Ghost Stories: Season 1, Episode 9

Directed by Shigenori Kageyama

There's a girl in Satsuki's class who is a little off. She tends to the rabbits at the school, whom she says are her only friends. But if that's weird, then it gets only stranger when a dead rabbit shows back up at the pen, alive and well.

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1. Mio mi.

2. Is she that fat girl?

3. Or the slut?

4. Come on, you know, she's that freak

5. who always sits in the corner of the classroom by herself.

6. You'd know her if you say her.

7. Oh, her.

8. Oh.

9. You.

10. Five years running,

11. the president of the Happy Paws Feather and Tails pet club.

12. The Animal Planet freak.

13. Mr. Sakata says he's gonna hold elections

14. for the president of the club this week.

15. There was a little bit of a problem

16. with the electoral college last year

17. but once again, Mio was elected to the post.

18. She greases more palms than you know who.

19. We need more weirdos like her in this school.

20. She's like a Mexican doing all the jobs

21. white people don't want.

22. She has no friends,

23. but I think she's kinda hot.

24. Why don't the three of you get a room?

25. Uh?

26. Yeah.

27. Will you talk to me?

28. Oh, hey there, Mio.

29. Didn't see you.

30. And I was this close.

31. So what's that?

32. Are you still playing with dolls?

33. No.

34. Well, yeah kinda.

35. That's so sweet.

36. In a you scare the crap out of me Emily Rose

37. kind of way.

38. Oh look.

39. Huh.

40. No wonder you're sitting here all alone.

41. Well, good talking to you.

42. Gotta go.

43. What?

44. Here, you can take pooki poo.

45. He used to be my man but we broke up.

46. Great, please don't hurt me.

47. Wow, look at the time.

48. Pooki and I gotta go.

49. The V on my sweater stands for very big deal

50. but that's besides the point.

51. Now, any nomination—

52. Hi!

53. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi!

54. Are you trying to tell me you want to run?

55. Hell no, I don't want to run.

56. I'd like to nominate Satsuki Miyanoshita.

57. Say what?

58. I don't want to go into politics.

59. She can't!

60. She can't, I mean, the animals really want me to do it.

61. I mean, candidates take priority, right?

62. Mio's right, candidates do take priority

63. and frankly, everyone who disagrees with Mio dies.

64. So I nominate her.

65. She's been the animal caretaker

66. longer than I've been spanking my own monkey

67. but if Satsuki's afraid of doing it,

68. then fine, elect the incumbent.

69. I can Jane Goodall as good as she can.

70. I said she can't!

71. I mean, she could get rabies or ticks.

72. What?

73. Sorry, forgot who I was dealing with here.

74. Jobs all yours.

75. Well, let's hold on a minute.

76. I forget to mention.

77. We've got more bunnies.

78. There's no way Mio will be able

79. to do the job herself.

80. So, for the first time in our school's history,

81. we're going to have two, young sweet animal caretakers.

82. I mean girls.

83. I didn't approve that.

84. What the hell?

85. Is that the time?

86. Keiichirou, you're gonna have to Poptart it today.

87. But there's a hole in my gym shirt

88. and there's a really weird sticky stain in my shorts.

89. God, you're making me sick!

90. I didn't do it on purpose.

91. I wish Mom was still alive.

92. Then she'd deal with this crap.

93. I'm so late.

94. She's probably up to her eyes in rabbit crap by now.

95. Huh?

96. God, she's so weird.

97. Freak!

98. I don't want to go in there.

99. Probably full of fleas or crabs or chlamydia or something.

100. Fluffy, come back.

101. Stupid rabbit.

102. Come on, jump.

103. I said jump!

104. Holy crap.

105. All the little animals really like me.

106. They all tell me so.

107. And I'm really sorry I was late.

108. I feel bad you got here first.

109. But she got here before me.

110. Oh my god.

111. Ew!

112. He's too young to be having wet dreams.

113. Hey.

114. Don't do that.

115. What are you doing here?

116. Oh wait, you're feeling guilty

117. about putting me with little Miss Watership Down.

118. Keiichirou told me was sick of eating Poptarts,

119. that you were too busy to fix him breakfast.

120. I thought I might help you out a little.

121. You'll help out a little?

122. Do you know how much rabbits crap

123. in a 24 hour period?

124. I said I was sorry.

125. Damn it woman, what do you want from me?

126. My lunch money?

127. It's a start.

128. Hey, you remember a couple episodes ago

129. you promised me some panties

130. if we went in that house?

131. Well, I'm still waiting for them

132. and I'm not getting any younger.

133. Hey, watch where you're going.

134. Hush.

135. She's weird but I'd still do her.

136. What's she doing?

137. She did that yesterday.

138. Do we want to know?

139. Maybe she's paying her respects

140. at the animal cemetery.

