1. When did you start cooking,
terri?Copy !req
2. Oh, it's just
hamburger casserole.Copy !req
3. Look out for bones.Copy !req
4. I'm sorry. I, um...Copy !req
5. I can't hold it in any longer.Copy !req
6. Um...Copy !req
7. Mom, dad.Copy !req
8. Terri's pregnant.
what?Copy !req
9. It's a boy.Copy !req
10. Oh!Copy !req
11. Our first grandbaby!Copy !req
12. Oh, that's fantastic.Copy !req
13. Thank you, yeah.
sweetheart. Honey?Copy !req
14. Yeah?
i thought we weren't
going to tell anybody yet.Copy !req
15. Oh your secret is safe
with me. i spent six monthsCopy !req
16. In the hanoi hilton,
never said a word.Copy !req
17. Am i right, doodle?
that's right, honey.Copy !req
18. (chuckling)
oh.Copy !req
19. Yeah, we're going to turn the
craft room into the nursery.Copy !req
20. (gasps)
show me!Copy !req
21. Okay.Copy !req
22. I'm really happy for you, son.Copy !req
23. Tell you the truth,
i'm terrified.Copy !req
24. I don't know how to do this.Copy !req
25. No one does.Copy !req
26. Look at me. i was a mess.Copy !req
27. I worked all the
time, traveling.Copy !req
28. I was too strict.Copy !req
29. Okay, you're
not instillingCopy !req
30. With a great deal
of confidence here, dad.Copy !req
31. I mean, i'm already up
all night thinking about this.Copy !req
32. That's my fault—
the confidence thing.Copy !req
33. Boys learn that
from their fathers.Copy !req
34. I started at zuckerman
and zuckerman in college.Copy !req
35. I needed some extra cash.Copy !req
36. I was saving up...Copy !req
37. for law school.Copy !req
38. But i never went.Copy !req
39. I never even applied.Copy !req
40. Didn't have the balls.Copy !req
41. So, i settled
for insurance.Copy !req
42. I mean, who was i
to become a lawyer?Copy !req
43. You would have
been a great one.Copy !req
44. You're the smartest
guy i know.Copy !req
45. It's not about brains, son.Copy !req
46. Being a good father—
hell, being a man—Copy !req
47. Is all about one thing:Copy !req
48. Guts.Copy !req
49. And you've got about six months
to figure out if you have any.Copy !req
50. five, six,Copy !req
51. Seven, eight. Step and step.Copy !req
52. Step and step.Copy !req
53. And turn it around.Copy !req
54. Down and up.Copy !req
55. And hit, hit...
down... hit...Copy !req
56. Can we stop, please?Copy !req
57. You don't have to ask me
every time for permission to goCopy !req
58. To the bathroom, rachel.
you can just go.Copy !req
59. It's not my bladder.Copy !req
60. It's the choreography.Copy !req
61. Okay, what's wrong
with the choreography?Copy !req
62. It sucks.
it's completely
unoriginal.Copy !req
63. Are you guys going to get
shunned for talking to me?Copy !req
64. Sweetie, we're a team now.Copy !req
65. But you've got to do something
about mr. shue's dance routines.Copy !req
66. We can't compete with vocal
adrenaline with these steps.Copy !req
67. You're a great
vocal coach, mr. shue,Copy !req
68. But you're not a...
a trained choreographer.Copy !req
69. That's what we need
to be the best.Copy !req
70. We need dakota stanley.Copy !req
71. He's the best show choir
choreographer in the midwest.Copy !req
72. We works
with vocal adrenaline.Copy !req
73. You can't take regionals
without him.Copy !req
74. He was the understudy
to the candelabraCopy !req
75. in beauty and the
beast on broadway.Copy !req
76. Just because he understudied
doesn't mean he ever performed.Copy !req
77. Did you ever perform,
mr. schuester?Copy !req
78. After high school.
did you even try?Copy !req
79. i wanted to.
