1. - THAT'S ME, GLENN MARTIN,
FATHER, DENTIST, LOVER,Copy !req
2. BUT MOSTLY FATHER
AND DENTIST.Copy !req
3. I TOOK MY FAMILY ON A ROAD TRIP
SO WE CAN GROW CLOSER.Copy !req
4. WELL, THAT, AND I BURNED
THE HOUSE DOWN.Copy !req
5. SO IT'S ME,
MY WIFE, JACKIE—Copy !req
6. SHE'S THE SWEETEST—
OH!Copy !req
7. OUR SON, CONOR,
THE LADIES' MAN,Copy !req
8. HIS SISTER, COURTNEY—Copy !req
9. WE'LL ALL BE WORKING
FOR HER ONE DAY.Copy !req
10. IN FACT, HER ASSISTANT WENDY
ALREADY IS.Copy !req
11. OOH, CAN'T FORGET CANINE.Copy !req
12. HE'S GOT A GIANT... HEART.Copy !req
13. WANT TO HEAR US WHISTLE?Copy !req
14. - MAGNIFICENT, HUH, KIDS?Copy !req
15. THIS IS
A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME EVENT.Copy !req
16. NOW IMAGINE
WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKECopy !req
17. HAD I GOTTEN US HERE ON TIME,Copy !req
18. WHEN THE REAL SPACE SHUTTLE
LAUNCHED.Copy !req
19. - THRILLING, DAD.Copy !req
20. CAN WE LEAVE NOW?Copy !req
21. THIS HUMIDITY IS
WRECKING OUR HAIR.Copy !req
22. - SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A KOREAN WITH A PERM?Copy !req
23. I MEAN, OTHER THAN KIM JONG IL?Copy !req
24. - YEAH, LET'S GO
TO GRANDMA'S, ALREADY.Copy !req
25. - OH, GRANDMA'S
NOT GOING ANYWHERE.Copy !req
26. SHE'S 80.Copy !req
27. - GLENN, ENOUGH PROCRASTINATING.Copy !req
28. IT'S TIME TO MEET
YOUR MOM'S NEW BOYFRIEND.Copy !req
29. - HE'S NOT MY FATHER!Copy !req
30. - GLENN.Copy !req
31. - FINE, LET'S GET IT OVER WITH.Copy !req
32. - AH, OKAY, BOY.Copy !req
33. FINE.Copy !req
34. ONE LAST TIME.Copy !req
35. OH, DUDE, I'M SORRY,
BUT I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.Copy !req
36. - YOU KNOW, YOU CAN BE A LITTLE
MORE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR MOM.Copy !req
37. IT'S GOOD
THAT SHE FOUND SOMEBODY.Copy !req
38. - I'M SORRY.Copy !req
39. I JUST FIND IT A LITTLE WEIRDCopy !req
40. THAT SHE'S JUMPING INTO
ANOTHER RELATIONSHIPCopy !req
41. RIGHT AFTER MY DAD DIED.Copy !req
42. - HE DIED 15 YEARS AGO.Copy !req
43. - LET THE BODY COOL OFF,
WILL YOU?Copy !req
44. - GIVE HER A BREAK.Copy !req
45. SHE WORSHIPS
THE GROUND YOU WALK ON.Copy !req
46. - YOU'RE EXAGGERATING.Copy !req
47. - WHERE ARE THE FIREWORKS?Copy !req
48. THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.Copy !req
49. - HEY, GRANDMA.Copy !req
50. - HI.Copy !req
51. - OH, CONOR, YOU GOT BRACES,Copy !req
52. AND YOU HAD TUNA FISH
FOR LUNCH.Copy !req
53. - YEAH.Copy !req
54. - COURTNEY, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.Copy !req
55. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
BUT LOOK HOW BIG YOU'VE GROWN.Copy !req
56. JACKIE.Copy !req
57. - HI, SHEILA.Copy !req
58. - GLENN,Copy !req
59. MY LITTLE DOODLEBUG!Copy !req
60. - OH, MA, STOP IT.Copy !req
61. ALL RIGHT,
NOW DO THE OTHER ONE.Copy !req
62. - THERE YOU GO,
TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK.Copy !req
63. I'M GONNA ADD THAT TO MY LIST
OF WAYS YOU'RE JUST LIKE JESUS.Copy !req
64. ALL RIGHT, MA,
WHERE IS THIS GUY?Copy !req
65. AND HE BETTER NOT BE
IN DAD'S CHAIR.Copy !req
66. - GLENN, YOU HAD THAT CHAIR
MOVED TO OUR HOUSE,Copy !req
67. WHICH YOU THEN BURNED DOWN.Copy !req
68. - GOOD.
