Glenn Martin, DDS 1x14

Directed by Ken Cunningham

The Martins go shopping at the mall for Christmas. Wendy and Courtney find out that their favorite band, "Boy Blitz" are at the mall. Conor gets a job at a candy store, and follows around security guard. Jackie works at a store where she acts like a stripper and pole dances to get men to buy products, and Glenn gets jealous. Meanwhile, Courtney and Wendy discover the truth of the Boy Blitz band. First and only appearances of Miss Trisha, Boy Blitz, Pastry salesman, Security guards, Sam Shipiro, and guy mauled by bear.

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1. - THAT'S ME, GLENN MARTIN, FATHER, DENTIST, LOVER,

2. BUT MOSTLY FATHER AND DENTIST.

3. I TOOK MY FAMILY ON A ROAD TRIP SO WE CAN GROW CLOSER.

4. WELL, THAT, AND I BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN.

5. SO IT'S ME, MY WIFE, JACKIE—

6. SHE'S THE SWEETEST— OH!

7. OUR SON, CONOR, THE LADIES' MAN,

8. HIS SISTER, COURTNEY—

9. WE'LL ALL BE WORKING FOR HER ONE DAY.

10. IN FACT, HER ASSISTANT WENDY ALREADY IS.

11. OOH, CAN'T FORGET CANINE.

12. HE'S GOT A GIANT... HEART.

13. WANT TO HEAR US WHISTLE?

14. - HEY, KIDS.

15. - DAD, THIS MALL HAS EVERYTHING.

16. THEY EVEN HAVE A BORDERS INSIDE A BARNES & NOBLE

17. INSIDE ANOTHER BORDERS.

18. - WOW, ARE THOSE ALL CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR ME?

19. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.

20. - WE DIDN'T, BUT I GOT AN OVERPRICED MASSAGE CHAIR.

21. - I GOT MILITARY-ISSUE NIGHT VISION GOGGLES,

22. ENDORSED BY REAL SERIAL KILLERS.

23. - WE GOT HERS AND HERS MATCHING SPARKLY PINK CELL PHONES.

24. - THOUGHT YOU GUYS ALREADY HAD CELL PHONES.

25. - BUT THESE HAVE ALL THE PICTURES

26. OF THE CLOTHES WE JUST BOUGHT.

27. - WHAT CLOTHES?

28. - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING, GLENN.

29. YOU'RE AT THE AMERICAN MALL OF THE USA,

30. THE GREATEST AMERICAN-STYLE MALL OUTSIDE THE ARAB WORLD.

31. - WELL, I DON'T NEED MATERIAL THINGS TO MAKE ME HAPPY,

32. NOT AS LONG AS I HAVE FRIED PASTRIES.

33. ONE CHURRO, PLEASE, POR FAVOR, WITH ALL THE FIXINGS,

34. AND BY "FIXINGS," I MEAN GREASE.

35. - TWO DOLLAR!

36. OOH, I'M SORRY. YOUR CARD'S BEEN REJECTED.

37. - REJECTED? HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE?

38. - YOU SEE, CREDIT CARD COMPANIES SET A LIMIT

39. BASED ON YOUR RISK.

40. - ALL RIGHT, I WASN'T LOOKING FOR A REAL ANSWER,

41. BUT THAT IS KIND OF INTERESTING.

42. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE.

43. - WHOA, ACCORDING TO MY THERMAL GOGGLES,

44. YOUR ANGER READING IS SOMEWHERE BETWEEN TALIBAN MULLAH

45. AND LITTLE LEAGUE DAD.

46. - I AM ANGRY!

47. MY CREDIT CARDS WERE ALL REJECTED.

48. I COULDN'T EVEN BUY A SINGLE CHURRO.

49. - GLENN, LOOK AT YOUR STOMACH.

50. DO YOU REALLY NEED A CHURRO?

51. - MY BORDERLINE OBESITY IS NOT THE POINT.

52. - BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE ONE

53. WHO HAS TO KEEP SEWING ELASTIC INTO YOUR JEANS.

54. - JACKIE, THIS IS A PROBLEM.