that was my dream, you know?Copy !req
80. I-i just never had...Copy !req
81. The guts?Copy !req
82. They say it takes more certainty
than talent to be a star.Copy !req
83. I mean, look at, um...Copy !req
84. Look at john stamos.Copy !req
85. I don't know.Copy !req
86. I guess i'm also just nervous
about being a dad.Copy !req
87. You know, i want my kid
to be proud of me.Copy !req
88. I want to set a good
example, you know?Copy !req
89. I... i hope it's cool—
me unloading on you like this.Copy !req
90. I don't want there
to be any awkwardness.Copy !req
91. Oh, no. no, none at all.Copy !req
92. I mean, you know,
especially sinceCopy !req
93. We're, um, we're both
in relationships now.Copy !req
94. It's both of us.
right.Copy !req
95. I'm in a relationship.
you're in a relationship.Copy !req
96. Exactly, yeah.Copy !req
97. How's it going with ken?Copy !req
98. Great. It's great.
it's wonderful.Copy !req
99. I mean, you know,
he's-he's flawed,Copy !req
100. But he-he knows who he is,
and that's-that's greatCopy !req
101. And there really isCopy !req
102. Nothing sexier in a man
than confidence, you know?Copy !req
103. captioning sponsored by
20th century foxCopy !req
104. sandy!Copy !req
105. I thought you weren't
allowed d wed on campus.Copy !req
106. No, william. I'm not allowed
within 50 feet of children.Copy !req
107. Besides,
henri and i go way back.Copy !req
108. I got him a job before
we even had a shop class.Copy !req
109. I told figgins that you
are going to have a schoolCopy !req
110. Full of nancies
unless you get some hot woodCopy !req
111. In those teenagers' hands.Copy !req
112. Here comes henri.Copy !req
113. Ah, shoot.Copy !req
114. Terri was supposed
to bring a cake.Copy !req
115. I'm back.Copy !req
116. henri had a little problemCopy !req
117. with over-the-counter
cough medicine.Copy !req
118. he ended up cutting off
his thumbs.Copy !req
119. it was a real tragedy.Copy !req
120. I'll never hitchhike
across europe.Copy !req
121. That was a dream, man.Copy !req
122. Where's terri?Copy !req
123. Doing inventory.Copy !req
124. I can't count higher than 30.Copy !req
125. You know,Copy !req
126. This is nice. I can't
remember the last timeCopy !req
127. I just hung out
with the guys,Copy !req
128. Really talked about
our feelings.Copy !req
129. Want to know what i'm feeling?Copy !req
130. I live at the ymca. I only
have one pair of long pants.Copy !req
131. Oh, please. My life is a
disaster with no creative outletCopy !req
132. other than writing my desperate
housewives fan fiction.Copy !req
133. I'm afraid of my vacuum.Copy !req
134. I know how you guys feel.Copy !req
135. I apparently don't
know how to dance.Copy !req
136. I don't have thumbs.Copy !req
137. Uh...Copy !req
138. Sorry.Copy !req
139. Hey, that was
pretty good.Copy !req
140. (men beatboxing)
two weeks ago, i would have
agreed that four grown menCopy !req
141. rehearsing a capella hip-hopCopy !req
142. in my living room
was embarrassing.Copy !req
143. but busting out some white-hot
new jack swing...Copy !req
144. i'll tell u,
i've never felt more confident.Copy !req
145. testotertones.
