WENDY
ALREADY IS.
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11. AND THERE'S CANINE.
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12. HE'LL BE STICKIN' AROUND.
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13. WANT TO HEAR US WHISTLE?
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14. MUST GET HOME.
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15. - HA!
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16. - AT LAST, I HAVE THE PLEASURE
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17. OF KILLING THE GREAT
CAPTAIN KYLE.
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18. MAYBE YOU'LL PUT UP A FIGHT,
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19. UNLIKE YOUR ENSIGN.
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20. - EH, UGH!
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21. FAREWELL, CRUEL UNIVERSE.
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22. - GUH!
HAH!
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23. ANY LAST WORDS?
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24. YOU LOSE.
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25. PRINCESS QUADRAX!
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26. WHAT A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT!
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27. - AND I'M "UDDERLY" HAPPY
TO SEE YOU.
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28. - AND SCENE.
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29. - OH, OH, OOH.
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30. - I SAID, "SCENE," PETER.
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31. - AW, WE'RE DONE PLAYING?
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32. - PLAYING?
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33. WE'RE REENACTING A SCENE
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34. FROM A 40-YEAR-OLD KID'S SHOW.
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35. HE MAKES IT SOUND
SO JUVENILE.
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36. - GUYS, MAYBE WE SHOULD
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37. TAKE THE BATTERY
OUT OF THE STUN GUN NEXT TIME.
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38. - I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LET
OUR HUSBANDS DRAG US TO AKRON
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39. FOR THIS STUPID
COSMO CON CONVENTION EVERY YEAR.
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40. - I THINK IT'S CUTE,
YOU KNOW,
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41. IN A "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT GUY
FIGURED OUT
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42. HOW TO GIVE ME CHILDREN"
KIND OF WAY.
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43. - EVERY TIME BRANDON FORCES ME
TO GO TO ONE OF THESE THINGS,
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44. I MAKE HIM BUY ME SOMETHING.
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45. 2007.
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46. 2008.
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47. - I WON'T SHOW YOU
WHAT I GOT PIERCED FOR 2009.
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48. I WON'T SHOW BRANDON EITHER.
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49. SO WHAT DID GLENN BUY YOU?
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50. - UM...
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51. - OH, HONEY.
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52. THE MINUTE YOU LET HIM
TAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
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53. FOR GRANTED, IT'S OVER.
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54. - GLENN'S NOT LIKE THAT.
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55. HE PUTS OUR RELATIONSHIP
ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
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56. - GUYS, IF WE'RE GONNA WIN,
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57. WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT
REHEARSAL ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
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58. - BUT YOU'RE NOT REHEARSING
TOMORROW, RIGHT?
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59. - OF COURSE NOT.
WHY NOT?
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60. - IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY.
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61. - OF COURSE.
ANNIVERSARY OF WHAT?
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62. - YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
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63. - FORGIVE ME WHILE I GASP.
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64. - PLAY THIS RIGHT, YOU CAN GET
A PAIR OF DIAMOND
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65. FRANKENSTEIN STUDS LIKE THESE.
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66. - OH, CAPTAIN KYLE, TAKE ME.
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67. - I DON'T GET IT.
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68. TAKE HER WHERE?
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69. - OH, I'LL TELL YOU
WHERE HE TOOK HER.
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70. ACTUALLY, I HAVE NO IDEA.
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71. - IT'S INTERESTING.
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72. WHEN KYLE FIGHTS A MAN,
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73. THEY'RE ALWAYS STANDING UP,
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74. BUT WHEN HE FIGHTS A WOMAN,
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75. THEY'RE ALWAYS
ON A BEARSKIN RUG.
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76. - UH, YOU WANT TO HANDLE
THIS ONE, DR. MARTIN?
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77. - NOT REALLY.
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78. ISN'T THAT MORE OF A JOB
FOR A PARENT OR A DOCTOR?
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79. OH, RIGHT.
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80. KIDS, TOMORROW WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A LITTLE SOMETHING
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81. CALLED "THE TALK."
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82. NOT THE TALK!
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83. - WHAT'S THE TALK?