NOW IT'S WITH DAD.Copy !req
69. - OH, THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME
TO MEET BURT.Copy !req
70. WHY DON'T WE ALL
JUST RELAX FIRST?Copy !req
71. - GLENN, BE NICE.Copy !req
72. - ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
73. I'LL KEEP AN OPEN MIND,Copy !req
74. BUT I'M GONNA HATE HIM
NO MATTER WHAT.Copy !req
75. - EVERYONE, I WOULD LIKE TO
PRESENT MY BOYFRIEND, BURT.Copy !req
76. - HELLO, EVERYBODY.Copy !req
77. HOLY SMOKES!Copy !req
78. KIDS, COME MEET GRANDPA BURT!Copy !req
79. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS UNDERRATED?Copy !req
80. ROSA PARKS.Copy !req
81. MARTIN LUTHER KING,
ALSO UNDERRATED.Copy !req
82. HARRY BELAFONTE
NEVER GOT HIS DUE.Copy !req
83. - UH-HUH.Copy !req
84. - SO, BURT, SHEILA SAYS
YOU'RE AN ACCOUNTANT.Copy !req
85. - WOW, THE THINGS
YOU MUST HAVE SEEN...Copy !req
86. - ACTUALLY, MY OFFICE
DIDN'T HAVE A WINDOW.Copy !req
87. - MY GOD, SOMETIMES I AM
SO ASHAMED OF THIS COUNTRY.Copy !req
88. - EH?Copy !req
89. - BURT, I UNDERSTAND YOU TWO
MET AT A SWIM CLASS.Copy !req
90. - JACKIE, THAT IS
WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE.Copy !req
91. SOMETIMES I DO NOT UNDERSTAND
HER SENSE OF HUMOR.Copy !req
92. - MM-HMM.Copy !req
93. - SO I WAS THINKING
YOU FELLAS COULD HIT THE LINKS.Copy !req
94. - GREAT IDEA.
- SOUNDS GOOD.Copy !req
95. - YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE
WITH THIS WOMAN.Copy !req
96. THE WHOLE TIME I'VE KNOWN HER,Copy !req
97. WE'VE SAID TWO WORDS
TO EACH OTHER,Copy !req
98. AND THEY WERE BOTH "SO."Copy !req
99. - JACKIE, YOU'LL BE FINE.Copy !req
100. OKAY, BURT,
LET'S BUST A MOVE.Copy !req
101. I ALWAYS SAY THAT PHRASE.Copy !req
102. - UGH, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.Copy !req
103. JEEZ, TAKE A HINT MINT.Copy !req
104. WHATCHA DOING?Copy !req
105. - PRO SHOP PAYS A DOLLAR
FOR EVERY GOLF BALL YOU FIND.Copy !req
106. - COOL.Copy !req
107. ONE BALL IS $1,
TWO BALLS IS $2.Copy !req
108. A THOUSAND BALLS IS—
WELL, I KNOW IT'S A LOT.Copy !req
109. OH.Copy !req
110. THEY'RE GONNA PAY BIG
FOR THIS ONE.Copy !req
111. DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANY DENTS.Copy !req
112. CANINE,
I'VE DEVELOPED OTHER INTERESTS,Copy !req
113. AND THEY DON'T INCLUDE YOU.Copy !req
114. thwack!Copy !req
115. - SO THAT'S OUR DEAL.Copy !req
116. YOUR MOTHER GOES DANCING WITH ME
ONCE A WEEK,Copy !req
117. AND I PROMISE
TO WATCH MY CHOLESTEROL.Copy !req
118. BY THE WAY,
THAT'S MY GRANDSON'S NAME.Copy !req
119. - CHOLESTEROL?Copy !req
120. OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NAME.Copy !req
121. I'M MESSING WITH YOU, GLENN.Copy !req
122. - OH, SORRY.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.Copy !req
123. I REALLY WANT THIS TO GO WELL.Copy !req
124. - NO NEED TO TRY HARD, GLENN.Copy !req
125. YOU AND I ARE GONNA BE
ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
126. - YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG
I'VE WAITED FOR YOU TO SAY THAT:Copy !req
127. SINCE LUNCH.Copy !req
128. - OKAY, THIS ISN'T WORKING.Copy !req
129. - I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.Copy !req
130. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?Copy !req
131. - I GOT THE NEED FOR SPEED!Copy !req
132. - LOOK OUT!
YOGA GRANNY!Copy !req
133. - MY BACK!
