1. So here's what's happend on Glee
Finn got Kurt to try outCopy !req
2. for the football team, which was super cool,
but sometimesCopy !req
3. it seems like maybe Kurt's sort
of got a crush on him.Copy !req
4. It's enough to want to
give up women all together.Copy !req
5. Will's old crush, April,
joined the Glee Club,Copy !req
6. but she was drunk all the time,
so Will kicked her out.Copy !req
7. Also, Sue convinced Kurt and
Mercedes that they should joinCopy !req
8. the Cheerios! which Will was none too happy
about.Copy !req
9. Ladies, what we have here
is a grade-A dilemma.Copy !req
10. Mercedes, your vocal chordsCopy !req
11. have had more fantastic runs
than a Kenyan track team,Copy !req
12. but that look simply will not do.Copy !req
13. At first, I thought it wasCopy !req
14. a subtle homage to yours truly,Copy !req
15. but now I fear it's some
sort of ironic comment.Copy !req
16. Ms. Sylvester, I'm just not comfortableCopy !req
17. in those Cheerios! skirts.Copy !req
18. They don't fit me right.Copy !req
19. Mercedes, you shouldn't feel
embarrassed about your body.Copy !req
20. Embarrassed?Copy !req
21. No, no. I'm worried about
showing too much skinCopy !req
22. and causing a sex riot.Copy !req
23. How do you two not have a show on Bravo?Copy !req
24. Here's the skinny: Splitts! magazine,Copy !req
25. after much campaigning by one Sue Sylvester,Copy !req
26. In seven days, reporter Tracey PendergrassCopy !req
27. will arrive on campus,Copy !req
28. and my new star singer
will have lost ten pounds,Copy !req
29. and be in a gende
r-appropriate cheerleading uniform,Copy !req
30. or she is off the team.Copy !req
31. Ten pounds?Copy !req
32. Are you serious? You could standCopy !req
33. to lose a few, too, kiddo.Copy !req
34. You got hips like a pear.Copy !req
35. Now, if you'll excuse me, I haveCopy !req
36. to put in a call to the
Ohio Secretary of State,Copy !req
37. notifying them I will no
longer be carrying photo I.D.Copy !req
38. You know why?Copy !req
39. People should know who I am.Copy !req
40. Sue! We need to talk.Copy !req
41. The auditorium is padlocked!Copy !req
42. Well, that's curious.Copy !req
43. - Did you check the sign-up sheet?