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84. - ALL I'M GONNA TELL YOU IS THAT
KIDS WHO GO IN FOR THE TALK
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85. NEVER COME OUT THE SAME.
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86. - HOW COULD YOU FORGET
OUR ANNIVERSARY IS TOMORROW?
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87. - IT'S TOMORROW?
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88. - THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING
TODAY,
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89. ESPECIALLY AFTER SEEING
EVERYTHING
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90. BRANDON DOES FOR MARSHA.
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91. I'M BEGINNING TO THINK YOU TAKE
OUR RELATIONSHIP FOR GRANTED.
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92. - JACKIE, I SAID I WAS SORRY.
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93. WHAT MORE COULD I POSSIBLY DO
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94. WITHOUT ACTUALLY
DOING SOMETHING?
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95. - THAT'S THE POINT.
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96. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER
THAN WORDS.
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97. YA!
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98. OOH.
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99. - IT WOULD BE NICE
IF JUST ONE DAY A YEAR
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100. YOU PUT A LITTLE EFFORT
INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP.
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101. - OKAY, I COULD DO THAT.
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102. HOW ABOUT OUR ANNIVERSARY?
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103. THAT'S COMING UP SOON, RIGHT?
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104. - OH, YEAH.
TELL YOU WHAT.
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105. TOMORROW I'M GONNA PLAN
SOMETHING FANTASTIC.
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106. IN FACT, I'M MAKING A NOTE
RIGHT HERE.
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107. "ANNIVERSARY."
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108. - AW, THAT'S THE GLENN MARTIN
I FELL IN LOVE WITH.
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109. - UGH!
EGH!
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110. - AND THAT'S THE GLENN MARTIN
I MARRIED.
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111. - HEY!
WHAT THE—
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112. - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, JACKIE!
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113. - OH, GLENN, YOU REMEMBERED.
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114. - OF COURSE.
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115. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME
FIVE TIMES.
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116. FOUR DID THE TRICK.
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117. - OH, GLENN, ARE YOU SURE
YOU CAN HANDLE TONIGHT?
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118. BECAUSE IF YOU WANT
TO BOUNCE ANYTHING OFF ME—
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119. - GOT IT ALL PLANNED.
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120. I'M TAKING YOU TO A SHOW.
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121. - A SHOW?
YOU ALREADY GOT TICKETS?
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122. - OF COURSE I GOT TICKETS.
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123. YOU CAN'T GET INTO A SHOW
WITHOUT TICKETS,
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124. UNLESS YOU SNEAK IN
THROUGH THE BACK,
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125. WHICH YOU ARE...
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126. NOT COOL WITH?
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127. - I'LL GET THE TICKETS.
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128. - NO, I'LL GET THE TICKETS.
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129. - ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS SLIP
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130. INTO THIS SEXY LITTLE NUMBER
TONIGHT.
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131. - THAT'S CONOR'S
CHRISTENING GOWN.
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132. - WE COULD CHRISTEN IT.
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133. TICKETS, TICKETS...
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134. - DAD, DON'T FORGET
TO GIVE US THE TALK.
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135. - DON'T REMIND HIM, STUPID!
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136. - OH, RIGHT, THE TALK.
ALMOST FORGOT.
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137. LET ME INTRODUCE YOU
TO A LITTLE BOOK
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138. MY FATHER USED WHEN HE TAUGHT ME
THE FACTS OF LIFE,
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139. DADDY PUT WHAT IN WHERE?
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140. WHEN MOMMY AND DADDY
FIND EACH OTHER GROOVY,
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141. THEY PUT ON A ROMANTIC LP,
TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES, AND...
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142. OH, I FORGOT,
IT'S A POP-UP BOOK.
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143. - OH, HANG ON.
IT GETS WORSE.
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144. - TICKETS, TICKETS...
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145. OOH, THE TOURING SHOW
OF WICKED,
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146. STARRING THREE PEOPLE WHO WERE
VOTED OFF AMERICAN IDOL.
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147. - GLENN, WILL YOU TELL PETER
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148. THAT MY CHARACTER ISN'T HIDING
BEHIND A BOULDER
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149. BUT IS, IN FACT, WEARING
AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK?