55. - I KNOW. I'M OUT OF ELASTIC.

56. THOSE PANTS ARE SEWN TOGETHER WITH A FRUIT ROLL.

57. - OH, THAT'S WHY THE HOMELESS GUY

58. KEPT SMELLING MY CROTCH AND YELLING, "APRICOT!"

59. - WELL, THAT'S ONE REASON.

60. - ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH ABOUT MY FAT PANTS.

61. LOOK AT YOU PEOPLE.

62. NOBODY HERE KNOWS THE VALUE OF A DOLLAR.

63. - ISN'T IT THE EQUIVALENT OF A CANADIAN NICKEL?

64. - ALL RIGHT, YOU SPOILED AMERICANS,

65. SINCE YOU ALL LOVE PRESENTS, I GOT YOU ONE MORE.

66. - SELF-RELIANCE?

67. - IS THAT A NEW STORE IN THE MALL?

68. - NO, IT'S A— WELL, YES,

69. BUT THAT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE.

70. FOR TOO LONG, YOU'VE TREATED ME LIKE AN ATM,

71. SO TOMORROW YOU'RE ALL GETTING JOBS.

72. - BUT THIS IS AMERICA'S HEARTLAND.

73. THERE HAVEN'T BEEN JOBS HERE SINCE THE MID-'90s.

74. - TRUE, WE NO LONGER HAVE AN AUTO INDUSTRY

75. OR A STEEL INDUSTRY,

76. BUT THERE'S ONE THING WE'LL NEVER RUN OUT OF:

77. LOW-PAYING SERVICE JOBS.

78. THERE ARE 12,000 PEOPLE EMPLOYED IN THERE.

79. WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO PUT A FEW OF THEM OUT OF WORK.

80. - OH, THIS FEELS SO GOOD.

81. IT HAS EVERY SETTING

82. SHIATSU, DEEP TISSUE,

83. OOH, SADISTIC FEMALE PRISON

84. GUA-A-A-A-A-A-ARD.

85. - SO WHAT KIND OF JOB ARE YOU GETTING?

86. - ME? I ALREADY HAVE FOUR JOBS.

87. I'M A HOUSEWIFE, A HOMESCHOOL TEACHER,

88. A CHAUFFER, AND ON INCREASINGLY RARE OCCASIONS, A CONCUBINE.

89. ACCORDING TO OPRAH, I SHOULD MAKE $300,000 A YEAR.

90. - WOW, FOUR JOBS,

91. YET YOU STILL FIND TIME TO WATCH OPRAH.

92. YOU'RE AN INSPIRATION.

93. BUT UNLESS OPRAH'S PAYING FOR YOUR MASSAGE CHAIR,

94. YOU'RE GETTING A JOB.

95. - EXCUSE ME, BUT MALL JOBS ARE FOR TEENAGERS AND IMMIGRANTS.

96. SINCE WENDY COUNTS TWICE, I DON'T NEED A JOB.

97. - HEY, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH A MALL JOB.

98. EVEN I GOT ONE.

99. SO WHERE DO WE KEEP THE MITER SAWS?

100. - YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT RENOVATION HARDWARE

101. ISN'T A REAL HARDWARE STORE, DO YOU?

102. - GOT IT.

103. IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE IN LUMBER.

104. - IDIOT.

105. - I KNOW YOU'RE HESITANT

106. BECAUSE YOU HAVE SO MANY COLLEGE DEGREES

107. YET YOU'VE NEVER ACTUALLY HELD A JOB

108. AND YOU PROBABLY DON'T THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT IN THE REAL WORLD.

109. - YOU DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IT IN THE REAL WORLD?

110. - I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

111. I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAYING THAT AND I WAS JUST AGREEING.

112. - SO YOU DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IT IN THE REAL WORLD.

113. - UH...

114. - GUESS WHAT. I'M GONNA GET A JOB.

115. - WELL, THAT'LL SHOW ME, HONEY.

116. - HAVE AT HIM, LASHONDA.