- What sign-up sheet?Copy !req
44. Why, the one I keep right
here in my waistband,Copy !req
45. William. Let's see.Copy !req
46. Yeah, I've got the entire week booked solid.Copy !req
47. Got a big magazine feature coming up.Copy !req
48. It's a little chilly for my
girls to be practicing outdoors.Copy !req
49. Yeah? Well, let's see what
Figgins has to say about this.Copy !req
50. Oh, I'm sure Figgins will just
mumble something nervouslyCopy !req
51. and then pretend to take a phone call.Copy !req
52. I happen to be blackmailing him.Copy !req
53. Um, all right, I have one
final announcementCopy !req
54. before we all leave.Copy !req
55. We can't use the auditorium
for the next week.Copy !req
56. But that's garbage.
How are we supposed to practiceCopy !req
57. for Regionals without the auditorium?Copy !req
58. The Cheerios! need it to practice in.Copy !req
59. There's nothing I can do.Copy !req
60. I recommend a sit-in.Copy !req
61. I recommend we torch the place.Copy !req
62. No. Look, we've all faced adversity before,Copy !req
63. and we've come out stronger on the other end.Copy !req
64. I'm going to check out a few of
f-site locations for usCopy !req
65. to use, just for the week.Copy !req
66. I promise I'll find us a new home.Copy !req
67. Have good day, guys.Copy !req
68. Oh, Finn, I wanted your opinion on this.Copy !req
69. It's a swatch board.Copy !req
70. I'm redecorating my bedroom.Copy !req
71. Kind of going for a hunting lodgeCopy !req
72. meets Tom Ford's place in Bel Air.Copy !req
73. I was hoping you could help me outCopy !req
74. with the hunting lodge part.Copy !req
75. I live in a closet.Copy !req
76. There's cowboy wallpaper on the walls.Copy !req
77. Oh...Copy !req
78. But I guess that one's nice.Copy !req
79. Toile?Copy !req
80. I always pegged you as a chinoiserie type.Copy !req
81. Mercedes...Copy !req
82. This is healthy!Copy !req
83. Chicken breast and a salad,
dressing on the side.Copy !req
84. You have a week to lose ten pounds.Copy !req
85. That's like having to lose
one of my butt cheeks.Copy !req
86. Look at what I'm eating— peeled celery.Copy !req
87. And for breakfast, I had Splenda.Copy !req
88. Look, Mercedes, now that we're cheerleaders,Copy !req
89. we're finally part of the in crowd.Copy !req
90. We have a place at the table.Copy !req
91. We don't have to beg undneath
for scraps of attention.Copy !req
92. Don't screw it up.Copy !req
93. I'm pretty sure my cat's
been reading my diary.Copy !req
94. Hey, guys. Can I ask you something?Copy !req
95. How do you manage to stay so skinny?Copy !req
96. The Sue Sylvester Master Cleanse.Copy !req
97. Water, maple syrup for glucose,Copy !req
98. lemon for acid, cayenne
pepper to irritate the bowels,Copy !req
99. and a dash of ipecac, a vomiting agent.Copy !req
100. I haven't had a solid meal since 1987.Copy !req
101. Sometimes I add a teaspoon of sand.Copy !req
102. That can't be healthy. Who cares?Copy !req
103. You can either feel terrible and look great,Copy !req
104. or get kicked off the team
when that reporter gets here.Copy !req
105. Why are you so upset?Copy !req
106. It's not your bed.Copy !req
107. Don't you have any feelings about it?Copy !req
108. It's your and dad's honeymoon set.Copy !req
109. I was conceived in that bed.Copy !req
110. You were conceived on a pinball machine.Copy !req
111. Well... I think that's everything.Copy !req
112. You mentioned something about the recliner?Copy !req
113. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
114. It doesn't look like much,
but the parts all work.Copy !req
115. Ooh, my wife would love this.Copy !req
116. Sciatica.Copy !req
117. Mom, no!Copy !req
118. It's not for sale.Copy !req
119. This is Dad's chair.Copy !req
120. This is the only picture of the two of us.Copy !req
121. It's the only picture there willCopy !req
122. ever be of the two of us,
and he's sitting in this chair.Copy !req
123. It's a chair, honey. It's not him.Copy !req
124. What's going on with you?Copy !req
125. You're selling all our old stuff,Copy !req
126. you got new clothes, a new haircut...Copy !req
127. I'm seeing someone, Finn. Um...Copy !req
128. I think I'm in love.Copy !req
129. Who is it?Copy !req
130. Uh, do I know him?Copy !req
131. It's your friend Kurt's father—Copy !req
132. Burt Hummel.Copy !req
133. Hey. I'd like to talk to someone
about renting out this space.Copy !req
134. Okay, fellas, grab a gal, or...Copy !req
135. grab another fella if that's
the way the Good Lord made ya!Copy !req
136. 'Cause it's a couples skate!Copy !req
137. No way.Copy !req
138. Well, as I live and breathe!Copy !req
139. Will Schuester?Copy !req