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150. - THEN WHERE WAS THE CLOAK
IN THE PREVIOUS SCENE, BRANDON?
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151. WHERE WAS IT
IN THE PREVIOUS SCENE?
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152. - GUYS, THE ACTOR
WHO PLAYED CYRELL
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153. IS SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS
AT THE HOTEL.
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154. WE CAN GO RIGHT TO THE SOURCE.
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155. - BRILLIANT!
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156. I BET IF WE KIDNAP HIM
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157. AND THREATEN TO KILL HIS DOG,
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158. HE'D BE FORCED TO TELL US.
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159. - OR WE CAN WAIT IN LINE
AND ASK HIM.
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160. - IT'S 16 BUCKS TO GET IN.
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161. - RUN ME THROUGH
THAT DOG PLAN AGAIN.
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162. - I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST GOT
CYRELL'S AUTOGRAPH.
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163. - WOW, SEVEN HOURS IN LINE
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164. AND IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT.
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165. IN MY MIND I NEVER IMAGINED
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166. HIS CHARACTER SMELLED
SO STRONGLY OF RUM.
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167. GO FOR CAPTAIN KYLE.
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168. - GLENN, IT'S ALMOST 7:00.
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169. DON'T WE HAVE TO LEAVE
FOR THE SHOW?
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170. - IT'S 7:00 ALREADY?
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171. - TIME FLIES ON MEEPZORP,
THE MUD PLANET.
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172. - I'LL BE RIGHT THERE,
HIGHEST PRIORITY OF MY LIFE.
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173. CRAP, I GOT TO BUY TICKETS
FOR SOMETHING!
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174. - GALLAGHER,
THE GUY WHO SMASHES WATERMELONS?
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175. - WELL, NOT THE GALLAGHER.
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176. HE SOLD HIS ACT
TO PETER GALLAGHER.
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177. HAT?
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178. - ALLOW ME TO DO MY FAVORITE
SCENE FROM THE O.C.
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179. WELCOME TO THE O.C., PEACH.
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180. - OW!
PEACH PIT?
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181. - JACKIE, YOU'RE THINKING
OF 90210, SO RUDE.
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182. - THIS IS THE BIG EVENT
YOU PLANNED?
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183. - THIS IS FOR THE AGENT
THAT DROPPED ME FROM C.A.A.
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184. - THIS IS NOT SOMETHING
I FRANTICALLY SLAPPED TOGETHER
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185. WHILE YOU WAITED IN THE TAXI.
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186. - THIS IS AMERICA'S FAVORITE DAD
FROM THE O.C.,
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187. BESIDES TATE DONOVAN.
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188. - ADMIT IT—YOU FORGOT
OUR ANNIVERSARY AGAIN,
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189. AFTER ALL WE TALKED ABOUT!
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190. - BUT, JACKIE...
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191. - I'M TALKING TO YOU.
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192. NO, LET'S JUST WATCH A MAN
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193. DESTROY FOOD FOR TEPID LAUGHTER
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194. WHILE A BILLION CHILDREN STARVE
AROUND THE WORLD.
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195. - JACKIE, I SWEAR, I WILL NEVER
FORGET ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY
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196. AS LONG AS I LIVE.
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197. - THIS IS FOR THE GUY
WHO SAID I WAS TOO HAIRY
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198. TO PLAY CHANDLER ON FRIENDS.
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199. UGH!
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200. - I'M SEARING "ANNIVERSARY"
INTO MY BRAIN.
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201. LOOK.
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202. ANNIVERSARY, ANNIVERSARY,
ANNIVERSARY.
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203. - AND THIS IS FOR GALLAGHER,
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204. FOR TELLING ME THIS ACT
WAS A MONEY MACHINE.
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205. - GLENN!
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206. - IF I HAD TWO EYEBROWS,
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207. I'D RAISE ONE OF THEM
RIGHT NOW.
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208. - DON'T WORRY.
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209. I'VE SEEN THIS INJURY
QUITE A BIT
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210. SINCE PETER GALLAGHER
TOOK OVER THE ACT.
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211. - WILL HE BE OKAY?
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212. - OH, NO, HIS CAREER IS DEAD.