- MY WELLNESS!Copy !req
134. - STOP IT!Copy !req
135. OH, LOOK OUT!Copy !req
136. YOU JUST BROKE THAT.Copy !req
137. WE ARE GONNA BE
IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.Copy !req
138. - LIKE I'M SCARED OF ANYONE
WHO OWNS A PINK FLAMINGO.Copy !req
139. - NO!Copy !req
140. NO!Copy !req
141. FLAMINGO!Copy !req
142. YOU WILL BE AVENGED!Copy !req
143. - HAVE FUN AT SEAWORLD.Copy !req
144. DON'T SIT IN THE SPLASH ZONE.Copy !req
145. THERE'S WHALE FILTH IN THERE.Copy !req
146. - COME ON, GRANDMA,
ONE MORE TIME.Copy !req
147. - OKAY.Copy !req
148. pop!Copy !req
149. IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!Copy !req
150. - I STILL DON'T KNOW
HOW SHE DOES THAT.Copy !req
151. - I GOT TO SAY IT WAS
A REAL PLEASURE MEETING YOU.Copy !req
152. - YEAH, CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK
THREE YEARS FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.Copy !req
153. - THREE YEARS?
YOU MEAN THREE MONTHS.Copy !req
154. - DID I SAY YEARS?Copy !req
155. I MUST BE HAVING
ONE OF THOSE SENIOR MOMENTSCopy !req
156. JAY LENO'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT.Copy !req
157. HEY, WANT ME TO TEACH YOU
AN ELABORATE BLACK HANDSHAKE?Copy !req
158. - COME ON, BURT,
WHAT'S THE DEALIO?Copy !req
159. IF THERE'S A DEALIO, I'VE EARNED
THE RIGHT TO KNOW IT.Copy !req
160. - OKAY, IT'S TRUE.Copy !req
161. YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE BEEN
TOGETHER FOR THREE YEARS.Copy !req
162. - BUT WE'VE BEEN HERE
FIVE TIMES SINCE THEN.Copy !req
163. DID SHE HIDE YOU FROM ME?Copy !req
164. - NO.Copy !req
165. WELL, LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE,Copy !req
166. I HID IN THE CLOSET.Copy !req
167. HAD TO PEE
IN YOUR DAD'S TROPHY CUP.Copy !req
168. SHE WAS AFRAID YOU WOULDN'T BE
VERY OPEN-MINDED.Copy !req
169. - HOLD ON.
WHAT, NOW?Copy !req
170. - LET'S GO, LET'S GO.Copy !req
171. IT'S TIME TO BE ANYWHERE ELSE.Copy !req
172. - BUT I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE
TO SELL MY GOLF BALLS YET.Copy !req
173. - WHATEVER THEY'RE PAYING,
I'LL DOUBLE IT.Copy !req
174. HYAH!Copy !req
175. - ALL RIGHT, OFF YOU GO.Copy !req
176. FIGHT THE POWER.
DO THE RIGHT THING.Copy !req
177. - YEAH, BUT I JUST WANTED TO—
WHOA!Copy !req
178. - MY OWN MOTHER THINKS
I'M NOT OPEN-MINDED.Copy !req
179. THAT HURTS.Copy !req
180. I'M SO OPEN-MINDED.Copy !req
181. I VOTED FOR OBAMA.Copy !req
182. - SO DID I.Copy !req
183. - YOU VOTED FOR HIM BECAUSE
YOU THOUGHT HE WAS QUALIFIED.Copy !req
184. I VOTED FOR HIM
BECAUSE HE WAS BLACK.Copy !req
185. THAT'S OPEN-MINDED.Copy !req
186. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
187. - I NEED TO GET THIS
OFF MY CHEST.Copy !req
188. - BUT SEAWORLD!Copy !req
189. - GET REAL, JACKIE.Copy !req
190. I WAS NEVER GONNA PAY
FOR SEAWORLD.Copy !req
191. HEY, MA, I JUST WANTED—
WHOA!Copy !req
192. - DOODLE!
- GLENN!Copy !req
193. - SORRY TO CATCH YOU
IN FLAGRANTE,Copy !req
194. WHICH, BY THE WAY,
I'M OKAY WITH,Copy !req
195. BUT I NEED TO SET
THE RECORD STRAIGHT.Copy !req
196. MOM, FOR YOU TO THINK
THAT I WOULD HAVE A PROBLEMCopy !req
197. WITH BURT BEING A BLACK MAN
OF COLOR IS JUST—Copy !req
198. - WHAT?Copy !req
199. IT'S NOT BECAUSE BURT'S BLACK.Copy !req
200. - BUT THEN WHAT IS IT?Copy !req
201. - IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE SWINGERS.Copy !req
202. - HI!Copy !req
203. WE'RE THE SCHWARTZES.Copy !req
204. - SHABBAT SHALOM!Copy !req
205. - UGH.Copy !req
206. WHAT—WHAT HAPPENED?Copy !req
207. - WELL, YOU WALKED IN
ON ME AND BURT.Copy !req
208. THEN WE EXPLAINED
WE WERE SWINGERS.Copy !req
209. - UGH.Copy !req
210. - DOODLE, YOU'RE AWAKE.Copy !req
211. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO RUN THROUGH
THE SERIES OF EVENTS AGAIN?Copy !req
212. - NO, NO.
