1. So I don't know why anyone
would miss an episode of Glee,
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2. but here's what's been
happening in case you did:
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3. Quinn's parents found out
she's pregnant
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4. so they kicked her out.
I needed my mom.
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5. So it's decided.
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6. You move in with me.
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7. Jessie dropped Rachel
and McKinley
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8. and the New Directions and
he's back on Vocal Adrenaline
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9. which freaked everybody out
and convinced them they can't
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10. beat them at Regionals and if
they don't place at Regionals,
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11. the club is over,
which would be awful.
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12. And that's what you missed
on Glee.
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13. Hey, buddy, see
you on Saturday.
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14. Wait. What?
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15. At Regionals.
Didn't you hear?
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16. I'm one of the judges.
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17. You cannot allow this to happen!
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18. It's out of my hands, William.
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19. I have no control over what
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20. the Show Choir Governing Board
says or does.
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21. Let me break it down
for you, Will.
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22. It's been decided
that this year's Regionals
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23. will be judged by celebrities.
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24. And I'm a celebrity
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25. now, William.
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26. Now I realize
my cultural
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27. ascendance only serves
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28. to illuminate
your own banality,
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29. but face it.
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30. I'm a legend. It's happened.
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31. Do you have any idea how hard
my kids have been working, Sue?
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32. I have to be honest, Will.
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33. I'm having
a really difficult time hearing
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34. anything you have
to say today because
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35. your hair looks like
a briar patch.
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36. I keep expecting racist
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37. animated Disney characters
to pop up
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38. and start singing songs
about living on the bayou.
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39. Principal Figgins,
I am begging you.
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40. Do not let her do this
to those kids.
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41. William, I resent
the implication
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42. that I don't
play by the rules.
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43. You leaked our set list
at Sectionals, Sue.
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44. I have no memory of that.
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45. I will not let you do this.
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46. We have worked ourselves
to the bone to get where we are.
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47. I'm sorry, Will,
but our arrangement stands.
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48. You must win or place
at Regionals,
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49. or I'm disbanding the club.
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50. If I were you,
I would spend
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51. less time complaining to me
and more time
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52. convincing Judge Sylvester here
that your New Directions
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53. have got the goods!
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54. Good luck with that, Will.
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55. I can't do this.
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56. Yes, you can.
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57. Have another
wine cooler.
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58. I'm president
of the Celibacy Club.
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59. I took a vow.
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60. So did Santana and
Brittany, and I did them.
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61. What about Finn?
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62. He's your best friend.
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63. Come on. We're
in high school.
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64. You think either one of us
is going to give a damn
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65. about Finn in
three years?
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66. Life's just a bunch of
experiences, you know?
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67. You don't get a medal at the
finish line for being good.
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68. You just get dead.
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69. Okay, but you can't
tell anybody.
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70. I can't lose my rep.
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71. Our secret, baby.
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72. What about protection?
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73. I got it, trust me.
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74. This isn't just
another hookup for me.
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75. Tell me one more time.
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76. You're not fat.
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77. Quinn?
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78. Quinn?
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79. Are you all right?
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80. It's been a long year.
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81. Yeah.
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82. Oh, you need some help
with those plates?
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83. I'm not due for a month.
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84. Think I can handle
a stack of plates.
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85. Right. I'm...
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86. Yeah.
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87. No one wants any pizza?
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88. All right, well, uh,
let's get started.
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89. Thank you for coming
to the first
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90. annual New Directions'
Regionals'
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91. set list nominations party.
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92. What's the point, Mr. Shue?
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93. Coach Sylvester's
one of the judges.
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94. She's gonna crush us.
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95. Artie, you don't know that.
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96. Yes, we do.
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97. She told us at
Cheerios practice.
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98. Yeah, she said,
"I'm going to crush Glee Club."
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99. A whole freaking year.
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100. All that hard work for nothing.
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101. I'm sorry.
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102. I just really love you guys.
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103. You know how many
Facebook friends I had
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104. before I joined
Glee Club?
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105. Two. My parents.
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106. Rachel was right.
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107. Being a part
of something special—
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108. it made me special.
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109. I just can't
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110. believe it's going to be over
in a week.