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213. - NO, MY HUSBAND,
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214. THE INJURED MAN
I ENTERED WITH.
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215. - WELL, HE TOOK A PRETTY GOOD
WALLOP TO THE BRAIN BONE.
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216. TAKE A LOOK.
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217. SEE, THE AREA OF THE BRAINAGE
THAT PERCEIVES TIME IS STUCK.
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218. HE MAY SUFFER SHORT-TERM
MEMORY LOSS FOR A FEW WEEKS.
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219. - HOW LONG IS HE GONNA BE
IN THE HOSPITAL?
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220. - HOW GOOD IS YOUR INSURANCE?
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221. - NOT GOOD.
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222. - SLIDE HIM OUT!
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223. - COME ON, DEAR.
LET'S GET YOU HOME.
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224. - OH...
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225. - HMM...
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226. I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS.
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227. - AH!
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228. - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, JACKIE.
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229. - ANNIVERSARY?
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230. GLENN, THAT WAS YESTERDAY.
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231. - NO, IT WASN'T.
IT'S TODAY.
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232. HUH, THIS MUST HAVE FALLEN OFF.
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233. ANYWAY, TONIGHT I'M GIVING YOU
THE MOST ROMANTIC NIGHT
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234. OF YOUR LIFE.
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235. NOW, WHAT WHERE YOU SAYING?
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236. - UM, JUST...
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237. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
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238. - ALL RIGHT,
BREAKFAST IS SERVED,
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239. FOR MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
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240. ON THE ANNIVERSARY
OF OUR ANNIVERSARY.
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241. NOW, YOU JUST SIT
ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL BUTT
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242. AND STUFF YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE.
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243. I'LL GET THE FIREPLACE POKER
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244. AND SCRAPE THOSE PANCAKES
OFF THE CEILING.
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245. - HUH.
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246. - I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE
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247. OF DR. MARTIN'S HEAD INJURY
LIKE THIS.
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248. - LOOK, DR. MARTIN'S GIVEN ME
15 YEARS
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249. OF DISAPPOINTING ANNIVERSARIES.
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250. CAN'T I HAVE JUST ONE
THAT'S BETTER THAN TERRIBLE?
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251. - WHATEVER, AS LONG AS IT
DOESN'T AFFECT ME.
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252. - OH, KIDS, ALMOST FORGOT.
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253. WE NEED TO HAVE
THAT BIRDS AND BEES TALK
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254. THAT I'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF
FOR SO LONG.
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255. - BUT, DAD, WE JUST HAD
THIS TALK YESTERDAY.
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256. - NICE TRY.
I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT.
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257. NOW, KIDS, WHEN A MAN
LOVES A WOMAN,
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258. OR AT LEAST TELLS HER HE DOES—
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259. - I'M TELLING YOU, WE ALREADY
KNOW THE BASICS.
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260. - NO NEED TO GO ANY FURTHER.
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261. - OH, I SEE.
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262. YOU NEED SOMETHING
MORE ADVANCED.
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263. WELL, MAYBE THIS COMPUTER COULD
BE OF SOME ASSISTANCE.
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264. GOOGLING "SEX" AND "TALK."
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265. "ENTER."
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266. - HI, I'M VANESSA.
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267. HERE'S JUST A FEW OF THE THINGS
I'LL DO
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268. AFTER YOU ENTER
A CREDIT CARD NUMBER.
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269. - WHOOPS!
I'LL JUST TURN THIS OFF.
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270. - EW!
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271. - ESCAPE!
ESCAPE!
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272. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME ESCAPE?
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273. OKAY, FIVE MINUTE BREAK
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274. WHILE WE CLEAN THE PLASMA
OFF THE WALL.
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275. VOILA.
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276. OR, AS WE SAY IN AMERICA,
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277. VIOLA.
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278. - THIS IS SO WONDERFUL.
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279. AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED
COSMO CON ONCE.
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280. - AH, I STILL HAVE A COUPLE
OF DAYS TO REHEARSE.
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281. BUT OUR ANNIVERSARY ONLY HAPPENS
ONCE A YEAR.
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282. CONOR, CUE THE SHOOTING STAR!
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283. - THIS IS SO ROMANTIC.
