1. - THAT'S ME, GLENN MARTIN,
FATHER, DENTIST, LOVER,Copy !req
2. BUT MOSTLY FATHER
AND DENTIST.Copy !req
3. I TOOK MY FAMILY ON A ROAD TRIP
SO WE CAN GROW CLOSER.Copy !req
4. WELL, THAT, AND I BURNED
THE HOUSE DOWN.Copy !req
5. SO IT'S ME,
MY WIFE, JACKIE—Copy !req
6. SHE'S THE SWEETEST—
OH!Copy !req
7. OUR SON, CONOR,
THE LADIES' MAN,Copy !req
8. HIS SISTER, COURTNEY—Copy !req
9. WE'LL ALL BE WORKING
FOR HER ONE DAY.Copy !req
10. IN FACT, HER ASSISTANT WENDY
ALREADY IS.Copy !req
11. OOH, CAN'T FORGET CANINE.Copy !req
12. HE'S GOT A GIANT... HEART.Copy !req
13. WANT TO HEAR US WHISTLE?Copy !req
14. - HEY, CHECK IT OUT.Copy !req
15. MY FEET ARE SMALLER
THAN CARRIE FISHER'SCopy !req
16. BUT BIGGER THAN C-3PO'S!Copy !req
17. - WHOA.
WOW.Copy !req
18. ACTION GUY.Copy !req
19. ARE YOU REALLY THE ACTOR
FROM THE HIT MOVIES?Copy !req
20. - WHY, YES, I AM.Copy !req
21. I JUST LIKE TO BEG
IN MY SPARE TIME.Copy !req
22. - WHY DON'T YOU GO BUY
A MOVIE TICKETCopy !req
23. AND USE THE BATHROOM
TO FRESHEN UP, OKAY?Copy !req
24. - THANKS.
YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.Copy !req
25. - I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR 20 MINUTESCopy !req
26. AND NO ONE'S OFFERED ME
A MOVIE DEALCopy !req
27. OR EVEN A LOUSY SITCOM.Copy !req
28. - YEAH, WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU PEOPLE?Copy !req
29. THIS GIRL IS A STAR!Copy !req
30. STAR! STAR! STAR!Copy !req
31. - WHEN YOU YELL IN MY EAR,
IT MAKES ME NOT LIKE YOU.Copy !req
32. - SORRY, I'LL SLEEP
IN THE CLOSET TONIGHT.Copy !req
33. - THANKS, DUDE.Copy !req
34. GUESS WHAT.Copy !req
35. I'M GONNA BE ON A TV SHOW.Copy !req
36. - WHAT?Copy !req
37. I'M THE TALENTED ONE.Copy !req
38. IS MY T-SHIRT NOT CLEAR ENOUGH?Copy !req
39. - IN WHAT CRAZY,
UPSIDE-DOWN WORLDCopy !req
40. WOULD HE BE CHOSEN OVER YOU?Copy !req
41. - IT'S A NEW HUMILI-GAME SHOWCopy !req
42. CALLED ARE YOU SMARTER
THAN A CHICKEN?Copy !req
43. - OH.
- THAT MAKES SENSE.Copy !req
44. - I FEEL BETTER NOW.Copy !req
45. - BEAT IT, LOSER.Copy !req
46. - HEY!Copy !req
47. - NEXT STOP ON OUR TOUR
OF LA-LA LAND,Copy !req
48. OR SHOULD I SAY HOLLY-WEIRD?Copy !req
49. - UGH, ACTUALLY,
YOU SHOULDN'T SAY EITHER.Copy !req
50. - CELEBRITY MURDER SITES.Copy !req
51. FIRST UP, GEORGE REEVES,
TV'S FIRST SUPERMAN.Copy !req
52. DID HE RUN AFOUL OF THE MOB,Copy !req
53. OR WAS FAME HIS OWN KRYPTONITE?Copy !req
54. - NO MORE MURDER TOURS, GLENN.Copy !req
55. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
AT GARY'S HOUSE BY 6:00.Copy !req
56. - I DON'T LIKE THIS, JACKIE.Copy !req
57. STAYING AT YOUR
EX-BOYFRIEND'S HOUSE?Copy !req
58. - HE'S JUST A FRIEND.Copy !req
59. YES, WE DATED,
BUT THAT WAS 20 YEARS AGO.Copy !req
60. AND I PICKED YOU, REMEMBER?Copy !req
61. - I CAN'T BELIEVE
I BOOKED TWO DATESCopy !req
62. FOR THE LOWER RUNGS
OF MEDICINE BALL.Copy !req
63. - COME ON, JACKIE.Copy !req
64. YOU DON'T WANT TO GO
TO THE DANCECopy !req
65. WITH A DENTAL DORK.Copy !req
66. US DERMATOLOGY STUDENTS
GOT IT GOING ON.Copy !req
67. - HEY, ZIT DOCTOR,
HEAL THYSELF.Copy !req
68. - OW!
