Glee 1x20

1. So here's what happened last week: Will's old rival, Bryan Ryan

2. Tried to cancel the club.

3. You're done here.

4. Then he was really into it. - I got custom made jean jackets!

5. Then he tried to cancel it again.

6. You think you're helping these kids

7. when all you're doing is setting them up to be jaded and bitter.

8. Finn's mom's dating Kurt's dad, which was totally part of

9. Kurt's plan to get closer to Finn,

10. Who he's always had a sorta crush on

11. When will you learn that nothing is impossible

12. when it comes to love? Artie told Tina

13. what his greatest dream was, then realized

14. that not every dream is achievable.

15. Is that even a word— achievable?

16. Achievatate? Achievalize?

17. Okay, you just said, like, ten offensive things.

18. Jessie pushed Rachel to find out who her mom was,

19. and it turns out it's Shelby Corcoran,

20. the coach of Vocal Adrenaline. I want a look that's so optimistic,

21. it could cure cancer. Geez.

22. And that's what you missed on Glee.

23. Am I in trouble?

24. Come on. You've got more self-esteem than that.

25. I think this might have something to do with

26. your perfect attendance last semester.

27. No. Miss Cohen-Chang is in trouble.

28. It has come to my attention that the look you sport

29. is what is known as goth. American teens are coming down

30. with a serious case of Twilight fever,

31. transformed from normal children

32. into vampires obsessed with the occult.

33. And only yesterday, this dark specter reared its head

34. at McKinley High.

35. This is totally going to get Robert Pattinson's attention.

36. Oh, hey.

37. Oh, dear God!

38. I don't mean to state the obvious,

39. but you do know that vampires aren't real, right?

40. They don't exist.

41. William, denial will not make this problem go away!

42. My parents won't even let me watch Twilight.

43. My mom says she thinks Kristin Stewart seems like a bitch.

44. This is a serious problem!

45. Miss Cohen-Chang, you've got to find yourself

46. another style of dress! Hold on a second.

47. Tina is shy,

48. and one way she's found to express herself

49. is through her clothes.

50. High school is an incredibly important time

51. when kids get to explore who they are.

52. When I was in high school, I had a whole year where I dressed

53. exactly like Kurt Cobain. I mean, come on.

54. There has to be someone who you used to dress like.

55. Yes. For several years in my early 20s,

56. I dressed up as Elvis. But he was a Christian, Will!

57. And he did not possess the ability to transform into a bat!

58. I think he thinks vampires are real.

59. I think you're right.

60. Studies have shown that a strict dress code fosters

61. a safe and stable learning environment

62. with fewer instances of gang violence and vampirism.

63. So, if I see you dressed in lacy demon clothes again,

64. Tina Cohen-Chang,

65. You will be suspended!

66. Step. Couple more.

67. Is there a car down here from me?

68. Honey, we're indoors.

69. Oh. Okay.

70. And open your eyes.

71. Sparkling cider? Yeah.

72. "Welcome home"? But who went somewhere?

73. Burt asked us to move in with them. And this is how you're telling me?

74. The party is my idea.

75. If you're gonna say something, say it loud, right?

76. Yeah. It's gonna take some getting used to, but trust me,

77. you're gonna love it, okay?

78. Now you don't have to drag your tail over here

79. every time you want to watch something on the old 55-incher.

80. We got a lot of food— some ethnic food. It's some ethnicity

81. that's not ours. Tuna crudités. Tuna crudités. It's not ethnic.

82. Here you go.

83. Finn, this house is twice as big

84. as ours. It has two bathrooms.

85. Two and a half.

86. I don't want an extra bathroom or a tuna crude.

87. I just want my house back.

88. I think I know what this resistance is about.

89. Our room. And I couldn't agree more.

90. The palate in here is totally unflattering to your skin tone.

91. Not everyone can pull off Dior gray.

92. We need to redecorate. Wait, we're sharing a room?

93. I'm not cool with that!

94. Baby, I know it's weird, okay?

95. But can't be much of a surprise.

96. And, in time, you're gonna be as happy as I am.

97. Yeah, look, I'll knock out a wall upstairs,

98. I'll put an addition on, okay?

99. But-but until then, maybe this will

100. grease the wheels a bit, huh?