was more manly.Copy !req
146. and then we heard a single word
leave howard's lips,Copy !req
147. and we knew we had our name.Copy !req
148. Acafellas.Copy !req
149. I'm ready for my close-up,
mr. demille.Copy !req
150. Sandy, we voted. When you're
in the group, it's creepy.Copy !req
151. Wait. I...Copy !req
152. Will!Copy !req
153. If i don't get some sleep,
i could miscarry.Copy !req
154. I'm sorry, terri.
i'll be right in.Copy !req
155. I hope so.Copy !req
156. being in a boy band did wonders
for our love life.Copy !req
157. seeing me feel so good
about myselfCopy !req
158. made my wife more attracted
to me in every way.Copy !req
159. it was amazing. I mean, we
started doing it once a week.Copy !req
160. it was like she was trying
to make a twin.Copy !req
161. He's not coming.Copy !req
162. What happened?Copy !req
163. They're my famous sugar cookies.Copy !req
164. I bake them for the poor
during christmastime,Copy !req
165. But i whipped up a special batchCopy !req
166. Just for you.Copy !req
167. I wanted to say how sorry
i was for what i said.Copy !req
168. Don't be. you were right.Copy !req
169. You know, the truth is, rachel,
if you weren't so hard on me,Copy !req
170. I never would have had the guts
to start acafellas.Copy !req
171. But we need you, mr. shue.Copy !req
172. You've missed six rehearsals
in the past couple of weeks,Copy !req
173. And when you're there,
you're not really there.Copy !req
174. Which is why i think you should
go ahead and hire montana.Copy !req
175. Dakota.
whatever.Copy !req
176. You know,Copy !req
177. I'll still be there to help
you guys sing and stuff,Copy !req
178. But, uh, i just don't have time
for all of it anymore.Copy !req
179. Of course he doesn't wantCopy !req
180. Anything to do with us after
you kicked him in the nads.Copy !req
181. Then why did he thank me?Copy !req
182. the goal is to win.Copy !req
183. And now that
mr. schuester has agreedCopy !req
184. To let us hire dakota stanley,Copy !req
185. We can.Copy !req
186. But he doesn't want us to.
he just doesn't haveCopy !req
187. The confidence to
coach us anymore.Copy !req
188. Guys are real sensitive when
it comes to this kind of stuff.Copy !req
189. And that's my fault?Copy !req
190. Do you see anyone else in hereCopy !req
191. With a plate
of "i'm sorry" cookies?Copy !req
192. I don't. Just you.Copy !req
193. I'm bored.Copy !req
194. All those in favor of
hiring dakota stanley?Copy !req
195. Hey, wait up.Copy !req
196. You can't do this
to mr. schuester.Copy !req
197. What? make him a hero?Copy !req
198. Once we hire dakota
and win nationals,Copy !req
199. He'll thank me for it.Copy !req
200. You heard santana.
it's all about winning.Copy !req
201. Since when?Copy !req
202. Look, you have your popular
clique and your footballCopy !req
203. And your cliché
of a blond girlfriendCopy !req
204. Glee is my one shot.Copy !req
205. If this doesn't work out,
then my whole high school lifeCopy !req
206. Will be nothing
but an embarrassment.Copy !req
207. What's a cliché?
is that a bad thing?Copy !req
208. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.Copy !req
209. Where you're pissed
about one thing,Copy !req
210. But you're just pretendingCopy !req
211. Like you're pissed
about something else?Copy !req
212. 'cause...Copy !req
213. I don't know what
you're talking about.Copy !req
214. Well, for a while there,
you were kind of all over meCopy !req
215. And now you just yell at me
all the time.Copy !req
216. It makes me think
that you're still upsetCopy !req
217. About what happened
in the auditorium.Copy !req
218. I'm not.Copy !req
219. I've moved on and i'm focusing
on my career now.Copy !req
220. So you want to
talk about it?
no.Copy !req
221. And neither do you.Copy !req
222. It's kind of ironic
how you're mr. popularCopy !req
223. And i'm just this nobody
that everybody makes fun of,Copy !req
224. But i have enough confidence
to say out loudCopy !req
225. That what happened between us
in the auditorium was real.Copy !req
226. You have feelings for meCopy !req
227. And you just don't have
the guts to admit it.Copy !req
228. We're hiring dakota stanley.Copy !req
229. Even if it means
me quitting?Copy !req
230. Yes.Copy !req
231. It's a good start.Copy !req
232. You're sewing the seeds
of destruction.Copy !req
233. Mr. schuester barely even
shows up for rehearsals.Copy !req
234. Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
235. "barely" will not cut it.Copy !req
236. I will not be satisfied
until glee club is disbanded.Copy !req
237. And what about
this dakota character?Copy !req
238. Any chance he actually helps?Copy !req
239. They're soft.Copy !req
240. He'll eat them alive.Copy !req
241. I give them 15 minutes
before the first one quitsCopy !req
242. Or tries to commit suicide.Copy !req
243. You know, ladies...Copy !req
244. I learned a lot
in special forces.Copy !req
245. I was on the strike team
in panamaCopy !req
246. When we
extracted noriega.Copy !req
247. We took out the shepherd...Copy !req
248. Then we went after the sheep.Copy !req
249. You need to go after
these glee clubbersCopy !req
250. One by one.Copy !req
251. I want my full budget restored.Copy !req
252. I need a fog machine.Copy !req
253. Have you ever
kissed anybody?Copy !req
254. Yes.Copy !req
255. If by someone you mean
the tender crook of my elbow.Copy !req
256. No, i haven't.Copy !req
257. But i want to.Copy !req
258. All right, stop it
right there, mercedes.Copy !req
259. We are in glee club.Copy !req
260. That means we are at the
bottom of the social heap.Copy !req
261. Special ed kids will get
more play than we will.Copy !req
262. The only thing
that gets me byCopy !req
263. Is my knowledge that we
are superior to all of them.Copy !req
264. What are you wearingCopy !req
265. On our operation
dakota stanley field trip?Copy !req
266. Is there a dress code?Copy !req
267. No, but every moment
of your lifeCopy !req
268. Is an opportunity
for fashion.Copy !req
269. We'll hit the mall
after school.Copy !req
270. Meet me
at lunch.