- OUCH.Copy !req
69. - WATCH IT!Copy !req
70. - TWO HANDSOME-ISH MEN
FIGHTING OVER ME?Copy !req
71. - JUST SO YOU KNOW, JACKIE,Copy !req
72. THE SKIN'S THE LARGEST
ORGAN ON THE BODY.Copy !req
73. - YEAH, WELL, IT'S NOT
THE LARGEST ORGAN ON MY BODY.Copy !req
74. - I'LL BE GOING WITH GLENN.Copy !req
75. AND I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.Copy !req
76. LOOK, HE KNOWS WE'RE IN TOWN.Copy !req
77. HE'S ALWAYS ASKING US
TO VISIT.Copy !req
78. - OKAY, FINE.Copy !req
79. BUT FIRST WE INVESTIGATE
THE DEMISE OF MARILYN MONROE.Copy !req
80. DID SHE RUN AFOUL
OF THE KENNEDYS,Copy !req
81. OR WAS FAME HER OWN BARBITURATE?Copy !req
82. - WELL, THAT DOES SOUND
PRETTY GOOD.Copy !req
83. BUT THEN GARY'S.Copy !req
84. - GARY'S PLACE LOOKS
A LITTLE SMALL, IF YOU ASK ME.Copy !req
85. LOOKS LIKE YOU MADE
THE RIGHT CHOICE, HONEY.Copy !req
86. - PLEASE PROCEED
TO THE MAIN HOUSE.Copy !req
87. - WHAT A DOUCHE.Copy !req
88. - OH, MY.Copy !req
89. - OOH.
- OH, WOW.Copy !req
90. AND NOW, YOUR STARTING PLASTIC
SURGEON FROM BEVERLY HILLS,Copy !req
91. HE'S 5'8"
OF PURE AWESOMENESS,Copy !req
92. DR. GARY ROSS!Copy !req
93. - AH, YEAH!
THANK YOU.Copy !req
94. HA-HA!
YEAH!Copy !req
95. THE DOCTOR IS IN.Copy !req
96. - THAT WAS SOME ENTRANCE.Copy !req
97. - YOU DON'T THINK
IT WAS TOO GRANDIOSE?Copy !req
98. SOMETIMES I WONDER
IF IT LOOKS SILLY.Copy !req
99. JACKIE, BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS.Copy !req
100. - GARY, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!Copy !req
101. - GLENN.
- GARY.Copy !req
102. - GLENN.
- ROSS.Copy !req
103. - I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW GREAT
YOU LOOK.Copy !req
104. - WELL, BLAME IT ON L.A.Copy !req
105. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO BE
GOOD-LOOKING OUT HERE.Copy !req
106. - OOH.
- AH.Copy !req
107. - ANYBODY?Copy !req
108. - OOH, ME!Copy !req
109. - SO PLASTIC SURGERY?Copy !req
110. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMOUS CLIENTS?Copy !req
111. - WELL, I HATE TO NAME NAMES,
BUT YOU KNOW KATE HUDSON?Copy !req
112. - YEAH.Copy !req
113. - SHE USED TO BE GOLDIE HAWN.Copy !req
114. - PLEASE.Copy !req
115. I ONCE DID THE FILLINGS
FOR THE MAYOR OF CLEVELAND.Copy !req
116. WELL, NOT THAT CLEVELAND.Copy !req
117. - GLENN, DON'T NAME-DROP.Copy !req
118. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT
TAUGHT ME THAT.Copy !req
119. AND NOW, THE GROTTO...Copy !req
120. I DIDN'T WALK IN ON ANYTHING,
DID I, GIRLS?Copy !req
121. NO.Copy !req
122. WE WERE JUST KISSING.Copy !req
123. - AH, IT'S GOOD TO BE GARY.Copy !req
124. - WELL, SOMEONE GOT OVER ME
AWFUL FAST.Copy !req
125. - IT'S BEEN 20 YEARS.Copy !req
126. - YEAH, BUT WHEN I BROKE UP
WITH HIM,Copy !req
127. HE SWORE HE'D NEVER GET OVER ME.Copy !req
128. APPARENTLY I WAS DUMPING A LIAR.Copy !req
129. - SO, GLENN,
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF MY SUCCESS?Copy !req
130. - WELL, IF A MAN'S SUCCESS
IS MEASUREDCopy !req
131. BY HOW SUCCESSFUL HE IS,Copy !req
132. THEN I GUESS YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL.Copy !req
133. - ACTUALLY, GLENN,
I CONSIDER YOU THE REAL WINNER.Copy !req