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111. Wait. Who says
it's going to be over?
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112. Please. You think
Puck and Santana
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113. are going to
even acknowledge
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114. my existence
once we're not
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115. in Glee Club together anymore?
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116. She has a point.
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117. Mr. Schuester?
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118. Do you think instead
of nominating songs,
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119. we can just...
all go around the room
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120. and talk about things
that we loved about
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121. Glee Club this year?
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122. It took everything I had
not to cry.
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123. It's like they've all walked
a thousand miles
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124. just to get punched
in the stomach.
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125. What exactly are you looking for
from me here?
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126. Some guidance.
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127. Do you remember
when you were going
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128. to quit teaching and
become an accountant,
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129. and I showed you that video of
yourself singing at Nationals,
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130. and you said that that was the
happiest moment of your life?
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131. Do you remember why?
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132. Because I loved
what I was doing.
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133. And isn't that
what you've been drilling
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134. into their heads all year?
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135. That that feeling
is way more important
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136. than winning or losing?
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137. I miss you.
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138. I'm seeing someone.
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139. What?
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140. His-his name's Carl.
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141. Carl... Howell.
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142. He's my dentist.
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143. He's always been very
impressed with my oral hygiene,
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144. and the last time I was
there, he was showing me
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145. the machines that they use
to sterilize their tools,
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146. and he asked me out.
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147. We've been going out
every night since then.
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148. You two haven't...?
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149. Sorry. I'm-I'm sorry.
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150. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no, that's... No.
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151. It's fine.
That's fine.
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152. I just feel like
you and I had our shot, Will.
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153. Thanks for the help.
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154. Um, no, by the way.
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155. We haven't.
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156. Hey! We need to talk.
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157. We had a chance of
keeping it together
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158. at Mr. Shue's until
you decided to bail.
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159. You're our leader, Rachel.
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160. The way you're on everyone
all the time is annoying, but
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161. it's also what keeps
the club motivated.
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162. You and I are
going to fix this.
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163. We're going to Regionals, and
we're going to win this thing.
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164. Mr. Schuester, Finn and I
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165. have something
we want to say to you.
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166. Me first. Have a seat.
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167. Nine months ago,
there were five of you in here.
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168. And we sucked.
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169. I mean, we really sucked.
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170. Bad. (laughs)
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171. One day, all of you are going
to be gone.
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172. And all of
this, all of us
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173. will be nothing
but a hazy memory.
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174. It will take you a second
to remember everyone's name.
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175. Someone will have to remind you
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176. of the songs we sung, the solos
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177. you got or didn't get.
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178. Life only
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179. really has one beginning
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180. and one end,
and the rest is just
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181. a whole lot of middle.
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182. And I love you guys too much
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183. to let you not make the most
of it.
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184. Now, I was going
to quit once,
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185. but you guys brought me back
with "Don't Stop Believing."
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186. It was a nine,
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187. but we are going
to make it a ten.
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188. We're doing "Don't
Stop" at Regionals?
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189. And then some.
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190. We are doing a Journey medley.
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191. Because who cares what
happens when we get there
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192. when the getting there
has been so much fun?
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193. Rachel?
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194. You had something
you wanted to say?
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195. Just that we're all really glad
you didn't become an accountant.
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196. Regionals,
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197. here we come!
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198. And now, our panel of judges.
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199. He's an international
musical sensation,
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200. a platinum recording artist
20 times over,
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201. the inimitable Mr. Josh Groban!
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202. She's a four-time Grammy winner
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203. who starred
in the highest-grossing
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204. movie musical of all time,
Ms. Olivia Newton-John!
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205. He's a two-time local
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206. Emmy winner
and broadcasting icon,
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207. WOHN news anchor Rod Remington!
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208. She is fresh off
her fifth consecutive
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209. National Cheerleading Title
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210. and author of the
soon-to-be-published memoir,
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211. I'm A Winner and You're Fat,
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212. Ohio's home-grown iconoclast,
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213. Coach Sue Sylvester!
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214. And now, our first performance
of the evening,
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215. from Westvale High
in scenic Fort Wayne, Indiana,
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216. Aural Intensity!
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217. A mash up of Olivia Newton-John
and Josh Groban.