140. I just had a sex dreamCopy !req
141. about you! Aw, isn't he smokin'?Copy !req
142. April. April, please stop
speaking into the mic.Copy !req
143. Wait... I smell something.Copy !req
144. What?Copy !req
145. Springsteen! Hit it!Copy !req
146. April, what is going on here?Copy !req
147. You own this place?Copy !req
148. April, what happened?Copy !req
149. I mean, last time I saw you,Copy !req
150. you were getting cleaned up,
headed off to Branson.Copy !req
151. I know. It's crazy, right?Copy !req
152. I was so jazzed about sobering upCopy !req
153. and starting a new life,Copy !req
154. I had to stop at a bar to get
a drink just to calm down.Copy !req
155. Then I hung out at that bar
for a few months or so.Copy !req
156. One day, an old codger,
about 75, 80, came in,Copy !req
157. and asked to buy me a drink.Copy !req
158. Get this.Copy !req
159. Buddy Leibowitz.Copy !req
160. Of Leibowitz Strip Malls?
I'm his new mistress.Copy !req
161. April, I really thought you were
serious about getting sober.Copy !req
162. No. Don't look so disappointed, Will.Copy !req
163. I mean, who are we kidding really?Copy !req
164. I'm nothing but a washed-up dreamer.Copy !req
165. It's all I'll ever be.Copy !req
166. Besides, I've finally realizedCopy !req
167. my lifelong ambition of being a mistressCopy !req
168. to an incredibly wealthy strip mall tycoonCopy !req
169. and the owner-operator
of a cabaret roller rink.Copy !req
170. Um, listen, about that—Copy !req
171. well, the Glee Club kind of
needs some rehearsal space.Copy !req
172. Sue's commandeered the auditorium.Copy !req
173. Are you kidding? Bring 'em here.Copy !req
174. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
175. Oh, that would be amazing!Copy !req
176. And I promise, it's only temporary.Copy !req
177. Oh, you're the best.Copy !req
178. Listen, uh, I got to run.Copy !req
179. I've got an appointment to show my apartment.Copy !req
180. What's this, now?Copy !req
181. Yeah, so I need to rent out my apartmentCopy !req
182. and find a smaller place to live.Copy !req
183. Uh...Copy !req
184. because I'm... I'm getting a divorce.Copy !req
185. Divorce?Copy !req
186. So you're free to date?Copy !req
187. And by date, I mean sleep with people.Copy !req
188. And by sleep with,
I mean have sex with people.Copy !req
189. People like me.Copy !req
190. Kidding.Copy !req
191. Not really. But listen to this.Copy !req
192. You're looking for a subletter.Copy !req
193. I'm looking for a place to stay.Copy !req
194. One catch.Copy !req
195. I'm full-time fancy now, Will.Copy !req
196. I'm gonna want to check the place out.Copy !req
197. or the #fing-fong,# or whatever they call it.Copy !req
198. Tell you what.Copy !req
199. I'm gonna go get myselfCopy !req
200. a bikini wax,Copy !req
201. and I'm gonna see you tomorrow.Copy !req
202. I lost two pounds, Coach.Copy !req
203. Well, Becky, you are
assimilating beautifully.Copy !req
204. Instead of being different and an outcast,Copy !req
205. you're just like every other
teenage girl in America—Copy !req
206. sadly obsessed with vanity.Copy !req
207. Hey, before you know it, you'll beCopy !req
208. leaving little baggies of upchuckCopy !req
209. in your parents' linen closet.Copy !req
210. Congrats. I'm proud of you, kid.Copy !req
211. Thanks, Coach. You betcha.Copy !req
212. Next!Copy !req
213. Hey, you're still in your track uniform.Copy !req
214. Yup, and I'm ready for my midweek weigh-in.Copy !req
215. I've been eating very well,
and walking everywhere, and...Copy !req
216. Okay, well, climb aboard.Copy !req
217. Let's see how many libbies you lost.Copy !req
218. Well, look at that, Mercedes.Copy !req
219. You've gained two pounds.Copy !req
220. What? That's impossible!Copy !req
221. Look, I'm gonna break it down for you.Copy !req
222. You have four days to lose the weight,Copy !req
223. get yourself in a uniform, or you're out.Copy !req
224. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
225. Well, you might try dropping the attitude.Copy !req
226. I'm sure there's a pound or two in that.Copy !req
227. You know, with the Cheerios!
we have only one lesson,Copy !req
228. and it's very simple lesson:Copy !req
229. You do whatever it takes.Copy !req
230. Next.Copy !req
231. Kurt, hey! What-What the hell'sCopy !req
232. going on with our parents?Copy !req
233. How did this happen?
When did they even meet each other?Copy !req
234. Parent-Teacher conference night,
about a month ago.Copy !req
235. I always accompany my father
to those conferences,Copy !req
236. to act as translator.Copy !req
237. How do you know this is not organic?Copy !req