134. SURE, I'VE GOT AN ENDLESS LINE
OF HOTTIES,Copy !req
135. BUT YOU'VE GOT JACKIE,
WHO'S MUCH MORE AGE-APPROPRIATE.Copy !req
136. - AW.Copy !req
137. - GLENN, I LIKE YOU.Copy !req
138. I'M GONNA THROW YOU A BONE.Copy !req
139. - THANKS, GARY, BUT I DON'T NEED
A BONE FROM YOU.Copy !req
140. - GLENN, DON'T BE SO PROUD.Copy !req
141. ACCEPT THE MAN'S BONE.Copy !req
142. - I WAS HOPING YOU COULD COVER
FOR MY TEETH GUY.Copy !req
143. HE'S DOWN IN BARBADOS
WORKING ON TUPAC'S GRILLE.Copy !req
144. YEAH, YOU HEARD ME.Copy !req
145. HE'S NOT DEAD.Copy !req
146. - LET ME UNDERSTAND THIS.Copy !req
147. YOU WANT ME TO WORK FOR YOU?Copy !req
148. - WELL, YOU DO NEED THE SCRATCH.Copy !req
149. YOU LIVE IN THAT RV.Copy !req
150. - I LIVE IN THAT RV BY CHOICE.Copy !req
151. - GLENN,
YOU BURNED YOUR HOUSE DOWN.Copy !req
152. - I BURNED MY HOUSE DOWN
BY CHOICE!Copy !req
153. ASK ANYONE.Copy !req
154. EXCEPT FOR MY
INSURANCE ADJUSTOR.Copy !req
155. - WELL, JUST THINK IT OVER.Copy !req
156. YOU WANT A RIDE, DR. GARY?Copy !req
157. - I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME.Copy !req
158. GOD, I'M SHALLOW.Copy !req
159. - "YOU'RE THE REAL WINNER."Copy !req
160. HOW CONDESCENDING.Copy !req
161. AND WHAT'S THAT STUFF ABOUT YOU
BEING BEAUTIFUL?Copy !req
162. WERE YOU, LIKE, ROLLING YOUR
EYES THROUGH THAT LIKE I WAS?Copy !req
163. - YOU REALLY WANT TO TAKE ME ON
IN A "WHO'S HOTTER" CONTEST?Copy !req
164. BECAUSE I WILL PUT OUR PICTURES
UP ON THE INTERNET,Copy !req
165. AND I WILL WATCH THE TEARS FLOW.Copy !req
166. - AND NOW HE WANTS ME
TO WORK FOR HIM,Copy !req
167. JUST SO HE CAN RUB HIS SUCCESS
IN MY FACE.Copy !req
168. - WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?Copy !req
169. IT'S ONLY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.Copy !req
170. - I HAVE PRINCIPLES, JACKIE.Copy !req
171. FORGIVE ME IF I THINK
FIXING CLEFT PALATES IN RWANDACopy !req
172. IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN DOING
THE SHALLOW THINGS GARY DOES.Copy !req
173. - YOU NEVER FIXED
A CLEFT PALATE IN RWANDA.Copy !req
174. - YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
I HAVE MY OWN LIFE.Copy !req
175. - AH, LOOK, THE GUY JUST
WANTS YOU TO DO HIM A FAVOR.Copy !req
176. BUT IF YOU'RE THAT THREATENED
BY GARY'S SUCCESS,Copy !req
177. DON'T TAKE THE JOB.Copy !req
178. - GREAT, NOW I HAVE
TO TAKE THE JOBCopy !req
179. SO IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
I'M THREATENED.Copy !req
180. BUT FYI, JACKIE,
I'M STILL THREATENED.Copy !req
181. - WHERE'S THE BED?Copy !req
182. DID WE PASS IT?Copy !req
183. - QUIET, EVERYBODY.Copy !req
184. TAKE YOUR PLACES.Copy !req
185. - HEY, WENDY,
WANT TO MAKE OUT?Copy !req
186. I'M ABOUT TO BECOME FAMOUS.Copy !req
187. - I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING
TO IMPRESS A LOT OF GIRLSCopy !req
188. WITH THIS GAME SHOW.Copy !req
189. - YEAH, IT'S CALLED
ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A CHICKEN?Copy !req
190. YOU'RE NOT.Copy !req
191. I'M GONNA PROVE I'M NOT STUPID
BY KICKING THAT CHICKEN'S BUTT.Copy !req
192. SO WHAT'S THE DEAL,
IS IT GRILLED OR FRIED?Copy !req
193. - OH, HONEY.