I THINK I GOT IT.Copy !req
213. - WOULD YOU MIND
SIGNING THIS RELEASE?Copy !req
214. THANKS.Copy !req
215. I MIGHT HAVE BURNED OFF
ONE OF YOUR NIPPLES.Copy !req
216. - YOU DIDN'T TIP THE PARAMEDIC.Copy !req
217. EH, I'LL GIVE HIM A DOLLAR.Copy !req
218. - MOTHER, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?Copy !req
219. - I'VE GOT SANKA!Copy !req
220. SO YOU'RE THE DENTIST.Copy !req
221. PERSONALLY, I DON'T KNOW HOWCopy !req
222. YOU PUT YOUR HANDS
INTO SO MANY STRANGERS' MOUTHS.Copy !req
223. - ME?Copy !req
224. - MMM. ESTHER,
YOUR CAKE IS SO MOIST.Copy !req
225. - SERIOUSLY, BURT.
SERIOUSLY?Copy !req
226. - I JUST FIND THIS FASCINATING.Copy !req
227. HOW DID YOU ALL CONNECT?Copy !req
228. I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT EVEN AWARE
OF THE INTERNET, RIGHT?Copy !req
229. - WELL, WE SAW A FLYER
FOR A SWING DANCING CLUB,Copy !req
230. BUT IT TURNED OUT—Copy !req
231. - CHICKA-CHICKA BOW-WOW,
CHICKA-CHICKA—Copy !req
232. - OKAY, PAJAMA PARTY'S OVER.Copy !req
233. EVERYONE OUT.Copy !req
234. - SORRY, GUYS.
I NEED TIME WITH MY SON.Copy !req
235. - BUT NOBODY'S TOUCHED
MY KUGEL.Copy !req
236. - WE'LL HAVE IT WEDNESDAY.Copy !req
237. AND REMEMBER, IT'S MOVIE NIGHT,
SO BRING YOUR CAMERA.Copy !req
238. - I'LL CALL YOU LATER,
SWEETIE.Copy !req
239. - SOMETHING YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT?Copy !req
240. - YES, AND I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.Copy !req
241. - I HAVE SEVERAL QUESTIONS,
SHEILA.Copy !req
242. WHOA!Copy !req
243. - WAKE UP!
MY GOLF BALL'S HATCHING.Copy !req
244. WHOA!Copy !req
245. A BABY DINOSAUR.Copy !req
246. - UH, YEAH,
THAT'S AN ALLIGATOR.Copy !req
247. - AND YOU'RE A MORON.Copy !req
248. - WE'RE GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS.Copy !req
249. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A PET.Copy !req
250. - OH, LOOKIE,
IT'S GETTING ITS FIRST TOOTH.Copy !req
251. - GLENN, WE NEED
TO TALK ABOUT YOUR MOM.Copy !req
252. - TALK ABOUT WHAT?Copy !req
253. I'M FINE.Copy !req
254. GOT MY OLD SLOT CARS OUT.Copy !req
255. GOT MY JAMMIES ON.Copy !req
256. COULDN'T BE BETTER ADJUSTED.Copy !req
257. STUPID SLOT CAR.Copy !req
258. I HATE YOU!Copy !req
259. - I KNOW YOUR
MOM'S NEW LIFESTYLECopy !req
260. IS A LITTLE HARD TO HANDLE,Copy !req
261. BUT YOU HAVE TO SEE IT
FROM HER POINT OF VIEW.Copy !req
262. - UGH.