238. Because you can see the logo.
It's encrusted in the cookie.Copy !req
239. Fate brought them together.Copy !req
240. Dad, meet Carole Hudson.Copy !req
241. Ms. Hudson, my father— Burt Hummel.Copy !req
242. You both have dead spouses,
maybe you should talk.Copy !req
243. You know, I was just saying to a friendCopy !req
244. that acid wash should make a comeback.Copy !req
245. Mmm. Really.Copy !req
246. And who said it ever left?Copy !req
247. It was an instant connection.Copy !req
248. That's impossible.Copy !req
249. When will you learn that
nothing is impossibleCopy !req
250. when it comes to love?Copy !req
251. Haven't you noticed anything
different about your mom?Copy !req
252. New clothes, new makeup,Copy !req
253. a haircut that doesn't look
like it was styled by the Amish?Copy !req
254. Who do you think Pretty Woman'ed her up?Copy !req
255. Has she started selling the furniture yet?Copy !req
256. Yeah, yeah, she just got
rid of her old bedroom set.Copy !req
257. And she tried to sell my dad's chair,
but I stopped her.Copy !req
258. How did you even know that?Copy !req
259. People our parents' age don't
wait around for love to bloom.Copy !req
260. They know what they want.Copy !req
261. I guess you and I will be
roommates with Mom and DadCopy !req
262. cohabitating upstairs by midterms.Copy !req
263. No way. Give in to the inevitable, Finn.Copy !req
264. I want us to decide how to
redecorate our room together.Copy !req
265. That's why I asked you about the swatches.Copy !req
266. And don't sweat that old chair.Copy !req
267. I have a lovely chaise picked out.Copy !req
268. Look, I-I like my house.Copy !req
269. I'm not moving, and she's not
selling that... that damn chair.Copy !req
270. A roller rink?Copy !req
271. Weren't those outlawed in, like, 1981,Copy !req
272. for being totally lame?Copy !req
273. Oh, come on, guys,
where's your sense of adventure?Copy !req
274. The space is great and April is giving itCopy !req
275. to us to practice in for free.Copy !req
276. Mr. Shue, if I may?Copy !req
277. New Directions! is clearly a
club with a dearth of direction.Copy !req
278. Rachel and Jessie refuse to acceptCopy !req
279. that all of us would rather dieCopy !req
280. before we allow them to become
the next Beyonce and Jay-Z.Copy !req
281. And Finn's mother's romance with my fatherCopy !req
282. is sending him into a wholly
unnecessary tailspin of despair.Copy !req
283. What we all need right nowCopy !req
284. is to explore the idea of a sense of placeCopy !req
285. and how, if we find that place within,Copy !req
286. we will get that happy ending.Copy !req
287. Brad, B flat.Copy !req
288. Hiya, hot stuff.Copy !req
289. Hey, April.Copy !req
290. Um... come in.Copy !req
291. What's with the...
what's with the duffel bag?Copy !req
292. Can't have an overnighter
without an overnight bag.Copy !req
293. Overnight?Copy !req
294. Baby, I'm an artist— I don't go by brains,Copy !req
295. I go by feel.Copy !req
296. I need to settle in to
the energy of the place,Copy !req
297. get to know the ghosts.Copy !req
298. Won't Buddy miss you?Copy !req
299. Oh, he's out of town.Copy !req
300. Something about buying a new kidneyCopy !req
301. or lung.Copy !req
302. Look, April, I'm really not comfortableCopy !req
303. with any of this.Copy !req
304. I'm not looking for a hookup, Will.Copy !req
305. I just sleep better with
someone inside the house.Copy !req
306. I guess I've been just feeling
a little lonely, you know?Copy !req
307. Yeah. I know.Copy !req
308. Just one night?Copy !req
309. Oh, look, do you want to
sublet this place quick or not?Copy !req
310. Okay, fine, but you get the couch.Copy !req
311. And no funny business.Copy !req
312. Um...Copy !req
313. bathroom is right around the corner.Copy !req
314. Sometimes you just need a little Burt.Copy !req
315. Take whatever you want from the refrigerator.Copy !req
316. April.Copy !req
317. The liquor cabinet is off-limits.Copy !req
318. Oh, no worries— brought my own.Copy !req
319. Good night, April.Copy !req
320. G'night, Will.Copy !req
321. Good night, Will.Copy !req
322. Good night, April.Copy !req
323. A toast.Copy !req
324. Tonight is a momentous occasion.Copy !req
325. It marks the first rea
communion between the HummelCopy !req
326. and the Hudson clans.Copy !req
327. I imagine that when the BouviersCopy !req
328. and the Kennedys first broke bread,Copy !req
329. there was a similar sense of joy and urgency.Copy !req
330. So let me raise my Shirley TempleCopy !req
331. to our new little family.Copy !req
332. Aw... We're not a family.Copy !req
333. Finn...Copy !req
334. It's cool. You're right.Copy !req