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284. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU HAD IT IN YOU.
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285. - OH, YEAH.
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286. IN FACT, I DID
THE EXACT SAME SET-UP
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287. FOR MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND,
SUSAN NAPIER.
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288. - WHAT?
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289. - NOW, THAT WAS
A GOOD-LOOKING WOMAN.
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290. DON'T MAKE THEM LIKE THAT
ANYMORE.
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291. UH-OH, I KNOW THAT LOOK.
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292. THAT'S THE LOOK SUSAN GAVE ME
WHEN I TALKED ABOUT DONNA.
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293. NOW, DONNA—
VA-VA-VOOM.
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294. - YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M OUT.
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295. - UH-OH.
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296. WHOA-OH-OH-OH!
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297. - MAYBE WE'LL JUST TRY
THIS ANNIVERSARY THING
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298. ONE MORE TIME.
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299. - HEY, I WAS TRYING
TO ENJOY THE NEWSPAPER
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300. WHILE THEY STILL MAKE THEM.
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301. - WE CAN'T HAVE TODAY'S PAPER
IN THE RV.
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302. AS FAR AS DR. MARTIN KNOWS,
IT'S STILL THE 12TH.
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303. - JACKIE, CAN GLENN COME OUT
AND REHEARSE?
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304. - BEAT IT, NERDS.
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305. - AH, MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
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306. ON THE ANNIVERSARY
OF OUR ANNIVERSARY.
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307. I HAVE THE MOST ROMANTIC EVENING
PLANNED.
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308. - WHAT A WONDERFUL SURPRISE!
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309. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE
WHAT YOU'VE PLANNED.
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310. NOTHING YOU USED
ON ANOTHER WOMAN, RIGHT?
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311. - I HAVE THE SECOND
MOST ROMANTIC EVENING PLANNED.
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312. WHOA, WHOA, WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
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313. WE HAVE TO HAVE THE TALK.
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314. - NO, PLEASE!
- NOT THE TALK!
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315. - DON'T WORRY—AT LEAST YOU ONLY
HAVE TO DO THIS ONCE.
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316. - NOW, SOMEHOW,
THIS BOOK GOT BURNT
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317. AND THE COMPUTER'S BROKEN,
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318. SO I'VE DECIDED
TO ACT THINGS OUT
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319. USING YOUR BELOVED
CHILDHOOD DOLLS.
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320. WHEN HENRIETTA
AND FLOPPITY FREDDIE
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321. HAVE LOVING FEELINGS
FOR EACH OTHER,
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322. FLOPPITY FREDDIE BECOMES, EH...
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323. UN-FLOPPITY.
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324. - I HAVE HAD YOU SINCE INFANCY!
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325. - OH, GLENN,
THIS REVOLVING RESTAURANT,
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326. IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL IDEA.
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327. - WELL, THANK YOU.
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328. ALTHOUGH, I REALLY SHOULDN'T
TAKE CREDIT FOR INVENTING IT.
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329. - YOU REALLY PUT TOGETHER
A LOVELY ANNIVERSARY.
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330. - SURPRISED, HUH?
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331. I BET YOU THOUGHT
I WASN'T GONNA PULL IT—
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332. HOLY COW, THAT WAS EXPENSIVE.
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333. - GLENN,
IT WAS A LOVELY EVENING.
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334. PLEASE DON'T RUIN IN.
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335. - YOU JUST HAD TO ORDER
THE BOTTLED WATER.
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336. YOU COULDN'T GET A LITTLE
TAP WATER FROM THE BATHROOM?
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337. - IT'S OKAY.
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338. WE'LL JUST KEEP DOING THIS
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339. TILL HE GETS IT RIGHT.
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340. OW!
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341. - AND NOW TO MAKE MY HONEY
EVEN SWEETER.
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342. - OH, MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
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343. ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF OUR...
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344. OOH, YOU KNOW, MAYBE I WON'T
WEAR MY CONTACTS TONIGHT.
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345. SO YOU READY
FOR THE NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE?
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346. - I'VE BEEN READY FOR QUITE
SOME TIME NOW, GLENN.