117. - OOH! OH! HEY, I HAVE RIGHTS!

118. I HAVE RIGHTS! OH!

119. OH! HEY!

120. - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR FATHER'S MAKING US GET A MALL JOB.

121. - UGH, I KNOW.

122. EVERYTHING HERE IS SO BORING.

123. OH, MY GOD! IT'S BOY BLITZ!

124. - THEY'RE, LIKE, MY FAVORITE PRE-PACKAGED BOY BAND EVER!

125. - DATE OF BIRTH?

126. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER?

127. I WAS A BABY.

128. - HUH.

129. - HOW MUCH GOOD & PLENTY DID YOU GET?

130. - PLENTY. - GOOD.

131. - ON THE FLOOR, LADIES!

132. - WHOA!

133. ARE YOU A REAL COP?

134. - COULD A REAL COP DO THIS?

135. HUH-HA!

136. - SO A MALL COP CAN DO THAT?

137. - SURE, AS LONG AS NO ONE'S WATCHING.

138. - COOL.

139. I WANT TO OPERATE OUTSIDE THE BOUNDS OF DECENT SOCIETY.

140. - I'M AFRAID YOU'RE A LITTLE YOUNG, SON.

141. BUT YOU CAN TAG ALONG.

142. - ARE YOU SERIOUS?

143. - SERIOUS ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU THIS.

144. - OH-HO-HO! WICKED!

145. - AS SOMEONE WHO HOLDS A DUAL MAJOR

146. IN ART HISTORY AND ART CRITICISM,

147. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM

148. TO SELL POSTERS OF SUNFLOWERS AND CHERUBS.

149. - OH, I'M SORRY.

150. WE REALLY PREFER PEOPLE WITH FAST-FOOD OR KIOSK EXPERIENCE.

151. - PLEASE, I DESPERATELY NEED THIS JOB,

152. IF ONLY LORD IT OVER MY HUSBAND.

153. - SORRY, NO OPENINGS.

154. - MISS TRICIA, MY WATER JUST BROKE

155. OVER IN STATUES AND STATUETTES.

156. - YOU GOT ONE DAY.

157. SELL OR YOU'RE GONE.

158. - AND THAT WRAPS UP BOY BLITZ REHEARSAL.

159. - THEY ARE SO CUTE.

160. - I'M NICK.

161. I LIKE TO SING AND DANCE.

162. - I'M LARS.

163. I'VE GOT A WEAKNESS FOR CHOCOLATE—AND YOU.

164. - I'M NICK, I LIKE TO SI—

165. - RIGHT, SING AND DANCE.

166. - SING AND DANCE.

167. - THANK YOU, THAT'S VERY CREEPY.

168. THOSE BOYS ARE SO SUPERFICIAL AND REHEARSED.

169. - YEAH, WHOEVER MADE THEM FAMOUS IS A GENIUS.

170. - HA HA, I GUESS THAT MAKES ME A GENIUS.

171. SAM SHAPIRO, GENIUS.

172. - OH, MY GOD.

173. YOU ALSO CREATED AT A GLANCE, DRY HEAT, AND GETTING WARMER.

174. - I LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE.

175. MOST GIRLS YOUR AGE SEE THE BOYS AND DROOL.

176. - NOT US. WE SEE DOLLAR SIGNS AND DROOL.

177. YOU NEED ANY HELP?

178. - YEAH, I COULD USE A COUPLE OF GOPHERS.

179. I ONLY HAVE ONE RULE.

180. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES

181. ARE YOU TO GO INTO THEIR PRIVATE TOUR BUS.

182. THAT'S WHERE THE BOYS "CHILLAX,"

183. A PHRASE WHICH I TRADEMARKED.

184. - YOU TRADEMARKED "CHILLAX"?

185. - YOU OWE ME NINE CENTS.

186. - CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?

187. - I DON'T KNOW.

188. SEEMS A LITTLE EXPENSIVE

189. FOR A BOTTLE OF HOME FRAGRANCE.

190. - OH, IT IS.