WRINKLY GROSSNESS.Copy !req
263. - SHE HAD A WONDERFUL 40 YEARS
WITH YOUR FATHER,Copy !req
264. BUT NOW HE'S GONE, AND SHE'S
IN THE AUTUMN OF HER LIFE.Copy !req
265. THIS IS HER CHANCECopy !req
266. POSITIONS.Copy !req
267. - SORRY.Copy !req
268. I JUST FIND IT SO INTERESTING.Copy !req
269. IS IT LIKE A COCKTAIL PARTY,Copy !req
270. WHERE YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE
NO ONE'S BEING IGNOREDCopy !req
271. OR LIKE 7TH GRADE, WHERE
IT'S COOL TO IGNORE PEOPLE?Copy !req
272. - LET'S JUST GO TO SEAWORLD.Copy !req
273. I DON'T CARE WHAT IT COSTSCopy !req
274. OR HOW MUCH WHALE FECES
WE SIT IN.Copy !req
275. - GLENN CAMPBELL MARTIN,Copy !req
276. WE ARE NOT LEAVING
UNTIL YOU ACCEPT YOUR MOTHERCopy !req
277. FOR WHO SHE IS.Copy !req
278. - OKAY, THEN IT'S SETTLED.Copy !req
279. I'M JUST GONNA FIRE OFF
A QUICK EMAILCopy !req
280. TO IRA GLASS AT
THIS AMERICAN LIFE.Copy !req
281. OH!Copy !req
282. - WE DESTROYED
SOMEONE'S FLAMINGO.Copy !req
283. THAT'S PRIVATE PROPERTY.Copy !req
284. WE HAVE TO TURN OURSELVES IN.Copy !req
285. - OH, GOD, THAT'S WHAT
I CAN'T STAND ABOUT YOU.Copy !req
286. YOU HAVE NO GUTS.
- QUIT IT!Copy !req
287. - YOU HAVE NO SPINE.
- STOP!Copy !req
288. - NO GUTS.
- OW!Copy !req
289. - NO SPINE.
- AH!Copy !req
290. - LOOK, MY FINGERS ARE TOUCHING.Copy !req
291. - COMPLIMENTS OF THE CHEF.Copy !req
292. - both: OOH!Copy !req
293. - FANCY.Copy !req
294. - I AM AVI.Copy !req
295. BEFORE I RETIRE HERE,
I WAS AGENT FOR MOSSAD.Copy !req
296. YOU KNOW MOSSAD?Copy !req
297. LIKE YOUR FBI
BUT WITH MORE UZI.Copy !req
298. - I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALK—Copy !req
299. - YOU BROKE MY FLAMINGO.Copy !req
300. I WANT CONFESSION.Copy !req
301. YOU HEARD OF TEL AVIV?Copy !req
302. NOW YOU TELL AVI.Copy !req
303. - YOU GOT NOTHING ON US.Copy !req
304. - NOT YET.Copy !req
305. BUT I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU.Copy !req
306. - SO MANY CHOICES.Copy !req
307. - THAT'S THE GOOD THING
ABOUT THESE PLACES.Copy !req
308. YOU CAN DIP YOUR FORK
IN A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.Copy !req
309. - COME ON, THIS IS
A FAMILY RESTAURANT.Copy !req
310. - GLENN.Copy !req
311. - THAT'S RIGHT, CONOR.Copy !req
312. YOU CAN HAVE
CHINESE AND ITALIAN.Copy !req
313. PERSONALLY,
I'D GET MEXICAN EVERY DAYCopy !req
314. IF MY BODY COULD HANDLE IT.Copy !req
315. IN ABOUT AN HOUR,Copy !req
316. SHE'LL BE SO STUFFED, SHE WON'T
BE ABLE TO WALK OUT OF HERE.Copy !req
317. - NO, SON.Copy !req
318. GOOD PEOPLE PICK ONE DISH
AND STICK TO IT.Copy !req
319. YOUR MOTHER AND I
MADE A COMMITMENT TO EGG SALADCopy !req
320. AND PLAN TO EAT IT FOREVER.Copy !req
321. RIGHT, HONEY?Copy !req
322. - OOH, THEY HAVE FOUR KINDS
OF SAUSAGES HERE.Copy !req
323. I'M IN HEAVEN.Copy !req
324. - JACKIE!Copy !req
325. HAS NO ONE ANY DECENCY?Copy !req
326. - DOODLEBUG,
YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE.Copy !req
327. - SCENE?Copy !req
328. THIS WHOLE PLACE IS A SCENE.Copy !req
329. LOOK AT THOSE TWO GETTING IT ON
RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.Copy !req