IT'S A LIVE CHICKEN.Copy !req
194. - UH-OH.Copy !req
195. - AND NOW, WELCOME CONOR MARTIN.Copy !req
196. - YAY, CONOR MARTIN!Copy !req
197. - ACTUALLY,
THAT'S FOR THE CHICKEN.Copy !req
198. LET'S TRY YOU
IN THE PEOPLE CHAIR.Copy !req
199. - OH, YOUR DOG'S ANUS
IS GIGANTIC.Copy !req
200. - UH, YEAH, IT'S KIND OF A—Copy !req
201. - WHO DOES HIS WORK?Copy !req
202. I MUST GET THAT DONE FOR MUFFY.Copy !req
203. - BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.Copy !req
204. - I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS,
CANINE,Copy !req
205. BUT I DID GIVE MY WORD.Copy !req
206. UGH.
DAMN MARTIN INTEGRITY.Copy !req
207. IF ONLY IT WASN'T WORLD-FAMOUS.Copy !req
208. ding!Copy !req
209. - OKAY, NEXT QUESTION.Copy !req
210. HOW MANY ITEMS ARE IN A DOZEN?Copy !req
211. CHICKEN, THIS SHOULD BE EASY
FOR YOU.Copy !req
212. A DOZEN EGGS.Copy !req
213. ding!Copy !req
214. CONOR!Copy !req
215. - WELL, I'M TEMPTED TO SAY
DISNEYLAND,Copy !req
216. BECAUSE I HATE NUMBERS...Copy !req
217. - TIME'S UP!Copy !req
218. CHICKEN, YOURS TO STEAL.Copy !req
219. ding!Copy !req
220. - BA-CAW!Copy !req
221. - CORRECT.
12.Copy !req
222. OH, CHICKEN CAME TO PLAY.Copy !req
223. - OH, THIS IS NOT WHY I WENT
TO DENTAL SCHOOL.Copy !req
224. - WHITER!
MAKE THEM WHITER!Copy !req
225. - BUT IF I GO ANY WHITER,
THEY'LL BE CLEAR.Copy !req
226. - YOU HEARD THE CUSTOMER.
JUST DO IT!Copy !req
227. - THANK YOU, DOCTOR.Copy !req
228. PEOPLE CAN FINALLY SEE
MY EPIGLOTTIS WHEN I SMILE.Copy !req
229. - OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE?Copy !req
230. LORD, FORGIVE
THESE HORRIBLE SINS.Copy !req
231. OH, BOY.Copy !req
232. - WELCOME ABOARD, GLENN.Copy !req
233. HERE'S YOUR CHECK.Copy !req
234. - WOW, THAT'S A LOT OF ZEROS.Copy !req
235. WHAT TIME TOMORROW?Copy !req
236. I'LL BRING DOUGHNUTS.Copy !req
237. - YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, CHICKEN.Copy !req
238. YOU'RE GONNA TAKE HIM DOWN.Copy !req
239. JUST RUN OUT THE CLOCK, BABY.Copy !req
240. - AND WE'RE BACK.Copy !req
241. FOR THOSE OF YOU JUST TUNING IN,
CHICKEN IS ON A ROLL.Copy !req
242. THAT'S A POOR CHOICE OF WORDS.Copy !req
243. SORRY, CHICKEN.Copy !req
244. - BA-CAW!Copy !req
245. - OKAY, CATEGORY
IS GEOGRAPHY.Copy !req
246. WHICH STATE CAPITAL...Copy !req
247. ding!
- BA-CAW!Copy !req
248. - THAT IS CORRECT!Copy !req
249. MONTPELIER.Copy !req
250. - OH, THAT'S NOT FAIR.Copy !req
251. HE'S PROBABLY FROM MONTPELIER.Copy !req
252. buzz!Copy !req
253. - OOH, THERE'S THE BUZZER.Copy !req
254. LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO COME BACK NEXT TIME.Copy !req
255. UNLESS, OF COURSE,
BOTH OF YOU ARE CHICKEN.Copy !req
256. YEAH.Copy !req
257. - CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU WERE TERRIFIC.Copy !req
258. - YOU REALLY THINK SO?Copy !req
259. I WAS SO WORRIED I WAS GONNA
COME OFF STUPID IN FRONT OF YOU.Copy !req
260. - I WAS TALKING TO THE CHICKEN,
MORON.Copy !req
261. - BAWK-BAWK-BAWK.Copy !req
262. - WOW, TO THINK I ONCE BELIEVEDCopy !req
263. DOING DANGEROUS, UNNECESSARY
SURGERY ON SUPERFICIAL PEOPLECopy !req
264. WOULD BE UNFULFILLING.Copy !req
265. OH, WHAT A TOOL.Copy !req
266. - WOW, A FEW HOURS AGO,
YOU THOUGHT GARY WAS SHALLOW.Copy !req
267. - MAYBE GARY WASN'T TOO SHALLOW.Copy !req
268. MAYBE IWAS TOO DEEP.Copy !req
269. WHOA.Copy !req
270. THERE I GO AGAIN,
BEING TOO DEEP.Copy !req
271. - JACKIE, YOU LOOK DELICIOUS.Copy !req
272. - OH, GARY, YOU ALWAYS HAD
GOOD TASTE.Copy !req
273. - SO, GLENN,
WHILE THE WIFE'S BAKING,Copy !req
274. I WAS THINKING WE GET SHAKING.Copy !req
275. THAT'S THE "BEFORE" PICTURE.Copy !req
276. WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU OVER
90212 STYLE.Copy !req
277. - YOU MEAN "90210."Copy !req
278. - NO, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD
IS TWO BETTER.Copy !req
279. - HOW ABOUT WE DO IT LATER?Copy !req
280. I WAS GONNA SPEND
A LITTLE TIME WITH JACKIE.Copy !req
281. FAMILY FIRST
BUT WORK FIRST-ER.Copy !req
282. - DR. GARY KNOWS EVERYBODY.Copy !req
283. LOOK, ANGELINA JOLIE.Copy !req
284. - OH, YOU'RE SO CUTE.Copy !req
285. ARE YOU KOREAN?Copy !req
286. I NEED ONE OF THOSE
FOR MY COLLECTION.Copy !req
287. PLEASE LET ME ADOPT YOU.Copy !req
288. CAN I ADOPT YOU?Copy !req
289. - MAYBE.