101. Oh. Hey.

102. Look, that's 300. Oh, my... Have at it.

103. You redecorate this place.

104. Don't worry, roomie.

105. Mr. Ikea Catalog and I will have this all figured out.

106. I am going to

107. put together a palate that expresses

108. who you are and who I want you to be.

109. Who you want to be. Hey, what night's game night?

110. You play Sorry?

111. You know... He will now.

112. I will... Sorry.

113. I will beat you. It's so weird.

114. This so isn't you.

115. I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.

116. Tina, are there any other looks you can try?

117. Biker chick? Cowgirl?

118. Hood rat. Computer programmer.

119. Cross-country skier. Catholic schoolgirl.

120. Happy Meal, no onions. Or a chicken.

121. Look, I appreciate it, guys, but it just isn't me.

122. I know who I am, and I'm not

123. allowed to show it. It's like communism.

124. Guys, we have a serious problem.

125. You know how I've been doing

126. some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline?

127. Isn't that against the rules? No, not at all.

128. Or probably. Whatever!

129. Anyway, what I figured out; I rooted through the Dumpsters

130. behind the Carmel auditorium and I found

131. 18 empty boxes of Christmas lights.

132. Oh, no.

133. Which led me to Joelle Fabrics.

134. I asked them about red Chantilly lace.

135. They were sold out. Oh, sweet Jesus.

136. Oh, my. Wait, what?

137. - They're doing Gaga. - That's it. It's over.

138. Exactly. We should have guessed it.

139. They're going for full-out theatricality.

140. They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them.

141. What's up with this Gaga dude?

142. He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?

143. Lady Gaga is a woman.

144. She's only the biggest pop act

145. to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing,

146. the most theatrical performer of our generation.

147. And she changes her look

148. faster than Brit changes sexual partners.

149. That's true.

150. It makes sense that

151. Vocal Adrenaline would pay homage.

152. It's a brilliant move. She's a perfect fit

153. for them. Hold on a second.

154. We might be able to kill two birds with one stone here.

155. We can help Tina

156. find a new look and nd

157. a competitive number for regionals.

158. This week, your assignment:

159. Gaga.

160. [gasping, murmuring] Pens, we need pens.

161. My ideas just come to me. Uh, my office.

162. Right there. I'm brainstorming. It's coming.

163. And claw, claw, uh, clap, clap.

164. And five, six, seven, eight.

165. One, two, three, four... Think they can see us?

166. If they catch us,

167. are we gonna have to go to jail?

168. Stealing their ideas is not a crime.

169. six, seven, eight. And one, two...

170. Your shoes are making noise.

171. and five, six, seven, eight.

172. And one, two, three, four, five, six and seven...

173. They look amazing. Claw, claw, uh, clap, clap.

174. And five, six— uh, uh... Okay, okay, okay, just...

175. enough.

176. You guys aren't getting it.

177. Your letting the costumes do all the work.

178. Theatricality isn't about crazy outfits.

179. It's not enough to douse yourselves with gasoline.

180. You have to light yourselves on fire to make it work.

181. God, she's good. But being theatrical

182. doesn't mean you have to be a nuclear explosion.

183. It can be like, like a quiet storm. You just have to radiate emotion,

184. express what's deep inside you.

185. That's what theatricality is truly about.

186. Do I have to demonstrate? "Funny Girl," E flat.

187. Exactly what I would have done: Barbra.

188. I could do it in my sleep.

189. - Where are you going? - Get back here.

190. Ms. Corcoran?

191. I'm Rachel Berry, I'm your daughter.

192. Did you ever regret it? Yes.

193. Then no. Then so much.

194. W-When did you realize it was the right time for me to find you?

195. I saw you sing at sectionals. You were extraordinary.

196. You were me.

197. Was it hard for you to not become a star?

198. To not have your dreams come true? It felt like a broken promise.

199. Like the Fisher King's wound— never heals.

200. Wow. Genetics really are amazing.

201. You see the world with the same fierce theatricality as I do.

202. Even the way we're sitting right now is so dramatic,

203. and yet we feel so comfortable with it.