335. Your mom and I just enjoy each
other's company right now.Copy !req
336. Let's just enjoy dinner.Copy !req
337. I mean, I'm buying, right?Copy !req
338. What you, playing basketball now?Copy !req
339. Yeah, but I actuallyCopy !req
340. kind of like football better.Copy !req
341. I didn't know that.Copy !req
342. Sounds crazy, but I miss getting hit.Copy !req
343. Pure boyish insanity.Copy !req
344. No, it isn't.Copy !req
345. I totally get that.Copy !req
346. I used to love the feelingCopy !req
347. of getting my clock cleanedCopy !req
348. and then popping right up.Copy !req
349. Kind of reminded meCopy !req
350. of being alive. Yeah.Copy !req
351. Why hasn't anyone commentedCopy !req
352. on the new jeans I got Carole?Copy !req
353. Oh, come on.Copy !req
354. Notice that the waistband falls
well below the belly button.Copy !req
355. A welcome change.Copy !req
356. Sure, Kurt. Hey, you know, I sell tiresCopy !req
357. to one of the assistant
coaches from the Browns.Copy !req
358. I can probably get you tickets,
if you want to go.Copy !req
359. That'd be awesome. I've never
been to an NFL game live before.Copy !req
360. Well, no problem.Copy !req
361. Wow. You know,Copy !req
362. for a place called Breadstix,
these really suck.Copy !req
363. It's really just stale bread.Copy !req
364. Yeah...Copy !req
365. Hey.Copy !req
366. You finally choose one?Copy !req
367. No. They're all wrong.Copy !req
368. Well, they all look like gray to me.Copy !req
369. Well, maybe if they wereCopy !req
370. different colored sports uniforms,Copy !req
371. you'd work harder to try and tell them apart.Copy !req
372. I knew it. I knew when I started inCopy !req
373. on the football with Finn,
you'd take it personal.Copy !req
374. How could I not, Dad?Copy !req
375. When was the last timeCopy !req
376. you were that engaged in
a conversation with me?Copy !req
377. I'm sorry. I don't know what you want here.Copy !req
378. What I want is for you to appreciateCopy !req
379. how hard it is for me to
watch you bond with the sonCopy !req
380. that you've obviously always wanted.Copy !req
381. Oh, suddenly I'm not the guyCopy !req
382. who sat through Riverdance three years in a
row?Copy !req
383. Look, Kurt, I love you,Copy !req
384. and I am sympathetic to all of your stuff,Copy !req
385. but come on, buddy, we got a deal here.Copy !req
386. Right? I don't try to change you,Copy !req
387. you don't try to change me.Copy !req
388. You are my son,Copy !req
389. and a little guy talk with some other kidCopy !req
390. isn't gonna change that.Copy !req
391. Guy talk?Copy !req
392. I'm a guy.Copy !req
393. Well, come on, you know what I mean.Copy !req
394. Maybe I was wrong.Copy !req
395. Maybe it is too soonCopy !req
396. for you to start getting
serious with someone.Copy !req
397. Your mom's been dead eight years,
you know that.Copy !req
398. Why'd you fix me up with Carole, huh?Copy !req
399. Wasn't it to make me happy?Copy !req
400. 'Cause that's what you told me.Copy !req
401. Can you go now?Copy !req
402. I'm a half an hour behind
on my moisturizing routine,Copy !req
403. and I need to get up early.Copy !req
404. Do you want half of my peppermint patty?Copy !req
405. No. I don't put junk in my body.Copy !req
406. Why are you doing this?Copy !req
407. We like you no matter how you look.Copy !req
408. And those shake diets are really unhealthy.Copy !req
409. They also don't really work.Copy !req
410. As soon as you go off them,Copy !req
411. you gain back the weight you lost.Copy !req
412. You know what? I don't want to hear it!Copy !req
413. You have no idea how much I'm
sacrificing to be a Cheerio!Copy !req
414. To look fantastic.Copy !req
415. To finally fit in at this school.Copy !req
416. We're just trying to look out for you.Copy !req
417. We just want you to be healthy.Copy !req
418. Stop getting all up in my face,Copy !req
419. telling me what I can and cannot do.Copy !req
420. And I'm really hungry,
so stop trying to get me to eat you!Copy !req
421. Hold up. Did she just say
she wanted to eat us?Copy !req
422. The point is that Fanny Brice isCopy !req
423. the most iconic work.Copy !req
424. Aw, damn.Copy !req
425. Your blood pressure's low.Copy !req
426. Maybe that's why you fainted.Copy !req
427. Your mom will be here soon.Copy !req
428. I'll go and get you some ginger ale.Copy !req
429. Thanks. I'm not hungry.Copy !req
430. Yes, you are.Copy !req
431. You're starving.Copy !req
432. I know. I've been there.Copy !req
433. Did all the other kids
start looking like foodCopy !req
434. right before you fainted?Copy !req
435. - Yeah. How'd you know?
