1. Mm. Ugh.
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2. What? What the hell is happening?
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3. I didn't do anything!
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4. I think there's a short circuit
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5. between the chair and the keyboard. Yeah.
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6. Move aside.
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7. Huh? You're so nerd-rific!
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8. Computers are very delicate machines,
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9. and must be treated with respect.
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10. Kicking it or hitting
it will only interfere
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11. with the delicate... what are you doing?
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12. What the hell is this thing, a copier?
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13. A hard drive?
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14. It's called a scanner.
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15. You use it to transfer
pictures to Myspace.com,
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16. or JewishNerdBoysLookingForHoochies.org.
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17. Really?
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18. Ahem! Listen, I had no idea I was
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19. dealing with a total novice here.
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20. Let's start with the basics.
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21. How about we talk about the mouse first?
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22. The what?
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23. The mouse-shaped thing on the right.
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24. Want to go get lifted?
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25. Sounds great, man.
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26. All right, keep it down you guys.
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27. Well, that's weird. Why
are the lights still on?
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28. What's happening? Hey,
Bill Gates, what's going on?
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29. I think I might've gigged the mega RAM?
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30. Not even you could do that.
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31. But I can't say for sure what happened.
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32. It must be a system-wide
failure with the network,
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33. since they all went down at once.
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34. Well, if it isn't my
fault, maybe a ghost did it.
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35. Of course it did.
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36. Don't be a dumb-ass, I was just kidding.
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37. No. It could be a distinct possibility.
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38. Huh?
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39. Have you ever heard of Yomi dash net?
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40. Yomi-net?
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41. Yes. They say it's located somewhere
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42. on the World Wide Spiderweb,
a ghost homepage. Yeah.
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43. Its actual IP address is unknown,
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44. but if you do manage to find it,
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45. it's said that you can
communicate with the spirit world.
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46. But if you order books,
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47. they totally screw you
on the shipping fees.
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48. That must be it. The
network went down because
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49. the ghost of Yomi dash net
is trying to log onto us!
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50. Huh?
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51. Oh my heavens,
a ghost homepage?
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52. That's what Leo says.
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53. I guess this just proves that there are
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54. nerds in the afterlife.
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55. But mom didn't say anything
about internet ghosts
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56. in her diary.
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57. What's a homepage?
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58. Computers weren't around when
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59. your mother was in school.
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60. Why, she barely had ink pens.
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61. I don't care if your mother's diary
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62. never mentions Yomi dash net
or not, I know it's real!
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63. Real or not, you don't
know where it is, do you?
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64. That's not the point.
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65. I see. You know what you
call something like that?
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66. A load of crap.
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67. Crap.
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68. "Train up a child the way
he should go," Proverbs 22:6.
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69. What's a homepage?
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70. Very good, little Christian soldier!
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71. And you should never see homepages.
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72. You see, the internet was a
blessing from the lord Jesus,
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73. to spread the word of
God throughout the world.
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74. But pedophiles and Muslims
stole it and used its holy power
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75. to seduce children like yourself into sin.
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76. Get out!
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77. Not get out, get saved.
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78. The Yomi-Net is real, I'll prove it.
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79. Huh?
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80. I swear, I'll scan the
entire internet to prove it
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81. to you naysayers.
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82. It'll mean less time
on KosherKamaSutra.com,
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83. but you got to do what you got to do!
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84. Come on, Google. Yoni-net.com. Yeah.
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85. Good morning!
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86. Well, good morning there, Leo.
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87. It's morning, all right.
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88. Did you find your
little satanic sin site?
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89. From the bags under his
eyes, I'd have to say no.
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90. Because there is no
such thing as Yomi-net.
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91. There is such a thing as Yomi-net!
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92. And I'm going to find it,
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93. and then you're all
going to be sorry! Yeah!
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94. Whatever.
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95. He hasn't been this upset
since they canceled Sliders.
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96. "You need to
persevere," Hebrews 10:36.
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97. My god, I'm desperate!
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98. Ah, there you are.
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99. What do you guys want?