okay.Copy !req
271. You should
totally scoop that.Copy !req
272. I don't think
i'm his type.Copy !req
273. Oh, i think you are.Copy !req
274. Just follow our lead.Copy !req
275. We've got your back.Copy !req
276. Yay, ken.Copy !req
277. Ken tanaka.Copy !req
278. in my own little way,Copy !req
279. i felt like i was finally...Copy !req
280. a star.Copy !req
281. Thank you so much.Copy !req
282. Acafellas!Copy !req
283. Hey!Copy !req
284. Son, this is huge.Copy !req
285. We just sold all 17
copies of your cd.Copy !req
286. I didn't even have to show
any of them my bosoms.Copy !req
287. Doodle honey, you go
get yourself a sanka.Copy !req
288. Yeah.
okay.Copy !req
289. Thanks, mom.Copy !req
290. Good job.Copy !req
291. I bought one
for my grandson.Copy !req
292. So he can hear
for himselfCopy !req
293. How good his old man was.Copy !req
294. Ah.Copy !req
295. Shue, that was
an amazing performance.Copy !req
296. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
297. I mean, we're just
starting out, so...Copy !req
298. Look, there's a pta meeting
next thursday nightCopy !req
299. And i want acafellas to beCopy !req
300. The main event.Copy !req
301. I need those
parents happy.Copy !req
302. They found out
we've been servingCopy !req
303. Their children
prison food.Copy !req
304. uh-huh.Copy !req
305. Great job, son.Copy !req
306. Well... "is it too soon
to call will schuesterCopy !req
307. "the next michael buble?Copy !req
308. "the audience last thursday
at benchwarmers sports barCopy !req
309. "didn't think so.Copy !req
310. "and ken tanaka's
smoky baritoneCopy !req
311. "is like a cool fogCopy !req
312. "that sweeps over a deep ocean
of emotional intensity.Copy !req
313. "a big thumbs-up
to henri st. pierreCopy !req
314. "who proves you don't
need all ten fingersCopy !req
315. "to pluck a lady's heartstrings
like a well-tunedCopy !req
316. "sexy harpsichord.Copy !req
317. Only howard..."Copy !req
318. Uh, sorry, howard.Copy !req
319. They didn't say anything
about you.Copy !req
320. "buckle up, ohio.Copy !req
321. "are you ready for
a new musical sensation?Copy !req
322. You'd better be, because
here come the acafellas."Copy !req
323. Yeah!Copy !req
324. Oh, congratulationsCopy !req
325. On your dead tree
valentine, gentlemen.Copy !req
326. By the way, i want in.Copy !req
327. Stop right there, william.Copy !req
328. I've got two words for you.Copy !req
329. Josh groban.Copy !req
330. He's coming
to the pta event.Copy !req
331. Who is josh groban?Copy !req
332. Who is josh groban?Copy !req
333. Kill yourself!Copy !req
334. He is an angel sent from heavenCopy !req
335. To deliver platinum
records unto us.Copy !req
336. And if he were here right now,Copy !req
337. I would club you to death
with his critics' choice award.Copy !req
338. Why would he come
to our show?Copy !req
339. Because i invited him.Copy !req
340. Josh and i have become
frequent pen palsCopy !req
341. Since he accidentally
friended me on myspace.Copy !req
342. And being my close
personal confidant,Copy !req
343. He is only interested
if i am in the group.Copy !req
344. No, sandy.Copy !req
345. We have standards.Copy !req
346. Okay, fine.Copy !req
347. But just so you know,Copy !req
348. The blogs are
all atwitter.Copy !req
349. They say he's looking
for an opening act.Copy !req
350. Damn, kurt,
this car is fly.Copy !req
351. My dad got it
for my sweet 16Copy !req
352. After i swore to stop wearing
formfitting sweatersCopy !req
353. That stop at the knee.Copy !req
354. What he doesn't know
doesn't hurt him.Copy !req
355. (car alarm chirps)
are we even sureCopy !req
356. They're rehearsing today?Copy !req
357. Vocal adrenaline
rehearses every dayCopy !req
358. From 2:30
until midnight.Copy !req
359. I'm just so nervous
these vocal adrenaline kidsCopy !req
360. Are gonna laugh at us.Copy !req
361. They're so cool
and popular,Copy !req
362. And we look like we just
stepped off the short bus.Copy !req
363. Those sweaty nazis have just
had more time to practice.Copy !req
364. We have more heart.Copy !req
365. And you don't look touched
in the head.Copy !req
366. That outfit is amazing.Copy !req
367. So, would you ever,Copy !req
368. You know, want
to hang out?Copy !req
369. come over. It's liza
minnelli week on amc!Copy !req
370. Guys!Copy !req
371. That's andrea cohen.
she won outstandingCopy !req
372. Soloist last year
at absolutely tampastic.Copy !req
373. You can't
(coughing)Copy !req
374. Leave rehearsals
for any reason.Copy !req
375. That includes heat exhaustion
or crohn's disease.Copy !req
376. Are you guys vocal adrenaline?Copy !req
377. We'd like to talk
to dakota stanleyCopy !req
378. About choreography
for our glee club.Copy !req
379. Don't!Copy !req
380. He's a monster.Copy !req
381. Get off my stage!Copy !req
382. mr. stanley!Copy !req
383. We're the mckinley
high glee club.Copy !req
384. no interviews.Copy !req
385. We'd like you to
choreograph for us.Copy !req
386. Look, my fee is $8,000
per number,Copy !req
387. Plus a $10,000 bonus
if you place in the top three.Copy !req
388. And with dakota stanley
at the wheel,Copy !req
389. You will place
at the top three.Copy !req
390. Move it.Copy !req
391. How are we gonna get $8,000?Copy !req
392. (bell rings)
kick that way
and back.Copy !req
393. You kick out...
hold on. hold on.Copy !req
394. Okay, one more.Copy !req
395. Okay.Copy !req
396. Kick out.Copy !req
397. Right behind you.Copy !req
398. It's all right.Copy !req
399. Where is everybody?Copy !req
400. (phone rings)