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218. Are you kidding me?
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219. Somebody tipped them off
about the judges.
Guys, we can't
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220. get distracted by what
the other teams are doing.
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221. We just got to keep our heads
in the game and focus.
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222. Even though we know
we can't win?
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223. Yes.
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224. If this is only about
winning for you guys,
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225. then I owe you all an apology,
because I've failed you.
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226. And we should
just all go home,
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227. because it means
we've already lost.
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228. Besides,
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229. we have got something
that the other groups don't.
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230. What?
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231. Finn's dancing.
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232. (laughter)
Right?
Come on.
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233. Now let's get out there.
We got two minutes.
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234. Aural Intensity's
almost finished.
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235. Bring it in.
Come on. Come on.
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236. (whooping)
Let's go, go, go,
go, go and...
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237. Whoa!
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238. Break a leg.
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239. I love you.
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240. Ladies and Gentleman,
our second competitors,
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241. winner
of the Central Ohio Sectional,
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242. McKinley High's New Directions!
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243. That was
awesome!
(whoops)
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244. Oh, my God!
(Finn laughs)
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245. We've got second place
in the bag.
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246. Screw that. We are
going to win this!
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247. Quinney?
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248. Mom.
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249. What are you doing here?
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250. Is Dad okay...?
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251. I came to hear you sing.
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252. You were wonderful.
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253. I'm-I'm so sorry I missed
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254. all the other times you
performed. Were there a lot?
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255. I left your father.
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256. Well, I-I... kicked
m out, actually.
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257. He was having an affair
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258. with some, uh...
tattooed freak.
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259. Quinney,
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260. I want you to
come home with me.
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261. I can turn the guest
room into a nursery.
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262. Oh, sweetie,
say something.
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263. My water just broke.
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264. Wait! Wait!
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265. I want Mercedes with me, too.
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266. It's never coming, ever!
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267. Shut up!
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268. Ooh, you suck! You suck!
You suck! You suck!
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269. Come on, Quinney.
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270. Hi. Hi.
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271. Congratulations.
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272. Thanks, Rachel.
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273. But we beat you today.
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274. Jessie's a good
singer, but
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275. you and I both know
he doesn't have much heart.
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276. Vocal Adrenaline's best
days are behind it.
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277. So I have a proposition for you.
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278. Come teach at McKinley.
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279. Excuse me?
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280. You and-and Mr. Schuester
could be co-directors.
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281. We'd be unstoppable.
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282. There's so much
that you can teach me.
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283. So much only you can teach me.
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284. Oh, Rachel, I can't do this anymore.
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285. I'm tired
of coaching glee club.
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286. I want a life.
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287. It took meeting
you to realize
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288. all the stuff that
I missed out on.
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289. I need some
balance, you know?
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290. I need a house
and a garden
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291. and a dog, a f...
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292. family.
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293. I missed out on
my chance with you,
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294. and it kills me.
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295. And I can't
let that happen again.
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296. Where's the rest
of your team?
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297. They're, uh...
they're at the hospital.
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298. Quinn had her baby.
Is she okay?
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299. Yeah, she's fine.
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300. It was, um...
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301. It's a beautiful baby girl.
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302. Newton-John?
You're dead to me.
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303. Remington, Horsey, have
a seat and listen up.
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304. I don't care
who comes in first,
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305. I don't care who places
send, but I have
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306. a very strong opinion
about who comes in third.
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307. Sue, if I may.
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308. That "Bohemian Rhapsody"
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309. had me a-movin' and a-shakin',
and I'm talking old school.
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310. You know, I partied with
Freddy Mercury back in the '70s,
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311. and I partied... hard,
if you know what I mean.
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312. Back then, people weren't
so obsessed with labels.
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313. I, for one, was offended
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314. that only one of the groups
chose to honor me in song.
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315. I think
Aural Intensity should win.
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316. Yes.
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317. Two questions.
Are you single?
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318. And two: How about
those New Directions?
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319. I liked them. I thought
they had a lot of... heart.
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320. Heart? Oh, please.
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321. Talk about blatant tokenism.
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322. That whole "We're inspiring,
we're a ragtag
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323. bunch of misfits" thing
is so 2009.
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324. I couldn't agree more.