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100. Leo, hours of looking at porn sites,
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101. never seen a Yomi-net.
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102. Just leave me alone.
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103. You know, kids would
stop talking about you
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104. if you'd get out more.
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105. Kind of de-geek yourself.
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106. Geeks run the world!
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107. But they're not getting
their peepees waxed,
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108. now are they?
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109. Here.
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110. What's the catch?
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111. Oh my god, their stock is in the toilet,
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112. and now they have fruit
salads, chicken tenders,
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113. and tofu fries.
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114. - Why would you eat there?
- Didn't you see Super Size Me?
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115. They had a coupon in the paper,
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116. and I know what a tight-ass you are.
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117. Besides, they've got an
Æon Flux Giggity Meal.
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118. What? An Æon Flux Giggity Meal?
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119. Yes, yes! Oh my god, a
pocket-sized Charlize Theron
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120. of my very own to carry
around with me all day long!
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121. Sweet! There is a god!
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122. Better get extra napkins with yours.
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123. Can't believe I said that.
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124. So it's settled. Let's meet
at the creepy train station.
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125. Hey, want some candy little boy?
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126. Huh? Hajime, you're late.
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127. - I couldn't help it.
- I got detention again.
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128. Don't ask why. Where is everybody?
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129. They didn't want to meet you.
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130. The Æon Flux thing grossed them out.
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131. Oh, drop it.
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132. So where's Leo?
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133. Uh, give you one guess.
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134. He's on that stupid computer again,
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135. trying to find the Yomi-net.
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136. I don't want to wait for him. Let's go.
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137. Charlize is waiting.
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138. God, if you're listening
and there is a Yomi-net,
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139. would you please show it to me now?
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140. Huh?
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141. Holy Moses!
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142. Look at it! Maybe it's...
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143. Yomi dash net!
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144. Wow, the graphics are kind of weak.
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145. Huh?
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146. Huh?
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147. Huh?
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148. What? That's it?
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149. Oh, come on. No way, after all that work?
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150. Oh man, I'm late. I better get going.
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151. Power down.
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152. I had better luck hacking
Citibank's credit card database.
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153. Oh, the DVDs that bought.
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154. All your
base are belong to us.
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155. Momoko! Keiichirou!
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156. Hey guys, you been waiting long?
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157. Not too.
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158. So where's Leo?
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159. Who cares. I'm sorry, does
anyone else hear jingle bells?
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160. I'm late! They're going to
be all out of Giggity Meals!
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161. Oh man, where is everybody?
Who's on Oprah today?
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162. Those bastards, they left without me.
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163. He's so late!
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164. All your base are belong to us.
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165. I'm getting hungry, damn.
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166. All your base are belong to us.
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167. Huh.
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168. I can't stand it!
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169. I'm going to have to call the jerk.
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170. I hate payphones. Disgusting.
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171. Excuse me, Satsuki?
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172. What?
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173. Verizon. Like Jesus, it
never stops working for you.
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174. A cell phone?
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175. Well lookie there,
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176. would've been nice to know
30 minutes ago! Thank you!
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177. You can use it if you promise
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178. not to be on the phone too long.
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179. I know how you pagans
take advantage of others.
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180. Well, genius, how about we call Leo?
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181. Or shall we mentally will him to join us?
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182. With your mental acuity, I
don't think that's an option.
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183. I'm Cillian Murphy.
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184. In 28 Days Later.
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185. Or is it Silly-an?
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186. But we did zombies in the last episode.
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187. I'm all alone. Forgotten.
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188. Like a black family in Bush America.
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189. That must be FEMA! Late, of course.
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190. Mr. Brown?
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191. Leo, where the hell are you?
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192. I am starving, and I'm sick
of waiting for your ass.
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193. And I'm sick of
waiting for you! Where are you?
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194. What do you mean, where?
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195. We're at the train station, you idiot!
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196. And I'm tired of hearing jingle bells!
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197. I am at the train station!
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198. Say what?
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199. I'm at the train
station, right here!
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200. And I've been here forever!
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201. And I'm so very lonely.