- Been there.Copy !req
436. Eat the granola bar.Copy !req
437. Why are you being so nice to me?Copy !req
438. I can't remember the last timeCopy !req
439. 'Cause I was you— scared.Copy !req
440. Hating myself for eating a cookie.Copy !req
441. But I got over it.Copy !req
442. Yeah, of course you did,Copy !req
443. Miss Pretty Blonde with the white girl ass.Copy !req
444. When you start eating for somebody else,Copy !req
445. so that they can grow and be healthy,Copy !req
446. your relationship to food changes.Copy !req
447. What I realized is thatCopy !req
448. if I'm so willing to eat right
to take care of this baby,Copy !req
449. why am I not willing to do it for myself?Copy !req
450. You are so lucky.Copy !req
451. You've always been at home in your body.Copy !req
452. Don't let Ms. Sylvester
take that away from you.Copy !req
453. I'm so embarrassed.Copy !req
454. This isn't me.Copy !req
455. How did I become this person?Copy !req
456. You are beautiful.Copy !req
457. You know that.Copy !req
458. I'm gonna stay here with you
until your mom comes, okay?Copy !req
459. I don't think this is gonna work out.Copy !req
460. So, I'm thinking about closing up early.Copy !req
461. Want to order a pizza,Copy !req
462. maybe snuggle up, pop in a movie?Copy !req
463. I don't think we should make a habitCopy !req
464. of spending the night together.Copy !req
465. All we did was sleep.Copy !req
466. No. All you did was sleep.Copy !req
467. I was up all night with you kicking me.Copy !req
468. Sorry. Them's the night terrors.Copy !req
469. Look, I'm in the middle
of a divorce, and you...Copy !req
470. Are you really where you want to be?Copy !req
471. I mean, being somebody's mistress?Copy !req
472. Don't you think you deserve
a little bit more than that?Copy !req
473. You can be the life of the party every nightCopy !req
474. and drink till you can't see straight,Copy !req
475. but you're always going to feel empty insideCopy !req
476. until you really find a home.Copy !req
477. But, listen, if you need a
place to stay tonight...Copy !req
478. No.Copy !req
479. No.Copy !req
480. You're right.Copy !req
481. You're right. I am worth more than that.Copy !req
482. Tonight, I'm gonna go over to Buddy's,Copy !req
483. and I'm gonna tell him we're through.Copy !req
484. If he still had the powers of speech,Copy !req
485. I'm sure he'd be thankful.Copy !req
486. You know, RinkyDinks loses $8,000 a night.Copy !req
487. Turns out, roller rinks—Copy !req
488. not so profitable.Copy !req
489. You always give me the right advice,
Mr. Schuester.Copy !req
490. See you around.Copy !req
491. Finn, we need to talk.Copy !req
492. We have to break up our parents immediately.Copy !req
493. I screwed up.Copy !req
494. I feel like the guy who set
up Liza and David Gest.Copy !req
495. It hurt you, didn't it?Copy !req
496. When I was talking sports
with your dad and stuff.Copy !req
497. I could tell that you were...Copy !req
498. Left out?Copy !req
499. Invisible?Copy !req
500. Yeah.Copy !req
501. I don't like that my mom's
forgetting about my dad.Copy !req
502. It's up to me to keep his memory alive,Copy !req
503. and I don't want to move in with you.Copy !req
504. No offense. None taken.Copy !req
505. So we put an end to them.Copy !req
506. Agreed?Copy !req
507. Agreed.Copy !req
508. What are you doing?Copy !req
509. I'm going to flush Dad's
ashes down the toilet.Copy !req
510. Have you lost your mind?Copy !req
511. What? I'm just doing the same
thing you're doing to him.Copy !req
512. What's the point of
keeping his remains aroundCopy !req
513. if you're just gonna dump
them out like an old ashtray?Copy !req