204. I've missed so much. How do you feel?

205. Thirsty.

206. When I was little and I used to get sad,

207. my dads would bring me a glass of water.

208. It got so I couldn't tell if I was sad

209. or just thirsty.

210. I shouldn't have done this.

211. This was supposed to feel good.

212. W-We were supposed to have some kind of

213. slow-motion run into each other's arms.

214. This is all wrong.

215. Maybe we can just go to dinner or something

216. just to get over the initial shock.

217. I'm so sorry, Rachel.

218. Uh... I'll... I'll call you.

219. Oh, hey, Finn, come on in.

220. I'm learning all this amazing stuff about Lady Gaga.

221. She's got this thing called the "Haus of Gaga," which is

222. like, this collective of artists and designers

223. who collaborate on, on her styles

224. and stage sets and her music.

225. I think it's an exciting model

226. for what we could be doing in Glee Club.

227. Yeah, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

228. I don't want to do Lady Gaga.

229. And I suspect that... with the exception of Kurt...

230. that none of the other guys are gonna want to do it either.

231. I just feel like we're always doing whatever the girls want us to do.

232. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

233. Maybe I haven't been listening to you guys hard enough.

234. So let's find a solution.

235. Well, I, uh, I actually already have one.

236. You're wrong.

237. It's a really good name. It's a rock star name.

238. You want to name our daughter "Jack Daniels"?

239. She's a girl!

240. Okay, fine, whatever. Jackie Daniels.

241. The name is not the point. I told you this.

242. I'm giving up the baby

243. so I don't have to do this with you.

244. This is good for you.

245. Now you can go off and be a rock star yourself.

246. I love wearing champagne bubbles!

247. I get to express a whole different side of myself!

248. Because even though I'm painfully shy

249. and obsessed with death, I'm a really effervescent person.

250. Excuse me! Were you dropped on your heads?

251. What was that? I think you heard me.

252. I'm just saying.

253. Pick on me— that's fine— but don't throw around a girl.

254. Well, you know, lately,

255. we haven't been able to tell the difference.

256. We're not gaga for Gaga. You dress all freaky,

257. and then you rub it in everybody's faces.

258. I don't want to look at it all day!

259. It's weird. It makes my eyes tired.

260. If you want to switch it up a bit,

261. just go from Gap to Banana Republic.

262. It's called being theatrical. We're showing off who you are.

263. It's the same thing you do when you go to school

264. with your football uniforms on.

265. You're expressing yourself, and we have every right

266. to do the same. Well, you know what?

267. The next time you want to express yourself

268. a little like a circus freak, don't be shocked when my fist

269. feels like expressing itself against your chin!

270. Okay?

271. Knock that crazy fool crepe-paper nonsense offa you.

272. Let's go. Yeah, you don't want to be late for

273. your appointment at Supercuts!

274. Watch your mouth, homo!

275. And you know what, fancy? You don't need

276. an appointment at Supercuts. They love walk-ins.

277. Little monsters, take a bow. [Will laughs, applause]

278. All right! Ladies, Kurt, I am really, really impressed.

279. Sientete. You know, you know what the best part is?

280. Each one of those costumes shows off a different aspect

281. of your personalities. Wait. Where's Rachel?

282. I mean, I only noticed because, like,

283. five minutes have gone by

284. without her saying something totally obnoxious.

285. Rachel kinda got some intense news yesterday.

286. We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline, and...

287. You guys, that's not fair! You gotta stop doing that.

288. But, uh, you know, what, what'd you find out?

289. - Okay, y'all ready? - Miss Corcoran, their coach?

290. She's Richel's mom. Are you serious?

291. Way to bury the lead, Mercedes.

292. We're screwed.

293. Rachel's gonna jump ship over to Vocal Adrenaline. Never.

294. I really don't want to talk about it, though.

295. I'm still processing the news.

296. And my dads are moving my therapist to our spare room

297. later this afternoon.

298. All I can know is that I'm not going anywhere,

299. and I've chosen a Lady Gaga look

300. that expresses the longing for a childhood

301. I was deprived of.

302. You look terrible. I look awesome.

303. I think it's the Kermit-the-Frog look.

304. And we have a jumper. Well, my dads can't sew,

305. so these are just stapled on.