sandy went to get
henri from wood shop.Copy !req
401. And, oh, there's howard.Copy !req
402. Hello?Copy !req
403. I don't think i can be
in the band anymore.Copy !req
404. What?Copy !req
405. I'm doing inventory.Copy !req
406. It was never my dream.Copy !req
407. What?Copy !req
408. Howard's out.Copy !req
409. Oh, that-that's just great.Copy !req
410. What's he...Copy !req
411. Hey. emma.Copy !req
412. You didn't, uh, see
me dancing earlier,Copy !req
413. Did you?
oh, is that
what that was?Copy !req
414. Look, i have some bad news.Copy !req
415. You're breaking
up with me.Copy !req
416. What, here?
in front of another dude?Copy !req
417. No, look, please stop talking.Copy !req
418. Um, no, look,Copy !req
419. I think the acafellas pressureCopy !req
420. Has proven to be a little bit
too much for henri.Copy !req
421. Really, why?Copy !req
422. Well, he just downed six bottles
of cough syrup,Copy !req
423. Which is a lot, even for him.Copy !req
424. Um, he's okay.Copy !req
425. Sandy's in the emergency room
with him now,Copy !req
426. But figgins is insisting
before he comes back,Copy !req
427. And can be around kids again,Copy !req
428. That he goes to rehab.Copy !req
429. So that's where he's going
tomorrow morning.Copy !req
430. That's just great.Copy !req
431. So acafellas is officially
doomed now.Copy !req
432. You know, uh, when i get
stressed, i, i work out.Copy !req
433. You can probably tell.Copy !req
434. So i'm gonna, uh, down
some power bars,Copy !req
435. Knock off
a few reps.Copy !req
436. Come up with some
solutions here.Copy !req
437. It was fun while it lasted.Copy !req
438. I don't think you should give up
so easy, will.Copy !req
439. You know, they said van halen
was deadCopy !req
440. After david lee roth quit,Copy !req
441. But my worn-out single
of "right now" saysCopy !req
442. That they were wrong.Copy !req
443. (knocking on door)
you got a sec,
mr. shue?Copy !req
444. Yeah, of course. What's up?Copy !req
445. I just want to tell you
that i'm quitting glee, too.Copy !req
446. I didn't quit glee.Copy !req
447. Well, you might as well have.Copy !req
448. It's nutty in there.Copy !req
449. I try and talk sense
into rachel,Copy !req
450. But she's gone
all chick-batty.Copy !req
451. I gotta be honest
with you.Copy !req
452. It's hard being the quarterback
when i get in the huddleCopy !req
453. And all the guys are calling me
"deep throat."Copy !req
454. Glee's bringing down my rep,
man.Copy !req
455. Have the guts to stick with it
a little bit longer.Copy !req
456. You are a giftedCopy !req
457. Performer, finn.
you can't quit now.Copy !req
458. If you do,
you're just gonna regret itCopy !req
459. For the rest of your life.Copy !req
460. Trust me. i know.Copy !req
461. It's just not fun anymore.Copy !req
462. Hey, finn, wait.Copy !req
463. There's somethingCopy !req
464. I want to talk to you about.Copy !req
465. Hey, coach.Copy !req
466. What do you want,
puckerman?Copy !req
467. I hear there's a vacancy
in your a capella group.Copy !req
468. I want to offer
my services.Copy !req
469. I play guitar.Copy !req
470. And actually,
i'm a really good singer.Copy !req
471. There are a lot of moms
at your gigs, right?Copy !req
472. well, here's the thing
you should know about me:Copy !req
473. i'm not like everybody else
in this crappy cow town.Copy !req
474. i've got star potential,
and more specifically,Copy !req
475. i'm tired of wasting my time
with high school girls.Copy !req
476. You're breaking up
with me? why?Copy !req
477. Your credit score
is terrible.Copy !req
478. What i need as a woman
is financial security.Copy !req
479. see, young girls
will shoot you downCopy !req
480. and make you feel terrible
about yourself...Copy !req
481. but a cougar never disappoints.Copy !req
482. Thanks, mrs. H.Copy !req
483. Is that a nipple ring?
yeah,Copy !req
484. I'm kinda rock and roll.Copy !req
485. I need your help unclogging
my bathtub drain.Copy !req
486. the proof was in
the sexual pudding.Copy !req
487. my above-ground pool cleaning
business went through the roofCopy !req
488. once i embraced my gift
for musicCopy !req
489. and gave these fine ladies
the romance they were missing.Copy !req
490. i also stopped beating people
up so much.Copy !req
491. When do we start
rehearsals?Copy !req
492. Now you listen to me,
you little psychopath.Copy !req
493. My love life is hanging
by a threadCopy !req
494. And that thread
is acafellas.Copy !req
495. It drives my girlfriend
nuts in the pants.Copy !req
496. So if you screw
this up for me,Copy !req
497. I swear to you i will
stick my fistCopy !req
498. So far down your throat, you
will taste my armpit hairs.Copy !req
499. Do i make myself clear?Copy !req
500. Good.Copy !req
501. We rehearse tuesdays
and thursdays at 8:00.Copy !req
502. Don't be late.Copy !req
503. (playing chord rhythmically)
do that.Copy !req
504. Okay, come on.Copy !req
505. Dude, my bowels have better
moves than you.Copy !req
506. Guys, stop.Copy !req
507. You guys got
the steps down.Copy !req
508. You just need
to relax, okay?Copy !req
509. Um, you guys play baseball,
right?Copy !req
510. What does your coach
tell you about hitting?Copy !req
511. "if you charge the pitcher,
bring the bat."Copy !req
512. Okay, um, but i'm sure he also
tells you to relax, right?Copy !req
513. 'cause hitting's all
about the hips, right?Copy !req
514. You gotta loosen
them up.Copy !req
515. Just swing that bat.Copy !req
516. All right, pretend, acafellas,
madison square garden.Copy !req
517. Here we are. All those
beautiful ladies out there.Copy !req
518. You swing that big
ol' bat. Bam!Copy !req
519. Hit some home runs,
all right, guys?Copy !req
520. All right. (chuckles)Copy !req
521. Now let's try it
from the top, okay?Copy !req
522. Here we go.Copy !req
523. Five, six, seven, eight.Copy !req
524. Yeah.Copy !req
525. Aw, yeah.Copy !req
526. Yeah, get those
hips into it.Copy !req
527. (laughs)
that's it! that's it!