514. Fine.Copy !req
515. What are you doing? What you want.Copy !req
516. What we've been doingCopy !req
517. for the last 15 years— pretending.Copy !req
518. Come on, Finn, let's sit
and watch TV as a family.Copy !req
519. Look! There's a basketball game on.Copy !req
520. Your dad would've liked to watch that.Copy !req
521. What do you think, Christopher?Copy !req
522. Mom, you're being crazy.Copy !req
523. And you're being selfish.Copy !req
524. I like Burt. I-I...Copy !req
525. I haven't felt this way about
a guy since your dad died.Copy !req
526. At least not one who felt it back.Copy !req
527. This family works.
I don't want it to get screwed up!Copy !req
528. This family manages.Copy !req
529. We get by.Copy !req
530. You just don't know any differently becauseCopy !req
531. you think what we have is normal.Copy !req
532. I do this with him every night.Copy !req
533. I take the urn to bed with me,Copy !req
534. and I talk to him about my day.Copy !req
535. 16 years,Copy !req
536. I've been asking him for advice and...Copy !req
537. and waiting to hear his laugh,Copy !req
538. and for him to tell me that he loves me.Copy !req
539. And he never does.Copy !req
540. And he never will.Copy !req
541. I won't do it. I'm not moving. I'm not ready.Copy !req
542. And he wouldn't want you to
do this if I wasn't ready.Copy !req
543. You didn't know him, Finn.Copy !req
544. Sweetheart, love you so much.Copy !req
545. We don't need any more memories or ghosts.Copy !req
546. We need a family. A home.Copy !req
547. Well, with a name like Tracy,Copy !req
548. I assumed you were a lady.Copy !req
549. Quite a turnoutCopy !req
550. for a pep rally.Copy !req
551. On assembly days, I arrangeCopy !req
552. for the rest of the school to be fumigated,Copy !req
553. leaving the gymnasium the only
place with breathable air.Copy !req
554. Oh, come on. Thas clever.Copy !req
555. You might want to start writing
down my little bon mots.Copy !req
556. I'm gonna be dropping some beauties on you.Copy !req
557. You know, this is just a freelance job.Copy !req
558. I was short-listed for the Pulitzer last yearCopy !req
559. for my Newsweek pieceCopy !req
560. on high school athletes going pro.Copy !req
561. So my cover story isn't a fluff piece?Copy !req
562. Nope. Hard-hitting investigation.Copy !req
563. Feast your ears on this smokin' intro.Copy !req
564. In a few seconds.Copy !req
565. It's so important to build the tension.Copy !req
566. What is she doing?Copy !req
567. Hey, guys.Copy !req
568. I'm Mercedes Jones.Copy !req
569. So most of you knowCopy !req
570. Cheerios! is about perfection and winning,Copy !req
571. looking hot and being popular.Copy !req
572. Still building the tension.Copy !req
573. Well, I think that it should
be about something different.Copy !req
574. How many of you at this school feel fat?Copy !req
575. How many of you feel likeCopy !req
576. maybe you're not worth very much?Copy !req
577. Or you're ugly, or you have too many pimplesCopy !req
578. and not enough friends?Copy !req
579. Well, I felt all those things about myselfCopy !req
580. at one time or another.Copy !req
581. Hell, I felt most of those
things about myself today.Copy !req
582. And that just ain't right.Copy !req
583. And we've got something to say about it.Copy !req
584. And if you like what we have to say,Copy !req
585. come down here and sing it with us.Copy !req
586. We can finish this interview
in your office tomorrow.Copy !req
587. Thank you. I was wrong.Copy !req
588. Mr. Pendergrass, let me explain.Copy !req
589. Just have a seat.Copy !req
590. Oh. Not used to taking ordersCopy !req
591. in my own office.Copy !req