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202. What? How high are you?
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203. There's no one around!
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204. I can't hear anything, I'm
freaking out! Paranoid!
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205. You smoked all of it, didn't you?
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206. I mean, what are you talking about?
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207. There are tons of people here.
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208. You smoked all of
it! There's no one here!
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209. Hey, wait a minute, what if...
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210. What if...
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211. Huh?
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212. Leo? Leo? Leo!
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213. I see a girl.
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214. A girl? Really?
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215. What does she look like? Leo? Leo!
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216. Hey, calling plan Patty's
going to get pissed.
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217. Something's not right. I
mean, he's on a booty call.
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218. This has got to be the work of a ghost.
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219. Hey, little mini geisha, wait a minute!
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220. Hello?
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221. Hey, can you help me?
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222. I'm lost. I think I'm lost.
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223. You, you don't talk much.
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224. Do you know where everybody went, exactly?
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225. Ow, ow, ow, ow.
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226. Could I have...
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227. Smoked so much I don't
remember getting high?
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228. Yeah.
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229. I'm hot and I'm dying.
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230. Leo!
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231. Satsuki, please help!
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232. I know I told you to dig deep,
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233. but if you're getting laid
I'm going to kill you!
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234. I wish I was getting laid!
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235. Instead I'm in a field of
dreams! Bad internet dreams!
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236. I'm being punished for
all those hours online.
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237. Suck it up,
Leo, and talk slower.
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238. I can't understand you,
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239. you're whining like a little bitch.
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240. That's it! Yomi dash net!
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241. God, not that again.
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242. It's the Yomi dash net. I'm trapped.
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243. I am starving!
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244. Listen, I need
you to go to the school's
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245. computer room for me.
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246. I was on one of the computers there,
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247. and screw me to the sidewalk,
I found Yomi dash net.
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248. You have to help.
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249. You suck at computers, but
I can walk you through it.
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250. The future of my world depends on it.
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251. Oh, all right.
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252. Leo? Leo! Hello?
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253. Hey, what's wrong?
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254. Giant fiery
ball coming to kill me,
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255. that's what's wrong!
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256. Okay, if we want to eat,
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257. we've got to go to the computer room.
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258. Fine!
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259. Faster, Leo, faster!
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260. His computer's still
on! He's in trouble.
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261. Dude, we're getting a Dell.
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262. Dude got busted for pot.
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263. Oh, Leo!
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264. Leo, what do we do?
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265. What do we do? He's
trapped in the internet,
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266. somehow I don't think control
alt delete is going to cut it!
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267. And it's been years since I've seen Tron.
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268. I made it. Who knew
Jews could run so fast.
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269. Huh? A bunch of somber, quiet people
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270. against a red nuclear sky
near a river of blood.
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271. Wow, that doesn't look threatening at all.
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272. Oh, thank god. Hey!
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273. Where do I get ferry tokens?
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274. Peter Jennings!
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275. He must be covering a story.
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276. Wait a minute. Peter Jennings is dead.
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277. And there's William Rehnquist, Bob Denver,
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278. Christian Slater's career.
All dead. Where is this?
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279. It's the River Sanzu.
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280. What?
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281. You know. A river.
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282. It can't be! That's for dead people,
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283. I'm not going there no matter what!
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284. No matter what?
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285. No matter what!
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286. Hang on, I have to do
something. Check this out.
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287. Put you on that boat by force!
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288. That's Leo! I'd know
that girly scream anywhere!
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289. Don't die in there, Leo,
you owe me five bucks!
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290. Momoko, dial!
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291. Hold on. Signal faded,
call lost, gosh darn Verizon.
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292. Oh, it went through like a prayer.
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293. What is it? I'm a little busy right now!
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294. Well, we're trying to save you,
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295. but perhaps you're beyond salvation.
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296. No! Give me the phone. And shut up.
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297. Can you hear me? Leo?
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298. Come in. Come in, Leo, come
in. This connection sucks!
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299. Google River Sanzu!
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300. The River Sanzu?
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301. "Train up a child, in
the way he should go."