Let's vote.
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325. The production values
simply weren't there.
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326. Couldn't they afford
better costumes?
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327. Are they a poor
person school?
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328. I thought that brunette
had an amazing voice.
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329. Brunettes have no place
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330. in show business.
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331. Oh, come on.
They're just kids.
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332. That's no excuse.
By the time I was 14,
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333. I'd already
formed a band.
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334. When Josh Groban
was their age,
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335. he was already in The Mickey
Mouse Club or something.
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336. As the only educator here,
let me point out
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337. that not all kids are afforded
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338. the same opportunities
as others.
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339. Is that what you tell yourself
to get to sleep at night?
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340. Some people just simply
don't have talent.
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341. You think you're a celebrity.
You're not.
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342. You just try hard.
That's about it.
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343. Olivia Newton-John
has a valid point here.
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344. You have a lot in common
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345. with those kids
at your school, Sue.
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346. Underachievers
with delusions of grandeur.
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347. Dagnabbit!
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348. Now even I have to admit,
I'm a little confused
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349. as to what Sue is doing
in this room.
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350. Wasn't the theme tonight
supposed to be celebrity judges?
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351. Kiss my ass, Josh Groban!
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352. I am a internationally-ranked
cheerleading coach!
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353. Who lives in Ohio.
When this is done
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354. today, Josh and I are flying
back to L.A. first class.
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355. You'll be staying here.
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356. Just like
those kids.
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357. I think we've all
made up our minds.
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358. Let's vote.
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359. Thank you all
for coming.
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360. As you all
know, glee club
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361. is such an
important...
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362. And I honestly can't
even finish that sentence.
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363. So let's just
get to it.
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364. The 2010 Midwest
Regional Runners-up
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365. from Fort
Wayne, Indiana,
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366. the not-at-all
stupidly-named
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367. Aural Intensity!
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368. Very good.
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369. Mm-hmm.
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370. And now,
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371. your 2010 Midwest Regional
Show Choir Champions
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372. Vocal Adrenaline!
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373. We didn't even place.
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374. Love.
She looks like you.
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375. Do you want to keep her?
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376. No.
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377. Do you?
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378. Did you love me?
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379. Yes.
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380. Especially now.
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381. Which one is yours?
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382. What are you doing here?
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383. I see her now.
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384. She looks like you.
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385. Does she have a name?
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386. No.
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387. Beth.
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388. Pretty.
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389. I like that name.
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390. How do you even
call yourself a principal?
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391. Okay, this is...
this is it.
This is not...
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392. Emma?
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393. Emma? What was
that about?
It's so unfair.
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394. Will, your kids
have worked so hard for this.
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395. Did you know he's already given
your choir room to the Mock UN?
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396. A deal's a deal.
We lost, Emma.
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397. Because Sue cheated!
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398. She cheated, Will,
and where do you think
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399. all that money's going?
It's going right
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400. into her pockets.
We just...
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401. We can't let her win this one!
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402. How can you just stand there
and be so calm about this?
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403. How can you just give up
so easily?
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404. I've tried, Emma,
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405. okay? It...
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406. It-It's over.
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407. No. No, it's never over.
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408. I don't care what anybody says.
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409. Some things are worth
fighting for.
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410. You mean
like the kids?
Yes, of course.
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411. Anything else?
No.
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412. No. This is about the glee club.
This is not about us.
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413. The hell it is.
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414. I love you, Emma.
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415. There, I finally said it.
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416. And you love me,
and dentist or no,
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417. this thing isn't over
between us.
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418. Mr. Schuester?
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419. Yeah.
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420. Can you please come
to the auditorium?
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421. Sure.
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422. So we have something
we need to say to you.
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423. In the beginning of this year,
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424. I was just another
football player.
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425. I had a stutter.
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426. I was a closeted diva.
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427. I used to be captain
of the Cheerios.
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428. I was afraid to dance
outside my room.
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429. I hated everyone in this club.
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430. So did I.
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431. I wasn't honest about who I was.
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432. I was tossing kids
into Dumpsters.
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433. I had never
kissed a girl before.
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434. And I was getting slushied.
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435. I didn't-I didn't
have a father.
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436. Someone I could look up to.