all right!Copy !req
528. Uh!Copy !req
529. Yeah! (laughs)Copy !req
530. That baseball thing
sure was good, mr. shue.Copy !req
531. Totally.
that was awesome.Copy !req
532. We need to have
a gayvention.Copy !req
533. That's a gay intervention.Copy !req
534. it's k-k-kurt.Copy !req
535. He's lady fabulous.Copy !req
536. It's obvious
you like him.Copy !req
537. We just don't want you
to get hurt by feelingsCopy !req
538. He can't reciprocate.Copy !req
539. Look, just because he wears
nice clothesCopy !req
540. Doesn't mean
he's on the down-low.Copy !req
541. He wore a corset
to second period today.Copy !req
542. You can do better,
mercedes.Copy !req
543. Really?
well, what if i can't?Copy !req
544. There's not a lot of guys
around hereCopy !req
545. Knocking down my door
for a date.Copy !req
546. Or yours,Copy !req
547. For that matter.Copy !req
548. Nobody notices us. hello?Copy !req
549. We're in glee club.Copy !req
550. And i'm tired of being lonely.
aren't you?Copy !req
551. But kurt...Copy !req
552. Kurt is sweet to me,
and he likes who i am,Copy !req
553. And i like how i feel
when i'm with him.Copy !req
554. And he's in our group,
he understandsCopy !req
555. What i'm
going through.Copy !req
556. Now, maybe that's not enough
for you guys,Copy !req
557. But it's enough for me.Copy !req
558. you know what, sue?
i got to say,Copy !req
559. I really
misjudged you.Copy !req
560. Getting the cheerios
to help out with the glee clubCopy !req
561. Choreographer fund-raiserCopy !req
562. Is one of the nicest things
i've ever seen.Copy !req
563. Well, erma, i'm willing
to do whatever it takesCopy !req
564. To make this glee
club successful.Copy !req
565. come on!Copy !req
566. Ooh! so excited.Copy !req
567. Oh, i love a car wash,
too, though, you know.Copy !req
568. When i was little,
if i got all "a's,Copy !req
569. My dad would let me
wash his car,Copy !req
570. So i'd get
my little toothbrush out,Copy !req
571. And i'd clean it
all weekend long.Copy !req
572. You know, the way you use
your mental illnessCopy !req
573. To help these kids
is really inspiring.Copy !req
574. I'm shocked
you're not married.Copy !req
575. Your rims are clean.Copy !req
576. We've polished them,
like, three times already.Copy !req
577. Did you bring a
change of clothes?Copy !req
578. because we're going straight
to sing-along sound of music.Copy !req
579. So, listen, kurt,Copy !req
580. This is like the third time
we've gone out.Copy !req
581. Can we just make it official?Copy !req
582. make what official?Copy !req
583. You know, that we're dating.Copy !req
584. I'm sorry, mercedes,Copy !req
585. But i thought
i made it very clear.Copy !req
586. I'm in love with someone else.Copy !req
587. Rachel?Copy !req
588. Yes.Copy !req
589. For several years now.Copy !req
590. you busted my window.Copy !req
591. How could you do that?
you busted my window!Copy !req
592. Well, you busted my heart.Copy !req
593. Okay, please examine
your personalized menus.Copy !req
594. This is what you're
going to be eatingCopy !req
595. For the next
six months.Copy !req
596. Um, mine just says coffee.Copy !req
597. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
598. What's smelt?
a pungentCopy !req
599. Low-carb
freshwater fish.Copy !req
600. Okay, let's start
with today's business.Copy !req
601. Artie, you're cut.
you're notCopy !req
602. Trying hard
enough.
at what?Copy !req
603. At walking. We can't be
wheeling you around
during every number.Copy !req
604. It throws off the whole dynamic,
and it's depressing.Copy !req
605. So, you're
kicking him out?Copy !req
606. Mm-hmm.
also you.Copy !req
607. Youse got to go, effie.Copy !req
608. No, no, no. yeah.
you can't kick people outCopy !req
609. Of glee club because you don't
like the way they look.Copy !req
610. Uh, why don't you shut
your face-gashCopy !req
611. And stay away
from aerosol cans becauseCopy !req
612. You could burst into
flames at any second?Copy !req
613. You three— you're great.
you're perfect.Copy !req
614. Seriously. Don't
change a thing.Copy !req
615. Uh, you—
ew, nose job.Copy !req
616. Now just hold on
a second.