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302. What's happening?
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303. Well, in Buddhism, it's a
river they say people cross
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304. when they die, and it
leads to the next world.
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305. But Born Again Christians know the truth.
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306. Buddhism leads to one
place, and that's hell.
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307. Okay, the religious
right says you're screwed.
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308. Can you lay your hands on a boat, Leo?
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309. Huh? What's that? Ew!
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310. Leo? Is that your date?
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311. That, I can believe.
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312. Swear to God, she was a hell
of a lot prettier earlier!
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313. Leo, run!
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314. Wait a minute. In
addition to false religions,
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315. the devil can take many forms
to trick people off the path.
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316. Think Jesse Jackson.
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317. Leo has a date, demonic
form, Jesse Jackson.
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318. Here's your phone.
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319. Thanks.
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320. I'm sorry, what are we doing?
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321. Hang on, give me a sec. There it is!
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322. February seventh.
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323. Townspeople continue to
be suddenly spirited away.
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324. This must be the doing of a demon
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325. from the Road of the Underworld.
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326. It lures those who have
become lost onto the road,
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327. then takes them to the River Sanzu.
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328. How do we banish this demon?
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329. To make it back from the
Road of the Underworld,
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330. hold up the talisman and chant
that you want to go home.
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331. It's a paper talisman, that's no good!
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332. Need a new plan.
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333. But it can get Leo out of there!
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334. God, you ruin everything, don't you.
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335. Yes, I do.
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336. Like I said, it's paper,
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337. how are we going to get it to Leo?
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338. I don't know.
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339. or JewishNerdBoysLookingForHoochies.org.
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340. I'm on it dot com. I'm a genius.
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341. Hajime, out of the way.
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342. You are so rude.
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343. Hello, am I the only one
here? Don't just stand there,
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344. transfer my scanner
thingie! Move it, Christian!
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345. Right.
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346. Hello, I'm in this show too.
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347. Good Lord, are
you typing with your feet?
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348. Move it!
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349. Okay, I so don't know what's going on.
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350. You can shut up. We're trying
to save your geek boyfriend.
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351. If you don't get on that boat,
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352. you can't cross the River Sanzu!
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353. Or will you drown here and die again?
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354. Download complete.
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355. Send it already!
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356. Okay.
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357. Yeah. That's it. Wait, that laugh,
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358. like in the movies. Giving
my friends time to...
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359. What are you doing?
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360. Sweet!
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361. Don't have many minutes left,
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362. are you there?
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363. I'm listening, go!
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364. Leo, just grab the talisman.
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365. Don't know what to do, so just
make up some crap about home.
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366. Show me the way to go home,
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367. I'm tired and I want to go to bed,
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368. I had a little drink about an hour ago
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369. and it's gone straight to my head!
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370. The light!
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371. What happened? Who cut the cable?
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372. You've got me.
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373. Huh?
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374. Keiichirou?
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375. What are you doing here?
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376. His people have been let go.
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377. Thank God
I'm so good at computers.
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378. Oh, Leo.
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379. Get it together, shaky! What happened?
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380. I had a date. She was pretty once.
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381. I told you it was a ghost.
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382. I mean, Leo plus girl equals
some kind of Satanic activity.
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383. No offense, Leo. But come on, I mean,
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384. you're no Hajime.
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385. Excuse me.
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386. Look, these days you can get
anything on the internet,
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387. it's not that surprising to
me that ghosts are using it.
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388. I just wish we'd learned
some moral out of this.
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389. Danger's gone, music's swelling,
it's very Brady, you know?
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390. You know what, if she wouldn't
have turned into a demon,
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391. I bet that girl and I could've
been really happy together,
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392. you know? Yeah.
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393. Pardon me. I'm kind of hungry.
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394. Hey, we still haven't eaten
yet. Let's hit McGiggity's.
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395. Yeah!
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396. You're treating, Leo.
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397. What? Why me?
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398. Why? Because Jewish people rock!
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399. Finally! Charlize, here I come!
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400. Could we all kind of,
like, go someplace cheaper?
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