191. BUT IF YOU'RE EVER ATTACKED BY A BEAR...

192. - LAST YEAR I WAS ATTACKED BY A BEAR.

193. I'LL TAKE SIX.

194. - NOTICE THE ARTIST'S USE OF A DESATURATED PALETTE,

195. MEANT TO SUGGEST FOREBODING AND MISERY.

196. I SUBMIT TO YOU.

197. DOES THIS BABY HATE MONDAYS

198. OR OUR DEPENDENCE ON SCIENCE AS A GLOBAL PANACEA,

199. AS REPRESENTED BY SPICY BOLOGNAISE?

200. - MOMMY, THIS LADY IS SCARING ME.

201. - JUST WALK AWAY.

202. - AND DID I MENTION IT'S ONLY 1 OF 400,000?

203. I WAS AWFUL, GLENN.

204. ALL THESE YEARS I THOUGHT THAT BEING A HOMEMAKER WAS MY CHOICE.

205. TURNS OUT THE WORLD DIDN'T WANT ME ANYWAY.

206. - NO, DON'T EVEN THINK THAT.

207. YOU JUST HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE

208. IN A WAY THAT'S NOT INSULTING

209. OR MAKES THEM INSTANTLY HATE YOU.

210. - OH, GOD, EVEN OUR DOG CAN HOLD A JOB.

211. - SURE, BUT HE'S GOOD WITH CHILDREN.

212. TO BE AN EFFECTIVE SALESMAN, YOU HAVE TO PLAY A CHARACTER.

213. ME, I PRETEND TO BE

214. THE WELL-MEANING BUT GREGARIOUS BOOB.

215. WHOA!

216. - WELL, WHAT'S MY CHARACTER?

217. - YOU'LL KNOW IT WHEN YOU SEE IT.

218. OH, MY GOD.

219. SOMEONE STOLE THE PRESENTS FROM INSIDE THESE BOXES.

220. - THINK, JACKIE, WHAT'S THE COMMON DENOMINATOR

221. USED TO SELL THINGS?

222. SEX.

223. OKAY, BOYS, WHO WANTS TO BUY SOMETHING?

224. - I WANT TO BUY SOMETHING. - CAN YOU HELP ME OVER HERE?

225. - WATCH AND LEARN, ROOKIE.

226. - WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY?

227. - NOPE, IT'S AN UNSPOKEN AGREEMENT

228. BETWEEN MERCHANTS AND THE THIN BLUE LINE.

229. - STOP! YOU NO PAY!

230. NO, HE'S KIDDING.

231. THAT'S OUR LITTLE JOKE.

232. - I THINK THIS CHERUB TELLS WOMEN YOU'RE STRONG,

233. SENSITIVE, OPEN TO NEW EXPERIENCES.

234. - I'LL TAKE IT.

235. - ONLY ONE?

236. OH, HE'LL BE SO LONELY.

237. - DID I SAY ONE? I MEANT ALL OF THEM.

238. WHAT THE?

239. - GLENN, YOU WERE RIGHT!

240. ONCE I FOUND A CHARACTER,

241. I COULDN'T FIGHT THE CUSTOMERS OFF.

242. - WELL, YOU CERTAINLY DIDN'T TRY.

243. I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU.

244. YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE MADONNA BACK WHEN SHE WAS 60.

245. - IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO COME UP WITH A CHARACTER.

246. - I THOUGHT YOU'D JUST ADOPT A FUNNY ACCENT.

247. 'ELLO, GUV'NOR.

248. CHERUB FOR YOUR MUM?

249. - MOMMY AND DADDY ARE FIGHTING.

250. - IT'S GONNA BE A GOOD CHRISTMAS.

251. IT'S GONNA BE A GOOD CHRISTMAS.

252. - KIDS, YOUR FATHER AND I NEED TO TALK.

253. HERE, GO GET AN ICE CREAM.

254. - IN YOUR BRA? - WHAT?

255. I'M JUST BEING FRIENDLY TO CUSTOMERS.

256. - MOM, DO YOU NEED THE PHONE NUMBER ON THIS $20?