what?Copy !req
617. What was that,
frankenteen?Copy !req
618. Why don't you,
uh, wipe thatCopy !req
619. Dopey look off your face
and get some lotionCopy !req
620. For those knuckles
you've been draggingCopy !req
621. On the ground?
what's wrong
with you?Copy !req
622. What's wrong
with me?Copy !req
623. What's wrong with me isCopy !req
624. That you're freakishly tall.Copy !req
625. I feel like a woodlandCopy !req
626. Creature.Copy !req
627. Um,Copy !req
628. Am i hurting your feelings?Copy !req
629. Did i say something wrong?Copy !req
630. Because i thought
you wanted somebodyCopy !req
631. Who respected you enough
to tell you the truth.Copy !req
632. But maybe you don't
have the confidence
to hear it, hmm?Copy !req
633. Maybe you need somebody
who's going toCopy !req
634. Lie to you and tell
you things like,Copy !req
635. "you got what
it takes."Copy !req
636. But you know what?Copy !req
637. As far as i can see, you don't.Copy !req
638. So, why don't
you justCopy !req
639. Take a little second,
take a breather,Copy !req
640. And ask yourself,Copy !req
641. "do i want
to be a winner...Copy !req
642. or not?"Copy !req
643. Screw this.Copy !req
644. I quit.Copy !req
645. me, t-t-t-too.Copy !req
646. Let's roll, artie.Copy !req
647. No. great, great.
you know,Copy !req
648. Separate the wheat
from the chaff; that's perfect.Copy !req
649. Wait.Copy !req
650. Barbra streisand.Copy !req
651. When barbra was a young ingénue,Copy !req
652. Everyone told her
in order to be a star,Copy !req
653. She'd have to get a nose job.Copy !req
654. Thankfully, she refused.Copy !req
655. Where's this going, yentl?Copy !req
656. Where it's going is that...Copy !req
657. We don't need you.Copy !req
658. Let's face it.Copy !req
659. We're never going to be as good
of dancers as vocal adrenaline.Copy !req
660. We're gonna win
because... we're different.Copy !req
661. And that's what
makes us special.Copy !req
662. They told j. lo
her booty was too big.Copy !req
663. Curtis mayfield
was more successfulCopy !req
664. After he became paralyzed.Copy !req
665. Jim abbott.Copy !req
666. I have no idea who that is.Copy !req
667. He was a one-armed pitcher
for the yankees.Copy !req
668. Pitched a no-hitter.Copy !req
669. Okay, so, yeah.Copy !req
670. Misfits and spaz-heads
and cripples can make it, too.Copy !req
671. That's great.
what's your point?Copy !req
672. Our point is that...Copy !req
673. You're fired.Copy !req
674. And i'm taller than you.Copy !req
675. Barely.Copy !req
676. Wait, we have to wear mascara?Copy !req
677. Sandy says it makes
our eyes pop.Copy !req
678. (sighs) okay.Copy !req
679. There's a lot of moms
out there, right?Copy !req
680. Guys, don't worry about it.Copy !req
681. Just get in the zone, all right?Copy !req
682. This is going to be fun.
believe me.Copy !req
683. You're going to
remember this nightCopy !req
684. For the rest of your lives.Copy !req
685. Mr. shue...
i know, you're nervous.Copy !req
686. No, that isn't what
i wanted to tell you.Copy !req
687. It's just... thanks.Copy !req
688. For believing in me.Copy !req
689. he's here! he's here!Copy !req
690. Josh groban is here!Copy !req
691. Front row, big brown eyes,
cute as a buttermilk biscuit.Copy !req
692. I barfed.
wait a minute.Copy !req
693. He actually showed up?
i can't believe it!Copy !req
694. Gentlemen, forgetCopy !req
695. Every experience you have ever
had in your drab little lives.Copy !req
696. This is the most important thing
you will ever do.Copy !req
697. Places!Copy !req
698. i know you're not
gonna sing that song!Copy !req
699. i know you're not
gonna sing that song!Copy !req
700. I would like to just go
into the recording studioCopy !req
701. And lay some of
those tracks down.Copy !req
702. And of course i would love
to play some bigger venues.Copy !req
703. Wembley stadium,
red rocks...Copy !req
704. Hey, guys, i'm josh groban.Copy !req
705. This is my bodyguard, flex.Copy !req
706. We were in town.Copy !req
707. I was inducting run-dmcCopy !req
708. Into the rock and roll
hall of fame last night,Copy !req
709. So i thought i'd stop by
and say hello.Copy !req
710. So, which one of you
is, uh... sandy?Copy !req
711. Ooh!Copy !req
712. Mr. groban,Copy !req
713. We are so honoredCopy !req
714. That you came
here today.