WOULD I GET TO MEET BRAD PITT?Copy !req
290. - HMM, PROBABLY NOT.Copy !req
291. - WOW, GENE SIMMONSCopy !req
292. FROM CELEBRITY APPRENTICE
AND SOME ROCK BANDCopy !req
293. WHOSE NAME I CAN'T REMEMBER.Copy !req
294. - KISS.Copy !req
295. - EH, WHY NOT?
IT'S L.A.Copy !req
296. - OH, PASSION.Copy !req
297. I LIKE THAT.Copy !req
298. IF YOU WERE JUST
A LITTLE MORE WOMAN,Copy !req
299. I'D HAVE BEDDED YOU BY NOW.Copy !req
300. - HEY, GENE, GLENN, GARY.Copy !req
301. WE SHOULD CALL THIS
THE G-SPOT.Copy !req
302. - SPEAKING OF G-SPOTS,Copy !req
303. I'VE SLEPT WITH 10,000 WOMEN.Copy !req
304. - YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT
ON YOUR T-SHIRT.Copy !req
305. - OOH, I HAVEN'T UPDATED THISCopy !req
306. SINCE I GOT OUT OF THE GROTTO.Copy !req
307. - COULD I TALK TO YOU
IN PRIVATE?Copy !req
308. - OH, YOU BET.Copy !req
309. THIS WON'T TAKE LONG, FELLAS.Copy !req
310. - OOH.
OH, OH, OH.Copy !req
311. THANK YOU,
BUT I WAS TALKING TO MY HUSBAND.Copy !req
312. - WHAT?Copy !req
313. I'M HANGING OUT
WITH GENE SIMMONS.Copy !req
314. HE'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE
JEWISH REPUBLICANCopy !req
315. DEVIL-WORSHIPPING ROCKERS.Copy !req
316. - WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT I JUST
FEEL LIKE YOU'VE CHANGEDCopy !req
317. THE LAST FEW DAYS,Copy !req
318. AND I DON'T MEAN FOR THE BETTER.Copy !req
319. DID YOU EVEN KNOW
YOUR SON THINKS HE'S DUMBERCopy !req
320. THAN A CHICKEN?Copy !req
321. - HONEY, I'M TRYING TO PROVIDE
FOR MY FAMILY.Copy !req
322. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER,Copy !req
323. I'LL BUY CONOR
THAT CHICKEN SANDWICH TOMORROW.Copy !req
324. - WHY—Copy !req
325. - AT LEAST I'M SMARTER
THAN YOU ARE, GLASS OF WATER.Copy !req
326. OH.Copy !req
327. HI, JOHN O'HURLEY.Copy !req
328. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE FUN OF ME TOO?Copy !req
329. INCORRECT.Copy !req
330. IN FACT, THE AUDIENCE LOVES YOU.Copy !req
331. WE'D LIKE TO KEEP YOU ON BOARD
AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.Copy !req
332. THE ANSWERS TO THE NEXT SHOW.Copy !req
333. MAKE IT LOOK NATURAL.Copy !req
334. - BUT ISN'T THIS CHEATING?Copy !req
335. - NO, CHEATING IS SOMETHING I DO
WITH THE POOL BOY.Copy !req
336. DON'T YOU WANT TO PROVE
ONCE AND FOR ALLCopy !req
337. YOU'RE SMARTER THAN A CHICKEN?Copy !req
338. - I'LL DO IT.Copy !req
339. SO HOW DID YOU GET THE ANSWERS
FOR TOMORROW'S SHOW, ANYWAY?Copy !req
340. DID YOU TRAVEL INTO THE FUTURE?Copy !req
341. - COME ON, KID.
YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS.Copy !req
342. - YEAH, I DETEST
THESE HOLLYWOOD PARTIES TOO.Copy !req
343. I DON'T KNOW WHY I METICULOUSLY
PLAN AND THROW THEMCopy !req
344. EVERY THURSDAY.Copy !req
345. - SAME OLD GARY.
ALWAYS JOKING AROUND.Copy !req
346. - YES, RIGHT.Copy !req
347. JOKING.Copy !req
348. - I—I HAVE TO POWDER SOMETHING.Copy !req
349. - NO!