257. AND WHO'S FAROUK?

258. - JACKIE, I DON'T CONDONE THIS.

259. BUT AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT...

260. YOO-HOO.

261. - AND NOW I'M SEEING IT.

262. - GREAT NEWS, EVERYBODY.

263. WE'RE MERGING WITH KITSCHETERIA.

264. OH, WHO'S THE HOTTIE?

265. - ITALIAN LIQUOR POSTERS, 50% OFF.

266. - I'M GONNA GO GET SOME SINGLES.

267. - SO EVERYTHING WE READ

268. ABOUT THE BOYS IN THE MEDIA IS PHONY?

269. - 100%.

270. - WHAT ABOUT THEIR BLOG?

271. - WRITTEN IN NEW DELHI.

272. - WHAT ABOUT THEIR SONGS?

273. - WRITTEN BY A COMPUTER... IN NEW DELHI.

274. - WOW.

275. - IT'S NEW DELHI.

276. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

277. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HOURS FOR MY NEW GUITAR SOLO!

278. - HEY, PRETTY GIRLS, I'M LARS.

279. I'VE GOT A WEAKNESS FOR CHOCOLATE—AND YOU.

280. - YOU ALSO SEEM TO HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR REPETITION.

281. - AND REPETITION.

282. - OH.

283. - CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

284. - I KNOW. SHE SHOULD AT LEAST GRIND.

285. WHAT A TEASE.

286. - WELL, TWO CAN PLAY THE GAME OF SEDUCTRESS.

287. OOH, NICE GLOBES.

288. - EXCUSE ME?

289. - I WOULDN'T MIND GIVING THOSE A SPIN.

290. WHAT? I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT YOUR BOOBS.

291. - THIS IS THE LIFE.

292. FREE SOFT PRETZELS, FREE HARD PRETZELS.

293. - KID, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING SPECIAL.

294. - A THIRD KIND OF PRETZEL

295. THAT'S SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HARD AND SOFT?

296. - WHAT'D YOU WISH FOR?

297. - I WISHED WE COULD HAVE A WHITE PRESIDENT AGAIN.

298. - CONOR, WHAT DO YOU SEE RIGHT THERE?

299. - THAT EVEN RACISTS CAN BE ADORABLE?

300. - WRONG—WELL, RIGHT.

301. BUT I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE FOUNTAIN,

302. AND I SEE A GOLDMINE.

303. - WAIT, ARE YOU PLANNING ON TAKING THESE COINS

304. AND SELLING THEM FOR MONEY?

305. - HAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

306. ME AND THE GUARDS ARE GONNA EMPTY THE FOUNTAIN

307. DURING THE CONCERT TOMORROW.

308. YOU IN?

309. - NOW WAY, I'M NOT ON THE TAKE.

310. - SAYS THE MAN EATING A STOLEN PRETZEL.

311. - WHAT?

312. - EITHER YOU JOIN US

313. OR I TURN YOU IN FOR SHOPLIFTING.

314. - BUT YOU TOLD ME IT WAS OKAY.

315. - WELL, WHO ARE THEY GONNA BELIEVE?

316. A GUY WITH A PAPER BADGE

317. OR A GUY WITH A PLASTIC BADGE?

318. - HE'S STEALING WISHES.

319. I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

320. I WISH I COULD FOIL THIS EVIL PLOT.

321. - YOU REALIZE THAT'S GOING RIGHT IN MY POCKET.

322. - HEY, THE LYRICS TO THEIR NEW SONG.

323. LARS MUST HAVE DROPPED IT.

324. WE BETTER BRING IT TO THEM.

325. - I DON'T KNOW.

326. SAM SAID THE BUS IS OFF LIMITS.

327. BUT I WOULDN'T MIND SEEING WHERE THEY CHILLAX.

328. SHOOT, I OWE SAM ANOTHER NINE CENTS.

329. - NO WONDER THE MAN DRIVES A SOLID GOLD DUNE BUGGY.

330. - HELLO?