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347. - WELL, I'M GONNA POP
INTO THE SHOWER, THEN,
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348. AND SLIP INTO
MY GAME DAY BOXERS.
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349. - HEY, JACKIE.
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350. WOOF.
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351. - IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER,
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352. I'D SAY YOU WERE
IN A BALLOONING ACCIDENT,
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353. THROWN INTO A BED OR ROSES,
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354. AND ATTACKED
BY A SWARM OF ANTS.
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355. - IT WAS A SWARM OF BEES.
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356. - IS GLENN READY?
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357. THE CONVENTION BLASTS OFF
IN T-MINUS 30.
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358. - AND GLENN AND I HAVEN'T
REHEARSED OUR KISS ALL WEEK.
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359. I HAD TO PRACTICE ON MY WIFE.
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360. - RIGHT, YOUR NERDICON
PERFORMANCE IS TONIGHT.
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361. OH, SORRY, GUYS,
BUT GLENN IS SICK.
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362. - OH, NO.
WHAT'S HE GOT?
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363. - HE CAME DOWN
WITH A BAD CASE OF COOL.
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364. - MRS. MARTIN, DR. MARTIN
WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT
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365. FOR MONTHS UNTIL YOU TURNED HIM
INTO A ZOMBIE.
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366. - HE'S NOT A ZOMBIE.
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367. ZOMBIES EAT BRAINS.
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368. - LOOK, MRS. MARTIN—
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369. - NO, YOU LOOK.
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370. I DESERVE THIS.
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371. SO WHAT IF I'M KEEPING GLENN
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372. IN A PERPETUAL STATE
OF YESTERDAY?
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373. IT'S NO WORSE THAN WHAT
THE PRODUCERS OF WEBSTER
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374. DID TO EMMANUEL LEWIS.
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375. - FORGIVE ME
IF I DON'T UNDERSTAND
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376. YOUR 50-YEAR-OLD REFERENCES.
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377. - I AM THIS CLOSE TO HAVING
THE PERFECT ANNIVERSARY.
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378. TONIGHT WE'RE RE-CREATING
THE ENDING
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379. OF SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE
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380. ON TOP OF THE AKRON
FIRST NATIONAL TOWER.
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381. IT MIGHT NOT BE AS MAJESTIC
AS THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING,
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382. BUT IT DOES HAVE
TWICE AS MANY SUICIDES.
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383. - WOW, IF I WASN'T LIVING
FOR FREE UNDER YOUR ROOF...
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384. - JUST TELL DR. MARTIN
I'LL BE WAITING FOR HIM
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385. ON THE OBSERVATION DECK.
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386. AND YOU CAN SHAKE YOUR HEAD
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387. BEHIND MY BACK ALL YOU WANT,
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388. BECAUSE I AM NOT TURNING AROUND.
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389. OH, DAMN IT!
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390. WHY DID I TURN AROUND?
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391. - ALL RIGHT, KIDS,
I'M OFF TO ROMANCE MOMMY.
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392. FANCY DINNER, BOTTLE OF WINE,
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393. AND THEN YOU KNOW
WHAT COMES NEXT.
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394. WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU DON'T,
WHICH REMINDS ME.
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395. WE NEED TO HAVE THE TALK.
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396. NO!
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397. - KIDS, I AM NOT LEAVING
UNTIL WE HAVE THE TALK!
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398. - YOU'LL BE SAFE IN HERE,
MR. MONK-MONK.
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399. WE HAVE TO GET DAD
BACK TO NORMAL.
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400. - BUT ACCORDING TO MOM,
THERE'S NO WAY TO REVERSE IT.
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401. - YOU KNOW,
ON DESTINATION COSMOS
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402. WHEN CAPTAIN KYLE WAS STUCK
IN AN ANTI-TIME LOOP,
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403. HIS CREW REVERSED IT
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404. WITH A COUNTER-POSITIVE
THERMAL CHARGE.
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405. - SPEAK ENGLISH, NERD.
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406. PIP-PIP, GUV'NUH.
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407. ON DESTINATION COSMOS—
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408. - AMERICAN ENGLISH!
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409. - WE NEED TO HIT HIM
ON THE HEAD AGAIN.
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410. - PETER GALLA—
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411. OOF!