THAT'S NOT A BATHROOM!Copy !req
350. "HONK IF YOU LOVE ME"?Copy !req
351. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
352. - JACKIE, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO SEE THIS.Copy !req
353. I AM SO EMBARRASSED.Copy !req
354. UNLESS YOU'RE FLATTERED.Copy !req
355. - MY CHEERLEADING UNIFORM?Copy !req
356. A LOCK OF MY HAIR?Copy !req
357. WHAT'S THIS DOLL FOR?Copy !req
358. - NOTHING.Copy !req
359. - SO ALL THIS TIME,
YOU'VE HELD A CANDLE FOR ME?Copy !req
360. - YES.Copy !req
361. - YES!Copy !req
362. I'M THE ONE YOU NEVER GOT OVER!Copy !req
363. OH, THAT MUST BE TERRIBLE
FOR YOU.Copy !req
364. - JACKIE, WOULD YOU EVER
CONSIDER LEAVING GLENNCopy !req
365. FOR SOMEONE FAR BETTER
ON EVERY LEVEL?Copy !req
366. - GARY, YOU'RE SWEET,
BUT I LOVE GLENN.Copy !req
367. SURE, AT TIMES,
HE CAN BE A LUMMOX,Copy !req
368. BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT
THAT PUDGY GUT, WEAK CHIN,Copy !req
369. AND FLABBY BAT-WING ARMS
THAT MAKE ME SWOON.Copy !req
370. HE MIGHT GO OFF THE RAILS
ONCE IN A WHILE, YEAH,Copy !req
371. BUT HE ALWAYS FINDS HIMSELF
IN THE END.Copy !req
372. I AM MORTIFIED.Copy !req
373. WHAT MUST YOU THINK OF ME,
JACKIE?Copy !req
374. TURNED ON?Copy !req
375. - DON'T WORRY.
I WON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS.Copy !req
376. AND ONE DAY, YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE
WORTHY OF THIS SHRINE.Copy !req
377. HOPEFULLY NOT MY DAUGHTER.Copy !req
378. ASSEMBLE THE TEAM
AT THE OFFICE.Copy !req
379. IT'S TIME
FOR PLAN "METAMORPHOSIS."Copy !req
380. I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.Copy !req
381. MAKE IT TEN MINUTES.Copy !req
382. - GLENN, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE
FOR CONOR'S TAPING.Copy !req
383. GLENN?Copy !req
384. OH!Copy !req
385. OH, YOU'RE GIVING YOURSELF
LIPOSUCTION?Copy !req
386. - NO!Copy !req
387. WELL, SORT OF.Copy !req
388. JACKIE, I CAN'T GO TO
GENE SIMMONS' MALIBU BEACH HOUSECopy !req
389. LOOKING LIKE AN OVERWEIGHT SLOB.Copy !req
390. THAT'S WHY VINCE VAUGHN
GOT DROPPED FROM THE POSSE.Copy !req
391. - WHAT?Copy !req
392. OH, NO.
WE'RE GOING TO CONOR'S TAPING.Copy !req
393. YOU ARE NOT MISSING THIS.Copy !req
394. THE CHICKEN'S PARENTS
WILL BE THERE.Copy !req
395. - OH...Copy !req
396. - L.A. HAS CHANGED YOU.Copy !req
397. - SORRY, CAN'T HEAR YOU.Copy !req
398. - HEY, SEND CONOR
A CUPCAKE BASKET!Copy !req
399. TELL HIM IT'S FROM ME.Copy !req
400. - LESS CHIN.Copy !req
401. MORE DOUBLE CHIN!Copy !req
402. - ARE YOU SURE?Copy !req
403. - JUST DO IT!Copy !req
404. AND MORE GUT.Copy !req
405. WHY DO I STILL SEE
MY BELLY BUTTON?Copy !req
406. - BUT, DR. GARY,Copy !req
407. YOUR FIRST RULE OF MEDICINE
IS "DO NO HARM,"Copy !req
408. AND THIS IS HARM!Copy !req
409. - I WON'T BE PARTY TO THIS.Copy !req
410. HE'S...Copy !req
411. HIDEOUS!Copy !req
412. - PRECISELY!Copy !req
413. - YO, YO, YO!Copy !req
414. THE DENTIST IS IN.Copy !req
415. - HEY, DELIVERIES ARE OUT BACK
BY THE SERVICE DOOR, PAL.Copy !req
416. - NO, GENE-O, IT'S ME.