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437. Model myself after.
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438. Someone who could show me what
it really meant to be a man.
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439. We don't care
what the judges say.
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440. We won.
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441. Because we had you as a teacher.
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442. And Glee Club will never end,
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443. Mr. Shue, because...
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444. you are Glee Club.
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445. And you're in all of us now.
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446. It's as barren as me
in here, Will.
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447. Moving on to greener pastures?
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448. Did you just come to gloat, Sue?
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449. Mostly.
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450. Well... congratulations.
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451. You got what you wanted.
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452. I should shake your hand.
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453. Not unless you got
some hand sanitizer.
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454. I've seen that car you drive;
I don't want to catch poor.
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455. Explain something to me.
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456. Maybe we weren't good enough yet
to beat Vocal Adrenaline— fine.
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457. But we were so much better
than Aural Intensity.
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458. Oh, William, I can't reveal
how the voting went down.
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459. That would betray my sacred oath
as judge or something.
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460. The results
simply show
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461. the other clubs
to be more deserving.
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462. All I can say is
casting my vote was easy.
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463. It reflected exactly how I felt
in my heart
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464. about which team should win.
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465. Well, Sue, congratulations.
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466. You win.
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467. I lose.
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468. The kids lose.
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469. I know you think
I'm heartless, Will,
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470. and you may
have a point.
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471. I spend large
segments of each day
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472. picturing you choking on food.
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473. And I recently contacted
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474. an exotic animal dealer
because I had
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475. a very satisfying dream
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476. that the two of us went to a
zoo, and I shoved your face
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477. into one of those pink
inflamed monkey butts
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478. that weeps lymph.
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479. And I know that you
think I'm a bad person
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480. because I remain unmoved by your
nattering of trite platitudes
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481. to your ill-shapen
students
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482. about how the human
condition can be improved
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483. by, yes, singing
about it.
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484. And I've proven that I can
wipe you and your Glee Club
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485. off the face of this earth.
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486. But what kind of a world
would that be, Will?
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487. A world where I couldn't
constantly ridicule your hair.
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488. World where I couldn't make
fun of you for tearing up
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489. more than Michael Landon
in a sweeps week's episode
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490. of Little House
on the Prairie.
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491. And you know
what, Will?
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492. Sue Sylvester's not sure
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493. she wants to live in
that kind of world.
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494. So I had a little
talk with Figgins.
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495. Glee Club gets another year.
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496. I get what I want.
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497. Do you really not understand
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498. how this sexual
blackmail thing works?
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499. Enough, Sue!
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500. I will not be blackmailed
by you anymore!
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501. I will tell my wife
of our heated sexual congress
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502. before I will be
bullied by you again!
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503. One last chit, Figgy.
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504. Give the glee club another year,
and I won't mention us
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505. making the beast
with two backs again.
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506. Huh?
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507. We have another year?
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508. You're a good
teacher, Will.
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509. Now, I don't
like you so much.
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510. But I admire you
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511. and the work you're
doing with your kids.
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512. I really do.
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513. Bon chance, William.
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514. I relish the thought
of another full year
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515. of constantly besting you.
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516. You know, Sue, inside...
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517. you're a really good person.
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518. You have a heart.
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519. Okay, let go
of my hand.
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520. Hey...
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521. I appreciate what you're doing
for these kids.
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522. I won't forget it.
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523. And I'm seriously going
to puke in your mouth.
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524. We've got another year.
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525. (murmuring)
What?
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526. Come on, we got another year!
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527. What?
Oh, my God!
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528. Yeah!
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529. Are you serious?
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530. (laughs):
Whoa!
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531. Okay, you guys, I think this is
the perfect opportunity for us
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532. to start rehearsing for
next year's Sectionals
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533. immediately...
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534. Guys, you've all worked
really hard this year,
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535. and you deserve a break.
But I have ideas.
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536. Take the summer off.
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537. Have some fun.
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538. Oh, but before you go,
I have something for you.
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539. You all sang for
me the other day,
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540. so today I'd like
to return the favor.
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541. Puck, if you're ready.
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542. All the adoption papers
seem to be in order.
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543. But there's no name on
the birth certificate yet.
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544. It's Beth.
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