330. - THAT'S IT!Copy !req
331. YOU EITHER TALK TO YOUR MOTHER,Copy !req
332. OR I'M TAKING YOU
TO A THERAPIST.Copy !req
333. - FINE.Copy !req
334. MOTHER, THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT TO TELL YOU.Copy !req
335. YOU JUST PUT YOUR ONLY SON
IN THERAPY.Copy !req
336. - SOMETIMES MY FATHER
DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO I AM.Copy !req
337. - I HAD TO TAKE AWAY
MOM'S LICENSE,Copy !req
338. HER LAST LINK TO INDEPENDENCE.Copy !req
339. - I DON'T MEAN TO TURN THIS
INTO A COMPETITION,Copy !req
340. BUT I CAN TOP ALL OF YOU.Copy !req
341. MY MOM MAKES WHOOPEE
WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS.Copy !req
342. - THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?Copy !req
343. MY FATHER HASN'T LEFT HIS BED
IN 12 YEARS.Copy !req
344. - CHECK UNDER THE BLANKET,
SWEETIE.Copy !req
345. MY MOM MIGHT BE
IN THERE WITH HIM.Copy !req
346. - UM, I THINK
YOU NEED TO LEAVE.Copy !req
347. - FIVE YEARS AGO,
SHE COULDN'T TOUCH HER TOES.Copy !req
348. NOW SHE'S DOING THIS
AND THIS AND THIS.Copy !req
349. - WAIT, IS YOUR MOM
SHEILA MARTIN,Copy !req
350. SHEILA THE SQUEALA?Copy !req
351. HA!Copy !req
352. - I'LL KILL YOU!Copy !req
353. WHERE'S MY MOM?Copy !req
354. - BOOK CLUB
AT THE SCHWARTZES'.Copy !req
355. - BOOK CLUB?Copy !req
356. - OKAY, ORGY.Copy !req
357. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO GO THERE.Copy !req
358. WELL, I SUPPOSE
I COULD TAG ALONG.Copy !req
359. - DROP IN YOUR GOLF CART KEYS
OR YOUR MEDICAL ALERT BRACELET.Copy !req
360. - GLENN!
LOU SCHWARTZ.Copy !req
361. YOU OWE ME A DOLLAR.Copy !req
362. - HI, JACKIE MARTIN
FOR THIS AMERICAN LIFE.Copy !req
363. - DON'T BE FOOLED
BY THESE WINGS.Copy !req
364. I AIN'T NO ANGEL.Copy !req
365. - WHERE IS SHE?
- OH, GLENN.Copy !req
366. UH, WE WERE JUST IN THE MIDDLE
OF OUR BOOK CLUB.Copy !req
367. I LIKE THE SYMBOLISM
IN CHAPTER TWO.Copy !req
368. - WHERE IS SHE?Copy !req
369. - CHECK IN THE REAR.Copy !req
370. - MOTHER!Copy !req
371. OOH.Copy !req
372. SORRY, FOLKS.Copy !req
373. I WAS LOOKING FOR MY MOTHER.Copy !req
374. CARRY ON.Copy !req
375. - DOWN HERE, DOODLEBUG.Copy !req
376. - THAT'S IT.Copy !req
377. I'M MOVING YOU
OUT OF THIS PLACE.Copy !req
378. - OOH.Copy !req
379. - AH, PRETTY SWANK, HUH, MA?Copy !req
380. WE'LL DROP YOU OFF TODAY,Copy !req
381. AND TOMORROW WE'LL BRING
THE REST OF YOUR STUFF.Copy !req
382. - BUT THIS PLACE
LOOKS SO DEPRESSING.Copy !req
383. - TRUST ME, THIS PLACE IS GREAT.Copy !req
384. IT'S GOT THE SMELL
OF A REAL INSTITUTION.Copy !req
385. AND LOOK, RIGHT HERE,
THREE NEW FRIENDS.Copy !req
386. TWO NEW FRIENDS.Copy !req
387. - WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY,
GLENN.Copy !req
388. - GRANDMA, COULD YOU DO IT
AGAIN?Copy !req
389. pop!Copy !req
390. - IT'S SO COLD IN THIS—OH!Copy !req
391. - MM, I'M SORRY, SWEETHEART.Copy !req
392. NO SHARP OBJECTS.Copy !req
393. WE GOT TO GET YOUR YOUNGER
SISTER FIT FOR AN OPEN GOWN.Copy !req
394. - YOUNGER SISTER.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?Copy !req