GLENN.Copy !req
417. FROM THE G-SPOT?Copy !req
418. DR. GARY'S PARTY?Copy !req
419. YOU SAID WE SHOULD HANG OUT
TODAY.Copy !req
420. - I DON'T REMEMBER SAYING THAT.Copy !req
421. SOMETIMES I'M NICE TO SCHLUBS
TO IMPRESS WOMEN, BUT...Copy !req
422. HEY, WAS THERE A WOMAN NEARBY?Copy !req
423. - NO, JUST MY WIFE.Copy !req
424. - OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.Copy !req
425. THAT MAKES SENSE.Copy !req
426. WHERE IS SHE?Copy !req
427. NUDING UP IN BACK?Copy !req
428. - NICE ONE.Copy !req
429. G-SIMM SERVING GLENN-MAR.Copy !req
430. HEY, WHERE DO YOU KEEP
THE SCOTCH?Copy !req
431. - DR. GARY,
YOU CANNOT LEAVE YET.Copy !req
432. YOU NEED TIME TO RECOVER.Copy !req
433. - NO, I'VE ALREADY LOST
20 YEARS.Copy !req
434. JACKIE WILL FINALLY BE MINE.Copy !req
435. WHOA, THIS IS GONNA TAKE
SOME GETTING USED TO.Copy !req
436. crash!Copy !req
437. - SO—SO WE'RE NOT FRIENDS?Copy !req
438. - NO.Copy !req
439. - BUT WE MADE THREE MINUTES OF
SMALL TALK AT A HOLLYWOOD PARTY,Copy !req
440. AND YOU DIDN'T SAY WE SHOULD
JUST HANG OUT SOMETIME.Copy !req
441. YOU SAID WE SHOULD TOTALLY
HANG OUT SOMETIME.Copy !req
442. AND ANOTHER THING,Copy !req
443. I BOUGHT A POUND CAKE,
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN PUT IT OUT.Copy !req
444. - HEY, GLENN—
IS THAT YOUR NAME?Copy !req
445. WHY ARE YOU HERE?Copy !req
446. YOU HAVE A FAMILY.Copy !req
447. THEY'RE OBLIGATED TO LISTEN
TO YOUR USELESS RAMBLINGS.Copy !req
448. ME, I'M ONLY OBLIGATED
TO ROCK AND ROLL!Copy !req
449. - SAY GOOD-BYE
TO YOUR TOOTH ENAMEL.Copy !req
450. - CONOR MARTIN,
WHAT AN INCREDIBLE COMEBACK.Copy !req
451. CHICKEN'S GOT HIS FEATHERS
RUFFLED.Copy !req
452. - BAWK-BAWK-BA-CAW!Copy !req
453. - OH, HONEY, YOU MADE IT.Copy !req
454. - WELL, LIKE YOU TOLD GARY ONCE,Copy !req
455. GLENN MARTIN MAY GO OFF
THE RAILS ONCE IN A WHILE,Copy !req
456. BUT GLENN MARTIN ALWAYS
FINDS HIMSELF IN THE END.Copy !req
457. - YOUR VOICE SOUNDS DIFFERENT.Copy !req
458. - EVERYONE'S VOICE
SOUNDS DIFFERENTCopy !req
459. WHEN THEY HEAR IT OUT LOUD.Copy !req
460. TRY LISTENING TO YOURSELF
ON AN ANSWERING MACHINE.Copy !req
461. - YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.Copy !req
462. WAIT. WHAT?Copy !req
463. - IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS.Copy !req
464. WHAT IS THE LARGEST PLANET
IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM?Copy !req
465. COME ON.Copy !req
466. YOU ALREADY KNOW
THE ANSWER.Copy !req
467. IT'S JUPITER.Copy !req
468. OH, SHUT UP, BRAIN.Copy !req
469. I'M TRYING TO DECIDE IF I SHOULD
GO THROUGH WITH THIS.Copy !req
470. - NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
I'M PROUD OF YOU.Copy !req
471. - ME TOO, GLENN JR.Copy !req
472. - I'LL ONLY BE PROUD IF YOU WIN.Copy !req
473. SEE, THIS IS YOUR CHANCECopy !req
474. TO PROVE TO HER
THAT YOU'RE SMART, STUPID.Copy !req
475. THE ANSWER IS...Copy !req
476. "E."Copy !req
477. THIS SHOW IS A FRAUD.Copy !req
478. - BA-CAW.Copy !req
479. - THAT'S RIGHT,
AMERICA AND CANADA.Copy !req
480. I AM NOT SMARTER THAN A CHICKEN.Copy !req
481. BUT I AM ALSO NOT A CHEATER.Copy !req
482. THAT MAN GAVE ME THE ANSWERS,Copy !req
483. AND NOW THE WHOLE WORLD
AND CANADACopy !req
484. KNOWS WHAT A LIE
THIS PROGRAM IS.Copy !req
485. - CONOR, IT TOOK A LOT OF GUTS
TO BRING US DOWN LIKE THATCopy !req
486. ON NATIONAL TV.Copy !req
487. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS,
WE WERE AT COMMERCIAL.Copy !req
488. - BA-CAW!Copy !req
489. - WHICH WAY
TO THE CHICKEN TAPING?Copy !req
490. THANK YOU.Copy !req
491. - MM-HMM.Copy !req
492. - EE-EE.Copy !req
493. - GARY?Copy !req
494. DID YOU STEAL MY FACE?Copy !req
495. - I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.Copy !req
496. - OOH!Copy !req
497. STILL WAITING
FOR THAT EXPLANATION!Copy !req
498. HEY, YOU, COME HERE!Copy !req
499. STOP THAT HANDSOME MAN!Copy !req
500. - HOW DO YOU RUN SO FAST
IN THIS THING?Copy !req
501. - AH!Copy !req
502. JACKIE!Copy !req
503. - WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON HERE?Copy !req
504. - KEEP SHOOTING, BOYS.Copy !req
505. IF ONE OF THEM GETS NAKED,
WE CAN SELL IT TO JAPAN.Copy !req
506. - GARY'S SURGEONS TRANSFORMED
HIM INTO MY EXACT DOUBLE.Copy !req
507. HE'S TRYING TO KIDNAP YOU.Copy !req
508. - WAIT.