331. HEY, LARS, SORRY FOR THE...

332. "HELP ME"?

333. OH, MY GOD!

334. - I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT BOY BANDS.

335. - LET'S GET OUT OF HERE

336. BEFORE THESE FREAKS SMOTHER US IN GEL!

337. - NO.

338. I THINK THEY MIGHT BE HUMAN,

339. OR HUMAN-ISH.

340. - YEAH, I GUESS I SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

341. YOU NEED TO MEMORIZE THIS BY MORNING.

342. - OH, YOUR MUSTACHE IS SO THICK AND BUSHY.

343. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BUY A COUCH SHAPED LIKE A SLIPPER!

344. - MMM.

345. - GLEN, I NOTICED THAT YOU HAVEN'T SOLD ANYTHING ALL DAY.

346. - WELL, HOW CAN I WHEN I'M COMPETING WITH TALENT LIKE THAT?

347. - NAUGHTY BOY. - OH!

348. - IS THERE A PROBLEM

349. WITH YOU AND THE SUPERSTAR SALESWOMAN OVER THERE?

350. - I MEAN, SURE, SOME OF HER TECHNIQUES

351. ARE BETTER SUITED TO THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM AT KNOCKERS,

352. BUT NAH, NO PROBLEM.

353. - OOH, YOU'RE NOT SAYING

354. HER BEHAVIOR MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, ARE YOU?

355. - SURE AM.

356. - BUT YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT THIS

357. IS A SEXUALLY HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT, WOULD YOU?

358. - YEAH, WHY NOT?

359. - DAMN.

360. - I DON'T BELIEVE THAT SOME ANONYMOUS COWARD

361. GOT ME FIRED!

362. - UGH, WHAT A COWARD.

363. YOU DID SAY, "ANONYMOUS," RIGHT?

364. - I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT FIRED.

365. I THOUGHT I WAS DOING SO WELL.

366. - AH, YEAH, THE REAL WORLD CAN BE BRUTAL.

367. THAT'S WHY YOU'RE BETTER OFF STAYING IN THE RV,

368. AT LEAST UNTIL WE'RE FAR AWAY

369. FROM THE AMERICAN MALL OF THE USA.

370. - YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG, GLENN.

371. I GUESS I AM JUST A HOUSEWIFE.

372. MAYBE I SHOULD ASK MISS TRICIA WHAT I DID WRONG.

373. - NO, NO, NO, NO.

374. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

375. IS THE LAST THING YOU NEED RIGHT NOW.

376. THE ONLY HEALTHY WAY TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

377. IS TO RUN FROM IT.

378. IF WE LEAVE RIGHT NOW,

379. I COULD HAVE YOU IN CANADA BY SUNDOWN.

380. - WE CAN'T LEAVE.

381. CONOR'S WORKING.

382. THE GIRLS HAVE THE CONCERT TOMORROW.

383. - AH, WE DON'T NEED THEM.

384. I'LL LEAVE THEM BUS FARE AND A MAP.

385. I'LL CLAIM IT WAS ALL PART OF MY GIFT OF SELF-RELIANCE.

386. - I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT WE JUST SAW.

387. - LOOK, THIS IS THE HARSH REALITY OF BOY BANDS.

388. WE ENJOY THEIR SYNCHRONIZED DANCING

389. AND THREE-PART HARMONIES.

390. SO WHAT IF THEY'RE HUMANOID PRISONERS

391. INCUBATED IN GEL AND PUMPED FULL OF ESTROGEN?

392. THIS IS HOW THE SAUSAGE IS MADE.

393. - BUT THE BOYS DESERVE BETTER.

394. THEY SHOULDN'T BE HELD CAPTIVE.

395. - FIRST OF ALL, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY'RE BOYS ANYMORE.

396. AND MAYBE THEY DON'T EVEN REALIZE

397. THEY'RE BEING HELD CAPTIVE.

398. - SONG TITLES INCLUDE SET ME FREE,

399. IRON-CLAD CONTRACT OF LOVE,

400. AND THE SUN SHINES, BUT NOT FOR ME.

401. - OKAY, MAYBE THEY HAVE AN INKLING.