395. GREAT OFF-THE-CUFF HUMOR.Copy !req
396. - I DON'T GET IT.Copy !req
397. WHY DON'T YOU WANT
GRANDMA TO BE WITH BURT?Copy !req
398. - YEAH, DR. MARTIN?Copy !req
399. HOW DO I SAY THIS
TO A CHILD?Copy !req
400. IT'S BECAUSE BURT IS BLACK.Copy !req
401. - GLENN!Copy !req
402. - DO YOU WANT ME
TO TELL 'EM THE TRUTH?Copy !req
403. - UH, IT'S TRUE, DEAR.Copy !req
404. YOUR FATHER'S A HORRIBLE RACIST.Copy !req
405. HOW CAN YOU FEEL GOOD
ABOUT THIS?Copy !req
406. SHE WAS SO HAPPY WITH HIM.Copy !req
407. - YEAH, BUT WHAT DO WE KNOW
ABOUT BURT?Copy !req
408. SURE, HE'S LIKE MORGAN FREEMAN,Copy !req
409. BUT MORGAN FREEMAN DOESN'T
ALWAYS PLAY THE GOOD GUY.Copy !req
410. SOMETIMES HE'S THE BAD GUY
WHO YOU THINK IS THE GOOD GUY.Copy !req
411. WE CAN'T TAKE A CHANCE ON WHAT
KIND OF MORGAN FREEMAN BURT IS.Copy !req
412. - FOR LIABILITY REASONS,
RESIDENTS ARE FORBIDDEN TO WALK.Copy !req
413. - WOW, FIRST CLASS!Copy !req
414. - "MEET THE HOST OF ISRAEL'S
AMERICAN IDLE?"Copy !req
415. HUH.
WHY NOT?Copy !req
416. - AHA!
- IT'S A TRAP.Copy !req
417. - YOU'RE NOT THE HOST
OF ISRAEL'S AMERICAN IDLE.Copy !req
418. - ACTUALLY, I WAS.
THREE SEASONS.Copy !req
419. SO IF YOU LIKE,
I GIVE AUTOGRAPH.Copy !req
420. THEN I GET CONFESSION.Copy !req
421. - WHAT DO YOU THINK
THIS LITTLE BOY WOULD SAYCopy !req
422. IF HE KNEW YOU WERE
LOCKING HIS MOMMY UP IN A HOME?Copy !req
423. - THAT LITTLE BOY DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEESCopy !req
424. AND BEES AND BEES AND BEES.Copy !req
425. - WHO'S THE CUTEST LITTLE—Copy !req
426. - JUST KEEP YOUR COOL
AND STICK TO THE STORY.Copy !req
427. - WE NEVER CAME UP WITH A STORY.Copy !req
428. - ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, I'M GOING
TO LAY IT ALL ON THE TABLE.Copy !req
429. SIX-DAY WAR, DAY ONE.Copy !req
430. DAY TWO.Copy !req
431. DAY THREE.Copy !req
432. DAY FOUR.Copy !req
433. DAY FIVE... I CANNOT SHOW YOU.Copy !req
434. - OKAY, YOU'RE MORE THAN
A LITTLE SCARY,Copy !req
435. BUT YOU HAVE NOTHING.Copy !req
436. - OH, NO?Copy !req
437. AVI FINDS SECURITY TAPE OF YOU
MURDERING BELOVED FLAMINGO.Copy !req
438. NOW, YOU CONFESS HERE,
AVI SHOW LENIENCY,Copy !req
439. OR ELSE AVI TURN TAPE
OVER TO POLICE.Copy !req
440. THIS GO ON PERMANENT RECORD.Copy !req
441. GOOD LUCK
GETTING INTO BRANDEIS.Copy !req
442. - BRANDEIS?
THAT WAS MY BACKUP BACKUP.Copy !req
443. HOW'D I GET TO THIS PLACE?Copy !req
444. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
445. MY LIFE IS FLASHING BE—Copy !req
446. - PLAY THE TAPE.Copy !req
447. - AVI SAYS, "WHAT?"Copy !req
448. - COURTNEY ALSO SAYS, "WHAT?"Copy !req
449. - YOU SAY YOU HAVE PROOF.
LET'S SEE IT.Copy !req
450. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
451. - GROWING A SPINE
LIKE THE LAND MAMMAL I AM.Copy !req
452. - OKAY.Copy !req
453. AVI PLAY TAPE.Copy !req
454. GETTING CLOSER.Copy !req
455. - I THINK YOU'RE BLUFFING.Copy !req
456. - I THINK YOU'RE BLUFFING.Copy !req
457. - REALLY?Copy !req
458. WELL, I'M GUESSING
YOU BLINK FIRST.Copy !req
459. - DAMN IT.
AVI BLINK FIRST.Copy !req
460. - I'VE GOT TO ADMIT IT, WEN.Copy !req
461. UNDER FIRE,
YOU'RE BRAVER THAN I AM.Copy !req
462. - I THINK
WE'RE BOTH PRETTY BRAVE.Copy !req
463. - GET IN THERE.Copy !req
464. OW!Copy !req
465. - HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?Copy !req
466. IS THAT AN ALLIGATOR?Copy !req
467. - YEAH, IT'S MY NEW PET.