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412. - HERE YOU GO.
TEN BUCKS.
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413. - THANKS.
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414. DON'T TELL MY AGENT I'M WORKING
FOR HALF MY QUOTE.
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415. - ARE YOU OKAY, THERE,
SUNSHINE?
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416. YOU'VE BEEN STANDING
ON THAT LEDGE FOR SOME TIME.
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417. NEED A PUSH?
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418. - I'M WAITING
FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL.
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419. - OH!
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420. IS THIS SOMEONE SPECIAL
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421. STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?
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422. - SWEETIE!
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423. - DON'T SWEETIE ME.
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424. I KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS.
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425. THE KIDS EXPLAINED EVERYTHING,
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426. AND PETER GALLAGHER CONFIRMED IT
WITH HIS EYEBROW.
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427. - PLEASE DON'T BE MAD.
I JUST—
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428. - YOU MADE ME MISS COSMO CON,
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429. AND WORSE, YOU LIED TO ME.
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430. I DON'T KNOW
HOW I'LL EVER TRUST YOU AGAIN.
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431. - GLENN, WAIT!
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432. OH...
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433. - I STILL LOVE YOU, BABY.
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434. WHOA!
THIS WINE'S GOT RABIES!
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435. - GUYS, PLEASE.
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436. I'M SORRY I MISSED
THE RE-ENACTMENT.
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437. YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE
WHAT MY WIFE DID TO ME.
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438. - WELL, WELL, WELL,
LOOK WHO IT IS,
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439. CAPTAIN JAMES K. JERK-FACE
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440. OF THE STARSHIP STUPID GUY!
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441. - YEAH, GET IT ALL OUT NOW,
BRANDON,
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442. 'CAUSE ONCE WE GET ON THAT BUS,
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443. NERD LINGO GOES BACK IN THE BOX
FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
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444. - GLENN, DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID
WE LOOKED UP THERE WITHOUT YOU?
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445. OH!
MY MODESTY!
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446. - I DIDN'T MEAN
TO BAIL ON YOU GUYS.
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447. I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO EVERY
BIT OF THAT PERFORMANCE.
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448. - EVEN THE KISS?
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449. - EVEN THE KISS.
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450. - PROVE IT.
- PETER, PLEASE!
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451. ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
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452. I WILL PROVE IT.
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453. THERE'S ONE MORE DAY
OF COMPETITION.
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454. STAY.
WE'LL DO IT TOMORROW.
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455. - FORGET IT.
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456. THERE AREN'T ENOUGH
BLOOD DIAMONDS IN ZIMBABWE
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457. TO KEEP ME HERE.
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458. COME ON!
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459. - SORRY, GLENN.
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460. I HAVE TAP DANCE TOMORROW,
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461. AND MY LESSONS ARE PRE-PAID.
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462. STUPID ZIPPER.
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463. - SO YOU'RE GOING
TO DO THE RE-ENACTMENT
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464. ALL BY YOURSELF?
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465. - I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS
ALL YEAR,
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466. AND YOU TOOK IT AWAY FROM ME.
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467. - I'M SORRY.
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468. OH, AT LEAST LET ME HELP YOU
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469. ZIP UP YOUR UNITARD.
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470. - OH, BECAUSE I HAVE
A HEAD INJURY,
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471. NOW I'M A UNITARD.
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472. YOU ARE SO INSENSITIVE.
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473. - I TOLD YOU I WAS SORRY.
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474. WHAT ELSE COULD I SAY?
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475. - AS SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME,
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476. SOMETIMES WORDS
AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
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477. THAT VERY PERSON
WENT ON TO BETRAY ME.
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478. - OH.
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479. - IN CASE I WASN'T CLEAR,
I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU.
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480. AND BY "YOU," I MEAN JACKIE,
JACKIE MARTIN.
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481. - IT'S OKAY, MRS. MARTIN.
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482. HE'LL BE BACK.
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483. - WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS WRONG
ABOUT EVERYTHING?
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484. LIKE WHEN YOU SAID
LYING TO GLENN
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485. WOULD HAVE NO CONSEQUENCES?