402. - OKAY, WHEN THE CONCERT STARTS, WE MAKE OUR MOVE.

403. - THE CROWD WILL BE SO ENTRANCED BY THE BOYS' CHISELED FEATURES

404. AND JEANS THAT ARE TIGHT IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES,

405. NO ONE WILL NOTICE US CLEARING OUT THE FOUNTAIN.

406. - OH, YEAH, WE'RE GONNA BE RICH.

407. - HEY, NONE OF THAT TALK.

408. AFTER THE HEIST,

409. NOBODY BUYS ANY BIG-TICKET ITEMS.

410. I DON'T WANT TO CATCH YOU LIVING IT UP AT PANDA EXPRESS.

411. NO BUYING YOUR GIRLFRIENDS NO SCRUNCHIES.

412. YOU GOT THAT, OMAR?

413. - I TOLD YOU, IT WASN'T FOR MY GIRLFRIEND.

414. - BUT IF WE'RE NOT PROTECTING THE BAND, WHO IS?

415. - NOT OUR PROBLEM.

416. OUR ONLY PROBLEM IS, WHERE DO WE HIDE 500 POUNDS

417. OF WET NICKELS?

418. - WE HAVE TO SET THEM FREE.

419. - NO, ALL WE HAVE TO DO

420. IS WALK THEM TO THE STAGE, HAVE THEM SING,

421. AND GET THEM BACK INTO THEIR GOO CHAMBERS.

422. - OUT OF MY WAY, GIRLS.

423. - UH-OH, MOM'S WEARING HER CONFRONTATION FACE.

424. - I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A CONFRONTATION.

425. I'M JUST GOING TO TALK TO MISS TRICIA

426. AND FIND OUT WHY I WAS FIRED,

427. IN A HIGHLY CONFRONTATIONAL MANNER.

428. - ANYTHING I CAN GET YOU GUYS?

429. BOTTLED WATER? FRUIT?

430. FREEDOM?

431. - WHAT IS FREEDOM?

432. - SEE?

433. HE'S NOT EVEN PROGRAMMED FOR FREEDOM.

434. HE'S JUST SOME KIND OF MUTATED FREAK.

435. - HELP ME, PLEASE, COURTNEY.

436. - OH, MY GOD, LARS THINKS I'M CUTE!

437. - UH, I DON'T THINK HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT.

438. - YOU'RE RIGHT, WENDY.

439. HE IS CAPABLE OF HIGHER THINKING.

440. - YEAH, I DON'T THINK I SAID THAT, EITHER.

441. - I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.

442. WE HAVE TO SET THEM FREE.

443. - YEAH, GLAD YOU THOUGHT OF IT.

444. - GIVE IT UP FOR BOY BLITZ.

445. - IT'S GREAT BEING HERE IN TOPEKA.

446. MINNEAPOLIS.

447. - BLOOMINGTON.

448. - THIS IS HORRIBLE.

449. - I KNOW, IT'S SO OBVIOUS THEY'RE LIP-SYNCHING.

450. OH, THE SHOCK COLLARS, YEAH, THAT IS VERY SAD.

451. - MISS TRICIA'S NOT HERE? WHERE IS SHE?

452. - TAKE A WILD GUESS.

453. - OH, THE CONCERT.

454. BE A PAL AND DON'T TELL HER I'M GONNA AMBUSH HER.

455. - HEY, YOU JUST MISSED IT.

456. THAT CRAZY SEXY FIRED LADY WAS LOOKING FOR TRICIA,

457. SO I SENT HER TO THE CONCERT.

458. - THAT'S THE WORST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

459. AND I WAS AT THE BAND'S SOUND CHECK.

460. HERE, CALL SECURITY.

461. - SO BOSS,

462. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH ALL YOUR LOOT?

463. - WELL, I ALWAYS HAD A DREAM OF RETIRING

464. AND LIVING IN A CANOE.

465. - ALL UNITS, CODE 20, FOOD COURT.