592. Sue, when I met you,
I instantly disliked you.Copy !req
593. You're bossy, insulting,Copy !req
594. and the fact that twice you called me RerunCopy !req
595. makes me think you're a little racist.Copy !req
596. I came here to write a pieceCopy !req
597. that would expose you
as a coward and a cheat.Copy !req
598. I could not have been more wrong.Copy !req
599. Beg pardon?Copy !req
600. You got every shape and
size Cheerio! up thereCopy !req
601. singing about empowerment and inclusion,Copy !req
602. telling everyone it's okay to
be exactly the person you are.Copy !req
603. You're a visionary,Copy !req
604. and I think redefining cheerleading.Copy !req
605. Bravo.Copy !req
606. Well, thank you, uh, Mr. Pendergrass.Copy !req
607. I... I can't say I'm surprised.Copy !req
608. Um, you know, I work so hardCopy !req
609. to get my girls feeling
good about themselves,Copy !req
610. becae it's what's inside that counts.Copy !req
611. It's an honor, Coach.Copy !req
612. When this hits the stands,Copy !req
613. it could mean big things for you.Copy !req
614. What are you doing here?
Did you already move in?Copy !req
615. No, your mom invited me.Copy !req
616. She thought you and I
could have a man-to-man.Copy !req
617. Good, you know, 'cause I got
a lot to say about this.Copy !req
618. Well, I don't, so let me go first.Copy !req
619. You're pissed, I get it.Copy !req
620. Your dad is a hero,Copy !req
621. not only to the world for
what he did in Desert Storm,Copy !req
622. but he's a hero to you.Copy !req
623. No way I can fill his shoes.Copy !req
624. It's just, you know...Copy !req
625. I love your mom.Copy !req
626. She's like this angel that,
you know, came downCopy !req
627. to wake me up after all these years,Copy !req
628. and I swear to you I will never hurt her,Copy !req
629. I will always take care of her.Copy !req
630. And I can't be your dad,Copy !req
631. but I will be her hero for
as long as she'll take me.Copy !req
632. All right, I've said my piece.Copy !req
633. What do you want to say?Copy !req
634. Just... want to know if
you want to watch a game.Copy !req
635. Sure.Copy !req
636. Hold up.Copy !req
637. You can sit here if you want.Copy !req
638. You know, I hate Duke like I hate thNazis.Copy !req
639. Tell me about it.Copy !req
640. This team, every year,
they recruit these guys and, uh...Copy !req
641. I-I don't know what to say.Copy !req
642. Just say congratulations.Copy !req
643. I took your advice.Copy !req
644. I went home, I told Buddy that
if he wantedo keep me around,Copy !req
645. he had to ditch the old ladyCopy !req
646. and give yours truly the top job.Copy !req
647. And then he died.Copy !req
648. One of his eyes went all funnyCopy !req
649. and he had a stroke right in front of me.Copy !req
650. Geez, April, are you okay?Copy !req
651. Okay? I'm rich.Copy !req
652. The ol' battle axe was afraid I'd go to The
Lima Times,Copy !req
653. so she shut me up to the tune of $2 million.Copy !req
654. So I'm sobering up, and I'm
heading to the Broadway, Will.Copy !req
655. I haven't had a drink in 45 minutes.Copy !req
656. I'm going to take my hush
money and I'm going to mountCopy !req
657. the first-ever all-white
production of The Wiz.Copy !req
658. Okay.Copy !req
659. And I've got you to thank.Copy !req
660. Did you tell him yet?Copy !req
661. Tell me what?Copy !req
662. That I bought y'all the auditorium.Copy !req
663. What?Copy !req
664. I wrote ol' Figgins a check this morning.Copy !req
665. It's now called the April
Rhodes Civic Pavilion.Copy !req
666. I... I don't know what to say.Copy !req
667. We've got that covered.Copy !req
668. "Home", from "The Wiz"Copy !req