141. The animal cemetery?

142. Yes, the animal cemetery.

143. Hear the plot point bells going off?

144. Of course.

145. Hope Stephen King never sees this.

146. So, what do you think?

147. Cute, huh.

148. Bend over and look at that one.

149. Hold still.

150. One pill makes you larger.

151. Let's see Hadley's cow club beat us now.

152. And one pill makes you small.

153. And the ones that mother gives you.

154. We didn't laugh the first time,

155. we're not laughing now.

156. Not a Heart fan.

157. Isn't he gay?

158. Oh no, that's the guy in Styx.

159. One, two, three.

160. Stop moving, you little bastards.

161. One, two, three.

162. Four comes after three.

163. The laws of arithmetic didn't change

164. over night, did they?

165. What happened, warden, did one get away again?

166. I wish.

167. I knew we got more but somethings wrong.

168. What are you talking about?

169. Didn't you go to Petco and get those little bunny rubbers?

170. One, two, three, four,

171. five, six, seven.

172. Seven?

173. See?

174. I see.

175. The screwing like bunnies thing is true.

176. - Yeah. - Hold on.

177. I flunked math.

178. One, two, three, four, five, six...

179. Shirotabi?

180. Huh?

181. It looks just like him, that's weird.

182. So you're telling me that Shirotabi died?

183. God gave mankind dominion over the animals

184. and they all look alike, anyway.

185. Maybe, maybe you just didn't close the gate

186. to the cage good enough.

187. I locked their cell.

188. I've seen Oz.

189. Oh, I used to love that show.

190. All those sweaty tattooed men

191. locked together in cells with guards

192. holding big clubs.

193. Did I say that out loud?

194. I mean, hey what a cute little pink bear

195. you got there.

196. Oh that?

197. Mio made it and gave it to me.

198. I couldn't say no to her.

199. You never know what that freak would do.

200. Violins, oh no.

201. Dad, no reading the paper

202. at the dinner table.

203. Excuse me.

204. Wow, you sounded so much like your mom just now.

205. Say, Satsuki, Barney Frank Elementary School

206. is a school that's very near where you

207. and your brother go, isn't it?

208. Isn't that the special school we were going

209. to send Keiichirou to?

210. Today has an easy to read

211. color graphic showing how many

212. of their rabbits were killed last night.

213. Check it out.

214. Wow, how gruesome.

215. And rabbits killed at Condaleeza Rice Elementary, too.

216. Jesus.

217. I hope Jocelyn Elders Elementary's rabbits are okay.

218. Instead of losing some,

219. ours are rapidly multiplying.

220. Multiplying?

221. Oh rabbit crap, I'm late.

222. Gotta go.

223. Hey, maybe we should arm the rabbits with little guns.

224. Sometimes, I wish all people could marry the animals.

225. Huh?

226. Me?

227. Don't you?

228. Yeah, if Siegfried and Roy can do it,

229. why can't everybody?

230. I know, right?

231. Well, I'm just gonna drop off the droppings.

232. BRB.

233. Now, where were we?

234. What do you want?

235. Over here, this way.

236. I met BJ Bridget in the woods

237. for our Wednesday usual

238. and I found something even more interesting

239. in the animal graveyard.

240. You're a rabbit necrophiliac?

241. Look.

242. Ever see The Serpent and the Rainbow?

243. Wait, don't tell me the rabbit came back to life.

244. I don't know.

245. What's that?

246. A Nick Nolte voodoo doll.

247. Oh my god.

248. This is disgusting.

249. It's like rabbit Jonestown.

250. Shirotabi.

251. All dead but you, it's a miracle.

252. That's not Shirotabi.

253. Shirotabi's dead.

254. What?

255. Don't listen to him.

256. He's just jealous.

257. The sheds been destroyed and your favorite rabbit

258. is the only survivor.

259. So what?

260. The entire shack is blown to bits.

261. I'm smelling a rat or a fox in the henhouse

262. or something...

263. This isn't my fault.

264. I better still get an A.

265. Blood.

266. - What? - Blood!

267. Don't look.

268. Aunt Flow's timing is terrible.

269. I'll just clean up the blood.

270. I mean carnage here.

271. That was the best Asian massage parlor ever.

272. They gave me a little parting gift.

273. Such nice girls.

274. They say the people were attacked

275. by some strange creature.

276. Found it.

277. If you chant the spell at the grave,

278. this doll actually resurrects the dead

279. but the bad news is the resurrected spirit

280. is really pissed off.

281. So then Shirotabi really was resurrected

282. by that ceremony.

283. You think Shirotabi was the culprit?

284. Does a duck fart underwater?

285. You're saying he came back to life?

286. Well Bugs didn't climb out on his own, Leo.

287. We need to find Gerdy Graverobber.

288. Before we leap to conclusions,

289. we should make sure the Beelzebub bunny is Shirotabi.