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486. - ACTUALLY, I KIND OF SAID
THE OPPOSITE.
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487. - I FEEL TERRIBLE.
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488. THIS WHOLE WEEK,
I'VE BEEN SO PREOCCUPIED
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489. WITH WHAT GLENN COULD DO FOR ME,
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490. I NEVER CONSIDERED
WHAT I SHOULD DO FOR HIM.
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491. - RIGHT, BECAUSE
YOU'VE BEEN SELFISH.
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492. - UH, WENDY, WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT ME NOW.
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493. OH, IF ONLY THERE WAS
SOME GRAND GESTURE I COULD DO
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494. TO MAKE THIS UP TO GLENN,
ANYTHING.
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495. - INTERESTING.
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496. LOOK WHAT PETER LEFT HERE.
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497. - HMM, ANYTHING AT ALL.
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498. - DR. MARTIN'S GONNA NEED
A CO-STAR.
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499. - UGH.
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500. - ONCE AGAIN,
MR. GEORGE TAKEI.
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501. - THE LAST RE-ENACTMENT
OF THE EVENING
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502. WILL BE GLENN MARTIN
PERFORMING ACT IV SCENE IX
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503. FROM THE QUADRAX EQUATION,
WRITER'S DRAFT, SECOND REVISED.
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504. - THANK YOU, GEORGE TAKEI.
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505. I WILL BE PERFORMING
ALL FOUR PARTS ON MY OWN.
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506. MUST... GET... HOME.
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507. AT LAST, I HAVE THE PLEASURE
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508. OF KILLING
THE GREAT CAPTAIN KYLE.
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509. MAYBE YOU'LL PUT A FIGHT,
UNLIKE YOUR ENSIGN.
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510. - OKAY, NOW I'M PRETENDING
TO BE DEAD.
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511. - BOO!
YOU STINK!
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512. - I WANT MY MOM'S MONEY BACK!
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513. EVERYONE!
PELT HIM WITH APPLES!
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514. - APPLE 2E!
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515. - FIRST-GENERATION
IPOD SHUFFLE!
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516. - UGH!
GUYS, BE PATIENT!
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517. HERE COMES
THE BIG KISSING SCENE.
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518. PRINCESS QUADRAX,
WHAT A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT.
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519. - COME TO THIS PART OF SPACE
OFTEN, CAPTAIN?
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520. - WHOA.
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521. - TOTALLY AWESOME!
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522. - OH, JACKIE, YOU'VE NEVER
LOOKED MORE BEAUTIFUL.
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523. - CALL ME QUADRAX.
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524. IT'S QUADRAX, RIGHT?
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525. - YEAH, QUADRAX.
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526. - WHY IS EVERYONE APPLAUDING?
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527. THEY'RE NOT FOLLOWING THE TEXT!
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528. - WHO CARES?
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529. THIS IS THE FIRST
REAL LIVE WOMAN
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530. TO EVER SET FOOT
IN COSMO CON.
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531. - WELL, THE AUDIENCE HAS SPOKEN.
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532. WE HAVE OUR WINNERS.
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533. A PHOTOGRAPH
WITH THE BELOVED CAPTAIN KYLE.
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534. HOW ABOUT A KISS?
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535. - EW!
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536. - OH, JACKIE,
YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
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537. IT'S MY WILDEST FANTASY.
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538. - OKAY.
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539. NO, NO, GAH!
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540. AND NOW FOR
THE OTHER CAPTAIN KYLE.
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541. - NOW THAT THEY'VE KISSED,
IT'S TIME FOR QUADRAX AND KYLE
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542. TO VIOLENTLY WRESTLE.
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543. - HEY, NERD, IN THAT SCENE
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,
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544. QUADRAX AND KYLE
AIN'T WRESTLING.
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545. - WHAT THEY'RE
REALLY DOING IS...
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546. - THAT'S HIGHLY ILLOGICAL.
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547. - I ALSO DON'T GET THE APPEAL.
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548. - SO, QUADRAX,
READY FOR ME TO...
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549. TAKE YOU TO ANOTHER DIMENSION?
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550. - MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE ME
TO THE E.R. FIRST.
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551. I'M COVERED IN AUTO PAINT.
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