306. Guys, why don't we worry about this later,

307. and maybe try to focus on the song?

308. Couldn't agree more. Hit it!

309. All right!

310. What up, Finn? What's that on your face?

311. You got a bad pimple or something? A Finn-ple?

312. Dude, are you wearing makeup?

313. I knew it was contagious.

314. You moved in with that little Kurt kid,

315. and now you got a bad case of the gay.

316. It's just something for Glee Club, all right?

317. Oh, well, then it's definitely not gay, huh?

318. Get out of my way!

319. Man, how many times do we got go through this?

320. You being a jock and being in this Glee Club

321. does not make you versatile. It makes you bisexual.

322. And if we have to kick your ass

323. to make you understand that,

324. then our schedules are wide open.

325. Get out of my bathroom.

326. You girls, y'all belong across the hallway.

327. Glee boy!

328. Yeah, that's better, guys. Take five.

329. And, ladies, I don't want to hear about chafing

330. just because you're being forced to wear metal underwear.

331. Not my problem.

332. Mom?

333. Hon, you gotta stop sneaking into these rehearsals.

334. It's kind of important.

335. Oh, dear God.

336. My dads can't sew.

337. I really need a mom right now.

338. Do you think you can help?

339. Sorry I'm late.

340. Whoa, looking good, Rachel!

341. Thanks.

342. My mom made it. Very nice.

343. Well, we're all here, so without further ado,

344. I'd like to introduce The Boys!

345. Lima, Ohio, get ready to rock!

346. All right, guys, very impressive.

347. Very, very... loud.

348. But what, uh, what does that performance express?

349. And what do those costumes illustrate?

350. We did our research, Mr. Shue.

351. Yeah, Finn's demon look

352. is because Gene Simmons liked comic books as a kid,

353. and they called Paul Stanley the "Star Child"

354. because he was a romantic or something.

355. But that doesn't really explain my whore lips.

356. And my Ace Frehley is supposed

357. to be a spaceman from another planet.

358. Mike's iconic catman

359. is because Peter Criss claimed to have nine lives.

360. Yeah, And I'm dressed as the guy who replaced Artie when he quit.

361. Well, congratulations, guys. Job well done.

362. Let's give it up for the boys!

363. I thought the boys' KISS number was good,

364. although the lyrics did leave something to be desired.

365. And Finn kept sticking his tongue out

366. and I couldn't stop picturing him licking stuff.

367. It was disturbing.

368. We warned you.

369. Now Gaga's got to go.

370. Could you have a word with Azimio and Karofsky

371. about harassing me without damaging my Gaga outfit?

372. Are you serious?

373. Do you know how difficult it is with those guys?

374. They already think we're boyfriends.

375. Let them think what they want.

376. They're Neanderthals.

377. In three years, they'll be cleaning my septic tank.

378. Don't you get it? It's not just them.

379. We live in Ohio—

380. not New York or San Francisco or some other city

381. where people eat vegetables that aren't fried.

382. I don't understand why you always need

383. to make such a big spectacle

384. of yourself.

385. Why can't you just work harder at blending in?

386. I'm sure that'd be easier for you.

387. You know, it would.

388. You are such a boy.

389. You're going to have to use a moist towelette

390. if you want to get that makeup off.

391. Don't touch me!

392. What is your problem, Finn?

393. It's just a moist towelette!

394. I'm gonna finish in the laundry room.

395. Grow up, Finn!

396. I know why you called, and don't worry about it.

397. My reconnection with Rachel is not some kind of plot

398. to mess with you guys before regionals.

399. I'm not worried about regionals.

400. It's Rachel.

401. She's special.

402. She's got all of the best of you.

403. She's strong-willed, dramatic,

404. wildly talented.

405. Go on.

406. But she's not hard like you.

407. She's fragile.

408. over-emotional.

409. And she's clearly convinced herself

410. that you are as committed to this reunion

411. as she is.

412. And I don't think you are.

413. You're not prepared to have

414. a teenage daughter.

415. Are you?

416. I can't have any more kids.

417. There were issues

418. a few years back.

419. Then some surgery, and that's that.

420. I really wanted a daughter.

421. That's why it was so important to me

422. to make that bond with her.