290. Hai.

291. No satanic activity yet.

292. I'm sleepy.

293. This oughta wake you up.

294. What?

295. Maybe it isn't the rabbit.

296. You guys.

297. She's looking straight at us.

298. I don't think we hid very well.

299. Shirotabi, my friends over there

300. think you're a rabbit serial killer

301. and in the movies,

302. this would be the part where I foolishly trust you

303. not to kill me

304. and stick my hand in the cage—

305. You son of a bitch.

306. - Dumb ass. - Didn't see that one coming.

307. Coming this way now.

308. Time to go.

309. Give us wings of angels.

310. Ew, ew.

311. Of all the places to run,

312. why did we end up here?

313. Because it was the only place

314. and we're terminally stupid.

315. Oh god.

316. Get it together!

317. That son of a bitch.

318. So I drag my happy ass out in the pouring rain,

319. come bring me back to life, he says,

320. I'll be good, I promise, he says.

321. I'm not gonna turn into a big red eyed

322. flesh eating monster rabbit.

323. He says!

324. What were you thinking?

325. The dead can be resurrected.

326. You shouldn't play John Edwards.

327. Yeah.

328. Hey, I got an idea.

329. How bout you guys rub it in, why don't you?

330. I suppose none of you ever resurrected a killer rabbit.

331. I mean, I have no friends.

332. No one talks to me.

333. I feel evil.

334. Come on, Leo.

335. On three.

336. Three!

337. I'm a genius.

338. Oh, Shirotabi.

339. I brought you back from the dead.

340. Thought you'd be a little more grateful!

341. Hey, what if we sacrifice the two boys?

342. Satsuki, damn it.

343. Will you hurry up and put the thing to spiritual sleep?

344. Oh yeah, that's right.

345. Okay, Mio, you're gonna have to gut up.

346. You've got one big do-over.

347. You did some little happy song

348. to bring this bunny back, so start singing.

349. Those three to four cardboard boxes

350. aren't gonna hold him for long.

351. Lord, reveal your salvation

352. since I am your favorite among these heathens.

353. That wicked charm!

354. Toss the arts and crafts, move it.

355. I can't do it!

356. And why not?

357. Because none of the other animals

358. would be my friend but Shirotabi.

359. Sometimes, when we were together,

360. I feel he would actually talk to me.

361. You are pathetic.

362. One he died, I was so sad

363. that I would never hear that voice again.

364. His laugh.

365. His funny little requests.

366. Touch me.

367. His reprimands.

368. Touch me harder.

369. I had to bring him back to life!

370. Come on.

371. You stupid selfish slut.

372. Does he look happy to be back?

373. Huh?

374. Sentimental flashback time is over,

375. you stupid bunny loving bitch.

376. If you don't throw that thing,

377. I'm tossing you.

378. Throw it!

379. Shirotabi, please forgive me for bringing

380. you back to life.

381. I know now that it could never work between us.

382. As much as we want it to, it could never be.

383. Not because you're a rabbit

384. but because you're black.

385. Wow.

386. Ew.

387. My bunny.

388. My little dead bunny.

389. It's no Frank Lloyd Wright for bunnies,

390. but it will do.

391. Yeah, genius, but all the rabbits are dead.

392. We should get our best stationary and our pens

393. and ask Amy Grant for those three wishes.

394. Look what I've got.

395. Yo, Sensei, what's haps on the craps with snaps?

396. Cracker.

397. Aren't they cute?

398. Shirotabi.

399. The biology teacher told me they're Shirotabi's children.

400. Shirotabi's what?

401. Children.

402. Guess this as good a time as any.

403. You see, kids, the boy bunny has a thing called a penis

404. and he puts that into the girl bunny's vagina.

405. The girl bunny then starts acting

406. like she owns that penis.

407. Anyway, don't they look just like him?

408. Yes, they do.

409. This reminds me of a story.

410. You know how sometimes the man

411. totally screws the woman over?

412. Yeah.

413. Well this friend of mine doesn't want another kid

414. but her husband does.

415. They're not using any birth control 'cause they're married

416. and the guy actually finishes inside of her.

417. Needless to say, she was pissed.

418. Isn't that awful?

419. Yes.

420. You two timing son of a bitch!

421. Who's gonna take care of these little bastards?

422. Hey, I got an idea.

423. Let's end this episode with a happy moral.

424. Like if you leave children behind,

425. pay your child support on time.

426. Deadbeat dads are not cool.

427. Yeah!

428. Yo dude there's this dark tunnel

429. and once you get up in there,

430. you aint ever coming out.

431. Think I'm lying?

432. Hell no this nigga aint lying.

433. Think I'm messing with you?

434. you, man.

435. What am I talking about?