466. - JUST IGNORE THAT.

467. - CODE 20? WHAT'S THAT?

468. - THAT'S THE MOST DANGEROUS CALL

469. CRAZY LADY WITH A GRUDGE.

470. - I'M GONNA RESPOND TO THAT.

471. - YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

472. I OWN YOU, CONOR MARTIN.

473. BESIDES, YOU PROMISED YOUR DAD WOULD GIVE ME A RIDE

474. TO THE CANOE STORE.

475. - I DON'T CARE!

476. I SWORE AN OATH TO PROTECT THIS MALL.

477. SURE, IT WAS AN OATH I WROTE MYSELF,

478. AND I WAS EATING A STOLEN PRETZEL AT THE TIME,

479. BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE THIS FAKE BADGE ANY LESS REAL.

480. - NO! IT'S STEP, SPIN, STEP.

481. YOU STUPID JELLY-SOAKED PRECOG!

482. - MISS TRICIA, THERE YOU ARE.

483. - JACKIE, THERE YOU ARE.

484. - DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEE, THERE YOU ARE.

485. NO!

486. - WHOA-OH!

487. - OH!

488. - UGH!

489. GOT IT.

490. RUN! THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE!

491. - UGH... UGH! EGH!

492. FREEDOM.

493. I'M FREEDOM!

494. UGH-AH-UGH-AH-AH!

495. - ONE SECOND OF LIBERTY IS STILL BETTER

496. THAN 17 YEARS OF SERVITUDE.

497. - UGH-AH! AH-AH!

498. - OR NOT.

499. - THERE'S STILL TWO OTHERS.

500. COME ON, GUYS, RUN!

501. - DO YOU GIRLS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MONEY IT COST ME

502. TO GENETICALLY ENGINEER THAT ANDROGENOID?

503. - YOU CAN'T HOLD THEM HOSTAGE, SAM!

504. - I'M NOT. WELL, I AM.

505. BUT I HAVE TO.

506. WELL, I DON'T HAVE TO. I JUST DO.

507. BUT I'M GIVING THEM FAME.

508. ISN'T THAT MORE IMPORTANT THAN FREEDOM?

509. - YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS.

510. - OH, REALLY? YOU CAN'T STOP ME.

511. I'M SAM SHAPIRO, BOY MAKER!

512. - EEGH.

513. - SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE,

514. BUT THAT'S A HIT SINGLE.

515. - JACKIE, I HAVE A CONFESSION.

516. I'M THE ONE WHO GOT YOU FIRED.

517. - WHAT? WHY?

518. - I MAY HAVE INADVERTENTLY SAID

519. THAT YOUR SALES APPROACH WAS A LITTLE SEXUALLY INAPPROPRIATE.

520. - I DON'T KNOW IF THE TERM "STANKY" CAME UP.

521. I DON'T THINK IT DID, BUT DON'T QUOTE ME

522. IN CASE TRICIA TAPED THE CONVERSATION.

523. - WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING?

524. - IT WAS EITHER JEALOUSY OR PETTY JEALOUSY,

525. MAYBE A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH; I DON'T KNOW.

526. - UGH, BECAUSE I WAS FLIRTING WITH CUSTOMERS?

527. - I GUESS I JUST WISH IT WAS ME

528. YOU WERE ACTING INAPPROPRIATELY SLUTTY TO

529. AND NOT COMPLETE STRANGERS, FOR MONEY.

530. BUT THE TRUTH IS,

531. YOU DO HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE IT IN THE REAL WORLD.

532. - OH, GLENN, YOU WERE JEALOUS.

533. THAT'S THE BEST GIFT YOU COULD GIVE ME.

534. YOU KNOW, I DID GET AWFULLY WORKED UP

535. SELLING ALL THAT STUFF.

536. OH, NO, PLEASE DON'T.

537. - MERRY CHRISTMAS, GLENN.

538. - MERRY CHRISTMAS, JACKIE.

539. YOU REALIZE WE JUST HAD THANKSGIVING, RIGHT?