423. But you're right.

424. I wanted my baby back.

425. Rachel's an adult now.

426. She doesn't need me.

427. Shelby,

428. I can't tell you what to do...

429. But if you really love her,

430. you have to tell her

431. what you just told me.

432. I had to skip school to finish it,

433. but I think you're really going to like it.

434. Consider it a peace offering after all the yelling

435. that we've been doing.

436. I used Marlene Dietrich and Gary Cooper in Morocco

437. as my inspiration.

438. It's a perfect blend of the masculine and the feminine,

439. the muted and the theatrical.

440. Are you freaking insane?

441. I can't live here. I'm a dude.

442. What the hell is that

443. supposed to be?

444. It's a privacy partition

445. It's all I could find on such short notice.

446. Why are you getting angry about everything?

447. I worked hard on thi

448. That's not a privacy partition!

449. Why is it so hard for you

450. to understand?

451. I don't want to get dressed in front of you!

452. Do you know that

453. I put my underwear on in the shower

454. before I come out when you're around?

455. I just... I don't want to have to worry

456. about that kind of stuff in my own room, man.

457. And what stuff are you referring to?

458. You know. You know what I'm talking about.

459. Don't play dumb.

460. Why can't you just accept that I'm not like you?

461. I have accepted that. No, you haven't.

462. You think I don't see the way you stare at me?

463. How flirty you get.

464. You think I don't know why you got so excited

465. that we were going to be moving in together?

466. It's just a room, Finn!

467. We can redecorate it if you want to!

468. Okay, good.

469. Well, then the first thing that needs to go

470. is that faggy lamp.

471. And then we need to get rid of this faggy couch cover...

472. Hey!

473. What did you just call him?

474. Oh, no, no, I didn't call him anything.

475. I was talking to the blanket.

476. If you use that word, you're talking about him.

477. Relax, Dad. I didn't take it that way.

478. Yeah, that's because you're 16

479. and you still assume the best in people.

480. You live a few years,

481. you start seeing the hate in people's hearts.

482. Even the best people.

483. You use the "N" word?

484. Of course not.

485. How about "retard"?

486. You call that nice girl in Cheerios! with Kurt, you call her a retard?

487. Becky— no. She's my friend. She's got Down syndrome.

488. I'd never call her that. That's cruel.

489. But you think it's okay to come into my house

490. and say "faggy"?

491. That's not what I meant... I know what you meant!

492. What, you think I didn't use that word when I was your age?

493. You know, some kid

494. gets clocked in practice,

495. we'd tell him to stop being such a fag.

496. Shake it off.

497. We meant it exactly

498. the way you meant it.

499. That being gay is wrong.

500. That it's some kind

501. of punishable offense.

502. I really thought you were different, Finn.

503. You know, I thought that being in Glee Club

504. and being raised by your mom

505. meant that you were some, you know,

506. new generation of dude who saw things differently.

507. Who just kind of, you know, came into the world

508. knowing what has taken me years of struggling

509. to figure out.

510. I guess I was wrong.

511. I'm sorry, Finn, but you can't... you can't stay here.

512. Dad.

513. I love your mom.

514. And maybe this is going to cost me her,

515. but my family comes first.

516. I can't have that kind of poison around.

517. This is our home, Kurt.

518. He is my son.

519. Out in the world, you do what you want,

520. but not under my roof.

521. The place looks great.

522. - You should be in orbit. - My balls keep fallinoff.

523. Been there.

524. I want to talk about this.

525. There's not much to say.

526. I feel sorry for you. I thought you were different.

527. I am different.

528. All right, let's get things started.

529. Mr. Shue.

530. There's something I want to say to Quinn.

531. And I want everybody to hear it.

532. All right.

533. At first I didn't really get this theatrical assignment,

534. being larger than life and putting it all out there,

535. 'cause I'm kind of like that all the time.

536. That's how my dad was, too.

537. He was too busy being all crazy and rock and roll

538. to be there for his kid.

539. And you know what?

540. I didn't care that my dad was a badass.

541. I just wanted him to be there.

542. And he never was.

543. And then I learned

544. all this KISS stuff

545. and while Jackie Daniels is a great name for like

546. a powerboat or something, it's not right for a baby girl.