THAT'S WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO SAY.Copy !req
509. THAT WAS VERY CLEVER.Copy !req
510. - FAMILY THAT I LOVE,
DO SOMETHING!Copy !req
511. - WHO DO I KILL?
WHO DO I KILL?Copy !req
512. - NO ONE!Copy !req
513. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KILL SOMEONE?Copy !req
514. - THIS IS CRAZY.Copy !req
515. WHICH ONE'S THE REAL GLENN?Copy !req
516. - HEY, I ASK THE QUESTIONS
AROUND HERE.Copy !req
517. - CHICKEN?Copy !req
518. - BA-CAW!Copy !req
519. - IS IT "A," THAT GUYCopy !req
520. OR "B," THE OTHER GUY?Copy !req
521. ding!
- BA-CAW!Copy !req
522. - OH, GREAT.
CHICKEN PICKS "DISNEYLAND."Copy !req
523. - WAIT, THIS IS MY CATEGORY.Copy !req
524. FOR THE CHANCE TO WIN
THE MARTIN FAMILYCopy !req
525. AND AVOID POSSIBLE JAIL TIME,Copy !req
526. WHAT IS MOM'S BIRTHDAY?Copy !req
527. - UM, NOVEMBER?Copy !req
528. - WRONG!
IT'S MAY 2ND.Copy !req
529. - MAY 2ND IS CORRECT.Copy !req
530. - HA! I WIN!Copy !req
531. - BUT HE'S THE REAL DAD.Copy !req
532. - BUT MOM'S BIRTHDAY IS MAY 2ND.Copy !req
533. - YEAH, AND DAD
NEVER REMEMBERS THAT.Copy !req
534. - THAT'S RIGHT.Copy !req
535. HE ALWAYS CONFUSES IT
WITH THE EXPIRATION DATECopy !req
536. ON HIS CREDIT CARD.Copy !req
537. COME HERE, HONEY.Copy !req
538. - FOILED!Copy !req
539. - I GOT TO CONFESS, CONOR,Copy !req
540. IN CERTAIN
ISOLATED INCIDENTS,Copy !req
541. YOU ARE SMARTER
THAN A CHICKEN.Copy !req
542. - THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED
TO HEAR.Copy !req
543. - WELL, ISN'T THAT TOUCHING.Copy !req
544. NOW LET'S DO A TAKE
WHERE THE CHICKEN GETS IT RIGHT.Copy !req
545. - GOOD-BYE, GARY.Copy !req
546. - THANKS FOR NOT
PRESSING CHARGES.Copy !req
547. I'M SORRY IF I ACTED
INAPPROPRIATELYCopy !req
548. AT ANY POINT DURING YOUR VISIT.Copy !req
549. OKAY, SEE YOU LATER, GARY.Copy !req
550. - HEY!Copy !req
551. - WELL, CAN'T BLAME A GUY
FOR TRYING.Copy !req
552. - YOU CERTAINLY CAN'T,Copy !req
553. ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M ON THE LINE.Copy !req
554. YOU KNOW, GARY, I WAS JUST GOING
TO THROW THIS TISSUE OUT...Copy !req
555. - OH, MINE!Copy !req
556. - WAIT.Copy !req
557. WE'RE NOT REPORTING
THIS NUT JOB TO THE POLICECopy !req
558. OR AT LEAST TMZ?Copy !req
559. - HIS ONLY CRIME
WAS THAT HE LOVED ME TOO MUCH.Copy !req
560. HE MUTILATED HIS FACE.
THAT'S PUNISHMENT ENOUGH.Copy !req
561. - WHOA, I WOULDN'T SAY
"MUTILATED."Copy !req
562. I THINK THAT'S A LITTLE HARSH.Copy !req
563. - LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE.Copy !req
564. - I'M SO SORRY, JACKIE.Copy !req
565. GARY GAVE UP EVERYTHING I WANTED
JUST TO GET WHAT I ALREADY HAD.Copy !req
566. I MUST HAVE IT PRETTY GOOD.Copy !req
567. - OH, GLENN.Copy !req
568. - SO, UH, YOU DIDN'T SLEEP
WITH DR. GARY, DID YOU?Copy !req
569. - NO, OF COURSE NOT.Copy !req
570. - RIGHT, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN,
ON SOME LEVEL,Copy !req
571. YOU KNEW HE WASN'T ME.Copy !req
572. - YEAH, THAT'S WHY.Copy !req