i came hereCopy !req
715. To tell you...
yes, sir?Copy !req
716. Stop emailing me.Copy !req
717. This is a restraining order.Copy !req
718. Stop sending me nude photos.Copy !req
719. Stop calling me. i don't
know how you got my number!Copy !req
720. I don't know how you got
my number againCopy !req
721. After i changed it,
but i don't want any moreCopy !req
722. Of your edible gift baskets
or locks of your hairCopy !req
723. And i don't want
to read any moreCopy !req
724. Of those sonnets
you wrote for me.Copy !req
725. That stuff got crazy, dude.Copy !req
726. are we clear?Copy !req
727. Thank you, gentlemen.Copy !req
728. And by the way, great show.Copy !req
729. I mean, like,
(imitates explosion)Copy !req
730. Explosive.Copy !req
731. Thanks.Copy !req
732. Sorry.Copy !req
733. i'm sorry, will.Copy !req
734. I... i could have been
more supportive.Copy !req
735. You guys were
actually pretty good.Copy !req
736. And you were good.Copy !req
737. You were really good.Copy !req
738. Yeah?Copy !req
739. Yeah.Copy !req
740. Don't bother.
she's already pregnant.Copy !req
741. (giggling)
hey, kids.Copy !req
742. Have you seen doodle?Copy !req
743. Now, you might be thinking,Copy !req
744. Why would a pop star like meCopy !req
745. Come over here
and talk to you?Copy !req
746. Well, let me tell you
something.Copy !req
747. Throngs of screaming teenagers
don't do it for josh groban.Copy !req
748. No.Copy !req
749. Josh groban loves
a blowsy alcoholic.Copy !req
750. (belches) oh.
oh, wow.Copy !req
751. You'll have to
forgive me, ma'am.Copy !req
752. I'm a little bit drunk,Copy !req
753. And i'm afraid i'm not making
good choices right now.Copy !req
754. Maybe she slipped
and hit her head again.Copy !req
755. You guys kicked some serious
tail up there tonight.Copy !req
756. Sorry about the whole
josh groban thing.Copy !req
757. Nah, it's all right.Copy !req
758. How are the other
guys taking it?Copy !req
759. That ryerson guy cried himself
to sleep in figgins' armsCopy !req
760. And ken tanaka is
raiding the nacho bar.Copy !req
761. What about you?Copy !req
762. You okay?Copy !req
763. You know, dad... i am.Copy !req
764. I mean, this was all
a dream come true,Copy !req
765. But... i'm a teacher.Copy !req
766. And a really good one.Copy !req
767. That's enough for me.Copy !req
768. I know.Copy !req
769. I saw the way
your students look at you.Copy !req
770. You inspire people.Copy !req
771. You inspired me.Copy !req
772. What do you mean?Copy !req
773. I'm going to law school.Copy !req
774. Night classes for now,Copy !req
775. Until i get all
of my prerequisites,Copy !req
776. But i registered yesterday.Copy !req
777. You made me realize
it's never too lateCopy !req
778. Too grow a pair and
go after your dream.Copy !req
779. That's amazing, dad.Copy !req
780. That's so amazing!Copy !req
781. Hey, kurt.Copy !req
782. I just wanted to sayCopy !req
783. I'm really sorry
i did that to your car.Copy !req
784. I'll pay for it to get fixed.Copy !req
785. It's okay.Copy !req
786. My dad took my baby awayCopy !req
787. After he found my tiara
collection in my hope chest.Copy !req
788. And i just wanted to sayCopy !req
789. I hope it works out
between you and rachel.Copy !req
790. You'll have really
cute, loud babies.Copy !req
791. Mercedes...Copy !req
792. I lied to you.Copy !req
793. I don't like rachel.Copy !req
794. I'm gay.Copy !req
795. Why didn't you just tell me?Copy !req
796. Because i've never
told anyone before.Copy !req
797. You shouldn't be ashamed
of who you are, kurt.Copy !req
798. You should
just tell people,Copy !req
799. Especially the kids in glee.Copy !req
800. The whole point of
the club is aboutCopy !req
801. Expressing what's really
inside you, remember?Copy !req
802. I can't.Copy !req
803. I'm just not that
confident, i guess.Copy !req
804. Let me get this straight.Copy !req
805. The glee club got rid
of dakota stanley;Copy !req
806. Mr. schuester is back;Copy !req
807. And ey're busy at work
on a new number,Copy !req
808. More confident than ever.Copy !req
809. and down... clap,
and up, clap, clap.Copy !req
810. Down, clap,
and up, clap, clap.Copy !req
811. This is what we call
a total disaster, ladies.Copy !req
812. I'm going to ask you
to smell your armpits.Copy !req
813. That's the smell of failure.Copy !req
814. And it's stinking up my office.Copy !req
815. I'm revoking
your tanning privilegesCopy !req
816. For the rest of the semester.Copy !req
817. (sobbing):
oh, no!Copy !req
818. Ms. sylvester,Copy !req
819. I want to thank you.Copy !req
820. For what?Copy !req
821. For teaching me
a valuable life lesson.Copy !req
822. When you really
believe in yourself,Copy !req
823. You don't have to bring
other people down.Copy !req
824. uh, uh, step,
ball change and head.Copy !req
825. Step, ball change and head.Copy !req
826. Low and up.Copy !req
827. Low and high!Copy !req
828. Oh, what do you guys think?Copy !req
829. Mr. schuester?Copy !req
830. Yes, rachel?Copy !req
831. It was really good.Copy !req
832. thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
833. Okay.Copy !req