OW!Copy !req
468. - CONOR, YOU CAN'T JUST PUT
A COLLAR ON SOMETHINGCopy !req
469. AND CALL IT A PET.Copy !req
470. - GOOD BOY.Copy !req
471. NOW HEEL.Copy !req
472. - BUT I LOVE HIM,
AND I WANT TO PROTECT HIM.Copy !req
473. - WELL, IT'S NOT GONNA BE
VERY HAPPY IN THERE.Copy !req
474. JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE SOMETHING,Copy !req
475. IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU KNOW
WHAT'S BEST FOR IT.Copy !req
476. pop!Copy !req
477. - WHAT HAVE I DONE?Copy !req
478. SET HER FREE, SON.Copy !req
479. MAKE HER HAPPY.Copy !req
480. - BUT IT'S A BOY.Copy !req
481. HIS NAME'S MITCH.Copy !req
482. - YOU KNOW WHERE MY MOTHER IS?Copy !req
483. - SHE'S PROBABLY AT
ONE OF OUR MANY FUN ACTIVITIES.Copy !req
484. LET'S SEE...Copy !req
485. STILLWELL FUNERAL,
HEINRICH FUNERAL—Copy !req
486. OOPS, THAT'S BEEN POSTPONED.Copy !req
487. HE IS A FIGHTER.Copy !req
488. thump!Copy !req
489. - WE ARE HERE TO CELEBRATE
THE LIFE OF—Copy !req
490. OH, I KNOW I'M GONNA
EMBARRASS MYSELFCopy !req
491. TRYING TO PRONOUNCE THIS.Copy !req
492. - MA, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.Copy !req
493. - THERE'S NOTHING
LEFT TO SAY, GLENN.Copy !req
494. YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED.Copy !req
495. - NO, YOU DON'T BELONG HERE.Copy !req
496. LET ME JUST—Copy !req
497. - I SAID I HAVE
NOTHING LEFT TO SAY.Copy !req
498. - AND IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO'D
LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT—Copy !req
499. UH, YIKES, THAT'S A LOT
OF CONSONANTS—Copy !req
500. I INVITE YOU TO COME UP NOW.Copy !req
501. - NAH, I GOT THIS.Copy !req
502. DEAR FRIENDS, ALL HER LIFE,Copy !req
503. THE DECEASED ONLY WANTEDCopy !req
504. TO MAKE ME HAPPY,Copy !req
505. AND YET, WHEN SHE FINALLY
FOUND HAPPINESS,Copy !req
506. I RUINED IT.Copy !req
507. SHE ASKED ME TO UNDERSTAND
HER VORACIOUS CARNAL DESIRES,Copy !req
508. AND I WAS JUST TOO FREAKED OUT
TO TRY.Copy !req
509. - I THOUGHT AUNTIE WAS A NUN.Copy !req
510. - LUGAMUGIN, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME,
AND I KNOW YOU CANCopy !req
511. BECAUSE I'M LOOKING RIGHT
AT YOU, LET ME TAKE YOU HOME.Copy !req
512. THERE'S A BIG WATER BEDCopy !req
513. FULL OF PEOPLE
WHO ARE READY TO LOVE YOU.Copy !req
514. - OH, DOODLE.Copy !req
515. - YOU STAY AWAY
FROM MY AUNTIE, SICKO!Copy !req
516. - YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A PIECE
OF MY HEART, MITCH,Copy !req
517. AND A CHUNK OF MY THUMB.Copy !req
518. COME ON, BOY, LET'S GO PLAY.Copy !req
519. snap!Copy !req
520. - THANK YOU, GLENN.Copy !req
521. IT TAKES A BIG MAN
TO ADMIT HIS MISTAKES.Copy !req
522. - MA, BURT, I WISH YOU A
LIFETIME OF EXPLORING TOGETHER,Copy !req
523. AT LEAST UNTIL THE GOOD VOTERS
OF FLORIDACopy !req
524. PASS A PROPOSITION TO BAN IT.Copy !req
525. - JUST SO YOU KNOW,Copy !req
526. BURT AND I GONNA TRY
THOSE SWING DANCING CLASSES,Copy !req
527. AND MAYBE SOMEDAY WE'LL SLOW
DOWN ON THE OTHER STUFF.Copy !req
528. - WELL, YOU KNOW ME, MA.Copy !req
529. I'M HAPPY AS LONG
AS YOU'RE HAPPY.Copy !req
530. - I'M PROUD OF YOU, GLENN.Copy !req
531. YOU DO KNOW
THE SCHWARTZES WERE HIDINGCopy !req
532. BEHIND THE CURTAINS, RIGHT?Copy !req
533. - OH, YEAH.
I COULD SMELL HER KUGEL.Copy !req
534. NOW LET'S GET OUT OF HERECopy !req
535. BEFORE HELL OPENS UP
AND SWALLOWS US ALL.Copy !req