547. So if my KISS mates

548. will help me out, I got a better idea.

549. Grab a stool, guys.

550. I know you're giving her up,

551. but before you do, I think you should name her Beth.

552. If you'll let me,

553. I'd really like to be there when she's born.

554. I'd really like to meet her.

555. So, how'd your dads come up with the name "Rachel"?

556. They were, um, big Friends fans.

557. I know why you're here...

558. to say good-bye.

559. I really wanted this to work.

560. Do you know what really turned me?

561. That story that you told me about your dads,

562. and how they'd bring you water

563. when you were sad.

564. We're never gonna have anything like that.

565. It's too late for us.

566. I just think that anything we share right now

567. is gonna be confusing for you.

568. I just don't understand.

569. You're my mom.

570. I feel awful right now, and I should want

571. to just fall into your arms and let you rock me

572. and tell me everything is gonna be fine, but...

573. I just don't feel it.

574. It's because I'm your mother, but I'm not your mom.

575. So what? Do we just pretend we don't know each other now?

576. That seems silly.

577. Let's just be grateful for one another...

578. from afar.

579. For a while.

580. Don't think for a second I'm gonna

581. go soft on you during regionals.

582. Can I have a hug good-bye?

583. Sure.

584. Can you do me one more favor?

585. Sometime when you're thirsty...

586. can you get yourself some water from this cup?

587. Gold stars are kinda my thing.

588. Of course.

589. Shelby...

590. before you go, will...

591. will you sing with me?

592. Just one time.

593. It's sort of a fantasy of mine,

594. and it would really mean a lot to me.

595. I would be honored.

596. Brad!

597. He's always just around.

598. Um, take that.

599. Here you go.

600. "She's got to love nobody. - She's got to love nobody"

601. You are really, really good.

602. Whoa!

603. Guys, why are you all in your theatricality costumes?

604. It's the end of the week. We were kinda hoping

605. to learn what the lesson of the assignment was.

606. Well, um...

607. you guys have had some great numbers this week,

608. but I'm not totally sure that I know either.

609. I do.

610. I refuse to dress like somebody I'm not

611. to be somebody I'm not.

612. And I learned it's good to be a little theatrical.

613. So here's what's going to happen.

614. My dad— he's the king of the vampires.

615. And Asian vampires are the most vicious of all the vampires.

616. You're going to let me wear my lady demon clothes,

617. or my dad will fly into your bedroom and bite your face off.

618. He's really pissed.

619. Is that what you want?

620. No, I don't want that. I'm afraid.

621. Good. I'm glad we had this talk.

622. Now I have to go back to my coffin

623. because the light is burning my eyes!

624. There she is.

625. Wait. Where's Kurt?

626. Where's Finn?

627. Fine.

628. You want to hit me?

629. You want to beat me up? Go ahead.

630. But I swear to you I will never change.

631. I'm proud to be different.

632. It's the best thing about me.

633. So go ahead, hit me.

634. I believe I will.

635. Sir, would you like to go first?

636. You're not hitting anyone.

637. Oh, my God.

638. Is he wearing a red rubber dress or am I trippin'?

639. I want to thank you, Kurt.

640. I realize I still have

641. a lot to learn,

642. but the reason I'm here right now...

643. in a shower curtain,

644. is... because of you.

645. And I'm not going to let anyone lay a hand on you.

646. Oh, really, dude?

647. 'Cause I'm pretty sure we can take both of you.

648. Yeah?

649. But can you take all of us? Okay.

650. Okay, I get it.

651. I took biology. You know what, Karofsky?

652. We done disturbed the freak hive.

653. The worker freaks is trying to protect the queen freak.

654. Next time...

655. we'll bring some friends, too.

656. I'm tired of everyone calling us freaks.

657. Welllook at us. We are freaks.

658. But we're all freaks together.

659. And we shouldn't have to hide it.

660. Nice job, Finn.

661. I think you just figured out what the lesson was.

662. Kinda makes me wish I had planned it.

663. But Mercedes is right, You do all look incredibly insane.

664. Thank you. Thank you. You're so welcome.

665. Anyways, let's get back to work

666. before you're all forced to join the circus.

667. Next stop? Regionals.